On the "Other" Side

I once again found myself arising from bed very early in order to make arrive at my appointment with plenty of time to setup. This was my first “solo” health fair with my new company in my new position. I have been to many of these health fairs over the years not as an exhibitor but as an attendee. These health fairs are a service of the employer for the employee and bring many health providers to the employee all in one area. In my previous “life” I didn’t think much about these health fairs because I would just cruise through picking up some of the interesting giveaways for my children never really paying attention to any of the exhibits.

I am a contrast in so many ways because my health has been very important to me for so many years as I have developed a fairly healthy diet along with a pretty good exercise routine. However; I would destroy myself with my compulsive gambling which I know took a toll on my body. Sure there isn’t a “substance” that enters the body much like there is with alcohol and drugs but I know I was not at my best while I was lying, cheating, stealing and gambling my brains out. I would use the exercise to blow off steam that had accumulated over the years. Now thankfully in recovery I am getting to be my best and it is no coincidence that my best marathon occurred back in June as I embrace recovery every day. I won’t make any predictions for my next marathon in two weeks but I will say my focus is so much better now in recovery as opposed to when I was not in recovery.

Today I was an exhibitor at a health fair and I was at a company that I was very familiar with since it was in my old industry. My gambling of choice was on the internet and it was predominately sports betting. I have been known to go into a casino over the years and having worked in that industry for over 12 years I sort of know how it operates but that didn’t preclude me from becoming a compulsive gambler. I knew enough to stay away from the casinos and to this day I have never gambled (nor do I intend to!) in a Native American casino inside and outside of California. This is yet another one of those contrasts as I am most certainly a compulsive gambler and once I discovered the anonymity of the internet I was hooked which led to some very bad things. It may have led to some very bad things but there is beauty in all of this and it is called recovery.

I was at the health fare as an exhibitor offering recovery to anyone who may have been interested. Talk about the proverbial “500 pound elephant in the room”. I didn’t give it much thought when I was setting up our booth but after I setup the booth I walked around the hall noticing all the other vendors and there was not one other recovery center in attendance. It didn’t take me long to figure why this was as it became evident no one wanted to enter our booth for fear of appearing to have a “problem”. This really was a tough venue for someone who may have been on the fence for treatment since all their peers were present. However; we were providing a service and those who came to the booth invariably had a loved one with a substance issue. I was able to give out our brochures and my business cards to more people than I first thought and who knows maybe somewhere down the line this will help someone.

One of the best contacts I made all day was the very nice person from a local university who was presiding over the booth adjacent to me. We talked about addiction and this seemed very personal to this person who had been affected by addiction over the course of their life. No, it wasn’t their own addiction but addictions by loved ones. Addiction is very personal yet affects some many more people than just the person battling their addiction. Whether it is gambling, alcohol, drugs, food, sex, etc, the addictions have a way of taking down those innocent by-standers. As we talked I assured this person that with the right treatment life does get better and I am a prime example. I didn’t go into detail of my situation but I gave the important facts which are gambling ruined my life but now recovery continues to save my life each and every day.

I do believe a person can recover from any addiction as long as that person admits they have a problem. In Gamblers Anonymous we read that a person will never recover if they don’t face squarely their addiction and I do believe this to be the case for any other addiction. There has to be willingness and I wasn’t willing for so long because I thought I was better than my addiction and the fact that I denied my addiction. Of course; I know now I was just living a lie and life isn’t about making that next bet it is about experiencing the wonderment in life and I am experiencing so much wonderment it is truly incredible. It was a wonderful day and hopefully someone will find our brochure along with what we spoke about helpful.

As I was driving home I spoke with a dear friend who is also in Gamblers Anonymous. This is a new dear friend and I learn so much from this person even though they have less time in GA than I have. This is the beauty of the program that someone with 40 years and someone with 4 hours of recovery can say something I can relate to. Today we had a very good conversation even though there were some very disturbing things happening in this friend’s life. I assured this dear friend that everything does have a way of working out and I do believe in karma. What goes around does come around and it works just like the “Power of Intention”.

As long as my intentions are positive and good there will be positive and good in my life. If I slip and intend negative actions I will receive negative consequences along with bad things that will happen. As long as I do my best the best will continue to happen and all those negative influences will go by the wayside. There are people in GA that “work” the program but the people who truly believe in the program are the ones who reap the most benefit, it is a great program and I am eternally grateful.