Born to Lose

A very good friend of mine who also happens to be in Gamblers Anonymous Program gave me a copy of Born to Lose : Memoirs of a compulsive gambler by Bill Lee. I finished reading this book earlier today and it is a very good book which chronicles the author's battle with compulsive gambling. The book is well written and also details the Gamblers Anonymous Program and how it works in helping people recover from this horrible addiction. The most fascinating item is the author's heritage; Asian and how this was a strike against him in his battle with compulsive gambling and on the same token it was a blessing as he entered recovery.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who has a compulsive gambling addiction or has been affected by someone with this addiction. It truly details the emotional roller coaster caused by compulsive gambling. I was very proud to read this book and knowing I am a member of the Gamblers Anonymous Program gives me much hope that I am on the right path to recovery.

There were chapters in the book that until I read the book I didn't realize I was actually working my recovery this same way. Mr. Lee speaks of having multiple sponsors and in a sense I have multiple sponsors even though I have one "official" sponsor. I have immersed myself in my recovery and I am so very grateful for this second chance to have a sane life. When I was gambling my life was anything but sane and now I am know I am closer to sanity than I have ever been thanks to the GA Program and the people within the Program.

I did realize another item as I was reading the book in regards to my triggers for gambling. The author had a very hard childhood and needed to escape into a fantasy world and when things went wrong he would cope by gambling thus compounding the problems. I on the other hand had a very good childhood and didn't need gambling to escape into a fantasy world. I did state that my mother and father divorced when I was a teenager and yes, I may have taken this harder than my sisters but it did not drive me to gamble. Gambling is something I found as a diversion to life as a teenager and early on I really liked it because it encompassed a passion I had for sports and the gambling was a sidelight. However; the gambling did not stay a sidelight for long as it became a lifelong problem.

I did realize that my coping mechanism when things were going WELL was to gamble. When things go wrong I tend NOT to gamble but when my life was seemingly on the right path I went and messed up by gambling. This appears to be the complete opposite of the author and I am very concerned in ten years when things are going well (because they will be going well for me) that I might become complacent and be lulled into a false sense of security which would cause me to gamble without thought of the very dire consequences. Yes, they would be very dire consequences because this would be my death sentence.

The only way I know how to NOT get complacent is to do the things I have been doing for the past 14 months which is working my recovery to the best of my ability. This includes (among other things) attending GA meetings at least 2 to 3 times a week. This is the key to my success I intend to remember this when things get back to normal. I know things will ultimately get back to normal but I must maintain my sanity through the GA Program. The Program has given me back my life and I intend to keep working the Steps each and everyday no matter where I spend those days. I need this recovery to stay with me for a lifetime because this recovery is so much better than the insanity which came before it. I thank God each and everyday for this second chance and I fully intend to make the best of it.