Short Visit

My mom is returning to the East Coast this evening and even though her visit was short we all had a great time. It was a very full four days and those four days flew by. Time does fly when you are having fun. She had a great time with the grandkids; she was able to show my daughter how to knit and if you know my mother this really is a big accomplishment. I know I am going to get into trouble for that last comment but I had to say it. I came home from my Gamblers Anonymous meeting last night to find my daughter sitting on the couch knitting a scarf. It was one of the cutest things I have ever seen; my 8 year old daughter sitting intently knitting; this was truly priceless.

Another priceless moment occurred Saturday evening as I got my son ready for bed. I put on his pajamas that apparently made him look "fat" (remember he is 5 years old and where he comes up with these things I will never know!) and carried on. I was not going to back down because after all they were only pajamas and he really should just deal with it. He cried and cried and I firmly told him to go to bed which he did. However; even though I was the one to scold him he wanted me to lay with him until he calmed down. I laid with him rubbing his back for five minutes and he went from uncontrolled sobbing to fast asleep in five minutes. As I watched he sleep so peacefully I realized this is the only thing that matters in my life.

All of the horrendous things I have done to my family because I needed to place wagers were foolish because I have everything I need in Monica (my wife), Lauren (my daughter) and Jonathan (my son). These are some of the very special blessings in my life and I do take the time to fully enjoy each and every moment. Without these special blessings my life would be empty and even though I have done some very bad things to them and others my family has been with me every step of the way. There is good inside of me and now with all of the blessings and special people who surround me I try each and every day to focus on the good things in my life.

I had a conversation with my Mom and we were talking about how good things constantly seem to happen to certain people and bad things constantly happen to another group of people. I won't go into the whole conversation but I disagreed with some of what my mom was saying where in she was saying certain people do not allow bad things to happen to them whereas certain other people do allow bad things to happen to them. In a way this is true and in a way there are certain events that no matter what you allow or disallow you cannot control. I believe it is how you react to certain negative events which define you as a person.

I know for myself I brought all of this on myself by my actions and I do regret everything I have done. However; I cannot change those past events I can only change today. Almost one year ago I was faced with a decision which was to continue with the lies and deceit or to come clean. Thanks to my Higher Power I decided to come clean because otherwise I would not have learned anything. I thank God for teaching me every day and giving me the tools to be a better person.

I know I am on the right road to recovery and to be the person I am certainly capable of being. I also know this road is not easy but I have some very special people in my life to continue me on this right road. I am so thankful for that faithful day almost one year ago because it was my New Beginning. I am trying to make the most of this New Beginning because I love the progress I have made so far and I know there is a plan for me. All of this has happened for a reason and I am very grateful.