Proper Perspective

As I dropped my mom off at the airport last night she raised some very interesting points. The first one; she last visited in August of last year which was six months ago but it felt like she was here only a few weeks ago. That visit in August might have been the best visit we have ever had since I moved out of New Jersey 12 years ago.

Which brings me to her second point; the reason why that visit was the best visit was I was truly with everyone on that visit. Meaning; I wasn't worried about the score or scores of some insignificant games or planning on how and when I would get my next bet down. I was there mentally and physically like this past visit.

Her third point and final point was a question tied to a statement; she had said, even though you have lost your job, your house and all of your money in the past year it has to be better than when I was doing the "insane" things I was doing and the real reason why the last visit was so good according to my mom she got her son back. Which made me feel so very good.

She is 100% correct; even though my life has turned upside down I am much better off today than I was one year ago. One year ago there were a million things on my mind and I couldn't focus very well. I thought I was doing a good job at fooling everyone but in truth I only fooled myself. I fooled myself into thinking I could perpetrate a lie and I did everything in my power to continue this lie to the very end. This lie (I could gamble like "normal" people) drove myself into the ground.

Once I accepted the fact that I CANNOT and will never be able to gamble like "normal" people and admitted I am powerless to gambling and my life had become totally unmanageable life started to get better and continues to get better. Yes, prison is in my future but that is part of the Program; no bailouts and as terrible as it seems life will continue to go on and my life will continue to go on in the proper direction.

This proper direction was learned the hard way and yes, I wish I didn't have to learn this the hard way but it really was the only way for me to truly learn. Otherwise I would have continued on with the lie. I am so grateful to be a compulsive gambler in recovery because I have met some wonderful people and learned some very good things about myself in this past year. I owe all of this to the Gamblers Anonymous Program.

I was first introduced to the Gamblers Anonymous Program 22 years ago but never attended a meeting. I was contacted by a member over the telephone and this member told me some horrific stories and each one of those horrific stories came true in my life because I was not ready to admit I am and will always be a compulsive gambler. Eleven years later gambling consumed me again and when I had to declare personal bankruptcy I tried to get help from a psychologists and went on three sessions.

I had nothing in common with this person and decided I could beat this addiction by myself never even thinking about attending a GA meeting which turned out to be a horrible decision. However; the third time is the charm for me; I needed help with my addiction and I know I can't do this on my own. I know I don't have to do this on my own because there is a great Program that is 100% effective if I follow the guidelines.

These guidelines play a significant role in my life each and every day. I follow those guidelines every day and even though this past year has been extremely tough my life continues to get better and I know as long as I follow these guidelines my life will continue to get better each and every day.