The Day After the Marathon

There was a difference in my body after finishing this marathon as opposed to the Long Beach Marathon in October. I ran that marathon 2 minutes faster and believe it or not that 2 minutes made a big difference in how I felt at the end. Yesterday although I missed my time goal I didn’t feel too bad as I crossed the finish line and as I attempted to find my family I didn’t feel like crawling into a ball and falling down. I do remember finishing the Los Angeles Marathon where I literally wanted to quit running at mile 20 but grunted to the finish line in a horrible time and as I finished that particular marathon I just needed to sit down. The rule of thumb is to keep moving and keep the blood flowing through the body after finishing a marathon. This is not always an option but yesterday I kept moving and did feel good. No, I couldn’t run another marathon nor could I do a significant pace of running but I could still stand up which is a big accomplishment.

We did have a long walk to the car and this was a slow walk. After a marathon my legs are very sore and the hardest part is going down any incline and the small curbs seem like mountains so I did my best to avoid them. Walking with my family back to the car was wonderful and my son and daughter were so very gracious. My son attempted to help me and my daughter was also by my side all the way back to the car.

I didn’t know if I would feel up to driving home after the marathon so we had the hotel room reserved until today. I wasn’t looking forward to the 5 ½ hour car ride but was looking forward to sleeping in my own bed. I am a big fan of sleeping in my “own” bed since I spent 2 years “away” from this bed and no matter how comfortable a hotel bed may seem it can’t “replace” the comfort of my “own” bed. I really wouldn’t know how I felt until after taking a shower and that is one of the “joys” of marathon day; the shower afterwards. I did feel good enough to say to my wife that we should make our way back home instead of coming home today. She agreed and this saved the expense of the extra day.

The new tradition after a marathon has become P.F. Chang’s Restaurant. They were the lead sponsor for the marathon and one of the “goodies” was a 15% discount card. We did go to P.F. Chang’s for lunch on our way back home. I enjoy this restaurant because I actually have options which rarely happen with my finicky eating habits!! The lunch/dinner was very good and I do enjoy eating after running 26.2 miles. I didn’t eat much before or during the race and I always think that I should be much hungrier after the race. I was hungry but not as hungry as I should have been. I did eat at P.F. Chang’s and it was delicious. My children aren’t big fans of the restaurant but I told them to fake their interest since it is one of my favorites and they obliged.

We did head back to California after lunch and the drive was uneventful. I drove for a few hours then turned the wheel over to my wife. I tried to take a nap but was unsuccessful so after an hour I went back to driving the minivan. I wasn’t as tired as I thought I would be and it was great to get home after a very lovely weekend. It was very nice to gain the extra hour back when the time zone changed from Arizona to California and we weren’t home at a very late hour. We stopped for some frozen yogurt as our “snack” before we arrived home and when we arrived home everyone basically crashed.

I slept very soundly last night and yes, my legs are sore this morning but nothing debilitating. I promised everyone we would go out to breakfast since the children had the day off from school. We went to breakfast at a local pancake establishment and I was very shocked when we received the bill. I can remember going here a few short years ago and it seemed to me that the prices had doubled, oh well such is life at the very least my son was extremely happy to receive his “fix” of bacon!! I’m not sure where this has come from but my son is a bacon aficionado. He can eat a great deal of bacon whereas my daughter wants nothing to do with it; amazing they are so much alike but so different.

Arizona Rock n' Roll Marathon 2009

Last evening was incredibly nice and as we said our good-byes to a very good friend in the program I realized life is truly amazing. Here is a person I did not know 4 years ago and now there is a very deep seated connection. This person was the person to open up their home to my family if we didn’t want to stay in a hotel for the marathon. We didn’t take them up on this offer but the offer was indeed incredible and now I know we certainly have a place to stay if we ever visit Arizona again. Incidentally I believe the New York Giants will play the Arizona Cardinals next year and if the game is in Arizona I may take up this friend’s offer.

We arrived back at the hotel a little later than anticipated but this didn’t matter because sleep would be hard to come by. We tucked the children in their bed and headed off to bed ourselves. I did stay awake a little longer looking at my previous two marathons and trying to calculate the proper pace. When I ran in San Diego I had no idea I was so close to qualifying for the Boston Marathon and really only set out to run the marathon in 3 hours and 30 minutes. I finished that marathon in 3 hours and 25 minutes surpassing my goal. In Long Beach I had my sights set on the 3:20 goal but missed it by 2 minutes. Last night as I looked at those two races I was hoping to achieve the optimum pace.

Sleep didn’t come easy and my water intake did keep me from falling into a deep sleep. Another key to a successful marathon is water intake the day before. I was a little off on my water intake and had a little too much too late in the evening which caused the restless night’s sleep. This was to be expected and it really didn’t matter much at all. I got out of bed at the requisite time and went through my pre-marathon ritual. Instead of taking 5 minutes to get ready this doubled my time to 10 minutes!! I had to apply “lube” in all the appropriate and some inappropriate places. I was ready and I kissed my wife good bye. As I headed out the door my son came out of his room and gave me a hug and said, “Good luck Dad,” and headed back to bed. I knew at that moment that regardless of my finishing time I was a real winner today!!!

I went down to the lobby where the hotel had a grab n’ go breakfast for the marathoners; I grabbed a half of a bagel and downed my energy drink as I waited for the shuttle. I had a very nice conversation with a fellow marathoner who was down from Alaska and very grateful for the warm temperatures after having endure -5 degrees over the past month. The shuttle was a bit late in its arrival but I was content to wait in the lobby just relaxing as opposed to standing in the 45 degree temperature at the start line. The shuttle did arrive and I was very impressed that the hotel had commissioned such a nice vehicle complete with water and PowerAde. Thankfully I had taken the shuttle because the traffic to the start line was very heavy but the shuttle was able to make their own way and we arrived in plenty of time.

Unlike five years ago the start went off smoothly. Five years ago the start was delayed 15 minutes due to the traffic but I guess all the kinks had been worked out since that inaugural event. I was feeling a bit nervous and a bit cold but I knew the temperature would quickly increase as the miles went on. The openings festivities were very nice complete with the newly appointed Arizona governor making the opening remarks and firing the start pistol; with this sound over 7,000 of us were embarking on a 26.2 mile journey.

I was hoping to run at a little slower pace than my most recent marathon because I was hoping to have something in the tank over the last few miles. I did hit my pace goals for the first 23 miles and I was running with the 3:20 pace group. Normally I don’t run with anyone but I decided to hang with this pace group and was enjoying the camaraderie. I was also enjoying the fact that as we headed into mile 20 the wind became a headwind and we all formed a single file line basically drafting off one and another. Oops I am getting ahead of myself; at about the halfway point I thought I would see my family since the course veered fairly close to the hotel. Five years ago the course went directly in front of the hotel but has changed course since that time. Incidentally that was the time I had to pull out of the race as my knee was killing me. As we made it to the halfway point I didn’t see my family but quickly realized the course was about 2 miles from the hotel and most likely my family wouldn’t make it. It would have been great to see them but it just wasn’t meant to be. I made it to the halfway point at the requisite pace and proceeded into the second half.

As I mentioned it was good to run with the pacer for the 3:20 goal and I was hanging in there. I’m not sure what happened but with a little less than 3 miles to go my legs just wouldn’t respond and I couldn’t stay with the pace group and once again the prospect of finishing in 3 hours and 20 minutes faded away. I tried to dig deep but at mile 24 there was an incline all but sealing my fate. I didn’t hit my time goal and finished the race in 3 hours and 24 minutes. I was a bit disappointed but knew I wouldn’t make it as in the final 10 minutes; my legs once again didn’t have the bounce they had in the first 23 miles and it just wasn’t meant to be.

As I headed down the homestretch I looked for my family but didn’t see them. I crossed the finish line and was tired but not devastated emotionally nor physically. I walked around the finishing area picking up some water and other goodies making my way to where the families were. I once again looked around and didn’t see my family. I realized that the finishing area was a bit confusing since the half marathon had a different finish area than the full marathon. I didn’t panic and made my way over to the “family reunion” area. I asked a very nice person if I could borrow their cell phone and was able to call my wife. I could tell by her voice she was a bit frustrated but she was fairly close. About 5 minutes later my family came up to me and it was great to see them.

My wife did have a difficult time with the lack of organization and did feel frustrated. This was okay and all that matter to me was that they were here now. No, they didn’t see me cross the finish line but when I handed my medal to my son (yes, it was his turn to garnish the medal) it was all good!! This was one of those special little moments and the fact that my daughter asked me how old you need to be to run in a half marathon meant the world. My daughter wants to run a half marathon which could be in only one year from now. I wouldn’t push my daughter into doing anything she didn’t want to do and hearing this was incredible. It would be so great to run with her and I would care less about any time goal knowing my daughter was by my side. Okay, I didn’t make the time goal but all of that is meaningless knowing the three most important people in my life were with me and that is all that matters to me.

"Expo" Day and a Wonderful Evening

There are many keys to a successful marathon as there are many keys to a disastrous marathon. Yes, my first marathon would be a “disaster” in my book and the last time I was in Arizona to run a marathon was another disaster and I do want to redeem myself. This morning one of the keys to success was accomplished with a good night’s sleep. The night before a marathon is not the night to get a good rest because I know my mind is turning and I am concerned about getting up in the morning so the onus becomes the night before (last night). As long as I can get a restful sleep two nights before the marathon I know everything is going to be alright. This is one of the reasons I wanted to drive in on Friday as opposed to Saturday. I didn’t want to sit in a car for nearly 6 hours the day before the marathon and I wanted that good night’s sleep. I did get that good night’s sleep and everyone was happy to be in Phoenix.

This morning we leisurely woke up and headed down to the lobby for breakfast. As is always the case the “guys” in the family were ahead of the “gals” so my son and I made our way downstairs for the breakfast. I am a big fan of these hotels that supply breakfast as an amenity. It can get costly to feed a family of four and this morning we didn’t have to worry about the prices because the breakfast was already included. These breakfasts have come a long way over the years because I can remember when I used to travel regularly for business that there wasn’t much for me to eat at these breakfasts. However; now I am able to get the “healthy” options and my son can get his favorite which is in the unhealthy category; bacon.

The “gals” did make their way downstairs before the breakfast was closed. We had a very enjoyable breakfast and we were ready to go back to the room so everyone could get ready to make our way over the Expo for the marathon. I believe this is my wife’s favorite part of the marathon because each marathon has their own version of the Expo. It is a flea market for runners along with weekend days at Costco where they give out many free samples. My wife is not a runner but she does enjoy shopping and believe it or not she doesn’t even have to buy anything in order to have a good time shopping. I think this is why she really enjoys the Expos.

Today was unusual because I actually had to purchase some items and this made my wife “concentrate” even more during the Expo. She knew what I needed and would do her best to find those items. Unfortunately I am not as attuned as my wife when it comes to shopping and I am the kind of person where I find what I need and move on whereas my wife consternates obsessively when looking for items. I do have to give her credit she does find some real bargains. There really weren’t any real bargains to be had today but we were able to find the items I needed. Invariably I tend to forget at least one item and today that item was the belt I use to hold my water bottle. This isn’t a necessity on short runs but it is a necessity for a marathon so my wife was able to find one that worked.

Our bag was bulging with all the free samples and I think everyone had a good time. There was a booth that was giving away free bread but to obtain the free bread each person had to spin a way. Of course I refused to spin the wheel because in my mind that is gambling. This could be construed as a bit extreme or even militant and even my wife looked at me as if I were crazy. The outcome was sort of predetermined so in the strictest sense this would not be gambling as everyone was sort of given the free loaf of bread but I didn’t want to have anything to do with the spinning of the wheel. I still cringe at the remotest sight of gambling and this is all part of my recovery. Page 17 of the Gamblers Anonymous Combo Book clearly states; “Don’t gamble for anything”, and I take this literally. I am serious about my recovery and clearly this is the reason my life is incredible because without recovery my life would be non-existent.

After the Expo we went back to the hotel so the children could go swimming. Oh yes, the temperature was in the low 80’s and I do feel a little guilty knowing the vast majority of this country is having an Arctic Blast; however; not guilty enough to just enjoy the warm temperatures. The children had a great time and another benefit of recovery is having so many wonderful people associated. This evening we were going to visit one of these wonderful people who live about 40 minutes from our hotel. This wonderful person is a true example how well life works in recovery and because of recovery their life is indeed wonderful.

We took the drive and met this dear friend in their new house and a very nice town. We were given a tour of the house and knowing this person’s story I had chills looking around the beautiful home. Then we were given a tour of the town which looks very much where we live in California and we treated for a very lovely dinner. The evening was a great deal of fun and once again the blessings of recovery were very evident all day long.

Heading Out East for the Marathon

The last day of my training regimen has come and the marathon is in only 48 more hours. I think I have logged nearly 600 miles over the last 12 weeks and this all came to an end with a small 4 mile run this morning. It appears most everyone at the gym is aware of the fact that I am running a marathon on Sunday. It isn’t something I have advertised and it isn’t something I have boasted about. I have been asked why I run so long and my answer is that I am training for a marathon.

I remember my first marathon back in 2002 which started with a mere suggestion from a co-worker. I thought I was in good shape because I have worked out for years but was never really serious about running. I ran cross country in high school but that was only to get me prepared for basketball season. I hated the fact that after the long runs back then I couldn’t walk downstairs and my cross country running career was practically ended. I did run on my own for about a 6 month period again in high school and my “claim to fame” was running 2 miles in 12 minutes. Thankfully some 25 plus years later I can actually surpass this accomplishment because of that innocent conversation I had back in 2002. I thought that it couldn’t be that hard to run 26.2 miles because I was in shape boy was I wrong!! I had no idea what I was getting myself into. That first marathon was the hardest and I was pissed after completing the run. I was not even close to my goal time and I felt embarrassed. Of course now I realize that was my ego talking and I shouldn’t be embarrassed for completing a marathon no matter how long it took.

Yes, after my first marathon I had to “save face” with myself and one year later I took over 30 minutes off my finishing time. Then on my third marathon I failed to finish because I developed tendinitis on my right knee during the race and had enough at the 15 mile mark. That would be the one and only marathon I have failed to finish and incidentally that was the Arizona Rock n’ Roll Marathon inaugural race in 2004. Since that time I have completed 5 other marathons and 3 of those have come in the past 7 months. Yes, my ego is telling me I had “unfinished” business in Arizona which leads me to this weekend. I am fortunate enough to be able to “redeem” myself by running the marathon and hopefully complete that redemption with a finishing time that qualifies me for the Boston Marathon.

Five years ago my family and I flew to Phoenix for the marathon but this year we decided to drive. After working this morning and incidentally I had the strangest conversation with a vendor who swore to me they didn’t offer something they clearly offered because I was staring at as we spoke. Anyhow I picked the children up early from school and the mini-van was all packed and we headed east to Phoenix. It is a little over 350 miles which could be a long way but when the entire family has driven across country twice it is just a small trip!!! I do find it so strange that having lived out west for over 15 years now that it really isn’t anything to make 200 and 300 mile car trips whereas on the east coast this is very unfamiliar unless you are going to Florida for the annual summer vacation from New Jersey!!!

The mini-van was indeed all packed and we were driving east. The drive wasn’t the most exciting as there really isn’t anything between here and Phoenix other than a great deal of desert. California is not only a long state but a deceptively wide state and my son just couldn’t understand why it would take us 5 ½ hours to get to Phoenix when it was “just the next state”. I had to explain and show him the map that just because it was the next state didn’t mean we would be there in less than an hour and as we drove I think he understood how wide California really is.

The children are great passengers and of course having the DVD in the minivan is a God send!! This keeps them occupied and also teaches them the principle of taking turns. Each of them alternates in picking out a movie so there isn’t any fighting and really my son is so amiable and will watch just about any movie. The trip was uneventful and we arrived safely in Phoenix to same hotel we stayed five years ago. There was a little issue with our room but fortunately “cooler heads” prevailed and we were able to get the room we had anticipated. After a very nice dinner we headed back to the room for a good night’s rest.

Running Shoes Saga

The morning had me at the gym for my last intense workout before Sunday’s marathon. This training program has been the longest training I have had for a marathon and looking back may have been too long. I have been reading articles that state that the amount of training time for a marathon should be between 8 and 12 weeks. I am at the high end of that range having completed 12 weeks. The past two marathons were 10 week sessions and seemed a little better. I am not sure what this says for Sunday as I seek that elusive 3 hour and 20 minute goal to get me into the Boston Marathon. I did see that there was a half marathon that promoted qualifying for the Boston Marathon and I was unaware of any half marathons that would allow a person to qualify for the Boston Marathon. I do find that the 13.1 mile distance is much more conducive to quicker recovery (in the body sense) as opposed to a full marathon so I may investigate this a bit further.

I completed the intense session with a very good run. I have noticed that my quadriceps have been much tighter than usual. My quads almost feel like they do after a very long run and I am not sure what has caused this to happen. I did order new running shoes last month which produced the ugly blood blister on my foot which caused me to order another pair this week. This is a no-no in preparing for a marathon because the number one rule for a marathon is to NOT do anything different than in training the number two rule is to NOT wear a brand new pair of running shoes.

I remember running in the La Jolla half marathon with a pair of brand new running shoes. It was a good run but I felt this rubbing sensation on the back of my ankle all throughout that race but of course finished the race not really thinking about it so when I went to take off my running shoes I was shocked to see a huge blood stain on my sock and the running shoes. The new running shoes were rubbing into my ankle all through the race and I had a hole in that ankle when I completed the race. Yes, that is one of the reasons why a person shouldn’t wear a brand new pair of running shoes during any race. Now I am hoping to be able to break in the running shoes I just received yesterday.

I try to be an equal opportunity purchaser of running shoes and don’t really have a loyalty to any one particular running shoe company. I have had pairs of Nike, New Balance, Brooks, Asics, Adidas and the last pair I purchased was Saucony which caused the blood blisters. My feet have a very high arch which does add some complexity to my running shoe dilemma. Incidentally because of this high arch I can’t wear loafers or any other shoe that doesn’t have support; my feet just slip in and out of these types of shoes.

My high arch does call for a specific shoe and the fact that I do log many miles also narrows done this search. I tried unsuccessfully to find some of the higher rated running shoes but they were all on backorder. I did heed a suggestion and found a pair of Adidas running shoes which are successors to a pair I already own. Anyhow to make a long story longer these arrived yesterday and I have two more runs before the marathon to break them in. The run this morning did go very well and the running shoes felt great. These are very light shoes but provided the most amount of cushion I have ever felt in a pair of running shoes. Hopefully this will be the case on Sunday with 26.2 miles in store.

Today was a day of just doing what I was told. I have been given another opportunity to expand with the company I work for and I was very grateful for the opportunity. I have come to find out that there are people in this world that come into my life for a reason and it truly is the “Law of Attraction”. I have gone into the “The Secret” and the “The Power of Intention” in the past and I am a huge believer of these things. I think I do this at a more subconscious level than conscious level and to me this is how it has to be. The “Law of Attraction” is innate and can sift through those disingenuous folks. I am blessed to have some many incredible people in my life and this is all because of the “Law of Attraction” which certainly works both ways. This isn’t a one way street so the “I wish I had 10 million dollars” just doesn’t work but the living a clear positive life does work extremely well especially with recovery.

Positive Paperwork

I enjoyed another day of as I head into the marathon which meant there wasn’t a need to go to the gym this morning. Instead I had to take a drive to a very familiar place so I could pick up my “permission slip” in order to travel to the marathon. Yes, I still need permission to leave the state; however; unlike my first attempt to travel this was very easy. I had to marvel as to how far I have come over the past year. Early on I was hoping to travel to New Jersey for my daughter’s communion which didn’t happen; however; I was allowed to travel to New Jersey in order to drive back here to California with my family. After that everything seemed to change for the better and today my meeting was very pleasurable.

I was able to obtain the necessary paperwork to travel to Phoenix this weekend and the interaction was remarkable. I was told that I am approaching the one year mark of my parole and all has gone very well. This was very good because my discharge will be forthcoming since there hasn’t been any “drama” with me. This is exactly how I envisioned everything to go and it truly is amazing how incredible my life has become all because of recovery. I may have gotten off to a rocky start but as usual everything has worked out as it should which is again for the very best.

I had to marvel as I saw the word “outstanding” on the travel pass and this was meant in the positive manner as opposed to the negative. I have seen my share of “official” paperwork over the past few years and none of it has contained a positive description until today. I take this to be a good sign and a sign that life in recovery is the only way to proceed. Without a life in recovery none of this exists and living with a positive purpose certainly changes life for the better. This was a very good morning.

As I sat in the very familiar office I just watched many people filter into and out of the office. It is strange how my brain does conveniently forget the past. I did forget that there was a different language while I served my sentence and I was reintroduced to this language as I waited in the office. It didn’t take long but I did remember and had to smile. The world is made up of all types of people and I realize in the past I would have turned up my big nose at certain types of people but I have learned to only take inventory of myself and not others.

I drove back to the office with the paperwork in hand knowing I can now officially head off to Phoenix for the marathon this weekend. Yes, I drove back to the office and lately I am spending more time in the office as my responsibilities continue to grow. I do enjoy the diversity of my job and today was no exception. My responsibilities range from marketing to development to administrative and everything in between. I am learning a great deal about this business and really it is a business that operates just like most other businesses. Thankfully one of the advantages of this business is helping people rebuild their lives. Unfortunately not everyone is successful in rebuilding their lives but the people who do makes it all worthwhile.

No Competition

The day went by so quickly yesterday because I had so much to do; however; I have come to find out that the days go by at the same speed no matter the activity and it is up to me to get the most of the day. Hopefully I did get the most out of the day yesterday and hopefully I get the most out of everyday! The day did move along and I did find myself at the Monday Evening Gamblers Anonymous Speaker’s meeting as the Secretary for the first time. The Secretary positions are supposed to change hands every six months and this would mark the first meeting of my six month term. This meeting is a little different from most of the meetings in our area because it is a “Speaker’s” meeting which means one person speaks for the majority of the one hour meeting. Additionally this meeting only last one hour and we do our best to get in and get out in that hour time limit.

The Secretary of this meeting is responsible for “booking” the speakers and it is helpful if that person has a little time in the program. It would be difficult for a new member to be a Secretary in this meeting so it makes sense to have someone with time in the program. I don’t have a great deal of time as I am approaching my fourth year in Gamblers Anonymous but thankfully I continue to meet some many people in the program. This evening I asked a very special member to speak and I had never heard this member’s full story. This member joined the fellowship as I served my sentence but did participate in the bi-monthly GA meeting at “camp” even though this person only had nearly 30 days in the program. I found this to be amazing because the first time we met was when I was wearing all “orange” and to be that is the power of the program at work.

I was so impressed that this member not only came that time but came several other times as well. I realized that this person was very serious about their recovery and it is no surprise that they are very involved with the fellowship. I enjoyed this member tonight as I did get the full story.

I realize that most people are fixated about the “money” when they enter Gamblers Anonymous and few fail to realize that it isn’t about the money. Yes, many people have lost millions and others have lost a great deal less but I go back to the story I heard about a young man who was in the parking lot of a GA meeting after having shared that they lost $800. This may not seem like a great deal of money but the burden was so heavy on this member that they took their own life in the parking lot of the GA meeting. That story alone confirms to me that it doesn’t matter what dollar amount and really the amount is insignificant. I bring this up because this incredible member who spoke this evening did mention dollar amounts.

I attended a birthday celebration and one of the guidelines at this meeting addressed the mentioning of dollar amounts lost and won. This was frowned upon and I would have to agree. Of course this is my own opinion so take it for whatever it is worth. I feel if dollar amounts are mentioned than it becomes sort of a competition and those who are not in that “ballpark” may think they aren’t as bad and not need the fellowship. I know I need and want the fellowship because it does save my life each and every day so hopefully the “competition” of who lost what is set aside for what really matters which is recovering from a baffling insidious disease.

The meeting went well and I had to scold myself because I ran two minutes over. I was very impressed as to how many people were in attendance. I was attended the very first speaker meeting three years ago and at that meeting we had four people. Tonight the attendance quadrupled which is another testament of the GA Program. I was happy to be in attendance and hear this very powerful story knowing I am on the right road of recovery.

This morning I found myself at the gym for a very small 4 mile run. It is so strange how well I felt after I ran 24 miles 2 weeks ago and today how I labored through the small run. I realize this is all psychological and I am well prepared for Sunday’s marathon. I have to stay true to myself and my commitment to run to the best of my ability those 26.2 miles and I will. I do find it funny struggling through a run which is a mere warm-up but all those aches and pains of the past few weeks are starting to subside.

I had another very busy day and I was running all around today. This is so cool that I can stay so busy doing different things every day. I was originally brought on as a marketing consultant but my priorities have shifted and I am doing a little bit of everything. Incidentally, yesterday during the meeting when I potentially saw one of my biggest responsibilities disappear I had two very interesting conversations that would fill that void. These can fill that void and also enhance my day to day activities. Of course, I will continue to address life one day at a time and I know whatever does happens will happen for the very best!

Looking Up

I did miss my usual Sunday evening Gamblers Anonymous meeting last night since I took my mother to the airport but this was okay. It was okay because tonight would be my first meeting as Secretary of the Monday evening Speaker’s meeting. I would still like to keep my commitment to the Sunday GA meeting even on those weeks I Secretary the Speaker’s meeting; however; this week it just seemed “right” to take my mother to the airport. Next week I will miss the Sunday meeting again as we will be in Arizona. I have had a friend who lives in the area we will be in next week that offered to take me to a GA meeting next week. This is the “power” of the program and I am blessed to know people all across the country who are members of this wonderful fellowship. I am not sure if I can fit this in or am I sure if I will be in any shape to attend a meeting after running 26.2 miles but the option certainly exists.

As we drove back from the airport I had promised my son to stop at a store to pick him up something I promised I would buy him and of course since my daughter was with us I couldn’t leave her out. I didn’t leave her out and she did add to her Webkinz collection which incidentally my dear friends who are so thoughtful also added to both my daughter and son’s Webkinz collection the other night. (Thank you so very much!!) We made the stop and both of my children were very grateful for the items. Incidentally my son opted for the Pokémon cards instead of another Webkinz. I sort of don’t get the whole Pokémon card “thing” but I noticed there is some type of “game” the children play. It isn’t like when I played baseball cards as a child because I would “lose” those baseball cards which were an early form of gambling. This appears to be an early form of “collecting” which is so much better than the alternative.

The evening went very well and we did our best to get the children to sleep at a “decent” hour as they finally go back to school tomorrow. They were in bed at that decent hour and I made it a point to wake them up early this morning in hopes they would get to sleep early tonight. My son has no difficulties in getting up or going to sleep; the problem is with my daughter who has difficulty in both areas; getting up and going to sleep. This appears to be the nature of the “beast” and something we are going to be dealing with for the near future. The only concern I have is the fact that my daughter is getting enough sleep because I would swear she falls asleep much too late for someone her age. There are days we she is very active and still has difficulty in falling asleep. I guess there is something in her “make-up” that establishes her as a true night person whereas my son is clearly a true morning person.

I can draw parallels between my wife and me as I am the morning person and my wife is the night person so all of this shouldn’t be a surprise. It really isn’t a surprise and I surmise that this may change over the course of time since both of my children are still young. Whatever happens I will continue to monitor the amount of sleep my daughter gets and hope she does receive the requisite amount.

This morning I was scheduled for an off day as I really prepare for the upcoming marathon. This is a very easy week when it comes to the training schedule as the real test comes on Sunday. I often wonder if those elite athletes taper this much into a race because those folks are running three times as much as I do and I have a hard time understanding how they can go from running nearly 200 miles a week to running “only” 120 miles a week. I guess it is all relative as my mile total will be 35% less than my average mileage over the course of this particular training program.

I did welcome the day off since I had to make a very long drive to a very important meeting this morning. I made this drive even longer because I input the incorrect zip code into the GPS and was routed 30 miles off course. I finally corrected myself as I realized that the meeting wasn’t being held in a parking lot for a shipping container!! I arrived almost an hour late and yes, most of this time was spent with my “detour” but the traffic was horrendous. I have no idea how people commute in Southern California on a daily basis. There was one point where I went 30 miles in an hour and fifteen minutes. I did state the “Serenity Prayer” often this morning since there wasn’t much I could do about the traffic.

I finally made it to the meeting and yes, the information was very important. My company is embarking into a very significant endeavor and this endeavor was issued a slight set back this morning. The information we received was not exactly positive and did conflict with our time goals. I have faith that there is an alternate plan and everything will work out for the very best. The people I work for are very creative and thankfully I have friends who are extremely knowledgeable in the areas where I know basically nothing. I wasn’t deterred with the information and will continue to move forward.

Little Melodrama

This wasn’t the typical Sunday morning as it is the last day of my mother’s visit. Usually Sunday mornings consist of lounging around watching the CBS Sunday Morning Program along with making breakfast. I didn’t watch the program and my mother had made a very nice pancake breakfast for everyone. We were out late last night so there was a late start to the day. Each day my mother has been here has been filled with something to do (this is much better and most certainly to my mother’s liking). The week has flown by so quickly and I am sure being busy has something to do with that but it has been a wonderful week. We all got to go to Disneyland which was a blast for the entire family and even when there was “down” time my mother spent it with the children doing “something”.

The morning was a bit sluggish but we were all downstairs in anticipation of the New York Giants playoff game. The family has become big fans of the Giants ever since they spent the past two years in New Jersey. Much of my wife’s family is Giants fans and this has rubbed off not only on my son but slightly on my daughter as well. She surprisingly was with us as the game commenced and watched most of the first half. My wife is an “interesting” fan because she is loud when there is a play of a significant magnitude which sort of upsets my son. He is so funny and just looks at his mother to say, “Cut it out!” It was great watching the game with my family even though my son and daughter “bailed” out at halftime. My son asked if he could go upstairs to play the Wii and appeared too had had enough of the game. He told me he knew that the Giants were going to lose and I really couldn’t argue with him.

The Giants weren’t successful and clearly were the inferior team today. There wouldn’t be a run like the one they had last year when they won the Super Bowl. The team that appears headed for a similar one defeated the Giants today and I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Eagles in the Super Bowl along with winning that game. Of course, I have “retired” from the prognosticating business and thankfully so!! Today was a far cry from those insane days when I would feign interest in the game but in reality had my internal organs in an uproar.

I did feel bad that the Giants lost but this was as a fan and my son took the loss in stride stating emphatically, “we aren’t watching the Super Bowl this year!!” I doubt that to be the case and I realize the Super Bowl could be a trigger of mine but I go back to the first time I got into trouble with my compulsive gambling and had to see a psychologists who told me that no matter how long I abstained from gambling the Super Bowl would be like New Year’s Eve is to an alcoholic. I remember those words and I would purposely treat the Super Bowl just like any other “betting” day and my smallest bets happened during these days. Oh yes, I was a “sick ticket” (as my mother likes to state) but by God I wasn’t a compulsive gambler. Clearly that was the case and I am and will always be a compulsive gambler but thankfully I have found recovery and my life continues to get better and better each day.

The Giants game was over and I watched a few minutes of the second game but then went outside to play catch with my son. This is a much better way to spend a warm sunny Sunday afternoon then to sit and watch a meaningless (at least to me) football game. We had a game of catch before we were off to one of our favorite eating establishments (Souplantation) as a farewell dinner for my mother. This is such a great place for the family and now with the children getting older they are able to fend for themselves. I glanced around at the other tables with much younger children where either the mom or dad was trying to placate the children and thought I am so glad those days are over. It is so much better now that both of my children can move freely about the restaurant and get whatever they want.

We had a very nice early dinner and that would mark the end of my mother’s visit since we were then headed off to the airport. I took my mother back and both my son and daughter joined me. My wife stayed behind to relax and the drive to the airport was very nice. My daughter has a tendency to be a bit melodramatic when a family departs and she started with the “I miss Grandma” chant well before we arrived at the airport. This has been going all of my daughter’s life and it has gotten to a point where everyone (including my daughter) sort of takes it with a grain of salt. Yes, it is clear everyone will miss grandma but life will kick in and those thoughts won’t be as prevalent. We did drop my mother off at the airport and yes, it was a wonderful visit in all facets. I am so grateful to my mother for everything and so grateful I had the opportunity to spend time with her this week. I am so blessed to have such an incredible family.

Special Evening

This morning would mark the last Saturday running of my training program. I started this program 11 weeks ago and with 1 week to go this would be the longest I have “officially” trained for a marathon. In the past most of my “official” training programs have lasted 10 weeks and were much less intense than this particular regimen. I will admit I am feeling the effects of the longer program and more intense program this week. I ran my first marathon in 2002 and that was an “experience” to say the least. I finished the 26.2 mile run but failed miserably in my mind. Ever since that marathon I have dedicated myself to improving. There have been some rough spots over those 6 plus years but there have been some very good spots especially in the past 4 years with recovery on my side. I realize my running is all part of my obsessive compulsive personality and as my friend told me “all those issues make sense and now I know how you became a compulsive gambler”.

I don’t think I am a compulsive runner because I don’t have to do it every day and it doesn’t all consume my life. I am so grateful for my running ability because it was a huge part in getting me through those 19 ½ months. I was able to “get away” when I was running even though I ran lap after lap over the same route. Yes, this assisted me along with so many other wonderful things in my life. I am eternally grateful and as I wind down this training program I don’t really have a clear plan for any other marathons. I am attempting to qualify for the Boston Marathon and if I do run a sub 3 hour and 20 minute marathon I will be eligible to run in either the 2009 or 2010 Boston Marathon. The Boston Marathon is run in April and I certainly won’t put the cart before the horse so no plans are being made for any date. I do hope for a good run next week and no matter what happens I will be smiling running each of the 26 miles.

This morning was another small run and I was so happy to return to running. A huge part of running a marathon is psychological and with all the aches and pains of this week it was great to get in 8 uninterrupted miles. I may have “peaked” a little too early because my 24 mile run 2 weeks ago was the best run I have had in any training session and since that time things have tailed off. I do look forward to seeing my family not only at the finish line but along the route next week. I will run right by our hotel and it will be great to get that “jolt” at mile 13 or 14 as I run by them. Again whatever happens I am blessed and very grateful for the opportunity.

My workout was over and I returned home so we could venture out to my son’s flag football game. Grandma does not depart until tomorrow so she will see her first flag football game today. We all piled in the mini-van and were off to my son’s game. My son did miss practice this week because we were in Disneyland but he still got his share of plays. He played both offensive and defense in the first half. He did well but his team is still struggling how to stop their opponents. My son has such a great attitude even the lopsided scoreboard did not deter him. I just said, “Tough game” and he replied, “yes, tough game,” and grabbed his snack at the end of the game. He didn’t care about the score all he cared about was going to the nearby park with his sister after the game. It is so great to see the world through the eyes of a 7 year old who knows no bounds.

We did go over to the nearby park where we watched my daughter and son played while my wife and I along with my grandma discussed yesterday’s movie “Seven Pounds”. My mother wanted to know if the movie was worth seeing and I thought it was too slow for her tastes so we ended up telling her the whole movie. She agreed she wouldn’t have wanted to see a movie with that particular storyline. While we were talking the children were playing and I had my eye on them. It is amazing how well the two of them get along in spite of my daughter not really “acknowledging” her younger brother. It is clear the two of them love each other and they for the most part do play very well together.

We ran a few errands after the park in preparation of having dinner with some very dear friends. These are the friends who have been not only integral in my recovery but an inspiration to me. These are the dear friends who came to visit me the most while I served my sentence and have become very good friends with my mother as well. When they heard my mother was coming for a visit all of us were invited over for dinner and what a lovely dinner we had. Not only did our dear friends invite my family but they invited another very good friend in my life as well. It was an interesting mixture of people at the dinner table but there was never a lull in the conversation. The evening FLEW by so quickly and it seemed to me as soon as we said hello we had to say our good-byes.

My dear friend is so thoughtful and had things to do for the children along with a very thoughtful gift for both my daughter and son. I am not the easiest person to cook for but once again my dear friend was so thoughtful and prepared a delicious meal for me. It was a great evening through and through. I am constantly amazed as to how well my life progresses in recovery. I sat at the dinner table with dear friends I didn’t know existed 4 years ago and thankfully these dear friends do exist since my life is enriched with their presence. In recovery I am constantly given these presents and yes, I am eternally grateful for everything in my life. This evening was very special in every way and I was so happy to be able to spend it with my incredible family and my incredible dear friends.

"Time" is a Friend

Everyone was still awake when I came home for the wonderful GA celebration last night. The family which of course contains Grandma this week were having a game night and concluding their festivities. Grandma requested to see videos of our son’s Holiday performance and our daughter’s presentation from last month. These were completed during the last few days of school as the children headed into the Winter Break. Grandma seemed to enjoy both performances and it is so wonderful to see the children in their element. There is no doubt I have been blessed with an incredible family and my children are so very special. Watching them on the video gave me such chills knowing how fortunate I am to have them in my life. I really don’t have the proper words to describe those feelings swirling inside of me but I can say WOW!!

As the videos concluded the children said their goodnights and headed off to bed. The evening had grown late and after a few minutes of chatting with my mother I too headed off to bed. This morning I had every intention of making up for the other day when I took off from running but my legs were feeling very tired. I decided to sleep in and try to work out later in the day when all my meetings had concluded. I have found that this method never seems to work and this was the case today. I had to head into the office for several meetings and I found myself in the office much longer than anticipated. It is amazing how fast time goes and before I realized it half the day was over. My legs were a bit sore and taking the day off was the right prescription as I really taper into the marathon next week.

It was fun hanging out in a “real” office environment today and I have to admit I do miss the social interaction of a “real” office. I am still feeling my way around the “home” office environment and yes, more does get accomplished since the interruptions of that social atmosphere are very limited; however; there is something to be said for those interruptions. I had to hearken back to the days where I would venture to an office everyday and invariably my day would be interrupted with those interactions. I probably wasn’t the most attentive manager as my compulsive gambler had consumed my life most of my career and thankfully those days are in the past. I really didn’t mind those interruptions and it was interesting really taking in the character of the office today. I do have a great job because every day there seems to be something different and I certainly won’t complain (hopefully ever!!).

I had completed all my tasks and I returned home where Grandma had volunteered to watch the children while my wife and I went to a movie. We decided to see Seven Pounds with Will Smith. I had read the reviews and it appears those reviewers weren’t very impressed but all the people I know who saw it said the movie was very good. I didn’t know much about the movie and the trailers were very vague. I knew it was a “serious” movie but knew nothing more. I went in with an opened mind and as I watched the “serious” movie I was unmoved in spite of the very heavy content.

I won’t give away any of the movie because that just wouldn’t be fair but I would say that the movie portrayed the ultimate “selfish” act as a “selfless” act. I had a hard time separating these two thoughts and as my wife welled up at the ending I didn’t have those same emotions. There were a few “critical” issues in the movie that made me think and I realize that the right road for me is to take one day at a time enjoying each of those moments because I have no idea what tomorrow will bring and the past is gone.

The movie was over and all of us were going out to dinner at our favorite local restaurant. We didn’t choose the right time because when we got to the restaurant I forgot the economy was in a recession since it was very crowded. We actually had to wait for a table and apparently there are still some people with some discretionary funds! Our table was finally ready and I was getting an uneasy feeling about our favorite restaurant but this was unfounded since the meal was very good and everyone had a wonderful time. The five of us sat very cozily in a booth and behind us was a couple with a newly born baby who was peaking over the seat into our booth. I had to smile because it does seem like yesterday when I went out with my mother and my newly born daughter who was about the same age as this baby, that was 10 years ago and in a few weeks my daughter will turn 11. Time does go by so quickly and thankfully now I understand the power of time. I no longer take this for granted and our time this evening was indeed very special.

It is About the Program

We had made reservations at the hotel for two evenings but the more I thought about it the more it didn’t make sense to stay the second evening. Without traffic it takes less than an hour to get home so why should we stay the extra night when we all could be home in our own beds in our own house in less than an hour. I think my wife and daughter wanted to stay the extra night but I saw a very slow start to the morning especially knowing we were done with the Disney parks.

We did make our way home last night after a very fun filled two days in the Disney parks. Yes, it did take less than an hour and it is always good to sleep in my own bed. Also; I needed to get home to since I had a few meetings to attend and although those meetings were in the afternoon I just wanted to avoid any possible “confrontation” if we were indeed staying the second evening. Thankfully we made our way home and there weren’t any “confrontations”.

My foot was feeling 100% better but I noticed that my legs were sore in places they had not been sore in ever. I got up and made my way to the gym after taking the day off yesterday but I decided it was best just to ride the bicycle instead of putting any pressure on my foot and leg. This seemed to be the best course of action and the workout was good. Psychologically this is a little disconcerting knowing the marathon is in less than 10 days.

I have started 8 marathons and completed 7 of them and I have come to find out that preparation is the key but there is a huge mental factor especially in the ladder stages of the race. I will never forget my first marathon where my body and mind quit at the 18 mile mark and I struggled those last 8 miles. Incidentally, I won’t forget the one and only time I dropped out of a marathon because the pain in my knee was too much for me to go in. I want to go into the marathon with fresh legs so riding the bicycle this morning was the way to go.

As I was riding the bicycle I had three different people come up to me and talk to me about my running. These are people who are regulars in the gym and I do see on that regular basis. I am not much of a conversationalist when I am running; really only my good friend comes up to talk with me while most other people keep their distance. Since I was on the exercise bicycle I was more accessible and these people gave me so many positive comments about my running. This was very much like my entire 19 ½ month sentence as I ran most of those days. I just wanted to mind my own business but by minding my own business running around the track and now running on the treadmill I did create attention. This is not what I intend to do in either case but I guess not too many people log the miles I log and I am that “sweaty mess” on the treadmill so there is the attention. I very much appreciated the positive comments and I really don’t have much to say other than “thank you”.

My workout was over and I had meetings to attend while the rest of the family was enjoying grandma’s visit. Today was a “movie” day and they were off to see “Bedtime Stories” while I had my meetings to attend. This may not seem like a good trade off but I am extremely grateful to be able to have “meetings” at this stage in my life and I do know that I am on the right road to recovery. Those meetings went very well and went a little longer than I had expected but I was home to play a few rounds of “spoons” before I had to depart for a very special Gamblers Anonymous celebration.

As most people who read this blog on a regular know that I am a huge proponent of the Gamblers Anonymous Program and when I noticed that there was a very big celebration this evening I had made plans to attend. Yes, my mother is visiting from the East Coast this week and I do need to spend time with her but as I do my best to achieve “balance” in my life I wanted to attend this celebration. After those few rounds of “spoons” I said my good-byes and made my way to our meeting point where 7 of us would make the drive to the very big celebration. The celebration consisted of a 2, 12, 18 and 28 birthdays in the GA Program. I know 3 of the 4 celebrants and the celebrant with the most time has been very influential in my recovery.

The drive was very nice and the celebration was outstanding. I realized after someone shared that these celebrations are NOT for the celebrants but for the program. This does show the new members that the program works and seeing a huge gathering from one of the member’s family does exemplify the power of the program. I did think that the celebrations should be taken with a grain of salt because it is only one day in a lifetime of recovery; however; if these celebrations didn’t occur it would be a disservice to the program. I also realize some people make a big deal about these celebrations as an individual accomplishment but for me this is not the case. The accomplishment is a group effort and as was the case this evening should be shared on a group basis. I am so happy I made the time to attend the wonderful celebration and with over 100 other members at the meeting it was clear in my mind that the program works!!!

Disneyland Day Two

We decided to call it a day even before Disneyland had closed and this was a very good decision. As the day wore on I realized the blister on my foot had developed into a blood blister. I had basically gritted my teeth all day long but as we boarded one of the last rides I had to take off my sneaker. I looked at the blister which certainly did manifest itself into a blood blister that wasn’t very pretty. My foot hurt all day long but I was not going to let this detract from all the fun everyone had. I couldn’t wait to get to the hotel where I could rest my foot. We departed Disneyland and headed over to the hotel where I was able to rest my foot. Instead of going out for dinner we decided it would be better just to get take out from the nearby Outback Restaurant.

While we were waiting for the dinner my wife performed some “surgery” on my blood blister. We both thought the best course of action would be to drain the blood out of the blister so with needle cauterized my wife did just that! Thankfully, my mother and the children were downstairs in the lobby to not witness the “surgery”. As soon as the blood (sorry for the descriptive story!) was drained my foot started to feel infinitely better and I would be ready for Day 2 at Disneyland. The rest of the evening we just lounged around the very nice room and everyone was fast asleep very early.

The early morning came and I decided it would be much better if I didn’t work out even though I had planned to workout. My foot was feeling better but I didn’t want to do any further damage and I have to get myself ready for next week’s marathon. These things do happen and I think because I had favored one leg over the other and I had walked differently my legs were sore in places they had not been sore before. Yes, I have to be ready for the marathon next week but I can’t do any more damage to my foot or legs. Strangely five years ago when I ran this marathon my knee had all types of problems leading up to the marathon and I couldn’t finish. I certainly want to finish and barring any unforeseen catastrophes I will finish and hopefully within my goal time. I have put in the necessary training and making sure my legs and feet are in order is a much better course of action then to continue training. Anyhow I would get in more walking today which is not going to diminish my endurance.

Everyone was awake early but the one day incentive of Disneyland had lasted exactly that! My daughter needed prodding but we were on our way over to California Adventure for a fun filled Day Two. We once again hit all the popular rides and my son continues to be a conundrum with the rides. He would have nothing to do with the big roller coaster but did go on the ride that shoots you 10 stories in the air and then drops you those same 10 stories.

The big story of the day was the fact that the rides kept breaking down. We were in line for the Toy Story attraction and there was some sort of technical difficulty. The real issue came when my son, daughter and I were in line for the Tower of Terror attraction. At first my son was all for going on this ride but his sister had actually expressed some trepidation and started to talk about the ride. All my son had to hear was that it was very dark in this particular ride and his angst grew as we approached the attraction. As we were about to get in line he asked me to step across the street as he had “something to ask me.” He then proceeded to tell me that he didn’t want to go on the ride because he was scared.

This wasn’t bad enough until he went into full “meltdown mode” with tears and everything. I talked to him for awhile and somehow convinced him to get in line and go on the ride. All was well but my son wasn’t fully convinced as we waited. We got inside the attraction and were about to board the ride when we were alerted to evacuate. I thought this was part of the attraction but as we approached the exit it became apparent that something had happened to cause a malfunction on the ride. Apparently power was lost and everyone had to vacate the premise. I couldn’t believe this was happening especially knowing how much I wanted my son to go on the ride. I kept shaking my head and I think my son was breathing a huge sigh of relief. I knew there was a very small window of opportunity to get my son on the ride and as we departed that window had closed. I felt so bad because I knew once my son got on the ride I knew he would have loved it but this was not meant to be. I almost convinced him to go back on the ride but there was too much time in between and he would have no part of this.

We did return to the “Tower of Terror” since my daughter really wanted to go on this and somehow we convinced my wife to join us. My wife is NOT a big ride person and does not go on any of the “scary” attractions. The “Tower of Terror” is certainly one of those “scary” attractions but there she was side by side waiting in line. The real fun came as we boarded the ride and I thought my wife was either going to have a heart attack or have an accident in her pants as the ride progressed!!! The ride is based on the premise of a plummeting elevator and it is not for the faint of heart. I think it drops something like a 100 feet and I did literally come out of my seat. As we were plummeting my wife’s legs were shaking beyond belief and she kept saying, “Oh my God” to the point where I thought she was going to weep. She did manage to survive but she wasn’t going back for an encore!! I had a very large smile on my face and my daughter was very excited about the ride as well. It was a very fun day and in spite of the potential setbacks all went well through and through.

As we completed our tour of California Adventure we headed over to Disneyland to conclude our visit. I was very surprised to see how crowded Disneyland had become as California Adventure had closed. We waited a very long time for a very disappointing “Peter Pan’s Flight” ride and after trying to board a few other attractions we decided it was time to head home. Disney had a tough day today because at least four attractions suffered some type of technical difficulty but in spite of all that we had a wonderful time and the fact I was able to be with my family means the world to me!!

Disneyland Day One

Our children had been waiting for this day ever since we told them about it prior to Christmas. Today would be the day we would venture to Disneyland and when I say “we” I am also referring to my mother who was integral in making this happen. I had harped on the fact that we all needed to get very early this morning because my daughter has the habit of wanting to sleep-in; however; as I recognized this morning all she needs is a little incentive to get out of bed. I made my way to the gym for a very good workout as I taper toward the Arizona Rock n’ Roll marathon next week. I did notice a strange sensation on the side of my foot and there appears to be a blister forming. This really isn’t anything new since I had one of these just a few weeks ago on my other foot. I thought nothing of it and did complete a very short run of 6 miles.

I returned home from the gym and yes, the incentive of heading off to Disneyland had everyone ready well before the required departure time. I guess Disneyland is a very big incentive because there was no complaining and everyone was very eager to get going. The was a little issue with the tickets but just as everything in my life seemingly works out for the best the little issue with the tickets turned into a savings. I had tried to purchase these tickets on EBay since the regular price is very expensive.

I found an auction which seemed to have a good deal but the auction was not setup properly and although I was one of the high bidders I was not able to purchase those tickets. I had contacted another agent who specializes in Disneyland tickets but one thing led to another and this didn’t work out. As I was running on the treadmill at the gym I just “so happened” (yeah right!) to see a commercial for a promotion at Disneyland which was basically a buy one get one free ticket which was indeed a big savings from the regular price. So, we were able to save money by having those other ticket purchases fall through. I continue to be amazed how things do really work out for the best no matter what happens.

The tickets were secured and we loaded everything and everybody in the minivan. We were headed toward Disneyland. Disneyland is less than 60 miles from our house but this trip could take upwards of 2 hours or only 1 hour depending on the traffic. I thought leaving a little later would make more sense but for some reason we still hit the same amount of traffic. We had scheduled our day at Disneyland through a service called RideMax which specializes in providing a very detailed itinerary at both Disneyland and California Adventure.

Thankfully our very dear friend had allowed us to utilize this service and we had our day actually both days all planned out. This did require us to arrive at Disneyland at a required time which we were a little behind do to the traffic but we weren’t too far off schedule. However; as we entered the park I had asked for the itinerary and somehow this got left in the car. I didn’t want to return to the car but thankfully my wife and mother did make their way back to the car to retrieve the information. While they went back to the car I took the children to the first scheduled ride and we were off to a very fun filled day at the “happiest place on earth”.

The day progressed very well and there really weren’t any long lines to speak of. My daughter is a roller coaster and ride fanatic whereas my son is still getting his “feet wet” in this area as he seems to be very much like me when I was his age; very cautious. I told my son and daughter the story about my family’s trip to Disneyworld when I was 8 and how I got so worked up I didn’t go on Space Mountain since I was so scared. I didn’t want this to happen to my son so I had him all prepped as we entered Space Mountain. I could see the angst in his eyes but he was a trooper and made it on the ride. He seemed to like and of course my daughter had no problems whatsoever.

We hit all the popular rides; Pirates of the Caribbean, Jungle Cruise, Space Tours, Space Mountain, Big Thunder Railroad, Splash Mountain and others. The standard; Small World was closed and so was the Haunted Mansion. We did cover all the rides the children wanted to go on and we did take advantage of the Fast Pass on the Indiana Jones Attraction. My son was again a bit afraid of this ride but manage to get through without any incidents. The day went very well and we had time to go over to California Adventure. The unfortunate part about going to Disneyland after the holidays is the fact that the parks close very early but we were able to cover all the good rides at California Adventure. My son wanted no part of the big roller coaster and yes, my daughter loved every second. The entire family enjoyed the Toy Story attraction and as the park closed we had enough fun for the day.

Wee Hour Arrival

The night really didn’t end yesterday. We were expecting our visitor from the east aka “mom/grandma” and everyone were very excited. As I returned home from the GA meeting my cell phone rang and I looked it to notice that is was indeed “mom/grandma”. I thought to myself this couldn’t be good and as I answered I was looking for that ray of good news. No it wasn’t good news my mom had called to tell me her connecting flight in Denver was running 2 hours late and there wasn’t much news if this time allotment was indeed accurate. I could hear the frustration in my mother’s voice that always seems to have a great deal of angst when she travels because of these moments but as I reminded her before she departed all those things are out of her control.

Anyhow my mother was trying to figure out if there was an alternative flight to a different airport that would get her in prior to the wee hours of the morning. I gave her a rundown of the airports in our general vicinity and she tried to get on those flights to no avail. It appears the airline industry is running at capacity and finding empty seats was at a premium. There weren’t any seats open on any of those flights so my mother resided herself to wait out the delay. This pushed her arrival time into the wee hours of the morning and put a little damper on whether the children would accompany me to the airport. My son was very funny because he kept saying that he was going to make it but as the hours wore on he wore down! There wasn’t any doubt in my mind that my daughter wasn’t going to make it because she stays up until the wee hours so this wouldn’t be difficult for her.

I tried to get in a nap prior to going to the airport but I just really rested my eyes as did my daughter. My son was fast asleep and there was no waking him up nor did I want to wake him up. My daughter was ready to go and we set out to the airport in the wee hours of the morning. It was very cold as we headed out and it did feel a great deal like winter. The drive was very smooth because at this hour there wasn’t any traffic. I was surprised to see cars on the road but it would have been more eerie if there weren’t any cars at all.

My daughter was in the back seat content with watching a movie of her choice and true to form she did not fall asleep. I can’t remember the last time my daughter fell asleep in the car and she is so much like me when I was a child. I remember making those trips from New Jersey to Florida during our summer vacation and I along with my Dad would be the only ones awake in the car as the rest of the family was fast asleep. I don’t know what it was for me back then but I think I felt an obligation to stay up with my Dad as he drove since I didn’t want to miss anything. My daughter was indeed watching the movie but she did ask a few questions on the drive to the airport. She was looking forward to seeing her grandmother and I too was looking forward to seeing her as well.

We pulled into the airport and were a few minutes early so we had to wait. My daughter seemed concerned about where I was waiting and kept asking when we could move up. I assured her we were alright and a few minutes later grandma emerged from the terminal with bags in hand. Grandma looked great for having spent the last 12 hours traveling and spending 4 of those hours in the Denver airport. Upon me taking the bags Grandma hopped into the backseat to be near her granddaughter for the trip to our house. The trip home went well and grandma brought my daughter a surprise some fresh bread from her favorite restaurant in New Jersey. My daughter was very excited about the bread and she was certainly very excited to see grandma.

My daughter did get tired on the drive home and it was certainly very late or was it very early??? Whatever the case I too was a bit tired and ready to hit the sack when I got home. We got grandma home to our house safe and sound and the luggage was unpacked. We then all headed to our respective bedrooms for some sleep. Strangely enough I didn’t fall asleep right away and I just lay in bed waiting to fall asleep. Somewhere along the way I did fall asleep but I thought how great it was to have my mom here for a visit. We have a fun filled week planned and I am taking a few days off to take part in those fun filled festivities. Yes, we will be headed off to Disneyland tomorrow for the next two days and everyone is looking forward to that trip. The children are at the right age where they can go on all the rides for the first time in their lives and my daughter is the “roller coaster queen” and has her eye set on a few of those roller coasters. This is wonderful to think I have the opportunity to experience these incredible moments all thanks to recovery, WOW!!!

Gee That's Fascinating!!!!

It is good to be a fan again of sports. I lost that for so many years because of my compulsive gambling and last night I was a fan watching the football game between the San Diego Chargers and the Indianapolis Colts. I will admit I am not exactly a “fan” of the Chargers mostly because of the fans around here. I don’t want to make judgments but I will say that “fair weather” comes to mind. I am a big fan of Peyton Manning and did enjoy the game last night. I watched most of the game with my son and it was a very good game.

The Chargers played very well and did deserve the win. It was fun watching the game with my son and it is a far cry from the days where I would have to “fake” my interest in the game because I would have money on the outcome. This was a ridiculous way to live and thankfully in recovery I have found a positive purpose which does not constitute placing wagers on the outcome of some insignificant sporting event.

This morning was a very typical Sunday morning with the viewing of my usual CBS’ Sunday Morning Program with my wife and son by my side. This was followed with the usual pancake breakfast. My wife was very busy getting the house in order for our guest and the Christmas decorations have been safely put away out in the garage. The house looks different without all the Christmas decorations and it is so nice having the Christmas decorations out. It does add something to the household and adds to that special time of year. Christmas has come and gone but I still have a smile on my face knowing everyday in my life is Christmas morning. It is a gift to wake up with my family and thankfully as long as I follow the tenets in recovery this gift will keep on giving.

I read an article titled, “Study Finds Casino Glitz Doesn't Contribute to Problem Gambling“. This study conducted by the Iowa Gambling Task found that poor decision-making such as occurs with compulsive gambling is caused by a more general mental condition that may include a physiological problem in the brain. No shit!!!! (Sorry I couldn’t resist!!) This study was trying to see if there was a correlation between compulsive gambling and the glitz of gambling. Apparently after years of research the brains of compulsive gamblers (me!) are impaired with either physioligical or genetic defects. Whatever the case I can see from experience I made horrible decisions as I gambled compulsively and no bells or whistles were distracting me from making those stupid decisions!

The study went on to state that problem gambling only spotlights a condition with much deeper roots. I would agree as compulsive gambling is a just a symptom of bigger issue. In my case it all goes back to that poor decision making. I won’t belabor the point but I was incapable of making the right decision when faced with a moral dilemma. I didn’t even know it was a moral dilemma until all the dust had settled. Thankfully in recovery I realize there are choices and I do everything in my power to make the right choice.

Later this afternoon I did watch a little bit of the Minnesota Vikings Philadelphia Eagles football game in hopes of getting a glimpse of the New York Giants next opponent. I admit I was rooting against the Eagles because I think they pose a greater threat to the Giants than any other team in the league. The Eagles did prevail and this sets up a showdown with the Giants next week. That should be a fun game and as my son reminded me the Giants knocked off the Eagles 3-20 something last year and again according to my son the Eagles aren’t very good. I like his enthusiasm and he is a true Giants fan. The game should be fun and we shall see what happens next week.

This evening I made my way to my regular Sunday Gamblers Anonymous meeting. The attendance was much higher than previous weeks and I do chalk this up to it being January. If memory serves me correctly the attendance is much higher right after the holidays than other times of the year. This is much like how the gym is more crowded after the first of the year as people make their New Year’s resolutions. At the gym I notice this every year and after about a month the attendance is back to normal and this is not unlike at the meetings. Hopefully there will be some new members who stick around and see the tremendous value of the program and how it does save and enrich lives just like it does my own. The meeting was very good and the sharing very powerful. There was a new member and several returning members which makes it much better than the usual suspects. I am always grateful to be at a meeting and tonight was no exception. The meeting was very good and it does serve as a strong reminder to me that I am on the right road to recovery.

The Last Long Run

This morning would essentially mark the end of my training for the Arizona Marathon. I do have two weeks to go but those two weeks are easy/taper weeks readying myself for the marathon. Today would be a scheduled 20 mile run. As I try to qualify for the Boston Marathon I have upped my training from the past two marathons and this would be the 4th scheduled 20 mile run. I did very well on the first run, I didn’t do very well on the second 20 mile run as my calf was really hurting me and I had to finish out on the bicycle. I did exercise for 3 hours which is good but the mileage was less than 20. On the third 20 mile run I did very well doing 4 additional miles which was incidentally last week. Today I did make the 20 miles but had to struggle. I felt much better doing the 24 miles last week than I did doing the 20 miles today.

I started out well but never really found my “zone”. I normally find this “zone” around mile 9 but really struggled throughout the run. I noticed I was sweating more than normal and certainly more than last week’s run. It is amazing how much different a week could make in my running and I have to believe that my body had had enough totaling 125 miles for the two weeks. This is the most miles I have run ever and this includes my incarceration time. I was very happy to finish the run and I am not sure if I could have completed 6 more miles at this pace so I am a little concerned about the marathon.

I have researched the pace I need and I have also looked back at my pace times for the two previous marathons. In the marathon I ran in June I had no idea what I needed to qualify for the Boston Marathon until I completed the marathon. I was about 5 minutes shy of the qualifying time so I set my sights on this during the Long Beach Marathon in October. I was right on pace but realized around mile 23 that I would fall short. I didn’t push myself to reach that goal because I didn’t have much left. I was very happy with my time and I only missed qualifying by a minute and a half. During those two marathons I only ran more than 20 miles twice; now at least I have more miles in the bank and hopefully I can contain myself by not going out too fast.

I was very surprised as to how much I was sweating today and my water intake was very high as well. I couldn’t seem to get enough water and it did seem like running an actual marathon. Hopefully this was a good “dress rehearsal” and in the next two weeks my legs will be reinvigorated. I don’t know what will happen during the marathon I can only do my very best which is exactly what I will do. Five years ago I ran this same marathon and decided to stop around mile 15 as I passed my family standing on the sidelines. I do want to finish this marathon and it would be extra special if I would be able to come in around 3 hours and 20 minutes to qualify for Boston but no matter what happens I am completely blessed in all aspects of my life.

The run was over and I returned home feeling like I had run 20 miles. The decorations inside of the house were being put away and my job was to take the tree apart. It is certainly easier to take the Christmas tree apart as opposed to putting it together. Additionally; taking down the lights was a breeze as opposed to putting them on the tree!! My wife tried to find a new Christmas tree at one of the many after Christmas sales but to no avail. The tree we currently have has served its purpose and as I was taking it down I noticed that it is indeed falling apart. I think we can get next Christmas and who knows what will transpire over the next 11 months but I do know that life is so much more fun living one day at a time so I will “cross that bridge” when Christmas arrives.

The rest of the day was very relaxing and we have been readying ourselves for our guest. Yes, my mother is coming for another visit tomorrow and is staying the week. This was a scheduled visit for a long time and with the children off from school it will be a fun filled week. We will be going to Disneyland along with California Adventure this week and the children are really looking forward to this. The last time we were there was about 7 years ago when they were very young. They don’t remember much from that visit other than the photographs we have at home. My daughter and son have mapped out their rollercoaster rides and yes, it will be a great time.

Love in Abundance

The New Year has arrived and it is hard to believe 9 years has passed since the turn of the new century and the whole “Y2K” alleged hysteria. I think our New Year’s Eve as the century turned consisted of watching the “crazies” on television when we lived in Las Vegas. Of course our daughter at that time was 22 months old and we were not about to venture out that particular evening. Not a great deal has changed in that department as our New Year’s eve was indeed a home “family affair” but as the years progress and I progress in recovery there is so much more meaning to life than previous. Here it is the second day of the New Year and because of how the holiday fell this year I didn’t have much on my work agenda.

I made my way to the gym to pick up where I left off on my training regimen running 10 miles this morning. The 10 miles felt like a “walk in the park” as the miles continue to pile on. I had a very good run and a very good workout for that matter. My legs are to a point where they are more tired than anything and I think this is the purpose of this training regimen. I haven’t felt this tired in my legs in any of the previous training sessions for the past two marathons which could be good or could be bad; I’m not sure. My calves have gone through the sore stage and the soreness has dissipated considerably. The only malady I am feeling is the tiredness in the upper portions of my legs. Hopefully as the next two weeks will be taper weeks this feeling of tiredness will subside.

I had only one item on my agenda and apparently that person was also taking it easy this week so nothing got accomplished. My wife and I did start on taking down the Christmas decorations. Didn’t we just put these up??? Yes, time does fly and it was time to take the decorations down. We started on the outside of the house and it is amazing how quickly these come down as opposed to when I put them up. I did have to get out the ladder but if we are still in this same house next year all the hanging mechanisms are in place so the setup will be much faster than this year. What took two days to setup was taken down in a matter of an hour.

With the outside of the house complete my wife turned her attention to the inside of the house. I had prior plans of going to a birthday celebration within the Gamblers Anonymous Program. This program is incredible because I found myself with a very good friend in the program making an hour drive to this wonderful celebration. An incredible member within the program was celebrating their fourth year associated with GA. I had first met this member three years ago at their first year celebration and we have been fast friends ever since. This great member even spoke at our speaker’s meeting a few months ago and did a fantastic job.

We are very fortunate in our GA group to have a great website and on this website is all the information for our group. About a month ago I noticed that this birthday celebration would commence this evening and I wanted to make sure I would be in attendance. Of course my good friend in the program makes it a point to get to these types of celebrations and I was very fortunate to hitch a ride. We made the hour drive and that time passed as quickly as we talked about recovery. This good friend will be celebrating their 7th year in the program and is great member of GA. Our conversations flowed so easily and before I know it we had arrived.

It was a fantastic meeting and there were over 50 people in attendance. My friend in the program was sharing the celebration with another member who was also celebrating four years and I was so blessed to witness these two incredible members celebrate their birthdays. There were also two brand new members in attendance I hope those two people realized how special life becomes when embracing recovery. There was so much love in that room I had tears in my eyes. Compulsive gambling can destroy a person along with family and friends. However; in recovery especially the Gamblers Anonymous Program puts all the pieces back together and then some!! There was a great deal of this and then some in the room tonight. I did consider myself blessed to witness this love fest. I am so happy I attended the meeting and I know my life continues to be enriched every single day do to the Gamblers Anonymous Program and the incredible fellowship.

New Year's Day 2009

New Year’s Eve was indeed a great deal of fun. There was plenty of food, good times and most definitely lots of laughs!! We played games such as the “Battle of the Sexes” which was so good and the new version of “Password” which brought in the big laughs. Thankfully there weren’t any “unfortunate” accidents when the laughter came but I must admit I love those moments. I have a tendency of being a bit “dramatic” when giving my clues in the Password game and apparently this brought in some big laughs. There really wasn’t much time to play any other games and thankfully we had a Pictionary free evening!!! We didn’t need the game of Pictionary to bring in the laughs which it normally does mostly at my inability to draw anything that a normal person can recognize. We were indeed satisfied with the laughs brought by Password and yes, it was a wonderful time last night.

All of us didn’t get to bed until very late and I swear my daughter would stay up all night if she had her druthers. I do worry about her when she gets to college and her “late night” preferences. She certainly isn’t the morning person her brother seems to be and it is truly amazing how much alike yet how much different my daughter and son have become. My son falls asleep in a nanosecond where there are times I wonder if my daughter falls asleep before the sun rises! My son is up early in the morning and my daughter would rather pull the covers over her head and get up much later. This is so cool how different yet alike they have indeed become. They are both very good children and to the outside world very well mannered. Life is amazing and I am so grateful to finally be able to really get into these amazements.

This morning I found myself up much earlier than I even expected. I did sleep very well but woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. It wasn’t as if I had anything pressing on my mind I was just finished with sleeping. I didn’t want to wake anyone so I grabbed the headphones and switched on the television to watch the Rose Bowl Parade. I couldn’t take much of the parade so I turned the television off and headed downstairs. I surfed around the internet for awhile and then decided to do some writing. Before I started writing I looked at how much writing I have done over almost of four years since I started this blog.

As 2008 ended yesterday I had logged 358 entries which meant there were only 8 days in the year I did not post an entry. I am certain this is all part of my obsessive compulsive disorder but I am trying to channel some of this OCD into a positive manner and this certainly beats the days where I would peruse the internet searching for the best point spread.

This brings me to this very day New Year’s Day which I used to look so much forward to in the year’s past all because of my propensity to wager on just about anything. I would think if I could only hold on until New Year’s Day and then the sky would be the limit. However; as the years passed and I continued to gamble New Year’s Day became just like any other day. There just weren’t enough games to keep my progressively growing addiction at bay. It was obvious I had a problem but I wasn’t looking at a problem I was looking to propel this little fantasy life of mine. Thankfully three years, 10 months and 3 days ago I made my last wager and my life continues to improve. I don’t have to lie, cheat or steal anymore and this is truly a relief in every way possible.

After writing this morning I made my way upstairs where my wife and son were awake. I decided to go out for bagels and my son did join me. My son is such a sweet boy and he does get his way when he goes out with me. Yes, I bought him his chocolate and then some as we went for the bagels. I so enjoy talking with him in the car, in the grocery and when we are together. He is turning into a “little man” right before my ears and my wish for him is to stay as sweet as he is today as he grows up. Of course; I have no idea what is going to happen in the future which is why I enjoyed every moment of our time together today.

We didn’t do much of anything and with the children at our dear friends’ house my wife and I watched a movie. We watched “Charlie Wilson’s War” which I found quite fascinating. This is a movie was inspired by a true story and the acting by Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams was incredible. I was drawn to the story and I won’t go into the political discussion or the how loosely this was based on those true events but I can say it made a very good statement with me. It was a great day because before the movie we played a couple of board games with the children. We played “Sorry Sliders” and “Scrabble”. This was a wonderful way to start the New Year and yes, my life is wonderful!!