Step Eleven

The next step from the Gamblers Anonymous Recovery Program which I need to get into print is Step Eleven; Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

I have finally realized how important is to have a Higher Power in my daily life. I need only to remind myself of those days when I felt I was in charge of not only my destiny but the actions of all those around me or other-wise known as the PUPPET MASTER. With these thoughts I was lost and my life spun out of control. There are still periods in my life that I keep discovering because my conscious mind has suppressed them. Now I have a Higher Power in my life whom I choose to call God but not in a religious sense in a spiritual sense and my life is so much more fulfilling.

I know there is something much more powerful than me out there and I have surrendered to their will. I cannot battle this addiction nor can I live my everyday life without help so I look to my Higher Power for guidance. I have found some incredible guidance in the last 14 and half months and each day becomes a blessing.

In this step there are two methods of communicating with my Higher Powers; prayer which is talking to God and meditation which is listening to God. Each day as I wake up I thank God for the blessing of giving me a new day to enrich my new life and essentially I thank God for this second chance. I have been diligent each and everyday of thanking God for my existence because without God my life is worthless.

Also; as events warrant I recite the Serenity Prayer to God because this gives me the strength to deal with all of the adversity I have caused. Also; each evening before I go to sleep I thank God for all of the blessings I have encountered over the day. I am so very thankful in my prayer to God because I have been humbled by my actions and with God in my life I hope to maintain this humility because it is a key to my recovery.

The second part of this step is meditating which is listening to my Higher Power. This may seem crazy but my exercise routine is part of this meditation. I have been exercising for the past 15 plus years on a very regular basis. I believe this has rescued me from going completely insane. I spend forty-five minutes to an hour lifting weights and doing body building exercises. After this I perform at least one hour of aerobic conditioning either cycling or running. I have added the running portion over the past five years which has enabled me to accomplish a few marathons.

What is most important has happened in the past 14 and a half months as I am doing my aerobic conditioning I start to meditate. Before knowing anything about meditation I would just zone out as I moved through my workout. Now I try to clear my mind and listen to God. This again my sound crazy but it has helped me so very much with who I need to be. I need to be so many things but God has showed me I need to be honest, open-minded and willing. If I maintain all three items I can be the great husband, father, son, brother, employee, and basically anything I set my mind to because I have God watching over me.

The two days I don't exercise I try to find a quiet place in the house and meditate for 15 minutes just concentrating on the sounds of the environment. This also clears my head and gets rid of the negativity. There is no place for negativity in my life only positive thoughts will flow through my body. With these positive thoughts comes serenity and I know my Higher Power has a plan for me and as long as I keep listening and talking to my Higher Power this plan is going to be wonderful.

My success is based solely on having this Higher Power in my life and my failures are that of my own. I know I will still fail even though I have God by my side but I also know I am learning from these failures each step of the way. Yes, I have failed a great many people including myself but I fully intend to succeed and be the better person I am destined to be.