Six More Weeks

Like the groundhog who saw his shadow on February 2nd and went back into his hole and surmised there will be six more weeks of winter I was given six more weeks of bonus time!!! Maybe not the best analogy but I like the simile of the six weeks. Yes, today I went back to court for the 24th or 25th time (I have lost count!) and found out I will be going back to court (yet again) on July 12th for sentencing (God willing) along with the one unresolved issue which has held up the sentencing these two past times.

Today we resolved one of the remaining open issues which was proving the dollar amount of restitution. The Prosecution had subpoenaed many people and was ready for a lengthy discussion; I believe he said it should take four or five hours.

My wife and I arrived at court around 9:00 am only to have to sit there until 11:30 am. Finally at this time the restitution part of my case commenced. The person who I haven't seen in over one year was there to testify against me or rather this person was there to tell the facts as they understood them. Yes, this person was my old boss and was someone I considered a friend. It was difficult seeing him in this role but I knew I put him here so I had no right feeling bad for myself. I have stated this over and over again; I created this mess and so many other people have had their lives altered because of this mess and I am truly sorry.

This morning as my old boss was testifying as to the facts in the case and yes, they are the facts which I haven't disputed since the beginning. I realized this would be reliving the almost two year hell I went through while I was compulsive gambling and stealing to feed this compulsive gambling. I didn't like the way it was going because yes, I would have liked to have the total dollar amount of restitution come down but that would have meant denying allegations which were true. I firmly believe in the Gamblers Anonymous Recovery Program and when Step Ten says; Continued to take personal inventory and when we (me) were wrong, promptly admitted it. I was wrong to have my old boss and old friend on the stand because I did this horrible crime there is no denying these facts.

After about 30 minutes of testimony we had to break for lunch. I spoke with my attorney at length and decided we shouldn't go any further with this restitution hearing because it would have done me no good in the eyes of the judge. Yes, maybe the judge would have knocked a few dollars off here or there but the end result is the same I stole the money whatever the amount.

Some may think of this as giving up without a fight but I look at this as the doing the right thing. Let's face it this has dragged on long enough and I didn't need to sit there for five hours and hear the things I have already confessed to. I have plead guilty and I didn't need to rehash old wounds. I am all for making amends (which will include prison time and paying back the restitution) and moving forward not backward with my life.

I know my wife feels I have lost today but it is not about winning or losing it is about making the right decision and finally I am starting to make the right decisions in my life thanks to my recovery Program. I felt so much better after making this decision because it gets me one step closer to finally putting this terrible chapter of my life behind me and I can really start living without anything hanging over my head.