What a difference one year makes! Last year at this time my daughter and son were getting ready to go trick or treating in our neighborhood. It was my wife’s turn to chaperone them for the evening while I stayed home and manned the “candy bowl” for the other trick or treaters. My wife and I would take turns each year taking the children out and I believe I may have promised my daughter that I would dress up like Willie Wonka this year when I took them out trick or treating. Unfortunately, I couldn’t make good on that promise because here I sit almost 3,000 miles away from my family. I presume my wife will take the children out if the weather cooperates. The weather always seemed to cooperate while we lived in Southern California and generally the weather would get cooler this time of the year but we never experienced rain. Hopefully it did not rain in New Jersey and the children were able to enjoy their evening.
The neighborhood we lived in was filled with young children so there were many trick or treaters. Of the five years we resided there I believe we nearly ran out of candy each year. We didn’t think it was fair to the other children when they came to our house and no one was home. This is why one of us would stay home and give out the candy. It worked very well each and every year. Also, what seems like an eternity ago; only two years ago my mother was able to come out and visit us for Halloween. My mother (aka “Grandma”) and I took the children out around the neighborhood that Halloween and we had a great time. I dressed as a baseball player and my mother dressed as a witch. This year my daughter is dressing up as a Jazzy witch (think “cool” witch) and my son will be Darth Vader which I am sure he will love. I can’t wait to see pictures from this evening and also pictures from my niece’s sweet 16 costume party where my children dressed in these costumes as well.
Whether I was walking with my children through our old neighborhood or staying home doling out the candy, I always enjoyed Halloween. My children and all the other children were so very happy in their costumes receiving their candies. I believe my daughter and son loved dressing up as much as (maybe even more than) receiving the treats from each house. They would receive so much candy they couldn’t possibly eat it all and the years when I was working in an office I would bring in the left over candy. Invariably the office workers would consume any and all of the candy which was left over. My children wouldn’t eat that much candy. They had their favorites but my wife always limited their consumption especially when they returned on Halloween night. We didn’t want them with too much of a sugar rush prior to going to sleep. Finally if I remember correctly the children seemed to have a scheduled day off from school on Halloween when we lived in Southern California. This was planned by the school board each year and made waiting until 6:00 pm a very long day.
Of course I miss sharing days like today with my family and actually I miss each day I am away from them as well. This is another one of the horrible consequences of my actions. Also, there are some very big holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas which are fast approaching. Each day that I am away from them no matter the holiday or special occasion I miss then dearly. However, I do understand that as each day passes by I am one day closer to being with them for a lifetime. As long as I continue successfully working my recovery there will be many more Halloweens, Thanksgivings, and Christmas’ which I will share with my family. My situation is only temporary and one day like today where there are so many fond memories it makes it a little more difficult. I need to stay focused on being safe and strong in order to get back with them as soon as possible. Hopefully, I can get to a fire camp within the next three months so I will only miss one of their birthdays and I can return to them in time for my daughter’s 10th (wow 10??) and my son’s 7th in February of 2008. Whatever the case, when I do make it back to them I will cherish every second.
It is truly amazing how much I loved the little things in my life yet let my compulsive gambling addiction take this all away from me. Make no mistake it was my decision with horrible choices which led me to a place like this - prison. Here I sit somewhere in North Central California (I think?) counting down the days until I can see my family again. My life was a mess two years ago and out of control somehow I “managed” to have my (normal) alter side enjoy all the little moments Halloween brought. Yet, I could not control my gambling and let it destroy my seemingly normal life. Now 20 months into recovery, my world is anything but normal yet my sanity has been restored. Sure I am spending Halloween and the next two Thanksgivings and Christmases in prison yet my life does get better. This is not just mumbo-jumbo or mere words - this is the truth. If I weren’t in recovery there is no way I could have made it this far. In prison there is a great deal of downtime while I could think about my horrible actions and beat myself up. Thankfully, I do not do this and think about all the blessings in my life.
I do have so many blessings in my life and I am forever grateful. However, my recovery is for ME to become a better person. Yes, I do have so many wonderful people in my life but my recovery is for ME to get better and return myself to sanity. There are so many other people in this world who suffer from many addictions. In fact, I see these people on a regular basis. Some of these people have no one in their lives. They have no one to call on the telephone and they have no one to write to. Most of these inmates are very down on themselves because they believe no one cares about them. To me this is giving up and yes, it is hard for me to have an objective opinion because I do have so many people in my life who do care about me but if I did not care about myself I wouldn’t have anyone in the world. I must concern myself with myself and sure this is a very selfish thought; however, once I dismiss myself I dismiss everything I do believe in. My point is if I don’t care about myself how can I care about anyone else. There are many inmates (no matter how much time they have served) who truly don’t care about themselves for a variety of reasons and in my opinion it is IMPOSSIBLE to recover from any addiction if you simply don’t care. This is very sad because no matter why they are here - they are human beings who can provide a positive purpose. I know it took me to almost lose everything before I firmly committed to my recovery and everyone is certainly different. I do pray for these other inmates that they find their positive purpose and when they are released, they don’t come back. I know there is nothing I can say which would “save” them and I must concentrate on getting myself better each day. I am starting to understand the “revolving door” process of prison the longer I am here.
News update; the California Peace Officers Association (which is the Correction Officers Union) filed a lawsuit yesterday (October 30th) against Governor Schwarzenegger hoping to stop the transfer of California inmates out-of-state (Indiana) on the grounds of this being unconstitutional. I did know the C/O’s union was opposed to this measure but I thought the first lawsuit would come from the ACLU or an inmate’s family testing the constitutionality of this order. According to the news reports all out-of-state transfers are on hold (temporarily) until the lawsuit can be heard by a judge. I have no idea if this applies to me in any way and it probably does not. If these transfers are found to be unconstitutional then the Governor’s office will need to find another alternative method of dealing with the overcrowding since (according to their reports) the prison system will run out of space by June of next year. It will be interesting to see how these issues are resolved in the coming months.
I did receive a confirmation from the “classification” department that I do indeed have an appointment tomorrow (Wednesday, November 1st) for a classification hearing. I don’t know the time and I should receive this tonight. I understand this “hearing” will probably be like the meeting with my counselor at the reception center where he treated me like crap (for lack of a worse word!). Whatever the case I am happy I am moving through the system and I am ready to be “dressed down” once again.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Monday, October 30, 2006
Monday - Monday
Today was our afternoon “yard” day which means our tie (the bottom) gets out only once at 12:30 pm to 4:00 pm. As I wrote about last week I prefer getting out first thing in the morning in order to start my workout. Also I was curious to start a full week of the physical training plus class. This is the class that gets the inmates ready for the regular physical training class. In addition, if I were to become an instructor I will be leading this class. I was very fortunate to be able to get outside first thing this morning in order to attend this class.
The class was the easiest day because of it being a Monday and presumably many of the inmates’s first training class. It was a very good warm-up for me and helped me focus in on my techniques a bit more. It also gave me the chance to speak with the lead instructor once again. I wanted to verify my form and was able to get “that’s perfect” from the lead instructor. After the class, which only lasted about 30 minutes I stayed and worked out an additional hour and 15 minutes. I needed to focus in on the exercises which I was able to do. The mountain climbers still seem to give me problems most likely due to my high arched feet and very tight hamstrings. There really is nothing I can do about my feet but I can do more hamstring stretches. For as long as I can remember I have had a problem with my hamstring flexibility. This is due to my long distance running and lack of stretching. Last week I started doing more stretches and very slowly each day my flexibility is improving. I just have to stay with it and continue doing a little more each day. I know better than to do too much because the last thing I want to do is pull something. I do know slow and steady always is the best.
I do enjoy the fact that I can now exercise regularly outside even if it is in the afternoons. I also realize how good I had it when I was exercising in a health club. I was able to vary my pieces of exercise equipment. Also, I could alternate riding the stationary bike with running on the treadmill. All of my training for the five marathons I ran had been predominately done on the treadmill. I did some long runs outside but the training leading up to the marathons was performed on the treadmill. Now I don’t have the options which were available to me and mostly I jog and do calisthenics. There are pull-up bars and dip bars available, but I do prefer the calisthenics. I must be careful not to over do the jogging especially since I am jogging in borrowed sneakers (tennis shoes for those of you on the West Coast). I was honored to be given these sneakers even though they are not running shoes. These sneakers are 100% better than my work boots and I was very fortunate to receive them. They are sketcher sneakers and have a great deal of cushion; however, the running track is made of asphalt and the type of mileage I have been doing I must be careful not to do too much. This is why today I concentrated only on the calisthenics while running only three miles.
I have been feeling good both mentally and physically. This has a great deal to do with being able to exercise each day outside. The weather has been spectacular. The daytime “highs” have been in the low 70’s and the evening “lows” have been in the mid 40’s which is perfect for sleeping. I have not seen a cloud in the sky since I arrived here 10 days ago and my face now has color because of the bright sunshine. I don’t know how cold it gets here in the winter and judging by the denim coat I received hopefully it doesn’t get too cold. I believe we are getting thermal underwear by the end of this week which may mean it does get cold. I believe the early morning temperature this morning was 42 degrees which may not be cold to many people but for me spending13 years on the West coast in some rather tepid conditions, it feels cold. I do understand that out of the two fire camp training centers the one I am at (Sierra Conservation Center) has much better weather because at the other center (California Conservation Center) it snows 8 months out of the year. This one is located in the High Sierra which produces the most snowfall of any region in the United States. So I have been very fortunate being placed here in so many different ways.
I had a very good morning and when I came back inside I was able to jump right into the shower. Since all of the rest of my dorm mates were preparing to go outside this afternoon, I was able to take a nice long hot shower. There is one unique thing about taking a shower in prison (well there maybe more!) which is to go into the shower with my socks (wearing shower shoes of course), boxers and undershirt. I don’t do this because I am modest; I do this because it is the easiest way to wash my socks, boxers and undershirt. Otherwise I could wash them in the sink or wait until Tuesday when the prison does laundry. I prefer washing my clothes while I am washing my body. This certainly does get old but there is no other way to keep clean underwear during the week. I was only given three pair of boxers, undershirts, and four pairs of socks. There are seven days until laundry day (once a week). We do receive the laundry items the next day but I would have to have at least nine pair of boxers, undershirts, and socks to take full advantage of the laundry. With the way I workout the only way for me to keep my bunk area from smelling is to wash everyday. Also, I was able to borrow a pair of workout shorts until my package arrives and these are washed daily as well. Fortunately, this area has very low humidity and the clothes dry fast. I hang the clothes from my bunk and there are two makeshift clothes lines attached to the front and back of the bunk.
I am not very fond of always washing, rinsing and wringing my clothes but my options are limited. Earlier on I was having a hard time wringing out my undershirts enough so they would not drip onto the bunk while hanging. However; now I know I need to ensure all the water is out of the undershirt prior to me hanging it from the bunk. I don’t wash my colored pants and shirts for this reason because I can’t seem to wring them out well enough. Also I can wait the week in order to have them washed in the prison laundry. IN addition, I only wear the pants and shirts to breakfast and dinner. All the other times is spent in my workout shorts and undershirts. I cannot wait for the day where I can jump into the shower and only wash my body.
I was able to get outside for the afternoon yard and had a few administrative things I needed to do. First thing was signing up for a telephone call. I told my wife I would try and call her on Wednesday so I could speak with the children. Today being Monday means at 1:00 pm the selections for Wednesday’s telephone assignment come out. I was able to secure a 3:00 pm slot on Wednesday for the telephone call. I have heard I am possibly going to classification on Wednesday which I am sure will conflict with this time. However, apparently the confirmation (ducat) of going to classification does not come out until Tuesday night so just in case it does not conflict with my telephone call I needed to schedule it.
I wrote about my medical appointment “debacle” and I am still waiting for the re-scheduled appointment. I do hope this does not delay my process in any way because two of the critical steps of getting to fire camp are classification and medical. Also, the fact that I am over the age of 40 (I am 41) I need an EKG before being cleared for fire camp. I understand the medical staff were performing these last week which is a great sign because prior to this obtaining one was a hassle. I was told it was taking some inmates three months before they received an EKG this holding up their fire camp eligibility status. Again, hopefully the re-scheduled medical appointment will happen very soon.
I do like Mondays for the simple reason another week has started and another week has been completed. I am still on the peripheral of finding a routine at least for today. In fact, I have found a routine for the days I have morning yard, I just have to keep figuring out how I can get outside in the morning on days I don’t have morning yard. I did like the fact of having the afternoon of taking it easy and doing some administrative errands. The other administrative errand was finally exchanging my double X size boxers for something (size 30 as opposed to size 48!) that actually fits me. I was able to exchange my boxers and pants for a reasonable size. I was also able to exchange my work boots from a wide size to a regular size. I was not able to exchange my four X size shirts because they did not have any so I will continue wearing these “dresses” for the foreseeable future. These are very small items in the grand scheme of prison but they do make my days go faster which is my goal each and every day.
The class was the easiest day because of it being a Monday and presumably many of the inmates’s first training class. It was a very good warm-up for me and helped me focus in on my techniques a bit more. It also gave me the chance to speak with the lead instructor once again. I wanted to verify my form and was able to get “that’s perfect” from the lead instructor. After the class, which only lasted about 30 minutes I stayed and worked out an additional hour and 15 minutes. I needed to focus in on the exercises which I was able to do. The mountain climbers still seem to give me problems most likely due to my high arched feet and very tight hamstrings. There really is nothing I can do about my feet but I can do more hamstring stretches. For as long as I can remember I have had a problem with my hamstring flexibility. This is due to my long distance running and lack of stretching. Last week I started doing more stretches and very slowly each day my flexibility is improving. I just have to stay with it and continue doing a little more each day. I know better than to do too much because the last thing I want to do is pull something. I do know slow and steady always is the best.
I do enjoy the fact that I can now exercise regularly outside even if it is in the afternoons. I also realize how good I had it when I was exercising in a health club. I was able to vary my pieces of exercise equipment. Also, I could alternate riding the stationary bike with running on the treadmill. All of my training for the five marathons I ran had been predominately done on the treadmill. I did some long runs outside but the training leading up to the marathons was performed on the treadmill. Now I don’t have the options which were available to me and mostly I jog and do calisthenics. There are pull-up bars and dip bars available, but I do prefer the calisthenics. I must be careful not to over do the jogging especially since I am jogging in borrowed sneakers (tennis shoes for those of you on the West Coast). I was honored to be given these sneakers even though they are not running shoes. These sneakers are 100% better than my work boots and I was very fortunate to receive them. They are sketcher sneakers and have a great deal of cushion; however, the running track is made of asphalt and the type of mileage I have been doing I must be careful not to do too much. This is why today I concentrated only on the calisthenics while running only three miles.
I have been feeling good both mentally and physically. This has a great deal to do with being able to exercise each day outside. The weather has been spectacular. The daytime “highs” have been in the low 70’s and the evening “lows” have been in the mid 40’s which is perfect for sleeping. I have not seen a cloud in the sky since I arrived here 10 days ago and my face now has color because of the bright sunshine. I don’t know how cold it gets here in the winter and judging by the denim coat I received hopefully it doesn’t get too cold. I believe we are getting thermal underwear by the end of this week which may mean it does get cold. I believe the early morning temperature this morning was 42 degrees which may not be cold to many people but for me spending13 years on the West coast in some rather tepid conditions, it feels cold. I do understand that out of the two fire camp training centers the one I am at (Sierra Conservation Center) has much better weather because at the other center (California Conservation Center) it snows 8 months out of the year. This one is located in the High Sierra which produces the most snowfall of any region in the United States. So I have been very fortunate being placed here in so many different ways.
I had a very good morning and when I came back inside I was able to jump right into the shower. Since all of the rest of my dorm mates were preparing to go outside this afternoon, I was able to take a nice long hot shower. There is one unique thing about taking a shower in prison (well there maybe more!) which is to go into the shower with my socks (wearing shower shoes of course), boxers and undershirt. I don’t do this because I am modest; I do this because it is the easiest way to wash my socks, boxers and undershirt. Otherwise I could wash them in the sink or wait until Tuesday when the prison does laundry. I prefer washing my clothes while I am washing my body. This certainly does get old but there is no other way to keep clean underwear during the week. I was only given three pair of boxers, undershirts, and four pairs of socks. There are seven days until laundry day (once a week). We do receive the laundry items the next day but I would have to have at least nine pair of boxers, undershirts, and socks to take full advantage of the laundry. With the way I workout the only way for me to keep my bunk area from smelling is to wash everyday. Also, I was able to borrow a pair of workout shorts until my package arrives and these are washed daily as well. Fortunately, this area has very low humidity and the clothes dry fast. I hang the clothes from my bunk and there are two makeshift clothes lines attached to the front and back of the bunk.
I am not very fond of always washing, rinsing and wringing my clothes but my options are limited. Earlier on I was having a hard time wringing out my undershirts enough so they would not drip onto the bunk while hanging. However; now I know I need to ensure all the water is out of the undershirt prior to me hanging it from the bunk. I don’t wash my colored pants and shirts for this reason because I can’t seem to wring them out well enough. Also I can wait the week in order to have them washed in the prison laundry. IN addition, I only wear the pants and shirts to breakfast and dinner. All the other times is spent in my workout shorts and undershirts. I cannot wait for the day where I can jump into the shower and only wash my body.
I was able to get outside for the afternoon yard and had a few administrative things I needed to do. First thing was signing up for a telephone call. I told my wife I would try and call her on Wednesday so I could speak with the children. Today being Monday means at 1:00 pm the selections for Wednesday’s telephone assignment come out. I was able to secure a 3:00 pm slot on Wednesday for the telephone call. I have heard I am possibly going to classification on Wednesday which I am sure will conflict with this time. However, apparently the confirmation (ducat) of going to classification does not come out until Tuesday night so just in case it does not conflict with my telephone call I needed to schedule it.
I wrote about my medical appointment “debacle” and I am still waiting for the re-scheduled appointment. I do hope this does not delay my process in any way because two of the critical steps of getting to fire camp are classification and medical. Also, the fact that I am over the age of 40 (I am 41) I need an EKG before being cleared for fire camp. I understand the medical staff were performing these last week which is a great sign because prior to this obtaining one was a hassle. I was told it was taking some inmates three months before they received an EKG this holding up their fire camp eligibility status. Again, hopefully the re-scheduled medical appointment will happen very soon.
I do like Mondays for the simple reason another week has started and another week has been completed. I am still on the peripheral of finding a routine at least for today. In fact, I have found a routine for the days I have morning yard, I just have to keep figuring out how I can get outside in the morning on days I don’t have morning yard. I did like the fact of having the afternoon of taking it easy and doing some administrative errands. The other administrative errand was finally exchanging my double X size boxers for something (size 30 as opposed to size 48!) that actually fits me. I was able to exchange my boxers and pants for a reasonable size. I was also able to exchange my work boots from a wide size to a regular size. I was not able to exchange my four X size shirts because they did not have any so I will continue wearing these “dresses” for the foreseeable future. These are very small items in the grand scheme of prison but they do make my days go faster which is my goal each and every day.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Approachable
I am not sure if it is or if it is one of those prison things that I don’t seem to understand, but for some reason when I am working out during yard time, other inmates seem to feel the need to converse with me. Over the past two days – but not today – I was in the middle of my workout when I was approached by two inmates who wanted to talk to me. I knew one of them and he came here on the same basis as me. However, I had never seen the other inmate. I am not exactly happy when my workout gets interrupted but hopefully I don’t show my displeasure because this could be misconstrued as disrespect. One of the most important things I have learned is to never slight anyone. I have unintentionally insulted another inmate while I was at the reception center but luckily this was quickly clarified. I don’t believe I disrespected either one of these inmates because I was very polite and cordial.
The conversation was about working out in both instances. The inmate that I knew was having a hard time running a mile and I gave him some encouragement along with some training tips. The other inmate spoke about working out and he was giving me advice on exercise techniques. Unfortunately, this was not the type of advice I was seeking because in order for me to become a physical training instructor, I have to perform each exercise perfectly with no cheating. He gave me some insight on getting to a fire camp faster which I thanked him for. While I was speaking with this inmate I was wondering if I should give a four month commitment to stay here if I become an instructor. I am not sure if it is worth it because even though it’s a great job, I so want to get to a camp as soon as possible. According to his inmate and his inside information, I could get to a fire camp in less than three months. This may not be the precise camp that I would want to go; however, anyone will be fine because most of them are only a few hours away from where I used to live. Also, with my family currently residing in NJ, it really doesn’t matter where I go as long as I get there as soon as possible.
Again, these are only possibilities and whatever happens will happen. I do like the fact that I am learning how the prison system operates and with a bit of luck this will expedite my stay here. Whatever the case, my eyes and ears are always open and even when I am working out I am open to anyone who wants to talk to me. What is also interesting is when I am doing my running, many inmates ask me how many laps I have completed.
When I tell them 21 or 24 (3 laps equal one mile) they seem astonished. It really isn’t a big deal and I certainly don’t make a big deal about it; however, many of the inmates seem impressed and the conversation always turns to me giving encouragement on their running. Again, I always seem to stay positive (but not too much since I don’t want to seem insincere) and turn the conversation towards the other inmate. This does make for some interesting conversations and hopefully some of my encouragement stays with them.
Each day I am grateful for being a compulsive gambler in RECOVERY. Prison is a tough place for someone with a gambling addiction especially this time of year with the NFL Football season. Gambling on these games is everywhere and even as I write there are screams emanating from the television 10 feet away from where I sit on my bunk. Each week the dorm inmates have a pool on the NFL games and I believe the cost is two soups – which equates to 40 cents. I believe the winner receives 50 soups which means out of the 36 dorm members, 25 participate in the pool each week. Also, there are many inmates who sell squares to the games for the same price of two soups. Thanks to my recovery, I am able to say “No thank you” to all the offers. Unfortunately, there are no GA meetings available nor can I find AA or NA meetings which supposedly are offered. Happily, there are no urges for me to join these pools or make any bets. The reason why my life continues to get better is because of my recovery. I will not jeopardize that in any way. Sure there aren’t any GA meetings to turn to but I do have a whole host of reading material to turn to in order to reinforce my recovery. My mother, sponsor, and incredible GA friends have provided me with this material and when I am feeling a little down, I open up one of these letters and I am instantly uplifted. Life is not about making some inconsequential wager which would cause my life to end. Life IS about living with a positive purpose and to stay “gamble free”. I have no intention of repeating my horrible mistakes from the past and the only way for me to learn from these mistakes is to stay in recovery. This is a lifetime process and I love how the last year and eight months have gone even though I am in this “foreign” place. I can’t wait until the burden of my incarceration is lifted so I can continue my wonderful recovery in freedom.
The clocks went back this morning, consequently making today a 25 hour day. Normally, I would look forward to gaining this one hour of sleep. However, being here I did not welcome this additional hour. Also, for the first time in a very long time I didn’t have to set a clock back. For as long as I could remember, I would go all around the house and set the clocks back. I would do this in the late afternoon of the day before they were supposed to go back. This would drive my wife crazy because even though the time had not changed, it had changed on every clock in the house and the car. Now I just look outside across the yard at the two clocks. Much to my surprise, these clocks were set back at the precise time that they should have been. I did wake up at 4:00 am and wondered if it was truly 4:00 or 3:00 and I realized it was 4:00 am. I went back to sleep for another two hours and found the yard clock was correct when I compared it to the one on the TV. My life is certainly at the mercy of others when I cannot even rely on myself for the proper time. I do miss the little things such as setting a clock back and I know in the not so distant future, I will again have the opportunity to drive my wife crazy when I set them back too far in advance.
The conversation was about working out in both instances. The inmate that I knew was having a hard time running a mile and I gave him some encouragement along with some training tips. The other inmate spoke about working out and he was giving me advice on exercise techniques. Unfortunately, this was not the type of advice I was seeking because in order for me to become a physical training instructor, I have to perform each exercise perfectly with no cheating. He gave me some insight on getting to a fire camp faster which I thanked him for. While I was speaking with this inmate I was wondering if I should give a four month commitment to stay here if I become an instructor. I am not sure if it is worth it because even though it’s a great job, I so want to get to a camp as soon as possible. According to his inmate and his inside information, I could get to a fire camp in less than three months. This may not be the precise camp that I would want to go; however, anyone will be fine because most of them are only a few hours away from where I used to live. Also, with my family currently residing in NJ, it really doesn’t matter where I go as long as I get there as soon as possible.
Again, these are only possibilities and whatever happens will happen. I do like the fact that I am learning how the prison system operates and with a bit of luck this will expedite my stay here. Whatever the case, my eyes and ears are always open and even when I am working out I am open to anyone who wants to talk to me. What is also interesting is when I am doing my running, many inmates ask me how many laps I have completed.
When I tell them 21 or 24 (3 laps equal one mile) they seem astonished. It really isn’t a big deal and I certainly don’t make a big deal about it; however, many of the inmates seem impressed and the conversation always turns to me giving encouragement on their running. Again, I always seem to stay positive (but not too much since I don’t want to seem insincere) and turn the conversation towards the other inmate. This does make for some interesting conversations and hopefully some of my encouragement stays with them.
Each day I am grateful for being a compulsive gambler in RECOVERY. Prison is a tough place for someone with a gambling addiction especially this time of year with the NFL Football season. Gambling on these games is everywhere and even as I write there are screams emanating from the television 10 feet away from where I sit on my bunk. Each week the dorm inmates have a pool on the NFL games and I believe the cost is two soups – which equates to 40 cents. I believe the winner receives 50 soups which means out of the 36 dorm members, 25 participate in the pool each week. Also, there are many inmates who sell squares to the games for the same price of two soups. Thanks to my recovery, I am able to say “No thank you” to all the offers. Unfortunately, there are no GA meetings available nor can I find AA or NA meetings which supposedly are offered. Happily, there are no urges for me to join these pools or make any bets. The reason why my life continues to get better is because of my recovery. I will not jeopardize that in any way. Sure there aren’t any GA meetings to turn to but I do have a whole host of reading material to turn to in order to reinforce my recovery. My mother, sponsor, and incredible GA friends have provided me with this material and when I am feeling a little down, I open up one of these letters and I am instantly uplifted. Life is not about making some inconsequential wager which would cause my life to end. Life IS about living with a positive purpose and to stay “gamble free”. I have no intention of repeating my horrible mistakes from the past and the only way for me to learn from these mistakes is to stay in recovery. This is a lifetime process and I love how the last year and eight months have gone even though I am in this “foreign” place. I can’t wait until the burden of my incarceration is lifted so I can continue my wonderful recovery in freedom.
The clocks went back this morning, consequently making today a 25 hour day. Normally, I would look forward to gaining this one hour of sleep. However, being here I did not welcome this additional hour. Also, for the first time in a very long time I didn’t have to set a clock back. For as long as I could remember, I would go all around the house and set the clocks back. I would do this in the late afternoon of the day before they were supposed to go back. This would drive my wife crazy because even though the time had not changed, it had changed on every clock in the house and the car. Now I just look outside across the yard at the two clocks. Much to my surprise, these clocks were set back at the precise time that they should have been. I did wake up at 4:00 am and wondered if it was truly 4:00 or 3:00 and I realized it was 4:00 am. I went back to sleep for another two hours and found the yard clock was correct when I compared it to the one on the TV. My life is certainly at the mercy of others when I cannot even rely on myself for the proper time. I do miss the little things such as setting a clock back and I know in the not so distant future, I will again have the opportunity to drive my wife crazy when I set them back too far in advance.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Inmates And One Shower
One of the many drawbacks about being an inmate in the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation Center (this is the proper name yet, all of the prison issued clothing has CDC printed conspicuously leaving out the “R” - I wonder why?) is the severe overcrowding. All of the statistics are out there; a system which was built to house 100,000 inmates now houses 173,000 and climbing. A direct result of the overcrowding is the dorm where I reside. This was built to house 16 inmates and now houses 36 a 110% increase? The inmate count has gone up dramatically, yet the infrastructure remains the same. Yes, there are 36 inmates and one shower which is designed to service two inmates at a time but one shower is inoperable, just as well because there is only enough room for one person. Thankfully, we have a good system of getting into the shower. When an inmate is ready, he places his ID card down. Inmates who come directly back from work or firefighting training have priority over the inmates who do not work or train. These inmates place their ID card on the right hand side perpendicular to the other ID cards. They have first dibs when the shower becomes available and everyone appears to honor this system.
Unfortunately, it is not pleasant to wait over an hour, sometimes two, when you are hot and sweaty coming back from working out during yard. I have had to wait this long and now I know the first thing to do when I come back into the dorm from working out is to go directly into the bathroom and place my ID card on the mirror. I did this today and only had to wait 30 minutes for a shower which is quite an improvement over the other day when I had to wait two hours and twenty minutes. These are things I must live with and I have been told that the shower situation gets much better at fire camp. Most of these camps house 120 inmates in total and have dormitories to match the number of inmates. Apparently, the overcrowding hasn’t filtered down to the camps as of yet.
I think I have touched on this before, but it bears repeating. Not everywhere here at SCC gets to go to an actual camp. Also, even though an inmate goes to one, it does not mean that he can’t be sent back here. In fact, as recent as last week an entire fire camp was sent back here – commonly referred to as “rolled up”. I heard that everyone of them tested positive for drugs. One of the many positives of residing at an actual camp is the relative freedom of coming and going. The inmates are treated as adults and are expected to act that way. However, sometimes the inmates take advantage of these freedoms. I certainly do not intend to abuse the privilege of being placed into a fire camp; however, I cannot control the behavior of others. When an inmate is “rolled up”, he must serve 90 days here before being placed again. Presumably, the 35 % reduction of sentence time, reverts back to the 50% during this period. It is certainly enough incentive for me to obey the rules because the sooner I get to a fire camp and stay there the sooner I get to being with my family.
There are also inmates here who are ineligible for camp because of medical conditions, type of crime, length of crime, and other disciplinary reasons. I don’t know the overall percentage of inmates who are ineligible, but my guess is that at least 50 % fit into this category. With all that stated, I do not know I am fire camp eligible and hopefully my time here will be sooner than the expected six months. If it is not then so be it.
Along the lines of the overcrowding – before I departed the reception center – there was a memorandum circulated that if any inmate was interested in transferring to an out of state prison they should watch a video on the prison system and sign the attached form stating their interest. I was able to view this video out of curiosity because even though my family resides in NJ, this is not one of the states where the prisoners will be transferred. I believe the states are Indiana, Michigan, Arizona, Louisiana, Washington and Oklahoma. The CDCR is currently negotiating with these states and others. According to the video, any inmate who is interested will have the same rights as if they were housed in California. Their sentence will not be reduced and one month prior to their release date, they will be sent back to California where they will prepare for parole. There seems to be more programs available in other states for these inmates, but I fail to see how an inmate benefits by being transferred unless they have family in one of these states. Also, once and inmate commits, he will be sent to a state where the CDCR places him – not necessarily where he may want to go.
According to a news article, Governor Schwarzenegger stated that if 5000 inmates were placed out of state, it would “buy” the prison system another 10 months before they run out of space to house the prisoners. According to the same article, the California Prison System will run out of room by June 2007 and could possibly not accept any new prisoners. My opinion – it certainly appears the prison system has run out of room already since the previous statistic of 173,000 inmates are housed where there is space for 100,000 seems to prove the point. What is interesting is the very powerful Correction Officers Union which opposes the plan of sending inmates to other states. However, due to the fact that the Governor has declared a “state of emergency” in the prison system, he can apparently do what he wants to do. It will be interesting to see how many inmates volunteer to be sent out of state. No one in the reception center signed up and I have spoken with only one inmate who has. According to this person, there were seven others beside himself.
The Governor is opposed to reducing sentences for any felon which is understandable because this is an election year and having to free 40,000 plus felons may not be an astute political move. I do not have any solutions for this problem. I have to concentrate on myself and getting through the time I have left to serve as a better person - in order to never have to go through this awful process again.
I have written about the 70% Recidivism Rate in the system and judging by the fact that I am the only inmate out off 36 who is a first termer, this statistic may be rising. I did hear another prisoner speaking about how he got released earlier this year and only ONE WEEK later, he was picked up on a parole violation charge. I heard what the charge was and it seems to me this inmate likes to be incarcerated. I am not sure if any new laws or rehabilitation efforts would have helped so again I have no solution. On the flip side – when I was at the center I overheard a Correction Officer say, “How can you rehabilitate an inmate if he doesn’t want to be?” This is a very valid question, but I believe there needs to be a system available because once we as a society stop trying to help other human beings then we become something less than human. The entire process has given me such a great learning experience in sociology and hopefully, I can gain personally from this knowledge to improve myself.
I did get to make another telephone call to my wife this afternoon. She sounded much better than she did last Monday and we had a great talk even though my children were not at home. My mom was kind enough to take them along with their cousins for the weekend. This is such a wonderful thing because my wife and children are surrounded by love and things continue to work out well. Of course we ran through the allotted 15 minutes as if they were 15 seconds and the phone cut off with my wife in mid sentence. Maybe we won’t figure out the telephone system but it sure is wonderful to speak to her on a regular basis. She was kind enough to order my quarterly package which I should receive in a week or two. I will be able to have some of the comforts of home and some food I can eat. I did report I may have put on a few pounds at the reception center especially since I worked in the kitchen. However, whatever weight I have gained has definitely been lost in the last 8 days. I am working out more and eating less because I no longer work in the kitchen and the lunches don’t contain tuna fish. Five days a week it is some kind of lunchmeat and the remaining two days are peanut butter and strawberry jam.
Fortunately, I arrived here with a full jar of peanut butter and 14 soups. The jar of peanut butter is already gone and it cost me 10 soups for headphones. My neighbor was kind enough to lend me a full jar and 5 soups until I get to go to the store in 2 weeks. I am able to trade out my eggs and meat at breakfast for hot cereal. Also, I am able to trade my meat for vegetables at dinner. Since I am working out more, come breakfast I am starving. Needless to say, I am looking forward to receiving my package and being able to go to the store so I can purchase some fillers like rice and tuna fish. The one food snack I miss the most are pretzels. For some unknown reason, these are not available from the catalogue or the prison store. Yet, we can purchase pork rinds and potato chips galore! It is one more thing, I just don’t understand.
Unfortunately, it is not pleasant to wait over an hour, sometimes two, when you are hot and sweaty coming back from working out during yard. I have had to wait this long and now I know the first thing to do when I come back into the dorm from working out is to go directly into the bathroom and place my ID card on the mirror. I did this today and only had to wait 30 minutes for a shower which is quite an improvement over the other day when I had to wait two hours and twenty minutes. These are things I must live with and I have been told that the shower situation gets much better at fire camp. Most of these camps house 120 inmates in total and have dormitories to match the number of inmates. Apparently, the overcrowding hasn’t filtered down to the camps as of yet.
I think I have touched on this before, but it bears repeating. Not everywhere here at SCC gets to go to an actual camp. Also, even though an inmate goes to one, it does not mean that he can’t be sent back here. In fact, as recent as last week an entire fire camp was sent back here – commonly referred to as “rolled up”. I heard that everyone of them tested positive for drugs. One of the many positives of residing at an actual camp is the relative freedom of coming and going. The inmates are treated as adults and are expected to act that way. However, sometimes the inmates take advantage of these freedoms. I certainly do not intend to abuse the privilege of being placed into a fire camp; however, I cannot control the behavior of others. When an inmate is “rolled up”, he must serve 90 days here before being placed again. Presumably, the 35 % reduction of sentence time, reverts back to the 50% during this period. It is certainly enough incentive for me to obey the rules because the sooner I get to a fire camp and stay there the sooner I get to being with my family.
There are also inmates here who are ineligible for camp because of medical conditions, type of crime, length of crime, and other disciplinary reasons. I don’t know the overall percentage of inmates who are ineligible, but my guess is that at least 50 % fit into this category. With all that stated, I do not know I am fire camp eligible and hopefully my time here will be sooner than the expected six months. If it is not then so be it.
Along the lines of the overcrowding – before I departed the reception center – there was a memorandum circulated that if any inmate was interested in transferring to an out of state prison they should watch a video on the prison system and sign the attached form stating their interest. I was able to view this video out of curiosity because even though my family resides in NJ, this is not one of the states where the prisoners will be transferred. I believe the states are Indiana, Michigan, Arizona, Louisiana, Washington and Oklahoma. The CDCR is currently negotiating with these states and others. According to the video, any inmate who is interested will have the same rights as if they were housed in California. Their sentence will not be reduced and one month prior to their release date, they will be sent back to California where they will prepare for parole. There seems to be more programs available in other states for these inmates, but I fail to see how an inmate benefits by being transferred unless they have family in one of these states. Also, once and inmate commits, he will be sent to a state where the CDCR places him – not necessarily where he may want to go.
According to a news article, Governor Schwarzenegger stated that if 5000 inmates were placed out of state, it would “buy” the prison system another 10 months before they run out of space to house the prisoners. According to the same article, the California Prison System will run out of room by June 2007 and could possibly not accept any new prisoners. My opinion – it certainly appears the prison system has run out of room already since the previous statistic of 173,000 inmates are housed where there is space for 100,000 seems to prove the point. What is interesting is the very powerful Correction Officers Union which opposes the plan of sending inmates to other states. However, due to the fact that the Governor has declared a “state of emergency” in the prison system, he can apparently do what he wants to do. It will be interesting to see how many inmates volunteer to be sent out of state. No one in the reception center signed up and I have spoken with only one inmate who has. According to this person, there were seven others beside himself.
The Governor is opposed to reducing sentences for any felon which is understandable because this is an election year and having to free 40,000 plus felons may not be an astute political move. I do not have any solutions for this problem. I have to concentrate on myself and getting through the time I have left to serve as a better person - in order to never have to go through this awful process again.
I have written about the 70% Recidivism Rate in the system and judging by the fact that I am the only inmate out off 36 who is a first termer, this statistic may be rising. I did hear another prisoner speaking about how he got released earlier this year and only ONE WEEK later, he was picked up on a parole violation charge. I heard what the charge was and it seems to me this inmate likes to be incarcerated. I am not sure if any new laws or rehabilitation efforts would have helped so again I have no solution. On the flip side – when I was at the center I overheard a Correction Officer say, “How can you rehabilitate an inmate if he doesn’t want to be?” This is a very valid question, but I believe there needs to be a system available because once we as a society stop trying to help other human beings then we become something less than human. The entire process has given me such a great learning experience in sociology and hopefully, I can gain personally from this knowledge to improve myself.
I did get to make another telephone call to my wife this afternoon. She sounded much better than she did last Monday and we had a great talk even though my children were not at home. My mom was kind enough to take them along with their cousins for the weekend. This is such a wonderful thing because my wife and children are surrounded by love and things continue to work out well. Of course we ran through the allotted 15 minutes as if they were 15 seconds and the phone cut off with my wife in mid sentence. Maybe we won’t figure out the telephone system but it sure is wonderful to speak to her on a regular basis. She was kind enough to order my quarterly package which I should receive in a week or two. I will be able to have some of the comforts of home and some food I can eat. I did report I may have put on a few pounds at the reception center especially since I worked in the kitchen. However, whatever weight I have gained has definitely been lost in the last 8 days. I am working out more and eating less because I no longer work in the kitchen and the lunches don’t contain tuna fish. Five days a week it is some kind of lunchmeat and the remaining two days are peanut butter and strawberry jam.
Fortunately, I arrived here with a full jar of peanut butter and 14 soups. The jar of peanut butter is already gone and it cost me 10 soups for headphones. My neighbor was kind enough to lend me a full jar and 5 soups until I get to go to the store in 2 weeks. I am able to trade out my eggs and meat at breakfast for hot cereal. Also, I am able to trade my meat for vegetables at dinner. Since I am working out more, come breakfast I am starving. Needless to say, I am looking forward to receiving my package and being able to go to the store so I can purchase some fillers like rice and tuna fish. The one food snack I miss the most are pretzels. For some unknown reason, these are not available from the catalogue or the prison store. Yet, we can purchase pork rinds and potato chips galore! It is one more thing, I just don’t understand.
Friday, October 27, 2006
One Week Already
Much to my surprise, I did not receive a ducat (pronounced duck-it) last night to reschedule my medical appointment. As a result, there was no conflict with the physical training instructor’s exam this morning. What a difference two days makes and I was able to complete the exam much better than I did on Wednesday. In fact, when the exam was over I was ready for more. I improved 100% over Wednesday’s exam and was quite pleased (somewhat) with myself. I did struggle with my form on the mountain climbers and because of this I need to retest next week.
There were three of us again taking the exam and somehow over the past day the one remaining position has been filled. I am not sure how this happened because there weren’t any exams yesterday and this morning was the first one since Wednesday afternoon. I do understand there is a great deal of “Who you know” here in prison. It appears many things get done with this concept. I t didn’t matter to me whether or not this position was filled; I needed to prove to myself that I could pass the exam. Although I did not technically pass, I was happy with the performance. Now I know how to perform the mountain climbers properly and I fully expect to pass next week. In fact I wanted to take it this afternoon, but I was unable to get outside because it was not our time for yard. The CO unlocks the dorm door at 15 minutes to the hour in order for anyone who may work or has a ducat to get outside. I could have told him I was testing for the instructor position but I thought he would come back and open the door when yard opened; however, he did not. The CO only opened the door earlier than the 15 minutes to the hour for a fellow dorm mate’s ducat to see his counselor. So, I couldn’t get outside. This doesn’t matter because now I know what I need to do in order to pass and I will practice this all next week.
None of the three of us passed the exam because, I believe, the instructors grading were more critical due to all the positions being taken. If actually when I do pass the exam, I will be put on a waiting list and when the next instructor leaves, I can take over. I was told that the instructors leave all the time and in the next few weeks, they are losing two. Of course, I am concerned with the timing of becoming an instructor since I have to give a four month commitment. Whether I am an instructor or not I want to get to an actual fire camp sooner as opposed to later. For every month that I am here, I lose 10 days to my new release date. I could be here for six months which means I would lose two months to my new release date. Instead of being released in December 2007, I would be released in February 2008. I do understand in all likelihood, I will be here at least six months before going to an actual fire camp. It will be nice if I could be an instructor during this period and have the opportunity to pick my own camp. I spoke with the head instructor who told me that I did not have to give him a four month commitment in order to become an instructor. I could become one without the commitment and if I did get transferred prior to the four months, then I couldn’t choose a fire camp.
Certainly, I would like to select the one which is located 45 minutes from where I used to live in Southern California. However, my first priority is getting back to my family as soon as possible. In actuality, ten days per month is not that much time to give up; however, any day sooner IS a big deal to me! Who know if any of this will come to fruition, but it is very hopeful to have these possibilities. Not for nothing, but I do know I can pass the regular physical training exam which is a very big step in order to get to my next destination.
It seems my entire prison journey has been all about getting to the next destination with the end goal of being back with my family. I do like to look at it this way because it does provide a trail and also displays that each step with the exception of the last one is temporary. With that in mind, it is hard to believe that it has been exactly one week since I was transferred from the reception center. This has gone by very quickly even without a solid routine to follow. The entire week has been an ongoing learning experience just as the entire journey has been. Presumably, I will continue to learn each day and somewhere in the not so distant future I will have a solid routine to follow. I do have somewhat of a schedule preparing for the Instructor’s Exam. I would like to get outside each morning when it is not my yard time. I won’t be breaking any rules and it will only be temporary until I can start in instructor position. I must be patient and if I cannot get out in the morning, I will perform the workout in the afternoon.
One of the many drawbacks of the overcrowding of the prison system is the inability to have morning and afternoon yard each and everyday. Not so long ago – 5 years to be exact – there weren’t nearly as many inmates here at SCC (I do like that name) and they were able to enjoy both morning and afternoon yards. This is neither the case now nor the case for the time that I am incarcerated. Yet another one of the many items I do accept because it is completely out of my control. I will make do with the correct circumstances and will get through this very temporary situation.
I am very happy to report that I have received my first piece of mail here. It was sent to my previous address at the reception center and was actually forwarded. The postmark on the letter was October 17th and was from my dear sponsor. He sends some wonderful letters which provide me with great reading material for several days. In fact, some of the reading material I will use throughout my entire time in the prison system. He is another cornerstone of my recovery and I so blessed to have him in my life. I do know that no matter where either one of us may reside in the future; I have made a dear friend for life. Receiving this piece of mail just like receiving all the other mail makes my days brighter! I have so many fabulous people in my life and I am forever grateful.
There were three of us again taking the exam and somehow over the past day the one remaining position has been filled. I am not sure how this happened because there weren’t any exams yesterday and this morning was the first one since Wednesday afternoon. I do understand there is a great deal of “Who you know” here in prison. It appears many things get done with this concept. I t didn’t matter to me whether or not this position was filled; I needed to prove to myself that I could pass the exam. Although I did not technically pass, I was happy with the performance. Now I know how to perform the mountain climbers properly and I fully expect to pass next week. In fact I wanted to take it this afternoon, but I was unable to get outside because it was not our time for yard. The CO unlocks the dorm door at 15 minutes to the hour in order for anyone who may work or has a ducat to get outside. I could have told him I was testing for the instructor position but I thought he would come back and open the door when yard opened; however, he did not. The CO only opened the door earlier than the 15 minutes to the hour for a fellow dorm mate’s ducat to see his counselor. So, I couldn’t get outside. This doesn’t matter because now I know what I need to do in order to pass and I will practice this all next week.
None of the three of us passed the exam because, I believe, the instructors grading were more critical due to all the positions being taken. If actually when I do pass the exam, I will be put on a waiting list and when the next instructor leaves, I can take over. I was told that the instructors leave all the time and in the next few weeks, they are losing two. Of course, I am concerned with the timing of becoming an instructor since I have to give a four month commitment. Whether I am an instructor or not I want to get to an actual fire camp sooner as opposed to later. For every month that I am here, I lose 10 days to my new release date. I could be here for six months which means I would lose two months to my new release date. Instead of being released in December 2007, I would be released in February 2008. I do understand in all likelihood, I will be here at least six months before going to an actual fire camp. It will be nice if I could be an instructor during this period and have the opportunity to pick my own camp. I spoke with the head instructor who told me that I did not have to give him a four month commitment in order to become an instructor. I could become one without the commitment and if I did get transferred prior to the four months, then I couldn’t choose a fire camp.
Certainly, I would like to select the one which is located 45 minutes from where I used to live in Southern California. However, my first priority is getting back to my family as soon as possible. In actuality, ten days per month is not that much time to give up; however, any day sooner IS a big deal to me! Who know if any of this will come to fruition, but it is very hopeful to have these possibilities. Not for nothing, but I do know I can pass the regular physical training exam which is a very big step in order to get to my next destination.
It seems my entire prison journey has been all about getting to the next destination with the end goal of being back with my family. I do like to look at it this way because it does provide a trail and also displays that each step with the exception of the last one is temporary. With that in mind, it is hard to believe that it has been exactly one week since I was transferred from the reception center. This has gone by very quickly even without a solid routine to follow. The entire week has been an ongoing learning experience just as the entire journey has been. Presumably, I will continue to learn each day and somewhere in the not so distant future I will have a solid routine to follow. I do have somewhat of a schedule preparing for the Instructor’s Exam. I would like to get outside each morning when it is not my yard time. I won’t be breaking any rules and it will only be temporary until I can start in instructor position. I must be patient and if I cannot get out in the morning, I will perform the workout in the afternoon.
One of the many drawbacks of the overcrowding of the prison system is the inability to have morning and afternoon yard each and everyday. Not so long ago – 5 years to be exact – there weren’t nearly as many inmates here at SCC (I do like that name) and they were able to enjoy both morning and afternoon yards. This is neither the case now nor the case for the time that I am incarcerated. Yet another one of the many items I do accept because it is completely out of my control. I will make do with the correct circumstances and will get through this very temporary situation.
I am very happy to report that I have received my first piece of mail here. It was sent to my previous address at the reception center and was actually forwarded. The postmark on the letter was October 17th and was from my dear sponsor. He sends some wonderful letters which provide me with great reading material for several days. In fact, some of the reading material I will use throughout my entire time in the prison system. He is another cornerstone of my recovery and I so blessed to have him in my life. I do know that no matter where either one of us may reside in the future; I have made a dear friend for life. Receiving this piece of mail just like receiving all the other mail makes my days brighter! I have so many fabulous people in my life and I am forever grateful.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Rules
Rules are plentiful in prison which is a very good thing! There are rules for the inmates by the prison system enforced by the correction officers. There are also rules by the inmates enforced by the inmates. I have touched on some on some of these in previous postings and I believe I will touch on these again in the future. The toughest part about both types of rules is the absence of a rulebook. The rules are passed down through the practice and thankfully first time inmates get more latitude from both the correction officers and fellow inmates. Last night I ran afoul of one of these rules for the inmates enforced by the CO’s, and I certainly didn’t intend to break any kind of rule.
As I ventured outside for the night version of the yard, I was ordered back by one of the CO’s. I had been able to participate in night yard on Monday where I scheduled a 7:45 pm telephone call in order to speak with my wife. However, as soon as I stepped outside I was ordered back to the dorm. Apparently, one of the rules precludes me from participating in night yard until I meet with my counselor at classification. Yes, I was allowed to participate on Monday night but not tonight. The enforcement of the rule is at the digression of the CO and he told me I was ineligible to participate.
The frustrating part about all this was having my wife wait for me to phone her and I was unable to tell her I couldn’t call. I suspect there will be more times in the future to make the scheduled call time. There will be a variety of reasons such as having the yard on lockdown. I’ve been told this could last up to a month. I sure hope this doesn’t happen while I am here but this is yet again another example of the plethora of items that are beyond my control.
I was very disappointed to not be able to get outside so I could call my wife. I also had a letter which I was going to mail and the only way to do that is through the mailboxes outside on the yard. I was fortunate enough to have a fellow dorm mate drop the letter in the box for me. I was very comfortable with giving another inmate an unsealed envelope (another one of the rules) but my choices were limited since I needed to send it out tonight, otherwise the letter would not have been sent out until Monday. The mail process is much the same as the Reception Center. Mail is delivered Monday thru Friday and sent out Monday thru Thursday. The only difference here is that the mailboxes are located outside on the yard and not in the dorm.
Getting back to my disappointment of not making the phone call – I did have another call scheduled for this afternoon so I could finally speak with my children. (Here comes another adjustment) As I was watching TV with the other inmates, in walked the CO with ducats which is a request sent by a specific department re medical classification, education, or any other department within the prison to an inmate for the purpose of an appointment. One of the ducats was directed to me and it was from the medical department. No need to be alarmed because this is standard operating procedure for all incoming inmates and is certainly a prerequisite for fire camp. The date of the ducat was today and the time was the exact time I had schedules for the phone call to my children. Geez! I can’t seem to get a break!
I was happy to receive this ducat because it means the process was well on its way. Of course, I was extremely disappointed because it meant I couldn’t speak with my children. Adjustments and being flexible are the key – for me – in a place like this. As I was walking out this morning, in order to prepare for the instructor’s exam tomorrow, I saw an inmate who I had been introduced to a few days ago and he is from the same town where I used to live. This inmate has been here a few years and has a great deal of “local knowledge.” I decided to ask him about my double booking dilemma – the telephone call and medical app’t. He told me since the medical office is outside the gate and the CO’s only unlock this gate at 15 minutes to the hour that I should make my call for the allotted 15 minutes and when it was over the gate should be opened so I could make the app’t. I thought this was sound advice, but I was a little hesitant because I am one of those people who hate to be late for anything. The overriding factor was the need to hear the voices of my children.
I finished my fairly strenuous workout this morning which I prefer over afternoon workouts. I have always been a morning person and have always enjoyed working out first thing in the morning. This is one of the positives of becoming an instructor for the physical training class because the first one starts at 7:00 am. I am not so sure how I will do on this test tomorrow because I am not ready. I need at least one more week – possibly two – of working out with these new exercises. I will give it my best shot and whatever happens will happen. It is very ironic because as I finished that last sentence one of my dorm mates came over and asked me how my workout went today. (Before I get to that, it is also interesting that no matter where I seem to be house I find one person I seem to click with and that person was the one to ask me that question) I told him about it and some of my concerns. He gave me some very good advice. He said I am in good shape and I shouldn’t stress on the exercises. He went on to say 70% of that exam is mental and I should be able to get through it. He is correct. I have been doubting myself with so many excuses. The fact of the matter is I am in good shape and mentally I have to believe this. With this newfound advice, I am interested to see how it goes tomorrow morning.
When we have afternoon yard, I have been making it a point to schedule my telephone call. The selections are made at 1:00 pm and the inmate must be present to reserve a time slot. This should not have been a problem since my call was scheduled for 1:30 and the drawing process only takes 10 minutes. However, today the CO responsible for this was delayed and he didn’t get to the process until 1:25. I had to get on the phone by 1:30 in order to get to my medical app’t by 1:45. I waited anxiously and my name was called at 1:29, but there were 10 other inmates in front of me selecting their phone time. A few minutes later, I finally selected the time and as I walked to the telephone at 1:35, I noticed two CO’s standing near the OPEN gate where I had to go for the app’t. Once I saw this, I knew I couldn’t speak long to my wife and children. I dialed, heard her lovely voice, and told her I needed to hurry. I did have time to hear both my children’s voices for a few seconds. My five year old son sounds the same as he did 2 ½ months ago, but my 8 year old daughter sounded like she got older. It is amazing what a few short months can do in the life of a child. Boy, I do miss them terribly. It was so good to hear their voices even though it was very brief. We were only on the phone for a few minutes when I told my wife I would call her on Saturday afternoon. I hung up and hurried over to the open gate where the CO’s were standing. As I approached, they told me to come back in 20 minutes because they were changing shifts!
I was a bit exasperated, but the only thing I could do was accept their response. I went back to the telephone and called my wife again. We talked for a few minutes when the call was cut off without warning 15 minutes to the second. Again there were no “Good-byes” or “I love you”, just a disconnect sound. At the very least we did speak more and hopefully things will go smoother on Saturday.
I finally got to my medical appointment 30 minutes late. When I got into the clinic and the nurse called my name tight away which was quite surprising. She administered an eye exam which I think I passed, but she didn’t tell me. I went and sat down after the eye exam to hear the CO call/butcher my name. I went up to him and he told me that I was being rescheduled due to the fact all the doctors went to an unexpected meeting and he didn’t know when they would return. Oh well, so goes prison life. Who knows what would have happened if I arrived on time? I suspect I would have been rescheduled as well because I saw another inmate who had an appointment an hour earlier and he also had to be rescheduled. Hopefully, this won’t slow down the process and I do receive a ducat tonight for tomorrow which I am sure will conflict with my instructor’s exam! As always, I will keep everyone posted . This may seem mundane but in all honesty, these things make my days go by faster. At the very least, it makes me very flexible.
As I ventured outside for the night version of the yard, I was ordered back by one of the CO’s. I had been able to participate in night yard on Monday where I scheduled a 7:45 pm telephone call in order to speak with my wife. However, as soon as I stepped outside I was ordered back to the dorm. Apparently, one of the rules precludes me from participating in night yard until I meet with my counselor at classification. Yes, I was allowed to participate on Monday night but not tonight. The enforcement of the rule is at the digression of the CO and he told me I was ineligible to participate.
The frustrating part about all this was having my wife wait for me to phone her and I was unable to tell her I couldn’t call. I suspect there will be more times in the future to make the scheduled call time. There will be a variety of reasons such as having the yard on lockdown. I’ve been told this could last up to a month. I sure hope this doesn’t happen while I am here but this is yet again another example of the plethora of items that are beyond my control.
I was very disappointed to not be able to get outside so I could call my wife. I also had a letter which I was going to mail and the only way to do that is through the mailboxes outside on the yard. I was fortunate enough to have a fellow dorm mate drop the letter in the box for me. I was very comfortable with giving another inmate an unsealed envelope (another one of the rules) but my choices were limited since I needed to send it out tonight, otherwise the letter would not have been sent out until Monday. The mail process is much the same as the Reception Center. Mail is delivered Monday thru Friday and sent out Monday thru Thursday. The only difference here is that the mailboxes are located outside on the yard and not in the dorm.
Getting back to my disappointment of not making the phone call – I did have another call scheduled for this afternoon so I could finally speak with my children. (Here comes another adjustment) As I was watching TV with the other inmates, in walked the CO with ducats which is a request sent by a specific department re medical classification, education, or any other department within the prison to an inmate for the purpose of an appointment. One of the ducats was directed to me and it was from the medical department. No need to be alarmed because this is standard operating procedure for all incoming inmates and is certainly a prerequisite for fire camp. The date of the ducat was today and the time was the exact time I had schedules for the phone call to my children. Geez! I can’t seem to get a break!
I was happy to receive this ducat because it means the process was well on its way. Of course, I was extremely disappointed because it meant I couldn’t speak with my children. Adjustments and being flexible are the key – for me – in a place like this. As I was walking out this morning, in order to prepare for the instructor’s exam tomorrow, I saw an inmate who I had been introduced to a few days ago and he is from the same town where I used to live. This inmate has been here a few years and has a great deal of “local knowledge.” I decided to ask him about my double booking dilemma – the telephone call and medical app’t. He told me since the medical office is outside the gate and the CO’s only unlock this gate at 15 minutes to the hour that I should make my call for the allotted 15 minutes and when it was over the gate should be opened so I could make the app’t. I thought this was sound advice, but I was a little hesitant because I am one of those people who hate to be late for anything. The overriding factor was the need to hear the voices of my children.
I finished my fairly strenuous workout this morning which I prefer over afternoon workouts. I have always been a morning person and have always enjoyed working out first thing in the morning. This is one of the positives of becoming an instructor for the physical training class because the first one starts at 7:00 am. I am not so sure how I will do on this test tomorrow because I am not ready. I need at least one more week – possibly two – of working out with these new exercises. I will give it my best shot and whatever happens will happen. It is very ironic because as I finished that last sentence one of my dorm mates came over and asked me how my workout went today. (Before I get to that, it is also interesting that no matter where I seem to be house I find one person I seem to click with and that person was the one to ask me that question) I told him about it and some of my concerns. He gave me some very good advice. He said I am in good shape and I shouldn’t stress on the exercises. He went on to say 70% of that exam is mental and I should be able to get through it. He is correct. I have been doubting myself with so many excuses. The fact of the matter is I am in good shape and mentally I have to believe this. With this newfound advice, I am interested to see how it goes tomorrow morning.
When we have afternoon yard, I have been making it a point to schedule my telephone call. The selections are made at 1:00 pm and the inmate must be present to reserve a time slot. This should not have been a problem since my call was scheduled for 1:30 and the drawing process only takes 10 minutes. However, today the CO responsible for this was delayed and he didn’t get to the process until 1:25. I had to get on the phone by 1:30 in order to get to my medical app’t by 1:45. I waited anxiously and my name was called at 1:29, but there were 10 other inmates in front of me selecting their phone time. A few minutes later, I finally selected the time and as I walked to the telephone at 1:35, I noticed two CO’s standing near the OPEN gate where I had to go for the app’t. Once I saw this, I knew I couldn’t speak long to my wife and children. I dialed, heard her lovely voice, and told her I needed to hurry. I did have time to hear both my children’s voices for a few seconds. My five year old son sounds the same as he did 2 ½ months ago, but my 8 year old daughter sounded like she got older. It is amazing what a few short months can do in the life of a child. Boy, I do miss them terribly. It was so good to hear their voices even though it was very brief. We were only on the phone for a few minutes when I told my wife I would call her on Saturday afternoon. I hung up and hurried over to the open gate where the CO’s were standing. As I approached, they told me to come back in 20 minutes because they were changing shifts!
I was a bit exasperated, but the only thing I could do was accept their response. I went back to the telephone and called my wife again. We talked for a few minutes when the call was cut off without warning 15 minutes to the second. Again there were no “Good-byes” or “I love you”, just a disconnect sound. At the very least we did speak more and hopefully things will go smoother on Saturday.
I finally got to my medical appointment 30 minutes late. When I got into the clinic and the nurse called my name tight away which was quite surprising. She administered an eye exam which I think I passed, but she didn’t tell me. I went and sat down after the eye exam to hear the CO call/butcher my name. I went up to him and he told me that I was being rescheduled due to the fact all the doctors went to an unexpected meeting and he didn’t know when they would return. Oh well, so goes prison life. Who knows what would have happened if I arrived on time? I suspect I would have been rescheduled as well because I saw another inmate who had an appointment an hour earlier and he also had to be rescheduled. Hopefully, this won’t slow down the process and I do receive a ducat tonight for tomorrow which I am sure will conflict with my instructor’s exam! As always, I will keep everyone posted . This may seem mundane but in all honesty, these things make my days go by faster. At the very least, it makes me very flexible.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Good Shape
Yesterday evening I had the privilege of making my one telephone call for the day. Yes, it is a privilege because not every inmate has the opportunity to make a call each day for a variety of reasons. I called my mother since I haven’t spoken to her in over 2 months. The last time I talked with her was when I was in the Riverside County Jail anxiously awaiting my transfer to the reception center. To say I was not in the best of spirits would be a great understatement and to say I was beside myself would be accurate. The date was August 10th and if anyone is interested, you can review those paranoid postings during that period. I was in much better spirits this time when I spoke with my mother. Time has gone by and will continue to pass and I have learned from those earlier experiences. I am no longer paranoid or anxious. I have a little less than 21 months (officially) left to serve on my sentence and once I do get to fire camp it will be less than that. Whatever period of time I have left I will serve my sentence without angst and paranoia. There are only a very few things in my control and I have the power to work with these. Whereas there is so much out of my control and I do accept that I don’t have the power to control these things.
The telephone call with my mom went by just as fast as it did on Monday with my wife. Fifteen minutes is not nearly enough time to catch up on 2 ½ months; however, this is the rule and I do accept it. Just like with my wife, the call cut-off right at the 15 minute point and I didn’t have the chance to say good-bye. It truly is amazing how fast these minutes go and if I could bottle this and apply it to the rest of my day I will be back with my family in a heartbeat! I do understand that 15 minutes takes 15 minutes, no matter if I were standing still doing nothing; yet, it sure seems to go by so very quickly when I am speaking with my loved ones. It was wonderful to hear my mother’s voice and to answer her questions. Unfortunately, we did not have enough time for me to ask her any questions, but hopefully, we will get to that as time goes by. As the call cut-off and I walked away from the telephone, I felt much better knowing I can now actually have the opportunity to speak with my family. I feel as if I have come out of quarantine and the light at the end of the tunnel is growing even brighter.
I was able to obtain some books from a fellow dorm mate and have started to read again. My eyes aren’t what they used to be and it seems ever since I had lasik surgery, I need to strain to read. My nearsightedness was corrected but my farsightedness has gotten progressively worse. I think it’s my age. I am on the lower bunk –which is a good thing – but the lighting in the dorm at night is horrible. There are 20 fluorescent tube lights (10 on each side of the dorm) and only 7 work; the other 13 are burnt out. Being on the bottom bunk has one downside which is the lighting is virtually non-existent, but sleeping is easier because of this. I would like to read a few hours at night because “quiet time” doesn’t begin until 11:00 pm and many of my fellow dorm mates play their radios until this time. After 11:00 everyone is very respectful of this rule which is a very good thing. The book I started reading is about Edgar Cayce and is called Edgar Cayce, The Sleeping Prophet by Jess Stearn. For those of you don’t know who he is, send an e-mail to my mom and she will be happy to share her knowledge. It is an older book –1967 – but because of my mother’s somewhat “obsession” with Cayce, I have always been interested in him and his life. This book outlines his life and prophecies. A funny aside - the price on the paperback is 95 cents. Good God, we can’t even get a cup of coffee for that price!
This morning I went to find out more about the Physical Training Instructor. I spoke with one of the inmate instructors and the man who is in charge of the overall training who they call “coach”. As I was speaking with them, I learned there are two openings and all I would have to do is pass the instructor’s physical exam. I also learned that the next test was this afternoon – gee, talk about timing! I wanted to find out more about the exam since I really did not know anything about it. Apparently, the exam is a full blown version of the class which is given everyday. I haven’t taken the class because I just found out about it earlier this week so I was going into the exam somewhat blind. I knew I could handle the running of the mile in less than 9 minutes, but I wasn’t too sure about all the following exercises since I had not performed them.
After finding out about this, I decided to watch the training class this morning. It was very good but nowhere near as intensive as the instructor’s exam was described. When the class was over it was time to return to the dorm and I decided to rest for the next hour and to hydrate myself for the test. I don’t like to eat before I run so I didn’t have any lunch. I tried to visualize the exam but I was having difficulty because I was unaware of the proper techniques for the “burbees” – thrusts without the push-ups – and the mountain climbers – hands forward, feet back, step 6 inches on the balls of your feet for a count of 3 with 80 repetitions. I did have an uneasy feeling going into the exam and it felt like my first marathon all over again. (which by the way did not turn out so well, but I did finish) I tried to flush the negative and focus on the positive. I was also focusing on the fact that the “coach” told me hardly anyone passes on their first try and most people take 3 and 4 times before passing. I decided to treat this as a practice run and if I pass – great!
I do believe I am still in good shape despite having has to alter my workout routine over these past three plus months. I can still run long distance without a problem; however, I am not as fast nor do I have good short term stamina. All of my training is done with what are called negatives. For example, if I run my first mile in 7 minutes and 30 seconds, I will run my last mile in less than this time. When I do push-ups, I do more repetitions at the end of the workout as opposed to the beginning. This exam was the direct opposite of my training routine which shouldn’t be a problem, it was just a different mind set.
It was time for the exam. There were three of us testing for two positions and to pass, all the exercises must be performed perfectly. We set out on the mile run first which was no problem; it even felt a little slow. Directly after the run, it was time for the “burbee” in a set of 40. These were unlike anything I have done in the past and were performed very quickly. Then it was time for the mountain climbers in a set of 80. I struggled with my form and my feet kept missing the proper (c???) but I ventured on. Right after this was a set of 40 pushups, followed by a set of 40 sit-ups, followed by a set of 40 jumping jacks. Then it went to a set of 35 for each of these exercises and then 30. By the time I got to the 30 repetition sets, my breathing was a little too heavy and I decided to take myself out. However, after a brief 3-minute rest, I jumped back in and finished the exam. Out of the three of us, only one person passed and he is 25 years old and had been training for the past two months. This was his third time taking the test. There is one spot left for an instructor. The coach told me he liked my attitude and would give a re-test on this Friday morning for the other inmate and myself and anyone else who wanted to try. I was neither discouraged nor disappointed. It was yet another learning experience and I will give it a try again on Friday. I would have liked to have another week but the coach needs another instructor sooner as opposed to later. Tomorrow I will up my workout routine to include all these new exercises. After I finished the exam, I ran four miles and did several sets of these exercises. I just have to control my breathing better. After I finished the additional four miles I felt much better than I did when I took the exam. I will give it my best shot on Friday and if I don’t make it, then that is fine. I can continue to take the exam as often as it is given. Even if they do fill that spot, once I pass I will be placed on a waiting list. Once one of the instructors leaves I can step in.
The sooner I get in the better because one of the requirements of the instructor is to give a four month commitment here at SCC. From all the information I have been given, it takes 3 to 7 months to get into a fire camp. In all likelihood whether I get the instructor job or not I will be here at least four months. Another benefit of being an instructor is it is a paid job with benefits. It goes from Monday to Friday from 7:00 am to 2:30 pm. The benefits consist of working out all the time (which is great by me) and when it comes time to go to a fire camp, the instructor can pick the one he wants. I do know where I would like to go so if this works out it would be great! Everything does happen for a reason and I know I am giving it my best effort.
Happy 20th Anniversary to my sister and brother-in-law. Wow, 20 years since Bill Bucker booted the ball!! Hope you had a great day!
The telephone call with my mom went by just as fast as it did on Monday with my wife. Fifteen minutes is not nearly enough time to catch up on 2 ½ months; however, this is the rule and I do accept it. Just like with my wife, the call cut-off right at the 15 minute point and I didn’t have the chance to say good-bye. It truly is amazing how fast these minutes go and if I could bottle this and apply it to the rest of my day I will be back with my family in a heartbeat! I do understand that 15 minutes takes 15 minutes, no matter if I were standing still doing nothing; yet, it sure seems to go by so very quickly when I am speaking with my loved ones. It was wonderful to hear my mother’s voice and to answer her questions. Unfortunately, we did not have enough time for me to ask her any questions, but hopefully, we will get to that as time goes by. As the call cut-off and I walked away from the telephone, I felt much better knowing I can now actually have the opportunity to speak with my family. I feel as if I have come out of quarantine and the light at the end of the tunnel is growing even brighter.
I was able to obtain some books from a fellow dorm mate and have started to read again. My eyes aren’t what they used to be and it seems ever since I had lasik surgery, I need to strain to read. My nearsightedness was corrected but my farsightedness has gotten progressively worse. I think it’s my age. I am on the lower bunk –which is a good thing – but the lighting in the dorm at night is horrible. There are 20 fluorescent tube lights (10 on each side of the dorm) and only 7 work; the other 13 are burnt out. Being on the bottom bunk has one downside which is the lighting is virtually non-existent, but sleeping is easier because of this. I would like to read a few hours at night because “quiet time” doesn’t begin until 11:00 pm and many of my fellow dorm mates play their radios until this time. After 11:00 everyone is very respectful of this rule which is a very good thing. The book I started reading is about Edgar Cayce and is called Edgar Cayce, The Sleeping Prophet by Jess Stearn. For those of you don’t know who he is, send an e-mail to my mom and she will be happy to share her knowledge. It is an older book –1967 – but because of my mother’s somewhat “obsession” with Cayce, I have always been interested in him and his life. This book outlines his life and prophecies. A funny aside - the price on the paperback is 95 cents. Good God, we can’t even get a cup of coffee for that price!
This morning I went to find out more about the Physical Training Instructor. I spoke with one of the inmate instructors and the man who is in charge of the overall training who they call “coach”. As I was speaking with them, I learned there are two openings and all I would have to do is pass the instructor’s physical exam. I also learned that the next test was this afternoon – gee, talk about timing! I wanted to find out more about the exam since I really did not know anything about it. Apparently, the exam is a full blown version of the class which is given everyday. I haven’t taken the class because I just found out about it earlier this week so I was going into the exam somewhat blind. I knew I could handle the running of the mile in less than 9 minutes, but I wasn’t too sure about all the following exercises since I had not performed them.
After finding out about this, I decided to watch the training class this morning. It was very good but nowhere near as intensive as the instructor’s exam was described. When the class was over it was time to return to the dorm and I decided to rest for the next hour and to hydrate myself for the test. I don’t like to eat before I run so I didn’t have any lunch. I tried to visualize the exam but I was having difficulty because I was unaware of the proper techniques for the “burbees” – thrusts without the push-ups – and the mountain climbers – hands forward, feet back, step 6 inches on the balls of your feet for a count of 3 with 80 repetitions. I did have an uneasy feeling going into the exam and it felt like my first marathon all over again. (which by the way did not turn out so well, but I did finish) I tried to flush the negative and focus on the positive. I was also focusing on the fact that the “coach” told me hardly anyone passes on their first try and most people take 3 and 4 times before passing. I decided to treat this as a practice run and if I pass – great!
I do believe I am still in good shape despite having has to alter my workout routine over these past three plus months. I can still run long distance without a problem; however, I am not as fast nor do I have good short term stamina. All of my training is done with what are called negatives. For example, if I run my first mile in 7 minutes and 30 seconds, I will run my last mile in less than this time. When I do push-ups, I do more repetitions at the end of the workout as opposed to the beginning. This exam was the direct opposite of my training routine which shouldn’t be a problem, it was just a different mind set.
It was time for the exam. There were three of us testing for two positions and to pass, all the exercises must be performed perfectly. We set out on the mile run first which was no problem; it even felt a little slow. Directly after the run, it was time for the “burbee” in a set of 40. These were unlike anything I have done in the past and were performed very quickly. Then it was time for the mountain climbers in a set of 80. I struggled with my form and my feet kept missing the proper (c???) but I ventured on. Right after this was a set of 40 pushups, followed by a set of 40 sit-ups, followed by a set of 40 jumping jacks. Then it went to a set of 35 for each of these exercises and then 30. By the time I got to the 30 repetition sets, my breathing was a little too heavy and I decided to take myself out. However, after a brief 3-minute rest, I jumped back in and finished the exam. Out of the three of us, only one person passed and he is 25 years old and had been training for the past two months. This was his third time taking the test. There is one spot left for an instructor. The coach told me he liked my attitude and would give a re-test on this Friday morning for the other inmate and myself and anyone else who wanted to try. I was neither discouraged nor disappointed. It was yet another learning experience and I will give it a try again on Friday. I would have liked to have another week but the coach needs another instructor sooner as opposed to later. Tomorrow I will up my workout routine to include all these new exercises. After I finished the exam, I ran four miles and did several sets of these exercises. I just have to control my breathing better. After I finished the additional four miles I felt much better than I did when I took the exam. I will give it my best shot on Friday and if I don’t make it, then that is fine. I can continue to take the exam as often as it is given. Even if they do fill that spot, once I pass I will be placed on a waiting list. Once one of the instructors leaves I can step in.
The sooner I get in the better because one of the requirements of the instructor is to give a four month commitment here at SCC. From all the information I have been given, it takes 3 to 7 months to get into a fire camp. In all likelihood whether I get the instructor job or not I will be here at least four months. Another benefit of being an instructor is it is a paid job with benefits. It goes from Monday to Friday from 7:00 am to 2:30 pm. The benefits consist of working out all the time (which is great by me) and when it comes time to go to a fire camp, the instructor can pick the one he wants. I do know where I would like to go so if this works out it would be great! Everything does happen for a reason and I know I am giving it my best effort.
Happy 20th Anniversary to my sister and brother-in-law. Wow, 20 years since Bill Bucker booted the ball!! Hope you had a great day!
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Possibilities
It is interesting how things around my new environment continue to evolve. Last night I went outside for the evening yard for only one reason - to sign up to use the telephone on Wednesday. This afternoon I have a call reserved so I can finally speak with my mother. Later today I will again sign up so I can call my wife and children on Thursday afternoon. Having a three hour time difference actually works out better because three hours earlier here makes it easier to telephone the east coast. It would be more difficult if the reverse was true. I did obtain a 7:45 pm time on Wednesday so I can call my wife.
As I was waiting for the telephone assignments, I was speaking to a few of the inmates who came with me on the bus from the reception center last Friday. One of the positives with coming with a large group – 22 in all – and mostly of the same race (which in prison is a built in common bond) is that I get to see familiar faces. As I spoke with these inmates, they introduced me to other fellow inmates from their dorm and other inmates who they knew. Me being me, I do venture out into the yard without anyone from my dorm. I do like to do my own thing when I exercise or when I am just roaming around so I didn’t have anyone to introduce them to. As it turns out, there are many fascinating stories from these inmates and it does help to pass the time much quicker listening to them.
One particular story came from an inmate who is in his early 40’s and has a drug addiction. He comes from a very wealthy family – at least he claims to but when he mentioned some names, I instantly recognized them. He could be fabricating his background, but I like to believe what people are saying to me is the truth or close to it. He has been in and out of recovery 8 different times. Obviously, he has been in trouble with the law and this is not the first time he has been to prison. We were talking first about my running ability which someone from the reception center mentioned to him. Then we moved to the “Gee, you don’t look like you belong here,” statement. I explained my gambling addiction and as we were discussing this, the inmate told me about a very close family member who died from compulsive gambling. Yes, you read that correctly. It wasn’t a suicide, but this family member gambled so heavily for over 30 years he neglected his health even when he was diagnosed with cancer. He continued to gamble and as the GA Combo states: compulsive gambling will lead to prison, insanity, or death (in some cases all three). This person died at a blackjack table in Las Vegas!
As I was listening to this story, I thought about how fortunate I have become in my recovery. Yes, it took me three times to finally understand the depth of my compulsive gambling and yes, I am in a not so good place for almost the next two years; however, I do know what it takes to recover from my illness. Not only do I know, but I am doing what it takes. Knowing and doing are two different concepts. I can say, “I know I have a problem with compulsive gambling” yet if I don’t do anything about it I am doomed to repeat my past mistakes. However, if I get up off my ass (pardon the language) and do something about it each and everyday, I will recover and have a positive life.
After listening for awhile, I asked the inmate what brought him here? He explained his drug addiction and how he has been in and out of rehabs 8 different times. Please keep in mind that this addiction affects the wealthy with unlimited resources just as it does a homeless person with no resources. Addictions of any kind are horrendous and it does not matter what economic or social sector one comes from – it can strike anyone. He continued to explain his story and he kept saying I am through with drugs. I know he means what he says but I didn’t hear a Program associated with his statement. Yes, there are people who can quit their addiction cold turkey without any programs and I say “God bless them.” I am not one of these people and I am grateful I am not. I don’t mean to be taking this person’s inventory; and this is just a personal opinion. This person has been in and out of 8 different rehabs which were not successful. How this person can stop their addiction on their own is beyond my comprehension. I do understand the first step is acknowledging the addiction which this inmate has done and part of the process has got to come from the person himself. However, for some people, (just like me) this is not enough and need a Program of Recovery whatever it may be.
I did not preach or give any lectures to this inmate and I wanted to give him the address of the Las Vegas Recovery Center – the place that offered me the job. I remember for my interview with them, I learned the owner was from a very wealthy family and had suffered from a drug addiction. He was able to recover and has been in recovery for over 20 years. However, the owner’s sister was not as fortunate. She tried and failed on many different occasions just like the inmate I spoke to tonight. So, the owner decided to take what worked best for him and apply it – also with a healthy capital investment – to his recovery / rehab center. His sister has been in recovery for a few years, thanks to these techniques which are based on the Twelve Steps.
This inmate made an impression on me and the conversation was very positive. He also told me about becoming a Physical Conditioning Trainer while I am here. There are inmates who train other inmates for the physical conditioning part of the firefighting training. It is a job five days a week each morning for two hours. I have no doubt I can do all of the physical requirements right now so I am very interested in this position. He gave me the name of the person in charge and tomorrow morning I will seek him out. He did mention that a four month commitment is necessary for this position which seems viable because it looks like I will be here this long. At the end of this time period I can supposedly choose the fire camp I would like to attend. Who knows if any of this will come true, but I do like the possibilities.
It appears that just like in the “normal” world, prison life is almost the same. The saying, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know,” applies to prison life as well. I don’t want to get caught up in any games or favors. I want to do things the right way; however, I do want to ensure the playing field is level for me. I don’t want to struggle against the system, I want the system to work with me. This may sound strange but there are many things I am very naïve to and I don’t want to get blindsided in any way. I need to keep my head up, eyes and ears open, but most of all I need to be safe and strong.
I will find my way around eventually. Right now this is one large learning process. It is again like being dropped into a foreign country and not knowing the language or the customs. Over time, I will learn all of these things and continue on my way back to my family. It is still very early and I will be as patient as I can in order to fully understand the environment.
As I was waiting for the telephone assignments, I was speaking to a few of the inmates who came with me on the bus from the reception center last Friday. One of the positives with coming with a large group – 22 in all – and mostly of the same race (which in prison is a built in common bond) is that I get to see familiar faces. As I spoke with these inmates, they introduced me to other fellow inmates from their dorm and other inmates who they knew. Me being me, I do venture out into the yard without anyone from my dorm. I do like to do my own thing when I exercise or when I am just roaming around so I didn’t have anyone to introduce them to. As it turns out, there are many fascinating stories from these inmates and it does help to pass the time much quicker listening to them.
One particular story came from an inmate who is in his early 40’s and has a drug addiction. He comes from a very wealthy family – at least he claims to but when he mentioned some names, I instantly recognized them. He could be fabricating his background, but I like to believe what people are saying to me is the truth or close to it. He has been in and out of recovery 8 different times. Obviously, he has been in trouble with the law and this is not the first time he has been to prison. We were talking first about my running ability which someone from the reception center mentioned to him. Then we moved to the “Gee, you don’t look like you belong here,” statement. I explained my gambling addiction and as we were discussing this, the inmate told me about a very close family member who died from compulsive gambling. Yes, you read that correctly. It wasn’t a suicide, but this family member gambled so heavily for over 30 years he neglected his health even when he was diagnosed with cancer. He continued to gamble and as the GA Combo states: compulsive gambling will lead to prison, insanity, or death (in some cases all three). This person died at a blackjack table in Las Vegas!
As I was listening to this story, I thought about how fortunate I have become in my recovery. Yes, it took me three times to finally understand the depth of my compulsive gambling and yes, I am in a not so good place for almost the next two years; however, I do know what it takes to recover from my illness. Not only do I know, but I am doing what it takes. Knowing and doing are two different concepts. I can say, “I know I have a problem with compulsive gambling” yet if I don’t do anything about it I am doomed to repeat my past mistakes. However, if I get up off my ass (pardon the language) and do something about it each and everyday, I will recover and have a positive life.
After listening for awhile, I asked the inmate what brought him here? He explained his drug addiction and how he has been in and out of rehabs 8 different times. Please keep in mind that this addiction affects the wealthy with unlimited resources just as it does a homeless person with no resources. Addictions of any kind are horrendous and it does not matter what economic or social sector one comes from – it can strike anyone. He continued to explain his story and he kept saying I am through with drugs. I know he means what he says but I didn’t hear a Program associated with his statement. Yes, there are people who can quit their addiction cold turkey without any programs and I say “God bless them.” I am not one of these people and I am grateful I am not. I don’t mean to be taking this person’s inventory; and this is just a personal opinion. This person has been in and out of 8 different rehabs which were not successful. How this person can stop their addiction on their own is beyond my comprehension. I do understand the first step is acknowledging the addiction which this inmate has done and part of the process has got to come from the person himself. However, for some people, (just like me) this is not enough and need a Program of Recovery whatever it may be.
I did not preach or give any lectures to this inmate and I wanted to give him the address of the Las Vegas Recovery Center – the place that offered me the job. I remember for my interview with them, I learned the owner was from a very wealthy family and had suffered from a drug addiction. He was able to recover and has been in recovery for over 20 years. However, the owner’s sister was not as fortunate. She tried and failed on many different occasions just like the inmate I spoke to tonight. So, the owner decided to take what worked best for him and apply it – also with a healthy capital investment – to his recovery / rehab center. His sister has been in recovery for a few years, thanks to these techniques which are based on the Twelve Steps.
This inmate made an impression on me and the conversation was very positive. He also told me about becoming a Physical Conditioning Trainer while I am here. There are inmates who train other inmates for the physical conditioning part of the firefighting training. It is a job five days a week each morning for two hours. I have no doubt I can do all of the physical requirements right now so I am very interested in this position. He gave me the name of the person in charge and tomorrow morning I will seek him out. He did mention that a four month commitment is necessary for this position which seems viable because it looks like I will be here this long. At the end of this time period I can supposedly choose the fire camp I would like to attend. Who knows if any of this will come true, but I do like the possibilities.
It appears that just like in the “normal” world, prison life is almost the same. The saying, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know,” applies to prison life as well. I don’t want to get caught up in any games or favors. I want to do things the right way; however, I do want to ensure the playing field is level for me. I don’t want to struggle against the system, I want the system to work with me. This may sound strange but there are many things I am very naïve to and I don’t want to get blindsided in any way. I need to keep my head up, eyes and ears open, but most of all I need to be safe and strong.
I will find my way around eventually. Right now this is one large learning process. It is again like being dropped into a foreign country and not knowing the language or the customs. Over time, I will learn all of these things and continue on my way back to my family. It is still very early and I will be as patient as I can in order to fully understand the environment.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Reach Out And Touch Someone
A very long time ago, when AT&T was the only telephone carrier in the nation, their slogan for their long distance commercials was “Reach out and touch someone”. Today for the first time in 75 days, I reached out and telephoned my wife. A simple ordinary piece of equipment like a telephone has been out of my reach for almost 2 ½ months. There hasn’t been a time in my life where I was unable to use a telephone let alone speak to my wife for this long a period of time. At 11:00 am Pacific Daylight Time, I telephoned my wife for my one 15 minute call for today. Never have 15 minutes gone so fast. It was as if we were saying “hello” and the next I knew, the time was over. The call just cut off and we didn’t have time to say “good-bye”.
It was wonderful to hear my wife’s voice. However, she didn’t sound like her usual upbeat self, instead she sounded kind of down. My phone call was somewhat of a surprise to her. She did receive my letter informing her of my transfer and telling her that I will be calling her very soon. I was very happy to reach her and even though the time was very short it meant the world to me just to hear her voice. We each had so much to say, the time elapsed before either one of us could get out 10% of what we wanted to say.
I believe my wife was a little down because she has been “chasing” my attorney for the past three months. She is no closer to any solutions to the outstanding questions we have than she was over three months ago. She is receiving the proverbial “runaround” and I know it is frustrating her. Unfortunately, my attorney is not very good at following through and now that my case has been sentenced, he has not cleaned up the loose ends. My poor wife has been left “holding the bag” so to speak, because of my actions and it seems to be taking a toll on her. Hopefully, now that I can call, we can work through some of these difficulties together.
I have to schedule my telephone call two days in advance. I set up tomorrow’s phone call for 3:00 pm Pacific time. I was not aware that my children have soccer practice at this time so I will have to wait until Thursday to hear their voices. Unfortunately, 15 minutes is nowhere near enough time, but it is yet another thing out of my control. I have to make the best of it and unfortunately so does my wife. For the next 20 plus months (hopefully this will be reduced when I get to the fire camp) I am at the mercy of the Ca Department of Corrections and must abide by their rules. I will and will also make the best of this time.
One disappointment of the telephone today was that I didn’t get a chance to say “I love you” to my wife. The call automatically ends at exactly 15 minutes. There was a “120 second” and “60 second” notice given. The last 60 seconds was over in a heartbeat and the call disconnected with my wife in mid sentence. I am sure we will work out a more efficient system for our phone calls as time goes by. We will be able to say what we need to say and I will be able to hear my children’s voices at the very least weekly. Again, my situation is temporary and before I know it, I will be seeing my wife and children in person.
These telephone calls will become part of my routine for the next few weeks. I cannot obtain a job until I go to classification. I should be going next week (the operative word “should” because we all know what should happen and what actually does happen are two entirely different things). This is where I will meet my new counselor and find out more about how this process works. The counselor needs to clear me so I can work and move forward to the Fire Camp training. Also, during the session, I will ask the counselor about how I obtain a “family visit” which is different than a regular visit. A “family visit” is where my wife can visit me for 72 straight hours – I hope we don’t run out of things to say to each other – and we stay in a bungalow for that period of time. There is a special form that she needs to fill out and I will need to ascertain if it makes sense for her to have a family visit here or at an actual camp. I did mention this visit to my wife today and she seemed pleasantly surprised to hear about it. Whatever type I receive I am looking forward to seeing my lovely wife soon.
I am still trying to figure out my temporary routine. I need to keep exercising and I do have ample yard time to keep doing my exercises. Prior to the phone call this morning, I ran four miles. The keyword is “ran” because I normally jog 8 to 10 miles, but I wanted to test my speed. Part of the physical training is being able to run a mile in less than 8 minutes and 30 seconds. This should not be a problem for me because I ran 26.2 miles averaging less time than this. However, I am not a fast runner and wanted to test my speed today. I ran my first mile in less than 7 minutes and I ran all 4 miles in less than 28 minutes. This is okay and I know I can do better. There is no way I can break the fire camp record for the mile which is 5 minutes and 15 seconds. This is an excellent time by anyone let alone a convict on an asphalt track. I do hope to be in the 6 ½ minute range. I have to keep in mind that I am not getting any younger and all I have to do is run under the allotted time to qualify.
Running the mile is one of the several physical requirements. The only one I am concerned about is the pull-ups. I have to do 20 of these and thankfully these are not 20 consecutive pull-ups. They have to be performed over a few minutes. I can get seven pull-ups in one set and it takes me 3 minutes to do 3 sets of 7. I do need to practice so I can get stronger. I am fairly strong for someone my size but this does not mean I AM strong. I have no problem lifting my body weight because let’s face it, there is not a great deal of weight to lift! I am looking forward to starting the actual training but I do need to be patient because it may take awhile.
I keep receiving all different types of information regarding how long it takes to get to an actual fire camp. There are some inmates who start their training a few weeks after they arrive here. Then there are other inmates who wait 5 and 6 months to start. I have heard that inmates who have half-time on their sentences are moving to fire camps quicker than those who have 80% of their sentences to serve. According to this information, those who have half time are moving to fire camps in 3 months or less - whereas the 80% are moving in 6 months or more. Why there is a difference? I don’t know. Whatever the case, only time will provide me with the proper answers.
There is something I need to have done prior to starting my physical training that may hold up the process. I am over 40 and all fire camp candidates over that age must have an EKG before starting the physical training. Obtaining an EKG is very difficult in prison. I have received some inside information to start the process sooner than later for this. I will follow this advice which may or may not expedite things but it beats waiting around not doing anything.
The only way I learn is by asking questions. Sometimes the more answers I receive the more confused I become. However, with all of the answers I receive, there is about 10% which has the potential to help me. It is up to me whether or not to act on this information. Most times, I do not, but in circumstances where the information will only help me, I do take advantage of it. Right now I have to wait to see my counselor for classification before I can do anything. I do hope this counselor meeting is more timely than my other meeting at the reception center. Also, I do hope this goes better than the last one. Since I got placed here at SCC – which is what I wanted – I guess the previous counselor session didn’t go as badly as I thought.
Right now the key is to find a routine and make it work everyday. These next few weeks will be more difficult than the past because I am waiting for the classification meeting to spring-board a solid routine. In the mean time I will sit back and observe. I would like to start reading again but unfortunately all of the books in the dorm I have already read. I was able to borrow some newspapers that were less than two weeks old and some fairly recent magazines. Also, I do finally get to not only watch the news on TV, but now I can actually hear it. I don’t feel as disconnected with the outside world as I felt when I was at the reception center. The big positive is having the ability of making that one telephone call per day so I can find out what is going on in my family’s life on a real time basis. Also, hearing the voices of my family makes my day!
I would be remiss if I didn’t wish my niece a very Happy Sweet Sixteen! I understand she had a great party earlier this month and everyone had a wonderful time. It seems just like yesterday this stunning girl was born in Pennsylvania.
It was wonderful to hear my wife’s voice. However, she didn’t sound like her usual upbeat self, instead she sounded kind of down. My phone call was somewhat of a surprise to her. She did receive my letter informing her of my transfer and telling her that I will be calling her very soon. I was very happy to reach her and even though the time was very short it meant the world to me just to hear her voice. We each had so much to say, the time elapsed before either one of us could get out 10% of what we wanted to say.
I believe my wife was a little down because she has been “chasing” my attorney for the past three months. She is no closer to any solutions to the outstanding questions we have than she was over three months ago. She is receiving the proverbial “runaround” and I know it is frustrating her. Unfortunately, my attorney is not very good at following through and now that my case has been sentenced, he has not cleaned up the loose ends. My poor wife has been left “holding the bag” so to speak, because of my actions and it seems to be taking a toll on her. Hopefully, now that I can call, we can work through some of these difficulties together.
I have to schedule my telephone call two days in advance. I set up tomorrow’s phone call for 3:00 pm Pacific time. I was not aware that my children have soccer practice at this time so I will have to wait until Thursday to hear their voices. Unfortunately, 15 minutes is nowhere near enough time, but it is yet another thing out of my control. I have to make the best of it and unfortunately so does my wife. For the next 20 plus months (hopefully this will be reduced when I get to the fire camp) I am at the mercy of the Ca Department of Corrections and must abide by their rules. I will and will also make the best of this time.
One disappointment of the telephone today was that I didn’t get a chance to say “I love you” to my wife. The call automatically ends at exactly 15 minutes. There was a “120 second” and “60 second” notice given. The last 60 seconds was over in a heartbeat and the call disconnected with my wife in mid sentence. I am sure we will work out a more efficient system for our phone calls as time goes by. We will be able to say what we need to say and I will be able to hear my children’s voices at the very least weekly. Again, my situation is temporary and before I know it, I will be seeing my wife and children in person.
These telephone calls will become part of my routine for the next few weeks. I cannot obtain a job until I go to classification. I should be going next week (the operative word “should” because we all know what should happen and what actually does happen are two entirely different things). This is where I will meet my new counselor and find out more about how this process works. The counselor needs to clear me so I can work and move forward to the Fire Camp training. Also, during the session, I will ask the counselor about how I obtain a “family visit” which is different than a regular visit. A “family visit” is where my wife can visit me for 72 straight hours – I hope we don’t run out of things to say to each other – and we stay in a bungalow for that period of time. There is a special form that she needs to fill out and I will need to ascertain if it makes sense for her to have a family visit here or at an actual camp. I did mention this visit to my wife today and she seemed pleasantly surprised to hear about it. Whatever type I receive I am looking forward to seeing my lovely wife soon.
I am still trying to figure out my temporary routine. I need to keep exercising and I do have ample yard time to keep doing my exercises. Prior to the phone call this morning, I ran four miles. The keyword is “ran” because I normally jog 8 to 10 miles, but I wanted to test my speed. Part of the physical training is being able to run a mile in less than 8 minutes and 30 seconds. This should not be a problem for me because I ran 26.2 miles averaging less time than this. However, I am not a fast runner and wanted to test my speed today. I ran my first mile in less than 7 minutes and I ran all 4 miles in less than 28 minutes. This is okay and I know I can do better. There is no way I can break the fire camp record for the mile which is 5 minutes and 15 seconds. This is an excellent time by anyone let alone a convict on an asphalt track. I do hope to be in the 6 ½ minute range. I have to keep in mind that I am not getting any younger and all I have to do is run under the allotted time to qualify.
Running the mile is one of the several physical requirements. The only one I am concerned about is the pull-ups. I have to do 20 of these and thankfully these are not 20 consecutive pull-ups. They have to be performed over a few minutes. I can get seven pull-ups in one set and it takes me 3 minutes to do 3 sets of 7. I do need to practice so I can get stronger. I am fairly strong for someone my size but this does not mean I AM strong. I have no problem lifting my body weight because let’s face it, there is not a great deal of weight to lift! I am looking forward to starting the actual training but I do need to be patient because it may take awhile.
I keep receiving all different types of information regarding how long it takes to get to an actual fire camp. There are some inmates who start their training a few weeks after they arrive here. Then there are other inmates who wait 5 and 6 months to start. I have heard that inmates who have half-time on their sentences are moving to fire camps quicker than those who have 80% of their sentences to serve. According to this information, those who have half time are moving to fire camps in 3 months or less - whereas the 80% are moving in 6 months or more. Why there is a difference? I don’t know. Whatever the case, only time will provide me with the proper answers.
There is something I need to have done prior to starting my physical training that may hold up the process. I am over 40 and all fire camp candidates over that age must have an EKG before starting the physical training. Obtaining an EKG is very difficult in prison. I have received some inside information to start the process sooner than later for this. I will follow this advice which may or may not expedite things but it beats waiting around not doing anything.
The only way I learn is by asking questions. Sometimes the more answers I receive the more confused I become. However, with all of the answers I receive, there is about 10% which has the potential to help me. It is up to me whether or not to act on this information. Most times, I do not, but in circumstances where the information will only help me, I do take advantage of it. Right now I have to wait to see my counselor for classification before I can do anything. I do hope this counselor meeting is more timely than my other meeting at the reception center. Also, I do hope this goes better than the last one. Since I got placed here at SCC – which is what I wanted – I guess the previous counselor session didn’t go as badly as I thought.
Right now the key is to find a routine and make it work everyday. These next few weeks will be more difficult than the past because I am waiting for the classification meeting to spring-board a solid routine. In the mean time I will sit back and observe. I would like to start reading again but unfortunately all of the books in the dorm I have already read. I was able to borrow some newspapers that were less than two weeks old and some fairly recent magazines. Also, I do finally get to not only watch the news on TV, but now I can actually hear it. I don’t feel as disconnected with the outside world as I felt when I was at the reception center. The big positive is having the ability of making that one telephone call per day so I can find out what is going on in my family’s life on a real time basis. Also, hearing the voices of my family makes my day!
I would be remiss if I didn’t wish my niece a very Happy Sweet Sixteen! I understand she had a great party earlier this month and everyone had a wonderful time. It seems just like yesterday this stunning girl was born in Pennsylvania.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Feeling My Way
First off, Happy Birthday to my older sister. I hope she had a wonderful day. Second, I am still trying to feel my way around these new surroundings. It is very difficult to be invisible in this environment. The dormitory is very small as I explained the other day and found out these dorms were initially built to house the inmates on single beds when it was opened some years ago. Now the dorm houses 36 inmates in 18 bunk beds. I was wondering why there were only two showers (only one is in use due to privacy concerns, thank God!) for all these inmates, now I understand why.
It makes it very difficult to become invisible with 35 other inmates all around. Last night I decided to take a break from writing and watch Game 1 of the World Series with some of the inmates. The television area now houses 2 sets of bunk beds and I would imagine this configuration should have been a great deal better when there were only 16 inmates in the dorm. Now the 19 inch television – color but no remote – sits in between two of the inmates lockers. There is a bench on each of the walls surrounding the room. The benches can seat 14 inmates uncomfortably and 10 comfortably. There is one positive feature of the television area and it is the plug-ins for headphones so the television does not have any exterior sound. Each inmate has headphones which I bought last night for $2.00 which equates to 10 soups. This is the only way to hear the TV through the headphones and a much better system than any other institution I have been in. In the county jail and the reception center, the television was situated in such a large open area; it was next to impossible to hear, no matter how much the volume was raised. Now even though the TV is smaller, the sound can be heard very well through the headphones. In fact, it was the first time in over three months, I was able to hear every word on the television.
I did indeed watch most of the Game 1 of the World Series until the game was a blowout. Someone did change the channel to a movie. I wanted to stay so I watched the end of this movie – Species – and after it was over there was a vote on the next one. Bourne Identity was won out over the Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. As many of you know I am a big Harry Potter fan, but I did vote for the Bourne Identity. I watched the entire movie and felt like I was one of the “guys.” What I have to be careful of is being too different. Let’s face it, I am already different in the way I look, speak, and handle myself. I don’t want to just stay on my bunk and write, I do need to mingle - I am not sure if that is the right choice of words but I guess it will do – with my other dorm mates. It is also quite clear to everyone that I am different, but I suspect just like what happened in county, I will find my way and everything will be all right.
I do my best to be pleasant, courteous, and positive to everyone. On my very first day – Friday – I made a mistake. After I had been in the dorm a little less than an hour I had set up my bed and I was waiting for my Bunkie to put everything in his locker so I could set mine up. I saw a pile of very good current magazines – Fortune, Business Week and Time sitting on a cabinet in front of a bunk. Normally, the lockers are in the rear of the bunks so I thought these were common magazines to be used by anyone. I just thumbed through these as they sat on the cabinet. I didn’t pick them up, but I was interested in them. As soon as I thumbed through them, another inmate called out to me and yelled, “Hey, why are you touching my stuff?” By the way, he was of a different race which I need to explain. Anyway, I didn’t know these magazines belonged to him. As soon as I heard this, I profusely apologized and said it was all my fault. He did make a comment to another inmate about “Damn First-Termers” but he seemed somewhat okay with my apology.
Yes, it was completely my fault and I had no business touching anyone’s magazines. One of the first rules in prison is - if it is NOT yours, don’t touch it, a very basic rule which I had forgotten. I did know better and it was not the start I was looking for. However, during the movie, I had a brief discussion with this same inmate and I did make him laugh. I think this was a good recovery from Friday.
I am not sure if I laid out the rules for the races and if I have, please forgive me. Before I get to these rules, I must say my dormitory’s racial lines are extremely balanced. I believe this is done on purpose and in my opinion, it is a good thing. Back to the race rules which are also very simple. There are five races as defined by the prison system: Whites, Blacks, Mexican American, Paisa (sp?) (Mexicans for Mexico) and others (all the other races). The Whites get along with the Mexican Americans, Paisas, and some of the others. This means a white inmate can share food and other items with these races but no other races. This doesn’t mean the races don’t speak with one another (as I first thought when I went to the reception center, I was so confused) the races do interact and thankfully very well in the dorm. I did not make these rules, but I must abide by them or I will really be alone. I have said this before and I will say it again, I am all about not making any waves, doing my time, and getting back to my family in a safe manner. As long as I am mindful of these rules, I will be fine. I do know that if I see anything which is NOT mine, I will NOT touch it.
In the category of everything happens for a reason, I have found out that even though I have been assigned to a level 2 yard, it is apparently better than the level 1. I was speaking to a fellow dorm mate who has spent considerable time in both yards and he said level 2 is much better because everyone is older and has been here before. Whereas on the level 1 yard, there are many youngsters who are first termers who want to make a name for themselves and there are more fights there. Patience is the key and I have learned not to freak out about something I cannot control. Fortunately, I have learned something in this process which is no matter I will get through it and be a better person.
From my observations of this dorm and walking around the yard, it does appear everyone is older and more mature. One of the concerns I had was being with a group of young inmates which has not happened. Someone is watching out for me and I am forever grateful. I will be safe and will be strong throughout this entire process, no matter what challenges I may encounter.
It makes it very difficult to become invisible with 35 other inmates all around. Last night I decided to take a break from writing and watch Game 1 of the World Series with some of the inmates. The television area now houses 2 sets of bunk beds and I would imagine this configuration should have been a great deal better when there were only 16 inmates in the dorm. Now the 19 inch television – color but no remote – sits in between two of the inmates lockers. There is a bench on each of the walls surrounding the room. The benches can seat 14 inmates uncomfortably and 10 comfortably. There is one positive feature of the television area and it is the plug-ins for headphones so the television does not have any exterior sound. Each inmate has headphones which I bought last night for $2.00 which equates to 10 soups. This is the only way to hear the TV through the headphones and a much better system than any other institution I have been in. In the county jail and the reception center, the television was situated in such a large open area; it was next to impossible to hear, no matter how much the volume was raised. Now even though the TV is smaller, the sound can be heard very well through the headphones. In fact, it was the first time in over three months, I was able to hear every word on the television.
I did indeed watch most of the Game 1 of the World Series until the game was a blowout. Someone did change the channel to a movie. I wanted to stay so I watched the end of this movie – Species – and after it was over there was a vote on the next one. Bourne Identity was won out over the Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. As many of you know I am a big Harry Potter fan, but I did vote for the Bourne Identity. I watched the entire movie and felt like I was one of the “guys.” What I have to be careful of is being too different. Let’s face it, I am already different in the way I look, speak, and handle myself. I don’t want to just stay on my bunk and write, I do need to mingle - I am not sure if that is the right choice of words but I guess it will do – with my other dorm mates. It is also quite clear to everyone that I am different, but I suspect just like what happened in county, I will find my way and everything will be all right.
I do my best to be pleasant, courteous, and positive to everyone. On my very first day – Friday – I made a mistake. After I had been in the dorm a little less than an hour I had set up my bed and I was waiting for my Bunkie to put everything in his locker so I could set mine up. I saw a pile of very good current magazines – Fortune, Business Week and Time sitting on a cabinet in front of a bunk. Normally, the lockers are in the rear of the bunks so I thought these were common magazines to be used by anyone. I just thumbed through these as they sat on the cabinet. I didn’t pick them up, but I was interested in them. As soon as I thumbed through them, another inmate called out to me and yelled, “Hey, why are you touching my stuff?” By the way, he was of a different race which I need to explain. Anyway, I didn’t know these magazines belonged to him. As soon as I heard this, I profusely apologized and said it was all my fault. He did make a comment to another inmate about “Damn First-Termers” but he seemed somewhat okay with my apology.
Yes, it was completely my fault and I had no business touching anyone’s magazines. One of the first rules in prison is - if it is NOT yours, don’t touch it, a very basic rule which I had forgotten. I did know better and it was not the start I was looking for. However, during the movie, I had a brief discussion with this same inmate and I did make him laugh. I think this was a good recovery from Friday.
I am not sure if I laid out the rules for the races and if I have, please forgive me. Before I get to these rules, I must say my dormitory’s racial lines are extremely balanced. I believe this is done on purpose and in my opinion, it is a good thing. Back to the race rules which are also very simple. There are five races as defined by the prison system: Whites, Blacks, Mexican American, Paisa (sp?) (Mexicans for Mexico) and others (all the other races). The Whites get along with the Mexican Americans, Paisas, and some of the others. This means a white inmate can share food and other items with these races but no other races. This doesn’t mean the races don’t speak with one another (as I first thought when I went to the reception center, I was so confused) the races do interact and thankfully very well in the dorm. I did not make these rules, but I must abide by them or I will really be alone. I have said this before and I will say it again, I am all about not making any waves, doing my time, and getting back to my family in a safe manner. As long as I am mindful of these rules, I will be fine. I do know that if I see anything which is NOT mine, I will NOT touch it.
In the category of everything happens for a reason, I have found out that even though I have been assigned to a level 2 yard, it is apparently better than the level 1. I was speaking to a fellow dorm mate who has spent considerable time in both yards and he said level 2 is much better because everyone is older and has been here before. Whereas on the level 1 yard, there are many youngsters who are first termers who want to make a name for themselves and there are more fights there. Patience is the key and I have learned not to freak out about something I cannot control. Fortunately, I have learned something in this process which is no matter I will get through it and be a better person.
From my observations of this dorm and walking around the yard, it does appear everyone is older and more mature. One of the concerns I had was being with a group of young inmates which has not happened. Someone is watching out for me and I am forever grateful. I will be safe and will be strong throughout this entire process, no matter what challenges I may encounter.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Adaptability
This entire process has been a very big test to see how adaptable I really am. At the start of this journey over 3 moths ago I showed large signs of weakness in my adaptability. I seemed to be pushed beyond my limits and displayed irritability, nervousness, and paranoia. However, I was able to endure those tests and hopefully I have learned something. I do know one thing no matter what happens on this leg of the journey it is just like the two previous, it is TEMPORARY. This is not permanent and when I think about it this way it puts everything into perspective. I believe I had every “right” to freak out when I found out that I was assigned to the level 2 yard but I continue to learn more about myself each day on this journey. I have always been a patient person and I need to apply this patience to this leg of the journey. Right now there is nothing I can do about my housing assignment nor do I know if there is anything other than informing the counselor in classification about the “mix-up”. I have no idea if they will rectify the situation or leave it as it is. There is one wildcard in this potential dilemma and it is my ability to get to fire camp as quickly as possible. Maybe I was assigned to the level 2 yard because it will mean I can get to fire camp faster. Usually level 2 inmates are ineligible for fire camp for a variety of reasons such as being a violent felon. There are classes for fire camp on both yards and maybe they needed additional bodies to fill up the classes on this yard. This could mean I can make it to fire camp faster than someone on the level 1 yard.
I spoke with a fellow dorm member last evening who was back from fire camp getting some dental work. He has been assigned to a fire camp since April of this year and it took him three months to get to camp from this dormitory. Yesterday some of the inmates I came in with on the bus were speaking to a few level 1 inmates who were saying it was taking up to six months to get to fire camp. As I mentioned yesterday everything happens for a reason and maybe this is one of those reasons. Additionally, as I spoke to my fellow dorm mate and asked more questions because this is the only way I can learn - I asked him about how the 35% (which I believe is actually 33% but that is just me being picky!) is calculated. He told me once he got to fire camp he received a new release date. He was scheduled to be released in the middle of June 2007 but when he got to fire camp in April of this year (which meant he had almost 14 months to serve on his sentence) he received a release date of February 28th. This saved him 4 ½ months on his sentence. He went on to tell me the prison system (CDC) takes 10 days off for each month remaining on the sentence. He had 14 months remaining and they took off 140 days or 4 ½ months. I can apply this to my release date and if (?) I make it to fire camp in three months which would be January 2007, I will have 18 months remaining on my sentence and would receive a 180 days or 6 months credit. This would move my release date from mid July 2008 to mid January 2008. This would be wonderful because it would mean I could be with my children when they both celebrate their birthdays in February of 2008. Even if I stay six months before making it to fire camp it will still take 150 days or 5 months off my sentence making my release date right after my children’s birthdays in February. I am certainly hoping and praying I can get to a fire camp sooner because this would be better.
Yes, there are still many steps which need to be accomplished before getting to a fire camp. I need to pass the physical and firefighting training requirements. Hopefully, I can get a pair of running shoes very soon so I can train before the physical training section even starts. I only have a pair of work boots and judging by how much they were irritating my feet while I was walking around the track, I may not be able to run effectively until I receive the running shoes. I have sent my wife an extensive list of items I would like including the running shoes from the pre-approved catalogue. There are three companies which are approved to send the 12”x14”x 24” box to inmates in the California Prison system. I can receive one package per quarter and this quarter runs until December 31, 2006. This package cannot exceed 30 pounds and judging by the list I sent my wife, I will have to wait until at least January 1st to receive some of the items. The catalogues are quite extensive selling televisions (which are prohibited at this institution – Sierra Conservation Center) clothing, sneakers (tennis shoes), health and beauty products and an assortment of food. The prices are a little on the high side and each catalogue is somewhat unique in their items. Our catalogue has pretzels while the others do not and another catalogue has more name brand items. I did send my “wish list” but above all else I do need the running shoes along with the workout shorts so I can train more effectively then now. Now I am going to attempt to run in my work boots long pants and oversized boxers (which I had to “jury-rig” with a rubber band because otherwise they kept falling down) for the time being. (By the way each of the three catalogues sells electric typewriters which I thought were obsolete since the advent of personal computers. My bunk neighbor was using one this afternoon. I am afraid to ask to borrow it because with the amount of writing I do I will burn out the cartridge in no time!)
As I familiarizing myself with my new surroundings I stopped by the yard office. Okay I need to take a step backwards and explain how “yard” works here at SCC. We have “yard” everyday unless we are on lock down status which we are not now but judging by the stories I have heard it will happen while I am here. This morning we had “yard” from 9:30am to 11:30 am and this evening we will have yard from 7:00 pm to 9:00 pm. Tomorrow we will have “yard” from 1:00 pm to 4:00 pm and nothing else. It alternates this way with the inmates on the upper level (there are two levels of dorms) each day. During these times I can run, workout on the pull up bars, or do other calisthenics. Also, is I was fortunate enough to sign up ahead of time I can use one of the telephones on the yard.
There is a sign-up process for the telephones and I signed up today (Saturday) to use the telephone at 11:00 am on Monday. I must place my identification card in this box and then one of the C/O’s draws out the identification card and these inmates can sign up to use the telephone. It is sort of like a lottery system but it appears everyone who places their identification card in the box gets to sign up. They may not get the time they desired but they do get to use the telephone. This is the only way to use the telephone and at first when I heard it was a “lottery” system, I instantly thought of my recovery/abstinence to compulsive gambling. However, I believe I am not in violation of any Gamblers Anonymous principle or guideline by entering this type of drawing. It is amazing how my thought process has focused around my recovery and I have the GA Program to thank for this.
After figuring out the telephone issue, I walked around the track (I will be running soon!) and tried to figure out my new routine. I certainly got used to my routine at the reception center and it made the days go by so much faster. I do not know when I start the training for fire camp and I could be two or three months from now. In the meantime I need to find a job if possible. I did enjoy working in the kitchen so maybe I can find out if one is available. Most of these jobs here are pay jobs which I believe pay a few pennies an hour. Obviously the pay doesn’t matter to me; it is the concept of doing something other than working out. As I approached the yard office I saw a sign posted for a clerk position on the third watch. The Correction Officer in charge of this position stated on the posting that typing skills were required. Also, they were looking for a “non-camper” which means an inmate who is not fire camp eligible. However, the posting did state they would look at all candidates. I though this would be a good position for me because I can type.
However, I do have a few things working against me which are one; I am fire camp eligible and two because of my charges I am precluded from working with a computer while I am an inmate with the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation (so much for the rehabilitation portion). The posting did not mention anything about a computer and even if there is I am still going to apply for the position. Who knows, the C/O may take me on temporarily until I go to camp or start training. I have filled out the form and am awaiting a response. The position is on the third watch which runs from 2:30pm to 10:30pm which would be a fine working time for me. I am all about doing something productive and this position sounds interesting as well.
I need to adapt yet again and I believe I will because so far I have adapted fairly well on this journey. I need to be patient but I do need to be proactive in my job search. It all boils down to doing the right thing which I will try to do each and everyday.
Here is my new address which may or may not change depending on how it goes with the counselor at classification in the coming week. Anything sent to my previous address will be forwarded to me for the next 30 days - after that it will be returned. This is my new address:
Paul Del Vacchio F38991
56-11L
5150 O’Byrnes Ferry Road
Jamestown, CA 95327
I spoke with a fellow dorm member last evening who was back from fire camp getting some dental work. He has been assigned to a fire camp since April of this year and it took him three months to get to camp from this dormitory. Yesterday some of the inmates I came in with on the bus were speaking to a few level 1 inmates who were saying it was taking up to six months to get to fire camp. As I mentioned yesterday everything happens for a reason and maybe this is one of those reasons. Additionally, as I spoke to my fellow dorm mate and asked more questions because this is the only way I can learn - I asked him about how the 35% (which I believe is actually 33% but that is just me being picky!) is calculated. He told me once he got to fire camp he received a new release date. He was scheduled to be released in the middle of June 2007 but when he got to fire camp in April of this year (which meant he had almost 14 months to serve on his sentence) he received a release date of February 28th. This saved him 4 ½ months on his sentence. He went on to tell me the prison system (CDC) takes 10 days off for each month remaining on the sentence. He had 14 months remaining and they took off 140 days or 4 ½ months. I can apply this to my release date and if (?) I make it to fire camp in three months which would be January 2007, I will have 18 months remaining on my sentence and would receive a 180 days or 6 months credit. This would move my release date from mid July 2008 to mid January 2008. This would be wonderful because it would mean I could be with my children when they both celebrate their birthdays in February of 2008. Even if I stay six months before making it to fire camp it will still take 150 days or 5 months off my sentence making my release date right after my children’s birthdays in February. I am certainly hoping and praying I can get to a fire camp sooner because this would be better.
Yes, there are still many steps which need to be accomplished before getting to a fire camp. I need to pass the physical and firefighting training requirements. Hopefully, I can get a pair of running shoes very soon so I can train before the physical training section even starts. I only have a pair of work boots and judging by how much they were irritating my feet while I was walking around the track, I may not be able to run effectively until I receive the running shoes. I have sent my wife an extensive list of items I would like including the running shoes from the pre-approved catalogue. There are three companies which are approved to send the 12”x14”x 24” box to inmates in the California Prison system. I can receive one package per quarter and this quarter runs until December 31, 2006. This package cannot exceed 30 pounds and judging by the list I sent my wife, I will have to wait until at least January 1st to receive some of the items. The catalogues are quite extensive selling televisions (which are prohibited at this institution – Sierra Conservation Center) clothing, sneakers (tennis shoes), health and beauty products and an assortment of food. The prices are a little on the high side and each catalogue is somewhat unique in their items. Our catalogue has pretzels while the others do not and another catalogue has more name brand items. I did send my “wish list” but above all else I do need the running shoes along with the workout shorts so I can train more effectively then now. Now I am going to attempt to run in my work boots long pants and oversized boxers (which I had to “jury-rig” with a rubber band because otherwise they kept falling down) for the time being. (By the way each of the three catalogues sells electric typewriters which I thought were obsolete since the advent of personal computers. My bunk neighbor was using one this afternoon. I am afraid to ask to borrow it because with the amount of writing I do I will burn out the cartridge in no time!)
As I familiarizing myself with my new surroundings I stopped by the yard office. Okay I need to take a step backwards and explain how “yard” works here at SCC. We have “yard” everyday unless we are on lock down status which we are not now but judging by the stories I have heard it will happen while I am here. This morning we had “yard” from 9:30am to 11:30 am and this evening we will have yard from 7:00 pm to 9:00 pm. Tomorrow we will have “yard” from 1:00 pm to 4:00 pm and nothing else. It alternates this way with the inmates on the upper level (there are two levels of dorms) each day. During these times I can run, workout on the pull up bars, or do other calisthenics. Also, is I was fortunate enough to sign up ahead of time I can use one of the telephones on the yard.
There is a sign-up process for the telephones and I signed up today (Saturday) to use the telephone at 11:00 am on Monday. I must place my identification card in this box and then one of the C/O’s draws out the identification card and these inmates can sign up to use the telephone. It is sort of like a lottery system but it appears everyone who places their identification card in the box gets to sign up. They may not get the time they desired but they do get to use the telephone. This is the only way to use the telephone and at first when I heard it was a “lottery” system, I instantly thought of my recovery/abstinence to compulsive gambling. However, I believe I am not in violation of any Gamblers Anonymous principle or guideline by entering this type of drawing. It is amazing how my thought process has focused around my recovery and I have the GA Program to thank for this.
After figuring out the telephone issue, I walked around the track (I will be running soon!) and tried to figure out my new routine. I certainly got used to my routine at the reception center and it made the days go by so much faster. I do not know when I start the training for fire camp and I could be two or three months from now. In the meantime I need to find a job if possible. I did enjoy working in the kitchen so maybe I can find out if one is available. Most of these jobs here are pay jobs which I believe pay a few pennies an hour. Obviously the pay doesn’t matter to me; it is the concept of doing something other than working out. As I approached the yard office I saw a sign posted for a clerk position on the third watch. The Correction Officer in charge of this position stated on the posting that typing skills were required. Also, they were looking for a “non-camper” which means an inmate who is not fire camp eligible. However, the posting did state they would look at all candidates. I though this would be a good position for me because I can type.
However, I do have a few things working against me which are one; I am fire camp eligible and two because of my charges I am precluded from working with a computer while I am an inmate with the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation (so much for the rehabilitation portion). The posting did not mention anything about a computer and even if there is I am still going to apply for the position. Who knows, the C/O may take me on temporarily until I go to camp or start training. I have filled out the form and am awaiting a response. The position is on the third watch which runs from 2:30pm to 10:30pm which would be a fine working time for me. I am all about doing something productive and this position sounds interesting as well.
I need to adapt yet again and I believe I will because so far I have adapted fairly well on this journey. I need to be patient but I do need to be proactive in my job search. It all boils down to doing the right thing which I will try to do each and everyday.
Here is my new address which may or may not change depending on how it goes with the counselor at classification in the coming week. Anything sent to my previous address will be forwarded to me for the next 30 days - after that it will be returned. This is my new address:
Paul Del Vacchio F38991
56-11L
5150 O’Byrnes Ferry Road
Jamestown, CA 95327
Friday, October 20, 2006
Sierra Conservation Center
Last night, I was called to the podium at 4:30 pm by the Correction Officer. I was summoned to bring my identification card and to be fully dressed. I threw on my orange top and walked briskly to the podium. I was greeted by another CO who was there to collect a sample of my DNA. I had already done this in county, but the state needed to do this as well. He was very pleasant and walked me through the process. He told me about the DNA sample which needed to be collected prior to my transfer. As I swabbed my gums seven times with the tongue-like instrument, the CO asked me where I was being transferred. I told him Jamestown – SCC – and he said, “That is great. How did you manage that?”
I told him, “God was watching out for me or someone is watching out for me.”
He replied, “ This is good that you acknowledge that this is good luck.”
I said, “Good night” and went to bed.
The process for my transfer was in full gear with another step taken. After this I went to dinner with the “normal inmate” and a few other “friend-like inmates”. This would be my last dinner at the Reception Center and most likely the last time I would see these inmates. Dinner was actually edible for me because it was Spanish rice, red beans, corn, lettuce, chicken enchiladas (which I traded for rice) and tortillas. I made myself a vegetable burrito and was actually satisfied for the first time in a long time. Unfortunately, due to the seating arrangements, I did not sit with my friend – the “normal inmate” – but he was at the adjacent table. I was at a table with the inmates who I have been close to over the past two months.
After dinner, I settled with the rest of the inmates to watch game seven of the Met / Cardinals Series. Unfortunately, the Mets came up a little short and I would imagine my brother-in-law and nephew were going a little crazy during the game because they are “die-hard” Mets fans. It was a great game and most of the inmates were rooting for the Cardinals with very few of them cheering for the Mets. There was a great deal of comical antics during the game and even though the Mets lost, I enjoyed myself watching the game.
The game ended and I went around to those inmates who I have been acquainted with to say good-byes. Including the “normal inmate,” there were four inmates who I said good-bye to. It’s very interesting because two months ago, I knew no one and now considering the circumstances, I felt close to these four inmates. Now we are all going our separate ways which is just how it goes. I did save my good-bye for the “normal inmate” when I departed at 3:00 am per his request. Yes, the CO came over to my bunk area to wake me up at 2:45 am, but I was already awake when he came by. I got out of my bunk, dressed, brushed my teeth, and stopped by the “normal” inmate’s bunk said my good-bye and off I went with six other inmates from the dorm. All seven of us were going to Sierra Conservation Center and we were all the same race which seemed a little unusual.
As we walked toward the checkpoint, we met up with four other inmates from other dormitories and they were of different races than we were. This was more the case and I stopped reading into it once I saw them. We went through the checkpoint but not before we were padded down by the COs. The one who padded me down was the same one who led us over to the kitchen at 4:30 am. He recognized me and asked how I was doing which I thought was very nice of him. Then we were led over to the R&R (I should know what these letters stand for but I don’t. I just know it’s the area where everyone comes in and departs). We were then stripped searched just as I was when I came in on August 11th. All of us took off our clothes and were given paper boxers, paper tee-shirts, and a red paper jumpsuit. These were our transfer clothes and after putting them on, all eleven of us were led into a holding cell. It was now 3:20 am and we were given a sack breakfast of peanut butter, jelly, potato chips, cookies, and an apple. I thought this to be a peculiar breakfast and when the CO told us we couldn’t take it with us on the bus, I wondered to myself when I would eat this. We sat there for a few hours and were joined by another inmate.
This inmate looked to be 12 years old – but was actually in his early 20’s – and as I listened to him speak, I realized he has been in trouble for his entire short life. As he spoke, I noticed a bravado, and it was almost as if he was wearing a badge of honor for being in prison. I thought to myself, what a shame this was, and I instantly thought of my five year old son and how I hope and pray he continues to be a good kid.
The six other inmates in the cell were from my dorm and I knew each one. I wouldn’t say I became friendly with them except for the one who was the oldest of the group. He is from the same area where I used to live and he also had the same judge as I did. He had also been to Jamestown a few times and knows the drill inside and out. He was the one to tell me about the fire camp which is located very near to where I used to live. In fact, he has done a great deal of construction on this camp and knows the “powers to be” very well. He is also the one who came to the Reception Center the same day as I did and had very similar transfers. There was some type of connection and I wanted to stay close to him for his knowledge.
We sat in the holding cell until 5:40 am when the CO called each one of us out. We were again stripped searched and after this, we received the handcuffs and leg irons for the bus ride. On days like today, I do everything in my power to stay positive because these are the horrible consequences of my horrible actions. I am treated just like the murderer and the rapist because we are all criminals. Even though I do everything in my power to stay positive, it is very difficult not to have a complete breakdown. Fortunately, so far, I have not. I have fallen into a depressed state, but I think about my creed of being safe and being strong. Also, I constantly think about those three wonderful people in New Jersey and how I look forward to being with them in due time.
We were lead onto the bus in our handcuffs and leg irons – I had a chain around my waist and was handcuffed to the chain. This was different from the county where I was handcuffed to another prisoner for that bus ride. The transportation CO then gave us the “rule” of the bus ride which was when the bus was moving we were not to make a sound; he made this crystal clear to the 26 inmates on board. The bus was separated by a metal fence where 23 of us sat. In front of the metal fence were three individual cages where the remaining three sat in their handcuffs and leg irons. We were told by the CO that it would be a 4 hour ride to Jamestown. Around 6:00 am, after the two CO’s in the rear of the bus obtained their shotguns from the weapon’s shed, we were on our way.
As I looked around this was again a very real experience. It is no longer an outer body / surreal experience. This is my reality and I must stay strong in order to stay safe. I have been told that this is the last time I would be transferred in handcuffs and leg irons. The next bus or van ride will – hopefully – be to an actual fire camp with no restraints, shackles, or cuffs. The transportation is provided by the Ca Dept of Forestry – the dept that runs the camps – and they will treat me like a firefighter (assuming that I qualify) not like a prisoner. I don’t know when this will happen because I am hearing varying reports on getting to an actual camp. I heard it can take up to 6 months to get there. It will happen when it happens~
We reached our destination at 10:00 am and we even stopped for 15 minutes so the CO’s could get a cup of coffee. We did a great deal of non- freeway driving and we were headed toward Yosemite National Park. We made many turns and found the prison tucked fairly far away from civilization. After making the final turn, the prison was on the right hand side. I took notice of the age, size, and all the razor wire surrounding the prison. It appeared much older and larger than I thought it would be.
This prison houses levels 1, 2, and 3. Level 3 appears to be more secure and houses inmates who have more than 10 years to serve on their sentences. The level 1 and level 2 are differentiated by the number of points an inmate has. Level 1 goes up to 18 points and level 2 ranges from 19-27. These points are calculated by the length of sentence, age of first arrest, and previous sentences. My points were easy to calculate. My sentence is 4 years and this is multiplied by 2. I don’t have any previous sentences and the age of my first arrest was 39 which equates to 0 points on the scoring grid. Thus, my total points are 8 which means I am a low level 1 inmate.
We arrived at the prison and as soon as we drove through the gates we stopped and the two armed CO’s went to store their firearms. The bus drove to the rear and when we stopped we were instructed to step to the front of the bus. When we made our way to the front of the bus, the CO unfastened the waist chain and handcuffs. We had arrived at the R&R Center for Sierra Conservation Center. We were then led into the very small receiving office where we were subjected to yet another strip search. Just like the previous two before we departed, I felt humiliated and debilitated, but it is a regrettable part of the process.
After this we were led into a small holding room. It wasn’t a cell because the room was both inside and outside of the R&R Office. We were given a sack lunch which consisted of baloney, bread, potato chips, cookies, and a drink mix – which by the way I have stopped using even though it is sugar free, I believe the ingredients were causing my night urinary problems. I stopped drinking these 10 days ago and I have not had any issues since. I gave away the entire contents of my lunch and I wasn’t even that hungry.
After the sack lunches were eaten by the other inmates, we were called in to have our picture taken for the SCC Identification Card. Also, after the picture was taken, all of us went into the sergeant’s office individually for a brief interview. Mine consisted of a few questions such as, “What are you claiming?” I didn’t understand this question because at first I thought it had to do with taxes which I knew was wrong so I asked the sergeant to please clarify. He restated, “What race are you claiming, white, other, etc?” Another question from him was, “Do you have any gang relations or other concerns?”
I said, “No.”
He asked, “Is this your first time?”
After saying, “Yes,” he wished me good luck and we were finished with the interview.
I returned to the holding room to wait for the nurse so she could administer the tuberculosis test. We waited until 1:15 when we were all given the test on an individual basis. The nurse had everyone’s medical file for their previous incarcerations. Out of the 22 inmates, I am the only first timer. The nurse remarked about my being very healthy, administered the test and gave me a booklet on the medical care in the prison and off I went. We were finished with the R&R portion of our intake process; now it was off to the yard to get our bedding and clothing.
We were first given our work boots which are fairly comfortable. I don’t know how I am going to run in these boots because I was not allowed to have the canvas sneakers my previous Bunkie gave me. However, there are catalogues from companies that are approved to deliver to this prison and I can receive one package every three months. I will get a copy of this and pick out some items so I can have some comfortable running shoes for the physical training section of getting into fire camp. After I received the work boots, I was given bedding and clothing. We were then escorted to the gym so we could change our of our paper jump suits into our new clothing. Now that I am in a “main-line” prison, the color is blue pants and blue shirts – no longer am I wearing orange. I have worn orange for the last 100 days. Yes, today marks my 100th day in custody since my sentencing date.
As I was changing out of my paper jumpsuit into my new clothing, I noticed the sizes. My boxers were a 2XL and unfortunately even though the boxers fall off when I put them on I didn’t have a choice to get a smaller size. I have to wait until next Thursday when clothing is exchanged to see if I can get a smaller size. I had this same problem at the reception center and when I found a size which fit, I never exchanged it for fear of not getting back the same size. I am sure the process is the same here and eventually I will find boxers which fit – up until then I will make do. The pants are okay because they are elastic and aren’t nearly as large as the boxers. The tee shirts and shirts are big but workable. Again, it is about improvising and I believe I can configure the boxers and shirts to fit temporarily.
We were in the gym changing into our new clothing looking from the second floor into the sea of bunk beds. This gym was twice the size of the one at the reception center. This also serves a dormitory with 300 beds compared to the 140 beds at the reception center. The configuration of the gym was not nearly as “cozy” as the one I just left and I was hoping that I wouldn’t get placed into the gym.
The last thing we were waiting for was our dormitory assignments. I was hoping to be assigned with one of the older inmates who were with me at the reception dorm so at the very least I would see a familiar face. We waited until after 3:00 pm for the CO to come upstairs with the dorm assignments. He called out our names one by one and as we approached him, he gave over the ID card with the dorm/bunk assignment. The whole time during this process, my name was directly behind the oldest inmate who I have a great deal in common with so I was again hoping I would be with him in a dormitory. I waited patiently for my name to be called and I heard the “oldest” inmate’s name called, but I was not called after him. Twenty of 22 inmates were called before my name. I gathered my ID card from the CO and was directed to go left out into the yard. I noticed the “oldest” inmate went right into a different yard.
I had all my belongings and walked to my dorm assignment. I noticed directly behind me was the “youngest” inmate – the one who looked 12 years old. Do I need to say who my Bunkie is? “Hmm…out of the 21 other inmates ~ I am placed with the one I would not have chosen. As I walked toward the dorm, I was amazed at the number of inmates on the yard and also the way they all seemed to look. I thought I was walking into the set of a Hollywood movie about prison. I tried to find a familiar face or a “normal” face but couldn’t. With all this said, I was not nearly as paranoid as I have been in the past because I have to trust in God and the plan that has been bestowed on me. Also this IS the place I wanted. I am just hoping it is not a case of “Be careful of what you ask for.”
I waited for the Co to unlock the dorm for the both of us. I entered and was not very impressed. Yes, it is older and in okay shape. There are 18 bunks to house 36 inmates. My area is about 40 feet long and 15 feet wide. There is one television and bathroom – which consist of one urinal, two toilets, one with a door – amazing- three sinks and one shower. These are both located at the far end of the dorm. I am on the lower bunk next to a three foot locker where I store my clothes, toiletries, and food (peanut butter and soups) which is secured by a combination lock. The one very noticeable difference from anywhere I have been is there isn’t a CO in the dorm whatsoever. This is the smallest dorm I have been in and it will take some getting used to.
As I made my way to the bunk, I looked around at the other inmates and noticed most of them were around my age and some very much younger. I was looking for a “normal” face but didn’t find one. I was introduced to a few neighbors and received the – “We are going to need to see your paperwork” question. I knew this was going to happen sooner or later and I have been told various responses to this question. I opted for the “Sure, no problem,” response because the last thing I want is any problem reminding myself of the “be safe” motto. I got my papers and showed then to one of the other inmates. Yes, I was correct there were no problems when I showed my paperwork. I believe this is standard prison inmate procedure in order to weed out the child predators. I am not sure if I agree with this concept but I am not one to argue from my lonely vantage point.
I unpacked all my belongings, mostly letters which take up the bottom half of my locker. It was now time for dinner/chow. The menu is essentially the same but as luck would have it, the one meal I can eat (pizza / pasta) which would have been served tomorrow at the reception center was served last night here. It looks like my timing was off. Chow is a little different with the seating arrangements because not everyone goes and the whole yard/prison has dinner at the same time. I did go with my Bunkie and two other dorm mates. As we entered, I looked around and said to myself, “This is more of a prison experience than the reception center” as I looked at the faces seated at the tables. We had to wait for our race’s table to become open and it only took a few moments. I made one of the dorm mates very happy because I gave away my chicken leg for spinach. By the way, my eating habits are a great ice breaker in prison and invariably, there are many people who want to sit at the same table as me and it’s not because they enjoy my company!
We finished dinner quickly, but this was all our decision which again is very different than the reception center where the CO’s dictated our eating time at dinner. Please don’t get me wrong, there are many CO’s around the perimeter of the prison and yard but they aren’t as visible and again I was amazed at the sheer number of inmates. Please remember, this is supposed to be one of the better prisons to serve time in the entire California Department of Corrections so maybe my expectations were a bit off.
As we made our way toward the dormitory I asked one of my dorm mates if this was the level 1 yard because I felt something was wrong. They answered, “No, this is level 2 yard.” Instantly it hit me, I was on a higher level yard then I should be which is why everything has felt a little more “serious”. My response to them was, “I have 8 points, why the hell am I on a level 2 yard?” They did tell me this was a combination of 1 and 2 with more 2’s as opposed to the other side where it is just a level 1. Fortunately, I haven’t freaked out (yet!) and the paranoia has not set in. I go to classification in one week where they will give me my proper status which is a level 1 and presumably should move me to the level 1 yard. I believe I can make it a week without freaking out and with being safe. Hopefully, I can chalk this up to an administrative mix-up which will be corrected very shortly. Of course, I cannot figure out how the only first timer out of all the inmates who were transferred - why I was the only one to get mixed-up. I understand due to the volume of inmates, mistakes do happen and everything does happen for a reason. I have been very fortunate thus far with my prison (not the county jail) housing assignments. I do believe they will only be temporary (very temporary) so there is no need to panic.
I told him, “God was watching out for me or someone is watching out for me.”
He replied, “ This is good that you acknowledge that this is good luck.”
I said, “Good night” and went to bed.
The process for my transfer was in full gear with another step taken. After this I went to dinner with the “normal inmate” and a few other “friend-like inmates”. This would be my last dinner at the Reception Center and most likely the last time I would see these inmates. Dinner was actually edible for me because it was Spanish rice, red beans, corn, lettuce, chicken enchiladas (which I traded for rice) and tortillas. I made myself a vegetable burrito and was actually satisfied for the first time in a long time. Unfortunately, due to the seating arrangements, I did not sit with my friend – the “normal inmate” – but he was at the adjacent table. I was at a table with the inmates who I have been close to over the past two months.
After dinner, I settled with the rest of the inmates to watch game seven of the Met / Cardinals Series. Unfortunately, the Mets came up a little short and I would imagine my brother-in-law and nephew were going a little crazy during the game because they are “die-hard” Mets fans. It was a great game and most of the inmates were rooting for the Cardinals with very few of them cheering for the Mets. There was a great deal of comical antics during the game and even though the Mets lost, I enjoyed myself watching the game.
The game ended and I went around to those inmates who I have been acquainted with to say good-byes. Including the “normal inmate,” there were four inmates who I said good-bye to. It’s very interesting because two months ago, I knew no one and now considering the circumstances, I felt close to these four inmates. Now we are all going our separate ways which is just how it goes. I did save my good-bye for the “normal inmate” when I departed at 3:00 am per his request. Yes, the CO came over to my bunk area to wake me up at 2:45 am, but I was already awake when he came by. I got out of my bunk, dressed, brushed my teeth, and stopped by the “normal” inmate’s bunk said my good-bye and off I went with six other inmates from the dorm. All seven of us were going to Sierra Conservation Center and we were all the same race which seemed a little unusual.
As we walked toward the checkpoint, we met up with four other inmates from other dormitories and they were of different races than we were. This was more the case and I stopped reading into it once I saw them. We went through the checkpoint but not before we were padded down by the COs. The one who padded me down was the same one who led us over to the kitchen at 4:30 am. He recognized me and asked how I was doing which I thought was very nice of him. Then we were led over to the R&R (I should know what these letters stand for but I don’t. I just know it’s the area where everyone comes in and departs). We were then stripped searched just as I was when I came in on August 11th. All of us took off our clothes and were given paper boxers, paper tee-shirts, and a red paper jumpsuit. These were our transfer clothes and after putting them on, all eleven of us were led into a holding cell. It was now 3:20 am and we were given a sack breakfast of peanut butter, jelly, potato chips, cookies, and an apple. I thought this to be a peculiar breakfast and when the CO told us we couldn’t take it with us on the bus, I wondered to myself when I would eat this. We sat there for a few hours and were joined by another inmate.
This inmate looked to be 12 years old – but was actually in his early 20’s – and as I listened to him speak, I realized he has been in trouble for his entire short life. As he spoke, I noticed a bravado, and it was almost as if he was wearing a badge of honor for being in prison. I thought to myself, what a shame this was, and I instantly thought of my five year old son and how I hope and pray he continues to be a good kid.
The six other inmates in the cell were from my dorm and I knew each one. I wouldn’t say I became friendly with them except for the one who was the oldest of the group. He is from the same area where I used to live and he also had the same judge as I did. He had also been to Jamestown a few times and knows the drill inside and out. He was the one to tell me about the fire camp which is located very near to where I used to live. In fact, he has done a great deal of construction on this camp and knows the “powers to be” very well. He is also the one who came to the Reception Center the same day as I did and had very similar transfers. There was some type of connection and I wanted to stay close to him for his knowledge.
We sat in the holding cell until 5:40 am when the CO called each one of us out. We were again stripped searched and after this, we received the handcuffs and leg irons for the bus ride. On days like today, I do everything in my power to stay positive because these are the horrible consequences of my horrible actions. I am treated just like the murderer and the rapist because we are all criminals. Even though I do everything in my power to stay positive, it is very difficult not to have a complete breakdown. Fortunately, so far, I have not. I have fallen into a depressed state, but I think about my creed of being safe and being strong. Also, I constantly think about those three wonderful people in New Jersey and how I look forward to being with them in due time.
We were lead onto the bus in our handcuffs and leg irons – I had a chain around my waist and was handcuffed to the chain. This was different from the county where I was handcuffed to another prisoner for that bus ride. The transportation CO then gave us the “rule” of the bus ride which was when the bus was moving we were not to make a sound; he made this crystal clear to the 26 inmates on board. The bus was separated by a metal fence where 23 of us sat. In front of the metal fence were three individual cages where the remaining three sat in their handcuffs and leg irons. We were told by the CO that it would be a 4 hour ride to Jamestown. Around 6:00 am, after the two CO’s in the rear of the bus obtained their shotguns from the weapon’s shed, we were on our way.
As I looked around this was again a very real experience. It is no longer an outer body / surreal experience. This is my reality and I must stay strong in order to stay safe. I have been told that this is the last time I would be transferred in handcuffs and leg irons. The next bus or van ride will – hopefully – be to an actual fire camp with no restraints, shackles, or cuffs. The transportation is provided by the Ca Dept of Forestry – the dept that runs the camps – and they will treat me like a firefighter (assuming that I qualify) not like a prisoner. I don’t know when this will happen because I am hearing varying reports on getting to an actual camp. I heard it can take up to 6 months to get there. It will happen when it happens~
We reached our destination at 10:00 am and we even stopped for 15 minutes so the CO’s could get a cup of coffee. We did a great deal of non- freeway driving and we were headed toward Yosemite National Park. We made many turns and found the prison tucked fairly far away from civilization. After making the final turn, the prison was on the right hand side. I took notice of the age, size, and all the razor wire surrounding the prison. It appeared much older and larger than I thought it would be.
This prison houses levels 1, 2, and 3. Level 3 appears to be more secure and houses inmates who have more than 10 years to serve on their sentences. The level 1 and level 2 are differentiated by the number of points an inmate has. Level 1 goes up to 18 points and level 2 ranges from 19-27. These points are calculated by the length of sentence, age of first arrest, and previous sentences. My points were easy to calculate. My sentence is 4 years and this is multiplied by 2. I don’t have any previous sentences and the age of my first arrest was 39 which equates to 0 points on the scoring grid. Thus, my total points are 8 which means I am a low level 1 inmate.
We arrived at the prison and as soon as we drove through the gates we stopped and the two armed CO’s went to store their firearms. The bus drove to the rear and when we stopped we were instructed to step to the front of the bus. When we made our way to the front of the bus, the CO unfastened the waist chain and handcuffs. We had arrived at the R&R Center for Sierra Conservation Center. We were then led into the very small receiving office where we were subjected to yet another strip search. Just like the previous two before we departed, I felt humiliated and debilitated, but it is a regrettable part of the process.
After this we were led into a small holding room. It wasn’t a cell because the room was both inside and outside of the R&R Office. We were given a sack lunch which consisted of baloney, bread, potato chips, cookies, and a drink mix – which by the way I have stopped using even though it is sugar free, I believe the ingredients were causing my night urinary problems. I stopped drinking these 10 days ago and I have not had any issues since. I gave away the entire contents of my lunch and I wasn’t even that hungry.
After the sack lunches were eaten by the other inmates, we were called in to have our picture taken for the SCC Identification Card. Also, after the picture was taken, all of us went into the sergeant’s office individually for a brief interview. Mine consisted of a few questions such as, “What are you claiming?” I didn’t understand this question because at first I thought it had to do with taxes which I knew was wrong so I asked the sergeant to please clarify. He restated, “What race are you claiming, white, other, etc?” Another question from him was, “Do you have any gang relations or other concerns?”
I said, “No.”
He asked, “Is this your first time?”
After saying, “Yes,” he wished me good luck and we were finished with the interview.
I returned to the holding room to wait for the nurse so she could administer the tuberculosis test. We waited until 1:15 when we were all given the test on an individual basis. The nurse had everyone’s medical file for their previous incarcerations. Out of the 22 inmates, I am the only first timer. The nurse remarked about my being very healthy, administered the test and gave me a booklet on the medical care in the prison and off I went. We were finished with the R&R portion of our intake process; now it was off to the yard to get our bedding and clothing.
We were first given our work boots which are fairly comfortable. I don’t know how I am going to run in these boots because I was not allowed to have the canvas sneakers my previous Bunkie gave me. However, there are catalogues from companies that are approved to deliver to this prison and I can receive one package every three months. I will get a copy of this and pick out some items so I can have some comfortable running shoes for the physical training section of getting into fire camp. After I received the work boots, I was given bedding and clothing. We were then escorted to the gym so we could change our of our paper jump suits into our new clothing. Now that I am in a “main-line” prison, the color is blue pants and blue shirts – no longer am I wearing orange. I have worn orange for the last 100 days. Yes, today marks my 100th day in custody since my sentencing date.
As I was changing out of my paper jumpsuit into my new clothing, I noticed the sizes. My boxers were a 2XL and unfortunately even though the boxers fall off when I put them on I didn’t have a choice to get a smaller size. I have to wait until next Thursday when clothing is exchanged to see if I can get a smaller size. I had this same problem at the reception center and when I found a size which fit, I never exchanged it for fear of not getting back the same size. I am sure the process is the same here and eventually I will find boxers which fit – up until then I will make do. The pants are okay because they are elastic and aren’t nearly as large as the boxers. The tee shirts and shirts are big but workable. Again, it is about improvising and I believe I can configure the boxers and shirts to fit temporarily.
We were in the gym changing into our new clothing looking from the second floor into the sea of bunk beds. This gym was twice the size of the one at the reception center. This also serves a dormitory with 300 beds compared to the 140 beds at the reception center. The configuration of the gym was not nearly as “cozy” as the one I just left and I was hoping that I wouldn’t get placed into the gym.
The last thing we were waiting for was our dormitory assignments. I was hoping to be assigned with one of the older inmates who were with me at the reception dorm so at the very least I would see a familiar face. We waited until after 3:00 pm for the CO to come upstairs with the dorm assignments. He called out our names one by one and as we approached him, he gave over the ID card with the dorm/bunk assignment. The whole time during this process, my name was directly behind the oldest inmate who I have a great deal in common with so I was again hoping I would be with him in a dormitory. I waited patiently for my name to be called and I heard the “oldest” inmate’s name called, but I was not called after him. Twenty of 22 inmates were called before my name. I gathered my ID card from the CO and was directed to go left out into the yard. I noticed the “oldest” inmate went right into a different yard.
I had all my belongings and walked to my dorm assignment. I noticed directly behind me was the “youngest” inmate – the one who looked 12 years old. Do I need to say who my Bunkie is? “Hmm…out of the 21 other inmates ~ I am placed with the one I would not have chosen. As I walked toward the dorm, I was amazed at the number of inmates on the yard and also the way they all seemed to look. I thought I was walking into the set of a Hollywood movie about prison. I tried to find a familiar face or a “normal” face but couldn’t. With all this said, I was not nearly as paranoid as I have been in the past because I have to trust in God and the plan that has been bestowed on me. Also this IS the place I wanted. I am just hoping it is not a case of “Be careful of what you ask for.”
I waited for the Co to unlock the dorm for the both of us. I entered and was not very impressed. Yes, it is older and in okay shape. There are 18 bunks to house 36 inmates. My area is about 40 feet long and 15 feet wide. There is one television and bathroom – which consist of one urinal, two toilets, one with a door – amazing- three sinks and one shower. These are both located at the far end of the dorm. I am on the lower bunk next to a three foot locker where I store my clothes, toiletries, and food (peanut butter and soups) which is secured by a combination lock. The one very noticeable difference from anywhere I have been is there isn’t a CO in the dorm whatsoever. This is the smallest dorm I have been in and it will take some getting used to.
As I made my way to the bunk, I looked around at the other inmates and noticed most of them were around my age and some very much younger. I was looking for a “normal” face but didn’t find one. I was introduced to a few neighbors and received the – “We are going to need to see your paperwork” question. I knew this was going to happen sooner or later and I have been told various responses to this question. I opted for the “Sure, no problem,” response because the last thing I want is any problem reminding myself of the “be safe” motto. I got my papers and showed then to one of the other inmates. Yes, I was correct there were no problems when I showed my paperwork. I believe this is standard prison inmate procedure in order to weed out the child predators. I am not sure if I agree with this concept but I am not one to argue from my lonely vantage point.
I unpacked all my belongings, mostly letters which take up the bottom half of my locker. It was now time for dinner/chow. The menu is essentially the same but as luck would have it, the one meal I can eat (pizza / pasta) which would have been served tomorrow at the reception center was served last night here. It looks like my timing was off. Chow is a little different with the seating arrangements because not everyone goes and the whole yard/prison has dinner at the same time. I did go with my Bunkie and two other dorm mates. As we entered, I looked around and said to myself, “This is more of a prison experience than the reception center” as I looked at the faces seated at the tables. We had to wait for our race’s table to become open and it only took a few moments. I made one of the dorm mates very happy because I gave away my chicken leg for spinach. By the way, my eating habits are a great ice breaker in prison and invariably, there are many people who want to sit at the same table as me and it’s not because they enjoy my company!
We finished dinner quickly, but this was all our decision which again is very different than the reception center where the CO’s dictated our eating time at dinner. Please don’t get me wrong, there are many CO’s around the perimeter of the prison and yard but they aren’t as visible and again I was amazed at the sheer number of inmates. Please remember, this is supposed to be one of the better prisons to serve time in the entire California Department of Corrections so maybe my expectations were a bit off.
As we made our way toward the dormitory I asked one of my dorm mates if this was the level 1 yard because I felt something was wrong. They answered, “No, this is level 2 yard.” Instantly it hit me, I was on a higher level yard then I should be which is why everything has felt a little more “serious”. My response to them was, “I have 8 points, why the hell am I on a level 2 yard?” They did tell me this was a combination of 1 and 2 with more 2’s as opposed to the other side where it is just a level 1. Fortunately, I haven’t freaked out (yet!) and the paranoia has not set in. I go to classification in one week where they will give me my proper status which is a level 1 and presumably should move me to the level 1 yard. I believe I can make it a week without freaking out and with being safe. Hopefully, I can chalk this up to an administrative mix-up which will be corrected very shortly. Of course, I cannot figure out how the only first timer out of all the inmates who were transferred - why I was the only one to get mixed-up. I understand due to the volume of inmates, mistakes do happen and everything does happen for a reason. I have been very fortunate thus far with my prison (not the county jail) housing assignments. I do believe they will only be temporary (very temporary) so there is no need to panic.
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