"Wisdom" "Acceptance" Oh My!!!!

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”. This is such a powerful prayer which continues to deliver me to serenity so many different times. I cannot count the times I said this prayer while I was incarcerate and although my need to summon this prayer has been lessened out here in the “free world” I still need to call on this from time to time. One of these times was this morning and I would love to go into detail regarding how, why, where and when I summoned the “Serenity Prayer” but I would be better served just providing the “Reader’s Digest Cryptic” version for fear of incriminations.

“Obsequious” comes to mind and I’m not sure if that is even the correct word. The definition refers to being obedient and dutiful; okay maybe it is the proper word when I think of my parole. I do my very best to be obedient and dutiful. In my quest to “do the right thing” I continue this action each and everyday. There are days such as today more specifically this morning where I really question those “things I cannot change”. I dug deep to accept this fact and sometimes it is downright frustrating.

My life is in the hands of others even though I am residing in the free world as I serve parole for the next year. Rightfully my life is in the hands of others because I put it there and I have come to terms with this; however; (there are going to be many “however’s” in this passage) the effect of others on my life is somewhat difficult. It makes it exceedingly difficult when there is inconsistency, double talk and conscious misstatements. Yes, I have to remind myself I cannot do anything about this or I need to really address the “wisdom to know the difference” section of the Serenity Prayer more thoroughly.

I do apologize for the cryptic nature of this passage but I am sure many can read between the lines. I was faced with a situation this morning that really took me back a few steps but thank God for recovery!! In recovery my reactions are tempered if not measured more carefully. I realize when it is time to defend myself and when it is not time to defend myself. There really is only so much I can do and as long as I do my best I know everything will continue to work out for the very best.

I am not in any danger of doing anything stupid but the bottom line is I am frustrated. Many things in life and really life itself is just temporary so “this too shall pass” and pass soon enough. I will be very happy when it all passes and my life returns to me in total. However; in the interim I will continue to summon the Serenity Prayer and seek that fine line between wisdom and acceptance.

My day got exceedingly better as I met with an exceptional pleasant professional. The last which happened to be the first time I met this person I was wearing something very different then I wore today and the surroundings were very different. Today we had a great lunch and we talked for almost two hours. This talk centered on my previous employer and all the comings and goings in the past few years. I was certainly briefed about all those comings and goings. I was not surprised by the many different things that were happened and continue to happen. I was surprised by the people who are and were involved in some of those activities.

One such person was my old boss who appears to be in a great deal of trouble, dare I say more so then I ever faced. I hold no ill will toward anyone especially my previous boss who appeared in court to testify against me. It is interesting to me how karma comes into play in most areas of my life and I have observed this in others as well. A glaring example of this was the Elliot Spitzer case and now my old boss is seeing karma come full circle.

It is ashamed when things like this happen and my goodness the more I realize the more I believe that I was in a bad environment and I am fortune to have moved on. Of course, the moving on was not of my own free will but everything continues to work out for the very best. I wish my old boss the best of everything and hopefully there is a good support network to draw from.

I enjoyed the lunch tremendously and the way things work out I am so very glad to have met this person. The reason why I was asked to lunch was this person had something important to ask me. No, it wasn’t a job offer or anything like that it was more of a professional courtesy then anything else. I felt it was more personal then professional in the way we spoke with one another and I alleviated any concerns with my response. I do hope to remain in contact with this person and once again I have no idea where all of this leads but I do know I am on the right path all thanks to recovery.