Disappointment Noted

It has been a wonderful two weeks since I last sat down to write a blog. My Mom came out for a visit and I was able to see my sister and her family along with a very pleasant surprise. Last week my Mom came in from New Jersey and we met her in Disneyland. My younger sister had a scheduled vacation with her family in Disneyland and since it is so close it was a natural to go and see them. It was supposed to be a surprise for our children because we didn’t let them know Grandma was coming but that surprise wasn’t as good as it could have been. There was another surprise that I was not in on. As we were waiting for Grandma to make her entrance into my younger sister’s hotel room in walked my older sister. This was a surprise to me and at first it took a few seconds to register. I was indeed surprised; however; I did ask her if my niece joined her since we were short players for our softball game the following day, yes, it is always about softball!! No, my niece didn’t join her but it was great to see my sisters all in the same room.

It doesn’t happen often that all of us are in the same state let alone the same room. I live in California, my younger sister lives in Colorado and my older sister lives in New Jersey so getting us all together is a major accomplishment. My Mom has stressed the importance of staying close and in spite of our geographical differences we are very close. It was tenuous with my older sister due to all of my “issues”; however; as time has passed my older sister and I get along very nicely. We had a very good conversation as I took my sister back to the airport for her return trip home. I can’t say enough about my younger sister who has been a steadfast supporter from the beginning and I owe her so very much for all the tremendous support.

Everyone had a great time at Disneyland and we did the usual attractions frequenting California Adventure mostly. My son even stepped up and went on Californian Screaming which he passed on during our last visit to Disneyland back in January. (By the way the last time we were in Disneyland my Mom joined us as well!) He still wanted no part of Tower of Terror but based on his progression I surmise he will be joining my daughter and me on this ride during our next visit.

Yes, it was a great trip to Disneyland and it is always great to have my Mom here for a visit. This is her third time this year and fourth time since we all returned to California. Her visit went so quickly and was filled with baseball and softball games. Upon our return we made our way to the respective “diamonds” with my daughter and son both having games during my mother’s visit. My daughter’s game last Saturday was very interesting because we only had 8 players due to injuries, prior commitments and family trips. The girls played hard and my daughter pitched as much as she has ever pitched in her short career. She ran out of gas in the last inning and we were on the short side of the ledger but we returned against the same team the following Monday and were on the winning side of the ledger. This was very cool to see the girls bounce back and no matter what happens during the year end tournament I have had a blast coaching this team.

My son has turned a corner and just like most of his season he is coming into his own. He had some very good hits and is certainly hitting the baseball better than he has all season long. My mom got to witness all the games and the whirlwind of our days. The days consist of going to work and getting the kids to and from their various games and yes, those days fly by and so did my mother’s visit. It was hard to believe I was taking her to the airport for her return trip home. We had a very nice lunch on the way to the airport and my mom is such a special person I am blessed to have her in my life.

I had a few “trying” days at work earlier this week and I had to call on all my recovery powers. I did manage to lose my “cool” during a discussion which is very unlike my demeanor. Normally I just listen and let the “tough” moments blow over but I felt I needed to say something. In retrospect I should have kept my mouth shut and just took it so I will chalk it up to a learning experience. I am very fortunate to be in the position I am and very grateful to the people I work for and with. I need to acquiesce to their wishes no matter how I feel because it is their business and I need to respect their wishes. I have to get down to business and make those people happy because this in turn will make me happy and truth be told I don’t have many (if any!) other options. I do enjoy what I am doing and I do enjoy everyone in the office so I do need to suck it up!!!!

I did have some unfortunate news this past week and it has to do with this insidious addiction of compulsive gambling. I “quasi” sponsor a person in the Gamblers Anonymous Program and this is a person I met several months ago. I received a very strange text and subsequently had a very strange conversation. I just didn’t understand the conversation but it became clear a few hours after the conversation. I received a text and the information in the text made what had happened abundantly clear. This person had gone back out gambling and as our little yellow combo states the results weren’t so good.

I cannot and will not work anyone’s recovery other than my own. I am here and I will listen along with hopefully offer some very sound suggestions but I cannot control another person’s thoughts and actions. I was a bit disappointed but this was a wake-up call to me. No matter how well I think I am doing I need to keep the Gamblers Anonymous Program in my life by attending meetings and keeping in touch with those in the program. If I don’t the results are disastrous and I have no intention of walking those paths every again. However; the only way for me to continue my recovery is to work the program to the best of my ability. I owe everything I have to the Gamblers Anonymous Program because I not only have my life back this is a much better life than it has ever been. Wow; life does work in mysterious ways and I am very fortunate in every aspect of my life.

Attitude Revisited

Another week in the books and wow these days are roaring by!!! I remember a time not so long ago when I wanted the days to be “fast forwarded” now I want the days to be put on “pause”!! Lately the “fast forward” has been fully enforced and this isn’t necessarily a good thing but compared to those days when I wanted this button to be pushed this is a great thing!

The week has been filled with the usual of work, softball and I was even able to attend a Gamblers Anonymous meeting during the week. I wasn’t able to attend last Sunday evening as we were stuck in the Verizon store getting my wife a new cell phone as a replacement to a broken cell phone. This took much longer than either of us anticipated but fortunately there weren’t any softball games (only practices) during the week I was able to attend a Wednesday evening meeting.

I was very impressed with the size of the meeting and it appears our group has adjusted to the new meeting times and venue. There was an internal issue with the Wednesday meeting but this was more aligned towards where we hold the meeting. The meetings are held at the place I work at and since our GA group has grown along with another meeting the meeting space has become a hot topic. Hopefully this will be all worked out in a few weeks as we accumulate more meeting space but in the meantime I was very happy to be the mediator.

The meeting was very good and the topic very appropriate to my week. The topic was “attitude” and I spent the past few days prior to this dealing with attitude. It all started at last week’s softball game where one of the players displayed less than stellar attitude. I had a few complaints and had to address the issue at our practice on Monday. I did have a discussion (albeit one sided!) with my daughter on having a “good” attitude as opposed to a bad attitude prior to the Monday’s team meeting. At the meeting I stressed the importance of maintaining a positive attitude over a negative attitude and I was quite impressed when the player in question pointed out her own flaws. I thought this to be a great sign and hopefully my words of “wisdom” (tongue firmly planted in cheek!) hit home to some of the players.

I know it is often a struggle with my own daughter who I have had a very difficult time with over the past few days. Yesterday I nearly ripped her head off as she wasn’t ready for the game and made a ridiculous respect. I know I am blessed with an incredible family and our children are really very good; however; there are times such as yesterday where I do wonder where I have gone wrong. I don’t like it at all when my daughter expects certain things and I am certain the finger comes right back to me because she has been given these things by wife and me over the past 11 years. Material items should not be the most important aspect in anyone’s life and it does drive me crazy when I hear this from my own daughter. I am a bit frightened as my daughter enters her teenage years but I have faith through all the bumps and bruises along the way everything will turn out great.

Softball keeps moving along and my coaching skills are being enhanced (I hope!!). We haven’t won a game in the past three games and the errors are killing us. We had a great week of practice and I thought this would translate into a great game. However; yesterday those errors were prevalent and we lost to what seemed like an inferior team. I too made some coaching errors as I tried a few things that didn’t work out so well. This is the fall and thankfully standings aren’t kept. There is a tournament at the end of the season to assess what the teams have learned and hopefully by that time we will have gotten all the bad stuff out of the way!! In the meantime it has been a great deal of fun coaching these young ladies and if my daughter allows me I will most likely coach again in the spring.

17 YEARS!!!!

Seventeen years ago yesterday I said “I do” to my incredible wife. Yes, it has been 17 years already; it does seem like a blink of an eye because I can remember that day just like it was yesterday, heck even better than yesterday!!! It was a beautiful Autumn New Jersey day sandwiched between two dreary Autumn New Jersey days. I woke up that day just like I woke up yesterday and headed to the gym. I was explaining our wedding day to our 11 year old and she asked, “Who works out on their wedding day?” Yes, her Dad worked out on his wedding day and my son chimed in with an answer to this question, “Daddy was looking good for his wedding!” Wow how did I get so blessed with such an incredible family???

Back to that day 17 years ago and I do need to put it all in the proper context of my compulsive gambling addiction. I was in the midst of my second bout of my compulsive gambling addiction and I wasn’t the “usual” compulsive gambler because I wasn’t going to ruin my wedding day by gambling. I knew enough (but certainly not enough!!) that I couldn’t mess up my wedding day and I thought I could just stop gambling. Oh yes, that worked for about three weeks but I went right back to my old behaviors. Thank God for Gamblers Anonymous because it has been 4 years 7 months and 14 days since my last bet and I know if I follow the guidelines of the program I will make it 4 years 7 months and 15 days. I didn’t know about this 17 years ago and hey maybe things would have been different but everything continues to work out the way it is supposed to work it which is wonderfully.

It has been quite a ride these past 17 years and I am so fortunate to continue to spend each day with my wife. She had every right to abandon ship when all hell broke loss over 4 years but here we are. We spent most of the day on the softball and baseball diamond. First was the softball game and our team didn’t fare too well. Additionally there seemed to be some dissension in the ranks of the players and I was feeling the full affects of being a head coach for 11 pre-teens that some seem to be battling much bigger issues than fielding a softball. I have a sneaking suspicion everything will work out for the best or at least the way it should it be but it will be an interesting ride for the next month. Then it was time for the baseball diamond and my son finally got his first hit this season. It was a grounder to third and he was so proud of himself. The rest of his game went well and the day was finally over.

The children were taken care at their friends’ houses last night while my wife and I went out for a very nice dinner. We made our way to a new restaurant for the special occasion. The food was great and so was the company. We had a great time and it was a wonderful way to spend our 17th wedding anniversary talking the night away. The night ended supremely as the children came home from their friends’ houses. As I laid down I had a shiver come across my body savoring every moment of the past 17 years and knowing how blessed a person I am. Wow; my life is certainly incredible!!!

Powerful Clip!!

The week was great!! We had two softball games; one didn’t go so well and one went very well. Work is moving along very well and so is life. The weather is outstanding and even though I am more inclined to warmer temperatures I do love the autumn air. Yes, even in Southern California there is a hint of fall in the air!! We really don’t experience the full effect of the four seasons but I do like these subtle changes as summer finally broke. I played golf yesterday in what I would consider the perfect temperature of 72 degrees; not too hot and not too cold. We have more days of the year like this than most places do and I am extremely fortunate.

I am extremely fortunate for every facet in my life which brings me to this posting; http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1259192799495 Not sure if you need to have an account with Facebook to access but if you don’t please try to view this message. It is a very powerful message on how addiction causes so much pain to not only the addict but to the loved ones. There is so much I can write about this passage but I will refrain for now only saying my heart goes out to this family and all families touched by addiction. SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) states that EVERY family in the United States is affected by addiction. That statistic cannot be understated and it would be naive to believe otherwise. I come from experience and now my family has been affected by MY addiction. I am not blaming myself I am just pointing out a fact and thank God I am now in recovery because my life is incredible all thanks to recovery.

Please view this clip and I would like to hear what everyone thinks, thanks!!!