Attitude is Still Everything

I had the honor and privilege to chair the Monday evening GA topic meeting last night. It surely was like old times (and I say “old times” as if it were a long time ago when in reality it was only two years ago before my sentencing) as I chaired the meeting because when this meeting first started I had chaired many times as well. I was filling in for a dear friend and it was my responsibility to come up with the topic.

I didn’t have to think long about the topic because it occurred to me when I was at the wonderful Saturday birthday meeting when one of the birthday celebrants was talking. This celebrant spoke about “doing the right thing” and how this has become a mantra for their 25 years in GA.

I did write about this on Sunday and it was still with me yesterday which is why I chose “do the right thing” (not to be confused with the Spike Lee movie of the same name!) along with “what does this mean to you” and “how has GA helped if it has helped at all”. I thought the meeting went well and it was one of the shortest meetings I have attended since my release.

I am a big believer in the meetings and I like to cut out all of the unnecessary items which seem to make the meetings longer. Announcements can be drawn out so I like to summarize. The meeting lasted 40 minutes but there was a great deal of insightful things said in that period of time.

“Doing the right thing” is an unbelievably simple concept yet it truly alluded me for so many years. I would do the right things most times but when faced with a very big decision to do the right thing I did the wrong thing because my thinking was completely distorted by my compulsive gambling addiction.

Thankfully through the GA Program my intention is to do the right thing each and everyday one day at time. A simple rule of thumb I use is if I have to ask myself then it probably isn’t the right thing to do. It is so much better to do the right thing because it all corresponds with honesty. GA is a program of honesty and now I can be honest and open with myself. This is a wonderful way to live and I do love my life.

I was pleasantly surprised to see the new member who attended Sunday night’s meeting come back for their second meeting last night. This new member spoke about doing the right thing but being so new to the program doing the right thing didn’t have the meaning to this member then it does to me. This is sad but it does show me how baffling and insidious a compulsive gambling addiction can become.

I know I was the same way because I could justify my actions when I was compulsively gambling and those justifications were certainly not doing the right thing. Hopefully, this new member’s stick around to find out what exactly is the right thing because it is well worth it (certainly in my opinion).

I did like the fact that the meeting was short and to the point. Sometimes the meetings go much longer then necessary which is why it is good to have quick, solid and poignant meeting in less then one hour. I do love our GA group because these are truly incredible people and the meetings are wonderful. It was great to chair and hopefully others got something out of the meeting as well.

I was faced with a bit of a morale quandary when my boss asked me to play golf this morning. The morale quandary was squashed when I spoke with my boss and thankfully the golf was discounted. At first I wasn’t going to play because it wouldn’t be doing the right thing; however; after discussing it with my boss I realized how fortunate I have become over these past six weeks since my release. This would be the fifth time I would play golf and I was feeling guilty. This guilt did not stay long with me and I did play golf this morning. I was still able to get my work done and had a fantastic day.

My attitude started to wane a bit on the golf course after I dubbed a few chip shots. I was hoping I was immune to this poor behavior but apparently I am not. I was feeling upset as I dubbed these chip shots but something in my head caused me to smile instead of cursing. I had to smile because my attitude was getting to be borderline ridiculous. Here I was six weeks after being released from prison playing golf on a very nice golf course on a very beautiful Tuesday morning and I was upset. I was upset because I dubbed the chip shots; now that makes no sense. I had to laugh and thankfully I righted myself before I went completely off track.

I was hitting the ball much better all through the day but I couldn’t score since I couldn’t chip. This is part of the game and if I want to improve the only thing I can do is practice. I remember standing out front of our old house with my children chipping golf balls into a net. This was great fun as my children joined me. I did get better by doing this but it has been almost two years since I had done this. I may have remembered how to hit my driver but chipping is another story. I’m not sure if I am devoted to practicing the chip shots since there are more pressing needs in my life so I will enjoy whatever golf I play and I won’t lose the good attitude.

I was back at the gym this morning after taking yesterday off since it was much needed. Today was day one of week number three of my running program which meant I was back on the treadmill. My legs felt so much better then on Sunday and I had no problem completing the 7 miles. I adhered to the 7 miles and stopped. This is a big deal for me because I like to push myself further but I learned last week to train within myself and the benefits will be much better. It was a very good workout and added to a great day.