Tale of the Dog

Where do the weeks go??? My oh my another week in the books and time is certainly passing so very quickly. Yes, this past week was more of the same but that “more of the same” is music to my ears. I was wondering if I would ever receive “official” confirmation of me being released from my parole commitment and yes, I did finally receive the word. I received word on April fool’s Day (no less!) but this wasn’t a joke as the “quasi-official” paperwork was sent to me later in the day. (I am supposed to receive some type of more official notification in three months but in the meantime I do have documentation that states my commitment has been fulfilled.) It is interesting because I have been looking forward to this day for a long time and when I received the “official” word from the powers that be it was more anticlimactic than anything else.

I continue to learn so very much in my recovery and I believe one of those lessons of continuing to take life “one day at time” rang true when I received the official word. I am very relieved my commitment has been fulfilled; however; if I have learned anything in recovery the fact that I am no longer required to do the “right thing” should make no difference at all. I will continue to do the right things because this is how I must live my life. If I don’t do the right things the wrong things will happen and having gone down that road I have no desire to revisit those horrible consequences. Sure this is a part of me that still kicks myself for doing what I did but I do believe that is a positive because I don’t dwell in those thoughts. Those thoughts are a reminder of what has happened and I don’t want to forget those reminders as I did the first two times I inadequately dealt with my compulsive gambling addiction.

My favorite phrase in Gamblers Anonymous is written in the Seventh Step; “Compulsive gambling is a LEARNED INADEQUATE RESPONSE TO LIFE”. There is no doubt in my mind what I did to propagate my compulsive gambling behavior was most definitely a LEARNED INADEQUATE RESPONSE TO LIFE. Now in recovery I am learning an adequate response to life which goes back to doing the right things even when no one is watching. This is a true testament of a person’s character and I have been given a second chance to display these characteristics. I am in a position at my job where I must display these characteristics or else I will go back to square one. I have an incredible life with an incredible family along with amazing friends. I would not trade this journey for anything and yes, I continue to learn so very much on this journey; life is wonderful!!!

There were the usual softball and baseball games this week. My son’s team won one game and lost the other. My daughter’s softball team continued their losing ways and this is wearing very thin on my daughter. She is doing her best but the play of the other girls on her team is affecting my daughter in a negative way. I can only offer her encouraging words and when she says she wants to quit I inform her that if she quits she has no chance of playing on the All Star team when the season ends. There is a good possibly that my daughter may make the All Star team for her age group because she is one of the better players in the league but if her attitude continues and her play continues to deteriorate because of her attitude she will not have an opportunity to play on the All Star team.

There is another “kicker” to the All Star team and it is the commitment. Right now my daughter has two games per week with one practice which encompasses three days total during the week. The All Star team practices six days a week and their games cover three to four days starting on Memorial Day. I didn’t know about the All Stars when I booked our trips to New Jersey and if my daughter does make the team she will miss half of their tournaments because she will be in New Jersey. I don’t know if this will be a hinder to her making the team because after all it really isn’t fair to another girl who possibly has the same ability and can make all the tournaments. We shall see what happens as the try outs are the first week in May and yes, my daughter really wants to make the team.

My son continues to be very perplexing in his baseball hitting. He has the ability to hit the baseball but has a tendency to just stand there and watch the pitches go by. I have tried just about everything and now I am down to reverse psychology encouraging my son to just stand there and watch the pitches. This seemed to have the most affect on him as he actually swung at the pitches but got called out on a very questionable call by the umpire. In any event I received the team’s statistics from my son’s head coach and my son is the third leading hitter on his team hitting a cool .429. He does have the ability but his confidence is a bit shaky so when he saw the statistics his confidence seemed to rise and it is so interesting how different but similar my two children are. I have to basically discouraged my daughter since she is so intense (which does remind me of myself when I was her age) whereas my son needs encouragement since his intensity level is a little low. I must say that my son does have a great deal of heart and is really enjoying the catcher’s position. Whatever the case I love these days and afternoons at the ball fields so very much.

My wife and I had a “Date night” this past week while a very good friend took our children out for a very fun evening. My wife and I went to our favorite local restaurant and had a great dinner officially celebrating my newly gained freedom. The children and our friend went to dinner then to a movie and capped off the evening with some frozen yogurt. Yes, our friend did spoil them so very much but everyone appeared to have a great time. It is so fascinating how life works out because I haven’t known this very dear friend very long yet we share a very common bond and seeing their faces when they came home was well worth everything. Life is a strange and fascinating journey through and through and these incredible twists and turns are wonderful in every way possible. I am not sure if our dear friend had a better time than our children on their very fun night out but whatever the case there is a bond building and this bond will hopefully build for a lifetime.

I have mentioned before that our children have been lobbying for a dog over the past few months. My wife subscribes to something called “Freecycle” which is an email list that local people utilize to give away many different things for free. Occasionally there will be pets and over the weekend a family was giving away a 5 year old female beagle. I saw the email and asked my wife if she would be interested since she really isn’t a dog person. After receiving some photographs of the very cute dog and a description that basically read the dog is very sweet and loving my wife had given her approval.

The children were very happy and tonight we were going to meet the dog. However; I made a mistake by not asking our landlords if we could actually have a dog in the house. I did call earlier today and the landlords weren’t very receptive to the idea of having a dog in the house no matter how big or small. The request to have a dog was denied and this meant I had to explain it to my children and my wife. My wife was even disappointed having warmed to the idea of actually having a dog which is a very big step. My son seemed to take it in stride like he does most things while my daughter who last night had her reservations about getting the dog as she pontificated whether or not our family was “ready” to have a dog; took the denial very hard. She cried and asked why we couldn’t have our own house where we could have a dog and she could paint her room any color she wanted.

These were great questions and all I could say is that we will have our own house some day. I couldn’t dwell on the fact that the fact that we don’t have our house; is my entire fault as it fell victim to my compulsive gambling addiction. I could only reassure her that we will have our own house and at the very least live in a place where we can have a dog and she can paint her room whatever color she wanted. This was heart wrenching because yes, it is my fault but I won’t beat myself up as the damage is done and I must live one day at a time. I really don’t know when I will be in a position to purchase a home because I still have debts I need to pay which I am working on albeit a bit slowly.

In any event I know everything will work out for the very best because it always does. I would have loved to have the dog but it just wasn’t meant to be at this point. Even something as seemingly insignificant as this does happen for a reason and I have an idea as to what that reason was. I will be handed these questions going forward such as the ones posed by my daughter and it is how I handle those questions that will determine if I am indeed living life one moment at a time. I do my best each moment and today was very difficult seeing the sadness on my daughter’s face. I was able to wipe away the tears and garner a smile on her beautiful face. I do have a great deal of work ahead of me but in recovery I know it won’t be “work” as much as it will be an fantastic experience as the incredible journey progresses.