"Disease"

This "disease" of compulsive gambling makes people including me do very bad things. Here is an update of a story I wrote about a few months ago which details some of those bad things. I don't know when this gentleman will be sentenced but I would guess it will be after my sentence on May 31st. I just pray to God this man is getting help for his addiction because it may seem like the end of the world now but it really is just the tip of the iceberg. I know if I didn't seek help some 14 plus months ago I don't know how I would have survived this far. I do know the psychologist who appeared at my sentencing hearing was scheduled to do an evaluation on this man. I believe he is still incarcerated so finding help with his addiction maybe difficult.

I know a few people have a hard time with describing compulsive gambling as a disease. I can only speak from my own experience and I can say if left untreated this "disease" would kill me. This treatment is a lifelong commitment because once I stop treatment it will be all over. I have no intentions of stopping treatment even when I am away for a period of time. I researched the prison systems of California fairly thoroughly and found out that there is no Gamblers Anonymous meetings available. However; the California Prison Systems do have Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous meetings at most of the prisons.

I don't know why GA is exempt from this list but I have already contacted a few people to see how I can start a GA meeting while I am on the "inside". If I don't have any success in getting a GA meeting started I know I can attend an AA or NA meeting. The addictions and terminology maybe different but the principles are the same; to recover from an insidious addiction. No matter the substance an addiction is an addiction and recovery is based on core principles which are instilled in the 12 steps. Whether the 12 steps are from GA, AA, or NA it really shouldn't make a difference to my recovery as long as I am honest, open-minded and willing to work my recovery. I will make it even if I don't have a GA meeting to go to because I do know there is some type of help available.

I also know I have a tremendous support group of people that will visit me no matter where I am located and this will be like a Gamblers Anonymous meeting. I do also know I can have reading materials as long as the books are sent directly from the publisher or distribution center. For some reason they do not allow books sent from personal residences maybe it has something to do with contraband. I will have my GA books sent from the International Services Organization so I won't be without this crucial reading material.

I fully intend to work this recovery for the rest of my life and I am not going to make any excuses no matter where I am. This is a lifelong commitment and it doesn't matter if a GA meeting won't be available everyday like it has been for the past 14 months. I have learned so much and developed some outstanding tools from this Program and the people within the Program that I owe it to myself to continue working my recovery to the best of my ability.

This is not a one shot deal this is a process that will be with me the rest of my life. I am forever grateful to the Program for giving me my life back and I won't turn my back on such a wonderful organization. Like I said; I owe it to myself and I owe it to the Program because it would be so selfish of me to NOT give back as much as I can to the Program. My selfish days are over and I like the selfless person a whole lot better.

I had a long conversation earlier today with a new member who is really struggling. This member did some major damage but none of it thank God is of an illegal nature. When this member first came to the Program a few weeks ago I found myself with terrible thoughts and I must apologize. I should not have had these terrible thoughts because this person was reaching out for help. Hopefully I was of some assistance to this member and I know if they continue working the Program which means following the 12-steps of recovery each and everyday their life will get much better; I know mine has.

We rather I as a compulsive gambler made a mess of my life and my family's life. I do know that I don't want to travel down that road again and the only way to NOT travel down that road is to NOT gamble and become a better person through the GA Program. Many members see the meetings as their salvation but unfortunately the meetings only last 1/12 of the day and the other 11/12 of the day is steeped in reality.

It is how I deal with this reality that will define me as a person. If I ignore reality or slip into a woe as me attitude I am doomed. However; if I embrace this reality as a second chance and be the better person I know I can be life continues to get better. I choose the life that gets better because it is head and shoulders over the other life of lying, cheating and stealing. I don't have to do this anymore and I intend to live my life with an honest positive purpose one day at time.