Positive Thought Processes

It has taken me a number of years to realize and it is still a “work in progress” knowing my thoughts, actions, decisions and alike rest within me. It is strange (ok not really strange more interesting then strange) how recovery continues to teach me so much each and everyday. This maybe my “ego” talking but I did have a fairly good base going into recovery I just chose to ignore this base and just “float” through life.

I am finished floating through life and through awareness along with recognition my thoughts, actions, decisions and other “thought” processes have an entirely new meaning. In the pass I would think about these things but that is where it stopped. Now I not only think about these things I put these things in action.

These actions are centered in a positive being along with positive thought processes. I realized there are circumstances, people and matters outside of my scope of influence/control. I may not be able to change these matters but I can select the appropriate thought process to deal with these matters. This appropriate thought process must be positive and so must my actions.

I have fielded a great deal of negative actions this week but thankfully those negative actions were not emanating from me. I will not fall into the pity party and the woe is me actions nor will I lash out in kind. I need and will maintain the “high” road and this “high” road is all positive thoughts along with positive actions. All of these things are just temporary and really in the grand scheme of things everything is just temporary. I am passing through but it is up to me to do the “right thing” not just selectively but all the time. Sometimes all the crap makes it difficult to see the good but I see all the good not only in my life but in everything.

Dr. Dyer writes of how others influence behavior yet the influence comes from within all of us not without. This is a critical component because between my two ears is a hollow space with little (very little!!) brain matter and this is where it all starts and stops. My Higher Power has entrusted me with the Spirituality of Goodness and it is up to me to use it the way it is designed. Yes, I have ignored this for years but not anymore as I embrace this concept as it becomes a way of life.

I had another great discussion with my friend last evening and this is a true friend. I informed him of my current saga and he is a brilliant source for some very wise pieces of wisdom. I listen and always seem to learn something and for this I am eternally grateful. I won’t down play it I was very frustrated earlier yesterday but after talking to my friend this frustration dissipated quickly. This is the same friend who early on in my recovery gave me some very sage advice as I was told I am good person with a sickness. The sickness can diminish as long as I embrace recovery and it will be all good. This is exactly what continues to happen in my recovery and I am eternally grateful.

After the great conversation I made my way into my bedroom where I got ready for bed. Over the past two nights I found myself watching the prison shows on television. I don’t remember these shows being on before I was sentenced so I am going to guess these are new at least new in the past two years. I am amazed as to how accurate the programs seem to be and I doubt very much if I had seen these programs prior to my incarceration they would have had this type of effect on me. Thankfully in my 19 ½ months of incarceration I didn’t have to experience anything like what was being shown on the programs. The programs focused were the violent offenders and my interactions with the violent offenders were minimal if not non-existent. I need to pry myself away from these programs because I fail to see the value. The only possible value is the reminder for me what could have happened and what could happen without recovery. I choose recovery everyday as opposed to that type of existence.

I woke up this morning and instead of taking the day off from working out I decided to take the day off from any aerobic activity. This is an unusual step for me and although when I worked out in prison I was predominately doing the weight exercises; doing this out in the free world is a first for me. I usual combine the weight training with aerobic training and most times when I go to the gym I do some type of aerobic activity. Well this didn’t happen today as I did my weight work out and decided to give my legs a rest. I am planning a long run tomorrow so my legs do need the rest. I did have a very good workout and for once I didn’t end up a sweaty mess!!

The exercise session was over and I had to take the car in for service. Fortunately there are some great people in the GA fellowship so I was able to be picked up from the service station and taken to the GA meeting and when the meeting was over I was given a ride back. All of this was from a very dear member who continues to do wonderful things for the GA Program. The GA meeting was fabulous and what I thought would have been a small meeting turned out into one of the biggest meetings I have attended since my release. The meeting starts at 9 am and we only had 9 people but 20 minutes later an additional 10 people arrived. As I mentioned I haven’t seen 19 people in meeting since my return (not counting the wonderful 25 year birthday celebrations where 112 people attended) and having this many people in a meeting was great.

The meeting was great and many great words were spoken. There were people from all walks of life in the meeting but the common bond was our compulsive gambling addiction. I know for myself it has taken awhile to get to this level but what a wonderful level it has become. I was beaten down by my addiction but slowly and surely I am rising with honesty, openness, and willingness. This along with the awareness of my disease makes all the difference. I made some big mistakes but now I am making the right choices and goodness is in every aspect of my life.