Ordinary Days Become Extraordinary

My wife and I woke up this morning to house that was all to ourselves. I reported yesterday that our dear friends were kind enough to have our children sleep-over their house last night so this morning we had a house without any children. This does not happen often and it seemed a bit odd. Usually my son comes into our bedroom around 7:00 am and he climbs into bed with us but not this morning because he was not here. I did miss that and I do know there is tomorrow and the next day for him to display his unbelievable affection at this early part of the morning. I do look forward to that but I did enjoy this morning lounging around with only my wife.

We did "sleep" in to a later time than we usually do and we took our time this morning. It was an ordinary morning but sharing it with only my wife made it extraordinary. I did have a chance to get in a workout after our morning lounging around and this may sound very trivial to most people but it is something I look forward to. I enjoy all facets of my life for the first time in a very long time and I look forward to more and more enjoyment as the days pass by.

There were some more extraordinary moments on this ordinary Memorial Day 2006. When I came home from working out my children had arrived home with our dear friend and their children. They were playing in the pool and we had a barbecue lunch. After lunch I put on my swimsuit and made sure I went swimming with the children. I played with all four children and it was wonderful. The weather was perfect, the water warm and the kids were having a great time and so did I. This afternoon went by so very fast but I enjoyed every moment of it.

Then it was time to attend my Monday evening Gamblers Anonymous meeting. We added this meeting in February of this year and it is only an hour meeting. The meeting starts at 5:00 pm and ends at 6:00 pm without fail. It is a little different than the other meetings but it is still a great meeting. This meeting is a topic meeting which means the chairperson picks a topic and the sharing is centered around the topic.

Tonight I had the honor and privilege of chairing the meeting and my topic was powerlessness. The first step in the Gamblers Anonymous Recovery Program is admitting we are powerless over gambling and our lives had become unmanageable. I was certainly powerless over my gambling and my life became a mess. When I first admitted I was powerless over gambling I didn't realize I was working this first step because I admitted this when I was found out at work. I said; "I am a compulsive gambler and I am powerless to gambling." I had no idea what this meant at the time but a few days later and now a year and three months later this little phrase along with a few other things has saved my life.

There is also more powerlessness in my life due to my gambling which is my legal situation. All of this is out of my hands and in the hands of one person the Judge. The Judge will decide on Wednesday how much time I will serve to make amends for my actions. I cannot control anything the Judge says or does and you know what; this is okay. Because I know my Higher Power is watching out over me and my family and whatever is said on Wednesday will be for the best. I caused this mess and yes, I am doing everything in my power to ensure this never happens again and to make amends to all those I have hurt.

I do know that on Wednesday my recovery does not stop even though I will be placed in prison. This does not give me an excuse to do something stupid this only enforces what I have learned in the past fifteen months. I have learned so much and continue to learn and this does not stop no matter where I spend the next few years. I will keep on doing what has worked so well over the past fifteen months and even though there are not Gamblers Anonymous meetings in the California Prison System I will find another 12 step program and attend these meetings and who knows maybe somewhere down the road I will be given the opportunity to start a Gamblers Anonymous meeting.

I am powerless to gambling and to my legal situation which does NOT mean I am giving up on myself. Rather the opposite I am giving it up to a power greater than myself so I can have strength to live every day with a positive purpose and to NOT gamble. I have found out what a Higher Power means to me and this means I am not alone no matter where I am. I maybe in a holding cell for days by myself or with one other person but I will be protected and guided to the proper path as long as I keep the faith. Keeping the faith to me is working the Program and this is a daily event performed one day at time.

Switching gears; tonight I gave my son a bath which could possibly be for the last time. I don't remember when exactly it was when I gave my daughter her last bath but I do remember she was five and half years old when she started taking showers and washing herself. Somewhere along the line my son will start taking showers and washing himself in the near future and in all likelihood when I come back he will be doing this so I thought to myself this maybe the last time I give him a bath.

Also; as I laid him down to sleep I thought this might be the last time I read to him because in a few years just like my daughter did he will start reading to himself. My these children grow-up so fast and it really is a wonder how great they are. Both of them are great children and no matter where they will be for the next few years I know they have the love of their mother, grandmothers and all of the extended family to get them through this transition period. In all that love they will have mine as well. It maybe from a distance but no matter where I am I will never stop loving them.

Yes, today was a seemingly ordinary day to most people but to me it was an extraordinary day because of all the blessings in my life. I have so many blessings from my family to my old and new friends. I love each and everyone one of you and thank you all for the tremendous support you have given me and my family over this past year. You are all very special people to me and no matter where I am I will have all of you with me in my heart.