Sleeping off the ground does indeed have its merit. It felt good to have some separation from Mother Earth and I did sleep very well. Along with being able to sleep in an actual bed, I was also looking forward to exercising. I did my best to get in some hiking over the past 9 days to provide some type of exercise, but it was not a good replacement for my regular exercise program. Since I no longer have to go our of the camp on fires, I can get into a good rhythm with my exercise program and today was a great start. It was wonderful to run this morning and with the higher than usual humidity, I got a very good sweat going. While I was running down the steep portion of the little hill, I turned my ankle on a rock. This was the third time in the past week. Today I was wearing my running shoes – not hiking boots which are low cut and don’t provide much ankle support like my hiking boots. I turned my ankle as far as I could without breaking it, but remarkably I was able to run off any discomfort. I do take these signs seriously which is why I do my best to be careful. I am not the most flexible person in the world but judging by what happened to my ankles, I do have very strong muscles supporting them. I was able to finish my run without incident. The early morning workouts were surely missed and now I won’t miss one since I will be in camp for the next 6 months.
Today was the start of my new career as a bathroom porter which changed my daily routine. I no longer have to be “booted and suited”. I do wear my boots while cleaning the bathroom because the only other alternative I have are my running shoes and wearing doesn’t make much sense. Everything went smoothly this morning and I still had to venture up to the bus area to off load my fire equipment. I had to return all of the fire gear and also had to endure the tradition of having a bucket (Gatorade bucket) of ice water dumped on me as a going away present from the crew. Anytime a person departs from a crew, the bucket of ice water is dumped on them and I was fully expecting it this morning. There was a point where I thought this would not happen because the 2 CO’s on duty are sticklers for the rules. However; one of crew mates waited for the opportune time and did dump the water on me. I was distracted by another crew member and was caught by surprise. The ice water felt good because the temperature was already approaching 90 degrees at 8:30 am. This was all in good fun and I got a good laugh. The CO on duty didn’t find any humor in this and later told me I needed to stop the “horseplay.” I wasn’t going to engage him in a discussion and said “Okay” as I walked back to my dorm to change my wet shirt.
I felt strange leaving the guys on my crew but I was already replaced with a new arrival. I enjoyed the brief 3 month stay as an inmate/firefighter and liked everyone on my crew. Coming in camp made complete sense for me and is the right thing to do. The crew will go on very well without me. I gained some good experience and met some very good people, but it was time for me to move on. The departing bathroom porter was there to train me and this would be his last day. There wasn’t much training to do since I have already worked with him a few times. I do have a helper who I know very well. He will be with me for the next month as he paroles on September 30th. After that I don’t know if anyone else will help out but the position is designed for only one person. I welcome any assistance, but if I don’t have any that will be fine.
Now that I am a bathroom porter, the tenor of these blogs will no doubt become very boring much like the time I spent working in the kitchen at the reception center. I don’t intend on boring anyone with the details of cleaning the two bathrooms as my life becomes very routine. This will be much the same Monday thru Friday which is wake up, exercise, etc. What I will write about is anyone’s guess because these days will be the same. Oddly, I am embracing the sameness. As the outgoing bathroom porter told me, my time will be very level as opposed to the ups and downs of being a firefighter. I will use this time in a constructive manner as I have used the past 13 ½ months. Time will continue to race by and March 2, 2008 will be here very soon.
I finished cleaning the bathroom and believe it or not I actually broke a good sweat. This was most likely due to the very warm temperatures and high humidity. Whatever the case I needed a shower. At noon there is a check-in and at 1:00 pm there is another check-in. Also during this hour the telephones are turned on and if need be I can place telephone calls at this time. I didn’t need to do that today so I just ate lunch. I was given soy baloney and did enjoy the sandwich I made with it. The rest of the afternoon I wrote and wrote and wrote some more. I chronicled the last week on the fire and before I knew it, it was time for the 4:15 check-in. The day had gone by very quickly and so will the remaining 184 days.
I wrote up until dinner and afterward Io remained outside talking with two friends at the table. Now I have much more time during the day. This can be construed as a negative; however, this time is what I make of it. The Serenity Prayer states:
“God Grant me the SERENITY to ACCEPT the things I CANNOT change, the COURAGE to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the difference.”
When I was on the fire crew, I accepted the fact that I was at the mercy of others and made the best use of my time. Now I do have a job to do and I will clean those bathrooms to the best of ability. I am somewhat still at the mercy of others but to a lesser extent and I am gaining back a little more of my time. The next 6 months will be enjoyable and I will be with my family very soon.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Zacca Fire August 23rd-30th
The fire bus departed the camp at 6:30 pm Wednesday, August 22 enroute to the second largest wildfire in California history. This fire had burned some 240,000 acres. The largest wildfire on record in California history was the Cedar Fire (San Diego County) which burned almost 270,000 acres and destroyed approximately 5000 structures. That fire occurred in 2003 and I remember seeing ash at our house which was over 70 miles from the fire. Zacca had fortunately not burned any structures nor were there any deaths. The fire is located in the Los Padres National Forest which is a huge area spanning from south of Santa Barbara to north of Monterey.
The rushing of the fire call had begun with the fire meal dinner. The two crews which were due out on the fire were allowed to eat first; however, we were rushed through the entire meal. A few minutes into the meal “mail call” was announced for those of us eating which meant we had to stop and go outside near the office to receive our mail. Yes, the chaos had begun. I did my best to stay present and not let all of the chaos affect me. I did well because as I was going toward the bus, I passed one of the CO’s and said, “I like the organization we have here.” The CO laughed and replied “Ain’t it great!” Chaos does reign during these times and now I can view it without getting caught up. My life was so chaotic and now it is peaceful. Fortunately, I continue to learn more and more about myself which is all very positive.
The bus was off and we were off to fight the wildfire. The rumor was that the two crews could be gone for 3 weeks. This was based on the twp returning crews which were gone for 20 days fighting the same fire. I had my doubts about being gone for the 21 days but was prepared for anything. The bus ride to the staging area of the fire was uneventful, thankfully. Our Captain seems to have difficulty staying awake on the overnight bus rides but on this trip he was fine. We pulled in to the staging area near 11:00 pm where we would spend the night and in the morning we would find out our assignment. The wake up was at 5:00 am so by the time all of our gear was situated most of us got 5 hours of sleep. I got less because I have a difficult time sleeping on the ground underneath a tent in a sleeping bag. Nonetheless, I was awake before the wake up call. Upon getting up, we are required to re-pack everything we brought out from the bus because we never know where the day will take us. Of course, the rushing began once again and it was the typical hurry up and wait. We ate breakfast and got our sack lunches while we waited for our assignment. Finally 2 ½ hours after waking up we received an assignment for the day.
This fire started on July 4th and has spread ever since. Our assignment was to rehab the area where the burn started last month. In fact, this wasn’t a burn area at all, it was a contingency area and now that the fire has gone southward, this area had to be put back together. When fighting wildland fires, lines are cut around certain areas to prevent the fire from spreading. Which are the most important tactic. Yes, water drops and retardant drops are made but this only slows the progress of the fire and does not extinguish it. During a fire of this magnitude, very large lines are cut and bulldozers are utilized. These lines can be miles long and 40 feet wide. During our assignment, we encountered a line miles long and 30 feet wide. Since this is a National forest, the bulldozer line had to be put back to its original state. This meant we had to smooth out the tractor marks and take the cut brush from the sides and lay it on the bulldozer line. This isn’t exactly fire fighting, but it is a function a=our crews provide. This was going to be a 24 hour assignment; however, as darkness fell we were able to move to a campsite for the night. Working a 24 hour shift has many more benefits than working a 12 hour shift. Since we were able to work 24 hours, we would have the following 24 hours off. This is so much better than working 12 hours and having 12 hours off. This type of shift has the crews going and going everyday. Whereas the 24 hour shift provides more rest and downtime.
The work for the day was done and I accomplished my goal of always moving forward. Before going to sleep, I ate my dinner which was a vegetarian meal. I have so fortunate all throughout this journey and this good fortune showed through my lunches. There is only one other inmate who is on the other crew who also receives the vegetarian meal and I do like being on a fire with him because at least I am not alone on my eating choices. Anyhow, I had a great salad and in the salad I put tuna. Yes, I would not go hungry on this trip.
It was time to go to sleep and I was able to fall asleep very quickly since I had little sleep over the past two nights. Unfortunately, I didn’t stay asleep very long. I heard my name being called by one of my crewmembers. He called my name to tell me there were several skunks walking around the campground. This cry of skunk went all around many of my crewmembers. When I finally realized what was going on, a smile across my face and I had to chuckle. I am by no means an outdoor person, but I do know that if I don’t bother the skunks, they won’t bother me. We went back to sleep and a few hours later, the skunk cry was revisited. One of the skunks got into a crewmembers backpack and was munching on a piece of chicken. The backpack was located only a few feet away from his head so he was a bit startled. Fortunately, the skunks didn’t spray anyone nor did they abduct anyone as well. I did find both skunk events very funny and it did make me smile.
The night was over and so was our shift. We packed up and headed back to the staging area for the 24 hour downtime. We had breakfast, took a shower which was surprisingly very hot, and for about 3 hours I tried to sleep. As the day progressed, the tent became very warm. There were 30 guys in the tent with very little ventilation. A portable swamp cooler was brought in but only seemed to cool off a few feet.
Another interesting event occurred during this period of downtime. One of the CO’s thought they overheard an inmate speaking on a cell phone while the inmate was in a port-o-potty. Cell phones are a huge no no in prison for a multitude of reasons so the CO acted accordingly. The only issue was the inmate was talking to another inmate in the next booth. The inmate in question was searched upon exiting and no cell phone was found. The port-o-potty was searched and once again nothing was found. The CO was very insistent on finding the alleged cell phone that everyone inside the tent was searched. Not only was everyone searched physically so was all of their belongings. Yes, this is camp but it is still prison and these things do happen.
The funny incident happened when the CO started searching everyone inside the tent. The first person the CO went to was one of my friends who is as square as I am and there was no way he could have contraband. However, he was told to strip down to his boxers. The problem was he didn’t have any on and was being searched by a female officer. He didn’t immediately take off his pants and explained that he wasn’t wearing any because he forgot to put a clean pair in the bag when he went to take a shower. This whole scene seemed to fluster the CO and somewhat embarrassed my friend. A compromise was agreed upon as his pants stayed on but were shaken a few times to uncover anything concealed. Of course, nothing was found on him and once again I smiled throughout the entire incident. The search did not stop there and everyone’s belongings were turned upside down. A few contraband items were found but no cell phone. The event did break up my day and the rest of the day was uneventful as dinner time arrived. Prior to going to sleep, we were informed that the fire jumped the line and we would be going out at 2:30 in the morning. Yes, it would be another night of little sleep.
Somehow I always manage to get up before the wake up call occurs and today was no exception. We boarded the bus at 3:30 am and drove 2 ½ hours to the other end of the fire. We drove 120 miles and it was still part of the same fire. We entered another staging area and had breakfast prior to going out on the fire line. After breakfast we received our instructions and went out to the fire line. This is where I could see the damage of the fire. I looked east and west – all I could see was blackened hillsides. Fire is so amazing that in the area where we were located there was a small section in a drainage ditch which was untouched by fire. The peculiar thing was all around this was burned area yet somehow nature spared this patch. I noticed a tree about 30 feet which was exactly half burned while the other half was untouched. Nature and with it fire is such a powerful source. I am in awe of this power and respect it tremendously.
Our assignment for today was to join the other crew and several other crews from different fire camps at the top of the mountain. This is where we were supposed to cut a fire cline. Since there was the unburned area in the drainage, one crew had to stay near the middle section to keep an eye on the unburned section. This provided a lookout for the crews on top of the ridge. My crew was the lookout. Hiking is my favorite part about going out on these hikes and I was looking forward to the long hike but got shortsided when we stopped at the middle. I felt a bit jealous as the other crews went to the top but I understand the need to have a lookout. The area surrounding the unburned section was still smoldering. There wasn’t any visible flames but the area was hot. Our job as well as being a lookout was to mop up the burn area. While we were doing this, a small section of the unburned area caught on fire. Our crew put a small line around the area and within minutes the fire was out. I had no idea cutting a 2 foot wide, 60 feet long into the dirt could be so effective at fighting a fire but it was.
The rest of the day was mop up and lookout duty. This was another 24 hour shift but we wouldn’t have the luxury of sleeping at a campsite in the sleeping bags. We had to remain on the fire line to ensure nothing caught fire because there were still crews at the top of the ridge. My crew spread out along the hillside. I took a position with the Swamper of my crew near the top section. I was able to get in a little more hiking with him because we went up further to check a hot spot which was quickly extinguished with some dirt and we returned to our perch. I had a great view of all the mountain peaks and even with the burned area the scene was very peaceful. I soaked all the beauty in and was enjoying every moment. It is moments like these that I am so happy to be in recovery because now I know how to live in the moment. This was a breathtaking moment and all the inconsequential rushing and other little inconveniences were well worth being able to be on this hilltop.
We would take shifts staying awake throughout the night which was rather warm as the cloud cover rolled in. This blocked all the stars and kept the temperature warm. I did stay awake most of the night because I couldn’t get comfortable on the hard ground. The night sky also provided lightning shows which was heat lightning and I never fell in any danger. The sun had yet to come up but our shift was over. It was time to walk down the mountain in the dark. I do wear a headlamp which does provide some light but it is still dangerous. I took about 4 steps and stepped into a hole which twisted my ankle temporarily. Thankfully, the hiking boots provided great support and after taking a few more steps, I was fine. This was a reminder to me to take my time and go slow. Getting hurt on the fire line is a real possibility and unfortunately the consequences of getting hurt are very bad. This is why I took my time going back down the mountain. The entire crew made it back to the bus without incident. We waited for the other crew to arrive and when they did, we headed back to the staging area.
When we stepped off the bus at the staging area – also know as base camp – the CO’s rushed us to provide enough time for all of the crews. I can understand this but the last thing anyone wants to hear after being on the fire line for 24 hours is someone – heck anyone – yelling at them. Well, this is what happened – the CO’s were barking instructions to us the minute we stepped off the bus. This didn’t help the energy level of the crews, but it is a very strong part of our day to day life. I maintained an inner smile and kept up with positive self talk. In spite of my best efforts, I was indeed tired and starting to show the effects. I was growing an ugly cold sore on my upper lip which was directly caused by lack of sleep. Also, I did my best to keep to myself so I wouldn’t get short with anyone. My focus was on the cold sore which I do get from time to time all throughout my life. I have a good defense against these sores in taking 3000 milligrams of lysine and apply Abreva to the infected area. This worked well when I was not incarcerated and unfortunately neither lysine nor Abreva are available to me. Thankfully, a member of the other crew who is also susceptible to cold sores lent me his Carmex which helps alleviate them. It does appear I have a long way to go in self-healing because the cold sore only got bigger as the days went on. In this environment there are no secrets nor is there any decorum as I had almost everyone as me, “What is that on your lip?” I explained ad everyone seemed to say, “Oh.”
We rushed through breakfast only to have to wait 1 ½ hours for the showers. They felt good but the constant yelling by the CO was a definite distraction. We returned to or tent to find out we had to share it with another crew from another camp. These tents fit 30 people comfortably. Now we were asked to share with 15 more guys which made matters a bit cramped. Sleep has become a precious commodity on this trip and even though I was exhausted, I had difficulty sleeping in these conditions. I was situated in a very bad spot inside the tent near the swamp cooler so it was cool during the day but I was surrounded by 4 other guys in a very tight space. I had feet in my face, back, legs, and head. No, it wasn’t very comfortable, but I did manage a few hours of sleep and felt rested.
Te rest of the day was uneventful except for the fact that I saw my friend from my old dorm at Jamestown. He was the one who was a PFT Instructor with me and he always had a great positive attitude. It was great to see him and great to see that he hadn’t changed one bit. He was still very positive and exhibits very high energy. I talked with him for a wile along with a couple of his crew member. Apparently, that particular fire camp was not well thought of according to several of the guys, but my friend seemed to be enjoying himself immensely. He is a wonderful guy and I had been looking to see him for awhile.
The 5:00 am wake up call came and as usual I was once again ready well in advance. I didn’t sleep very well due to the close quarters and the fact it was exceedingly cold as the swamp cooler ran all night long. Being cold and my very sensitive bladder does not make for a good mixture. Yes, I was up all night long. The assignment for today was to ensure there weren’t any hot spots in the burned area. Once again this isn’t exactly the high profile work of firefighters but it is necessary. The area where we were located had burned 8 days prior and finding a hot spot was difficult. I kept moving forward and did my best. The temperature extremes were huge; during the day, it was very warm and at night the lows hit 40 degrees. Once we checked our section, everyone sought shade. While we were in the shade someone noticed a to spot high atop the mountain. The Captain asked for four volunteers and I jumped up first because it was an opportunity to hike. I hiked with the group a little way but sometimes they have a habit of stopping for several breaks like the other day when a few of us went back to the bus for more water for the crew. I prescribe to the theory of slow and steady wins the race. As long as I am moving forward this is positive so when the guys were about to stop, I urged then on going a bit slower. This helped but I got ahead and took a route that was extremely difficult. It was good that I went this way because it allowed the rest of the guys to go a better way. I was going up really steep inclines but I was having fun. We reached the hot spot which turned out to be a tree stump on fire. The guys worked very well together and the hot spot was extinguished. The was good team work and I got my exercise for the day.
We started down and earlier in the day, I took a tumble tripping over a rock while twisting my ankle. This was the second time I twisted my ankle, but in spite of taking the fall, I was fine. This was another reminder for me to be careful which is why I went slowly back down the hill. I don’t care how long it takes me to get down the hill; as long as I stay safe then it is a success in my book.
The day was coming to an end and once again we had to spend the night on the fireline with no sleeping bags. I thought I was prepared for the cold night donning a thermal shirt, beanie, and winter jacket. This worked okay for half the night but the temp dropped into the 40’s and I was freezing. I had gotten an intermittent amount of sleep but I was too cold to stay asleep. I did watch the lunar eclipse which was incredibly fascinating. However, by 4:00 am I had gotten up and I didn’t want to lay back down on the cold ground. I stood there staring out into the sky. A few of crew members were also awake at this time and huddled around the portable gas stove for warmth. They tried to get my attention and finally I went over to where they were standing. Not only were they standing near the portable gas stove; they had heated up empty Gatorade bottles with hot water. I was given one and felt great. I know 40 degrees is not exactly cold, but when the temperature drops 60 degrees during the day it feels cold to me. I couldn’t wait for the end of our shift which occurred at 6:00 am. Finally, the end of the shift arrived and it was time to go back to base camp.
Thankfully, the crew we were sharing with had departed so we could finally stretch out. I was exhausted at this point and fell asleep for 3 straight hours which is quite an accomplishment for me. I felt refreshed and ate some lunch. The vegetarian lunch was hummus on pita bread which was delicious! The rest of the day I read a little and rested.
The word came down that the next day would be a 12 hour shift which would end our trip. Of course, I take any information with a grain of salt because everything is subject to change. I could see that our work was coming to an end and it would be hard pressed to be here any longer; however, fire is very tricky and literally anything can happen. The wake up call came at 5:15 and again I was up before that which gives me time to reflect and fill my head with positive thoughts. I think about my family back in New Jersey. The days are passing and on this trip I officially turned 42 years of age. This was just another day and no one knew it was my birthday. I didn’t speak with my family members because I was out on a fire. This was okay because all their love resonates deeply within me. I am blessed and grateful for every one of those 42 years. This will be the last time I am separated from my family on my birthday and it is great to know this.
Our final assignment was back on the spot where we were a few days ago. We had to ensure no hot spots existed. I did point out one spot because I went up ahead of the crew and had a better vantage point. Then 5 of us hiked to the near top of the ridge which turned out to be a very good hike. This is where I wanted to go the first day but when I got to what I thought was the top there was more to go. Unfortunately, the Captain from the other crew prevented us from going all the way up. I was content with the hike up and felt very good. The hike back down was more of a slide as the slopes were incredibly steep. I took my time and rejoined the rest of the crew. We found a shady spot where we had lunch. After lunch we had to disconnect the hose lines on the side of the hill. This is the type of work no one looks forward to but has got to be done. This helps the professional firefighters tremendously so the crew was up to the task. One of the crew members who normally doesn’t do much was feeling his oats today and was shooting off his mouth. Normally, I keep my mouth shut but for some reason, he started in on me. He thought I was only carrying one hose line when in fact I was carrying two just like everyone else. Yes, I am the thinnest of the crew so pulling my weight is less than everyone else but I do my best. I wasn’t having any problems with the hose lines but the crew member wouldn’t stop talking. I had enough and spoke my peace. This was out of character for me but I was applauded by a few crew members. I do my best to let things go but I couldn’t on this day. This tells me I have a long way to go with the POWER OF INTENTION. I know what needs to be done and will do my very best. This was a learning experience as is everyday. I continue to learn and now I have a great deal of learning to do.
All of the hoses were brought down some 3000 feet. I was soaked through with sweat as I reached the bottom. This task was our last task for the day and for the fire. We waited for the other crew to come down and when they arrived we headed back to the base camp. The drill was the same as we disembarked from the bus.
I slept much better than I have all week long. I was up and ready by 5:00 am even though we didn’t have to wake up until 6:15. I sat there thinking this could very well be my last fire as an inmate/firefighter as the bathroom porter position should be waiting for me when I got back to camp. The only issue was having my Captain sign the job change form. I hadn’t asked him about it and I was planning to ask when we got back to camp later in the day. It was good to be away from camp but I know I will make the very best of being a bathroom porter and the key is my time will now be my own for the next 6 months. The rest of the morning was the same as breakfast arrived and I added to my already bulging garbage bag full of snacks. I had so many snacks I needed to double the bag so it would not break. Most of these snacks were for guys back at camp who don’t go to fires.
After breakfast we waited for the Captain to arrive and I helped load the CO’s vehicle with assorted items. While loading, the Lieutenant was nearby. He is a very good man and has a great attitude. He doesn’t let any negative get to him and exudes only positive. I also like his management style which is hands- off to a point. He knows when to step in because he has been doing this a very long time. The Captains arrived and we departed. We had to stop at another base camp to have the buses inspected before going back to camp which is required by law. The drive to the other base camp took about 40 minutes. The inspection took less than 10 minutes and we were given the all clear. We were finally headed back to camp!
The ride back was long and hot. The air-conditioning wasn’t working very well as the outside temps were well in the 100’s. The quarters were tighter than usual because of all the snacks. It took 5 hours to get back to camp and I was very happy to be there. I got off the bus and asked the Captain if he had signed my job change form. He said, “I haven’t done anything with it.” I was a bit disappointed to hear this but the nicest CO I have met on this journey was standing nearby and heard the entire exchange. The CO said without missing a beat, “I want him.” The Captain okayed this and the CO told me they would take care of everything. There it was another example of how there are no coincidences in life how timing matters. The Captain signed the form and I am to report tomorrow. This was indeed my last fire as an inmate/firefighter and now I am moving on to fight the battle of soap scum in the bathroom!
I went back into camp ad unpacked all of my belongings, but first I needed a long shower. Unfortunately, I had to settle for a hot shower even though I could have used some cold water due to the excessive high temps. The shower felt good and I could take as long as I like without someone yelling how many minutes were left. The shower was over and I sorted through the large bag of goodies and started to hand out many of the items. I saved a hummus for my friend who works with the kitchen. The evening continued with mail call for the two returning crews. I had plenty of mail waiting for me and most of it were birthday cards from family and friends. I am extremely blessed and grateful to everyone in my life and I thank all of you who remembered me through all the cards I received.
After mail call, I was able to call my wife and it was great to hear her voice after such a long time. I told her all about the trip to the Zucca fire and my new position. My wife summed up my new job perfectly as she pointed out that it did not matter that I would no longer be leaving the camp because even when I am in camp, I am still outside with no gates, fences, or other impediments. She is so right and I will make the very best of the six months I have remaining. The telephone call was excellent and it was so good to hear her voice. I will follow-up with another phone call this weekend so I can speak to my children who start school next week. Wow, the summer is over and it is already back to school. Where did it go? Afterward, I talked with my friends and went to sleep. It was so good to be in my bunk off the ground for the first time in 9 nights. I am grateful for the time I spent as a firefighter as I have learned many things such as nature is the most powerful force. Nature is part of my higher power and as each day goes by, my recovery is strengthened immensely. It was good to lay down with a real pillow and a real mattress. I was asleep in not time as my head hit the pillow.
The rushing of the fire call had begun with the fire meal dinner. The two crews which were due out on the fire were allowed to eat first; however, we were rushed through the entire meal. A few minutes into the meal “mail call” was announced for those of us eating which meant we had to stop and go outside near the office to receive our mail. Yes, the chaos had begun. I did my best to stay present and not let all of the chaos affect me. I did well because as I was going toward the bus, I passed one of the CO’s and said, “I like the organization we have here.” The CO laughed and replied “Ain’t it great!” Chaos does reign during these times and now I can view it without getting caught up. My life was so chaotic and now it is peaceful. Fortunately, I continue to learn more and more about myself which is all very positive.
The bus was off and we were off to fight the wildfire. The rumor was that the two crews could be gone for 3 weeks. This was based on the twp returning crews which were gone for 20 days fighting the same fire. I had my doubts about being gone for the 21 days but was prepared for anything. The bus ride to the staging area of the fire was uneventful, thankfully. Our Captain seems to have difficulty staying awake on the overnight bus rides but on this trip he was fine. We pulled in to the staging area near 11:00 pm where we would spend the night and in the morning we would find out our assignment. The wake up was at 5:00 am so by the time all of our gear was situated most of us got 5 hours of sleep. I got less because I have a difficult time sleeping on the ground underneath a tent in a sleeping bag. Nonetheless, I was awake before the wake up call. Upon getting up, we are required to re-pack everything we brought out from the bus because we never know where the day will take us. Of course, the rushing began once again and it was the typical hurry up and wait. We ate breakfast and got our sack lunches while we waited for our assignment. Finally 2 ½ hours after waking up we received an assignment for the day.
This fire started on July 4th and has spread ever since. Our assignment was to rehab the area where the burn started last month. In fact, this wasn’t a burn area at all, it was a contingency area and now that the fire has gone southward, this area had to be put back together. When fighting wildland fires, lines are cut around certain areas to prevent the fire from spreading. Which are the most important tactic. Yes, water drops and retardant drops are made but this only slows the progress of the fire and does not extinguish it. During a fire of this magnitude, very large lines are cut and bulldozers are utilized. These lines can be miles long and 40 feet wide. During our assignment, we encountered a line miles long and 30 feet wide. Since this is a National forest, the bulldozer line had to be put back to its original state. This meant we had to smooth out the tractor marks and take the cut brush from the sides and lay it on the bulldozer line. This isn’t exactly fire fighting, but it is a function a=our crews provide. This was going to be a 24 hour assignment; however, as darkness fell we were able to move to a campsite for the night. Working a 24 hour shift has many more benefits than working a 12 hour shift. Since we were able to work 24 hours, we would have the following 24 hours off. This is so much better than working 12 hours and having 12 hours off. This type of shift has the crews going and going everyday. Whereas the 24 hour shift provides more rest and downtime.
The work for the day was done and I accomplished my goal of always moving forward. Before going to sleep, I ate my dinner which was a vegetarian meal. I have so fortunate all throughout this journey and this good fortune showed through my lunches. There is only one other inmate who is on the other crew who also receives the vegetarian meal and I do like being on a fire with him because at least I am not alone on my eating choices. Anyhow, I had a great salad and in the salad I put tuna. Yes, I would not go hungry on this trip.
It was time to go to sleep and I was able to fall asleep very quickly since I had little sleep over the past two nights. Unfortunately, I didn’t stay asleep very long. I heard my name being called by one of my crewmembers. He called my name to tell me there were several skunks walking around the campground. This cry of skunk went all around many of my crewmembers. When I finally realized what was going on, a smile across my face and I had to chuckle. I am by no means an outdoor person, but I do know that if I don’t bother the skunks, they won’t bother me. We went back to sleep and a few hours later, the skunk cry was revisited. One of the skunks got into a crewmembers backpack and was munching on a piece of chicken. The backpack was located only a few feet away from his head so he was a bit startled. Fortunately, the skunks didn’t spray anyone nor did they abduct anyone as well. I did find both skunk events very funny and it did make me smile.
The night was over and so was our shift. We packed up and headed back to the staging area for the 24 hour downtime. We had breakfast, took a shower which was surprisingly very hot, and for about 3 hours I tried to sleep. As the day progressed, the tent became very warm. There were 30 guys in the tent with very little ventilation. A portable swamp cooler was brought in but only seemed to cool off a few feet.
Another interesting event occurred during this period of downtime. One of the CO’s thought they overheard an inmate speaking on a cell phone while the inmate was in a port-o-potty. Cell phones are a huge no no in prison for a multitude of reasons so the CO acted accordingly. The only issue was the inmate was talking to another inmate in the next booth. The inmate in question was searched upon exiting and no cell phone was found. The port-o-potty was searched and once again nothing was found. The CO was very insistent on finding the alleged cell phone that everyone inside the tent was searched. Not only was everyone searched physically so was all of their belongings. Yes, this is camp but it is still prison and these things do happen.
The funny incident happened when the CO started searching everyone inside the tent. The first person the CO went to was one of my friends who is as square as I am and there was no way he could have contraband. However, he was told to strip down to his boxers. The problem was he didn’t have any on and was being searched by a female officer. He didn’t immediately take off his pants and explained that he wasn’t wearing any because he forgot to put a clean pair in the bag when he went to take a shower. This whole scene seemed to fluster the CO and somewhat embarrassed my friend. A compromise was agreed upon as his pants stayed on but were shaken a few times to uncover anything concealed. Of course, nothing was found on him and once again I smiled throughout the entire incident. The search did not stop there and everyone’s belongings were turned upside down. A few contraband items were found but no cell phone. The event did break up my day and the rest of the day was uneventful as dinner time arrived. Prior to going to sleep, we were informed that the fire jumped the line and we would be going out at 2:30 in the morning. Yes, it would be another night of little sleep.
Somehow I always manage to get up before the wake up call occurs and today was no exception. We boarded the bus at 3:30 am and drove 2 ½ hours to the other end of the fire. We drove 120 miles and it was still part of the same fire. We entered another staging area and had breakfast prior to going out on the fire line. After breakfast we received our instructions and went out to the fire line. This is where I could see the damage of the fire. I looked east and west – all I could see was blackened hillsides. Fire is so amazing that in the area where we were located there was a small section in a drainage ditch which was untouched by fire. The peculiar thing was all around this was burned area yet somehow nature spared this patch. I noticed a tree about 30 feet which was exactly half burned while the other half was untouched. Nature and with it fire is such a powerful source. I am in awe of this power and respect it tremendously.
Our assignment for today was to join the other crew and several other crews from different fire camps at the top of the mountain. This is where we were supposed to cut a fire cline. Since there was the unburned area in the drainage, one crew had to stay near the middle section to keep an eye on the unburned section. This provided a lookout for the crews on top of the ridge. My crew was the lookout. Hiking is my favorite part about going out on these hikes and I was looking forward to the long hike but got shortsided when we stopped at the middle. I felt a bit jealous as the other crews went to the top but I understand the need to have a lookout. The area surrounding the unburned section was still smoldering. There wasn’t any visible flames but the area was hot. Our job as well as being a lookout was to mop up the burn area. While we were doing this, a small section of the unburned area caught on fire. Our crew put a small line around the area and within minutes the fire was out. I had no idea cutting a 2 foot wide, 60 feet long into the dirt could be so effective at fighting a fire but it was.
The rest of the day was mop up and lookout duty. This was another 24 hour shift but we wouldn’t have the luxury of sleeping at a campsite in the sleeping bags. We had to remain on the fire line to ensure nothing caught fire because there were still crews at the top of the ridge. My crew spread out along the hillside. I took a position with the Swamper of my crew near the top section. I was able to get in a little more hiking with him because we went up further to check a hot spot which was quickly extinguished with some dirt and we returned to our perch. I had a great view of all the mountain peaks and even with the burned area the scene was very peaceful. I soaked all the beauty in and was enjoying every moment. It is moments like these that I am so happy to be in recovery because now I know how to live in the moment. This was a breathtaking moment and all the inconsequential rushing and other little inconveniences were well worth being able to be on this hilltop.
We would take shifts staying awake throughout the night which was rather warm as the cloud cover rolled in. This blocked all the stars and kept the temperature warm. I did stay awake most of the night because I couldn’t get comfortable on the hard ground. The night sky also provided lightning shows which was heat lightning and I never fell in any danger. The sun had yet to come up but our shift was over. It was time to walk down the mountain in the dark. I do wear a headlamp which does provide some light but it is still dangerous. I took about 4 steps and stepped into a hole which twisted my ankle temporarily. Thankfully, the hiking boots provided great support and after taking a few more steps, I was fine. This was a reminder to me to take my time and go slow. Getting hurt on the fire line is a real possibility and unfortunately the consequences of getting hurt are very bad. This is why I took my time going back down the mountain. The entire crew made it back to the bus without incident. We waited for the other crew to arrive and when they did, we headed back to the staging area.
When we stepped off the bus at the staging area – also know as base camp – the CO’s rushed us to provide enough time for all of the crews. I can understand this but the last thing anyone wants to hear after being on the fire line for 24 hours is someone – heck anyone – yelling at them. Well, this is what happened – the CO’s were barking instructions to us the minute we stepped off the bus. This didn’t help the energy level of the crews, but it is a very strong part of our day to day life. I maintained an inner smile and kept up with positive self talk. In spite of my best efforts, I was indeed tired and starting to show the effects. I was growing an ugly cold sore on my upper lip which was directly caused by lack of sleep. Also, I did my best to keep to myself so I wouldn’t get short with anyone. My focus was on the cold sore which I do get from time to time all throughout my life. I have a good defense against these sores in taking 3000 milligrams of lysine and apply Abreva to the infected area. This worked well when I was not incarcerated and unfortunately neither lysine nor Abreva are available to me. Thankfully, a member of the other crew who is also susceptible to cold sores lent me his Carmex which helps alleviate them. It does appear I have a long way to go in self-healing because the cold sore only got bigger as the days went on. In this environment there are no secrets nor is there any decorum as I had almost everyone as me, “What is that on your lip?” I explained ad everyone seemed to say, “Oh.”
We rushed through breakfast only to have to wait 1 ½ hours for the showers. They felt good but the constant yelling by the CO was a definite distraction. We returned to or tent to find out we had to share it with another crew from another camp. These tents fit 30 people comfortably. Now we were asked to share with 15 more guys which made matters a bit cramped. Sleep has become a precious commodity on this trip and even though I was exhausted, I had difficulty sleeping in these conditions. I was situated in a very bad spot inside the tent near the swamp cooler so it was cool during the day but I was surrounded by 4 other guys in a very tight space. I had feet in my face, back, legs, and head. No, it wasn’t very comfortable, but I did manage a few hours of sleep and felt rested.
Te rest of the day was uneventful except for the fact that I saw my friend from my old dorm at Jamestown. He was the one who was a PFT Instructor with me and he always had a great positive attitude. It was great to see him and great to see that he hadn’t changed one bit. He was still very positive and exhibits very high energy. I talked with him for a wile along with a couple of his crew member. Apparently, that particular fire camp was not well thought of according to several of the guys, but my friend seemed to be enjoying himself immensely. He is a wonderful guy and I had been looking to see him for awhile.
The 5:00 am wake up call came and as usual I was once again ready well in advance. I didn’t sleep very well due to the close quarters and the fact it was exceedingly cold as the swamp cooler ran all night long. Being cold and my very sensitive bladder does not make for a good mixture. Yes, I was up all night long. The assignment for today was to ensure there weren’t any hot spots in the burned area. Once again this isn’t exactly the high profile work of firefighters but it is necessary. The area where we were located had burned 8 days prior and finding a hot spot was difficult. I kept moving forward and did my best. The temperature extremes were huge; during the day, it was very warm and at night the lows hit 40 degrees. Once we checked our section, everyone sought shade. While we were in the shade someone noticed a to spot high atop the mountain. The Captain asked for four volunteers and I jumped up first because it was an opportunity to hike. I hiked with the group a little way but sometimes they have a habit of stopping for several breaks like the other day when a few of us went back to the bus for more water for the crew. I prescribe to the theory of slow and steady wins the race. As long as I am moving forward this is positive so when the guys were about to stop, I urged then on going a bit slower. This helped but I got ahead and took a route that was extremely difficult. It was good that I went this way because it allowed the rest of the guys to go a better way. I was going up really steep inclines but I was having fun. We reached the hot spot which turned out to be a tree stump on fire. The guys worked very well together and the hot spot was extinguished. The was good team work and I got my exercise for the day.
We started down and earlier in the day, I took a tumble tripping over a rock while twisting my ankle. This was the second time I twisted my ankle, but in spite of taking the fall, I was fine. This was another reminder for me to be careful which is why I went slowly back down the hill. I don’t care how long it takes me to get down the hill; as long as I stay safe then it is a success in my book.
The day was coming to an end and once again we had to spend the night on the fireline with no sleeping bags. I thought I was prepared for the cold night donning a thermal shirt, beanie, and winter jacket. This worked okay for half the night but the temp dropped into the 40’s and I was freezing. I had gotten an intermittent amount of sleep but I was too cold to stay asleep. I did watch the lunar eclipse which was incredibly fascinating. However, by 4:00 am I had gotten up and I didn’t want to lay back down on the cold ground. I stood there staring out into the sky. A few of crew members were also awake at this time and huddled around the portable gas stove for warmth. They tried to get my attention and finally I went over to where they were standing. Not only were they standing near the portable gas stove; they had heated up empty Gatorade bottles with hot water. I was given one and felt great. I know 40 degrees is not exactly cold, but when the temperature drops 60 degrees during the day it feels cold to me. I couldn’t wait for the end of our shift which occurred at 6:00 am. Finally, the end of the shift arrived and it was time to go back to base camp.
Thankfully, the crew we were sharing with had departed so we could finally stretch out. I was exhausted at this point and fell asleep for 3 straight hours which is quite an accomplishment for me. I felt refreshed and ate some lunch. The vegetarian lunch was hummus on pita bread which was delicious! The rest of the day I read a little and rested.
The word came down that the next day would be a 12 hour shift which would end our trip. Of course, I take any information with a grain of salt because everything is subject to change. I could see that our work was coming to an end and it would be hard pressed to be here any longer; however, fire is very tricky and literally anything can happen. The wake up call came at 5:15 and again I was up before that which gives me time to reflect and fill my head with positive thoughts. I think about my family back in New Jersey. The days are passing and on this trip I officially turned 42 years of age. This was just another day and no one knew it was my birthday. I didn’t speak with my family members because I was out on a fire. This was okay because all their love resonates deeply within me. I am blessed and grateful for every one of those 42 years. This will be the last time I am separated from my family on my birthday and it is great to know this.
Our final assignment was back on the spot where we were a few days ago. We had to ensure no hot spots existed. I did point out one spot because I went up ahead of the crew and had a better vantage point. Then 5 of us hiked to the near top of the ridge which turned out to be a very good hike. This is where I wanted to go the first day but when I got to what I thought was the top there was more to go. Unfortunately, the Captain from the other crew prevented us from going all the way up. I was content with the hike up and felt very good. The hike back down was more of a slide as the slopes were incredibly steep. I took my time and rejoined the rest of the crew. We found a shady spot where we had lunch. After lunch we had to disconnect the hose lines on the side of the hill. This is the type of work no one looks forward to but has got to be done. This helps the professional firefighters tremendously so the crew was up to the task. One of the crew members who normally doesn’t do much was feeling his oats today and was shooting off his mouth. Normally, I keep my mouth shut but for some reason, he started in on me. He thought I was only carrying one hose line when in fact I was carrying two just like everyone else. Yes, I am the thinnest of the crew so pulling my weight is less than everyone else but I do my best. I wasn’t having any problems with the hose lines but the crew member wouldn’t stop talking. I had enough and spoke my peace. This was out of character for me but I was applauded by a few crew members. I do my best to let things go but I couldn’t on this day. This tells me I have a long way to go with the POWER OF INTENTION. I know what needs to be done and will do my very best. This was a learning experience as is everyday. I continue to learn and now I have a great deal of learning to do.
All of the hoses were brought down some 3000 feet. I was soaked through with sweat as I reached the bottom. This task was our last task for the day and for the fire. We waited for the other crew to come down and when they arrived we headed back to the base camp. The drill was the same as we disembarked from the bus.
I slept much better than I have all week long. I was up and ready by 5:00 am even though we didn’t have to wake up until 6:15. I sat there thinking this could very well be my last fire as an inmate/firefighter as the bathroom porter position should be waiting for me when I got back to camp. The only issue was having my Captain sign the job change form. I hadn’t asked him about it and I was planning to ask when we got back to camp later in the day. It was good to be away from camp but I know I will make the very best of being a bathroom porter and the key is my time will now be my own for the next 6 months. The rest of the morning was the same as breakfast arrived and I added to my already bulging garbage bag full of snacks. I had so many snacks I needed to double the bag so it would not break. Most of these snacks were for guys back at camp who don’t go to fires.
After breakfast we waited for the Captain to arrive and I helped load the CO’s vehicle with assorted items. While loading, the Lieutenant was nearby. He is a very good man and has a great attitude. He doesn’t let any negative get to him and exudes only positive. I also like his management style which is hands- off to a point. He knows when to step in because he has been doing this a very long time. The Captains arrived and we departed. We had to stop at another base camp to have the buses inspected before going back to camp which is required by law. The drive to the other base camp took about 40 minutes. The inspection took less than 10 minutes and we were given the all clear. We were finally headed back to camp!
The ride back was long and hot. The air-conditioning wasn’t working very well as the outside temps were well in the 100’s. The quarters were tighter than usual because of all the snacks. It took 5 hours to get back to camp and I was very happy to be there. I got off the bus and asked the Captain if he had signed my job change form. He said, “I haven’t done anything with it.” I was a bit disappointed to hear this but the nicest CO I have met on this journey was standing nearby and heard the entire exchange. The CO said without missing a beat, “I want him.” The Captain okayed this and the CO told me they would take care of everything. There it was another example of how there are no coincidences in life how timing matters. The Captain signed the form and I am to report tomorrow. This was indeed my last fire as an inmate/firefighter and now I am moving on to fight the battle of soap scum in the bathroom!
I went back into camp ad unpacked all of my belongings, but first I needed a long shower. Unfortunately, I had to settle for a hot shower even though I could have used some cold water due to the excessive high temps. The shower felt good and I could take as long as I like without someone yelling how many minutes were left. The shower was over and I sorted through the large bag of goodies and started to hand out many of the items. I saved a hummus for my friend who works with the kitchen. The evening continued with mail call for the two returning crews. I had plenty of mail waiting for me and most of it were birthday cards from family and friends. I am extremely blessed and grateful to everyone in my life and I thank all of you who remembered me through all the cards I received.
After mail call, I was able to call my wife and it was great to hear her voice after such a long time. I told her all about the trip to the Zucca fire and my new position. My wife summed up my new job perfectly as she pointed out that it did not matter that I would no longer be leaving the camp because even when I am in camp, I am still outside with no gates, fences, or other impediments. She is so right and I will make the very best of the six months I have remaining. The telephone call was excellent and it was so good to hear her voice. I will follow-up with another phone call this weekend so I can speak to my children who start school next week. Wow, the summer is over and it is already back to school. Where did it go? Afterward, I talked with my friends and went to sleep. It was so good to be in my bunk off the ground for the first time in 9 nights. I am grateful for the time I spent as a firefighter as I have learned many things such as nature is the most powerful force. Nature is part of my higher power and as each day goes by, my recovery is strengthened immensely. It was good to lay down with a real pillow and a real mattress. I was asleep in not time as my head hit the pillow.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Fire Season Is Here
I was awake from 4:00 a.m. for the rest of the day. I sat and watched the fire burn. At this point, we were waiting for relief from another crew. During this period, we had to ensure the integrity of the fire line. We did this, and the fire line was in good shape. Then it turned to a waiting game. The wait wasn’t too bad, and we were relieved from the fire at 10:30 a.m. We hiked back out to the fire bus and headed back to camp. This was a 24-hour journey from the time we departed camp to our return. The hot shower felt great, and then it was on to the fire lunch. This did not end my day because this evening my crew, along with another crew, is headed to Santa Barbara for the Zacca fire. This fire has been burning since July 4th, and to date, it is the second largest wildfire in the history of California, having burned over 220,000 acres. Currently, the fire is 75T contained, and expected containment is scheduled for September 7th. This most likely means I will be gone until at least September 7th if not longer. Currently, there are two other crews from this camp that have been on this fire for the past three weeks. I believe the most the crews are allowed to be out on a fire is 21 days, so these crews should be back in camp in the next few days. This 21-day rule is good for me because my mother and sister arrive here for a visit in 24 days from now, so I will be back in time for their visit.
Yes, fire season appears in full bloom this week. All of the crews are going strong on the fires, and it appears I will be away for the next few weeks. I will do my best to write somewhat when I am on the fire, but there won’t be any postings until I send these writings out upon my return. Also, if anyone writes me, please know I am not ignoring the letters. I won’t receive them until I get back as well. In addition, the GA meeting visits will have to be postponed until after the visit from my mother and sister. Conceivably, this could be my last fire as I have filed the paperwork for the in-camp prison position of bathroom porter. Once again, all indication points to me receiving this position, but I take nothing for granted. I will keep safe and positive (as always) as I am away on the fire. There are many positives to being on a fire crew, and one of them is the time does pass by quickly. If all goes as planned, when I return back to camp, I will be under the six-month mark to my release date. Each day I get closer and closer to rejoining my family, and each day I stay positive. My life is wonderful thanks to recovery and all the wonderful people who have given me nothing but love and support. I’m sure I will have a great deal to write about upon my return. Life in recovery is, indeed, extraordinary.
Yes, fire season appears in full bloom this week. All of the crews are going strong on the fires, and it appears I will be away for the next few weeks. I will do my best to write somewhat when I am on the fire, but there won’t be any postings until I send these writings out upon my return. Also, if anyone writes me, please know I am not ignoring the letters. I won’t receive them until I get back as well. In addition, the GA meeting visits will have to be postponed until after the visit from my mother and sister. Conceivably, this could be my last fire as I have filed the paperwork for the in-camp prison position of bathroom porter. Once again, all indication points to me receiving this position, but I take nothing for granted. I will keep safe and positive (as always) as I am away on the fire. There are many positives to being on a fire crew, and one of them is the time does pass by quickly. If all goes as planned, when I return back to camp, I will be under the six-month mark to my release date. Each day I get closer and closer to rejoining my family, and each day I stay positive. My life is wonderful thanks to recovery and all the wonderful people who have given me nothing but love and support. I’m sure I will have a great deal to write about upon my return. Life in recovery is, indeed, extraordinary.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Writing While In A Trance
Last night during mail call, I received five pieces of mail; two were birthday cards, two were letters, and one was the Gamblers Anonymous monthly bulletin for August. The birthday cards were from my mother and father respectively, and the two letters were from dear friends. I can’t say enough about how much mail I receive each day, and I am so grateful. All the letters were wonderful. Normally, I leave my letter writing for the weekends, but last night, I sat outside at the “table” and wrote three letters. I sat at the table with one of my friends from the “table” who was also writing a letter. I set out to write only one letter but got into a writing trance and wrote all three letters. My friend, who was sitting across from me, even made a comment regarding how fast I write. Yes, I do write quickly, which is one of the reasons why my penmanship is terrible. The other reason is that I seem to go onto this trance, and the words flow out of me. There were times when I didn’t know what the next word would be, but somehow, someway the words do come out of me in some semblance of order. Last night, this is exactly what happened as I stayed at the table for 1-1/2 hours writing these letters. As first, I was a bit reluctant (my terrible downfall of procrastination reared its ugly head), but when I started going, I was on a roll.
After writing, I went to my room where I read a little before falling asleep. Rarely, do I stay up later than 10:00 p.m., and last night I fell asleep a few minutes before. My sleeping pattern was the usual, and I did get in my Tuesday exercise routine. Prior to my starting my exercise, I have been asked to wake up two of my fellow inmates. One of these I have a standing order (in a positive sense) to wake them up, and yesterday, the worker wakeup was due to a malfunctioning alarm clock. Yes, these guys can depend on my because it is the rare occasion I oversleep, not because I am dependable but because I seem to always be awake.
Today was yet another lay-in day, but my crew was on call all day. This meant we didn’t have to go out to the grade. We did have to be ready to respond to a fire call. I took advantage of the lay-in by having a double workout day. Not only did I work out during the early morning, I worked out in the midmorning. I did my usual Tuesday burpee/pushup exercise, and later this morning, I did 84 minutes on the Harvard Wall. The morning passed quickly enough since I again assisted with the cleaning of the bathrooms. It does get a bit difficult to clean the bathrooms with three crews in camp, so today was a maintaining day. This did allow me the time to add the extra workout this morning.
The day was cruising along, and as I as writing the blog, the fire alarm went off. Yes, my crew was needed on a fire call at a place near where we were working on the chipping/cutting project in Idyllwild. From the moment I hear we were headed to Idyllwild, I was concerned. This area is densely populated with very tall trees and other vegetation. Also, this are has not burned in a very long time. Couple all these factors with the lack of rain over the past 1-1/2 years, and there is a scary fire situation. The captain who took us on the fire call is incredibly calm, and I really enjoy his style of leadership. The job must get done, but his mild-mannered leadership style makes working with him very easy. He did put my mind at ease as we entered the bus because there wasn’t any rush in his voice, and I knew we were in good hands.
We arrived on the scene to a real life wildfire. The area was burning quite well, and the tall trees were crackling with the fire. Once again, the captain led us calmly into the burn area, and our assignment was to ensure the fire was contained. Unlike the past fires I have been on, this fire was actually burning, and airplanes along with helicopters were making water and fire-retardant drops from above. I was in awe of the fire and how it seemed to be spreading from tree to tree. I was more in awe of how the California Department of Forestry and Fire Service rallied to contain the fire. There were many airplanes in the sky along with the helicopters constantly doing the water and retardant drops while it was still daylight. Meanwhile, as I worked, I stayed aware of my surroundings at all times because several of the tall trees were burning very well. The key is to remain safe at all times, and not once did I feel I was in a dangerous situation. There was a line around the fire when my crew arrived, and the fire never moved beyond this line.
Since we arrived late in the afternoon, it was going to be an all night affair. As the sun was setting, the airplanes were doing their drops. These airplanes are very close to where my crew was working, and several times I thought we were going to get dropped on, but the first few tries weren’t even that close to us. The next few tries did, in fact, douse me and the rest of the crew with the fire retardant. It was actually quite funny because the fire retardant is a pink color and is also quite sticky. I got some on my back and helmet which seeped into my hair. Some of my fellow crew members did get more of the retardant on them, and they were soaked through and through. The retardant washes off quite easily, and no one was injured. It was quite comical to see most of the crew covered with the pink liquid. After the direct hit of the retardant, we cleaned one another off, and since it was now getting dark, we were able to have dinner.
There was no way we were leaving the fire line until the next morning, so our food consisted of meals ready to eat, or MRE. I have not eaten my MRE to date for various reasons, but tonight my choice was to either go hungry or eat the MRE. I chose to eat the MRE which, to my surprise, was quite tasty. It is a full-course dinner, and mine was vegetarian. No, I didn’t order this. It just worked out this way. Inside the pouch were crackers, peanut butter, dried cranberries, pound cake, and spicy pasta penne. I ate the crackers and the spicy pasta penne. Also in the pouch was a pouch which could be used to heat the spicy pasta penne. This was a remarkable device because all I had to do was place the pouch of the spicy pasta penne into the heating pouch and add a small amount of water. There was a heating device at the bottom of the pouch, and in one minute, the pasta was warmed. I was quite impressed by the heating device and the taste of the pasta. Of course, I didn’t want to read the ingredients of the pasta because the list longer than the first five chapters of “War and Peace”! The purpose of the MRE is to supply the user with calories, which equal energy. When I first saw the MRE’s when I started three months ago, I was very hesitant, but now I am certainly impressed with them.
Dinner was over, and now we were tasked to watch the fire all night long. The crew spread out along the fire line and a safe distance away from the many burning tall trees. I did find a safe spot and watched a 60-foot tree burn all night long, and as it burned, it came down in sections. As it crashed down in these sections, it made a tremendous thudding sound. There were big trees and staying away from them was the idea. I did watch in amazement as the fire burned mostly in the trees. Another tall tree looked as if it was glowing as the fire reflected off its branches in the darkness. The fire strangely was very peaceful at this point, and up in the sky, there were thousands of stars. We did take turns staying awake, and I did manage a few hours of sleep. Yes, I slept on the ground with my jacket as a blanket since the temperature was in the low 50’s. Not only did the temperature drop, we were at 7,000 feet above sea level, and at one point during the evening, the relative humidity was 2%. The lowest relative humidity I have ever encountered prior to this was 5% when I lived in Las Vegas. Yes, it was very dry last night, and thankfully, the winds stayed down during the night. The fire was still burning, but it wasn’t spreading in the area where I was.
After writing, I went to my room where I read a little before falling asleep. Rarely, do I stay up later than 10:00 p.m., and last night I fell asleep a few minutes before. My sleeping pattern was the usual, and I did get in my Tuesday exercise routine. Prior to my starting my exercise, I have been asked to wake up two of my fellow inmates. One of these I have a standing order (in a positive sense) to wake them up, and yesterday, the worker wakeup was due to a malfunctioning alarm clock. Yes, these guys can depend on my because it is the rare occasion I oversleep, not because I am dependable but because I seem to always be awake.
Today was yet another lay-in day, but my crew was on call all day. This meant we didn’t have to go out to the grade. We did have to be ready to respond to a fire call. I took advantage of the lay-in by having a double workout day. Not only did I work out during the early morning, I worked out in the midmorning. I did my usual Tuesday burpee/pushup exercise, and later this morning, I did 84 minutes on the Harvard Wall. The morning passed quickly enough since I again assisted with the cleaning of the bathrooms. It does get a bit difficult to clean the bathrooms with three crews in camp, so today was a maintaining day. This did allow me the time to add the extra workout this morning.
The day was cruising along, and as I as writing the blog, the fire alarm went off. Yes, my crew was needed on a fire call at a place near where we were working on the chipping/cutting project in Idyllwild. From the moment I hear we were headed to Idyllwild, I was concerned. This area is densely populated with very tall trees and other vegetation. Also, this are has not burned in a very long time. Couple all these factors with the lack of rain over the past 1-1/2 years, and there is a scary fire situation. The captain who took us on the fire call is incredibly calm, and I really enjoy his style of leadership. The job must get done, but his mild-mannered leadership style makes working with him very easy. He did put my mind at ease as we entered the bus because there wasn’t any rush in his voice, and I knew we were in good hands.
We arrived on the scene to a real life wildfire. The area was burning quite well, and the tall trees were crackling with the fire. Once again, the captain led us calmly into the burn area, and our assignment was to ensure the fire was contained. Unlike the past fires I have been on, this fire was actually burning, and airplanes along with helicopters were making water and fire-retardant drops from above. I was in awe of the fire and how it seemed to be spreading from tree to tree. I was more in awe of how the California Department of Forestry and Fire Service rallied to contain the fire. There were many airplanes in the sky along with the helicopters constantly doing the water and retardant drops while it was still daylight. Meanwhile, as I worked, I stayed aware of my surroundings at all times because several of the tall trees were burning very well. The key is to remain safe at all times, and not once did I feel I was in a dangerous situation. There was a line around the fire when my crew arrived, and the fire never moved beyond this line.
Since we arrived late in the afternoon, it was going to be an all night affair. As the sun was setting, the airplanes were doing their drops. These airplanes are very close to where my crew was working, and several times I thought we were going to get dropped on, but the first few tries weren’t even that close to us. The next few tries did, in fact, douse me and the rest of the crew with the fire retardant. It was actually quite funny because the fire retardant is a pink color and is also quite sticky. I got some on my back and helmet which seeped into my hair. Some of my fellow crew members did get more of the retardant on them, and they were soaked through and through. The retardant washes off quite easily, and no one was injured. It was quite comical to see most of the crew covered with the pink liquid. After the direct hit of the retardant, we cleaned one another off, and since it was now getting dark, we were able to have dinner.
There was no way we were leaving the fire line until the next morning, so our food consisted of meals ready to eat, or MRE. I have not eaten my MRE to date for various reasons, but tonight my choice was to either go hungry or eat the MRE. I chose to eat the MRE which, to my surprise, was quite tasty. It is a full-course dinner, and mine was vegetarian. No, I didn’t order this. It just worked out this way. Inside the pouch were crackers, peanut butter, dried cranberries, pound cake, and spicy pasta penne. I ate the crackers and the spicy pasta penne. Also in the pouch was a pouch which could be used to heat the spicy pasta penne. This was a remarkable device because all I had to do was place the pouch of the spicy pasta penne into the heating pouch and add a small amount of water. There was a heating device at the bottom of the pouch, and in one minute, the pasta was warmed. I was quite impressed by the heating device and the taste of the pasta. Of course, I didn’t want to read the ingredients of the pasta because the list longer than the first five chapters of “War and Peace”! The purpose of the MRE is to supply the user with calories, which equal energy. When I first saw the MRE’s when I started three months ago, I was very hesitant, but now I am certainly impressed with them.
Dinner was over, and now we were tasked to watch the fire all night long. The crew spread out along the fire line and a safe distance away from the many burning tall trees. I did find a safe spot and watched a 60-foot tree burn all night long, and as it burned, it came down in sections. As it crashed down in these sections, it made a tremendous thudding sound. There were big trees and staying away from them was the idea. I did watch in amazement as the fire burned mostly in the trees. Another tall tree looked as if it was glowing as the fire reflected off its branches in the darkness. The fire strangely was very peaceful at this point, and up in the sky, there were thousands of stars. We did take turns staying awake, and I did manage a few hours of sleep. Yes, I slept on the ground with my jacket as a blanket since the temperature was in the low 50’s. Not only did the temperature drop, we were at 7,000 feet above sea level, and at one point during the evening, the relative humidity was 2%. The lowest relative humidity I have ever encountered prior to this was 5% when I lived in Las Vegas. Yes, it was very dry last night, and thankfully, the winds stayed down during the night. The fire was still burning, but it wasn’t spreading in the area where I was.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Definitely In Training
Yesterday morning, I started writing at 8:00 a.m., and when I stopped writing, it was 12:20 p.m. I only stopped once during this time for a few minutes. I composed two letters and two entries for the blog during this time, which covered 24 written pages. I was flabbergasted when I looked at my watch and 4 hours and 20 minutes had gone by. There are days when I struggle to write anything, but there are days like yesterday when the words just seem to flow very easily. In the “Power of Intention,” the author, Dr. Wayne Dyer, writes about his writing and how he cannot explain where the words come from. He attributes his writing to the energy of the universe. I can understand exactly what the author is saying because, often times as I am writing, I didn’t know what the next word is until I write that word. Also, through my writing, comes therapy, and I do feel better about myself each time I write.
As I wrote yesterday, visiting was canceled for the day; however, two of my very dear friends called ahead and were told by someone in the office that I was here and visiting would be held. Unfortunately for my dear friends, after making the long drive to the camp, they were informed that all visits had been canceled. I have incredible friends, and each day I am touched by them in so many ways. I feel so badly that they drove all this way only to be turned away. This could have been avoided if they were told when they called that visiting had been canceled. This is anything but a perfect system and mistakes happen. I have been at the mercy of this system for the past 13 months, and I accept all its shortcomings. Now, these shortcomings are affecting my dear friends, and I am disappointed. I know there is NOTHING I can do about these mishaps, and thankfully, my friends are very understanding people. They once again took time out of their busy schedules to visit me, but they were unable to see me because the C/O’s were short staffed. This is yet another glaring example of the many events outside of my control. It truly is so unfortunate this happened yesterday, but there is nothing anyone can do. I continue to be grateful for the incredible friendships I have forged in such a short period of time. These are great people, and I love them very much.
The rest of yesterday was a lazy day. I did not exercise and gave my body a day of rest. I started a new book, “Money and the Meaning of Life” by Jacob Needleman. This book was recommended by one of the members of the “table” who is very spiritual. This is a very interesting book because it poses some very interesting points. According to the author, prison is an essential ingredient in life from a spiritual point of view. I have only read a few chapters, but the book is nothing like I thought it would be. The message of “money is the root of all evil: is NOT found in this book. On the flip side, “money equals happiness” is also NOT found in this book. Thus far, the message is somewhere between these two extremes. The book is written on a very high level and does real like a college textbook. The points are fascinating, but the writing style is a bit dull. I am plodding my way through it, and it certainly has given many questions to ponder.
In the evening, I stayed outside talking to my friends at the “table.” The friend who works in the kitchen had a whirlwind 48 hours, sleeping a total of 8 of those hours as he assisted the kitchen with the many meals they prepared. On Saturday afternoon my crew and another crew responded to the fire, which resulted in no crews in the camp. Since my camp has an area of responsibility, this means two crews from another camp had to be brought in. These crews were brought in on Saturday afternoon, and the guys in these crews needed to be fed. This is a common practice during fire season as fire crews are all around this state. This has been a mild fire season thus far, thank God, but with over two months remaining, anything can happen. My friend who works with the kitchen is somewhat of a workaholic and was in his element this weekend. The lack of sleep was taking its toll on him, but it was good to catch up with him last night. During the conversations, there was more laughter than usual, which is always a positive. This was a good way to end the weekend.
The evening was over, and I was off to bed. I read one chapter before falling asleep. It seems the short staff of the C/O’s is taking its toll on the remaining C/O’s. Lately, it seems the shining of the flashlight during the early morning walkthroughs have become more pronounced. Last night, I awoke twice when I felt the beam of a flashlight hit my face. These C/O’s have been pulling their fair share of shifts, and most of them are sleep deprived, especially those working the overnight shift. I remember from the few times I would work this shift that I didn’t quite feel myself until three or four days later. I cannot imagine what it feels like to work two weeks of overnight shifts coupled with another shift during the day, yet somehow, they are doing it. Fire season has so many ramifications for so many people, and it is not limited to the inmates. Even though we inmates are only paid $1 an hour when we fight fires, I believe we have it easier than most. All of the decisions are made, and all we have to do is go with the flow. This is exactly what I have been doing, and it has worked very well.
Today being th4e back to work day, meant my exercise cycle started up once again. Monday is a running day, and I did run. Yes, I am now known as the guy who runs all the time by my fellow inmates and the C/O’s. I have been going at a slower-than-usual pace mostly due to the hill, but I still feel very good. Today was one of the better runs, and I am so grateful I can exercise early in the morning before work. This is part of keeping me sane, and sometimes, I have a tendency to go overboard with exercise, but the bottom line is it helps to clean my mind. I have been exercising for the better part of the last 17 years, and I do know I used exercising as a coping mechanism when I was doing the things I shouldn’t have done. I still use exercising as a coping mechanism, but now I am doing the things I should do, which makes a world of difference in a positive manner.
My exercise session was over, and it was on to the shower and then breakfast. Breakfast was uneventful, and now even the meals have their own routine as the breakfasts vary little from week to week. I did have the extra bowl of oatmeal this morning which does help my caloric intake. As breakfast was complete, it was time to get ready for work. My captain is still out on vacation and is due back tomorrow, so the possibility of having a lay-in existed. Work call was announced, and I made my way over to the bus Area. There wasn’t a captain to cover my crew today, so the lay-in (day off again!) did happen. I certainly didn’t mind the lay-in because this meant I could assist with the cleaning of the bathrooms again. This was very good training because Monday is the deep cleaning of the week.
Yes, I assisted with the cleaning of the bathrooms and, believe it or not, it was fun. I was told by the current bathroom porter that I am a good worker and that he was happy he referred me for the job. This was a nice thing to hear, and I thanked him. The cleaning of the bathrooms is not as gross as it may sound. I do wear protective gloves and have industrial-strength cleaning supplies. The bathrooms are fairly large, but the bulk of the cleaning occurs when scrubbing, but being able to use an industrial-strength hose when rinsing certainly helps matters. I realize cleaning the bathrooms (by the way, there are only two) is not exactly a glamorous position, but evidently, a few of my fellow inmates want this position as well. I have been the only one to volunteer my services, so I guess I have this going for me. I have been the only one to volunteer my services, so I guess I have this going for me. It seems everyone in camp believes I have the position already, but I know better. Tomorrow, I will present the job change form to my captain for his signature. Presumably, he will sign it. Then it goes to the C/O in charge of this position. A whole host of things can happen to prevent me from getting this position, but I am looking at the positives. If it is meant to be for me, then I will get the position, and if it is not, then oh well. Only time will answer this, and in the meantime, I am an inmate/firefighter and will do what I am told.
The three of us completely cleaned the bathrooms well before 11:00 a.m. Yes, the job will be three times longer when I do it by myself, but I do look forward to the opportunity. My routine will change, and this will be a positive change. The rest of the day was for me to do whatever I wanted. I was able to listen to the news on the radio, write, and read. Amazingly, the day did fly by very quickly. This could very well be my program for the next six months, and by that time, I will be a certified bathroom cleaner extraordinaire!
As I wrote yesterday, visiting was canceled for the day; however, two of my very dear friends called ahead and were told by someone in the office that I was here and visiting would be held. Unfortunately for my dear friends, after making the long drive to the camp, they were informed that all visits had been canceled. I have incredible friends, and each day I am touched by them in so many ways. I feel so badly that they drove all this way only to be turned away. This could have been avoided if they were told when they called that visiting had been canceled. This is anything but a perfect system and mistakes happen. I have been at the mercy of this system for the past 13 months, and I accept all its shortcomings. Now, these shortcomings are affecting my dear friends, and I am disappointed. I know there is NOTHING I can do about these mishaps, and thankfully, my friends are very understanding people. They once again took time out of their busy schedules to visit me, but they were unable to see me because the C/O’s were short staffed. This is yet another glaring example of the many events outside of my control. It truly is so unfortunate this happened yesterday, but there is nothing anyone can do. I continue to be grateful for the incredible friendships I have forged in such a short period of time. These are great people, and I love them very much.
The rest of yesterday was a lazy day. I did not exercise and gave my body a day of rest. I started a new book, “Money and the Meaning of Life” by Jacob Needleman. This book was recommended by one of the members of the “table” who is very spiritual. This is a very interesting book because it poses some very interesting points. According to the author, prison is an essential ingredient in life from a spiritual point of view. I have only read a few chapters, but the book is nothing like I thought it would be. The message of “money is the root of all evil: is NOT found in this book. On the flip side, “money equals happiness” is also NOT found in this book. Thus far, the message is somewhere between these two extremes. The book is written on a very high level and does real like a college textbook. The points are fascinating, but the writing style is a bit dull. I am plodding my way through it, and it certainly has given many questions to ponder.
In the evening, I stayed outside talking to my friends at the “table.” The friend who works in the kitchen had a whirlwind 48 hours, sleeping a total of 8 of those hours as he assisted the kitchen with the many meals they prepared. On Saturday afternoon my crew and another crew responded to the fire, which resulted in no crews in the camp. Since my camp has an area of responsibility, this means two crews from another camp had to be brought in. These crews were brought in on Saturday afternoon, and the guys in these crews needed to be fed. This is a common practice during fire season as fire crews are all around this state. This has been a mild fire season thus far, thank God, but with over two months remaining, anything can happen. My friend who works with the kitchen is somewhat of a workaholic and was in his element this weekend. The lack of sleep was taking its toll on him, but it was good to catch up with him last night. During the conversations, there was more laughter than usual, which is always a positive. This was a good way to end the weekend.
The evening was over, and I was off to bed. I read one chapter before falling asleep. It seems the short staff of the C/O’s is taking its toll on the remaining C/O’s. Lately, it seems the shining of the flashlight during the early morning walkthroughs have become more pronounced. Last night, I awoke twice when I felt the beam of a flashlight hit my face. These C/O’s have been pulling their fair share of shifts, and most of them are sleep deprived, especially those working the overnight shift. I remember from the few times I would work this shift that I didn’t quite feel myself until three or four days later. I cannot imagine what it feels like to work two weeks of overnight shifts coupled with another shift during the day, yet somehow, they are doing it. Fire season has so many ramifications for so many people, and it is not limited to the inmates. Even though we inmates are only paid $1 an hour when we fight fires, I believe we have it easier than most. All of the decisions are made, and all we have to do is go with the flow. This is exactly what I have been doing, and it has worked very well.
Today being th4e back to work day, meant my exercise cycle started up once again. Monday is a running day, and I did run. Yes, I am now known as the guy who runs all the time by my fellow inmates and the C/O’s. I have been going at a slower-than-usual pace mostly due to the hill, but I still feel very good. Today was one of the better runs, and I am so grateful I can exercise early in the morning before work. This is part of keeping me sane, and sometimes, I have a tendency to go overboard with exercise, but the bottom line is it helps to clean my mind. I have been exercising for the better part of the last 17 years, and I do know I used exercising as a coping mechanism when I was doing the things I shouldn’t have done. I still use exercising as a coping mechanism, but now I am doing the things I should do, which makes a world of difference in a positive manner.
My exercise session was over, and it was on to the shower and then breakfast. Breakfast was uneventful, and now even the meals have their own routine as the breakfasts vary little from week to week. I did have the extra bowl of oatmeal this morning which does help my caloric intake. As breakfast was complete, it was time to get ready for work. My captain is still out on vacation and is due back tomorrow, so the possibility of having a lay-in existed. Work call was announced, and I made my way over to the bus Area. There wasn’t a captain to cover my crew today, so the lay-in (day off again!) did happen. I certainly didn’t mind the lay-in because this meant I could assist with the cleaning of the bathrooms again. This was very good training because Monday is the deep cleaning of the week.
Yes, I assisted with the cleaning of the bathrooms and, believe it or not, it was fun. I was told by the current bathroom porter that I am a good worker and that he was happy he referred me for the job. This was a nice thing to hear, and I thanked him. The cleaning of the bathrooms is not as gross as it may sound. I do wear protective gloves and have industrial-strength cleaning supplies. The bathrooms are fairly large, but the bulk of the cleaning occurs when scrubbing, but being able to use an industrial-strength hose when rinsing certainly helps matters. I realize cleaning the bathrooms (by the way, there are only two) is not exactly a glamorous position, but evidently, a few of my fellow inmates want this position as well. I have been the only one to volunteer my services, so I guess I have this going for me. I have been the only one to volunteer my services, so I guess I have this going for me. It seems everyone in camp believes I have the position already, but I know better. Tomorrow, I will present the job change form to my captain for his signature. Presumably, he will sign it. Then it goes to the C/O in charge of this position. A whole host of things can happen to prevent me from getting this position, but I am looking at the positives. If it is meant to be for me, then I will get the position, and if it is not, then oh well. Only time will answer this, and in the meantime, I am an inmate/firefighter and will do what I am told.
The three of us completely cleaned the bathrooms well before 11:00 a.m. Yes, the job will be three times longer when I do it by myself, but I do look forward to the opportunity. My routine will change, and this will be a positive change. The rest of the day was for me to do whatever I wanted. I was able to listen to the news on the radio, write, and read. Amazingly, the day did fly by very quickly. This could very well be my program for the next six months, and by that time, I will be a certified bathroom cleaner extraordinaire!
Sunday, August 19, 2007
No Visits
I was tired last night and I remember turning off my radio at 9:30 pm, going to sleep and the next thing I realized it was 3:15 am. This is a very long stretch of sleep for me and being out in the hot sun all day yesterday did take its toll. I managed to stay in bed for an hour or so after that. After showering, an announcement came over the loudspeaker which stated all visits were cancelled today. Oh well, so much for having visits today. I was hoping my very good friend who I haven’t seen since last year would come today. He was supposed to come last week but that didn’t happen because I went to a fire. I know I will see him soon, it is only a matter of time.
The reasons the visits were cancelled today was that the CO’s are short staffed. Since there are so many crews out of the camp, they have to accompany these crews. My crew is the only one in camp this morning because the other crew who went out yesterday had to go back today as a precautionary measure. I felt bad for these guys because they departed early this morning and presumably will only be there to watch and see if the fire is completely out. This also means 2 crews from a different camp are here to cover any fire calls. My camp has an area of responsibility which must be manned by at least 2 crews at all times. These guys slept here on the grass last night and could be here for a few days.
The CO’s on duty were kind enough to turn the telephones on early so we could call anyone who was scheduled to visit to inform them visits had been cancelled today. I took this time to call my wife. I really wanted to call her yesterday, but could not since I was out on the fire. I did connect with her and we had a very good conversation. I told her about my decision to come in camp to be the bathroom porter. She seemed surprised since I did tell her I wasn’t going to pursue it. I explained my reasoning and she understood. She told me she was starting work tomorrow with a local attorney for a perfect part time job. The hours correspond with the children’s school hours. My sister and mother will watch them this week and I am so grateful for their love and support. She then informed me about an extraneous issue regarding the 401k which now has been rolled over to an IRA. This issue should be resolved as my wife follows up this week. Everything is indeed coming together.
I hung up and since it was approaching 7:00 am, I thought I would venture into the television room to watch the news. I was happy to see the local ABC affiliate was on and broadcasting the news. I learned that a very large hurricane is approaching Jamaica. My children and family were there 2 weeks ago and I thanked God they were not there today. Also, on the news was another wildfire in Lake Tahoe but this one looked contained. AS I was getting into the news the channel changed to a movie. The television schedule is set-up a day in advance and all the channel changes are programmed. I only got to watch 5 minutes of the news before the channel changed. Oh well, I had no interest in the movie and went outside to sit by the fountain.
As I was sitting by the fountain, a member of the crew came up to me and we started talking about the helicopter ride from yesterday. He told me that was the first time he was in any aircraft. He has never been on an airplane, let alone a helicopter. He was genuinely excited about the opportunity to have ridden on one. His face was full of excitement and I was moved. This does put many things in perspective for me because I have been on countless airplane rides ranging from a 747 to a 3 seater single engine airplane. I never took the time to appreciate all the events in my life until these past 2 ½ years. I am so grateful and I have a new outlook on life. I am certainly no better than any other person on this Earth and this journey continues to teach me everyday. This morning, talking with the crew member made me smile.
There is a book which is called DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF; I have not read it but presumably it goes into what the title describes which is don’t let the small stuff bog you down. Today my book (just a metaphor) is titled BE GRATEFUL FOR THE SMALL STUFF. For me this is a huge key because it is fairly easy (sometimes) to be grateful for the big stuff such as wife, kids, God, house, career, etc. However, the small stuff goes unappreciated which leads to not appreciating the big stuff. This is where I was 2 ½ plus years ago, but today I appreciate my life tremendously. In a few days, I will turn 42 years of age and I am grateful for every one of these years because it is exactly as it is intended to be. I miss my family dearly, but I know in 6 ½ months I will be with them as a free man in so many different ways. The chains which have bound me over my life have been broken and through recovery, stay broken. I am repeating myself, but it is well worth repeating. My life today grows richer every moment – thanks to all the blessings in and around it. I am so grateful for everyone and everything in my life.
The reasons the visits were cancelled today was that the CO’s are short staffed. Since there are so many crews out of the camp, they have to accompany these crews. My crew is the only one in camp this morning because the other crew who went out yesterday had to go back today as a precautionary measure. I felt bad for these guys because they departed early this morning and presumably will only be there to watch and see if the fire is completely out. This also means 2 crews from a different camp are here to cover any fire calls. My camp has an area of responsibility which must be manned by at least 2 crews at all times. These guys slept here on the grass last night and could be here for a few days.
The CO’s on duty were kind enough to turn the telephones on early so we could call anyone who was scheduled to visit to inform them visits had been cancelled today. I took this time to call my wife. I really wanted to call her yesterday, but could not since I was out on the fire. I did connect with her and we had a very good conversation. I told her about my decision to come in camp to be the bathroom porter. She seemed surprised since I did tell her I wasn’t going to pursue it. I explained my reasoning and she understood. She told me she was starting work tomorrow with a local attorney for a perfect part time job. The hours correspond with the children’s school hours. My sister and mother will watch them this week and I am so grateful for their love and support. She then informed me about an extraneous issue regarding the 401k which now has been rolled over to an IRA. This issue should be resolved as my wife follows up this week. Everything is indeed coming together.
I hung up and since it was approaching 7:00 am, I thought I would venture into the television room to watch the news. I was happy to see the local ABC affiliate was on and broadcasting the news. I learned that a very large hurricane is approaching Jamaica. My children and family were there 2 weeks ago and I thanked God they were not there today. Also, on the news was another wildfire in Lake Tahoe but this one looked contained. AS I was getting into the news the channel changed to a movie. The television schedule is set-up a day in advance and all the channel changes are programmed. I only got to watch 5 minutes of the news before the channel changed. Oh well, I had no interest in the movie and went outside to sit by the fountain.
As I was sitting by the fountain, a member of the crew came up to me and we started talking about the helicopter ride from yesterday. He told me that was the first time he was in any aircraft. He has never been on an airplane, let alone a helicopter. He was genuinely excited about the opportunity to have ridden on one. His face was full of excitement and I was moved. This does put many things in perspective for me because I have been on countless airplane rides ranging from a 747 to a 3 seater single engine airplane. I never took the time to appreciate all the events in my life until these past 2 ½ years. I am so grateful and I have a new outlook on life. I am certainly no better than any other person on this Earth and this journey continues to teach me everyday. This morning, talking with the crew member made me smile.
There is a book which is called DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF; I have not read it but presumably it goes into what the title describes which is don’t let the small stuff bog you down. Today my book (just a metaphor) is titled BE GRATEFUL FOR THE SMALL STUFF. For me this is a huge key because it is fairly easy (sometimes) to be grateful for the big stuff such as wife, kids, God, house, career, etc. However, the small stuff goes unappreciated which leads to not appreciating the big stuff. This is where I was 2 ½ plus years ago, but today I appreciate my life tremendously. In a few days, I will turn 42 years of age and I am grateful for every one of these years because it is exactly as it is intended to be. I miss my family dearly, but I know in 6 ½ months I will be with them as a free man in so many different ways. The chains which have bound me over my life have been broken and through recovery, stay broken. I am repeating myself, but it is well worth repeating. My life today grows richer every moment – thanks to all the blessings in and around it. I am so grateful for everyone and everything in my life.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Helicopter Ride
Last night as I was in line for dinner (which was a specially made cheese lasagna just for myself and one other person because the rest of the lasagna had turkey meat in it) the call came over the intercom that the two crews remaining in camp would be going out on a fire call after dinner. This announcement changed the entire demeanor of just about everyone in the dining hall – me included. I hurried and ate the very delicious cheese lasagna. Everyone else in the dining hall also ate very quickly and the conversations were minimal. There are many guys who look forward to these fire calls but when they happen on Friday nights, it seems no one wants to go out on a fire call. My feelings are somewhat ambivalent. I know this is my lot for the moment and I accept it. I don’t get overly excited – for me it is what it is. I do my best to stay positive in everyway. Truthfully, I wasn’t looking forward to responding to a fire call last night which potentially could have cancelled any visits I may have this weekend. However, I have no other options and I must do what I am told.
I finished my meal and set off to my room to prepare. Of course, just like previous calls it was hurry up and wait. The other crew headed out while my crew waited for our Captain. About an hour later, an announcement was made that my crew wouldn’t be leaving tonight, instead we would be going out at 6:00 am in the morning. In a perfect world these fire calls would occur on weekdays leaving the weekends for visits but this is not realistic. But I am doing something I never thought I would ever do and soaking in every moment.
I boarded the fire bus at 6:00 am and we were off to the fire which was about an hour away in a desert area of Anza. Since the fire was in a very remote and rugged location, a helicopter was needed to access the area. We could have hiked to the area but that would have taken several hours through some hilly and rocky terrain. For once we didn’t have to hike since the helicopter was available. Many of my fellow crew members were very excited about the prospect of flying on the helicopter. I too was excited because this would be my first helicopter ride. I remember flying on a very small airplane with my father and sister in the Poconos when I was a child. This was a scenic tour of the area and the small plane functioned like a helicopter. I also remember wanting to take a helicopter tour of the volcanoes in Hawaii but after reading how often these crash, I chickened out. Today I had no choice but to fly in it since it was the quickest way to get to the burn area.
The helicopter seated 8 passengers with 1 pilot. Payload is a very large factor in determining the seating capacity for the ride. Each of us was asked our weight combined with the weight of our backpack in order to figure out how many crew members can fly on the helicopter. Yes, of course, I weighed the least with a combined weight of 185 pounds. (145 for me and 40 for my backpack) The other weight ranges were in the 200 plus range and the helitack crew did all number crunching to see who was flying with who. The other crew went first to scope out the burn area and if need be we would join them later. We waited an hour and a half and got the call that they needed assistance. We were then given the safety precautions about entering and exiting – which were to stay away from the back because this is where the tail rotor is located and to not move during the flight. Movement makes the helicopter very unstable and if the pilot senses this he will set the helicopter down.
I was in the second group to board and since I was the last person I got to sit next to the window. I entered very cognizant of keeping my head down for fear of the center rotor. To my surprise, this was well above my head – about 10 feet from the ground. I did sit next to the window which was also next to the door. The helicopter felt much like a very small airplane with the one exception of being able to take off straight up. The short ride of 3 minutes was very smooth and so was the landing. As I was up in the air, I thought to myself, “What a great experience.” Here I am in prison yet I was in a helicopter headed to fight a wildfire. Yes, my situation keeps getting better as each day passes.
As I disembarked the helicopter, I surveyed the burned area and once again the fire was essentially out but there were a few areas which were smoldering. A fire line had been put around the small area of 4 acres. I also noticed the surrounding area which was all desert with some vegetation. The fire could have gotten out of control, but based on the surrounding area even with high winds, it would have been a slow moving fire. This was one of nature’s fires because it started by a lightning strike. I believe nature knows what it is doing and mankind is screwing this up. In my mind there wasn’t any reason to not let this fire take its course. There were no structures and the location was remote. Nature has been doing these kinds of things for millions of years and the earth has flourished. Anyhow the fire was contained from the night before with airplane drops of fire retardant. This turned some of the area a shade of orange. Yes, the fire blackened the area and destroyed some vegetation. The smell lingered in the air but I also noticed a very nice smelling fragrance which I really enjoyed. This almost smelled like Eucalyptus, but it was not, it was a juniper bush.
I was smack in the middle of a desert and fortunately the temp only reached 100 degrees with the humidity at 20%. Our task was to rake through the white ash and to stop anything which was smoldering. I actually put out 2 fires (real fires – well very small fires which were in the root of a cactus) using my McLeod and dirt. I did my best to keep raking throughout the day but towards the afternoon many of us were tired and most of the work was complete. We took several breaks during the afternoon and shade was a prized commodity. There weren’t many tall trees and sometimes shade was found behind a large rock. However, rattlesnakes have a tendency to frequent these locations so sitting there is not recommended. I didn’t see any live snakes but I did see a snake skin. It appeared the snake was killed in the fire as only the skin was left. Another interesting thing about literally being in the middle of nowhere was there were flies everywhere. I couldn’t figure out why because there weren’t any live or dead animals around nor was there any water nearby, but there were plenty of flies.
Finally around 4:30, the Captain radioed for the helicopter and we started moving out. Just like our arrival, the helitack crew crunched the passenger weights and put us in order. The ride back was the same as the smooth ride this morning. I was in awe of the surroundings. The ride only lasted 3 minutes, but I was in the helicopter as an inmate and I am very blessed to have this opportunity. Sometimes even though I do my best to maintain positive outlook, I do get down. Being in the helicopter for a total of 7 minutes today outweighed anything negative from the entire day. I am truly fortunate to have been given this new lease on life and I am making everyday count. I do have an incredible life which gets more incredible with each passing day.
I finished my meal and set off to my room to prepare. Of course, just like previous calls it was hurry up and wait. The other crew headed out while my crew waited for our Captain. About an hour later, an announcement was made that my crew wouldn’t be leaving tonight, instead we would be going out at 6:00 am in the morning. In a perfect world these fire calls would occur on weekdays leaving the weekends for visits but this is not realistic. But I am doing something I never thought I would ever do and soaking in every moment.
I boarded the fire bus at 6:00 am and we were off to the fire which was about an hour away in a desert area of Anza. Since the fire was in a very remote and rugged location, a helicopter was needed to access the area. We could have hiked to the area but that would have taken several hours through some hilly and rocky terrain. For once we didn’t have to hike since the helicopter was available. Many of my fellow crew members were very excited about the prospect of flying on the helicopter. I too was excited because this would be my first helicopter ride. I remember flying on a very small airplane with my father and sister in the Poconos when I was a child. This was a scenic tour of the area and the small plane functioned like a helicopter. I also remember wanting to take a helicopter tour of the volcanoes in Hawaii but after reading how often these crash, I chickened out. Today I had no choice but to fly in it since it was the quickest way to get to the burn area.
The helicopter seated 8 passengers with 1 pilot. Payload is a very large factor in determining the seating capacity for the ride. Each of us was asked our weight combined with the weight of our backpack in order to figure out how many crew members can fly on the helicopter. Yes, of course, I weighed the least with a combined weight of 185 pounds. (145 for me and 40 for my backpack) The other weight ranges were in the 200 plus range and the helitack crew did all number crunching to see who was flying with who. The other crew went first to scope out the burn area and if need be we would join them later. We waited an hour and a half and got the call that they needed assistance. We were then given the safety precautions about entering and exiting – which were to stay away from the back because this is where the tail rotor is located and to not move during the flight. Movement makes the helicopter very unstable and if the pilot senses this he will set the helicopter down.
I was in the second group to board and since I was the last person I got to sit next to the window. I entered very cognizant of keeping my head down for fear of the center rotor. To my surprise, this was well above my head – about 10 feet from the ground. I did sit next to the window which was also next to the door. The helicopter felt much like a very small airplane with the one exception of being able to take off straight up. The short ride of 3 minutes was very smooth and so was the landing. As I was up in the air, I thought to myself, “What a great experience.” Here I am in prison yet I was in a helicopter headed to fight a wildfire. Yes, my situation keeps getting better as each day passes.
As I disembarked the helicopter, I surveyed the burned area and once again the fire was essentially out but there were a few areas which were smoldering. A fire line had been put around the small area of 4 acres. I also noticed the surrounding area which was all desert with some vegetation. The fire could have gotten out of control, but based on the surrounding area even with high winds, it would have been a slow moving fire. This was one of nature’s fires because it started by a lightning strike. I believe nature knows what it is doing and mankind is screwing this up. In my mind there wasn’t any reason to not let this fire take its course. There were no structures and the location was remote. Nature has been doing these kinds of things for millions of years and the earth has flourished. Anyhow the fire was contained from the night before with airplane drops of fire retardant. This turned some of the area a shade of orange. Yes, the fire blackened the area and destroyed some vegetation. The smell lingered in the air but I also noticed a very nice smelling fragrance which I really enjoyed. This almost smelled like Eucalyptus, but it was not, it was a juniper bush.
I was smack in the middle of a desert and fortunately the temp only reached 100 degrees with the humidity at 20%. Our task was to rake through the white ash and to stop anything which was smoldering. I actually put out 2 fires (real fires – well very small fires which were in the root of a cactus) using my McLeod and dirt. I did my best to keep raking throughout the day but towards the afternoon many of us were tired and most of the work was complete. We took several breaks during the afternoon and shade was a prized commodity. There weren’t many tall trees and sometimes shade was found behind a large rock. However, rattlesnakes have a tendency to frequent these locations so sitting there is not recommended. I didn’t see any live snakes but I did see a snake skin. It appeared the snake was killed in the fire as only the skin was left. Another interesting thing about literally being in the middle of nowhere was there were flies everywhere. I couldn’t figure out why because there weren’t any live or dead animals around nor was there any water nearby, but there were plenty of flies.
Finally around 4:30, the Captain radioed for the helicopter and we started moving out. Just like our arrival, the helitack crew crunched the passenger weights and put us in order. The ride back was the same as the smooth ride this morning. I was in awe of the surroundings. The ride only lasted 3 minutes, but I was in the helicopter as an inmate and I am very blessed to have this opportunity. Sometimes even though I do my best to maintain positive outlook, I do get down. Being in the helicopter for a total of 7 minutes today outweighed anything negative from the entire day. I am truly fortunate to have been given this new lease on life and I am making everyday count. I do have an incredible life which gets more incredible with each passing day.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Preview Of The Day To Come
While I was sitting at the table last night. I felt some liquid fall from my left nostril. I placed my hand to keep the liquid from dripping and noticed I had blood coming from my nose. This has happened to me in the past but it is not the usual occurrence. I’m not sure I can label this a nose bleed because I quickly got some tissues and the blood stopped dripping. It was more of a nose drip as opposed to a nose bleed. My friend who works with the kitchen stated as he saw the blood come from my nose, “This means that you are not getting enough exercise and are eating too much!” Of course, he said this with much sarcasm. I do wonder what causes this and usually when it is very dry, my nose does have a tendency to bleed but it hasn’t been very dry lately. Thankfully, the blood stopped and there is nothing that I should concern myself with.
We all seemed to turn in early last night and instead of reading I listened to the radio before falling asleep. I have discovered a radio station that plays my type of music – soft rock – from the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s to current. Technically this station is based out of the same city I used to work in. I don’t remember ever listening to it when I lived there so maybe they have changed their format. Anyhow, in the evenings, John Tesh has a radio program each weekday evening. Yes, the same John Tesh from the Olympics, Entertainment Tonight. The name of the program is “Intelligence for Your Life”. Along with really good music, he throws in some very good facts all throughout the show. I listened for about an hour before falling asleep.
The Administrative Captain gave the entire crew something to do today which was unlike the past 2 days where we had nothing to do. However, he gave us a very good incentive. He told us that when we finished the project which was picking up rocks he would check us back into the camp and our day would be done. These words invigorated everyone on the crew and we all worked very hard for the 90 minutes it took to pick up the rocks. True to his word, he checked the entire crew back into camp at 10:00 am. Our day and our week were complete. This once again gave me the entire day to myself.
As I was sitting in my room, I wondered if these past 3 days were a preview of the days to come. The word through the grapevine is I will get the bathroom porter position when the current person in this position paroles on September 4th. Of course nothing in this system is set in stone and things are subject to change. I can’t exactly put my finger on why I now want to come in camp because a whole host of factors have come into play. I am of the mindset that at this point in my incarceration, I can make anything work. I only have 6 ½ months remaining and no matter what job I have this time will pass and it will pass quickly. I should know whether I have the position in 2 weeks.
In the realm of intention – and there are no such things as coincidences - yesterday at dinner the CO informed me that my previous employer telephoned once again and still wants to speak with me. Unfortunately, the Lieutenant is out with 2 of the crews on a fire so no arrangements can be made. I am more curious than anything to speak with them and I do believe I will have the opportunity. This was an interesting turn of events because the night before I composed a thank you letter to the person at my previous employer who assisted my wife with the 401K issue. Along with thanking this person, I also mentioned about how the Investigator from my previous employer had telephoned last month and wanted to speak with me. This letter went out on the same day the telephone call was made by my previous employer inquiring if they could speak with me. THE SECRET and THE POWER OF INTENTION are hard at work on this matter because surely these are not mere coincidences. I do look forward to this conversation which will happen, it does seem inevitable.
Being in camp these past 3 days has added so much more time to the evenings. I can now enjoy the beautiful sunsets and the conversations. Adding more time in prison may sound like a contradiction in terms. I certainly don’t want any more time added to my sentence as I am quite happy with my current parole date. However, slowing down the evenings is a positive because the days now go by so much quicker. Also, I feel as if I have more say in how my day goes as opposed to being at the hand of others. These past few days have been very good and if they are indeed a preview of the days, weeks, and months to come – everything is going to be wonderful!
We all seemed to turn in early last night and instead of reading I listened to the radio before falling asleep. I have discovered a radio station that plays my type of music – soft rock – from the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s to current. Technically this station is based out of the same city I used to work in. I don’t remember ever listening to it when I lived there so maybe they have changed their format. Anyhow, in the evenings, John Tesh has a radio program each weekday evening. Yes, the same John Tesh from the Olympics, Entertainment Tonight. The name of the program is “Intelligence for Your Life”. Along with really good music, he throws in some very good facts all throughout the show. I listened for about an hour before falling asleep.
The Administrative Captain gave the entire crew something to do today which was unlike the past 2 days where we had nothing to do. However, he gave us a very good incentive. He told us that when we finished the project which was picking up rocks he would check us back into the camp and our day would be done. These words invigorated everyone on the crew and we all worked very hard for the 90 minutes it took to pick up the rocks. True to his word, he checked the entire crew back into camp at 10:00 am. Our day and our week were complete. This once again gave me the entire day to myself.
As I was sitting in my room, I wondered if these past 3 days were a preview of the days to come. The word through the grapevine is I will get the bathroom porter position when the current person in this position paroles on September 4th. Of course nothing in this system is set in stone and things are subject to change. I can’t exactly put my finger on why I now want to come in camp because a whole host of factors have come into play. I am of the mindset that at this point in my incarceration, I can make anything work. I only have 6 ½ months remaining and no matter what job I have this time will pass and it will pass quickly. I should know whether I have the position in 2 weeks.
In the realm of intention – and there are no such things as coincidences - yesterday at dinner the CO informed me that my previous employer telephoned once again and still wants to speak with me. Unfortunately, the Lieutenant is out with 2 of the crews on a fire so no arrangements can be made. I am more curious than anything to speak with them and I do believe I will have the opportunity. This was an interesting turn of events because the night before I composed a thank you letter to the person at my previous employer who assisted my wife with the 401K issue. Along with thanking this person, I also mentioned about how the Investigator from my previous employer had telephoned last month and wanted to speak with me. This letter went out on the same day the telephone call was made by my previous employer inquiring if they could speak with me. THE SECRET and THE POWER OF INTENTION are hard at work on this matter because surely these are not mere coincidences. I do look forward to this conversation which will happen, it does seem inevitable.
Being in camp these past 3 days has added so much more time to the evenings. I can now enjoy the beautiful sunsets and the conversations. Adding more time in prison may sound like a contradiction in terms. I certainly don’t want any more time added to my sentence as I am quite happy with my current parole date. However, slowing down the evenings is a positive because the days now go by so much quicker. Also, I feel as if I have more say in how my day goes as opposed to being at the hand of others. These past few days have been very good and if they are indeed a preview of the days, weeks, and months to come – everything is going to be wonderful!
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Toilets
Since I was able to accomplish all my writing yesterday afternoon, I had the entire evening to sit outside. My normal routine is to go to dinner then return to my room where I would write for at least an hour. There wasn’t any need for me to rush back to my room last night after dinner so I lingered outside and talked.
The mail was dispersed earlier in the day and I received one piece of mail from my mother. In her letter she enclosed an article on the prison overcrowding issues which plague California. This issue seems to be getting a great deal of press coverage lately. In the local newspaper there were 2 articles on this topic a few days ago. In one of those articles, the Republicans from the California State legislator have filed a motion in hopes to prevent the three judge panel from doing anything. This entire subject continues to get convoluted. They don’t want any inmates released early from state prison and they are doing everything in their power to maintain status quo. There is a huge problem within the California Department of Corrections yet the Republicans appear to be in denial. Something has to happen and it is only a matter of when. The overcrowding problem has gone on for at least 15 years and the solution to build more beds is not the end all be all solution. Yes, prison expansion is necessary but more programs have to be implemented to prepare felons for the outside world. Also, parole and sentencing guidelines need to be reformed.
California has the highest recidivism rate of any state in the country – nearly 70% return within 3 years. The Republicans believe all felons are violent yet some 50% of the total population of inmates (roughly 85,000) are sent to prison for NON-violent offenses. The “tough on crime” bumper sticker may look good in the papers and maybe good to get a candidate re-elected but the thinking is entirely flawed. I have witnessed many guys from here parole and at least 80% of them have fear in their eyes. This should be a joyous moment but so many of them did not receive any rehabilitative efforts during their incarceration. Unfortunately, this leads to the high recidivism rate. I always thought of California as being a state with compassion, but this is not the case when it comes to prison. The prison system is strictly punitive with little to no rehabilitation. I read somewhere that the prison model in California is a “catch and release” system. This sets up a seemingly never-ending revolving door for the inmates. This will change as soon as the Republicans wake up and stop denying that a real problem exists. I may not be the most objective person when it comes to this issue because I have lived in it for the past 13 months. However, I did deserve prison time for my offenses and I am doing all I can to get better. This has been all my own doing with the help of my dear family and friends. Many of the guys in here don’t have this luxury and I do feel for them. Inevitably, the system will change but as with most events with a political nature, it just takes time. In the meantime, I look forward to March 2nd of next year because I get to re-join my family a much better person.
Upon waking up this morning, the probability of being much like yesterday was very high. Yesterday my crew was laid in since all of the Captains are either on vacation or out with the 4 other crews. (Update – the 2 crews who went to Santa Barbara have been extended one more week which is a total of 3 weeks) This is a very long stretch, but it should make most of the guys happy because they stand to earn over $500.00 for these 3 weeks. The other 2 crews should be back in camp by this weekend. This means my crew is less likely to go out to Santa Barbara. I thought we might go this weekend. Even though I suspected having a lay-in I still did my normal morning exercise routine which consisted of 1000 leg lifts, followed by 30 sets of decline push-ups, squats, and tricep extensions.
Since there wasn’t any work, I went back to my room to read Harry Potter when one of my friends asked if I wanted to help clean the bathrooms. I had no hesitation and said, “Yes.” This was a perfect opportunity to see how they were cleaned as I am very interested in this position. This is the person who I am friendly with and we talk in the evenings. He wants me to get the bathroom porter job because we get along. He goes home the end of next month and if I do get this position he would help me for about three weeks since the person I am replacing leaves in early September. Anyhow, I watched and assisted with three people and the cleaning took no time at all. I assisted with the cleaning of the toilets which surprisingly weren’t that dirty. The fact that 4 crews or roughly 60 guys are out of the camp currently does help to maintain a cleaner bathroom longer but I was still surprised as to the cleanliness level of the toilets. Oddly this cleaning did feel therapeutic. When I lived in the house in Southern Cal for almost 5 years, I don’t remember cleaning the bathrooms once. My dear wife did all the cleaning and now here I am scrubbing toilets. This is a positive turn of events because never again will I take a clean bathroom for granted!
The cleaning of the bathrooms took a little over an hour and when we were done they were indeed clean. I am happy I helped out and if I am laid in tomorrow I will do the same. Apparently this bathroom position is coveted by a few other inmates. There is a god possibility that I may get the job.
The bathrooms were complete and I returned to my room to finish the Harry Potter book. J.K. Rowlings tied up all loose ends very nicely and the story does have a definite conclusion. There really is only one item which remained inconclusive, but I believe the author won’t continue the series. Over the weekend I was talking to one my very dear friends who visited me on Saturday about the series. My friend, who is the most intelligent person I know, made a statement about one of the characters and his statement was right on. At the time when he said this, I had my doubts but now that I have finished the book there isn’t any doubt. In summary “Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows” was the perfect conclusion to the series.
The mail was dispersed earlier in the day and I received one piece of mail from my mother. In her letter she enclosed an article on the prison overcrowding issues which plague California. This issue seems to be getting a great deal of press coverage lately. In the local newspaper there were 2 articles on this topic a few days ago. In one of those articles, the Republicans from the California State legislator have filed a motion in hopes to prevent the three judge panel from doing anything. This entire subject continues to get convoluted. They don’t want any inmates released early from state prison and they are doing everything in their power to maintain status quo. There is a huge problem within the California Department of Corrections yet the Republicans appear to be in denial. Something has to happen and it is only a matter of when. The overcrowding problem has gone on for at least 15 years and the solution to build more beds is not the end all be all solution. Yes, prison expansion is necessary but more programs have to be implemented to prepare felons for the outside world. Also, parole and sentencing guidelines need to be reformed.
California has the highest recidivism rate of any state in the country – nearly 70% return within 3 years. The Republicans believe all felons are violent yet some 50% of the total population of inmates (roughly 85,000) are sent to prison for NON-violent offenses. The “tough on crime” bumper sticker may look good in the papers and maybe good to get a candidate re-elected but the thinking is entirely flawed. I have witnessed many guys from here parole and at least 80% of them have fear in their eyes. This should be a joyous moment but so many of them did not receive any rehabilitative efforts during their incarceration. Unfortunately, this leads to the high recidivism rate. I always thought of California as being a state with compassion, but this is not the case when it comes to prison. The prison system is strictly punitive with little to no rehabilitation. I read somewhere that the prison model in California is a “catch and release” system. This sets up a seemingly never-ending revolving door for the inmates. This will change as soon as the Republicans wake up and stop denying that a real problem exists. I may not be the most objective person when it comes to this issue because I have lived in it for the past 13 months. However, I did deserve prison time for my offenses and I am doing all I can to get better. This has been all my own doing with the help of my dear family and friends. Many of the guys in here don’t have this luxury and I do feel for them. Inevitably, the system will change but as with most events with a political nature, it just takes time. In the meantime, I look forward to March 2nd of next year because I get to re-join my family a much better person.
Upon waking up this morning, the probability of being much like yesterday was very high. Yesterday my crew was laid in since all of the Captains are either on vacation or out with the 4 other crews. (Update – the 2 crews who went to Santa Barbara have been extended one more week which is a total of 3 weeks) This is a very long stretch, but it should make most of the guys happy because they stand to earn over $500.00 for these 3 weeks. The other 2 crews should be back in camp by this weekend. This means my crew is less likely to go out to Santa Barbara. I thought we might go this weekend. Even though I suspected having a lay-in I still did my normal morning exercise routine which consisted of 1000 leg lifts, followed by 30 sets of decline push-ups, squats, and tricep extensions.
Since there wasn’t any work, I went back to my room to read Harry Potter when one of my friends asked if I wanted to help clean the bathrooms. I had no hesitation and said, “Yes.” This was a perfect opportunity to see how they were cleaned as I am very interested in this position. This is the person who I am friendly with and we talk in the evenings. He wants me to get the bathroom porter job because we get along. He goes home the end of next month and if I do get this position he would help me for about three weeks since the person I am replacing leaves in early September. Anyhow, I watched and assisted with three people and the cleaning took no time at all. I assisted with the cleaning of the toilets which surprisingly weren’t that dirty. The fact that 4 crews or roughly 60 guys are out of the camp currently does help to maintain a cleaner bathroom longer but I was still surprised as to the cleanliness level of the toilets. Oddly this cleaning did feel therapeutic. When I lived in the house in Southern Cal for almost 5 years, I don’t remember cleaning the bathrooms once. My dear wife did all the cleaning and now here I am scrubbing toilets. This is a positive turn of events because never again will I take a clean bathroom for granted!
The cleaning of the bathrooms took a little over an hour and when we were done they were indeed clean. I am happy I helped out and if I am laid in tomorrow I will do the same. Apparently this bathroom position is coveted by a few other inmates. There is a god possibility that I may get the job.
The bathrooms were complete and I returned to my room to finish the Harry Potter book. J.K. Rowlings tied up all loose ends very nicely and the story does have a definite conclusion. There really is only one item which remained inconclusive, but I believe the author won’t continue the series. Over the weekend I was talking to one my very dear friends who visited me on Saturday about the series. My friend, who is the most intelligent person I know, made a statement about one of the characters and his statement was right on. At the time when he said this, I had my doubts but now that I have finished the book there isn’t any doubt. In summary “Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows” was the perfect conclusion to the series.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
An Indication
Over the past two evenings, I placed telephone calls to people who I have not spoken to in over one year. In this past 13 months, I have exclusively telephoned my wife, mother, and younger sister. I have not spoken to anyone else up until two nights ago. I received a message from my mom to call one of my brother-in-laws. I also received this same message from a C/O which was relayed from my dear friends in GA who arrived for the non-meeting visit on Sunday. Incidentally, when the C/O gave me the message, he had said to me that my “AA” friends were here on Sunday. I didn’t muster up the courage to correct him and just said, “Thank you.” It was great speaking with my brother-in-law, and he wanted to talk to me about a paper he is working on for his graduate class. He needed to interview someone who has been in a marathon as he was connecting those who run in marathons to a subculture. The 15-minute allotment for the telephone call went by so fast, and I think he got through all of the questions he needed to ask. I didn’t have time to really talk with him, but the more I thought about it, I came out with a possibly better subculture, which was prison. This wouldn’t work for my brother-in-law because he had to keep his examples to sports. Anyhow, prison is complete with its own vernacular, rules, regulations, and other assorted items associated with cultures. I was very happy my brother-in-law thought of me, and the conversation did make me feel good.
Last night, I made another telephone call to a friend I used to work with and also knew from the gym. My wife was kind enough to telephone him last week, and he told me to call him when I could. This was another great conversation, and he filled me in on all comings and goings of my previous employer. The 15 minutes also flew by, and he had so much more to say. He told me that he is not a writer so if I could call him every few weeks or so. I remember right before my sentencing that the two of us went out to lunch, and he was wondering if we will see each other again. Now, I know we will see each other again. He works every weekend, so visiting me is very difficult, but he is a great friend, and we will stay in touch. He also gave my wife many compliments, and since he hasn’t met her, he is looking forward to meeting her someday. My wife is truly amazing, and I love her dearly. She continues to handle this situation with such grace and dignity. She has been my rock in a very unsettled climate, and my love for her grows each and every day.
Today, my crew finally received the lay-in we thought we would receive last week. There are only two crews remaining in camp, and there are only two fire captains remaining to cover these two crews. One crew did go out, but my crew was laid in because the administrative captain is covering us. We are available to respond to a fire, but this captain has to remain in camp, so we got the day off. Having the day off was very nice, and if this is an indication of what it is like to work in camp, I do like the prospects. I started my day the same way I do everyday. I completed the Wednesday morning run, and today was more taxing than usual. I believe it has to do with the higher-than-normal humidity as I worked up quite a sweat.
Upon learning we received a lay-in, I sought out the C/O who is responsible for the hiring/transferring of in-camp positions. He was busy with other matters, and I was happy to have the chance to speak with him later in the afternoon. After this, I returned to my room and read most of the morning. I am amazed as to how fast the morning progressed. I don’t know what it is, but the mornings spent in camp seem to go much faster than the mornings spent on the grade (outside of camp). I would think the reverse would be true because getting outside of camp seems like a great way to break up the day; however, the 3-1/2 hours this morning flew by, and I only read. I can see myself incorporating a routine where I can get all my work done (assuming I get the bathroom porter position) in the morning. Subsequently, this would give me the entire afternoon to do “me matters.” I believe this is the big difference between working on the grade and working in camp. While working on the grade, I am at the hands of others, and this is not my time. Whereas, being in camp all of the time is my time, and as long as I am doing my job, everything is great. This allows me to do other things which make the day go by even faster. Of course, I am always in the control of others, and I have not received the bathroom porter position. Timing helps a great deal in life, and the job change form requires the signature of my captain. My captain does not return from vacation until next Tuesday, and a whole host of things can happen by next Tuesday. I am of the mindset that if it is meant to be, it is meant to be. I will do my part, and everything will work out the way it is intended to be.
I do like being in camp and more “me time.” That may sound strange in this environment, but it is so very true. I have 6-1/2 months remaining, and I will make the best use of this time. Each day I continue to improve as a person. I will take this program with me when I am released because I feel so much better. In fact, I feel the best I have felt in years. Yes, it took prison for me to finally learn about myself, and I am so grateful for the opportunity. There are some members in GA who state they are “grateful compulsive gamblers.” My first year in GA I really didn’t understand this statement, but now I completely agree with them. I, too, am a grateful compulsive gambler along with a grateful inmate. My life continues to be saved by a plethora of resources, and I love this life so very much. Lastly, a very big Happy Birthday to my brother-in-law! Wow, 44. Where does the time go?
Last night, I made another telephone call to a friend I used to work with and also knew from the gym. My wife was kind enough to telephone him last week, and he told me to call him when I could. This was another great conversation, and he filled me in on all comings and goings of my previous employer. The 15 minutes also flew by, and he had so much more to say. He told me that he is not a writer so if I could call him every few weeks or so. I remember right before my sentencing that the two of us went out to lunch, and he was wondering if we will see each other again. Now, I know we will see each other again. He works every weekend, so visiting me is very difficult, but he is a great friend, and we will stay in touch. He also gave my wife many compliments, and since he hasn’t met her, he is looking forward to meeting her someday. My wife is truly amazing, and I love her dearly. She continues to handle this situation with such grace and dignity. She has been my rock in a very unsettled climate, and my love for her grows each and every day.
Today, my crew finally received the lay-in we thought we would receive last week. There are only two crews remaining in camp, and there are only two fire captains remaining to cover these two crews. One crew did go out, but my crew was laid in because the administrative captain is covering us. We are available to respond to a fire, but this captain has to remain in camp, so we got the day off. Having the day off was very nice, and if this is an indication of what it is like to work in camp, I do like the prospects. I started my day the same way I do everyday. I completed the Wednesday morning run, and today was more taxing than usual. I believe it has to do with the higher-than-normal humidity as I worked up quite a sweat.
Upon learning we received a lay-in, I sought out the C/O who is responsible for the hiring/transferring of in-camp positions. He was busy with other matters, and I was happy to have the chance to speak with him later in the afternoon. After this, I returned to my room and read most of the morning. I am amazed as to how fast the morning progressed. I don’t know what it is, but the mornings spent in camp seem to go much faster than the mornings spent on the grade (outside of camp). I would think the reverse would be true because getting outside of camp seems like a great way to break up the day; however, the 3-1/2 hours this morning flew by, and I only read. I can see myself incorporating a routine where I can get all my work done (assuming I get the bathroom porter position) in the morning. Subsequently, this would give me the entire afternoon to do “me matters.” I believe this is the big difference between working on the grade and working in camp. While working on the grade, I am at the hands of others, and this is not my time. Whereas, being in camp all of the time is my time, and as long as I am doing my job, everything is great. This allows me to do other things which make the day go by even faster. Of course, I am always in the control of others, and I have not received the bathroom porter position. Timing helps a great deal in life, and the job change form requires the signature of my captain. My captain does not return from vacation until next Tuesday, and a whole host of things can happen by next Tuesday. I am of the mindset that if it is meant to be, it is meant to be. I will do my part, and everything will work out the way it is intended to be.
I do like being in camp and more “me time.” That may sound strange in this environment, but it is so very true. I have 6-1/2 months remaining, and I will make the best use of this time. Each day I continue to improve as a person. I will take this program with me when I am released because I feel so much better. In fact, I feel the best I have felt in years. Yes, it took prison for me to finally learn about myself, and I am so grateful for the opportunity. There are some members in GA who state they are “grateful compulsive gamblers.” My first year in GA I really didn’t understand this statement, but now I completely agree with them. I, too, am a grateful compulsive gambler along with a grateful inmate. My life continues to be saved by a plethora of resources, and I love this life so very much. Lastly, a very big Happy Birthday to my brother-in-law! Wow, 44. Where does the time go?
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
It's A Small World
It seems my reading materials are either feast or famine. I have gone stretches with only one book to read, while I have gone other stretches with a multitude of reading options. Currently, I have the multitude of options available. I have been put into the rotation the USA Today newspapers along with the rotation of Men’s Health Magazine. Add these to the current book (Harry Potter) I am reading, and I have so many options available. This is very positive, and I spent the latter part of last night reading the USA Today newspapers before retiring to sleep.
Waking up this morning, it was once again my usual routine. The weather was anything but usual with warm, humid temperatures accompanied by a very warm wind. This was, indeed, unusual, but I still got through my burpee/pushup exercise. I did get my usual good sweat going, and it was a great way to start my day. Along these lines, I was asked why I do 90-plus minutes of burpees along with 90-plus minutes of running on the other days. My answer is quite simple because these exercises put me in the right frame of mind each day. Could only 45 minutes of exercising provide me with this? Maybe, but I do feel compelled to do the 90-plus-minute routine. I know I am obsessive about my exercising, and I also know I need to seek more balance in my life. The exercising I do also helps me to pass the time quickly, and in this environment, this is essential. When I rejoin my family in 6-1/2 months, my intention is to seek the balance I lost. I will continue to exercise; however, this will be in conjunction with a balanced life. At the present time, my balance is certainly out of whack, but I am making strides every day.
The rest of the morning was very routine, and there was talk of my crew going on a hike this morning. While we were on the fire this past Sunday, another fire captain evaluated our crew. The consensus was that my crew needed work with conditioning, so our replacement captain was going to take us on a hike this morning. Hiking is my favorite part of being an inmate /firefighter, and I get enthused when I am told the crew will be hiking. This morning, that enthusiasm was tempered when our hike got cut short. We had to be at our project at a certain time, and a long hike would have delayed us. Instead of a long hike, the crew raced up a hill which took all of five minutes. I was the third to arrive at the top as my specialty is distance. Since this was a very short hike, I barely broke a sweat in spite of the warmer-than-normal temperatures. I am always amazed as to how heavily some of my crew members breathe. I also breathe heavily when I first start up the hill, but the longer I go, the more relaxed my breathing becomes. Even the captain was breathing very heavily, and he continued this on the way down. I was hoping for a longer hike, but anything is good, and today was certainly good.
After the brief run up the hill we were on to the project for the day. We went to a property owned by the water district and were responsible for cleaning it up. According to the replacement captain, the camp is paid by the water district for the work we do. These projects seem to be priority, and today was no exception since it took precedence over the hike. Once again, I found myself with a weed trimmer in my hand, and I was cutting weeds around the property. I did this all morning, and with the very hot and humid temperatures, keeping my attitude was a challenge. Thankfully, I am able to go off into a “zone”, and I play a little game with myself as I am weed trimming. The game playing worked wonders as the morning passed quickly enough. Prior to lunch, I finished my entire weed trimming and was placed on picking-up-the-trash duty. Most of this entailed raking the unkempt property. Once again, I played a game with myself and kept moving.
Lunch was over, and the captain wanted to work on the crew’s stamina. Yesterday, he had two crew members simulate a fire line where they cut line for about an hour. This was due to the fact that the evaluation we had on Sunday stated that the crew needed conditioning. Another crew member and I were next in line for the extra conditioning. We also simulated a fire line and cut line for 45 minutes. When I was finished, I was talking with the captain who had asked me if I was tired. My response was, “no”. He responded, “You’re not tired? I am tired just watching you.” No, I wasn’t tired, but I was hot. I didn’t mind the simulated exercise as it added more to my day. I am in good condition, and my stamina is very good. I always do what I am told in this environment, and today was no exception. I am always looking for way to improve my conditioning, and this exercise was fun. I continue to speak with the captain, and the conversation turned towards my previous employer. I came to find out that I had met the captain’s ex-wife at my previous employer. She worked for the insurance carrier my previous employer used at the time I worked there. I remembered her coming in for a proposal, and I knew her bosses very well. It truly is a small world, and everything is connected. We talked for a while about his ex-wife and other related items. It really is amazing how everything is working out for the very best.
The day was done, and it was back to camp. When I arrived back at camp, I found a job change form on my bed. My friends had spoken to the C/O responsible for the hiring/transferring of the in-camp positions. They put in a good word for me, and now it is up to me to speak with this C/O and express my interest in the bathroom porter position. The question I have asked myself is do I want to clean the bathrooms for the next six months or stay as an inmate/firefighter? It really doesn’t matter which job I perform because I will make either job work very well for me. I can clean the bathrooms for the next six months, and I can remain an inmate/firefighter. The next question is which one is better for me? This seems to be a tossup, but right now I am leaning toward the bathroom porter because I would have more time to myself. Six months is a short time, and it will be over very quickly. Tomorrow, I intend to speak with the C/O and see what happens. I will keep everyone posted. One more thought; by transferring to the bathroom porter, my family and friends no longer have to worry about my whereabouts. I will always be available for visits, and I can get into a rhythm with the fabulous GA meeting/visits. This is certainly very positive.
Waking up this morning, it was once again my usual routine. The weather was anything but usual with warm, humid temperatures accompanied by a very warm wind. This was, indeed, unusual, but I still got through my burpee/pushup exercise. I did get my usual good sweat going, and it was a great way to start my day. Along these lines, I was asked why I do 90-plus minutes of burpees along with 90-plus minutes of running on the other days. My answer is quite simple because these exercises put me in the right frame of mind each day. Could only 45 minutes of exercising provide me with this? Maybe, but I do feel compelled to do the 90-plus-minute routine. I know I am obsessive about my exercising, and I also know I need to seek more balance in my life. The exercising I do also helps me to pass the time quickly, and in this environment, this is essential. When I rejoin my family in 6-1/2 months, my intention is to seek the balance I lost. I will continue to exercise; however, this will be in conjunction with a balanced life. At the present time, my balance is certainly out of whack, but I am making strides every day.
The rest of the morning was very routine, and there was talk of my crew going on a hike this morning. While we were on the fire this past Sunday, another fire captain evaluated our crew. The consensus was that my crew needed work with conditioning, so our replacement captain was going to take us on a hike this morning. Hiking is my favorite part of being an inmate /firefighter, and I get enthused when I am told the crew will be hiking. This morning, that enthusiasm was tempered when our hike got cut short. We had to be at our project at a certain time, and a long hike would have delayed us. Instead of a long hike, the crew raced up a hill which took all of five minutes. I was the third to arrive at the top as my specialty is distance. Since this was a very short hike, I barely broke a sweat in spite of the warmer-than-normal temperatures. I am always amazed as to how heavily some of my crew members breathe. I also breathe heavily when I first start up the hill, but the longer I go, the more relaxed my breathing becomes. Even the captain was breathing very heavily, and he continued this on the way down. I was hoping for a longer hike, but anything is good, and today was certainly good.
After the brief run up the hill we were on to the project for the day. We went to a property owned by the water district and were responsible for cleaning it up. According to the replacement captain, the camp is paid by the water district for the work we do. These projects seem to be priority, and today was no exception since it took precedence over the hike. Once again, I found myself with a weed trimmer in my hand, and I was cutting weeds around the property. I did this all morning, and with the very hot and humid temperatures, keeping my attitude was a challenge. Thankfully, I am able to go off into a “zone”, and I play a little game with myself as I am weed trimming. The game playing worked wonders as the morning passed quickly enough. Prior to lunch, I finished my entire weed trimming and was placed on picking-up-the-trash duty. Most of this entailed raking the unkempt property. Once again, I played a game with myself and kept moving.
Lunch was over, and the captain wanted to work on the crew’s stamina. Yesterday, he had two crew members simulate a fire line where they cut line for about an hour. This was due to the fact that the evaluation we had on Sunday stated that the crew needed conditioning. Another crew member and I were next in line for the extra conditioning. We also simulated a fire line and cut line for 45 minutes. When I was finished, I was talking with the captain who had asked me if I was tired. My response was, “no”. He responded, “You’re not tired? I am tired just watching you.” No, I wasn’t tired, but I was hot. I didn’t mind the simulated exercise as it added more to my day. I am in good condition, and my stamina is very good. I always do what I am told in this environment, and today was no exception. I am always looking for way to improve my conditioning, and this exercise was fun. I continue to speak with the captain, and the conversation turned towards my previous employer. I came to find out that I had met the captain’s ex-wife at my previous employer. She worked for the insurance carrier my previous employer used at the time I worked there. I remembered her coming in for a proposal, and I knew her bosses very well. It truly is a small world, and everything is connected. We talked for a while about his ex-wife and other related items. It really is amazing how everything is working out for the very best.
The day was done, and it was back to camp. When I arrived back at camp, I found a job change form on my bed. My friends had spoken to the C/O responsible for the hiring/transferring of the in-camp positions. They put in a good word for me, and now it is up to me to speak with this C/O and express my interest in the bathroom porter position. The question I have asked myself is do I want to clean the bathrooms for the next six months or stay as an inmate/firefighter? It really doesn’t matter which job I perform because I will make either job work very well for me. I can clean the bathrooms for the next six months, and I can remain an inmate/firefighter. The next question is which one is better for me? This seems to be a tossup, but right now I am leaning toward the bathroom porter because I would have more time to myself. Six months is a short time, and it will be over very quickly. Tomorrow, I intend to speak with the C/O and see what happens. I will keep everyone posted. One more thought; by transferring to the bathroom porter, my family and friends no longer have to worry about my whereabouts. I will always be available for visits, and I can get into a rhythm with the fabulous GA meeting/visits. This is certainly very positive.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Thinking Out Loud
As it turns out, all of my visitors that were scheduled to arrive yesterday did, indeed, arrive only to find out I was gone on the fire. None of my visitors called ahead to check to see if I was still here because yesterday was the first time I was out on a fire, and subsequently, I missed the visits. My dear friends in GA did find themselves a local park and had the meeting anyway without me. This was very nice, and I hope they had a good meeting. The fact that they still held the meeting says so much for the commitment my friends have for the program. These are great people who help others (they help me everyday), and I am grateful they are in my life. My dear friends also arrived to find me out at the fire. They were disappointed (as I was), but the visit on Saturday did resonate with them as well.
Yesterday was an interesting day all around. I missed my visits but wasn’t too distraught because things happen completely out of my control. I do accept this, which makes like so much better. The work at the fire was also interesting because I am starting to notice a breakdown in my crew members. May of my crew members go home in less than four months, so the motivation is just not there. I completely understand this because at times I, too, struggle. I maintained a positive attitude all day yesterday, and this got me through a potentially depressing day. I was not depressed; however, as I was talking with my friends later in the evening, I started to think out loud, wondering if it would be better for me if I took an in-camp job. At this point, I have roughly 6-1/2 months until my release date, and ideally, I would like to stay in the crew at least another 2-1/2 months, which completes fire season. By the way, an in-camp job means I would no longer be on a fire crew, nor would I go on any fires. The in-camp positions are of a precious commodity and consist of working in the kitchen, working as a porter, and other assorted special skills. Since I don’t have any special skills, my options are limited to the kitchen or working as a porter. Unfortunately in the environment, I cannot pick and choose when I come in-camp. Since these positions are few and far between, I must take what I can get. The position of porter is coming up in early September along with another porter position in late September. If I had my choice, I would wait until late September; however, once again, it is not my choice. I know the two people in these positions very well, and one of them took my interest in the position very seriously. He is going to see if he can assist me in getting one of these options.
I do enjoy going out of camp on a daily basis. I equally enjoy all of my crew members. I am having a good time with the manual labor. I do like the fire captains. Since I have all of these things going for me, why would I want to take an in-camp position? This is a very good question, and I believe it all goes towards having some control of my destiny. I never know when a fire call will occur, nor do I know where and what I would be doing at the fire. I am at the mercy of so many others, and I do accept this to a point. With an in-camp position, I have much more control of my destiny and much more control over my time. There are many things I want to work on in the next 6-1/2 months prior to my release. When I am summoned to a two- to three-week fire, there is a great deal of wasted time waiting around. Having an in-camp position, I would free up so much more of my time, and I know my time would go even faster. This may not sound correct, but I hasten back to Jamestown where I worked as a PFT instructor and had more free time than I do here. Oddly, those 7 months flew by, and I suspect the next 6-1/2 months will fly by as well. Being in camp will accelerate that time even more. Also, I will have more time to write and exercise. I have become quite fond of these two activities, and I can see my routine being even better.
All in all, I have not pressed the issue about coming in-camp to anyone but my friends. I do believe they will assist me, but that does not guarantee me a position in-camp. Right now, I am strongly leaning toward coming in camp, but if it doesn’t happen, oh well; and if it does happen, great. As long as I maintain a positive attitude everyday, I know I can do any job, and the time will pass soon enough. I am so grateful for all these learning experiences. My life as an inmate is not exactly my own. There are so many events outside of my control, and I am mustering the courage to change the things I can. The only downside to coming in camp will be the blogs which will get even more boring. After all, how exciting is it to clean bathrooms on a daily basis? Maybe I will start writing that book everyone tells me I should write.
This morning, I felt great during my early morning run. I can’t put my finger on why, but I enjoyed all 100 minutes of the run. The temperature outside got considerably warmer from the very unseasonable temperatures of last week. The forecast called for temperatures in the 100’s today, and I guess we have reached the dog days of summer. I was having a good time during my run, and I swear this is the fastest part of my day. (I imagine if I could do this twice a day if I came in camp, my day would be twice as fast). It did feel more like a Tuesday than a Monday since I went on the fire yesterday. We don’t get a day off because we worked yesterday. Our schedule is Monday through Friday and any fire calls. I did not mind getting up this morning, and as usual, my Monday morning run invigorated me.
Breakfast was over, and now the guys who work the food service line are giving me more food. I was offered a second bowl of oatmeal, which is usually a no-no, but the very nice inmate implored me to take a second one. Maybe, everyone is taking it upon themselves to put weight on me. I do think it is working because I am eating so much more than I ever have.
Quite possibly, my “Jewish Grandmother’s” intention is rubbing off on others! This is okay by me, and I am certainly well-nourished.
Work call arrived, and it was back to the mountain community where we were on Friday, and most of this month, the work is the same each time we go up there. My goal all throughout the day is to keep moving, and I did accomplish this today. During lunch, the other crew we were with received a fire call and departed for Fresno. They teamed up with yet another crew, which left only my crew and one other crew. The camp is quite deserted with four crews out on fires. This is considered the heart of fire season, and I am seeing its effects first hand. As soon as the other crew departed, everyone on my crew started predicting we would be going on the fire in Santa Barbara by the end of this week. This very well may be true because the two crews there are only allowed a 14-day stay, and this ends on Friday, the 17th. We could be going up to replace them, and we could stay for 14 days as well. Of course, this is only rumor, not fact, but it doesn’t stop anyone from talking about it. I wouldn’t mind going for the 14 days because I missed the first trip to Santa Barbara last week, and I here it is very beautiful this time of year. I know there is nothing I can do to control whether or not I go to this fire, which is why I love living one day at a time. If fate has me going this week, so be it, and if not, so be it. I will continue to enjoy each and every day no matter where I am. My life continues to get better with each passing day, and today was yet again a great day.
Yesterday was an interesting day all around. I missed my visits but wasn’t too distraught because things happen completely out of my control. I do accept this, which makes like so much better. The work at the fire was also interesting because I am starting to notice a breakdown in my crew members. May of my crew members go home in less than four months, so the motivation is just not there. I completely understand this because at times I, too, struggle. I maintained a positive attitude all day yesterday, and this got me through a potentially depressing day. I was not depressed; however, as I was talking with my friends later in the evening, I started to think out loud, wondering if it would be better for me if I took an in-camp job. At this point, I have roughly 6-1/2 months until my release date, and ideally, I would like to stay in the crew at least another 2-1/2 months, which completes fire season. By the way, an in-camp job means I would no longer be on a fire crew, nor would I go on any fires. The in-camp positions are of a precious commodity and consist of working in the kitchen, working as a porter, and other assorted special skills. Since I don’t have any special skills, my options are limited to the kitchen or working as a porter. Unfortunately in the environment, I cannot pick and choose when I come in-camp. Since these positions are few and far between, I must take what I can get. The position of porter is coming up in early September along with another porter position in late September. If I had my choice, I would wait until late September; however, once again, it is not my choice. I know the two people in these positions very well, and one of them took my interest in the position very seriously. He is going to see if he can assist me in getting one of these options.
I do enjoy going out of camp on a daily basis. I equally enjoy all of my crew members. I am having a good time with the manual labor. I do like the fire captains. Since I have all of these things going for me, why would I want to take an in-camp position? This is a very good question, and I believe it all goes towards having some control of my destiny. I never know when a fire call will occur, nor do I know where and what I would be doing at the fire. I am at the mercy of so many others, and I do accept this to a point. With an in-camp position, I have much more control of my destiny and much more control over my time. There are many things I want to work on in the next 6-1/2 months prior to my release. When I am summoned to a two- to three-week fire, there is a great deal of wasted time waiting around. Having an in-camp position, I would free up so much more of my time, and I know my time would go even faster. This may not sound correct, but I hasten back to Jamestown where I worked as a PFT instructor and had more free time than I do here. Oddly, those 7 months flew by, and I suspect the next 6-1/2 months will fly by as well. Being in camp will accelerate that time even more. Also, I will have more time to write and exercise. I have become quite fond of these two activities, and I can see my routine being even better.
All in all, I have not pressed the issue about coming in-camp to anyone but my friends. I do believe they will assist me, but that does not guarantee me a position in-camp. Right now, I am strongly leaning toward coming in camp, but if it doesn’t happen, oh well; and if it does happen, great. As long as I maintain a positive attitude everyday, I know I can do any job, and the time will pass soon enough. I am so grateful for all these learning experiences. My life as an inmate is not exactly my own. There are so many events outside of my control, and I am mustering the courage to change the things I can. The only downside to coming in camp will be the blogs which will get even more boring. After all, how exciting is it to clean bathrooms on a daily basis? Maybe I will start writing that book everyone tells me I should write.
This morning, I felt great during my early morning run. I can’t put my finger on why, but I enjoyed all 100 minutes of the run. The temperature outside got considerably warmer from the very unseasonable temperatures of last week. The forecast called for temperatures in the 100’s today, and I guess we have reached the dog days of summer. I was having a good time during my run, and I swear this is the fastest part of my day. (I imagine if I could do this twice a day if I came in camp, my day would be twice as fast). It did feel more like a Tuesday than a Monday since I went on the fire yesterday. We don’t get a day off because we worked yesterday. Our schedule is Monday through Friday and any fire calls. I did not mind getting up this morning, and as usual, my Monday morning run invigorated me.
Breakfast was over, and now the guys who work the food service line are giving me more food. I was offered a second bowl of oatmeal, which is usually a no-no, but the very nice inmate implored me to take a second one. Maybe, everyone is taking it upon themselves to put weight on me. I do think it is working because I am eating so much more than I ever have.
Quite possibly, my “Jewish Grandmother’s” intention is rubbing off on others! This is okay by me, and I am certainly well-nourished.
Work call arrived, and it was back to the mountain community where we were on Friday, and most of this month, the work is the same each time we go up there. My goal all throughout the day is to keep moving, and I did accomplish this today. During lunch, the other crew we were with received a fire call and departed for Fresno. They teamed up with yet another crew, which left only my crew and one other crew. The camp is quite deserted with four crews out on fires. This is considered the heart of fire season, and I am seeing its effects first hand. As soon as the other crew departed, everyone on my crew started predicting we would be going on the fire in Santa Barbara by the end of this week. This very well may be true because the two crews there are only allowed a 14-day stay, and this ends on Friday, the 17th. We could be going up to replace them, and we could stay for 14 days as well. Of course, this is only rumor, not fact, but it doesn’t stop anyone from talking about it. I wouldn’t mind going for the 14 days because I missed the first trip to Santa Barbara last week, and I here it is very beautiful this time of year. I know there is nothing I can do to control whether or not I go to this fire, which is why I love living one day at a time. If fate has me going this week, so be it, and if not, so be it. I will continue to enjoy each and every day no matter where I am. My life continues to get better with each passing day, and today was yet again a great day.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Perfect Example
Yesterday afternoon after my wonderful visit I had the opportunity to telephone my wife at her brother’s house. I was able to talk with my daughter who was very bubbly and basking in the afterglow of her Jamaica trip this past week. She had a great time and is truly enjoying a fantastic summer. I had a very good conversation with my wife and she informed me that she is planning to come back out here in October. She is trying to pinpoint the date but this was excellent news. Our 15th wedding anniversary is October 10th. I’m not sure if she will be out here on this date but anytime in October or November would be great by me. My mother and sister are coming next month and now I have my wife coming back the following month. I have so many great things to look forward to which will help me to pass the time even quicker. Yes, March 2nd of next year will be here very soon. I didn’t speak with my son because he went to a pre-season NY Giants Football game with my brother-in-law. My son is becoming quite the sports fan and he is getting some fabulous opportunities to attend live sporting events, thanks to our incredible family.
The rest of the day was uneventful as I spent the evening outside talking. I fell asleep about 10:00 pm thinking about my big visiting day today. Sometimes even the best laid plans go astray. At 4:15 am the CO came through the dorm and woke up everyone by saying “Fire call.” As soon as I heard this, I knew my visits today would not happen. Thankfully, I was able to spend a glorious day yesterday with my two friends. Seeing them today would have been wonderful, but it was just not meant to be. I was hoping they would call the camp before they departed their hotel this morning so they wouldn’t have to drive all the way here for nothing. Unfortunately, I had no way to contact them nor did I have anyway to contact my friends in GA. This would be the first time the GA meeting/visit didn’t take place because I was out on a fire. I hope I didn’t disturb any of my friends’ plans by having them drive out here and not have the meeting. I look forward to these meetings and I am so grateful for everything everyone has done for me. The last thing I want is to be an inconvenience to my friends so hopefully they called before coming out.
This is a perfect example of living one day at a time because I have no way of knowing what tomorrow might bring. Yesterday was an excellent day with my extraordinary friends and I enjoyed every second of it. Of course, I looked forward to their return today but this didn’t happen. I am disappointed but not devastated – this is just one of those things. I am equally disappointed about the GA meeting but again not devastated. I love all the visits I receive and I have been blessed with incredible friends.
Instead of having these visits, I was off to fight a brush fire in Thermal, Ca which is just south of Palm Springs. This is a very hot area in terms of temperature. There wasn’t any waiting around this morning as we were on the fire bus 15 minutes after being awakened. The ride took 90 minutes and when we pulled up the fire looked like all the other fires I had been on previously. It ran its course by the time we got there covering 4 acres. The fire did threaten a few houses but there were natural fire breaks separating the houses from the fire. Thankfully, there wasn’t any wind and the fire put itself out. Even though it was out we always seem to have work cutting a fire line around the burn area. Since there were fire breaks the fire line did not have to very big. The area was flat and there wasn’t any hiking. The hard part was getting to the mineral soil through the 3 feet of mulch. The temperature was climbing steadily and as the sun rose higher in the sky everyone on the crew was feeling the effects. One of my crew members actually got sick and started throwing up about 15 minutes into our work session. This work is very hard and extremely labor intense. A few other guys had to take many breaks so they could stand up without falling down. I did my part and once again helped with the retrieval of the fire hose. The professional firefighters had been on since 3:00 am and the ground was extremely muddy. I was full of mud because as I walked I would sink deeper and deeper. I cannot remember when I was this muddy. I did my best to maintain a positive attitude. Thank goodness there wasn’t anymore work or we might have lost the entire crew. This was a very run of the mill brush fire on a flat parcel of land but it seemed much more difficult than the hilly, rocky, steep mountain wildfires.
We finished up everything before noon and headed back to camp. On our drive back, one of the fire captains noticed an overturned car off the side of the highway. He pulled over and our Captain followed suit. Sure enough, a car had veered off the side of the road and laid in a ditch upside down. There were 4 people in the car; 3 adults, and 1 child. Miraculously, everyone was in good shape. Some of my crew members assisted with the rescue. Since I sit in the back of the bus, I wasn’t included in the rescue because only 4 crew members were needed. In the realm of there are no coincidences in life these people in the car were extremely fortunate because the fire Captain noticed them in the ditch very soon after they overturned. Each of them had a few bumps and scratches. The child who appeared to be around 2 years old was in the best shape of anyone. I was amazed as to how quickly the paramedics and the firefighters responded. This was a very happy ending to a potentially dangerous occurrence.
Today did not go anywhere near how I planned it to go. However, it was a good day anyway. I love the visits on Sunday, but today it just wasn’t meant to be. Sometimes (actually quite often) life throws these curveballs and it is up to me how I react. In life it is much better to be proactive as opposed to reactive. Try as I may, I am not in control of many of the events in my life right now and today was an example. I could have sulked and been depressed to not have these visits but I chose to face the day with a positive attitude. This makes a world of difference and my life is better because of it. I do apologize to everyone for not being here and thank you once again for everything everyone has done for me!
The rest of the day was uneventful as I spent the evening outside talking. I fell asleep about 10:00 pm thinking about my big visiting day today. Sometimes even the best laid plans go astray. At 4:15 am the CO came through the dorm and woke up everyone by saying “Fire call.” As soon as I heard this, I knew my visits today would not happen. Thankfully, I was able to spend a glorious day yesterday with my two friends. Seeing them today would have been wonderful, but it was just not meant to be. I was hoping they would call the camp before they departed their hotel this morning so they wouldn’t have to drive all the way here for nothing. Unfortunately, I had no way to contact them nor did I have anyway to contact my friends in GA. This would be the first time the GA meeting/visit didn’t take place because I was out on a fire. I hope I didn’t disturb any of my friends’ plans by having them drive out here and not have the meeting. I look forward to these meetings and I am so grateful for everything everyone has done for me. The last thing I want is to be an inconvenience to my friends so hopefully they called before coming out.
This is a perfect example of living one day at a time because I have no way of knowing what tomorrow might bring. Yesterday was an excellent day with my extraordinary friends and I enjoyed every second of it. Of course, I looked forward to their return today but this didn’t happen. I am disappointed but not devastated – this is just one of those things. I am equally disappointed about the GA meeting but again not devastated. I love all the visits I receive and I have been blessed with incredible friends.
Instead of having these visits, I was off to fight a brush fire in Thermal, Ca which is just south of Palm Springs. This is a very hot area in terms of temperature. There wasn’t any waiting around this morning as we were on the fire bus 15 minutes after being awakened. The ride took 90 minutes and when we pulled up the fire looked like all the other fires I had been on previously. It ran its course by the time we got there covering 4 acres. The fire did threaten a few houses but there were natural fire breaks separating the houses from the fire. Thankfully, there wasn’t any wind and the fire put itself out. Even though it was out we always seem to have work cutting a fire line around the burn area. Since there were fire breaks the fire line did not have to very big. The area was flat and there wasn’t any hiking. The hard part was getting to the mineral soil through the 3 feet of mulch. The temperature was climbing steadily and as the sun rose higher in the sky everyone on the crew was feeling the effects. One of my crew members actually got sick and started throwing up about 15 minutes into our work session. This work is very hard and extremely labor intense. A few other guys had to take many breaks so they could stand up without falling down. I did my part and once again helped with the retrieval of the fire hose. The professional firefighters had been on since 3:00 am and the ground was extremely muddy. I was full of mud because as I walked I would sink deeper and deeper. I cannot remember when I was this muddy. I did my best to maintain a positive attitude. Thank goodness there wasn’t anymore work or we might have lost the entire crew. This was a very run of the mill brush fire on a flat parcel of land but it seemed much more difficult than the hilly, rocky, steep mountain wildfires.
We finished up everything before noon and headed back to camp. On our drive back, one of the fire captains noticed an overturned car off the side of the highway. He pulled over and our Captain followed suit. Sure enough, a car had veered off the side of the road and laid in a ditch upside down. There were 4 people in the car; 3 adults, and 1 child. Miraculously, everyone was in good shape. Some of my crew members assisted with the rescue. Since I sit in the back of the bus, I wasn’t included in the rescue because only 4 crew members were needed. In the realm of there are no coincidences in life these people in the car were extremely fortunate because the fire Captain noticed them in the ditch very soon after they overturned. Each of them had a few bumps and scratches. The child who appeared to be around 2 years old was in the best shape of anyone. I was amazed as to how quickly the paramedics and the firefighters responded. This was a very happy ending to a potentially dangerous occurrence.
Today did not go anywhere near how I planned it to go. However, it was a good day anyway. I love the visits on Sunday, but today it just wasn’t meant to be. Sometimes (actually quite often) life throws these curveballs and it is up to me how I react. In life it is much better to be proactive as opposed to reactive. Try as I may, I am not in control of many of the events in my life right now and today was an example. I could have sulked and been depressed to not have these visits but I chose to face the day with a positive attitude. This makes a world of difference and my life is better because of it. I do apologize to everyone for not being here and thank you once again for everything everyone has done for me!
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