Happy Halloween 2008

I may have wanted to capitalize on the momentum of yesterday’s meetings but I had one of those “little of everything days” where no much was accomplished work-wise. I was very jazzed about the second meeting yesterday and also very jazzed about how my daughter bounced back in her softball game. Last night we decided to take advantage of a coupon the children received as part of their running in the school’s 5K race. This week was “Red Ribbon Week” at their elementary school and for some reason the school decided to celebrate this one week after the official Red Ribbon Week? Anyhow each day represented something as being drug free like Monday where they wore their clothes backwards or Tuesday where they wore their coolest sunglasses as shading out drugs. On Wednesday it was a real 5K race after school and each participant received a coupon to a local restaurant.

As most families and people in this economy our finances aren’t the greatest but there was cause for celebration and saving something on the meal did help. We had a very nice dinner as a family and it is very apparent this economy is in the toilet (sorry to be so blunt). In the Mexican restaurant were us and three other families that was it. There wasn’t anyone at the bar and for a Thursday evening it was dead to say the least. This didn’t affect our time or our meal as everything went very well.

This morning I was back at the gym for more running and there is no doubt I am addicted to running but as I read in the Cycling magazine this could be a good thing as long as it does not take over my life. That is what gambling did and things weren’t so good which lead to those horrible consequences but running a few times a week shouldn’t be harmful as long as I have balance in my life and today was full of balance from start to finish.

I did the little of everything today and was pretty much at home this afternoon as the children came home early. They had a half of day today and my wife still aren’t sure why they had the half day especially on Halloween when trick or treating doesn’t commence until early in the evening. However; they seemed to need the afternoon to just lounge around especially my daughter. I came home and stayed downstairs and I didn’t see my daughter until later on in the afternoon as she just stayed upstairs doing not much of anything saving her energy for trick or treating.

The time came for trick or treating and after two years of missing this holiday it was my turn to take the children out. My wife and I have had this tradition for as long as the children have been alive as one of us takes them out while the other stays home and doles out the candy for the trick or treaters. Of course my wife was so kind to let me go since I missed the last two years but I could tell she wanted to take the children as well. We have always toyed with the idea of just leaving the bowl of candy out and using the honor system. We haven’t done this but next year maybe the first because going out with the children was the way to be.

We live in a community filled with children and there are a few houses that decorate for this holiday along with one “haunted house”. The Haunted House was in our old neighborhood and right around the block from where we used to live. I have driven by and also rode my bicycle by the old house since we only live two blocks away but I haven’t taken the time to walk through the neighborhood until tonight. It seemed all the people trick or treating were in the neighborhood to see the Haunted House as the block was filled more than I remembered. It was also sad to see that so many houses were either vacate or just not participating in the holiday most like due to the economy.

We went out with very dear friends of ours which included “Rudy”. It is always good to see Rudy and he holds no grudge from the near death run I took him on a few months ago. We walked around our new block and headed over to the old neighborhood so the children could go through the Haunted House. Three of the four children walked through the Haunted House as my son didn’t want anything to do with it and was satisfy to stand on the street waiting for his sister and friends. Apparently the Haunted House was scary for the girls as I heard a few screams and they couldn’t stop talking when they emerged. It was good fun and we made our way to the old house to see how things changed. As fate would have it when the children rang that particular doorbell the door was cracked open only to hear, “we ran out of candy” and the door was closed.

No, we didn’t get a glimpse inside but I did see an old neighbor who was extremely nice and cordial. The evening was great and we reconvened at our dear friends’ house to take inventory of the evening’s goodies. The children made out very well collecting a little under 100 pieces of candy and smiles all around. It was a wonderful Halloween 2008 and I almost forgot to mention that my daughter was a football player and my son was “scream”. The photos are posted on my Facebook page.

Redemption

My daughter was already to redeem herself later this afternoon at her softball game. She seemed to take Tuesday’s “crying” session in stride and was willing to let it go. I do believe the session with the pitching coach helped tremendously and yes, later on today my daughter would get that chance of redemption. I had my doubts if I could make the game since I had a meeting set-up which conflicted with the game. This was one of those meetings where I didn’t have an idea how long would last and I did wish my daughter well this morning as she headed off to school.

This morning I altered the running schedule as the schedule called for the fourth successive day of running. This is a huge change over the two previous training routines where I hardly ever ran more than two days in a row. I decided to give this schedule a shot and the first three days went well and I probably could have run this morning; however; the high level intense program of running is on Wednesdays and I do need the day off after those days. My legs are feeling very good and I think this schedule is more beneficial. Instead of packing in many miles of running over 4 days I have gone to running 5 days a week adding a few more miles per week. Of course; I will assess the program one training session at a time.

I was better served taking the morning off and concentrating on the few meetings I had today. These were more in the realm of personal connections as opposed to meetings. A good friend of mine had set these meeting s up and I was very excited. Also; my wife’s prospective employer was involved in these meetings as well. Life is all about connecting and yes, due to my indiscretions I have “burned” a few bridges but a whole host of opportunities have opened up as I live my life in recovery. It is all because of recovery that I have these opportunities and without recovery I would be lost in so many ways.

I had a very good day with these “meetings” and yes, I believe they were more personal connections. In this crazy life of mine things do happen for a reason and the more I focus on recovery the more I realize this is very true in all aspects of my life. There is no question in my mind that recovery saves my life everyday and it also enhances my life as well. I am experiencing things now that I have never experienced in 43 years of life. I may have had similar types of experiences but I never really experienced those experiences. (Does that make sense??) I used to just “go through the motions” while being too concerned with my next bet and how I could hide my “secret life”. Thankfully that “secret life” has been obliterated and living life through honesty is the only way to go.

As the day progressed I received an unexpected invitation to a wedding on this coming Saturday. It had been a long time since my last wedding invitation. I think the last invitation was my brother-in-law some 3 ½ years ago and this particular invitation wasn’t the usual wedding. In fact; it was a testament to the Proposition 8 which is on the ballot out here in California trying to abolish same sex marriages. (There will be more on this later this week.) It was an unexpected invitation but the more I thought about it the more I should have expected it. The invitation came from a very good friend whom I have not known for a very long time yet I feel like we have known each other much longer. My wife and I were both invited and we did accept the wedding invitation.

The second meeting of today went as well or actually better than I ever expected. I was attempting to merge two parts of my world into a business deal. My professional and personal contacts did come together and everything went well. I was indeed surprised as to how well everything transpired and I do know there is a very long way to go before it is a “done deal” but this was a great first step and once again recovery plays an integral part of my life.

I couldn’t make the game as the meeting did conflict with the game; however; as the game ended my cell phone rang and it was my daughter with a full report. I knew it had to be good news since she was calling and yes, it was very good news. She did redeem herself and only gave up one run as she started the game. She only walked two batters and for the most part had a great inning pitching; her redemption was at hand!!! She was so excited and I could see the smile on her face as we talked. I was so happy for her and I had a very good idea she would redeem herself. My daughter is a very introspective person and does expect the best. I do wish she wouldn’t be so hard on herself but this is the way she has been it seems like since birth!! She was happy which always makes me happy and it was a wonderful day.

"Purple" Eye!

The “pitching clinic” was exactly what the doctor ordered for my daughter. It was a tough evening for her which did continue as we warmed up at the clinic. We were playing catch as a warm up and the third throw from me to my daughter the softball glanced off her glove and hit her directly under the eye. Yes, that is correct I threw the ball and I did throw it a little harder than I should have because my daughter does have a very good arm and throws the ball hard (overhand that is) and I was just trying to keep up with her. Unfortunately for my daughter she did get her glove on the ball which allowed the softball to hit her squarely underneath her left eye. I thought she was going to cry but I think she was all cried out from the game and just had a very sad face.

I went directly towards her as the ball bounced off her face. I did my best to make her laugh telling her she was really having a horrible day which brought a semi-smile to her face. It was only a semi-smile because she said that it hurt to smile and it did appear the eye was swelling and she would have a black eye in the morning. Oh yes, it was a bad day but this bad day was about to get much better as the pitching coach came over to my daughter.

The pitching coach was great with her and also with me. He watched her throw a few pitches and after the pitches he gave an assessment. Apparently according to the pitching coach my daughter is “fundamentally sound” in her pitching motion and made a few minor adjustments with her foot placement. After he made the adjustments my daughter made some excellent pitches which brought a pain ridden smile to her face!!! It was almost instantaneous as her mood was lifted even as her eye started to swell. It was wonderful to hear that she was doing just about everything correctly and the fact that practice does make perfect. The pitching coach told me it takes about 25,000 pitches to become comfortable pitching a softball and my daughter has about 24,500 more to go.

The evening was salvaged for my daughter and I could tell she couldn’t wait for her next game so she could redeem herself. The pitching coach also made a very astute observation about my daughter saying “she is always thinking which is a good thing.” She is always thinking and is very analytical in her approach to just about anything (I wonder where that came from!!) and the wheels in her brain were certainly in motion. It was good to see her mood had been lifted and she did go to sleep feeling much better than previously in the evening.

Today brought my son’s game which would be a precursor of things to come for him. He had been hitting the ball very well hitting in six consecutive at bats. This ended today as he struck out in his first at bat but singled in the next two before striking out in his last at bat. He did have a good game but his team did lose for the third time this season. The other team was hitting the ball more often than our team which is unusual and our team wasn’t making the plays. These days happen and my son’s great attitude continued. He is such a great child and such a happy child. I do hope he continues this wonderful attitude all his life and I would see this great attitude exemplified later on in the week.

The game ended and the season is ending completion as well. It has been a great season being with my son and getting to know the players and parents on his team. I am eternally grateful for the opportunity and I do cherish these entire moments one at a time. Also; I would be remiss to report that my daughter’s eye had swelled but instead of a black eye she had more of purple eye instead. She did wear sunglasses to school hiding the eye but during her “share” she did recount the story of the game of catch with her Dad that caused the purple eye. I think she told this story for the benefit of her teacher who was quite the baseball player in his day and he was very impressed with the story.

Oh There is Crying in Softball!!!

Since I am so far behind I will go with the condensed version of events over the week broken down by days. I’m not sure how much longer I can continue and I am contemplating just going down to a weekly recap or as needed. I have enjoyed my writing over the past three years and especially as I served my sentence. Life is proceeding very well and there is that finite amount of time in each day. I do my very best to enjoy each and every day as it arrives and I am also doing my best to prioritize. Writing has taken a back seat to being with my family and with all the activities of the children and getting more involved I am better served to catch up on the writing during the weekends. The weekends are filled with family events and some unexpected very nice events (that is a preview for this weekend) so writing also takes a back seat. I am here a few days after these events have taken place but I do need to log those events because the last week has been very interesting to say the very least!!

Today being Tuesday brought my daughter’s softball game to the forefront. Yesterday my son had his practice and everything seemed to go very well and yes, all our days seemed to be filled with some type of activity for the children. I don’t know how people who have “real” 9 to 5 jobs (but then again does anyone have these types of jobs anymore?) get their children to and from their events. My job is very flexible and as long as I get the job I can determine my own schedule. This can have me working late in the evenings or early in the morning or on the weekends but it also allows me to be able to be with our children during their events. That is a big priority in my life because I know how temporary everything is and enjoying/savoring these moments means the world to me.

Yes, my daughter’s softball game commenced today and it was a rough one for my daughter. She has been improving all season and the once timid/uncertain softball player has emerged into someone who portrayed confidence. This confidence suffered a setback with today’s game. My daughter has expressed interest in pitching all season long and has become the team’s fourth pitcher. Over the season she has done very well especially compared to her teammates. However; today it was one of those very down days for my daughter. Her regular coach was not at the game for reasons that I won’t go into since it is very trite what happened and what lead to the suspension. Yes, even in 10 and under girls softball coaches get suspended for trivial reasons all because there is a person who exhibits negative energy.

Anyhow the regular coach was not at the game which marked the first time the assistant coach was in charge of the team. The assistant coach has a much difference philosophy than the head coach and my wife and I much rather prefer the head coach. I understand competition and the need to win but at what cost and having girls under the age of 10 who are just learning the game who doesn’t really understand the game of softball “win at all costs” is ridiculous. The girls were only interested in having fun and this is what the head coach had espoused all season so with the change of coaches came the change in philosophy. My daughter unfortunately got caught in between this change of philosophy during a very bad day for her.

My daughter started the second inning as the pitcher which was unusual because she has started the game for the head coach. The reason for this was the fact that in the first inning the opposing team is limited to four runs and with my daughter’s team ahead by 5 runs in the second inning the opposing team could get 9 runs before the inning had to end. This opened up a larger margin of error and my daughter had such a difficult time throwing strikes she had to be taken out during the inning. This was also a philosophy change from the head coach who does not believe in taking a player out during the inning because it just demoralizes the player. My daughter was demoralized and she was not angry with the assistant coach she was very angry with herself. She had to come out of the game because she was crying uncontrollable. My daughter takes things so hard and as she came out I went to her and did my best to console her but nothing I said could dissuade her tears. It was a very difficult game for her; however; I think it was a great learning experience. She finally calmed down after a few innings but she was allowed to stew on the bench not getting back into the game and getting back into the flow.

The game ended and her team had lost by one run with my daughter going 0 for 1 while walking once. I took the time to talk with her during and after the game. The best part came when we got home and decided to go to the pitching clinic that is offered every Tuesday evening. We had not taken part in this clinic all season long because it starts at 8:00 pm and with all the homework my daughter has getting there has been difficult. However; tonight was the perfect night and her spirits were lifted tremendously during this one hour session. I will write more tomorrow, thanks!!!

Process of Reinventing

The days, weeks, months and years do surely pass soon enough. Life moves at light speed out here in the free world. I have fallen behind once again in my postings because life does move so quickly. Here it is the end of the week and I am writing about the beginning of the week. In the previous postings I have been able to recount the events of days gone by but now these days are blurring by at that light speed. There have been some interesting events over the past few days and I will do my best to recapture those events in words.

Today is the first day of the work week and incidentally the first day of my training session as I ready for a marathon in January. I still haven’t decided where I will run that marathon in Phoenix or here in Southern California. A very good friend has made a very generous offer to house us during the marathon in Phoenix at their home. This is once again a testament to the incredible program of Gamblers Anonymous. I met this very good friend over three years ago as I entered GA and the two of us had an instant connection. One of the many wonderful things about GA is the relationships made the fact that people do recover no matter the circumstances. I have witnessed so many of these miracles and not only do these miracles provide hope they provide strength. I continue to be forever grateful to the program and the magnificent people.

Yes, I started the new training program which now has me running five days a week as my mileage has been increased. The early stages are just a repeat of what I have been doing over the past few months but it does progress more intensely. This morning was a relatively easy day and the run went well. I’m not sure how the five day a week regime will work out but as I have learned I will take things one day at a time. This day was very good and a great way to start the week.

I had many things to do today and I really want to get into a routine. The routine would have me at home today and every Monday setting up the week. However; things do change and I do what is required which means I do what I am told. I have been tasked as a quasi advertising manager which is a great change of pace for someone who has basically “crunch numbers” my entire career. I was asked by a colleague who knows my background how I am adjusting to life as a marketer as opposed to a “bean counter”. I went into the fact that I have thought of myself as the atypical accountant where I am able to speak with people and don’t mind speaking with people. However; with that stated I do find a difference between talking to people and marketing to people. I do my best to be consistent and I certainly don’t mind the challenge.

I realize I need to “reinvent” myself due to my past and thankfully I have a huge support network. This support network does include GA and the fantastic people I continue to meet in this network. I made one of the best decisions in my life when I entered that Gamblers Anonymous meeting over three years ago. There was a great deal of uncertainty back then but now this uncertainty has turned into gratitude and new much better way to live. This “reinvention” will be a process and I am know will change as the days go by; however; I will continue to enjoy the journey.

Those Precious Little Moments

Last night was a rarity and I’m not sure when the last time this had occurred. My wife and son were out at religious training as my son prepares for his sacrament. I think the sacrament is a “reconciliation” which precedes communion sometime next year. I won’t go into the whole “communion” party debate because I am sure that will come in time. Anyhow my wife and son were out which left my daughter and me at home together. The rarity occurred when my daughter returned home from the birthday party and we sat and watched the World Series game together. I think the last time it was just the two of us watching a baseball game was 10 years ago as Mark McGuire set the then home run record hitting his 62nd home run while my daughter and I watched.

My daughter is a little bigger than she was 10 years ago because back then she was cradled in my arms; however; my 10 year old daughter cuddled up next to me and watched the game. She stated that she didn’t want to go upstairs and leave me alone. She wanted to stay and she was quite comfortable. My daughter did display some interest in the game and I do believe baseball is a game that it takes time to understand. In this day and age of the Blackberry, texting, PlayStation, email and all the instant gratification the watching of a baseball game does not mesh. Baseball is a game of patience and it is so much more than throwing or catching. I did my best to educate my daughter on the nuances in the game and she seemed genuinely interested.

I couldn’t help but to think back to that time 10 years ago with my 7 month old in my arms watching the baseball game. I don’t believe I had a wager on that particular game but I am sure I had wagers on other games. However; it was a small moment and a very special moment. The moment wasn’t special because of the record setting home run it was special because I was with my daughter. The same happened last night; it didn’t matter that the World Series was on; what matter was my daughter was by my side and we were sharing time together.

This morning was an atypical Sunday because previous Sundays have been family days. The family day would have to wait until I helped a very good friend move. This friend had helped me move back in July and the least I could do was return the favor. I was able to make breakfast for the family prior to departing and these are the little things that I have missed so much. Standing in front of the stove making pancakes for everyone does have meaning and watching my son eat the “healthy” pancakes (yes, I make the pancakes with soymilk and egg whites unbeknownst to my son and daughter) brings a smile. This is all I needed this morning as I headed out the door to help my friend move.

Unlike when my friend assisted me with my move this friend had far fewer items to move. There were only two dressers, boxes and some miscellaneous items to move. The move went smoothly until we made our way to the storage facility where we had to wait 30 minutes to have someone reset my friend’s access code. Once this was completed it was a very smooth move and my friend had much more help than I did when I move. There were three other people to assist and this made things easier. The dressers were heavy because the drawers did not come out but the dressers were moved without incident.

This friend was supposed to be our “border” starting next week but had decided to move somewhere else. This was okay by me and although we can use the extra money I completely understood. I prefer to support people in their decisions even though I may have some issues because ultimately everyone has to learn on their own. Anyhow I won’t mention any of that I am genuinely happy for my friend as they search for happiness of their own.

The move was over and I returned home where we had planned to complete the cleaning out of the garage. Since we had the garage sale yesterday it only made sense to continue the quest of getting rid of the junk in the garage. It did take some time but as the hour approached for the Gamblers Anonymous meeting I had completed my part. It became a tricky time because I really wanted to go to the GA meeting as a very good member was celebrating their 6th year associated with GA. I could tell my wife really didn’t want me to go but was very reluctant to tell me her true feelings. After some consternation my wife did confide in me that she didn’t want me to go; however; I needed and wanted to go which my wife certainly understood.

I made my way to the GA meeting for the birthday celebration. This was a celebration for one of those members who truly gets the program and is a success in many facet of their life. This member is a very successful businessman and someone who was very instrumental in my recovery as I first entered the program. This member truly draws the balance between, family, work and GA very well. We have members who are dedicated to the program and I love these members dearly; however; I think the true intention of the program is to lead a balanced life.

I know my life has been out of balance for so long and when I first entered the program I needed and wanted to go to so many meetings. Thankfully now in recovery I understand that I have to achieve a balance in my life which is why I have scaled back the meetings. The member celebrating tonight also understands this balance and is a great asset to the program. I was so glad I attended because not only was it a celebration; there were three relatively new members in attendance as well. It was a great meeting and I continue to be forever grateful to the program and the amazing members.

"It's not junk it's 50 cents!"

I finally “made” the time to call my sponsor last night. Yes, I “made” the time as opposed to “finding” the time since there is a finite amount of time each day available to me and everyone for that matter. I have always marveled at people who would blame their inability to exercise (along with other things) on not being able to “find” the time. The one thing that is consistent in this crazy thing called life is time. There is only 24 hours and most years have 365 days but in that “off” fourth year there are 366 days in a year. In my opinion the time is always there and it is up to me what I do with that time so “finding” the time is not a very good excuse which is why I prefer to make the best of the time that has been given.

I had a very nice conversation with my sponsor as we covered a whole myriad of topics from politics to sports to recovery (of course). My sponsor has been associated with Gamblers Anonymous for the past 18 plus years. Although we are no longer in the same state I still feel close and have such a strong bond. He was there for me in that court room when no one was there in the early stages. I had only known him for a few weeks yet on that Friday afternoon there he was at the back of the courtroom lending support. As I progressed through my sentence there was the weekly letter which was a life line along with a Godsend for me. I have always enjoyed his “sharing” at meetings because he so understands recovery and the GA Program. It wasn’t a coincidence that I sat across the table from him on my very first meeting over three years ago.

The very good conversation ended and I didn’t do much of anything else last night. I fussed around on Facebook uploading some photos and if anyone is interested the photos can be found at http://www.facebook.com/home.php. I remember a very dear friend telling me about Facebook as I served my sentence and I had no idea what they were talking about. However; now I completely understand and think it is a wonderful way to keep in touch with people from long ago and not so long ago. I have something like 28 friends which is a combination of current friends, lost friends and people in high school I haven’t seen in 25 years. The internet is a powerful tool and if used correctly can be a very valuable resource. Anyhow I uploaded the photos and perused some of my “friends” profiles.

It really is hard to believe that 25 years has passed since I graduated high school and equally hard to believe that 22 years ago today my sister got married; happy anniversary!!! I remember that wedding oh so well because it was Game Six of the World Series between the Boston Red Sox and the New York Mets. That was the infamous “Bill Buckner Game” where the Mets made an improbable comeback to win the game.

I watched that with my wife (who was my girlfriend at the time) along with two friends of my sister’s one was born in Boston. As the baseball went under the glove of Bill Buckner allowing the winning run to score I will never forget the look on that person’s face. It is funny how there are some things in life I can recall to a tee while there are other things I have no idea. I can say that during that game I didn’t have a wager placed because it was my first self imposed abstinence from gambling so that maybe a reason why I can recall those events so vividly.

This morning there weren’t any early games as my daughter actually had a Saturday off from softball and my son’s game wasn’t until later on in the afternoon. However; instead of sleeping in we were all up very early for the eagerly anticipated garage sale. The last garage sale we had was over 2 years ago as we packed up the house and the family headed east while I headed “inside”. We still had so much stuff which is really junk but I found out that one family’s junk is worth 50 cents to most anyone else!!! This seemed to the going price for our stuff and my goal was to get rid of as much stuff as possible. Well we sold over $200 worth of this junk which was much less than last time but really there weren’t any big dollar items. The highest value belonged to a motorized motorcycle which went for a hefty $10!!!

I was amazed as the people kept arriving in droves and one person bought $20 worth of old clothes which had belonged to my wife. We didn’t have any baby items as they went at the previous garage sale over two years ago so really we did well and cleared some more room in the garage. We still have more junk for another garage sale but the “shoppers” slowed down and it was time to call it a day. I think we accomplished what we set out to do which was to rid the garage of the stuff!!!

As the garage sale finished my son and I got ready for his baseball game. My wife had to stay home in order to take our daughter to a birthday party. It only made sense for just us to go to the game while the “girls” remained home. We made our way to the field and the game went very well. My son reached base three times in his four at bats.

I did notice a change in his batting stance as his front (left) elbow was elevated as he swung causing the baseball to go to the right side. These were hits nonetheless and I didn’t want to confuse him so we talked about this after the game. My son is so good and listened intently; I am sure he will make the proper adjustments. Also during the game my son made a very good play as he threw a runner out at second base from his centerfield position. His team was victorious and I think it was their best game of the season.

Productive Friday

A rare “free” night occurred last night as there weren’t any games scheduled. The seasons are ending in the next two weeks and my daughter’s softball team does have a season ending tournament which has created a bit of reprieve this week for the team. They don’t have a Saturday game this week for the first time this season and there is a week in between games from this week to next. My son’s schedule remains the same with practice on Monday, and games on Wednesday and Saturday. There wasn’t much on tap last night but for some reason the evening went by so quickly. I no longer watch any programs at their regularly scheduled times because I am spoiled with the DVR and the hour programs can be dispensed in less than 45 minutes. I don’t have anything to report about last night other than we spend a great deal of time doing homework.

I have been tasked with correctly my daughter’s math homework and we require outside assistance with her Language Arts (this was called “English” when I was in school but I guess that is not a politically correct subject header today). Thankfully we have a very skilled “Language Arts” person in the family; my mother who taught for over 30 years and really enjoys this subject. This never rubbed off on me because I have long had a difficult time congregating any sentence let alone knowing what the past participle was!!! Grandma the Language Arts master is only a telephone call away and is very happy to lend any assistance. My daughter called and was instructed on the proper terms; thankfully.

I must say that the math homework does take time to correct and is getting increasingly more difficult. I have to read the passages on figuring angles since geometry was my least favorite math subject and I fear my daughter taking algebra since that was my second least favorite subject. There is math and there is geometry and algebra which aren’t math in my opinion. Anyhow I have no problems with percentages and word problems so I guess I am good until 7th grade!!! My daughter understands the concepts very well but makes very silly mistakes and every time I point out these mistakes she instantly corrects them. My son is a different learner than my daughter and does require further help for reading which I think is wonderful. I can see an improvement already and I am sure he will be on task by the end of the year.

The evening had ended and it was time for bed. This morning I had a health fair to attend which would be my second health fair in my new position. This health fair was local and I had plenty of time to get in a workout at the gym. Today was the last day of my hiatus from training as I would take the weekend off and hit the ground running on Monday. Today I did some hill training and I am astounded that I can get a more intense workout from running slower. Hills are difficult and I can’t go as fast so the workout because more intense which is good. I had that good workout and was off to the office to pick-up the materials for the health fair.

I did pick-up the materials and headed over to the health fair. This health fair was much better than the previous and this time I had a “give-away”. I didn’t want to be the “white elephant in the room” since not many employees want to visit the “addiction recovery” booth but everyone wants a giveaway. A few weeks ago I purchased over 5,000 caribeners (think advanced key chain) with our hotline telephone number along with our website. These were a big hit and with it I was able to hand out some brochures. Everything was well received and I was running low on the caribeners so I called my wife to bring more and when she arrived she walked through the health fair with her good friend.

The health fair was complete with many giveaways and free food which served as lunch for my wife and her dear friend. The health fair was outside and even though it is the latter stages of October the temperature read over 95 degrees. I didn’t have much shade to work with and yes, I was even feeling the heat but the time passed very quickly. I would say the health fair was a success since one person asked me the question, “how do you know if you have a drinking problem?” My response was, “if you think you have a problem you have a problem”. I then received a big sigh and a “oh no!” The conversation went from there and I have no idea if I made any headway but at least there was dialogue which is hopefully better than nothing. It was also great having my wife there for an hour. This was a very productive day through and through.

Snuggling Son

I have admittedly been taking it easy this week from exercising as I am in between training sessions. Each night I lay out my clothes for the next day which has been a ritual of mine for a very long time. Even while I served my term I continued this ritual laying out clothes (albeit the clothes didn’t vary much!) each evening in preparation of the morning. Being at fire camp brought this ritual full force as I would head out the door for the very early morning workout.

I didn’t take many days off from working out because I just didn’t want to but now back in the free world I have a good indication on the days when I will and when I won’t workout. Last night I laid out my clothes knowing full well I wouldn’t be going off to the gym yet I still had picked out my workout clothes. I guess this was just in case I had changed my mind. No, I didn’t change my mind and really I enjoy when my son makes his way into our bed where he snuggles for about an hour and a half before it is time to start the day. This is the epitome of my life having my son climb into bed with his big beautiful bright smile and falling back to sleep within minutes. I don’t sleep much during this period because I just love watching my son and my wife sleep, life is great!!!

I had an appointment scheduled this morning for some possible referrals. This is a bulk of what I actually do and I must admit it is very slow going. I am building relationships one at a time and I am sure it will all come together at some point but for now it is going a little slow. Thankfully I work for someone who understands the process and the only pressure I have is the pressure I put on myself which really isn’t very much. There is a process and I do need to be more diligent in this process which means I need to get on the stick!!

Everyone was off to school and I made my way to my appointment which was about 50 miles away. Usually this trip can take up to two hours because of the traffic so I took this into consideration when I made the appointment. It was off peak traffic time and I made the trip in little less than an hour. I arrived early just in case there was traffic so I stayed in the car listening to the radio. I have become a fan of public radio listening to National Public Radio which gives an unbiased view of the news and the day’s events. I never listened to NPR before going to prison and my discussions with my roommate lead me to find NPR. Go figure I went to prison and after started listening to public radio; I wonder how many former inmates can make this statement??

As I listened was discussion on Proposition 8 the same sex marriage proposition between a person supporting and one against. As a refresher if a person supports this proposition they are AGAINST same sex marriage and thus a person against this proposition is FOR same sex marriage. I think it is fairly obvious where I stand on this proposition but it was very interesting listening to the two sides. One side had very little substance in their argument while the other side didn’t need to say much. The point of having same sex marriage being taught in the schools was brought up and the fact that this may happen with or without the passage of this proposition. One caller stated they were adamantly opposed and their point was on moral grounds. I believe once we as a society start to police morals we are in big trouble because after wasn’t this country founded on the principle of freedom? Anyhow this was interesting and I still don’t understand the big deal, oh well.

I made my way into the appointment and I was escorted through an addiction treatment center for both adolescents as young as 12 and adults. It is so sad to see someone so young addicted to a substance and this substance happened to be drugs. I know there are so many stories behind how these young people get to this stage and all of those stories are heartbreaking. The facility I work for does not have inpatient treatment for adolescents but we do outpatient treatment. The liability issues for the adolescents are quite rigorous and I can see why.

The tour didn’t take very long and it wasn’t the best setting for recovery; however; it does serve a very good purpose; people helping people recover from a terrible addiction. The exchange of information was made at the end of the tour and hopefully we can develop a very good working relationship. I departed and headed back home where I passed the time talking to my mother who was over my sister’s house celebrating my niece’s birthday.

My niece turned 18 today and oh my where has that time gone. I remember visiting her in the hospital back in Pennsylvania the day she was born. That day it was myself, my wife (who was my girlfriend at the time), my mother and grandmother making our way from New Jersey to Pennsylvania where my sister resided back then. My niece will be graduating high school this year and headed off to college; Happy Birthday!!!

"Student of the Month" 2008

The games were over and all of us reconvened at home for dinner. I guess we can call these meals dinner since they occur at dinner time but with all the activities getting sustenance is the main thing!!! My son is always famished and my daughter is always something less than famished so between the two of them lays one normal child! Only joking but their eating habits are very different in terms of how much they eat but quite similar in the quality or lack thereof. Anyhow dinner was had and homework finished which left enough time for a sorry before the children retired for the evening. This is all part of the acceleration of time and any plans I have in the evening always seem to fall by the wayside.

Ever since I was release over 7 ½ months ago I have communicated with my sponsor at least weekly. Usually these conversations take place over the weekend but ever since my family has returned the frequency of these conversations have tapered. I have turned to the email as part of our communication and I have tried (not very well by the way!) to set aside some time in the evening to make the simple phone call but there always seems to be something.

Thankfully email is a way to correspond and my sponsor appears to understand. I owe so much to my sponsor who has now moved away to another state and lives in a different time zone. I had no idea an hour ahead actually makes a difference but with the way these evenings fly by the hour does make a difference. Okay I am just making excuses and I will do better over the coming weeks.

As I mentioned my sponsor has been there for me ever since day one when I entered Gamblers Anonymous. He sat across from me at that first meeting and I will never forget the genuine empathy and sympathy I felt as I told my story. Now three plus years later things have changed but the premise remains the same; recovery. My sponsor continues to help me and so many others who walk into the rooms. I can only hope to be half as helpful as my sponsor has been to me; I am surrounded with incredible people and my sponsor is certainly one of them.

This morning I attempted and accomplished something different; getting to the gym like I used to; very early. I needed to get there because there was a very special ceremony I needed to attend. I made my way to the gym at the very early hour and returned to running. I have heard people getting burned out from running or any other exercise but I am far from being burnt at and finding out the other day that I only missed qualifying for the Boston Marathon by one minute and thirty seconds. I thought the qualifying time for the Boston Marathon was 3:20 and below; it is not it is 3:20:59 and below. My official finishing time was 3:22:36 so I am there. I have printed out another training schedule and will attempt to qualify for the Boston Marathon in January either in Phoenix or here in Southern California.

I returned home in time to get everyone out of bed and make our way to school as a family. Yes, everyone went to school this morning because there was a special event about to take place. Earlier this week my wife received a telephone call from my son’s teacher informing her that my son was selected as “Student of the Month” for his “Outstanding Citizenship”. This was a surprise to my son and we kissed him good bye but made our way to the auditorium for the ceremony. We sat in the rear and most of the second grade classes were in attendance; each class had their own “Students of the Month”.

First up was my son’s class and his teacher announced the awards. My son did earn Student of the Month for his Citizenship and his teacher stated that my son is known for his honesty, congeniality and big smile. This was wonderful to hear and my son was so proud showing off his big beautiful smile. I remember being in attendance some three year s ago when my daughter earned a similar award in her second grade class. The school does such a wonderful job making school fun and it was such a fun event even the children who didn’t earn awards were very interested in the entire ceremony.

I was able to take a few photos commemorating the experience and I won’t soon forget (probably never!!) the look on my son’s face because he was so happy. He showed us the certificate and let us know how proud he was. He was able to select his own dinner as a reward and I would like to say my wife and I suggested this but the suggestion came from my son. He chose spaghetti because he had a homework assignment which required him to use chopsticks and my son thought eating spaghetti would be easy with the chopsticks. He was correct eating two bowls of spaghetti without any problems. He is a tornado when he eats with regular utensils so the chopsticks weren’t any worse and may have been even better with less mess!!! Yes, it was a very special day filled with very special moments and thank God I was able to take them all in.

Happy Birthday Sis!!!! Don't worry it is just a number and life does improve with each passing year!!

Conflicting Games

I received such a nice email earlier today from a dear friend in Gamblers Anonymous regarding yesterday’s post. The world would be a much nicer place if everyone were associated with a 12 Step Program because this program believes in three of the core values of a wonderful life; honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. I think I can throw in their from my experience acceptance, tolerance, patience and having a positive state of being. As I mentioned yesterday I do my best to open my mind to all sides yet my mind seemed to have been closed to an opposing view because I just don’t understand. This is where the “Serenity Prayer” comes into play for me because these are the things I cannot control like the thinking of others. I can only “control” what is inside of me and thankfully through recovery I continue to have an awakening each and every day.

Life is moving right along and here it is another Tuesday as the year is about to be closed out. Is it really almost the end of October? Time does fly when you are having fun and I can say from experience it also moves fairly quickly when you are not having so much fun!!!

The weather out here in sunny Southern California is very typical for the latter portion of October where shorts are needed during the day while an extra blanket helps in the evening. I believe the temperature fluctuates between 40 degrees from the high during the day to the low in the evening. This is quite a dramatic swing and really an air conditioner can be needed during the day and conceivably the heat can run in the evening. We refrain from either of these in our households due to the cost and I have decreed that the heat won’t go on until one day in January!! I may amend this as the price of oil continues to fall and fortunately we have natural gas as our heating component. I guess there is one silver lining to this economic crisis the cost of gasoline has fallen dramatically; however; even at $3 a gallon it really is no bargain just part of the conditioning!!!

I have gotten into “Heroes” and have obliged my wife by adding another television show to my viewing schedule. The other show is “Raising the Bar” which airs on TNT also on Monday evenings. It is yet another legal drama but I do enjoy the shows thus far but there are scenes when they are in the local jail that hit too close to home for me. I don’t understand why everyone wears “street clothes” because that wasn’t my experience; everyone was in a wonderful hue of orange!!!

“Heroes” is pure imagination and I have stopped trying to figure out where the show is going since I have no idea. It seems the proverbial “Pandora’s Box” has opened up and all Hell is breaking loose. Good is bad and bad is bad along with some bad being good, got it??? I certainly don’t but it does keep it interesting. As far as the other televisions programs and believe me my wife watches many of them; I have no opinion. I gave “Life on Mars” a shot and although it is a wonderfully crafted show it is yet another “cop drama” with the hook that it is staged in 1973. It is cool noticing how far we have come as a society in 35 years and seeing 8 track tapes is quite a kick along with all the non-technology that existed such as the rotary telephone.

This evening represented a conflict in the baseball/softball schedule. My daughter had a game and my son had a game at virtually the same time about 5 miles apart. This meant I would take my son to his game and my wife would take our daughter to her game. This has happened in the past and really I don’t like missing any of their games but since I am a coach on my son’s game I am obligated to be there. It is not an obligation it is a pleasure to be able to help out with my son’s game and I am eternally grateful.

My son’s team seems to have stumbled because tonight they lost their second game of the season. It was apparent the other team was much better coached and prepared for the game. Their players had improved dramatically from the first time we played. They were making plays that in the past were hits but last night these were outs. Our team didn’t play so well and fell behind 11-1 but their bats woke up and cut the deficit to 11-10. The final tally was 14-10 and my son once again played very well. He went 2 for 4 but he hit the ball all four times. He grounded out to the shortstop which is normally a hit but the opposing team’s shortstop was very good making this a routine play. My son did smack to hits into the outfield and made a great play as the catcher. He took the team’s loss in stride and maintains his wonderful attitude.

When we got home we received a report about my daughter’s game. They lost but there seemed to be some controversy. Apparently the team they faced had the coach which is always surrounded in some type of controversy. I am a huge proponent of what you put out is what you get back and this coach has such a tremendous amount of negative energy that these types of things continue to happen. I don’t know the details about the controversy but it appears winning at all costs is part of this coach’s mantra which is all I can say. My daughter went 0 for 1; striking out and walking. She seemed to be a bit off of her game but she did make a play at shortstop. Peaking ahead at the schedule there is only two weeks remaining in the season and one more conflicting date where both of our children play at the same time. This is a wonderful way to spend part of the evening and everyone had a great day!!!

Defining "Normal"

“Normal” now there is a word I have heard so many times and especially in the past few weeks. What is “normal”? Normal is defined by dictionary.com as follows;

1. conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.

2. serving to establish a standard.

3.Psychology.
a. approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment.
b. free from any mental disorder; sane.

4. Biology, Medicine/Medical.
a. free from any infection or other form of disease or malformation, or from experimental therapy or manipulation.
b. of natural occurrence.

5. Mathematics.
a. being at right angles, as a line; perpendicular.
b. of the nature of or pertaining to a mathematical normal.
c. (of an orthogonal system of real functions) defined so that the integral of the square of the absolute value of any function is 1.
d. (of a topological space) having the property that corresponding to every pair of disjoint closed sets are two disjoint open sets, each containing one of the closed sets.
e. (of a subgroup) having the property that the same set of elements results when all the elements of the subgroup are operated on consistently on the left and consistently on the right by any element of the group; invariant.

6. Chemistry.
a. (of a solution) containing one equivalent weight of the constituent in question in one liter of solution.
b.pertaining to an aliphatic hydrocarbon having a straight unbranched carbon chain, each carbon atom of which is joined to no more than two other carbon atoms.
c.of or pertaining to a neutral salt in which any replaceable hydroxyl groups or hydrogen atoms have been replaced by other groups or atoms, as sodium sulfate, Na2SO4.

–noun
7. the average or mean: Production may fall below normal.

8 the standard or type.

9. Mathematics.
a. a perpendicular line or plane, esp. one perpendicular to a tangent line of a curve, or a tangent plane of a surface, at the point of contact.
b. the portion of this perpendicular line included between its point of contact with the curve and the x-axis.

Okay I had no idea the definition was that long so please forgive me. I will focus on the first definition in number 1 because it seems to be the simplest. “Conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.” This makes sense and in Gamblers Anonymous we offer talk about gambling like “normal” people or being able to gamble “normally”. However; it is certain in my mind that my “normal” is very different than that “standard” which applies to most of the world’s population. With this stated I have had a difficult time understand the world “normal” over the past few years. In California (which is where I reside) one of the propositions on the ballot is the abolishing of same sex marriage or as it is commonly known as “Proposition 8”. I have been searching for the reason why this has become such a hot issue and for the life of me I can’t seem to understand why.

I am prohibited from voting in the upcoming election because of my status as a parolee; thankfully I get back my voting rights when my parole is complete in March of next year. However; I am still very much interested in the election and the entire proposition associate and if I were to vote I do have an idea as to which levers I would pull. I had a conversation with a very dear friend about this Proposition 8 and the word “normal” seemed to come into play. When “normal” comes into to play it is very hard to formulate an argument. I have thought more about this and I do believe it has a great deal to do with “conditioning” than anything else.

I have been conditioned in many facets of my life and now thankfully I am conditioning myself into a life of recovery. This is a wonderful life and I am eternally grateful. How does this correspond with Proposition 8 I’m not really sure but I will try to make a point. I believe “normal” can change over the course of a lifetime as I am getting used to an incredible new normal. It is possible that people are threatened with the proposal contained in Proposition 8 which could create a whole set of conditions. Frankly I don’t see the problem with this and I don’t believe it would lead to ruination of our society.

Maybe spending 19 ½ months away from the free society has caused me to have liberal leanings but I try to have an open mind; for the life of me I can’t see the other side or the potential alleged harm all of this would cause. If same sex marriage is taught in the schools so be it maybe our conditioning will change from fear to acceptance. Acceptance is a much better way to live than living a life in fear.

I am off of my soapbox!!! I had a very good day today which started out with a very good 8 mile run. Yes, I was back running after taking one week off. The run felt great and next week will commence the training program for my 8th marathon either in Phoenix or here in Southern California. I am blessed to be able to have these options available and my life continues to get better and better with each passing day.

Hearing the "Other Side"

Yesterday seemed more extended than usual because my daughter’s game was delayed and we didn’t arrive home until the middle of the afternoon. This did make for a long day since we departed the house very early in the morning. This was “crash” time for everyone as my wife and I watched a movie (Michael Clayton) and the children were upstairs watching their own movie (Sandlot). This capped off a very good Saturday and my daughter even had enough energy to entertain one of her friends. I have come to notice that my daughter and her friends are much less maintenance than her brother and his friends for a variety of reasons. One is very simple the whole difference between boys and girls especially at the ages of 7 and 10 respectively. The girls play so nicely while the boys have the whole “testosterone” thing happening which causes them to not sit still for long periods of time.

The boys are non-stop where the girls are hard to notice. I will say it is much easier with friends over to entertain one another and my daughter had a great time with her friend. The evening went by so quickly and we stayed up much later than usual to catch the Saturday Night Live appearance of Sarah Palin. It was funny and I think the whole presidential race has revived the long standing comedic franchise. Mrs. Palin was a great sport for appearing on the show and I laughed.

The morning came quickly and it was a somewhat relaxing Sunday. Our supplies have dwindled so we were due a Costco run. This is always a costly endeavor; however; a necessary endeavor. Prior to the Costco jaunt I fussed around with my IPod finally formatting it properly. I had to clean-up my library which was a combination of my daughter’s music and mine. Since I don’t know who half the artists were it made sense to setup her own account. I figured out what I needed to do and had setup my daughter about a week ago on the family’s computer. Now we have two distinct accounts which works better for everyone.

I was trying to format the IPod for my running and I have a little too many slow moving songs and since one of my favorite artist’s is Bruce Springsteen which doesn’t lend itself to fast moving songs. Anyhow I figured out the whole “playlist” thing and have playlists for running. I do need to solve the earphone dilemma but for the time being I can wear the headphones when not moving. All of this took up most of the morning and I kept to myself as the rest of the family was having religious studies.

My wife thought it would make sense to home school the children for their religious education and this does make very good sense. We are constantly going during the week and adding another destination did not make sense especially when an alternative was available. My wife took advantage of this alternative and all is going well. I even helped my son and it really is all about the love of God which I believe is in every person. I will leave it at that!!!

The Costco run happened and we were very fortunate our dear friends took the children while we went shopping. This certainly helps in navigating the store much quicker and we move fairly quickly through the store. Oh yes, it was a costly endeavor and I remember the days when the cart was full costing around $200 now this has doubled. We didn’t buy any unnecessary items yet it was painful seeing the numbers at the register. Oh well at least we only go every 2 ½ months or so since we would really be out of money if we went more often!!

We arrived home in time so I could make the Sunday Evening Gamblers Anonymous meeting. This is my “committed” meeting and I was a little disappointed by the attendance; however; there was a person at the meeting I needed to hear. This person has been in and out of the program over the entire time I have been associated with the program yet haven’t exactly embraced the principles of the program. It is something I needed because this was the “other side” and don’t want to ever go back to the “other side”.

I know there is nothing good that can come of my gambling yet I needed to be reminded since my ego has a tendency to forget. Hearing the woes this member faced made me so grateful for the program and my recovery. There are people who struggle which are so unfortunate and in my mind I don’t believe it has to be this difficult. It took me a very long time to find the GA room and there have been some horrible consequences caused by my compulsive gambling. However; thankfully my life gets better with each passing day as I embrace recovery. I can only hope this person and those like this person understand the incredible value of GA because it continues to save my life.

Nobody Made an Out!!

Earlier in the week there was one of those potentially frightening moments. Thankfully in recovery I have come to admire the value of taking those moments one at a time and knowing everything no matter the outcome will work out for the very best. I filed the moment away but I did think about during the week. This did have to do with something that means a great deal to me. I do my best to simplify things in life and I know there are many small seeming inconsequential moments but those small inconsequential moments mean the world to me. This was no inconsequential moment nor was it small in any way, shape or form.

The things I value most are my family, my recovery and my friends; when one of these has a potential problem I can’t help but to be concerned. I hesitate to use the word worry because that is something I do my best to avoid since there is no good that can come of worrying. Worry is usually caused by events outside of my control so it makes no sense to worry about those things that I cannot change. However; this does not preclude me from being concerned. I wasn’t overly concerned but concerned nonetheless. All of this was dispelled yesterday and it was much ado about nothing. It was something we needed addressed and thankfully it is just part of growing up.

This morning I found myself at the gym very early before the day’s activities commenced. I didn’t have a long run schedule; in fact I stood by my word and took the week off from running. Instead of running I was in the gym at the early hour working out my core and riding the recumbent bicycle. Prior to training for marathons I would ride this apparatus exclusively. This is when I thought I was in good enough shape to run a marathon without really training. I was wrong and that first marathon was a nightmare but over the past six years I have improved my finishing time by over an hour which I value as quite an accomplished.

In terms of getting a good cardiovascular workout I do enjoy riding the recumbent bicycle since there is no wear and tear on the knees. This is truly a non-impact aerobic and just wanted I needed one week removed from running 26.2 miles. I still work-up quite a sweat and get my heart pumping. There are times where I would swear I get a better workout on the recumbent bicycle but I know running serves a very good purpose for me. This morning I rode the bicycle for an hour and had plenty of time to return home to get everyone out of bed.

Over the past month and a half my daughter has had the early games on Saturday and as fate would have it today my son had the early game while my daughter game was a more reasonable hour especially in her opinion!! My daughter tried to strike up a deal where she could stay home with my wife instead of going to her brother’s game but this didn’t fare so well for her. We all made our way out of the house and made our way to the baseball field. The weather was perfect as Southern California standards go with cool temperatures in the morning warming up in the afternoon. It was indeed a great day for a few ball games and what a day it turned out to be.

My son continued to hit the ball and today he got a hit in every at bat; going 5 for 5 and driving in 2 runs while scoring 3. He hussled his little butt off the entire game and made some very good plays in the field. He was so comfortable at the plate and behind the plate. In one of his at bats he went all the way down to the 6th pitch and wrapped that pitch up the middle for a base hit. He has really improved over the 11 games and turning into quite the player. His team returned to their winning ways with a 14-8 victory and the defense was much better this game.

As my son’s game ended we made our way over to my daughter’s game which is a short 10 minute drive. We arrived early for a change and there was a softball game going on the same field my daughter plays on. Of course I had to make a run home because my son forgot his helmet which meant he couldn’t utilize the skate park unless his helmet was retrieved. I drove home and picked up the helmet so my son could occupy his time at the skate park. I didn’t miss any of my daughter’s game because the preceding game had run over but finally ended 25 minutes behind schedule.

My daughter was the starting pitcher and what she lacks in speed she makes up in accuracy. She only walked one person but did give up the maximum 4 runs in the inning mostly due to errors since the opposing team was hitting the ball instead of receiving base on balls. My daughter took all of this very well and she was enjoying herself. This carried over to her hitting as she went 2 for 2 driving in 3 runs. Her second hit was her best hit of the season as she hit a solid single into the outfield on a fly. After the game was over my daughter wanted to know how close she was in hitting a homerun; I told her she did hit the ball far but had a few more feet for a homerun. She was very happy today and it didn’t matter that her team fell short losing 10-8.

My daughter also continues to improve and she is getting very comfortable at the plate and in the field. Both of my children are turning into very good athletes and thankfully they have their mother’s athletic gene and not mine!!! Yes, maybe I can run 26.2 miles but I don’t have the greatest eye hand coordination in the world and it appears my children do have some semblance of eye hand coordination which is okay by me!! This was a great Saturday and my children didn’t make any outs going a combined 7 for 7 having a wonderful day on the diamond.

Fall Festival 2008

Today was a very big day for my wife as she had her first official interview since she returned from New Jersey. We have been searching for a job but in this very unstable economy many of the opportunities were a long drive away. This really didn’t make any sense financially because even with the “falling” (when did $3.25 a gallon gas become cheap???) price of gas we would be losing money with these jobs not to mention all the time and stress involved. This interview was local and was arranged by a very good friend. This is the same opportunity that didn’t work out a few months ago but as things go what is meant to be will be. I don’t want to put the “cart” in front of the “horse” but things did go very well. The words, “perfect” and “just what we have been looking for” were mentioned so we shall see and say a few prayers along the way as well!!

Life is all about connections and I have made incredible connections in the past three plus years. Even my life on the “inside” I made a connection which will hopefully last a lifetime. I do believe in the “Law of Attraction” where like attracts like and it shouldn’t be a surprise I found likeminded people while I served my time. I continue to meet likeminded people in and out of recovery and as long as I walk the walk life will continue on its wonderful path.

I took the day off from the gym because I had a few things I needed to do for work this morning and I wanted to see my off as she embarked on her interview. I love my wife so much and I want nothing but the best for her. I screwed up yet she has been there for me every step of the way and the least I can do is return the favor. This wasn’t very much seeing her off on her interview and hearing the results after it was over but I really want to be there for her. Someone mentioned to my wife that they were very proud of her for staying with me through all of this and I too am very proud of how my wife has handled the past three plus years. Hopefully all goes well and she gets a job offer because I think it will be good for everyone involved; life does move mysteriously but there is so much joy in this mystery.

The day moved along very well and I was once again outside of “my office” and at the “real office”. I found myself in the room where the lifeblood of the business sits. I work for a recovery center and there are two distinct aspects of the business. The first aspect is the sales end or getting the clients in the door and the second aspect is the treatment of the clients where new lives are hopefully formulated. This is no “chicken and egg theory” because without the sales end there are no clients to service so getting the clients in becomes extremely important.

The company has formulated a great sales plan and I sat in that room this morning doing something unrelated to what was happening on the telephones. We receive over 6,000 phone calls a month from people searching for help. This could come in the way of “where is the nearest AA meeting?” Or where can I go to get help for my addiction? Those are the calls that the business is built on and there are so many people in need of assistance.

I sat there and sort of overheard some of the conversations and it seemed that mostly family and friends of the addicted person were calling. This does make sense because the addict much like me is in constant denial where the loved ones are the collateral damage. The trick becomes getting the addicted person to in the door for treatment and even when they arrive keeping them in treatment is sometimes a chore as well. However; those who do stay find another way to live and as long as they remain in recovery life is astonishing.

This evening was the Fall Festival at our children’s school. I hadn’t been to this annual event in two years and it has come a long way in that time. This was a festival complete with many activities for the children and a wonderful silent auction to raise money for the teachers. In these uncertain economic times the poor school districts have been hit hard and when the teacher has to pay for their own copies it is a sad state. The Fall Festival has been designed to raise money and we donated our part as we bid on a basket with our dear friends. We garnered a “family fun” basket complete with 2 for 1 go cart racing tickets, free miniature golf, a few gift cards to local restaurants, a baseball mitt, football, Frisbee and “hydration system”. This was a good purchase and the money will be put to good use. Everyone had a wonderful time and it was great to let the children “run free” as we hung out with our dear friends. It was a great way to end the week and the event was a great deal of fun!!

The Beat Goes On

It really didn’t matter to my son that his team lost as he took in stride so well. This was their first loss of the season and probably a very good thing for the team. The team made many errors and just couldn’t catch up in the end. The ages on the team go from 6 to 8 and oh my there is a huge difference between the 6 year olds and the 8 year olds.

My son has always been mature no matter his age and I sometimes forget he is only 7 years old. I do tend to make comparisons to the other kids on his team which really is not fair. The 6 year olds have a very small attention span and would rather play in the dirt than play baseball and watching my son hussle all over the field and be involved in every pitch doesn’t mean all the kids can do this. I am blessed with an incredible family and I love every moment with them and my son continues to provide so many of these special moments.

These days are quickly moving and here it is the ladder stages of the week. This morning I was once again back at the gym because I do like exercising and all the soreness has gone away from the marathon this past weekend. I didn’t run and will stick with my intention of not running at all this week but since I am addicted to sweat I was once again on the recumbent bicycle getting in a good sweaty session. I have scaled back my weight workouts training for the marathon because there is only enough time in the day and being at the gym for over three hours is not exactly a good use of this time. The chest workout yesterday felt great and I am at a stage where I can consolidate much of the weight workouts getting in a solid session in less time.

Everything went well at the gym and this week I have spent more time out of the office than in the office. This does not mean I didn’t do any work; quite the contrary I have done more work this week outside the office than inside the office. I have been tasked with those administrative duties and one of them has me searching for a rental house to replace a rental house we are losing due to the ongoing foreclosures in the area. No, my company is not being foreclosed on the landlord our company utilizes is being foreclosed on.

There are a multitude of houses available in the area for rent but the trick is to find a stable landlord. When I rented the house we currently live in I checked out my landlord since many landlords are renting out their houses but not paying the mortgage. This causes the unsuspecting renter to be displaced with virtual no notice. The foreclosures are so prevalent in our area that when I was driving through a subdivision every other house had a “for sale” sign and most of these signs were bank owned homes. As it turns out this particular subdivision was built at the height of the market and many of these owners homes have devalued by 50%. The houses were selling for $500,000 two years ago are now valued at $250,000 and there are not many buyers. I doubt the bottom has hit since there are another set of those adjustable mortgages that need to reset in the coming months and the alleged “bailout” may or may not help.

I toured the local area today searching for a rental house. I certainly don’t mind doing anything I am told and life is good. I was speaking with a dear friend today who shares my outlook as everyday is a blessing. Life moves quickly and thankfully I am starting to understand the value of time. It is not time that has the value it is the value of time. Time moves no matter what and I do my darndest to make the best of time; this makes life incredible.

The day ended with a softball game and yes, this is our week as a family between softball and baseball. My daughter also continues to improve and today she got one hit and had one walk. She is one of the better hitters on her team and generates a great deal of power for someone so small. She played the field which she splits between shortstop and centerfield. She has great range and really has a good arm but for some reason she doesn’t throw the ball as a hard as she throws the ball in practice. Anyhow the game went well for her team which is unfortunately like the “Bad News Bears”. Her team does well when they don’t have to throw the ball and once they start throwing the ball all Hell breaks loose. They were leading all game only to lose in their final at bat. My daughter has a good attitude and as long as she plays well she is in a good mood. She has played well as of late and it is apparent she has her mother’s genes when it comes to athletic ability and this is a good thing!!!

Player of the Game!

“The days and weeks will pass soon enough” is a part of a salvo in the Combo book of the Gamblers Anonymous Program and the second part of it states life will get better and I can say from experience this is absolutely true. Life does get better and better each day in recovery and even the most ordinary day is made extraordinary in recovery. I can’t help but to compare my life prior to recovery to my life now in recovery. I may have had external happiness but internally I was a mess. Thankfully this mess is gone and attending the GA meeting last night is part of why I am grounded in peace and serenity. Sure I have gone through a great deal in the past three plus years but over the last 8 months as I have reentered society life is exactly as it is intended all due to recovery.

It would be great if the new members see how their lives can change upon entering and embracing the program but for most this does take time. This is where the passage of being patient is so hopefully. One of the steps states that no major changes (other than abstaining from gambling) take place in the first two years of recovery. I was not afforded this luxury because my life was turned inside out in those first two years. I lost many material items but the most “material” items I did not lose which is all due to being in recovery. I lost my career, house, car, money and freedom; however; life is wonderful as I move in a positive manner. This positive manner is part intention, purpose and wonderment. All this leads to good and thankfully this is what my life is all about.

This morning I was back in the gym after taking the last two days off. Yes, I ran 26.2 miles on Sunday and I could certainly justify taking this week off but that wouldn’t be me. I guess I could categorize my affinity to exercise as an addiction but I like to look at it as a good habit. I didn’t want to run today and I probably won’t run at all this week but that won’t keep me from the gym and I did make my way in this morning. I went through a very good core, chest, and aerobic workout. My aerobics only consisted of 30 minutes on the recumbent bicycle to get the lactic acid out of my legs.

I have to marvel at the fact that on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday I had a difficult time walking down the stairs but this morning I didn’t have any problems. This was made even better by riding the cycle for the 30 minutes clearing out any residue in my legs. I’m not sure how this happened so fast but it is just like back in June when I ran my last marathon. The soreness did not last very long and in my sick twisted mind I actually like the soreness. This means (to me) that I have actually accomplished something;( not that finishing a marathon isn’t something the soreness is like the “icing on the cake)!!

This was a wonderful way to start the day and I was well on my way to running another marathon. Somewhere in the future I will start training for a triathlon and again in my sick twisted mind I would love to complete an Ironman Triathlon (2.4 mile swim, 122 mile bike ride and a 26.2 mile run all in the same day in the heat of the Big Island of Hawaii) but that is my ego talking. I will take it one day at a time which is the best way to take life and really any other task. Also; my daughter took the medal I received from the marathon into class today as her “show and tell”. She was very proud of her dad and couldn’t wait to show the medal to her class. This was wonderful to see and I do remember two years ago when she did something similar in her second grade class and I became known as my daughter’s marathon running dad!!!

This evening my son had a baseball game and he did great. He is really improving in all parts of the game. He struck out his first at bat but followed that with three consecutive hits. He made another great play as the catcher pouncing on a pop-up and throwing the player out at first. His team lost for the first time all season 14-13 falling short in the last inning but my son received the game ball for his stellar play. He did play great and his attitude is so consistent whether he gets a hit or not; he is having a great time and I love him so much!!!

Gamblers Anonymous Very Important

I failed to mention that we took advantage of some “schwag” in the goodie bag that was given out at the marathon. Typically these goodie bags are filled with giveaways and this was certainly the case over the weekend. In the bag were various promotional products along with PowerBars, Cliff Bars and other assorted protein/energy bars. Also there were two free tickets to the Aquarium of the Pacific and since we were in the neighborhood we took advantage of this promotion. We only had to pay for the children and everyone enjoyed the visit to the aquarium.

I got a little confused as to the location of the aquarium so I logged a few more miles after the marathon as we walked around the Long Beach Convention Center searching for the Aquarium. Finally we had to ask someone and yes, we were in the wrong location. We finally got our bearings down and made our way to the aquarium. Everyone had a good time looking at the exotic fish but I was the only interested in the interactive displays touching the sharks and stingrays. My son did “muster” up enough courage to touch the starfish but my daughter would have nothing to do with this. This was a great way to spend the afternoon after the marathon in Long Beach. We capped the day off with dinner at P.F. Changs which was delicious.

This morning I was feeling good enough to make my way to the gym but I got sidetracked giving myself another day off from exercising. I had some impromptu work I needed to tend to and this made the morning pass very quickly. I had to edit an item and I remember editing various reports in my previous career and never realizing how much I enjoy writing. Now I understand the fact that I like writing and I can’t help thinking back to many years ago when I started my career where I had my reports edited which looked like they were bleeding since there was so much red ink on the pages. I did manage to get better over my career and now I would rather write than work on a spreadsheet!!!

This evening was technically a free evening as my son had his baseball practice last night and my daughter didn’t have anything scheduled as well. The baseball practice last night went well but it is interesting how I take a back seat when some of the other coaches are at practice. This is what happened last night and I found myself talking with one of the parents for most of the practice. This was okay by me because my daughter was there helping out as well. She volunteered her services and really wanted to go to her brother’s practice. My daughter is a very interesting “sort” because there are days where she wants nothing to do with her brother and there are days like last night where she wanted to help her brother and his team, go figure; I really can’t!!!

Since we had nothing planned this evening I wanted to fit in a Gamblers Anonymous meeting. I must be honest because this is what recovery is all about and I have to say I really didn’t want to go to the meeting as the time approached. I expressed my lack of enthusiasm to the family and was reprimanded by my son as he insisted I had to go. He is so cute and he did mean what he said. I took his words and did make my way to the meeting. The meeting was very good and probably one of the reasons why the meeting was very good was due to the fact that there were two new members in attendance. One unfortunate soul was so torn up they couldn’t muster any therapy while the other person was just there to placate their spouse.

In my three plus years associated with Gamblers Anonymous I have seen both of these types before and it still saddens me to know how insidious this compulsive gambling addiction really is. These are outstanding remainders for me and it would be crazy if I were to forget where I came from since I have been through so much and I have put my family through so much. However; this disease is relentless and I know I must be cognizant all the time.

I forgot what I felt like that day over 20 years ago when I had to tell my mother and father I had lost over $13,000 to a bookie. I had also forgotten when I had to declare bankruptcy over 15 years ago. I would be hard pressed to forget the past two years but I know where my compulsive addiction can take me which is why I need and want Gamblers Anonymous in my life. I am so happy I decided to go to the meeting tonight because I felt so much better after the meeting than when I entered the room.

More Marathon Stuff

The more I think about the marathon the more I realize there was no way I was finishing under three hours and 20 minutes. I purposely stayed ahead of the 3:20 pace group up until mile 23 and when that pace group past me I knew my prospect of qualifying for the Boston Marathon had faded away. This is okay by me because I know I gave it my best and seeing my family at the finish line was all I needed. It was interesting because one of the first questions asked by my daughter and son was “When is the next marathon?” I had to laugh because at that point with my legs aching the last thing I wanted to think of was running another 26.2 miles so I just said; “we’ll see”.

They specifically inquired about the marathon in Phoenix which takes place in January. This is the one and only marathon that I started but did not finish some four years ago. As I reached mile 15 and ran past my family on the sidelines my knee had too much pain for me to continue. I still have a little regret from not finishing this marathon and I will always remember the look on my daughter’s face (then 6 years old) who said, “Get back out there!” I couldn’t get back out there and the next day I was in the emergency room fearing I had strained a knee ligament. Thankfully it was only tendinitis but it took me a long time to get back into running shape.

Yes, this is on my “unfinished business list” however; it really isn’t that important to me. I would like to complete the race and the timing may work out since the children have the Monday after the race off from school. Of course since this marathon is in another state I will need to request permission which hopefully won’t be much of an issue and additionally this will be a much more expensive endeavor. I still have debts that need to be paid to friends and family which I am working towards and I certainly can’t justify a “jaunt” off to Phoenix in January while I still owe money. I will see where I am at with this debt before I make any decisions to take a “vacation marathon”. I will start training for a marathon in January since I know there is a local marathon around the same time of the Phoenix Marathon.

I was so tired that I went to bed at the same time the children went to bed last night. The problem was staying asleep. I fell asleep very quickly but when I woke up feeling refreshed I looked at the clock only to discover it had only been two hours!!! This meant it was time to rollover and get more sleep; oh yes, I got more sleep and the “after marathon tightness” settled in. I know what to expect at this stage after a marathon and yes, my legs were very sore. It is very difficult to go down the stairs as my quadriceps are very tight but this is to be expected and sad to say I somewhat enjoy this as well. I look forward to the soreness in a weird sadistic manner and I was sore.

I was not about to head over to the gym this morning because my body needed the rest. I remember back to my first marathon where I couldn’t get back to the gym one full week after but with the subsequent marathons the soreness dissipated much quicker. I will probably be back in the gym on Wednesday but I won’t run until next week. I will cycle and run the lactic acid out of my legs because this helps to rid my body of the soreness. Also; I have a very good indication on how I need to alter my training program and much like my previous marathon I need a longer run than the two 20 mile runs at least one month prior to the marathon. I would like to run at least one 24 mile run because this is where I seem to fade.

I checked my watch after each mile and as I approached mile 22 my pace started to fade. My pace actually increased from mile 6 to mile 12 from mile 1 to mile 6 but faded dramatically from mile 20 to mile 26. The key is the last 6 miles and this is where the marathon starts. If I am dedicated to qualifying for the Boston Marathon I need to step up my training to include the 24 mile run which should help me make up the 2 ½ minutes. Of course; this is all one stride at a time as life is lived one moment at a time in recovery.

I made my way into the office this morning for a meeting and this meeting went well. I was asked about the marathon and those in attendance at the meeting actually marveled that I was able to make my way into the office after having run 26.2 miles. It was funny because I was asked if I ran the marathon on purpose and yes, this was meant to be a joke.

It was 6 years ago that I ran my first marathon as a test to my fitness level. In my opinion I failed that first test emphatically but thankfully over that time I have gotten much better and now I can officially state that I have taken off over an hour from my first marathon. I ran that first marathon in 4 hours and 23 minutes and yesterday I completed my 7th marathon in 3 hours and 22 minutes. It is good to know that I feel better after this marathon as opposed to that initial marathon. Yes, things to do improve with time!!!