"The Last Lecture"

On Wednesday night my wife telephoned me to inform me about a television program that was airing later this evening. It was the television program “Prime Time with Diane Sawyer” and it was an interview with Randy Pausch. I had never heard of Randy Pausch so my wife explained that he is a Professor from Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh who did a lecture and this lecture has been titled “The Last Lecture”. My wife went on to explain that Professor Pausch a seemingly healthy 47 year old with a lovely wife and three small children has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and has only six months to live.

My wife who is in New Jersey and was able to watch the interview before I could then made similarities to me in appearance and behavior to Professor Pausch. I was very intrigued especially when my wife went on to explain Professor Pausch unbelievable positive attitude. Unfortunately I could not view the interview because I was having dinner with very dear friends. However; I telephone another dear friend who was kind enough to tape (is it really taping anymore??) the show so I could view it at a later date.

Yesterday afternoon I was able to watch the interview and I was so moved. Here is a gentleman who exudes the definition of humility along with being exceedingly positive all in spite of the fact that he was given a six month life expectancy. I watched the interview by myself and halfway through I had tears coming down my cheeks. He is a very special person and his wife along with his children is so blessed by his presence and he is blessed by their presence as well.

This is definitely a special person and his students have been blessed for a number of years. Instead of being angry, mad, and bitter and all those other negative emotions Professor Pausch is exceedingly positive. I never got the impression that he was deluding himself of the fact that he would win the battle with cancer. He is certainly making the most of every moment and living a legacy for his three children. He has a great analogy for choosing positive attitudes as he states either you are a “Tigger” or an “Eyeore”. I believe everyone knows those two “Winnie the Pooh” characters and their personalities. Tigger is bouncy, happy and positive whereas Eyeore is slow, ambivalent and negative. Obviously Professor Pausch has chosen to be a Tigger in spite of all the obstacles he has in his world.

I sat there transfixed and did see a great deal of myself in this man not only in the physical sense but an emotional sense. (At some point during the interview the camera zoomed in on Professor Pausch as he was speaking and I was fixated on his eyes and head movements because I thought I was staring in the mirror.) I don’t know what it is like to be given six months to live and hopefully I will never know; however; I do believe everything resides in my attitude. As Professor Pausch stated why be angry and shut off the world when he can live every moment in happiness thus embracing the time he has left.

This is so wonderful and really the crux of my recovery. I don’t know what the future holds and I cannot change the past so all I have is this very moment. It is entirely up to me how I live this moment and if I want to beat myself up and feel guilty for all the things I have done to my family and to myself I can do that but what good would it do. Life is worth living no matter what the past or even the future looks like.

There was a point in the interview where Professor Pausch stated that is not “unfair” that he has been given a death sentence rather “unfortunate”. I thought this to be very profound because I don’t know what the true definition of the word fair really is. What is fair; it all goes back to acceptance in my opinion. Professor Pausch has accepted his fate but this doesn’t mean giving back in fact it means quite the opposite; to live life like it is your last day on earth. He has no idea how many moments he has left with his wife and his children which is why he is cherishing each one of those moments. I certainly don’t mean to compare myself to Professor Pausch because there is no comparison but his words and actions are heartfelt to me. I have no idea how many moments I have left with my wife, children, friends and life which is why life is best lived one day or one moment at time.

Professor Pausch has written a book titled “The Last Lecture” and in it is all his life lessons and the legacy he is leaving for his children. I had not heard of Professor Pausch before Wednesday but thanks to my wife he has touched my life. Apparently his lecture was meant for the faculty of Carnegie Mellon University and someone videotaped it and it was placed on the internet for those professors who could not attend. Well this lecture went like wildfire over the internet and at least 6 million people have viewed it and counting. The lecture can be found at http://download.srv.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/ along with so much more information on Professor Pausch. If anyone has not seen the lecture I implore you to please view it. This is a very special person and going back to my belief of everything happens for a reason; this is an excellent representation of things happening for a reason.

I am so glad my wife informed me about the interview and Professor Pausch, his lovely wife and wonderful children are in my thoughts and prayers. Life is so worth living no matter the obstacles faced and Tigger is so much more happy then Eyeore!!! Watching this made my day and the rest of the evening went by so quickly.

This morning I decided my body needed a rest from working out since I have a long run scheduled for tomorrow morning. I slept in which was much needed. I drove with my dear friend to the regular Saturday morning GA meeting where it was a very good meeting. Once again a new member was in attendance and lately we seem to be getting our share of new members. Some of these members stick around where most others seem to fade away. These members that fade away are missing something special because I can say GA continues to save and enhance my life each and everyday.