Deja Vu in Reverse

I have come to the belief that everything in my life does happen for a reason. I may not be aware of this reason when these things happen and secondly I may never fully understand the reasons for the things that happen but my life is based on a positive. In this positive purpose everything does happen for a reason. Yesterday my family had a wonderful at my daughter communion ceremony and reception while I remained 3,000 miles away legally prohibited from leaving the state of California. Instead of attending the Communion ceremony and reception I was here attending my regular Gamblers Anonymous meeting. At this meeting was two brand new (first time) members or shall I say attendees.

One member was quite young and was accompanied by their parents. When I say quite young I mean someone who is not technically of age to gamble in most jurisdictions. I listened to the story of what brought this person to GA and noticed many similarities to my own story over 20 years ago. Normally when a new person enters the room the focus is on the new members and the therapy is geared for the new members.

Last night we had a double dose of new members so the therapy was definitely geared toward these members. I do the same and gear my therapy towards the newer members but often times I leave out pieces of my story because I don’t want to drone for a long time. Last night I did leave out certain pieces but I hit on the highlights (maybe lowlights in some circles!!) emphasizing I was given the opportunity to enter recovery at the age of 18 but ignored all the warning signs which led me to some very bad places.

It would be very egotistically of me to even think the reason why I was in the meeting last night instead of being at my daughter’s communion was because this very young person would be in the GA meeting. I do hope that this person took some credence to what I said and doesn’t have to learn the way I continue to learn. Yes, there was a reason I remained in California and I am so fortunate to be a part of such a wonderful program in Gamblers Anonymous. I do believe it is very difficult for a young person to understand the value of recovery because I vividly remember when I was 18 thinking I was invincible and much smarter then everyone. I did lose the invincibility aspect and it has taken me 20 plus years to finally lose the; I am smarter then everyone destructive thought process.

I don’t know what this person gleaned from the meeting but I do hope an ounce of awareness and realization that compulsive gambling causes unbelievable amounts of destruction. I was given a similar warning when I was 18 years old but I chose to ignore it because I had no idea the depths of my compulsive gambling addiction. Of course hindsight is 20/20 and looking back now with the things I have come to understand; I made a huge mistake not heading any of the advice I was given. I must say this person last night had a leg up on me when I was that age because this person actually entered the GA room whereas I was too scared to enter the room. I can only hope things work out for the very best and also hope to see this person at another meeting very soon because the GA Program does provide miracles.

I did have a good day in spite of the fact my entire family was spending the day together in celebration. I had my celebration listening to my family recount the day’s events and view the photographs I had been sent. I completed the day talking with my good friend and then falling asleep. I had a very restful night’s sleep and woke up very refreshed. Mondays are my scheduled day off from working out and I stuck to this schedule even though I took an unscheduled day off on Friday. This is more of a heavy running week compared to last week so I did need my rest.

I departed for work and after making stops at my new favorite stores (Henry’s Marketplace and Bruegger’s Bagels) I arrived at work much earlier then usual. I do have to comment about the Henry’s Marketplace store and say I can spend a great deal of money here because they have a selection catered to my finicky palate!!! Usually nothing strikes me when I walk down a regular grocery store’s aisle but at Henry’s I found myself saying; “I can eat that, I can eat that, and I can eat that!!” The problem is these entrees are very expensive although they do have very good sales which are my new thing; to buy only items on sale!! Sorry about the digression; I arrived at work and I was expecting a call from my Parole Agent who informed last week that they would be stopping by for the monthly visit.

I went about my day and I received a very interesting telephone call. This telephone call was déjà vu but in reverse. Over three years ago when I entered recovery and was faced with what I perceived to be a very daunting journey I reached out to anyone who would talk with me. I continue to meet so many wonderful people who have helped me in so many ways. Well today the situation was reversed and I spoke with someone who is facing what I faced over three years ago. This is such a scary situation and I remember quite vividly being extremely uneasy and stressed. I sensed this uneasiness and stress in the conversation and all I could do was to relay what I have gone through in the past three years.

My focus in the conversation and in life is recovery because this continues to provide me with a great life in so many different ways. The wounds of this person were very fresh and I don’t know if I shed any light on their particular situation. I do know when I was faced with the difficult journey I did get solace in speaking with people who had gone through similar situations. Two years ago my wife and I had a lovely lunch with another couple who went through a very similar situation to what we were about to go through. This couple was on the “other side” and I saw firsthand that it is possible to come through the difficult journey into a wonderful life. I was certainly educated going into my experience and I am forever grateful to everyone. Hopefully today I was able to give back since I have received so much in the past three years.

As I mentioned I thought my Parole Agent was coming to see me today but this never materialized. This is the first time this has happened and my cynical view sort of believes this is part of some master plan knowing I wanted to go to New Jersey over the weekend but I doubt it is part of any conspiracy!!