Road to Recovery

I have abstained from gambling for the past 11 months and 8 days which is a critical part of my recovery and I cannot have a successful recovery without the abstinence. However; I can abstain from gambling and still not recover from my gambling addiction. I do fully understand my gambling addiction will be with me the rest of my life and I do know I cannot gamble or my life will be completely destroyed. With that stated; I must be a compulsive gambler in recovery rather than to just abstain from gambling.

One of the critical components for me in my successful road to recovery is truly working the Gamblers Anonymous Program. To truly work the Program means I should attend as many meetings per week because the meetings make it. Tonight I went to a different city to attend a meeting and celebrate a significant milestone a one year birthday celebration. This means this particular member has abstained from gambling and been active in the Program for one year. This is quite an accomplishment because this person is in a place where there is not a great deal of abstinence nor recovery. This person understands the Program and the importance of the fellowship which has lead them to a successful recovery; however; I do understand there is no graduation to the Program. There are tools in the Program which need to be applied daily in order for me to continue on the road to recovery.

When I first stop gambling when I was 18 years old I did not understand what being in recovery meant. I knew my life was messed up and I shouldn't gamble excessively. I did not understand the GA Program nor did I take the time to fully get help. This lead to my first relapse and 10 years later I sought help but wasn't willing to give up my self-will which lead to my second and hopefully final relapse.

Over 11 months ago I wanted to find a place where I could recover from my compulsive gambling addiction. I found this place and it is called Gamblers Anonymous. I am completely ashamed of what I have done to my family and myself due to my obsession to gamble. I cannot change any of these horrible decisions I made but I can change myself today and move forward to not repeat those mistakes of the past.

There were four of us who drove up to this meeting and two of the people in the car had a combined 40 years in GA. This means they have abstained from gambling for 40 years but better yet these two people are working their recoveries wonderfully. I can only hope and pray in 20 years to know half as much as these two individuals. These two people understand the value of the GA Program and what it means to give back to the Program. They drove a long way on a work night to attend this meeting but that is what the fellowship is all about.

The fifth unity step in GA states; Gamblers Anonymous has but one primary purpose - to carry its message to the compulsive gambler who still suffers. I thank God these two members were at my first meeting because they were carrying their message to me who was suffering with a compulsive gambling problem. I understand this message and I keep learning more and more about how powerful my addiction had become in my life. I know if I let my guard down this gambling addiction will rear its ugly head and hit me with all its force. My defense is the GA Program and the road map of the Twelve Steps of Recovery. As long as I continuing doing what the GA Program states and work the the Steps my life will continue to get better.

Yes, I am facing some dire consequences in my near future but I know I can get through this tough time because I don't have to do this all myself and I have been given some powerful tools to fully understand my character defects. One of my major character defects were arrogance and thinking I can do everything by myself. I know I cannot handle my compulsive gambling addiction by myself. I tried to do this and failed but now I know there is a Program and people within this Program who have the experience, strength and hope to help me battle my compulsive gambling addiction.