More "Angry" Dad

Today is the “official” end of the work week and I wouldn’t be completely truthful if I didn’t say I was looking forward to Friday. I am very ready for Friday and this week has gone by so quickly like one of those proverbial “blinks of an eye”. This new routine does add to the quickness of the week and much like all the other jobs I have had in my career there is rhythm of the week. The week builds slowly and hits its crescendo on Thursday while Friday is sort of anticlimactic. Yes, the week hit that crescendo yesterday and today was one of those days where the week needed to end. Before all the “fun” transpired I was in the gym very early and I felt great having taken yesterday off. I wish I would know when I would feel great while running as well as knowing when I don’t feel great. Today was one of those days where I felt great and could have run forever.

I like days like today where running is effortless and even though it was only a 7 mile run I did feel good. The positive side for me is the fact that in spite of feeling good I stayed with my training program only running the 7 miles. I have my sights set on another marathon and that next marathon is all predicated on my children’s softball and baseball schedules. Life is truly wonderful when I want to schedule around my children’s activities. This is a great change in my life all thanks to recovery. I used to think about myself first but thankfully those days are in the past and having my family with me means everything. Yes, all is coming together quite nicely and if I ever complain about anything I need to be reprimanded!!!

The day went along and I was hoping to care of some personal matters during the day but I didn’t quite get to those personal matters. These will have to wait until next week because I was tending to work matters. It seems in the past there was more time in the day I know that is not the case which is why I need to be more efficient. I have always been into efficiency but that really has been only in “theory”. My practice of this hasn’t been so good and it is something I certainly need to work on. There are distractions everyday and having those goals I set for myself each day does help. I need to stay consistent with this approach and will continue one day at a time.

The day was over and so was the work week. I arrived home and had a very funny conversation with my son. We were talking about one of his friends and the prospect of my son going over to this friend’s house. My son asked me (I’m not quite sure where the question came from) if this friend’s father was “angry” like me. I thought that was a peculiar and funny question. I never thought of myself as an “angry” but apparently my son does! I thought about it awhile and realized I do have a stern side that can be misconstrued as angry especially to an 8 year old.

We then talked about my angry and how my son and my daughter are “afraid” of me. I don’t want this to come across wrong because when they say they are “afraid” of me I believe they aren’t really afraid in the sense of being scared of me rather they are afraid to hear my “scary” voice. I have always used voice inflection with my children and it usually gets my point across. I really don’t mind the fact that they are “afraid” of me because the fact that they are saying this to me means something. I am fairly certain I got this from both of my parents who do have those stern moments over my childhood. My mother was a schoolteacher for over 34 years and I remember visiting her classroom and witnessing these stern moments often. My father never yelled but when he was upset it was very clear. I have taken the best of both of them and hopefully it is working with my children.

I did think it was very funny to have this conversation with my son and a few minutes with my daughter. She agreed with her brother’s assessment of me and I guess when they stop being afraid of me is when the problems will start. I do hope to keep the lines of communication open with both my children and as they get older (my goodness my daughter is now 11 years old) I know this will become increasingly difficult. They are very good children and it is a pleasure watching them grow and I love those “interesting” conversations. I am blessed and I love them so very much!