Telling my Story

Last night I had the pleasure of having a very nice dinner with an old friend of mine. This had been an annual event for the past five years with the exception of last year because my friend decided to cancel his trip to Southern California at the last moment; however; my wife and I had gone anyway to this same place for dinner last year in his stead. That trip for my wife and I would mark our last mini-vacation for some time but that is in the past and now it is time to concentrate on today.

We had a very enjoyable dinner last evening; the food was superb and the company was even better. I have written about this friend in the past and even though I don't get to see this friend as much or talk with this friend as much as I have in the past I do so enjoy his company. It is always a pleasure to get together with this friend because the conversation is always excellent and the evening seems to go by so fast. Also; I am so happy to hear things are working themselves out for this friend because he is a great person.

As I was driving home from this great dinner I had time to think and reflect on certain events. Sometimes when I do this it can be detrimental but lately it has been all positive. I know what I have done to my family is horrible; however; I do know what I am doing today is very good. I did have some great times in the past and met a lot of great people. Some of these people are long gone and I won't ever speak with them again but there are still some people who don't have a problem being seen with me in public and have been there for me and my family in this terrible time. I am so grateful for everyone I have come in contact with in my life because I am truly a better person because of everyone especially those that have stood by me. I thank everyone very much I am truly a blessed person.

Today I had the pleasure of being the speaker at the Wednesday Night Gamblers Anonymous Speaker meeting. This is a new meeting in our area and the first one was held last week so this was meeting number 2. I was asked to be the speaker this afternoon which meant I had 25 to 30 minutes to share my thoughts. This is a far cry from a normal GA meeting where each member gets 5 minutes to share their thoughts. Rarely do I ever take the five minutes and usually try to stay in the 3 minute range because others need to be heard. When I was preparing for the speaker meeting and knowing I had up to 30 minutes I became concerned. I didn't think I could speak for thirty minutes. I was wrong!!! As I was speaking for what seemed to be 5 minutes I looked at my watch and it had been 25 minutes; I was amazed how fast the time went. I wrapped up quicker than I would have liked but all in all I think it went well only one person fell asleep!!!

I received positive feedback from all of the members which was greatly appreciated. I did feel bad for one member who showed up at the end of the meeting because they thought the meeting started at 6:00 pm instead of 5:00 pm because I really like this member and I know they came to support me. I was willing to re-do my "speech" but I wasn't too sure the other members wanted to hear it again!!! Seriously, the meeting went very well and I am looking forward to other speaker meetings in the coming weeks because it is so nice to hear other members share their experience, strength and hope for more the five minutes.

One final thought; as I was telling my story which goes back to the day I was born (I didn't think it was too boring!!) up until present day and really is very painful for some people to hear; however; it is extremely therapeutic to me to tell the story. I could see it in other members eyes; the fear as I told the story because they knew where the story would end up. Each time I tell the story I learn a little more about myself and really has helped me in my recovery.

It really is a cleansing of my soul because for so many years I denied my compulsive gambling. I denied it so much I blocked out certain events over those years and when I re-tell the story I start to remember more and more. As my mother said during her visit; I was a "sick ticket", she was so right. I don't want to be a "sick ticket" anymore and I continue to learn with some extremely valuable tools to be the person I am destined to be.