Consequences Continue

I received the telephone call that I have been somewhat regretting. The telephone call was from my attorney's office informing me the liquidator will be by later this week to pick-up my car. I was hoping to keep the car until my final (hopefully?) sentencing hearing on the 31st and also I was hoping against hope that the paperwork would be delayed much like the rest of my case but this was certainly not the case. Yes, the consequences continue.

As a disclaimer this car was bought well in advance of my criminal behavior and was paid off when I refinanced my home for the very first time. In fact; a condition of the refinance was paying off the car so it was NOT bought with dirty money. I don't know why I need to disclose this fact but I felt it important. Practically all of the dirty money went to finance my secret compulsive gambling life. I did feel it necessary to sell the car and put that money toward restitution because let's face it where I am going in 30 days I will have no need for an automobile.

First all of my assets including my checking accounts were frozen and seized which I have dealt with over the past 14 months. Then we sold our house and now my car is going away. No woe is me statements just the fact that it hurts. I am not sure why but losing the car and it seems ridiculous to even put it in print but it has really affected me more than anything else.

I bought this car when I first started my job in hopes of starting something good and for some stupid reason I really like this car. Oh by the way it is a 2002 Acura TL. Are you surprised it is NOT a Mercedes? The way the assistant district attorney was speaking at the sentencing hearing one would think I had 5 or 6 Mercedes' in the garage. No, it is an Acura and the only reason I bought it was I am a devoted Honda person and I have had Accords all my adult life; I just wanted to take the next step up. I know it is absurd but this consequence has hit me hard.

I also know the upcoming consequence of being away from my wife and children for a period of time will hurt much more than the car but I will get through it because I have so many tools to draw upon. I am drawing upon many of those tools as I get ready to give my car over to the liquidator. One of those tools is honesty; I am being honest in saying the consequences I have created really suck. However; I do know it is completely MY fault and I take responsibility for these horrible actions and I am doing everything in my power to ensure this horrible episode does not repeat itself.

For those of you keeping score at home; my compulsive gambling addiction has cost me my career, house, car and later this month it will cost me my freedom. I beg of anyone out there who has a possible gambling problem to seek help. Gamblers Anonymous has saved my life and remember no matter how down you may feel it is NEVER too late to get help for this horrible addiction.

Last night I had a fantastic conversation with a fellow GA member. I had spoken to this member a few dozen times at meetings over the past 14 months but never in depth. Last night we had a great conversation covering my situation, GA, exercising, dieting, among other topics. One of the great aspects of the GA Program is the fellowship and it keeps giving and giving with all the fabulous members. I am so grateful to have entered this fellowship 14 months ago.

I wanted to list a link to a story and one to a blog. The one blog is the member I spoke with last night and I found his blog fascinating; here is the link. There was another story in the news about a young man who embezzled $10.5 million from an Australian firm to finance his compulsive gambling habit. This story is at the very early stages and the information is a little sketchy but the message is very powerful; this addiction of compulsive gambling makes people do things they would never ever consider. Also; it doesn't matter how much money because to a compulsive gambler such as myself it is NEVER enough.