Super Bowl XL

Today was just another day in my recovery from my compulsive gambling addiction and oh by the way one of the largest betting events took place today Super Bowl XL as well. I am happy to report it has been 11 months and 7 days since my last wager which means I made it through Super Bowl Sunday without placing a wager. I remember in the past when I was betting on sports that I would approach Super Bowl Sunday just like any other day when I would place my bets. In fact, I would have more money on the college basketball games which proceeded the Super Bowl.

I always thought of the Super Bowl as amateur day for people who bet occasionally because there was no value in the game. When I look back at this thought I can't help but to see how delusional I really was. Like there was a great deal of value in the Pepperdine/Santa Clara college basketball game which I had bet the night before last years Super Bowl. My denial was endless.

I remember going to see a therapist when I was 18 years old when my compulsive gambling had first gotten me into trouble and having the therapist tell me no matter how long I go without placing a bet when the Super Bowl came around those urges to make a bet would rear their ugly head. I guess I consciously filed this thought away so I would treat the Super Bowl just like any other day of the year. To me the Super Bowl was no big deal and today I sat and watched the game with my wife and didn't have those old urges rear their ugly head. What I have to be very aware of is my daily activities and continue working the Steps of the Gamblers Anonymous Program and continue being active in the Program. Which means not only attending meetings but being attentive at the meetings. I must stay attentive to my recovery or I am destined to repeat those mistakes of my past.

Those mistakes of my past will only be worse this time around which is why I am so fearful to miss any GA meetings. I actually did miss the meeting tonight but I did tell a few of my friends in the Program I would not be attending because I am going to another meeting tomorrow and also tomorrow I have my group therapy session. The reason I missed the meeting tonight was to be with my wife and knowing I would not be home the next two nights I wanted to share the evening with her.

This morning I had the pleasure of having breakfast with one of the nicest people I have met in the past 11 months. I did a lengthy telephone interview with this person about three months ago. He wanted to meet me in person (as did I) and we finally got to meet for the first time this morning. This person has been in the radio business for almost 50 years and has the perfect radio voice. He was such a gentleman and also a true professional. We talked for 2 hours over breakfast and we covered a range of topics from sports to religion to gambling and there was never a dull moment. I was truly impressed with this man and yes, I met him because of some unseemly circumstances but I know some good has come of all of this. I know the piece this man put together on compulsive gambling helped at least one person and this is what matters most to me. If my situation can help one person get help with their compulsive gambling addiction then I am NOT a lost cause.

I am sure there are some people out there who think they have made their last bet on Super Bowl today and it may have even won but I would guess that the majority of the people will be back to making those wagers in the very near future. I do know for myself it was impossible to stop on my own until I finally admitted I am powerless to gambling. This is not an easy thing to do and it took me 22 years to do this. Hopefully, it doesn't have to be this hard for someone else who may think they have a gambling problem.

I didn't set out to be felon 22 years ago but my compulsive gambling addiction led me down this path. It is going to get very difficult for my wife and children in the coming months when I am sentenced to prison. Unfortunately they will bear the brunt of my misdeeds because I will be locked away for whatever period of time. I am so very sorry for my behavior to all those I have affected especially my family they didn't deserve this.

I will do everything in my power to turn this negative situation into a positive one. I do know what I have done in the past 11 months and will continue to do has turned a negative situation into a positive one. I know the next few years will be very rocky for my family but we will get through this because I have the tools and understanding to get through this in a positive manner. We as a family will become much better because of all of this.