First Touchdown!

Last weekend the inclement weather caused my daughter’s softball evaluations to be postponed until today. This brought a “double booking” for the morning as my son also had evaluations along with a flag football game. I promised my daughter I would volunteer with her softball team just as I volunteered with my son’s baseball team in the fall. I do have a sense of commitment to my son’s baseball so I did my best to be in both places. Fortunately there was a time gap between the two evaluations and thankfully my son’s evaluations didn’t take much time at all.

My son will be playing in the “kid” pitch baseball league as opposed to the “machine” pitch baseball league he played in the fall. My son wanted to play in the “kid” pitch and campaigned hard to get his way. I was on the fence but until I spoke with my brother in law I was swayed to go with my son’s wishes. I was thinking my son may take a few steps back in the “kid” pitch league because I could see the kids pitching being a bit erratic whereas the “machine” is much more consistent. However; as my brother in law pointed out there is much more to baseball than just hitting and the fact that my son is a very good athlete being in the “kid” pitch league would be to his benefit. I should be a very interesting season and I look forward to a very fun season.

His evaluations went very well and I am always happy to see him doing well. Actually it doesn’t matter to me whether he does well or not the bottom line to me is the fact that he is having fun. He had fun this morning as he promptly lined the first two pitches of the three pitches he received during the evaluations. He may have swung and missed the final pitch but he hussled his way around the bases and did very well fielding the ground balls along with making very good throws to first base. He had some difficulty with the pop flies but that will come with more practice. All in all he did very well and had a very good timing doing it.

My son’s evaluation was over in time for us to meet my wife and daughter at the softball field. This evaluation was a contrast to my son’s baseball evaluation because it took a very long time. There were over 100 girls being evaluated and the system of evaluation being employed was much lengthier than my son’s evaluation. My son’s evaluation was all inclusive while my daughter’s evaluation was performed in three separate segments. This took all morning long and into the afternoon. First she was evaluated in the field with ground balls and pop flies. My daughter handled the ground balls very well and made good throws. The pop flies were much like how my son handled his pop flies and it is just a practice thing since my daughter is also a good athlete. This is interesting because my daughter is one of the smaller girls for her age but she does have “skills” and she certainly has determination.

The second segment of my daughter’s evaluation was hitting and my daughter did well hitting all five pitches. She didn’t hit the balls the authority she normally hits the balls but did hit them nonetheless. As I mentioned my daughter is very determined and with this she becomes her own worst critic. She wasn’t very happy with her hitting performance and I did my best to put things into perspective as we waited for the third and final phase of the softball evaluation. The third phase was to evaluate her pitching and once again she did well but in her eye’s she didn’t do well enough. I did cheer her up and after three plus hours in the hot sun (yes, even though it is the last day of January the temperature reached 85 degrees) the evaluation was over. In the next few days she will be assigned a team and the spring softball season will commence. This will be a very long season since it doesn’t end until June! I do hope my daughter has fun and it appears as long as she does well she will have fun.

While I was at my daughter’s evaluation my wife was at my son’s flag football game. As fate would have it my son scored his first touchdown of the season and had a very good all around game. I certainly would have loved to see his first touchdown but I was very happy to be with my daughter and the fact that I am here makes all the difference in the world. We made our way home and when we got home I got the rundown on the football game from my son and I had to make good on my promise to get him Pokémon cards when he scores a touchdown. This was his reward for scoring a touchdown and I was more than happy to oblige. We made our way to two stores to find the cards and my son was very enthused to receive the cards. This was indeed a wonderful way to spend a Saturday and the fun continues each and every day.

Dirt Biking

I had what could be considered an epiphany this morning after my workout. My mind does run 1,000 miles an hour some times and usually I do my best thinking in the shower or at 3:00 am. I have had my share of thinking during the ladder especially in the last few days and I have come up with a few good ideas as it pertains to my job. This morning after a very good two session workout (I rode the bicycle for 17 miles and followed it up with an 8 mile run) I was in the shower and as usual my mind was drifting along. I focused on a conversation I had with my mother just the other day as we spoke about the “what ifs” along with the “should’ve” and “could’ve”. I need to preface what I am about to say because otherwise it won’t make any sense.

I have been playing with the “regrets” of my digressions over the last four years and for the most part I have forgiven myself. I do go back and say “what if” even though I know it makes no difference. This morning I realized finally that the way everything transpired was the way in which it should have. If there is anything I could do differently would have been to truthful from the very beginning. As things turned sour I reverted to more lies and more crazy stories. I was in the throes of my addiction and this really shouldn’t be an excuse nor do I want it to be an excuse; it really is the reason why I didn’t know better. Now almost four years later I certainly know better and I am much better person. As I realized this a small smile came to my face and peace set it in.

I had some work to do at home this morning and one of my longstanding projects I thought had come to an end but doesn’t want to end! This is a never ending “battle” with a customer service department and the “battle” continued this morning. I am a very patient person which is why I was given this task and all I kept hearing from the customer service manager was “thanks for your patience” and after the fifth time I wanted to scream!! I didn’t scream because that would have been a bit counterproductive and I didn’t want to go back into the queue of “death”!! There wasn’t a resolution and based on the fact that the manager said “oh that isn’t right” as she looked up the account is a step in the right direction. The matter was forwarded to another manager in a “specialty” department and I should hear some time next week. My patience continues and I wonder if it will ever run out???

This matter took most of the morning and a little of the afternoon. I messed around with some other work and decided to call it an early week when my son came home from school. My daughter went over to a friend’s house to practice for the school’s talent show as she and two friends are doing their rendition of Jordin Sparks’ “One Step at a Time”. This should be very cute and I remember three years ago when my daughter was in the talent show with another friend and they were very cute.

My son came home and we talked for a bit but he really wanted to play on the Wii. I let him go for a few minutes then headed upstairs. I tried to convince him to go outside and play but he really wanted to stay inside so I asked him to go on a bike ride. He agreed but we had to go “dirt biking” which is a bike ride through the “dirt” in a nearby area. This “dirt” was supposed to be a housing tract but I doubt that will happen anytime soon. The “dirt” remains and my son enjoys the hills of the dirt patch. We had a great bike ride and unlike the last time we went “dirt biking” his tires remained inflated. Yes, the last time my son got several thorns in his tires and we ended up pushing his bicycle home. Today we rode home and it was a wonderful way to end the week.

Routine/Program a Positive!!!

In my most recent training for the Arizona Rock n’ Roll Marathon I worked out 5 days a week just like I did for the Long Beach Marathon. I usually do take two days off from working out each week but for some reason I don’t feel like taking a day off. I did feel a bit reluctant about heading out to the gym but that reluctance didn’t last very long as I was out the door and headed for the gym.

I do see many similarities to my life now and to my life one year ago. That certainly sounds strange especially knowing where I was one year ago. There is a glaring difference which starts and ends with freedom but having a routine (or “program” as it is known on the “inside”!) does help me tremendously. I have always had a routine and this routine commenced when I started to exercise over 18 years ago. I’m sure there is a large part of my obsessive compulsive personality wrapped up in my working out but I can say it is so much better now as I near the four year mark of my recovery.

The routine over four years ago did start out with working out but it wasn’t followed with being productive. I had to go through all the machinations of placing my wagers. I can’t underscore the word “had” enough because I didn’t know another way nor was I looking for another way to live my life. This was so bad that as it all crumbled down I was still scheming how I could continue these ways.

When I meet someone who is suffering from any addiction I can relate to the fact that they just can’t stop on their own. I couldn’t stop on my own and didn’t want to stop on my own. I was forced to stop as my world changed dramatically. Thankfully as it was all falling down I realized I needed help and sought out the Gamblers Anonymous Program. I know my life would be dramatically different which means worse if I didn’t seek and continue to seek recovery. This is an ongoing process and thankfully recovery continues to enhance my life each and every day.

Since I have changed up my routine of working out a bit my intense days have moved to Thursdays instead of Wednesdays. The intensity is not nearly as difficult as it was in my previous training sessions and I think this would be a good adjustment. I have reached a plateau in my running and need to shake things up to get over that hump. I have added more cycling and somewhere over the next few weeks I will introduce my body to swimming which should provide a jolt to my system. I am sure there are more adjustments I need to make over the next few months but I am energized like never before and I know I will accomplish my goals.

The workout was over and I had some unfinished paperwork I needed before going to the office. When I started back in September another colleague came over from the same Counseling Center we both worked out. The two of us came over as a “package deal” and although I hadn’t known this person very long we hit it off almost instantly. We do share similar experiences in our background but we are very different people yet get along wonderfully. I had some paperwork I needed to work on for this person and was very happy to help. The paperwork was complete and I was going into the office.

I met with my boss about one of the many projects I am working on and continue to get complimented for my performance. I haven’t exactly excelled in the marketing aspect of my position but do excel at the many special projects I have been assigned. I don’t know if marketing is the right fit for me because I am more comfortable in a “controlled” setting of getting a task accomplished. The future is very bright for my company even in this very unstable economic environment. I figure the only true recession proof industry is health care because no matter how bad the economy gets people need to be healthy. I guess if it gets so bad nothing would matter but hopefully I won’t see that day!!

I had a great lunch meeting with my boss and during the lunch we had some very good conversations. We share similar attitudes toward politics and the world so our conversations flow very nicely. We did talk about the horrible economy and I wanted to know if our economy was just a “house of cards” waiting to fall since it seems all of financial difficulty has been caused by the housing crash.

Where I reside in Southern California is the epicenter of the housing debacle and our community leads the nation in the number of foreclosures and I am fairly certain we aren’t out of the woods yet. Oddly; I was forced out of the housing market at the right time and the person who bought our house has got to be hurting. I am not in a financial position to get back into the real estate market since there are many debts I need to pay off before even thinking about making a major purchase but it is interesting to be an observer in this market.

Best Part of My Day

I used to think that the best part of my day was the shower directly following my daily workout. This is a good part of my day but it certainly isn’t the best part of my day. I discovered actually more like confirmed that the best part of my day comes when dinner is served. Somehow over the years despite the peculiar eating habits of our children and of course me; we have incredible family time around the dinner table. This is truly the most satisfying and most incredible part of my day. It doesn’t matter what is served for dinner it only matters that we sit around the dinner table talking as a family. Last night when dinner was finished everyone remained around the table talking. This is so cool and one of the little large things in my life. Yes, that last statement was an intended oxymoron and hopefully hits home the point of the fact that I am with my family embracing every moment.

I hope this dinner time magnificence lasts for the foreseeable future. Our children have reached the ages where the conversations are wonderful. It seems like just yesterday that we were feeding our children at the dinner table and now as life progresses (wonderfully I might add) our children are not only capable of feeding themselves but they are very capable of engaging in excellent conversations. I have read many articles that the dinner table has been dying and this may be true for some people but our dinner table is flourishing and it is truly wonderful.

I had a warm smile all night long just thinking how things continue to work out for the very best and the evening went by so quickly. This morning arrived so quickly and the morning routine was in effect. The children were off to school and I was off to the gym for a very good workout. I most likely trained too hard for the last marathon and I am starting to see the benefits of moderate training. The word “moderate” has been missing from my life for quite some time and I would say it most likely has not entered my life. I haven’t been moderate about anything in my life and this has its positives and negatives. Obviously the negative side is my compulsive gambling addiction and the positive side is my recovery. I really don’t know moderation; however; I do know that there is no way I could ever be a moderate gambler. The days of me actually thinking this have disappeared all thanks to recovery.

I think there is a need for moderation in my life and I am doing my best to mix it in to my daily affairs. I am trying to be moderate about my exercising but I am sure my definition of moderation could be construed as excessive. I have cut back on the intensity of my exercising but have added to its duration. Now instead of going at 130% of effort I go at 90% effort for 150% longer than previous. Yes, I am sure I need help in this area but it does bring peace. That may sound funny but I look forward to my exercising and I am trying to mix things up to not stagnate. I don’t want to stagnate in any part of my life which is why there needs to be a reinvention of things. I’m not sure where I am going with this but I can say that I am enjoying each and every day.

This afternoon I was helping a very dear friend who had asked me for a favor. I was so happy to help and as the ironies in my life continue this is one of those incredible ironic efforts. I found myself crafting a letter to a place I knew in a “previous life” and when we were done composing this letter the fun began. I can’t go into details but I can say it was a great deal of fun to hear the response. I have no idea where this will go nor do I know if this will help my friend in the long run. It appears this has helped my friend in the short term and I had the opportunity to help a very good friend. This very good friend kept asking me why I was helping them and all I could say was that they are my friend and friends help friends. God knows my dear friends have helped me and continue to help me and without all this support I have no idea where I would have been. I am grateful for all the help and support.

Today also ended with a very nice time at the dinner table; there was an “episode” with my daughter and the eggplant rolotini but that was to be expected. I must admit that my daughter is me 30 years ago and there isn’t much I can do about it other than try to make the situation much lighter. I do my best to explain to my daughter that she needs to taste more types of foods and even when there is a food that just doesn’t taste right it is okay to eat that particular food. There was a minor battle tonight but somehow my daughter actually gave in and ate something she said she wouldn’t eat. This was a victory of sorts for my wife and hopefully going forward these battles will be limited. I don’t really believe that the battles will be limited knowing how I was when I was my daughter’s age but it seemed to be a step in the right direction.

"Disturbing" Evening

The day ended with me at the Monday Gamblers Anonymous Speaker’s meeting. I am so happy that I was asked to Secretary this meeting and last night was my second meeting as Secretary. I haven’t been a Secretary since my first year in the program and that was a wonderful experience. I shared that experience with another member who unfortunately is no longer associated with Gamblers Anonymous. I realize many people come in and out of the program but there are a few people I met in my first year associated with Gamblers Anonymous that I do miss.

I do miss this person I was the Co-Secretary with because we had so very good conversations. I remember one such conversation where the subject was about going back to gambling. My belief is that as long as I am associated with the Gamblers Anonymous Program and follow the principles in the program I will not gamble. The person I was speaking with was adamant that they would not go back to gambling ever. I don’t know what happened to this person and I do hope they have not returned to the insanity. I do know that the only way I can be sure that I won’t go back to the insanity is practicing the principles of the Gamblers Anonymous Program. I have attempted to overcome my compulsive gambling addiction but that only lead me to prison sentence. Thankfully I have been given a second (actually a third chance!) chance and because of the GA Program I am making the very best of this opportunity.

The meeting was very good and yes, I got to know so much more about a fellow member. I was concerned during the meeting that this fellow member did not have a typical gambling addiction but as the talk went on I discovered that it may have not been “typical” but this person was in the right place. This person was in the right place because it is the place to recover. That is the bottom line and the program continues to enhance my life each and every day.

As I was making my way home from the meeting I received a disturbing text message and when I got home I was filled in on the cryptic text message. I realize that bad things happen and when bad things happen to loved ones 3,000 miles away I truly understand the meaning of being powerless. There is nothing that I can do other than listen and pray everything will be okay. I did feel bad and knowing the severity didn’t make things any better. However; the concept of powerless is very present in my life and thankfully the “Serenity Prayer” does come in handy. I have to trust and believe everything will work out for the best.

This was the second set of disturbing news I received last night and once again the first set brought to bear the whole being of powerlessness. I was not equipped for that news and all I could do is listen. (By the way all of this unsettling news is about loved ones.) I was hoping to come up with some “pearls of wisdom” but all I could do is stay silent. Life is indeed complicated and it is an interesting journey. At times life becomes unbelievable journey and thankfully I have the consistency of recovery in my life to understand “things happen”. When I was fixated with my compulsive gambling ways I would do my best to professionalize this behavior but I was only fooling myself and missing the good stuff that life brings. Now in recovery even with the disturbing news I know my life is so much better than it has ever been and gambling is a detriment to my well being. I am fortunate to be in my current position and I do my very best to embrace each and every day even the not so good days.

I thought I may have had difficulty in sleeping but I somehow managed to fall asleep very quickly. My subconscious was having a field day but this was to be expected. The morning came around and unlike yesterday our room was only inhabited by those who normally belong. The morning ritual came and went very quickly and the children were off to school. I returned to the gym to try my hand at two of the disciplines in the triathlon. I rode the bicycle for 30 minutes at a fairly high intensity and subsequently ran 9 miles. I slowed my pace down considerably from my previous marathon training because I am trying something different. I am training for a marathon in addition to the triathlon but I need to watch my intensity. I think I peaked too early for the last marathon and my intensity was much too high. I am dial this back and adding more miles in addition to getting outside for the long runs. Hopefully these changes will translate into making up those few minutes so I can say I qualified for the Boston Marathon.

The session at the gym was very good and I was encouraged how well I felt after completing the bicycle and running session together. I have never attempted this before and now I need to get into the pool to try my hand at swimming. This is indeed encouraging and I have to admit I was becoming a little burnt out on my running regimen but am energized with the addition of the bicycling along with the prospect of swimming. This is a wonderful way to start my day and it was another very good day. I even incorporated my new endeavor into my day’s work and that went very well.

Contentment/Contented

Yesterday continued as I made my way to the Sunday evening Gamblers Anonymous meeting. Even though I would be going to tonight’s Gamblers Anonymous meeting since I am the Secretary I did want to fulfill my commitment of attending the Sunday evening meeting. The meeting I Secretary is a Speaker’s meeting and has a very different “feel” from most other meetings. The Speaker meetings are very good because it provides so much more insight into a fellow member. There is only one speaker per meeting and each speaker basically speaks for the entire meeting. Additionally it is only an hour meeting so there isn’t much time for typical sharing/therapy. I do find it beneficial attending the Sunday evening meeting along with the Speaker’s Meeting.

Last night was a very good meeting and these meetings are very inspiring. The subject of “contentment” came up and it is so interesting how different people have different opinions on the same subject matter. I looked up the definition of contentment and realized I needed to look up the word contented since the definition of contentment was “the act of being contented”. The definition of contented is very simple and can be summed up in one word “satisfied”. This is exactly what I thought it would be but I have not always thought this way. Prior to me seeking recovery I thought contented meant settling and now thankfully I understand there is a big difference between being settled and being satisfied.

I am extremely satisfied with how my life continues to move and in the past I was mostly ambivalent about my life. The ambivalence has been replaced with utter contentment and I am satisfied, pleased, happy, grateful, thankful and all the other synonyms of contentment. I continue to learn that it is more than okay to be contented with life because this is how it is supposed to be. All of this was talked about in the meeting and I am so happy I made my way to the meeting.

The meeting was over and I returned home for a very peaceful Sunday evening. There wasn’t anything earth shattering that happened last night other than the fact that my daughter had more than the usual amount of difficulty getting to sleep. She was very active during the day but she did wake up much too late and very late last night my wife was allowing her to sleep in our bed. I am the “mean one” when it comes to this subject but was overruled and my daughter was allowed to stay. It was very interesting when my son made his usual early morning appearance as the entire family was in the same room. This is the definition of togetherness and really I certainly don’t mind because I missed these times so much. My life is incredible and it is these moments that I cherish so much.

Everyone had to wake up to start the school week and it was a very sluggish morning. Amazingly everyone got out the door in time for the start of school. I did make my way to the gym this morning as I have revamped my training schedule. I still don’t have a place to swim so I made my way to the usual gym and instead of running I rode the exercise bicycle. There are two types of exercise bicycle the standard upright cycle and the recumbent cycle.

The recumbent cycle has been my preferred apparatus for a number of years but this morning as I focus on completing a triathlon I went on the standard upright cycle. This may not seem like such a big deal but it is different from the recumbent cycle. I had a very good session and once again the sweat was pouring down. I realize that I need to get outside but until I find a suitable road bicycle I have to remain on the standard upright cycle perfecting my technique. I was right this is going to be a great deal of fun and it will add to my training. Hopefully this will also translate into me making up those precious minutes as I attempt to qualify for the Boston Marathon.

My work day started and I really need to be flexible since my duties change almost hourly. I am flexible and grateful for the opportunity and I excel at doing what I am told. I completed those tasks and the day went by so quickly.

Great "Game Night"

Earlier this week I thought we were due for a “game night”. Our last “game night” was New Year’s Eve with our dear friends and I thought it would be great if we could reconvene. My wife agreed and we invited our dear friends over for barbecue pizza and “game night”. By the way I do recommend barbecue pizza; I was introduced to this during a “visit” and it was delicious. The recipe has been perfected since the first time and it really is quite easy along with being delicious. Thankfully being in Southern California the outside grill is available year round and making the barbecue pizza is a pleasure. Our dear friends did arrive and it is truly amazing how well our families are matched. Their children are the exact age as our children and it is always a pleasure having them over.

Dinner went well and pina coladas were poured. (No, I didn’t “indulge” and still remain abstinent as I continue to honor the promise I made to myself when I was released. As I have embraced recovery I realize the difference between being abstinent and being in recovery. I am clearly in recovery from my compulsive gambling ways but I am only abstinent from drinking alcohol. My wife doesn’t understand why I have chosen to refrain from alcoholic drinks as I serve parole and really it is only my paranoia that caused this promise to me. I don’t know if I will remain abstinent after my parole has concluded but really it isn’t much of an issue.) The children went upstairs to the “lounge” to play on the Wii and my “favorite” game was brought out as “game night” commenced. I say “favorite” with tongue firmly implanted in check because Pictionary is one game I really “suck” at!!!

It has now become a running joke and hopefully I am good natured enough to always play this game. It is usually the “guys” against the “girls” who means my dear friend draws the short straw having me the “drawing” challenged partner. Somehow we have actually won in the last few “game nights” so maybe I am not that bad. Oh yes, I am that bad! I do have an idea of what I want to draw but my brain and my hand are certainly not connected because I have difficulty drawing a straight line with a ruler!! Additionally I get too intricate and instead of just drawing the subject I take the circuitous route. I was given some good pointers last night about just cutting to the chase. I listened to the advice but wasn’t very gracious as it was all part of the game.

Once again the team with the drawing challenged partner prevailed. I don’t know how we do it especially when I am drawing but somehow we won the very long game of Pictionary. This game seemed to last all night long because it did!! Usually we will play another game but last night there just wasn’t enough time. I did and I think everyone had a very good time because it was wonderful being with such great friends. The evening was filled with laughter and good natured teasing. The old guys did rule for tonight and we relished in the victory.

This morning it was a very slow start to the day because we went to sleep very late. Everyone had a slow start and as I was waiting for the family to wake up I did watch the CBS Sunday Morning Program. As the show ended my son made his entrance and just about everyone was awake. We made our way downstairs for the usual pancake breakfast and yes, it was a typical Sunday morning. The children had religious studies to work on and after this was finished I took my daughter to the softball field. Softball season was postponed for one week because of the rain but today my daughter wanted to join her friends at the softball field. She is so enthusiastic about playing softball that it is wonderful. I took her to the field and stayed for awhile but I had to take care of something but I did come back with my son.

All three of us had a good time on the field and my daughter was very happy how she was playing. She received some very nice compliments from one of the coaches she was practicing with and her pride did show. My son is just happy to move around outside and he had a great time practicing his over the fence catches. I didn’t realize this until today but my son is a bit of “showboat” on the baseball field and I think he has watched too many “Sportscenters”. He is a good player but likes to do the things that the major leaguers do such as one hand the fly ball catches. This is a habit that needs to be broken and I did talk to him about it and he was very receptive. It seemed to screw him up a bit but hopefully he will embrace the fundamentals very soon. It was a wonderful afternoon on the softball diamond with my children and there was nothing I would trade for this day!!

A Rarity

A “strange” event happened today, all of the children’s activities were cancelled. My daughter had softball tryouts and my son had a flag football game. These were actually cancelled last night do the impending rainstorm. It really wasn’t much of a storm at all and as it turns out the events could have taken place but this did free up a rare Saturday. This would be the “calm” before the storm because next week since my daughter’s tryouts were cancelled they will commence next Saturday along with my son’s tryouts for baseball and a flag football game. We will need to “plan” accordingly as a few of these events overlap and I did offer to assist my daughter during the softball season. I thought this was only fair since I assisted my son’s baseball team in the fall. I thought I would alternate and really if I could be in both places at the same time I certainly would.

I know I can’t make up for the time I lost with my children but I can do my best to be involved with their lives as long as they want me involved. Thankfully both of my children have asked me to help with their sports and I will continue to alternate each season. I was talking to my son today and I told him I think that next fall he will play soccer instead of baseball because I don’t want him to burn out on one sport. I did entertain the idea of having him play full contact football but I think this will be best served in a few more years as he matures. I realize the more active the sport the better it is for my son this is why he really enjoys soccer and hopefully will enjoy the full contact football. My daughter is very happy to continue with softball and I am not concerned with her burning out because she continues to really enjoy softball.

I do plan my early morning workout on the day’s events especially or shall I say exclusively on the weekends. I did plan on working out and yes, I made my way to the gym for a good 10 mile run. This would mark the first time I have run since last Sunday’s marathon and it did feel good running. I do notice a very big difference in how my legs feel after I run and after I cycle. Cycling is much more forgiving on my legs than running but there is something about running that puts my brain in a more meditative state. It would be very interesting to see how the triathlon training turns out in conjunction with me training for another marathon. I did print out another marathon training schedule but this will be incorporated with cycling and swimming.

The next marathon on the schedule is the San Diego Rock n’ Roll Marathon but I really want to do one in the middle of April. There aren’t any local marathons at this time but I just discovered an inaugural event that is scheduled for April 25th but I am not sure if this is an “official” qualifier for the Boston Marathon. I really want to run another marathon and there are a few local marathons at the end of March but there is also a very local triathlon at the same time. I would rather do the local triathlon then and do the marathon a few weeks later. I don’t really want to wait to the end of May to run a marathon but again on the other hand this marathon (San Diego Rock n’ Roll) is one of the better marathons I have run. It would be great to qualify for Boston in April and then run San Diego in May as a “fun run”. Of course I will take this one day at a time and whatever happens will be for the very best.

Since we had the day off from the children’s activities I actually received a massage this morning. I promised myself that I would get a massage after the marathon and I had originally scheduled one for this afternoon. However; when our events got cancelled I moved up my massage appointment. Unfortunately I had originally scheduled an hour and a half massage but because I moved up the appointment I could only receive an hour massage. The massage was very good but I did need that extra 30 minutes, oh well I am very grateful for the massage. I didn’t get a massage after the marathon I ran in Long Beach which was a mistake because this does add to the healing time of my body. I would very much like to get a massage every month but that really doesn’t work with the budget. I am very happy with the massage today and I felt very good afterwards.

There was a time.....

I started working out about 18 years ago and for those of you who know my “insane” ways about food and exercise I can say I wasn’t always that way. I am sure my parents would beg to differ about the “insane” way toward food since I have always been a bit “peculiar” when it comes to food. My father would hate to take me to McDonald’s (yes, I was a semi-normal kid way back then!) because I would order a hamburger with just the bun meaning it was ordered plain no additional condiments were needed for me. Of course this isn’t the model McDonald’s prescribes through in their fast food world and invariably we would have to wait for this special item to be cooked. I would swear that McDonald’s invented the “special” parking area for me because it was in front of the drive thru and the restaurant personnel had easy access to “run” out my special order. My father was never fond of taking me to McDonald’s for this particular reason but God love him because he would always wait.

I got off point there which is no surprise!! As I mentioned I haven’t always been crazed about exercise and I do think my food “oddities” have manifested themselves to where I am today. I played some sports in high school but wasn’t very good and all through college I dabbled in working out but never really got into it. I started getting into about one year after getting out of college when I was working in New York City. One of the people I was working with said to me that they thought my suit pants were getting a little tight and that was all it took.

I started to change my diet and started working out regularly. I would work out in the evening after finishing with work and my day wouldn’t end until 9:00 pm and that was clearly before I was married and before we had children. I changed this routine to the morning when I was on a business trip to of all places California and noticed that there was a gym directly across the street from the hotel where I was staying. Instead of working out after work I discovered I could get to the gym get in a workout and be back at the hotel in time for breakfast as my co-workers were just getting up. That would have been 17 years ago and I have mostly prescribed to the early morning workout. I find this to be much better and really I can’t remember how I felt before I started doing this but I do feel great.

There was a point when we moved to Las Vegas that I was waking up at 3:30 am to get to the gym before getting to work. I had to be at work around 6:00 am and I was fastidious about my 2 hour workout back then. Needless to say I didn’t see much of the evening hours and as I was falling asleep around 8:00 at night. That regime lasted about one year and stopped after I left that job for a later starting time and I pushed my wake up time to 5:00 am. That lasted a very long time and it did come full circle as I served my sentence. I would wake up very early especially when I was in fire camp and this was a wonderful regime. I preferred to be tired as early as possible even if it meant waking up at the “dawn’s early light!”

Now my workout regime is still in the morning but with so much flexibility in my job the days of the 3:30 am wake up are few and far between. I still prefer the morning workout and don’t feel right if I am not working out during the morning hours. It is interesting because I was a “regular” at my gym for almost 5 years before I was sentenced and I spent 19 ½ months “away” but when I came back during those early hours the same core group of people were still working out and since I really didn’t “bond” with many of them it was as if I were gone only a week or so!! Time does have a way of moving so quickly and thankfully in recovery I value the time I have every single day.

I was back at the gym this morning and it appears I will be looking for a new place to work out as I start to train for a triathlon. My membership expires in two months and now I need a place to swim. I was looking to join the local YMCA but I was shocked to see that it is actually more expensive than most of the health clubs. There are several nearby health clubs that have swimming pools and although my membership dues will rise it isn’t that much. It will be very interesting training for the triathlon because the one component I have lacked in my training has been swimming and I think this is very good for my training. It appears I have stagnated in my marathon training since my last three marathons have only been separated by 3 minutes; I guess at the very least I am consistent. I do need a change in training and adding the swimming component will be the desired change element. I am very excited about my new endeavor and quite frankly this is good for me because I have a huge tendency to become a creature of habit. This wasn’t so good when I was gambling but does work to my advantage as I move through life in recovery. I do need to break out of my training ways and swimming will add a new dimension.

I only rode the bicycle this morning but had a very good weight training session. I have neglected this segment of my training as I prepared for the marathon. I would only do weight bearing exercises which did help but there is nothing like resistance training to give me that much needed boost. I went through the very good workout and was feeling great and I could tell I would be sore tomorrow. I actually looked forward to being sore because this tells me at the very least I am doing something so my mind becomes satisfied. This could be a sadistic way of looking at things but it I think it is okay as long as I don’t take it too far.

Marathons, Triathlons and a Thought

I remember running my first marathon and not ever wanting to run again during that marathon but my memory is short and I was determined to have a better showing so I ran again the following year. Things have changed over the past 6 ½ years since that first marathon and I have now started and completed more marathons as I live in recovery than prior. I have completed three marathons in the last seven months and this is the most amount of running I have done in my life.

I think the “training” I had over the 19 ½ months prior to running these races has something to with my ability to complete these marathons. My family is very funny because when I completed the Long Beach Marathon back in October and when I completed the Arizona Rock n’ Roll marathon this past weekend their first question was when I would be running a marathon next!!! Yes, indeed this was their first question and I had to laugh because after completing a 26.2 mile run I am really not thinking about running another marathon and thinking back to that first marathon I know I have come a long way.

I didn’t make my way to the gym this morning as I am “taking it easy this week” but I do feel very good. In fact I feel better this week than I did heading into the marathon last week. Last week I was having aches in both of my quads which are very unusual but this week those aches have gone away. There is a local marathon this weekend and maybe I will attempt another shot at qualifying for the Boston Marathon. Only joking I am crazy but not that crazy. There are crazier people out there who have run 50 marathons in 50 states in 50 consecutive days. Yes, that is correct 50 consecutive runs of 26.2 miles which is amazing. I doubt I would fare well enough if I ran this weekend but I think I could finish the marathon but would be woefully short of my time goal so now I have my sights set on doing another marathon.

The next “local” major marathon is at the end of May and it is a marathon that I have done three times. This is the San Diego Rock n’ Roll Marathon and this is a family favorite. There won’t be any misunderstandings at the finish line because my wife is well versed in the finishing area and we know San Diego very well. This would also five me four months to prepare which could be a benefit or detriment. I would prefer to do another marathon in about three months which would be the middle of April. I have looked for some local marathons but those local marathons appear to be more on the hilly side which is not conducive to a personal best. There is a marathon in Salt Lake City which is literally a “downhill” marathon but that would be much too costly.

As I was browsing around for the marathons I encountered a site that ranked the top 10 marathons and the top 10 marathons to qualify for the Boston Marathon. I was happy to see the San Diego Rock n’ Roll marathon in the top 10 marathon list but the other 9 I have not run. The top marathon was of course the Boston Marathon which is the pinnacle of marathon running followed by the Chicago and then New York Marathons. There were a few marathons that were “easier” to qualify for the Boston Marathon and one of those was the St. Georges Utah Marathon which is a downhill marathon. This is more downhill than the Salt Lake City Marathon but that isn’t run until October.

It is funny because when I lived in Las Vegas I knew someone who had just started running marathons and they would talk about this marathon as being “easier” than most. Back then this was foreign to me but now I completely understand the meaning. I don’t care if the entire course is one downhill stretch running 26.2 miles isn’t an easy endeavor and it is quite an accomplishment no matter what. I do understand the “downhill” as opposed to those “rolling” hills marathon as being a bit easier but nonetheless it is still a marathon.

I am still really thinking about entering a triathlon and after come across the Ironman Triathlon website I was moved. The Ironman is the ultimate in the triathlon swimming 2.4 miles, cycling 112 miles and running 26.2 miles all in one day. The professional men finish in around 8 hours and professional women in around 9 hours. I was amazed looking at the results because a good majority of the 1,600 finishers had marathon finishing times faster than my personal best time. That last statement cannot be understated because prior to the marathon comes at least 6 hours of endurance racing in the water and on the road. I had a thought that I could finish this ultimate endurance test and qualifying for this event is another level. I would love to enter this race and of course finish but I am getting way ahead of myself. First off I need to enter a regular triathlon and I need to qualify for the Boston Marathon. I think I can combine these two in my training and I know it will be a great deal of fun.

Uplifting as Usual

Last night ended very nicely when the Gamblers Anonymous meeting ended I was uplifted. Not that I wasn’t feeling very good prior to the meeting just after the meeting I was feeling even better. This is the power of the program and the power of recovery. I must admit that my life was very good prior to me entering recovery because I had everything I ever needed but the problem was I didn’t realize it. Thankfully I realize this everyday as it was all taken away from me for almost two years. This brings me to something that I have been thinking about lately; regrets. I do regret what I have done to my family and I certainly regret what I did. I don’t regret entering recovery and finding a much better way to live. It is so fascinating how my life has been made better through this program of recovery and I am blessed to have an incredible family along with magnificent friends.

I continue to learn in recovery and one of the things I continue to learn is forgiveness. Yes, I do have those regrets and sometimes I have to hit myself in the head and wonder (as my friend asked me over and over again) “What was I thinking?” The problem was I just wasn’t thinking and I was just doing. I was on autopilot and now that autopilot switch has been turned off and I am enjoying every moment. I had a discussion last night about people who get into trouble because they get too greedy and the statement was made, “why can’t they just stop?”

Well I know I wasn’t capable of stopping and had no intention of stopping until I was caught. I still remember plotting how I would go back to those terrible ways as the world was crashing down on me. I wish I could come up with the right words to describe what was going on in my mind back then but all I can say is I was like a robot and a prisoner in my own mind. Those days thankfully are gone all do to recovery and of course the Gamblers Anonymous Program.

This morning yes, I was back at the gym getting in a workout. This recovery time from the marathon was just like the recovery time from my previous marathon. I was feeling no pain whatsoever and this was an “ibuprofen-free” recovery. I didn’t have to take any Advil or Motrin and this is a big change from my very first marathon where I lived on the stuff for two weeks after that marathon. I had difficulty walking down the stairs the night of the marathon and the next day but today there was no pain going down those stairs. There was no pain at the gym and no, I didn’t run I just cycled and I am considering on doing a triathlon in March.

There is a local sprint triathlon in March and I looked at the distances, 150 meter swim, 12 mile bike ride and a 3.1 mile run and thought these weren’t long enough. There is an “Olympic” triathlon not far from where I live and those distances are a 1500 meter swim, 24 mile bike ride and a 6.2 mile run. Those distances are more like it but I consulted a very good friend who has down triathlons and their suggestion is to go with the smaller one first. Of course I know my “ego” is pointing me to the longer triathlon and I need to get my ego in check. My ego has gotten me into trouble over the years and I will probably take the advice of my friend. I do need to find a road bike if I am serious about triathlons and I do need to get into the pool because this will be the hardest part of the training. I haven’t done any significant swimming in years but I think training for a triathlon will be a nice change of pace.

My workout was over and I had some work to do at home before I made my way into the office. Once again I found myself in a regular office environment. I was working on a project that has been a never ending but I finally received a resolution. I am amazed when dealing with customer service representative that the correct information is solely dependent on who I would speak with. I finally got someone who understood what I was asking and the resolution was at hand. There were a few people working on this same project prior to me taking it over and I was very happy to put the issue to rest. The rest of the time in the office I spoke with a few people about some business ideas and these are always good conversations. I can’t help but to think how fortunate I am to be in this situation and I do owe it all to recovery.

A Day for the History Books

I have been on this earth for the past 43 years and there are a handful of those “I remember where I was” moments and today was certainly one of those moments. Actually it was bigger than just a moment it was of historical significance. First off I must say that I didn’t believe Barack Obama would be the President of the United States I thought it would have been Hillary Clinton but I was wrong. I thought the “Politico” would have then Mr. Obama wait 8 years but it was apparent that the time was right for a change and it certainly appears President Obama is the right person at this point in time. It is amazing how right he seems to be but he certainly faces a tall order and I think the next few years are going to be very difficult for this country but it appears at least there will be a great deal of doing as opposed to just trying.

This morning I made it a point to watch the inauguration and was transfixed all the way through to the speech. This was the biggest historic moment I have ever experienced and I was so happy to hear that my daughter and son were able to watch the inauguration while they were at school. I doubt very much that the two of them understand the significance of this day and really why would they because they know no bias. Prejudice is something that is learned and that is a poor choice of a word because prejudice should not be “learned” but I guess that is how life works. Anyhow my daughter and son did watch this historic moment and hopefully in 30 years when they have children of their own they will explain the significance of this day.

The best quote I heard today came very early before all the festivities from NBC’s Tom Brokaw who put it all very simply and said, “This is a GOOD day for the United States.” I let that simple statement sink in and yes, whatever a person may think about President Obama this is a GOOD day for the United States knowing what a conundrum we have been over the past 200 plus years. This is the greatest nation on earth that just doesn’t know who it wants to be. I think we want to be all things to all people and that is just not possible but anything is possible in this country as was witnessed today. Today has been a long time coming and it is about time. It is GOOD in every way and that is undeniable; yes, there are many problems in this country and no President Obama cannot walk on water and will have a tough time over the next few years. I do hope things get better before they get worse but no matter what happen today was a big step forward for this country and for the people of our great nation.

I did manage to get some work done this afternoon and later on this evening I made my way to the Tuesday evening Gamblers Anonymous meeting. I hadn’t fulfilled my commitment this week of going to at least one meeting per week and tonight was the last night to fulfill this commitment. I am so happy I made my way to the meeting because I saw a few members I haven’t seen in a very long time. This program certainly works in every way possible and yes, there are some horror stories associated with the program but tonight it was “all good” just like this day for the country. If I start thinking that I am “cured” or I know better than the next person in the meeting I am not recovering I am falling. The program keeps me on track with my recovery and by being involved with the program makes my life so much better than it has ever been.

I doubt very much that if I weren’t in recovery I would have been as interested in today’s events. Thankfully I understand there is so much more to life than placing that next wager. I was the “dog chasing his tail” back when I was gambling and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get that “tail”. Now thankfully in recovery I don’t have to concern myself with any “chasing” since life is best lived one day at a time and today was a wonderful day through and through.

The Day After the Marathon

There was a difference in my body after finishing this marathon as opposed to the Long Beach Marathon in October. I ran that marathon 2 minutes faster and believe it or not that 2 minutes made a big difference in how I felt at the end. Yesterday although I missed my time goal I didn’t feel too bad as I crossed the finish line and as I attempted to find my family I didn’t feel like crawling into a ball and falling down. I do remember finishing the Los Angeles Marathon where I literally wanted to quit running at mile 20 but grunted to the finish line in a horrible time and as I finished that particular marathon I just needed to sit down. The rule of thumb is to keep moving and keep the blood flowing through the body after finishing a marathon. This is not always an option but yesterday I kept moving and did feel good. No, I couldn’t run another marathon nor could I do a significant pace of running but I could still stand up which is a big accomplishment.

We did have a long walk to the car and this was a slow walk. After a marathon my legs are very sore and the hardest part is going down any incline and the small curbs seem like mountains so I did my best to avoid them. Walking with my family back to the car was wonderful and my son and daughter were so very gracious. My son attempted to help me and my daughter was also by my side all the way back to the car.

I didn’t know if I would feel up to driving home after the marathon so we had the hotel room reserved until today. I wasn’t looking forward to the 5 ½ hour car ride but was looking forward to sleeping in my own bed. I am a big fan of sleeping in my “own” bed since I spent 2 years “away” from this bed and no matter how comfortable a hotel bed may seem it can’t “replace” the comfort of my “own” bed. I really wouldn’t know how I felt until after taking a shower and that is one of the “joys” of marathon day; the shower afterwards. I did feel good enough to say to my wife that we should make our way back home instead of coming home today. She agreed and this saved the expense of the extra day.

The new tradition after a marathon has become P.F. Chang’s Restaurant. They were the lead sponsor for the marathon and one of the “goodies” was a 15% discount card. We did go to P.F. Chang’s for lunch on our way back home. I enjoy this restaurant because I actually have options which rarely happen with my finicky eating habits!! The lunch/dinner was very good and I do enjoy eating after running 26.2 miles. I didn’t eat much before or during the race and I always think that I should be much hungrier after the race. I was hungry but not as hungry as I should have been. I did eat at P.F. Chang’s and it was delicious. My children aren’t big fans of the restaurant but I told them to fake their interest since it is one of my favorites and they obliged.

We did head back to California after lunch and the drive was uneventful. I drove for a few hours then turned the wheel over to my wife. I tried to take a nap but was unsuccessful so after an hour I went back to driving the minivan. I wasn’t as tired as I thought I would be and it was great to get home after a very lovely weekend. It was very nice to gain the extra hour back when the time zone changed from Arizona to California and we weren’t home at a very late hour. We stopped for some frozen yogurt as our “snack” before we arrived home and when we arrived home everyone basically crashed.

I slept very soundly last night and yes, my legs are sore this morning but nothing debilitating. I promised everyone we would go out to breakfast since the children had the day off from school. We went to breakfast at a local pancake establishment and I was very shocked when we received the bill. I can remember going here a few short years ago and it seemed to me that the prices had doubled, oh well such is life at the very least my son was extremely happy to receive his “fix” of bacon!! I’m not sure where this has come from but my son is a bacon aficionado. He can eat a great deal of bacon whereas my daughter wants nothing to do with it; amazing they are so much alike but so different.

Arizona Rock n' Roll Marathon 2009

Last evening was incredibly nice and as we said our good-byes to a very good friend in the program I realized life is truly amazing. Here is a person I did not know 4 years ago and now there is a very deep seated connection. This person was the person to open up their home to my family if we didn’t want to stay in a hotel for the marathon. We didn’t take them up on this offer but the offer was indeed incredible and now I know we certainly have a place to stay if we ever visit Arizona again. Incidentally I believe the New York Giants will play the Arizona Cardinals next year and if the game is in Arizona I may take up this friend’s offer.

We arrived back at the hotel a little later than anticipated but this didn’t matter because sleep would be hard to come by. We tucked the children in their bed and headed off to bed ourselves. I did stay awake a little longer looking at my previous two marathons and trying to calculate the proper pace. When I ran in San Diego I had no idea I was so close to qualifying for the Boston Marathon and really only set out to run the marathon in 3 hours and 30 minutes. I finished that marathon in 3 hours and 25 minutes surpassing my goal. In Long Beach I had my sights set on the 3:20 goal but missed it by 2 minutes. Last night as I looked at those two races I was hoping to achieve the optimum pace.

Sleep didn’t come easy and my water intake did keep me from falling into a deep sleep. Another key to a successful marathon is water intake the day before. I was a little off on my water intake and had a little too much too late in the evening which caused the restless night’s sleep. This was to be expected and it really didn’t matter much at all. I got out of bed at the requisite time and went through my pre-marathon ritual. Instead of taking 5 minutes to get ready this doubled my time to 10 minutes!! I had to apply “lube” in all the appropriate and some inappropriate places. I was ready and I kissed my wife good bye. As I headed out the door my son came out of his room and gave me a hug and said, “Good luck Dad,” and headed back to bed. I knew at that moment that regardless of my finishing time I was a real winner today!!!

I went down to the lobby where the hotel had a grab n’ go breakfast for the marathoners; I grabbed a half of a bagel and downed my energy drink as I waited for the shuttle. I had a very nice conversation with a fellow marathoner who was down from Alaska and very grateful for the warm temperatures after having endure -5 degrees over the past month. The shuttle was a bit late in its arrival but I was content to wait in the lobby just relaxing as opposed to standing in the 45 degree temperature at the start line. The shuttle did arrive and I was very impressed that the hotel had commissioned such a nice vehicle complete with water and PowerAde. Thankfully I had taken the shuttle because the traffic to the start line was very heavy but the shuttle was able to make their own way and we arrived in plenty of time.

Unlike five years ago the start went off smoothly. Five years ago the start was delayed 15 minutes due to the traffic but I guess all the kinks had been worked out since that inaugural event. I was feeling a bit nervous and a bit cold but I knew the temperature would quickly increase as the miles went on. The openings festivities were very nice complete with the newly appointed Arizona governor making the opening remarks and firing the start pistol; with this sound over 7,000 of us were embarking on a 26.2 mile journey.

I was hoping to run at a little slower pace than my most recent marathon because I was hoping to have something in the tank over the last few miles. I did hit my pace goals for the first 23 miles and I was running with the 3:20 pace group. Normally I don’t run with anyone but I decided to hang with this pace group and was enjoying the camaraderie. I was also enjoying the fact that as we headed into mile 20 the wind became a headwind and we all formed a single file line basically drafting off one and another. Oops I am getting ahead of myself; at about the halfway point I thought I would see my family since the course veered fairly close to the hotel. Five years ago the course went directly in front of the hotel but has changed course since that time. Incidentally that was the time I had to pull out of the race as my knee was killing me. As we made it to the halfway point I didn’t see my family but quickly realized the course was about 2 miles from the hotel and most likely my family wouldn’t make it. It would have been great to see them but it just wasn’t meant to be. I made it to the halfway point at the requisite pace and proceeded into the second half.

As I mentioned it was good to run with the pacer for the 3:20 goal and I was hanging in there. I’m not sure what happened but with a little less than 3 miles to go my legs just wouldn’t respond and I couldn’t stay with the pace group and once again the prospect of finishing in 3 hours and 20 minutes faded away. I tried to dig deep but at mile 24 there was an incline all but sealing my fate. I didn’t hit my time goal and finished the race in 3 hours and 24 minutes. I was a bit disappointed but knew I wouldn’t make it as in the final 10 minutes; my legs once again didn’t have the bounce they had in the first 23 miles and it just wasn’t meant to be.

As I headed down the homestretch I looked for my family but didn’t see them. I crossed the finish line and was tired but not devastated emotionally nor physically. I walked around the finishing area picking up some water and other goodies making my way to where the families were. I once again looked around and didn’t see my family. I realized that the finishing area was a bit confusing since the half marathon had a different finish area than the full marathon. I didn’t panic and made my way over to the “family reunion” area. I asked a very nice person if I could borrow their cell phone and was able to call my wife. I could tell by her voice she was a bit frustrated but she was fairly close. About 5 minutes later my family came up to me and it was great to see them.

My wife did have a difficult time with the lack of organization and did feel frustrated. This was okay and all that matter to me was that they were here now. No, they didn’t see me cross the finish line but when I handed my medal to my son (yes, it was his turn to garnish the medal) it was all good!! This was one of those special little moments and the fact that my daughter asked me how old you need to be to run in a half marathon meant the world. My daughter wants to run a half marathon which could be in only one year from now. I wouldn’t push my daughter into doing anything she didn’t want to do and hearing this was incredible. It would be so great to run with her and I would care less about any time goal knowing my daughter was by my side. Okay, I didn’t make the time goal but all of that is meaningless knowing the three most important people in my life were with me and that is all that matters to me.

"Expo" Day and a Wonderful Evening

There are many keys to a successful marathon as there are many keys to a disastrous marathon. Yes, my first marathon would be a “disaster” in my book and the last time I was in Arizona to run a marathon was another disaster and I do want to redeem myself. This morning one of the keys to success was accomplished with a good night’s sleep. The night before a marathon is not the night to get a good rest because I know my mind is turning and I am concerned about getting up in the morning so the onus becomes the night before (last night). As long as I can get a restful sleep two nights before the marathon I know everything is going to be alright. This is one of the reasons I wanted to drive in on Friday as opposed to Saturday. I didn’t want to sit in a car for nearly 6 hours the day before the marathon and I wanted that good night’s sleep. I did get that good night’s sleep and everyone was happy to be in Phoenix.

This morning we leisurely woke up and headed down to the lobby for breakfast. As is always the case the “guys” in the family were ahead of the “gals” so my son and I made our way downstairs for the breakfast. I am a big fan of these hotels that supply breakfast as an amenity. It can get costly to feed a family of four and this morning we didn’t have to worry about the prices because the breakfast was already included. These breakfasts have come a long way over the years because I can remember when I used to travel regularly for business that there wasn’t much for me to eat at these breakfasts. However; now I am able to get the “healthy” options and my son can get his favorite which is in the unhealthy category; bacon.

The “gals” did make their way downstairs before the breakfast was closed. We had a very enjoyable breakfast and we were ready to go back to the room so everyone could get ready to make our way over the Expo for the marathon. I believe this is my wife’s favorite part of the marathon because each marathon has their own version of the Expo. It is a flea market for runners along with weekend days at Costco where they give out many free samples. My wife is not a runner but she does enjoy shopping and believe it or not she doesn’t even have to buy anything in order to have a good time shopping. I think this is why she really enjoys the Expos.

Today was unusual because I actually had to purchase some items and this made my wife “concentrate” even more during the Expo. She knew what I needed and would do her best to find those items. Unfortunately I am not as attuned as my wife when it comes to shopping and I am the kind of person where I find what I need and move on whereas my wife consternates obsessively when looking for items. I do have to give her credit she does find some real bargains. There really weren’t any real bargains to be had today but we were able to find the items I needed. Invariably I tend to forget at least one item and today that item was the belt I use to hold my water bottle. This isn’t a necessity on short runs but it is a necessity for a marathon so my wife was able to find one that worked.

Our bag was bulging with all the free samples and I think everyone had a good time. There was a booth that was giving away free bread but to obtain the free bread each person had to spin a way. Of course I refused to spin the wheel because in my mind that is gambling. This could be construed as a bit extreme or even militant and even my wife looked at me as if I were crazy. The outcome was sort of predetermined so in the strictest sense this would not be gambling as everyone was sort of given the free loaf of bread but I didn’t want to have anything to do with the spinning of the wheel. I still cringe at the remotest sight of gambling and this is all part of my recovery. Page 17 of the Gamblers Anonymous Combo Book clearly states; “Don’t gamble for anything”, and I take this literally. I am serious about my recovery and clearly this is the reason my life is incredible because without recovery my life would be non-existent.

After the Expo we went back to the hotel so the children could go swimming. Oh yes, the temperature was in the low 80’s and I do feel a little guilty knowing the vast majority of this country is having an Arctic Blast; however; not guilty enough to just enjoy the warm temperatures. The children had a great time and another benefit of recovery is having so many wonderful people associated. This evening we were going to visit one of these wonderful people who live about 40 minutes from our hotel. This wonderful person is a true example how well life works in recovery and because of recovery their life is indeed wonderful.

We took the drive and met this dear friend in their new house and a very nice town. We were given a tour of the house and knowing this person’s story I had chills looking around the beautiful home. Then we were given a tour of the town which looks very much where we live in California and we treated for a very lovely dinner. The evening was a great deal of fun and once again the blessings of recovery were very evident all day long.

Heading Out East for the Marathon

The last day of my training regimen has come and the marathon is in only 48 more hours. I think I have logged nearly 600 miles over the last 12 weeks and this all came to an end with a small 4 mile run this morning. It appears most everyone at the gym is aware of the fact that I am running a marathon on Sunday. It isn’t something I have advertised and it isn’t something I have boasted about. I have been asked why I run so long and my answer is that I am training for a marathon.

I remember my first marathon back in 2002 which started with a mere suggestion from a co-worker. I thought I was in good shape because I have worked out for years but was never really serious about running. I ran cross country in high school but that was only to get me prepared for basketball season. I hated the fact that after the long runs back then I couldn’t walk downstairs and my cross country running career was practically ended. I did run on my own for about a 6 month period again in high school and my “claim to fame” was running 2 miles in 12 minutes. Thankfully some 25 plus years later I can actually surpass this accomplishment because of that innocent conversation I had back in 2002. I thought that it couldn’t be that hard to run 26.2 miles because I was in shape boy was I wrong!! I had no idea what I was getting myself into. That first marathon was the hardest and I was pissed after completing the run. I was not even close to my goal time and I felt embarrassed. Of course now I realize that was my ego talking and I shouldn’t be embarrassed for completing a marathon no matter how long it took.

Yes, after my first marathon I had to “save face” with myself and one year later I took over 30 minutes off my finishing time. Then on my third marathon I failed to finish because I developed tendinitis on my right knee during the race and had enough at the 15 mile mark. That would be the one and only marathon I have failed to finish and incidentally that was the Arizona Rock n’ Roll Marathon inaugural race in 2004. Since that time I have completed 5 other marathons and 3 of those have come in the past 7 months. Yes, my ego is telling me I had “unfinished” business in Arizona which leads me to this weekend. I am fortunate enough to be able to “redeem” myself by running the marathon and hopefully complete that redemption with a finishing time that qualifies me for the Boston Marathon.

Five years ago my family and I flew to Phoenix for the marathon but this year we decided to drive. After working this morning and incidentally I had the strangest conversation with a vendor who swore to me they didn’t offer something they clearly offered because I was staring at as we spoke. Anyhow I picked the children up early from school and the mini-van was all packed and we headed east to Phoenix. It is a little over 350 miles which could be a long way but when the entire family has driven across country twice it is just a small trip!!! I do find it so strange that having lived out west for over 15 years now that it really isn’t anything to make 200 and 300 mile car trips whereas on the east coast this is very unfamiliar unless you are going to Florida for the annual summer vacation from New Jersey!!!

The mini-van was indeed all packed and we were driving east. The drive wasn’t the most exciting as there really isn’t anything between here and Phoenix other than a great deal of desert. California is not only a long state but a deceptively wide state and my son just couldn’t understand why it would take us 5 ½ hours to get to Phoenix when it was “just the next state”. I had to explain and show him the map that just because it was the next state didn’t mean we would be there in less than an hour and as we drove I think he understood how wide California really is.

The children are great passengers and of course having the DVD in the minivan is a God send!! This keeps them occupied and also teaches them the principle of taking turns. Each of them alternates in picking out a movie so there isn’t any fighting and really my son is so amiable and will watch just about any movie. The trip was uneventful and we arrived safely in Phoenix to same hotel we stayed five years ago. There was a little issue with our room but fortunately “cooler heads” prevailed and we were able to get the room we had anticipated. After a very nice dinner we headed back to the room for a good night’s rest.

Running Shoes Saga

The morning had me at the gym for my last intense workout before Sunday’s marathon. This training program has been the longest training I have had for a marathon and looking back may have been too long. I have been reading articles that state that the amount of training time for a marathon should be between 8 and 12 weeks. I am at the high end of that range having completed 12 weeks. The past two marathons were 10 week sessions and seemed a little better. I am not sure what this says for Sunday as I seek that elusive 3 hour and 20 minute goal to get me into the Boston Marathon. I did see that there was a half marathon that promoted qualifying for the Boston Marathon and I was unaware of any half marathons that would allow a person to qualify for the Boston Marathon. I do find that the 13.1 mile distance is much more conducive to quicker recovery (in the body sense) as opposed to a full marathon so I may investigate this a bit further.

I completed the intense session with a very good run. I have noticed that my quadriceps have been much tighter than usual. My quads almost feel like they do after a very long run and I am not sure what has caused this to happen. I did order new running shoes last month which produced the ugly blood blister on my foot which caused me to order another pair this week. This is a no-no in preparing for a marathon because the number one rule for a marathon is to NOT do anything different than in training the number two rule is to NOT wear a brand new pair of running shoes.

I remember running in the La Jolla half marathon with a pair of brand new running shoes. It was a good run but I felt this rubbing sensation on the back of my ankle all throughout that race but of course finished the race not really thinking about it so when I went to take off my running shoes I was shocked to see a huge blood stain on my sock and the running shoes. The new running shoes were rubbing into my ankle all through the race and I had a hole in that ankle when I completed the race. Yes, that is one of the reasons why a person shouldn’t wear a brand new pair of running shoes during any race. Now I am hoping to be able to break in the running shoes I just received yesterday.

I try to be an equal opportunity purchaser of running shoes and don’t really have a loyalty to any one particular running shoe company. I have had pairs of Nike, New Balance, Brooks, Asics, Adidas and the last pair I purchased was Saucony which caused the blood blisters. My feet have a very high arch which does add some complexity to my running shoe dilemma. Incidentally because of this high arch I can’t wear loafers or any other shoe that doesn’t have support; my feet just slip in and out of these types of shoes.

My high arch does call for a specific shoe and the fact that I do log many miles also narrows done this search. I tried unsuccessfully to find some of the higher rated running shoes but they were all on backorder. I did heed a suggestion and found a pair of Adidas running shoes which are successors to a pair I already own. Anyhow to make a long story longer these arrived yesterday and I have two more runs before the marathon to break them in. The run this morning did go very well and the running shoes felt great. These are very light shoes but provided the most amount of cushion I have ever felt in a pair of running shoes. Hopefully this will be the case on Sunday with 26.2 miles in store.

Today was a day of just doing what I was told. I have been given another opportunity to expand with the company I work for and I was very grateful for the opportunity. I have come to find out that there are people in this world that come into my life for a reason and it truly is the “Law of Attraction”. I have gone into the “The Secret” and the “The Power of Intention” in the past and I am a huge believer of these things. I think I do this at a more subconscious level than conscious level and to me this is how it has to be. The “Law of Attraction” is innate and can sift through those disingenuous folks. I am blessed to have some many incredible people in my life and this is all because of the “Law of Attraction” which certainly works both ways. This isn’t a one way street so the “I wish I had 10 million dollars” just doesn’t work but the living a clear positive life does work extremely well especially with recovery.

Positive Paperwork

I enjoyed another day of as I head into the marathon which meant there wasn’t a need to go to the gym this morning. Instead I had to take a drive to a very familiar place so I could pick up my “permission slip” in order to travel to the marathon. Yes, I still need permission to leave the state; however; unlike my first attempt to travel this was very easy. I had to marvel as to how far I have come over the past year. Early on I was hoping to travel to New Jersey for my daughter’s communion which didn’t happen; however; I was allowed to travel to New Jersey in order to drive back here to California with my family. After that everything seemed to change for the better and today my meeting was very pleasurable.

I was able to obtain the necessary paperwork to travel to Phoenix this weekend and the interaction was remarkable. I was told that I am approaching the one year mark of my parole and all has gone very well. This was very good because my discharge will be forthcoming since there hasn’t been any “drama” with me. This is exactly how I envisioned everything to go and it truly is amazing how incredible my life has become all because of recovery. I may have gotten off to a rocky start but as usual everything has worked out as it should which is again for the very best.

I had to marvel as I saw the word “outstanding” on the travel pass and this was meant in the positive manner as opposed to the negative. I have seen my share of “official” paperwork over the past few years and none of it has contained a positive description until today. I take this to be a good sign and a sign that life in recovery is the only way to proceed. Without a life in recovery none of this exists and living with a positive purpose certainly changes life for the better. This was a very good morning.

As I sat in the very familiar office I just watched many people filter into and out of the office. It is strange how my brain does conveniently forget the past. I did forget that there was a different language while I served my sentence and I was reintroduced to this language as I waited in the office. It didn’t take long but I did remember and had to smile. The world is made up of all types of people and I realize in the past I would have turned up my big nose at certain types of people but I have learned to only take inventory of myself and not others.

I drove back to the office with the paperwork in hand knowing I can now officially head off to Phoenix for the marathon this weekend. Yes, I drove back to the office and lately I am spending more time in the office as my responsibilities continue to grow. I do enjoy the diversity of my job and today was no exception. My responsibilities range from marketing to development to administrative and everything in between. I am learning a great deal about this business and really it is a business that operates just like most other businesses. Thankfully one of the advantages of this business is helping people rebuild their lives. Unfortunately not everyone is successful in rebuilding their lives but the people who do makes it all worthwhile.

No Competition

The day went by so quickly yesterday because I had so much to do; however; I have come to find out that the days go by at the same speed no matter the activity and it is up to me to get the most of the day. Hopefully I did get the most out of the day yesterday and hopefully I get the most out of everyday! The day did move along and I did find myself at the Monday Evening Gamblers Anonymous Speaker’s meeting as the Secretary for the first time. The Secretary positions are supposed to change hands every six months and this would mark the first meeting of my six month term. This meeting is a little different from most of the meetings in our area because it is a “Speaker’s” meeting which means one person speaks for the majority of the one hour meeting. Additionally this meeting only last one hour and we do our best to get in and get out in that hour time limit.

The Secretary of this meeting is responsible for “booking” the speakers and it is helpful if that person has a little time in the program. It would be difficult for a new member to be a Secretary in this meeting so it makes sense to have someone with time in the program. I don’t have a great deal of time as I am approaching my fourth year in Gamblers Anonymous but thankfully I continue to meet some many people in the program. This evening I asked a very special member to speak and I had never heard this member’s full story. This member joined the fellowship as I served my sentence but did participate in the bi-monthly GA meeting at “camp” even though this person only had nearly 30 days in the program. I found this to be amazing because the first time we met was when I was wearing all “orange” and to be that is the power of the program at work.

I was so impressed that this member not only came that time but came several other times as well. I realized that this person was very serious about their recovery and it is no surprise that they are very involved with the fellowship. I enjoyed this member tonight as I did get the full story.

I realize that most people are fixated about the “money” when they enter Gamblers Anonymous and few fail to realize that it isn’t about the money. Yes, many people have lost millions and others have lost a great deal less but I go back to the story I heard about a young man who was in the parking lot of a GA meeting after having shared that they lost $800. This may not seem like a great deal of money but the burden was so heavy on this member that they took their own life in the parking lot of the GA meeting. That story alone confirms to me that it doesn’t matter what dollar amount and really the amount is insignificant. I bring this up because this incredible member who spoke this evening did mention dollar amounts.

I attended a birthday celebration and one of the guidelines at this meeting addressed the mentioning of dollar amounts lost and won. This was frowned upon and I would have to agree. Of course this is my own opinion so take it for whatever it is worth. I feel if dollar amounts are mentioned than it becomes sort of a competition and those who are not in that “ballpark” may think they aren’t as bad and not need the fellowship. I know I need and want the fellowship because it does save my life each and every day so hopefully the “competition” of who lost what is set aside for what really matters which is recovering from a baffling insidious disease.

The meeting went well and I had to scold myself because I ran two minutes over. I was very impressed as to how many people were in attendance. I was attended the very first speaker meeting three years ago and at that meeting we had four people. Tonight the attendance quadrupled which is another testament of the GA Program. I was happy to be in attendance and hear this very powerful story knowing I am on the right road of recovery.

This morning I found myself at the gym for a very small 4 mile run. It is so strange how well I felt after I ran 24 miles 2 weeks ago and today how I labored through the small run. I realize this is all psychological and I am well prepared for Sunday’s marathon. I have to stay true to myself and my commitment to run to the best of my ability those 26.2 miles and I will. I do find it funny struggling through a run which is a mere warm-up but all those aches and pains of the past few weeks are starting to subside.

I had another very busy day and I was running all around today. This is so cool that I can stay so busy doing different things every day. I was originally brought on as a marketing consultant but my priorities have shifted and I am doing a little bit of everything. Incidentally, yesterday during the meeting when I potentially saw one of my biggest responsibilities disappear I had two very interesting conversations that would fill that void. These can fill that void and also enhance my day to day activities. Of course, I will continue to address life one day at a time and I know whatever does happens will happen for the very best!

Looking Up

I did miss my usual Sunday evening Gamblers Anonymous meeting last night since I took my mother to the airport but this was okay. It was okay because tonight would be my first meeting as Secretary of the Monday evening Speaker’s meeting. I would still like to keep my commitment to the Sunday GA meeting even on those weeks I Secretary the Speaker’s meeting; however; this week it just seemed “right” to take my mother to the airport. Next week I will miss the Sunday meeting again as we will be in Arizona. I have had a friend who lives in the area we will be in next week that offered to take me to a GA meeting next week. This is the “power” of the program and I am blessed to know people all across the country who are members of this wonderful fellowship. I am not sure if I can fit this in or am I sure if I will be in any shape to attend a meeting after running 26.2 miles but the option certainly exists.

As we drove back from the airport I had promised my son to stop at a store to pick him up something I promised I would buy him and of course since my daughter was with us I couldn’t leave her out. I didn’t leave her out and she did add to her Webkinz collection which incidentally my dear friends who are so thoughtful also added to both my daughter and son’s Webkinz collection the other night. (Thank you so very much!!) We made the stop and both of my children were very grateful for the items. Incidentally my son opted for the Pokémon cards instead of another Webkinz. I sort of don’t get the whole Pokémon card “thing” but I noticed there is some type of “game” the children play. It isn’t like when I played baseball cards as a child because I would “lose” those baseball cards which were an early form of gambling. This appears to be an early form of “collecting” which is so much better than the alternative.

The evening went very well and we did our best to get the children to sleep at a “decent” hour as they finally go back to school tomorrow. They were in bed at that decent hour and I made it a point to wake them up early this morning in hopes they would get to sleep early tonight. My son has no difficulties in getting up or going to sleep; the problem is with my daughter who has difficulty in both areas; getting up and going to sleep. This appears to be the nature of the “beast” and something we are going to be dealing with for the near future. The only concern I have is the fact that my daughter is getting enough sleep because I would swear she falls asleep much too late for someone her age. There are days we she is very active and still has difficulty in falling asleep. I guess there is something in her “make-up” that establishes her as a true night person whereas my son is clearly a true morning person.

I can draw parallels between my wife and me as I am the morning person and my wife is the night person so all of this shouldn’t be a surprise. It really isn’t a surprise and I surmise that this may change over the course of time since both of my children are still young. Whatever happens I will continue to monitor the amount of sleep my daughter gets and hope she does receive the requisite amount.

This morning I was scheduled for an off day as I really prepare for the upcoming marathon. This is a very easy week when it comes to the training schedule as the real test comes on Sunday. I often wonder if those elite athletes taper this much into a race because those folks are running three times as much as I do and I have a hard time understanding how they can go from running nearly 200 miles a week to running “only” 120 miles a week. I guess it is all relative as my mile total will be 35% less than my average mileage over the course of this particular training program.

I did welcome the day off since I had to make a very long drive to a very important meeting this morning. I made this drive even longer because I input the incorrect zip code into the GPS and was routed 30 miles off course. I finally corrected myself as I realized that the meeting wasn’t being held in a parking lot for a shipping container!! I arrived almost an hour late and yes, most of this time was spent with my “detour” but the traffic was horrendous. I have no idea how people commute in Southern California on a daily basis. There was one point where I went 30 miles in an hour and fifteen minutes. I did state the “Serenity Prayer” often this morning since there wasn’t much I could do about the traffic.

I finally made it to the meeting and yes, the information was very important. My company is embarking into a very significant endeavor and this endeavor was issued a slight set back this morning. The information we received was not exactly positive and did conflict with our time goals. I have faith that there is an alternate plan and everything will work out for the very best. The people I work for are very creative and thankfully I have friends who are extremely knowledgeable in the areas where I know basically nothing. I wasn’t deterred with the information and will continue to move forward.