February 11, 1998

Eight years ago today my daughter was born in Las Vegas, Nevada. My wife had entered the hospital the day before because my daughter refused to join the world (smart kid!) she was 8 days late. The doctor put my wife on labor inducing medication and after about 22 hours of no results the doctor was going to perform a c-section. The doctor had told me that if my wife did not respond in the next hour she would perform a c-section. At this point my wife was out of it and didn't hear this conversation but right after the conversation I watched my wife's monitor spike like it hadn't spiked in the last 22 hours. I will spare everyone the gory details but I will say my wife went from no labor to full labor in less than an hour. I guess the subconscious mind can be pretty tricky!!!

I was at the hospital with a very dear friend of mine and my wife's. We lived very far (across the country) from our immediate family but had been blessed with some very good friends like we are now. This friend stayed with us the whole time and even though he either wasn't allowed in the delivery room or didn't want to join the delivery (I am still not sure which one it was) but stayed with us until Lauren was born. My daughter Lauren was born on Wednesday February 11, 1998 at 4:55 pm Pacific Time, she weighed 6 pounds 8 ounces and was 19 inches long. She was a very petite baby and 8 years later she still is very petite.

I clearly remember when the doctor handed my daughter over to my wife and I. She was not crying she was looking all around the room with her big beautiful blue eyes and when our eyes met I instantly melted. She had my heart and everything that had gone with it as well. I had the pleasure of giving her the first bath and the putting on her first diaper. She was perfect.

At this point in my life I was not gambling and was on my self-imposed ban from gambling which is why I can remember very clearly the happenings of this day. Somewhere over the next six months I found my back to sports wagering even though I had this perfect wife and perfect child at home. I believe it was my sense of entitlement which meant I was thinking I deserved to gamble a little and wouldn't let it get out of control. Well, this is certainly not the case because I am a compulsive gambler and a little betting lead to pitiful incomprehensible demoralization over the next 7 years. I have always been there physically and somewhat emotionally for my family but I let my gambling take over my life. Those days are gone and no matter what happens in court over the next few months things have worked and will continue to workout for the best.

Last night I had the pleasure of accompanying my daughter to her school's annual father/daughter dance. This year's theme was a 50's style sock hop. My daughter wore a pink poodle skirt and I had my hair slicked back like James Dean with the rolled up jeans and white tee shirt. It was a great time but the dance was over so fast. I remember attending last year's dance which had a more formal theme and it was before I had stopped gambling. I remember thinking when will this dance be over. Things have certainly changed over the year and for the better because last night seemed as if it were over before it had started.

The second to the last song of the night was a song by Collin Raye called "Butterfly Kisses". It is a very emotional song about a father and daughter and how the daughter grows up from a baby to her wedding day. As I danced with my daughter I noticed about half-way through the song she had tears in her eyes as did I. I asked my daughter if she were okay and she said she didn't like this song because it had made her cry. She went on to explain that she didn't want to grow up so fast and leave home. I assure her that it was okay to cry and she wouldn't grow up too fast. I told her to enjoy every moment she has because life does move quickly and no matter what happens I will always be there for her.

She seemed okay after the song but my heart was hurting knowing that I wouldn't be there physically for her in the months to come. I will write letters and talk to her on the phone and be there emotionally for her. I know it will be hard at first but it will pass and I will be back in her life and my family's life both physically and emotionally for a long time to come. After the dance we went to a 50's style soda shop with good friends of both my daughter and myself. My daughter got an ice cream sundae and life couldn't have been any better.

Tonight she is having ten of her friends over for a slumber party. This will be her first slumber party and she has been so excited all day. It should be interesting to see if anyone gets any sleep tonight.