There are Others

I do find solace when I stare at this blank page in front of me because there are some days (such as today) where I am not quite sure what will show up on this page!! I guess I am sending out a pre-qualifier so please bear with me. I received a very interesting email the yesterday. Apparently my situation is not uncommon as there is another person facing the challenges I faced over three years ago; more specifically; the challenges I faced while I was waiting for my sentencing. This person also embezzled to fuel their compulsive gambling addiction and is facing incarceration. Making matters worse this person also has a wife and two children. The similarities are frightening as their children’s ages are very close to my children’s ages.

I sent off an email with my cell phone number in hopes to be able to speak with this person instead of just communicating via email. I haven’t heard back yet but I did send out an email which I hope provided some assistance. I can clearly remember back to those days where I was waiting for my sentencing and I just wanted to fast forward the time. Thankfully the Gamblers Anonymous Program continues to teach me to live one day at a time which I do every day. I believe I made the best of a terrible situation and I was very fortunate during my entire incarceration. Now time has gone by and I am at the “fast forward” stage. The funny thing about time is that it is constant and will go by no matter.

It is difficult lending my experience to a person who is facing a very similar situation. The questions in the email were very normal such as “will I find work when I am released”, “what will happen to my wife and children” and other questions which will be answered in time. The “not knowing” was the worse and when I was given my sentence that ended the “not knowing” and there was a sense of relief. Of course I faced other challenges along the way and I continue to face challenges as I serve parole. However; as long as I stay focused in recovery I know great things will continue to happen. I do hope this person is committed to recovery because this is what continues to save my life.

My situation did work out and continues to work out for the best all thanks to recovery. I have a conscious decision each and every day to choose my attitude and I choose a positive attitude. This is the right way for me to live and I continue to do my best to do the “right thing”. I do wish this person very well and I don’t know the particulars of their situation only that sentencing should be happening very soon. Compulsive gambling is an awful disease and makes good people do bad/stupid things. There is hope through recovery and I continue to garner this hope each day.

Yesterday evening was the Monday GA Topic Meeting which meets every other Monday. Before I went “away” I helped establish this meeting and the “Speaker’s Meeting” but back then they were on two different nights; Monday and Wednesday. I guess the attendance was dropping so it made sense to combine these meetings on just Monday. The format seems to work out very well having the “Topic” meeting one week followed by the “Speaker’s” meeting the next week. I enjoy both meetings and the “Topic” meeting really brings the Program home for me.

The topics are usually thought provoking such as last night’s topic; “being of service to the Program and what does that mean”. Quite simply this is an integral part of GA and it means to be “stop being selfish!!” and to give back to the program. The program wouldn’t work if no one gave back. I know I was entirely selfish when I was gambling because I didn’t think of anyone except myself. This is what almost destroyed me.

Thankfully in recovery I can stop being so selfish and think of others. The key for me is to give back without expecting anything in return. When I first entered the Program I spoke with so many members with considerable time in GA and they were more then happy to talk to me. I gained so much wisdom and understanding about the Program from these talks and today these folks are some of my dearest friends. I want to give back because this is a large part of my recovery. I remember a member telling me to “be of service” to the Program which can consist of helping to set-up the room or preparing the coffee. I wanted to and I continue to want to be a part of the Program because it continues to save my life.

The meeting was over and it was the end of my day. I wasn’t very hungry last night because I had a big lunch at my new favorite (in terms of serving fresh, good, healthy and relatively inexpensive food) place for lunch; (especially when someone else pays!); Souplantation. My family and I have gone to this restaurants numerous times and my mother was gracious enough to send me a gift card for this restaurant. I am given a constant reminder about my family and I am there but we will share meals here soon enough. Anyhow I had a big lunch and they do serve some very healthy dishes which are clearly marked “vegetarian”. When I got home I didn’t need dinner just a quick snack of some trail mix and I was off to bed.

Tuesdays (today) do mark the beginning of my exercise cycle and this week is less rigorous training week in my training program. I was able to ramp up the regimen today because this is what I seem to do especially on the first day of the week. I had a very good workout and it was off to the office. I do want this job to work out because when I spoke with my wife yesterday she has many concerns as to how we will afford to live. I assured her everything will be alright and I know it will. I continue to take life one day at a time which encompasses all aspects of my life. As long as I continue my recovery everything will indeed be great.