Not Alone

One of the very first things I learned in the Gamblers Anonymous Program 11 months ago was I don't have to fight my compulsive gambling addiction alone. I tried this method each time gambling got me into trouble and each time I failed miserably. This time has been different because I have found a group with so much love and support that I don't have to face this illness (compulsive gambling) by myself. I know I cannot do this alone and I don't have to do this alone.

I read an article written by Stephen King regarding the James Frey incident. I will refresh everyone's memory rather quickly; James Frey is the author of Million Little Pieces who embarrassed Oprah Winfrey with his blatant lies in this novel which was about alcohol and drug addiction. Mr. King who is also a recovering alcoholic and drug addict wrote so poignantly regarding the addiction he has and he stated that Mr. Frey's message of the book was misguided. Mr. King stated that most if not all addicts and this goes for any addiction cannot face their addiction alone and the key principle to a positive recovery is honesty. It appears James Frey's novel about addiction missed these points completely.

I can only speak for myself and I know I lied, cheated, stole and did other bad things because I did not want to face squarely my compulsive gambling addiction. However; the first thing I did 11 months ago was to surrender to my gambling addiction because I have no power over it. My gambling controls me and any other thought would be self-destruction. Also; I have found a place (Gamblers Anonymous) where I can go and share the experience, strength and hope of others who share this same addiction. I denied my compulsive gambling addiction for 22 years because I could rationalize any situation. There is no rationalization and no denial anymore; plain and simple; I am and will always be a compulsive gambler and I have no power over gambling.

I have turned this power over to my Higher Power God because my arrogance of thinking I could control this illness by myself is gone. There has to be a Higher Power because I could no longer live the way I have lived for the past 22 years. Denial, self-importance and rationalization are things of the past and I must be cognizant of all these or I will be doomed to repeat the mistakes of my past.

The Gamblers Anonymous Program has shown me a road map toward this success and it is found in the Twelve Steps of Recovery. It truly is a fantastic Program but can only work if I am honest, open-minded and willing. If I am anything less than these three things it will never work. I am diligently working on these steps of Recovery and I will post each step as I progress through them.

There are twelve steps of recovery and only the first step (We admitted we were POWERLESS over gambling and our lives had become unmanageable) can be completed only once all of the rest of the steps must be worked on continuously throughout my life. If they are not worked on continuously throughout my life I will become complacent and will regress in my recovery. My recovery is meant to move forward to a clear goal of having a purposeful positive life. I know applying these steps in my daily affairs will make my life so much better as it has shown me it has in these past 11 months.

This morning we had a wonderful Saturday morning GA meeting which was followed by a tremendous workshop on becoming a Secretary in the GA Program. This workshop was chaired by my sponsor who is one of the most inspirational and kind people I have ever met. He is a truly great person and I am so happy he has come into my life. There are so many people who I wouldn't have met if I didn't join the GA Program and my life wouldn't have been as full as it is today. Good things do happen in bad situations and I am so grateful for all these people.