Excuses

I could find every imaginable excuse to go and place a bet but what good would that do me? Absolutely no good!!! As I have written before there wouldn't be just one bet it would be many bets and it would not end up well. In fact it would end in tragedy and I certainly don't want this to happen which is why I chose to NOT place that one wager. Who would this tragedy hurt? It would definitely hurt me and definitely hurt my family. I don't wont to impose any more hurt on me or my family. I am done with this hurt. All I want to do is live in a positive manner and give my family the unconditional love they have given me which is truly extraordinary.

When I was gambling I didn't rationalize my betting with excuses I rationalized as opportunities which in turn was an excuse. I had to come up with reasons to place that next bet but now I come up with one reason to NOT place that next bet and it is called the Gamblers Anonymous Program. Over 14 months ago I had the great fortune of entering a meeting and it truly was the best decision in my life. I had no idea how to stop gambling and I needed help. I have found this help and so much more. I have made so many GREAT friends in this Program and discovered some great things about myself. I know I am not CURED nor will I ever be cured from this dreadful disease. However; that is okay because I accept the fact that I am a compulsive gambler and my life had become unmanageable due to my compulsive gambling addiction.

I also know that I can arrest this illness one day at a time and this one day at a time hopefully will become a lifetime. My life long journey with not dealing with this illness has not been good; however; this past 14 plus months battling this addiction and NOT gambling has been great. I have been given so many blessings in my life which I have taken granted for so long. I no longer take anything for granted because it can all end tomorrow. Today is my blessing and I enjoy each moment as my Higher Power delivers it to me.

Tonight I had a great moment at the regular Tuesday Gamblers Anonymous meeting. I was given the opportunity to chair the meeting and it was my honor and privilege to chair this meeting. We had a packed room and we are getting more and more people who are coming to the Program and staying with the Program. I am so very proud to be associated with this incredible Program and the incredible people in the Program. The meeting tonight had very positive energy. There was a very good mix of people who are new to the Program and those that have been around awhile. Early on in the Program there is usually a struggle but as I have moved forward one day at time this struggle makes way for great things.

I have been blessed in this past 14 plus months because not only have I gotten my life back special things are happening. I will touch more on this in two weeks. Now don't get too excited because these special things have nothing to do with my legal situation. That will be resolved in two weeks from tomorrow (hopefully!!) and whatever happens is going to happen. I have faith in my Higher Power that whatever the Judge says will be a step in the right direction. I can really start to live my new life and continue to enjoy all my blessings.

Getting back to that positive energy in the GA meeting; there was a comment tonight from a long standing member about this positive energy and this comment was eerily similar to a comment made from a brand new member at yesterday's meeting. I know I get energized in a positive manner when I attend any GA meeting. There really are special things happening to those who work the Program. I am so honored to be privy to these special things and being able to chair the meeting this evening always gives me great pleasure.

I am so very happy to give back to the Fellowship because I owe it to myself and the Program to stay humble and to do the things that are required to maintain my recovery in the best way possible. As I maintain my recovery I keep inching (literally!) closer to becoming that better person I so strive to become each and every day. I know I am getting better and I am so very happy to live a life with honesty and dignity one day at a time.