Clearly on the "Other Side"!!

The theme for me these past few months has been the days passing by so quickly. There were a few occasions in the past two weeks where I wanted to sit down and write but I never made the time and that time just flew right by. I have heard so many people say “I never have the time to do fill in the blank….” I was never a big proponent of this and I am still not a proponent of this because to me it is a just another excuse. It is up to me to find the time and to make the time to do those things that keep me in recovery. In the past I let the time just go by now I am doing my very best to make the “best” of the time. As time goes I have now been out in the free world longer than I was in the not so free world. I served 19 ½ months and believe it or not it has been 20 ½ months on the “other side”.

There isn’t a comparison to which amount of time went faster but it really is hard to believe the five year mark is coming up very quickly. Now my life is filled with blessings and the days are whizzing by in a mere heartbeat. In terms of things whizzing by we completed the softball season this past Saturday as our team was eliminated from the end of the season tournament. Even though we didn’t do as well as I had hoped I had so much fun coaching my daughter and the team. There were some trying moments especially near the end of the season when our best player decided to forego our team for her All-Star team but in the end everyone seemed to have a great deal of fun. I do want to coach again in the spring and I got the “ok” from my daughter.

There is no doubt I am a very compulsive person as witnessed from my compulsive gambling days to my fanaticism of running and my insane diet. Another facet of my compulsive nature appeared as I became very compulsive with coaching the softball team. I was always looking out for new drills and constantly playing with the line-ups. Hopefully this is a good thing and I do believe it is a good thing because it did not take over my life. There were times where I spent many hours planning for the upcoming game and or practice but overall it was a wonderful experience. I was blessed with a great group of parents and made some new friends as well. Strangely enough these new friends have law enforcement backgrounds and it is so nice to have the past in the past as I was called “Coach” the entire season. Wow, what a difference a few years makes and what a difference a life in recovery makes!!

We had the team party last night at a very cool pizza/arcade. The great part about was seeing the girls interact with one another and it was only 2 ½ months ago that we started the season but there were some friendships formulated. Life is really about experiences and hopefully the girls along with the parents had a positive experience over the season. I know I had a very positive experience through and through. I really can’t wait for the spring season to start so I can plan, devise and strategize!!!!

Work had hit an “interesting” patch a few weeks ago but it that has past and work is going very well. This is yet another one of the many blessings in my life. It is so fascinating how a small decision nearly 5 years ago has altered my life for the better. As the “walls” were closing in on me I made a decision to attend a class and from that class started a friendship and from that friendship I am where I am today. I took a class to be a Counselor to Compulsive Gamblers and met my now boss. I did pass the class but I don’t have the necessary hours to be a counselor. However; once again everything in my life does work out for the very best.

It is hard to believe the holiday season is rapidly approaching with Thanksgiving only one week away. I have so much in my life to be thankful for and it starts with my family. My wife is incredible, my daughter and son are incredible and so is my life. The holidays are a very special time of the year but no matter the “special” day all my days are extra special.

Yesterday we had a parent/teacher conference with my son’s third grade teacher. This was a different type of conference that my wife and I had as compared with the conferences with our daughter’s teachers. Our daughter has spoiled us because she is a great student through and through and requires little to no attention. My son on the other hand requires much more attention and it appears he is at a crossroads in his scholastic career. The teacher stated “he is a good kid” which did mean a great deal; however he is struggling with reading. This isn’t a surprise and last year he received special attention but do to the budget cuts this year that special attention has gone away. I have confidence in my son because it is apparent he can do the work but he is so easily distracted.

The teacher was great explaining the process to us and she put it very succinctly that the current system is very hard on an active third grade boy. My son would rather play outside than do anything else in the world so getting him in front of a book has been a challenge. He could very well be on “fence” but I do believe he will move to the right side of the fence and straighten things out. He really is a sweet kid and it is up to us to provide the delicate balance he needs to move in that proper direction. I am sure there will be some bumps on the way but once again everything will indeed work out for the very best.

Disappointment Noted

It has been a wonderful two weeks since I last sat down to write a blog. My Mom came out for a visit and I was able to see my sister and her family along with a very pleasant surprise. Last week my Mom came in from New Jersey and we met her in Disneyland. My younger sister had a scheduled vacation with her family in Disneyland and since it is so close it was a natural to go and see them. It was supposed to be a surprise for our children because we didn’t let them know Grandma was coming but that surprise wasn’t as good as it could have been. There was another surprise that I was not in on. As we were waiting for Grandma to make her entrance into my younger sister’s hotel room in walked my older sister. This was a surprise to me and at first it took a few seconds to register. I was indeed surprised; however; I did ask her if my niece joined her since we were short players for our softball game the following day, yes, it is always about softball!! No, my niece didn’t join her but it was great to see my sisters all in the same room.

It doesn’t happen often that all of us are in the same state let alone the same room. I live in California, my younger sister lives in Colorado and my older sister lives in New Jersey so getting us all together is a major accomplishment. My Mom has stressed the importance of staying close and in spite of our geographical differences we are very close. It was tenuous with my older sister due to all of my “issues”; however; as time has passed my older sister and I get along very nicely. We had a very good conversation as I took my sister back to the airport for her return trip home. I can’t say enough about my younger sister who has been a steadfast supporter from the beginning and I owe her so very much for all the tremendous support.

Everyone had a great time at Disneyland and we did the usual attractions frequenting California Adventure mostly. My son even stepped up and went on Californian Screaming which he passed on during our last visit to Disneyland back in January. (By the way the last time we were in Disneyland my Mom joined us as well!) He still wanted no part of Tower of Terror but based on his progression I surmise he will be joining my daughter and me on this ride during our next visit.

Yes, it was a great trip to Disneyland and it is always great to have my Mom here for a visit. This is her third time this year and fourth time since we all returned to California. Her visit went so quickly and was filled with baseball and softball games. Upon our return we made our way to the respective “diamonds” with my daughter and son both having games during my mother’s visit. My daughter’s game last Saturday was very interesting because we only had 8 players due to injuries, prior commitments and family trips. The girls played hard and my daughter pitched as much as she has ever pitched in her short career. She ran out of gas in the last inning and we were on the short side of the ledger but we returned against the same team the following Monday and were on the winning side of the ledger. This was very cool to see the girls bounce back and no matter what happens during the year end tournament I have had a blast coaching this team.

My son has turned a corner and just like most of his season he is coming into his own. He had some very good hits and is certainly hitting the baseball better than he has all season long. My mom got to witness all the games and the whirlwind of our days. The days consist of going to work and getting the kids to and from their various games and yes, those days fly by and so did my mother’s visit. It was hard to believe I was taking her to the airport for her return trip home. We had a very nice lunch on the way to the airport and my mom is such a special person I am blessed to have her in my life.

I had a few “trying” days at work earlier this week and I had to call on all my recovery powers. I did manage to lose my “cool” during a discussion which is very unlike my demeanor. Normally I just listen and let the “tough” moments blow over but I felt I needed to say something. In retrospect I should have kept my mouth shut and just took it so I will chalk it up to a learning experience. I am very fortunate to be in the position I am and very grateful to the people I work for and with. I need to acquiesce to their wishes no matter how I feel because it is their business and I need to respect their wishes. I have to get down to business and make those people happy because this in turn will make me happy and truth be told I don’t have many (if any!) other options. I do enjoy what I am doing and I do enjoy everyone in the office so I do need to suck it up!!!!

I did have some unfortunate news this past week and it has to do with this insidious addiction of compulsive gambling. I “quasi” sponsor a person in the Gamblers Anonymous Program and this is a person I met several months ago. I received a very strange text and subsequently had a very strange conversation. I just didn’t understand the conversation but it became clear a few hours after the conversation. I received a text and the information in the text made what had happened abundantly clear. This person had gone back out gambling and as our little yellow combo states the results weren’t so good.

I cannot and will not work anyone’s recovery other than my own. I am here and I will listen along with hopefully offer some very sound suggestions but I cannot control another person’s thoughts and actions. I was a bit disappointed but this was a wake-up call to me. No matter how well I think I am doing I need to keep the Gamblers Anonymous Program in my life by attending meetings and keeping in touch with those in the program. If I don’t the results are disastrous and I have no intention of walking those paths every again. However; the only way for me to continue my recovery is to work the program to the best of my ability. I owe everything I have to the Gamblers Anonymous Program because I not only have my life back this is a much better life than it has ever been. Wow; life does work in mysterious ways and I am very fortunate in every aspect of my life.

Attitude Revisited

Another week in the books and wow these days are roaring by!!! I remember a time not so long ago when I wanted the days to be “fast forwarded” now I want the days to be put on “pause”!! Lately the “fast forward” has been fully enforced and this isn’t necessarily a good thing but compared to those days when I wanted this button to be pushed this is a great thing!

The week has been filled with the usual of work, softball and I was even able to attend a Gamblers Anonymous meeting during the week. I wasn’t able to attend last Sunday evening as we were stuck in the Verizon store getting my wife a new cell phone as a replacement to a broken cell phone. This took much longer than either of us anticipated but fortunately there weren’t any softball games (only practices) during the week I was able to attend a Wednesday evening meeting.

I was very impressed with the size of the meeting and it appears our group has adjusted to the new meeting times and venue. There was an internal issue with the Wednesday meeting but this was more aligned towards where we hold the meeting. The meetings are held at the place I work at and since our GA group has grown along with another meeting the meeting space has become a hot topic. Hopefully this will be all worked out in a few weeks as we accumulate more meeting space but in the meantime I was very happy to be the mediator.

The meeting was very good and the topic very appropriate to my week. The topic was “attitude” and I spent the past few days prior to this dealing with attitude. It all started at last week’s softball game where one of the players displayed less than stellar attitude. I had a few complaints and had to address the issue at our practice on Monday. I did have a discussion (albeit one sided!) with my daughter on having a “good” attitude as opposed to a bad attitude prior to the Monday’s team meeting. At the meeting I stressed the importance of maintaining a positive attitude over a negative attitude and I was quite impressed when the player in question pointed out her own flaws. I thought this to be a great sign and hopefully my words of “wisdom” (tongue firmly planted in cheek!) hit home to some of the players.

I know it is often a struggle with my own daughter who I have had a very difficult time with over the past few days. Yesterday I nearly ripped her head off as she wasn’t ready for the game and made a ridiculous respect. I know I am blessed with an incredible family and our children are really very good; however; there are times such as yesterday where I do wonder where I have gone wrong. I don’t like it at all when my daughter expects certain things and I am certain the finger comes right back to me because she has been given these things by wife and me over the past 11 years. Material items should not be the most important aspect in anyone’s life and it does drive me crazy when I hear this from my own daughter. I am a bit frightened as my daughter enters her teenage years but I have faith through all the bumps and bruises along the way everything will turn out great.

Softball keeps moving along and my coaching skills are being enhanced (I hope!!). We haven’t won a game in the past three games and the errors are killing us. We had a great week of practice and I thought this would translate into a great game. However; yesterday those errors were prevalent and we lost to what seemed like an inferior team. I too made some coaching errors as I tried a few things that didn’t work out so well. This is the fall and thankfully standings aren’t kept. There is a tournament at the end of the season to assess what the teams have learned and hopefully by that time we will have gotten all the bad stuff out of the way!! In the meantime it has been a great deal of fun coaching these young ladies and if my daughter allows me I will most likely coach again in the spring.