The 100 Man Class

I certainly slept much better last night than the previous night because I only got up once to go to the bathroom. The cold medication I received from one of the other instructors certainly worked much better. I not only slept better but my nose did stop running through the night. I was hoping to get a good night’s sleep because today was Day One of the 100 man PFT Class. I woke up a little before 6:00 am and now there are four members from my dorm in the class instead of two from the previous class. Interestingly enough none of them with the exception of my Bunkie asked me to wake them up. I did wake up my Bunkie and noticed the other three were waking up as well. One of them was eating his breakfast in the dorm because he needed a few hours for his food to digest prior to working out in order not to get sick. I thought this was a very good idea on his part and I too would like to employ this strategy but I have become accustomed to eating my hot cereal in the dining hall prior to the classes. Besides today was coffee cake and oatmeal day. I like to take the crumbs (cinnamon) and mix them into my oatmeal.

There was no need for early chow today because it was the first day of class so we all went to chow at the regularly scheduled time (9:10am). A quick aside - my Bunkie who is very young (lets say he could pass for being my son which really makes me feel old!) normally struggles to get to breakfast but not this morning he was the first one out the door. I think he was excited about the PFT class. This brings up an interesting point because I have noticed some inmates are not excited about the PFT class while others are very excited. In my opinion the PFT class should be a very exciting time because it marks the first serious step in getting to fire camp. There are so many positives about fire camp and nothing negative I can think of. I do realize that not everyone has half-time like I do so they are not entitled to the reduction in their sentences to one-third once they get to fire camp. Inmates who are serving 80 and 85 percent sentences cannot have their sentences reduced once they arrive at fire camp. However, the reduction of sentence is not the only positive about fire camp. The fact of the matter the inmate is being trained to become a fire fighter for the California Department of Forestry and is no longer considered an inmate of the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation. This in and of itself is very positive and each inmate is learning a very valuable and productive skill. Yet many inmates don’t take the training very seriously which is unfortunate.

I did make my way to breakfast for the coffee cake, oatmeal and hardboiled eggs (which I couldn’t give away fast enough!) also on the tray was a green apple which I adeptly tucked under my sweatshirt in order to eat it later. The C/O who searches everyone as they exit the dining hall knows me very well since I started my vegetarian meal. He is the one who gives me my “special” (mostly peanut butter and jam but sometimes the yucky cheese sandwich) lunch. The C/O is extremely nice to me maybe due to the vegetarian lunch and wearing the “PFT Instructor” uniform. Whatever the case he has never searched me. Up until these past two days he has no need to search me for “absconded” fruit but after speaking to the lead instructor I realized I needed more fruit in my diet. The only way for me to have more fruit in my diet is to take it (I guess it is stealing, please forgive me) out of the dining hall. The lead instructor gave me some “pointers” on getting the fruit out of the dining hall. I must say having a banana yesterday and today having an apple at lunch did make a difference. It truly is a shame we cannot have fruit because some inmates use this fruit to make pruno. I guess one bad apple does spoil the lot!

After breakfast I made my way directly to the basketball court where everyone was lining up for the start of the PFT class. As I was waiting for the class to start many of the “students” were coming over to me and the other instructors with questions. It was very nice to answer their questions and encourage them. For the most part a vast majority of the students had positive attitudes regarding the class. Of course there were some “sour apples” who were being negative about everything. I don’t let them get me down in fact I try to offer them words of encouragement and hope some of it sticks. Being in this class is a privilege. Some of the students understand this while others may never understand. This will not deter me in encouraging everyone in the class. I do have a rewarding position and I won’t let those “sour apples” bring me down.

Prior to class starting the “Coach” had a meeting with all the instructors. In this meeting he discussed his philosophy and the class’ philosophy. It was a very interesting and enlightening meeting. The “Coach” is very demanding but he has every right to. He has a great philosophy which unfortunately is not shared with the rest of the prison system’s staff. The “Coach” will not turn a blind eye to anything which is the right way. His job is to ensure everyone who graduates from the PFT class can function as a firefighter. He has failed students for what may seem like trivial reasons yet are very meaningful. This class of 100 men poses some challenges for the “Coach” and he does have an assistant (due to the large number of students). Unfortunately his assistant is not exactly qualified because he is a Math Teacher. Please don’t get me wrong, his assistant is a very nice man but according to him he has no idea why he is even out there. I spent a few minutes speaking with him when I found out he was a math teacher and in his six months with the prison system he has had four different jobs. I guess that is how it goes in the California Prison system but the opportunity available here at the Sierra Conservation Center is certainly an excellent one for the inmates.

During the meeting the head instructor gave us our assignments. Originally he split the instructors into two groups with all the experienced instructors in one group and the lesser experienced ones (me included) in the other group. He initially gave me the lead in my group but the “coach” made him switch up the teams giving my group at least one experienced instructor. The lead instructor had initially put the experienced instructors together because they were “student/instructors” and he thought they needed to be altogether. The “Coach” did tell him this was unnecessary and he switched them up. I was honored for my short-lived tenure as leader of my group and I do know when the three instructors who are technically students in the class depart my responsibilities will increase.

One interesting item the “Coach” discussed during our meeting was the role of the instructors during the PFT class. Interestingly enough he referred to the class as “Switzerland” which means the class is neutral when it comes to prison politics. During the first day this concept was clearly evident because I can speak with any student no matter their race, creed, or color. This may sound like not much but inside these four walls it is very welcomed. The great part of this is everyone inside of the class buys off on the concept. Some may not like it but for the most part everyone does understand.

The class started off a bit rocky because they couldn’t perform jumping jacks and were punished with running two laps. It seems none of the students like running but I on the other hand actually do like running and most of them know this. My comment was the “Coach” means business so we will be running laps all day long which I love to do so it is entirely up to you guys to learn the proper techniques. They finally did get the jumping jacks down and went onto the other exercises. The class is divided up into two 50 men segments and I was assigned to the group which does include my dorm mates. I would have preferred this not to be the case but I will deal with it the best I can. Like I mentioned I can’t play favorites and won’t. Hopefully they will understand this but if they don’t then so be it.

We seemed to do a great deal of power walking and running for the first day covering 5 miles between the two types. Most of the students weren’t ready for this and really struggled. It is my job to encourage them so they can get through the 9 day class. It is amazing how much self-doubt goes through their minds but if they stick with it and try their best they will be very surprised at the results. There are those that are just completely out of shape and will need more than the 9 days to get into shape. The “Coach” will recognize these students right away and I am sure he will bring them back for another class. However; a good majority of the students need to understand that 80% of their training is mental and once they realize this they will be able to pass. This is my job without being to rah-rah or Polly Anaish. The students who I know I do tell them about the mental aspects and how to overcome it. Hopefully they will listen because if the don’t they will have to retake the class.

The 9 day class is physically demanding but it is designed not only to physically wear down the students it is designed to break their will. They cannot allow this and must continue forward. Many of the students (who by the way are very young early 20’s) were complaining of side aches and cramps. I do understand people get these but they were carrying on way too much without stopping for it to be so bad. Unless they are about to collapse there is nothing I can do except move forward which is what I encourage them to do. I can’t emphasize it enough how fortunate I am to obtain this position because it is truly a rewarding job. I do get some strange looks when I offer my words of encouragement but hopefully in 9 days time the students will understand.

I was hoping to be the lead pacer for the walks and runs but the “Coach” wanted to use one of the student/instructor so he could “work them to death”. I was content with the back pace and calling out the five orders. In spite of the cold my voice was still very strong and one of my dorm mates said I sounded like a drill instructor. I wasn’t going for the drill instructor; I was just trying to be heard. It does make a difference when the students hear the cadences and reply in a like manner. It helps motivate them and it also takes their minds off the exercises of power walking and jogging.

The class started at a little past 8:00 am and ended at 1:30 pm. This effectively took up my entire day and boy did it go by so very fast. The lead instructor turned to me at the end of the class and asked me how I liked my job. My replay, “I love it and couldn’t have asked for anything better.” He agreed wholeheartedly but he (like me) is an exercise “freak” and today was his first real day as the sole lead instructor because the other lead instructor is leaving at the middle of next month. He was having a hard time not participating in any of the power walks or runs. He really wants to be a “hands-on” lead instructor but the size of his class needs a central lead instructor to coordinate all activities. I know he is having a hard time adjusting to his non-participating role but he will be fine. It is interesting because the two of us are a great deal alike in our exercise freakdom and it is nice to know I am not the only one like this. The day ended so quickly and I decided not to do any of my own exercises. I headed back to the dormitory for a luke warm shower and to do some writing. All in all I have been very fortunate in this journey and know no matter what happens I am definitely on the right track.

Food And A Cold

In terms of dinner and my cold this has been a difficult week. Normally one or two dinners do not contain rice or beans but this week it seems every dinner is lacking these side dishes. This is not completely accurate because the dinner on Monday night and tonight did contain beans but they both had meat in them rendering them ineligible for my tray. The dinner last night was some kind of beef stew which was lacking rice or beans. I was given my standard issue of two tubes of peanut butter to go along with the lone baked potato on my tray. I did ask for an additional baked potato but the kitchen supervisor told me she is not supposed to give out additional side dishes. I was not going to push the issue so I just said thank you and took my tray.

Tonight the dinner was hot dogs with chili beans. The chili beans did contain meat so I was given zucchini (double helping which I guess was okay as long as it is not a baked potato) and the two tubes of peanut butter. I wasn’t sure if I was going to go to dinner because I knew there would be very little on my tray. I did go but was left disappointed and hungry. I did not eat lunch today. Well that is not entirely true because I did have a banana (which I had to sneak out of the dining hall at breakfast in order for me to have it later in the day because my lunch never contains any fruit) and a graham cracker at lunch time so I guess I did have lunch. Of course, I was hungry after dinner so I made a peanut butter and jam sandwich after returning.

I received some good news today when I found out that the package my wife sent did indeed arrive. Now the trick will be retrieving from the package pick-up area. An attempt was made this morning to retrieve the package but it was unsuccessful. I was hoping because it is very late in the quarter and not many other inmates will have packages to pick-up so it can be retrieved rather quickly. Once I do get this package I become more selective with going to dinner because lately it has been pointless. The nutritional offerings to me the vegetarian are non-existent and peanut butter can only go so far. One shining light on dinner is next week the Marinara Pasta and Vegetarian Pizza are on the menu. I have had this once here before and it was fairly terrible but edible. More importantly that particular meal did fill me up. I was actually given more pasta by a fellow inmate because he could not eat it due to acid reflux condition. I happily ate it not because it tasted good but for the additional calories.

Enough of my eating or rather lack of eating habits, onto my current cold. Yes, I did take some cold medicine last night which did dry up some parts of my system with the two exceptions of my nose and I had to get up every hour on the hour to go to the bathroom. This is a very normal side effect for me when I take cold medication and no, I can’t seem to explain why my throat feels very dry yet I continue to go to the bathroom and my nose still runs. It is yet another anomaly of how my body operates. Needless to say I did not have a restful sleep. Also it was freezing last night and I slept in my sweatpants, sweatshirt, and socks for the second night in a row. I was also under two wool blankets but I was still cold (I think the coldness had something to do with my going to the bathroom so often along with the cold medication.) When it was time for me to get out of my bunk this morning I wasn’t feeling all that well but I knew I should get up and see how I felt as the morning progressed. The temperature was 33 degrees (which may sound balmy to my friends in the Great White North but to me this is very cold) as I walked to breakfast this morning. Thankfully the PFT class does not start until tomorrow so I didn’t need to go right outside after breakfast; I returned back to the dormitory after breakfast and laid down for 45 minutes. My nose was still running and I could definitely feel a sinus headache. I took some ibuprofen for the headache which seemed to alleviate some of the pressure.

Now it was time for me to go to work and I know my body well enough to know I just wasn’t up to any physical activity this morning. One of the advantages of being an instructor for the PFT Plus class is that I don’t actually have to exercise if I don’t want to, I can instruct. I asked the lead instructor if I could instruct and he was more than happy to have me lead the class. The class only takes 30 minutes and when I was over I was feeling much better. Maybe it had to do with being outside and after the class I know I had to exercise. My cold is strictly above my neck in my nose and sinus cavity. I do know as long as my illness stays above the neck I can workout. When it gets into the chest and lungs working out is certainly not advised. I did a very good workout and I sweated some of the cold out. After this I headed back to the dorm so I could rest up for the afternoon session. This is where I had the banana and graham crackers for lunch. I also read some more of my book.

Lunch time was over and I went back outside for the afternoon session. I was feeling better and wanted to workout in the class. However, the lead instructor wanted all the new instructors to observe the class as a training tool. We all observed but I did take part in the run. Again, the class was over in 30 minutes and I knew I had to exercise more. I was thinking about running but the cold winds were blowing so I settled on doing and hour and half of the Harvard Steps which breaks down to 45 minutes per leg. I got a great sweat by leaving on my sweatpants and sweatshirt. An interesting thing happened while I was about half way into the Harvard Steps, my nose stopped running. Probably because all of the water in my body was coming out in other areas. I did in fact feel very good while doing this exercise.

The class list was posted for the new PFT class which starts tomorrow. It is a very large class with 100 men. This is double the normal class of 50. A few of the inmates who arrived with me from the reception center are in the class including my “bunkie”. (This makes me wonder had my medical clearance not gone smoothly would I too be in the class, oh well I will never know.) In fact including my “bunkie” there are four inmates from my dorm who are also in the class. The favors and questions have already started from my dorm mates. One of my dorm mates wants to give me a signal (a certain whistle) when he feels I am going too fast during the power walk. Another dorm mate (who is very nice by the way) was asking me about special clothing because he is very tall. (All the participants receive “PFT” engraved shorts, sweats, and tee shirts.) I very politely answered these two questions and the fact of the matter is there is no way I can show favoritism to anyone. I can’t slow down because some one whistles; I have an exact pace time to maintain. I must maintain this pace or the “Coach” would be very upset with me. As much as I would like to help my other dorm mate I cannot. If I start looking for special clothes for him what about the 99 other participants. I told him we will make it work and find clothing which fits him after all the clothes are given out.

Another interesting fact about the upcoming class is three of the instructors are in the class. I found this out today; even though I am an instructor I am not per se exempt from the PFT class, I must be part of the class on paper but I can still function as an instructor. Essentially these three will function as student/instructors. This also means we are losing them after this class and my responsibilities will increase. Another fact about one of the instructors in the class is that he has only been an instructor for one month and even though he verbally agreed to the four month commitment the “Coach” can not keep his name off the PFT class list. In other words; when his name comes up for the PFT class he must take part and the “Coach” has no say so. Also, because he did not fulfill his four month commitment he cannot select his fire camp. I was happy to find this out because presumably when I do finally receive medical clearance I won’t have to wait four months before moving forward. This means if it is less than four months I cannot select the fire camp which is fine because it means I can get to fire camp sooner. Of course all of this is predicated or me receiving medical clearance.

Tomorrow is Day One of the PFT class and thankfully I am feeling better. I was given a sinus pill by one of the other instructors which seemed to help better than the one I was given last night. The weather is supposed to be even colder tomorrow morning (temperature in the high 20’s) so it should be an interesting day. Also, due to the large size of the class and the fact that we are short instructors I should be very busy which is always good. Being busy truly makes the days go by faster. Today was a perfect example because when I woke up I really didn’t want to do anything, but I forced myself to go outside and do my job. Before I knew it my day was over and it was time to go to sleep. Routines are very good and I am happy to have found a good routine.

Bound To Happen

After finishing an hour and fifteen minutes on the Harvard steps (with a brief four minute interlude due to the “yard alarm” sounding – I guess I need to explain the “yard alarm”. It is a siren which goes off from time to time for various reasons but mostly has to do with altercations with inmates and false alarms. When this alarm/siren sounds and I am out in the yard I must stop what I am doing and lay face down on the ground. This is so the C/Os in the tower can easily see what is going on in the yard and if they need to shoot they have a clear line of sight. I have yet to see a C/O shoot from the tower (I sure hope I never have to experience this) or for that matter have I seen them use the pepper spray (there have been a few almost occasions). Getting back to the shooting from the tower – from what I understand no bullets are utilized rather pieces of wooden blocks. These shots are meant to knock the inmates down, not kill them. These alarms have gone off occasionally but I have yet to see an inmate altercation here. I made my way to the telephone. I called my wife and did in fact speak with her. I also spoke with my daughter and son. I spoke with my daughter first and the very first words she spoke were “Daddy I miss you”, which made my heart drop. After she said this I instantly said, “I miss you too.” I certainly miss her so very much as well as missing my wife and son. I only spoke with my daughter for a minute because the telephone time is so precious but in this minute I realized how fast she is growing up. Each time I speak with her it seems she gets more and more mature. She told me about how they (my wife, mother-in-law aka Grandma, and my son) put up the Christmas tree over the Thanksgiving weekend and she was able to put the angel on top of the Christmas tree. I do remember over the years having to hoist my daughter up in order for her to put the angel on top of the tree. Not only have I missed this but now my daughter can do this by herself, oh my!

After speaking with my daughter it was my son’s turn and he too is getting more mature. He told me he is going to be an angel in the school Christmas play and his sister is going to be a shepherd. Of course I will miss this and hopefully someone can capture this on videotape so I can watch it at a later point. They both sounded good and seemed to be settled into their new environment. Things are moving along nicely and I am so blessed to have such a loving and caring family. Finally I spoke with my wife and she is still tying up loose ends with my case. It seems as if the case will never end until I complete my parole period. There are a few unanswered questions as I approach my release date (which is in the year 2008) and hopefully I will have an attorney who can answer those questions. This is still quite a ways away but I do need to have all my affairs in order well before this happens. I believe it is never too early to start planning. As always it was great to hear my wife’s voice and we have seemed to have worked out a weekly call. Each week it will be on either Monday or Tuesday because I can sign-up on Saturday or Sunday. I am not crazy about having to call my wife only once a week but more then this gets a bit sticky. There are too many unknown variables to try and call more than once a week so we will see how the once a week telephone call works out.

As I finished up the call I walked back to the dormitory. As I walked I felt very cold because now my sweat had dried and the low 50 degree temperature was chilling my bones. (It really does seem I can only get warm when I am working out when the temperature is this cold, maybe due to the fact that I have 3% body fat because I am always cold when not working out.) I also felt my throat swelling up and my nose was starting to run. I had the strange throat feeling when I woke up and instantly knew what it was. It was bound to happen that I should get a cold being in such a confined area with many other inmates who spread germs. It has only been 4 ½ months since my sentencing day and I was hoping to stay cold-free a little longer but this did not happen. As an aside, I have been exposed to other inmates who had colds in the county jail and at this reception center but I did not get sick. However, here there are quite a few inmates with colds so It was certainly inevitable.

I have all the symptoms of my usual type of cold which are scratchy throat and runny nose. I do also have a slight headache which I am sure is a sinus headache. Unfortunately, I cannot run down to the local Walgreen’s and purchase some cold medicine nor can I run out to the local medical center for a quick diagnosis. I have to improvise as what most other inmates who get sick do. I am not sick enough - yet - to get an emergency ducat to the medical office. I would have to request an appointment which takes 7 to 10 days and hopefully by that time the cold has gone away. I have to rely on the kindness of my fellow inmates. I asked a few of my dorm mates if they had any cold medication. One of them was able to secure me two chloritrenitron like capsules which are dispensed by the doctor. I checked the capsule and the label thoroughly prior to taking them because I don’t want to take something which I don’t need. Normally if I take a cold medication early enough into the cold my cold usually only lasts a couple of days, yesterday was the first day I felt the cold coming on so I should be okay in a few days. I will continue drinking lots of water (the only fluid available to me) and the cold should pass soon enough.

I was able to sleep restfully after taking the capsule but my nose is still running. I made it through the night but the cold was still making its journey through my body. I wanted to hold off on taking the second capsule until this evening but my nose was dripping like a leaky faucet. I did take the second one prior to the morning PFT Plus class. This second capsule did nothing to stop my nose from running but I still went outside to work. Fortunately, the yard was delayed due to fog (again) and the PFT Plus class got a very late start. The temperature is still in the low 50’s so I bundled up properly. I had my sweat pants over my shorts and I had on a thermal undershirt underneath my sweatshirt. I also had on a wool hat. I kept all of these clothing items on while I was doing the class. I was hoping to sweat out the cold. I did feel better after the class but my nose was still leaking. I went back out for the afternoon session dressed the same way. Again, I was able to get through the entire exercising and felt better when it was over but again my nose was still running. Normally after the afternoon PFT Plus class I do my own exercises but I was listening to my body and it told me to go inside and take a hot shower. I would have liked to continue to sweat out the cold but the only type of exercise which would provide this is running. I did not want to endure any high impact aerobics so I passed on the running and went back to the dormitory.
This cold is only temporary but I have to be careful not to make it worse. Yes, I am an exercise “freak” but I do know better when I get these types of colds. I want this to pass as soon as possible because Thursday starts the new PFT class and I want to be healthy for it. The only things I can do are rest and drink lots of water. Also, I have been extremely hungry over the past two days but have very little food to eat. Is the saying “starve a fever but feed a cold”, or is this vice versa. If it is indeed starve a cold I should be in good shape because I am starving. I think I have covered this subject adequately over the past few days but I forgot to mention I do have a package which was sent by my wife and it does contain food. Unfortunately, the California Prison System in no longer accepting personal packages and only accepts packages from approved companies. Equally unfortunate is I am not the typical inmate and my dietary needs are different than most. I would rather have healthy food as opposed to junk food which puts me at a disadvantage.

This brings me to last night’s dinner which was again supposed to be the filet of fish sandwich with macaroni and cheese. I had no desire to go to dinner because I know I would receive a double order of the macaroni and cheese which I do not eat. However, one of my dorm mates goes to early dinner and reports back on the evening’s meal. He came back and said they weren’t serving the fish but a chili hamburger also with the macaroni and cheese. For some reason I got talked into going by one of my dorm mates even though I knew I would get the double macaroni and cheese. Sure enough as I approached the very nice C/O and requested the vegetarian tray, I was handed a tray with two helpings of macaroni and cheese. I was able to get two tubes of peanut butter so I did make myself a peanut butter sandwich at dinner. I did make my dorm mates sitting at my table very happy by giving them the ample serving of macaroni and cheese (maybe that is why I got talked into going to dinner?) I had to make a soup after dinner for two reasons; one, I was hoping the soup would help me with the cold and two; I needed more calories for the day. I am not sure if the soup helped with the cold but it did help fill me up.

Between The Rain Drops

I have always enjoyed having Sunday as my off day from working out especially when I was training for a marathon. If I can help it I would like to maintain this throughout my time served. I normally do a long run on Saturdays and need Sunday to recuperate. As I reported I ran 15 miles on Saturday so I needed Sunday as a day off. An interesting thing has occurred or I have increased my running mileage since I arrived here at Sierra Conservation Center over 5 weeks ago; even though I ran 15 miles on Saturday I had no soreness whatsoever on Sunday. My feet have certain aches but this is to be expected due to the hardness of the track but my legs and knees feel great. It is good to take a day off from exercising in order for my body to recuperate. In the past I would normally take a second day off (usually Thursday) but due to my job I workout Monday through Friday. I will make either Wednesday or Thursday a light day in order for my old bones to recuperate.

Yesterday was morning yard and it was a gray overcast sky with the smell of snow in the air. It did smell like snow (at least to me) but it wasn’t cold enough with the temperatures in the 40’s. It certainly felt cold to me (I have no idea how I will make it on the East Coast because my blood has definitely thinned out but I suspect I will adapt). The only thing I had to do was make a telephone call at 10:15 am but before this I did need to take care of some administrative matters. I sent a note to my counselor inquiring about the paperwork which was supposedly sent to the county to clarify one of my charges. I wanted to ensure this was indeed sent and if so I wanted to know if there was a response. Also, I filled out yet another “store ducat” (my fourth one!) just in case my money has been transferred from the reception center so I could finally get to the store next week. I won’t know if I am approved until one week from Tuesday, this is getting very frustrating but another event completely out of my control.

As I was filling these forms out in the yard an inmate approached me. This inmate did not look familiar to me but as he approached he was very polite and said he needed to ask me a question. I said sure he could ask me anything. He proceeded to ask me about running. When he first started talking I thought he was in the Physical Training Class but as he went on it became evident he was not, he just wanted some information on running. As it turns out he has tried to keep up with me when I am running (his words not mine) and wanted some training advice. I was extremely honored he was asking me these questions and I spent a few minutes answering. His basic concern was with his breathing (while running) and how he could get faster. The first question about his breathing is a very common question I have received from many other inmates. My response is always the same and it starts with a question. I ask them how they are breathing right now and go from there. My premise is to get them to relax and not think about their breathing when running; I encourage them to breathe normally. As for the second part about getting faster I gave this inmate a training technique called speed internal running. I think I did some good with this conversation and I felt like I contributed something.

I guess because I am running a great deal (some inmates say constantly) I have been deemed the guru. I am far from that but I always try to answer any questions thrown at me. I am in a great position because I am an instructor and many inmates do seek me out for answers. The second side to this is I am always working out and in this environment nothing is a secret. I am doing what comes naturally and practically all the inmates I encounter seemed to be encouraged by my exercising habits. I would like to say I am leading by example but I am not exercising to lead, I am exercising to feel better about myself. Because this environment is so open (for lack of a better term) it seems everyone is watching me and some inmates want to emulate. How does the saying go, “imitation is the most sincere form of flattery” and I am certainly flattered. I am also humbled because it seems everyone who approaches me aspires to do better. I hope what I tell them helps because they certainly help me with their very flattering words.

This brings to mind a television movie I saw over 25 years ago. The name of the movie was “Jericho Mile” and starred Peter Straus of “Rich Man Poor Man” fame. This movie was about an inmate (Peter Straus) who was a runner. I don’t remember why he was incarcerated but I do remember something about a murder. Nevertheless, Peter Straus’s character would run on the yard everyday and as each day passed more and more inmates took notice. As it turns out he was trying to break the record for the mile and at the end of the movie he does it with all the inmates cheering him on. The last scene is of him throwing his stopwatch over the prison wall as he breaks the record. I have no idea why this movie has stuck with me all these years but it has. Please make no mistake I am not going to break any records but I do feel special when I am asked questions. Also, I don’t expect anyone to cheer me on but I have received so many “marathon man”, “go getten”, and “keep going” calls as I run which brings a smile to my face all the time.

After the conversation I made my way over to the telephones. While I was waiting I saw some familiar inmates and chatted for awhile. It is quite funny because two of these inmates have given me food in the past two weeks and were wondering when I was going to the “store”. Yes, they were looking for their “payback” because all of their food was gone. Unfortunately, I had to inform them that I was not going to the “store” this week and was hoping for next week. Apparently food from the “store” does not last long. I do find these somewhat amazing because most inmates buy in excess of 100 soups yet they are gone in two weeks. Some of these inmates use the soups as cash while others eat 3 and 4 per day. I try to limit my soup intake to 1 every other day which is why I still have some left. When I finally do go to the store I will take care of these inmates because they have been very kind to me.

I was able to make my telephone call but my wife was not at home when I called. My standby was my dear mother and she was home. I did speak with her but the time went by so fast I am not sure if we actually discussed anything. Fifteen minutes is not enough time when I only speak to my mother every few weeks so we usually fly from topic to topic. I do remember discussing Thanksgiving and telling her mine basically was terrible but there is nothing I can do about it other than just deal with it. I didn’t mean this in a negative way, it was just my reality. The holidays will suck (sorry) because I am not with my family but I won’t let this deter me from my greater good which is getting through my current situation a better person. We ended our conversation so very fast and even though I have resided 3,000 miles away from my mother for over the past 12 years I miss talking to her so much, we used to email constantly along with the telephone calls and I miss that. Yes, this is only a temporary situation and I need to keep reminding myself of this over and over again.

The telephone call ended and I made my way back to the dormitory for the unlock. All I wanted to do was relax and take it easy. I did this yesterday and I also joined the “fellas” in the television area for the San Diego Chargers against the Oakland Raiders football game. Normally I try to stay away from Sunday football and stay on my bunk but I was more interested in watching my dorm mate’s reaction during this game. There are Charger fans and there are Raiders fans in the dorm. It is a 60/40 split with the Charger fans having the advantage. Amazingly enough the game was close but more amazing were the reactions from both teams fans. Everyone was very respectful and nothing got out of control. I even found myself discussing a particular call by the referees during the game. The call was very controversial and I was trying to add my very objective opinion but as soon as I opened my mouth I realized my point fell on deaf ears. This was fine and I went back to watching the game and my dorm mates. The Chargers did pull off a close victory and most of the dorm was happy. It was a very interesting way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

The dinner last night was cheeseburgers. This meal does me no good in two areas. My vegetarian meal precludes the hamburger and my non-dairy diet prohibits cheese. However; I am at the mercy of the kitchen supervisor who gave me four slices of American cheese in lieu of the hamburger. I have been told I need to speak regarding my actual diet restrictions but I don’t want to make waves so I took the tray and moved on. I did give away the four slices of cheese and made a lettuce sandwich. It seems with meals where there is no rice or beans I seem to be left hungry. This only happens twice a week so I will grin and bear it and not make a scene. The C/O and the kitchen staff have been very nice to me and I don’t want to push it. I did make one of my soups with carrots so I was full when I went to sleep.

I woke up a little after 5:00am and peered outside to see if the rain which started last night had stopped. The rain had indeed stopped but the sky was very foreboding. I so wanted to get back into my routine and was hoping the rain would hold off. The unlock for early breakfast never came even though the far left and far right dorms received this unlock but we did not. The regular unlock came and it started to pour down rain. On my way to the dining hall I passed the “Coach” (who had returned from vacation) and the two lead instructors. I asked them if we were going to have class today and the “Coach” responded “if it stops raining”. The rain had not stopped while I was eating breakfast and continued as I walked back to the dormitory. It finally stopped raining around 9:00 am and I had my doubts we would have class because today was test day for the students and the conditions weren’t very good.

However, at a little past 10:15 am the C/O came to the dorm and asked for all the PFT participants and gave us an unlock. We were going to have class today and I was very excited to get back into the routine. I did peer into the sky which was mixed with dark and light clouds. I was hoping we could get the entire test in between the rain drops. We were able to do that before the rain started again. This being test day the instructors participation was very limited because it is the “Coach’s” decision as to who passes and fails solely. It works out so much better this way. I did participate in the four mile power walk and my pace has gotten considerably better from last week. By the way the tests consists of the following, 4 mile power walk in 52 minutes – each participant must walk at this pace or they fail, 5 minutes on each leg on the Harvard wall, one minute hang on the pull-up bar, 35 burpees, 35 push-ups, 35 crunches, 150 mountain climbers and 9 minute mile run – all of these exercises are performed in that order – it really is an easy test because the training is so much harder. After the power walk I mostly observed only to call out one round of the mountain climbers. By this time it was time for the PFT Plus class in the afternoon. One of the lead instructors took me and another instructor to lead this class. The Monday class of PFT Plus is relatively easy and I barely broke a sweat. This class only takes 25 minutes and was done before the regular PFT class was complete. As it turns out 6 people failed the PFT class which means they will have to retake the class when it starts again on Thursday. The PFT class started with 50 participants two weeks ago and 40 passed. The other four withdrew during the previous week due to medical reasons.

As the test was going on I was observing the “Coach”. I have mentioned this before that the “Coach” has a bad reputation with some of the inmates because he truly cares about his job. He will not pass any inmates who cannot handle his training class because he fears for their well being when they are fighting a forest fire. Today the “Coach” was more intense then I have seen him at any other time. He observed each inmate on the class very intently as they performed their exercise. It is obvious he truly cares about his job and it is unfortunate some of the inmates don’t understand this. Fighting fires is no joke and should not be taken lightly and the “Coach” tries to instill this. Sometimes these fire fighters go on 25 to 50 miles hikes with 30 pound backpacks while fighting forest fires so the inmates must be in shape. The “Coaches” job is to ensure all the candidates he passes on to the next phase are in shape and if they are not they stay behind. I do admire the “Coach’s” intensity and passion. I am very glad the rain held off long enough to finish the test.

When everything was finished I started in on my exercise routine. I did an hour and 15 minutes of the Harvard Wall. As I was doing this it started to rain but having this horrible obsessive compulsive disorder I did not want to stop. I trudged on as all the other inmates on the yard scrambled for shelter from the rain. The rain picked up but I saw a break in the clouds and knew it was going to stop. (I may have been rationalizing a little!) Fortunately I was correct and the rain did stop. As I continued on one of the lead instructors (the one who is equally obsessed with exercising as I am) came over to me and very playfully called me a “freak”. (By the way he was working out on the pull-up bars during the rain so he is equally a “freak”.) Yes, I am a “freak” when it comes to exercise but believe it or not it is returning my sanity especially in a place like this.

A Pattern

It is fairly obvious that a pattern has developed which is very simple. The pattern is when I am busy, I have less time to think about my surroundings and the days pass quickly. When I am not busy, the opposite holds true. Thankfully, my job keeps me busy Monday through Friday (with the exception of this past week due to the Thanksgiving Holiday) and those days are productive and pass rapidly. The weekends are truly the toughest part of my time away because I am nowhere near as busy and have more time to think about many things. I suspect this pattern will continue throughout my term. I just can’t let my down days – in both the physical and mental state – overwhelm my up days. These past four days have been exceedingly difficult but there is not one darn thing I can do about it. I have time which I must serve over the next year and a half. This time covers some significant family holidays but “it is what it is.”

I am not going to sit here and write lies. This blog is about maintaining my accountability and truth. Missing the Thanksgiving Holiday with my family sucks (sorry about that) but it is part of my punishment. I am a criminal no matter the circumstances surrounding my law breaking and criminals are punished. There are varying degrees of punishment and my situation could have been better but by the same token, it could have been worse. Missing two years worth of family holidays is enough punishment for me. However, in order for me not to repeat the mistakes of my past, I need a Program of Recovery. I was very fortunate to find this program before I entered prison. Had I not found the GA Program, prison would have only exasperated my problems. Now I know how to deal with everyday events without compounding the problem.

The biggest factor in my compulsive gambling addiction was boredom. I fell into the same trap over and over again due to my inability to cope with this problem of boredom. There have been many times over the past four months that I have been bored but not once did I have the inclination to place a wager. The reason for this is the GA Program which has shown me a much better way to live. When I get bored, I find other outlets such as reading, writing, and exercising. Yes, I have always been an exercise fanatic even when I was gambling excessively; however that was my way of getting away from my insanity. I was on the right track but I couldn’t break free of my addiction until I was completely honest with myself. I am a compulsive gambler and my life has become completely unmanageable. The second part of this sentence is very critical because I thought I could manage anything but I only fooled myself into my current situation. All of my actions when I was gambling obsessively lead me to where I sit right now – prison. If I don’t learn from this, I never will.

My brain has a tendency to forget all the bad things in the past and this is okay because I can’t dwell on them. However, it is not okay in 10 years when my life is seemingly normal for the first time in a very long time to think I can place an occasional wager. I have proved I cannot do this because it will only lead to horrible events. The GA Program speaks of three things which happen to compulsive gamblers – prison (I’m here), insanity (I threw away a wonderful life to pursue a fantasy) and death (next stop if I were to get back on the carousel of doom). Is it possible I could actually forget what I am currently going through? A rational person would most likely answer, “No” but when I was gambling I was anything but rational or reasonable. I had very big signs in my life prior to this last fall from grace but I ignored them all due to my arrogance.

I have been humbled and humiliated by this current experience, but that is not to say my arrogance may surface in years to come. I must stay humbled and know that the next stop for me if I were to go back out and try that one small wager then it would be death. It sounds harsh, but I believe it to be the truth. I will continue working on my recovery each and everyday in order to avoid this fate. Again, this all boils down to a simple concept; gamble and die or not gamble and live. I choose to live because there is so much out there that I want to experience and by following my recovery I will be able to do this in a positive and honest manner.

Yesterday I ran 15 miles and now I am getting the call of “Marathan Man” from other inmates as I run by. The run felt good but it took me awhile (around mile 9) to find my stride. I am not sure why it took me so long but sometimes this does happen. I covered the 15 miles in an hour and 56 minutes. My first mile was completed in 7 minutes and 48 seconds and my last mile was completed in 7 minutes and 32 seconds. It was a very good run based on these characteristics. One of the things I have noticed when running here is that the track is very hard because it is comprised of asphalt. There is no give at all in the track and some sections are separating so I need to be careful not to get my ankle caught in them. Also, my “still too small” running shoes do provide some support but certainly lack cushioning. Unfortunately, these are the best running shoes available in any of the catalogues. Based on the total weekly amount of mileage I am doing these shoes should wear down very quickly. Typically, they are good for about 300 miles. In the past two weeks, I have logged almost 100 miles not including the many hours of Harvard steps. Hopefully, my wife can exchange them for a larger size so I can have a fresh pair. The calendar for the quarterly package ends at the end of December and worst case scenario I can order a new pair in January. Unfortunately, my instructor shoes just don’t work for me while I am running. I would be better served to run bare feet which is a shame because the coach did request the shoes but someone in the administration took it upon themselves to order basketball shoes. I can wear these when I am not running so it saves a little wear and tear on my running shoes.

I completed the run and had to wait a few minutes for the unlock. I wanted to jump right into the shower when I got in but had a two-hour wait. Everyone else had come in right before me so there was a long line. One of the “perks” of my job during the week is I get priority on the shower when I come in from work. The system for the shower is anyone coming from work has a priority to use the shower first. During the week I only have to wait a few minutes which is just enough time to wash my work clothes in the sink. My goodness, I so miss a washing machine and dryer along with countless other things. While I was waiting to get into the shower I made myself another peanut butter and jam sandwich. There is a point somewhere which I will get sick of these sandwiches but right now I have no other options. I am getting tired of them but I do need to eat something and I won’t eat the lunchmeat which is served with the regular lunches. I will continue to eat these sandwiches until I resemble a peanut! If variety is to spice up life I am certainly missing out with my food selection. My foods are the same day in and day out. I am waiting for a food package which was sent by my wife. This contains at least some nutri-grain bars and tuna fish. I would do well mixing a little tuna fish in place of the peanut butter and jam sandwich for lunch. Thirty days straight of any food is long enough and I do need some variety.

The dinner last night was the soy steak and when I got to the front of the line I asked the regular CO – the nice one – if the steak was definitely soy. She said, “Most likely, but I will give you the vegetarian meal to be sure.” Again this special meal was prepared by the inmate I know from the PFT class. He gave me a triple order of beans with rice and carrots. He also gave me an extra helping of the canned pears for dessert. There were so many beans on my tray I couldn’t eat them all. I am certainly doing much better with the vegetarian meal than I have when I first started. Again, I was very full and didn’t eat anything the rest of the evening.

I returned back to the dorm and watched the college football game between Southern Cal and Notre Dame. For some reason there are plenty of seats available in the television area for the college games as opposed to the movies. I needed something different and watching the football game provided that. As I watched the game, I listened to my fellow dorm mates cheer for southern Cal. They all seemed to be USC fans and in fact one of them lives nearby the campus. This dorm mate was explaining how nice the campus is because he has been there many times. I didn’t want to go into the fact that I attended USC for two semesters over 20 years ago so I let him go on and on about the campus. I have found in my particular situation it is better for me to say as less as possible and to just listen. I certainly do more listening than talking over the past four months. I believe this is a good thing because this way I continue to learn more about myself each day. USC won the game which made my dorm mates very happy and I spent over 3 hours off my bunk which made me very happy.

I have been fortunate enough to obtain two more James Patterson books – BLACK MARKET and ALONG CAME A SPIDER. Here I go again, I find something I like and stick with it. I started reading BLACK MARKET which was one of his first novels and is set up a little differently than his other books. In this book, the chapters are of the normal length, not the 3 and 4 page variety as in the other books. I know I have stated this before but it seems the smaller the chapters the faster the book goes. This is probably only psychological but I prefer the smaller chapters. The premise of this book is quite scary holding the financial systems hostage in NY City, considering it was written before September 11, 2001. The book was written in 1986. After the game I returned to my bunk and started in on the Third Reading of my Program; then it was time to fall asleep.

Another Marble Gone

I don’t have a dinner story to report because I didn’t go to the dining hall last night. The main entrée was the “filet of fish sandwich” and the sides did not contain rice or beans – they were scalloped potatoes and carrots. I guess I could have gone and asked for a vegetarian meal but that would have given me more potatoes and two tubes of peanut butter. I decided to stay back in the form and “cook” my own dinner. My food supplies are dwindling fast because I have not gone to the store as of yet because my money from the reception center has yet to make it here. It has been over 30 days since I first arrived here and I am very surprised my money hasn’t been transferred yet. There are other inmates from different reception centers across California and their monies were transferred within two weeks of their arrival. I have inquired of the inmates who were transferred with me on the same day over 30 days ago and none of them have received their money as well, so it just isn’t me. I was hoping to go to the store this week but due to the fact I have no money on account I will have to wait at least another week if not longer.

My food needs are very simple which consist of soup, rice, tuna, fish, tortillas, and beans.
It would have been nice to have a stock of these instead of relying on the kindness of others but now I have to ration my food accordingly. I still had a bag of rice leftover from last week so I made half the bag with the fresh carrots leftover from lunch along with a soup packet. It’s a good thing I don’t really concern myself with taste because my dinner had none. It was filling which is the main thing. Also, by staying back at the dorm for dinner I was able to enjoy 20 minutes of peace and quiet. I timed how long it takes when everyone leaves the dorm to when they return and it only took 20 minutes which include a 1/3 of a mile walk – it was remarkably fast! I stayed back with three other dorm mates who usually “cook” (boil that is) their own dinners each night. The dorm was so very quiet during this period, it was refreshing but when everyone returned the noise level rose precipitously. Please don’t get me wrong when I state this because for the most part my dorm is as quiet as 36 guys sharing a 450 square foot space can be and there are certainly other dorms that are much louder. As I write this, it is very quiet because everyone is still sleeping even though it is 9:15 in the morning. Our quiet time is between 11:00 pm and 11:00 am and after this time the music kicks off. I am receiving a lesson on certain types of music and it is only reaffirming my dislike as it plays over and over again. Nonetheless, having 20 minutes of solitude in the middle of the day was well worth it – oh the little things keep adding up.

Last night was another movie night which I failed again to act quick enough. I went in 10 minutes before the movie BRUCE ALMIGHTY with Jim Carey but all the seats were taken. So once again I returned to my bunk and listened to the radio. I am getting caught up in current and local news because I do concentrate on listening to the news radio broadcast. Also, I have recently been receiving a Time Magazine subscription which my wife so kindly sent to me. I received the first one last week and have actually read every article. I have never in my life read an entire magazine from cover to cover, but now I have. I haven’t received this week’s copy probably due to the Thanksgiving Holiday where I only received mail from Monday through Wednesday and nothing on Thursday and Friday. Presumably this copy should arrive on Monday.

I really didn’t do much of anything yesterday except exercise and write, yet I was still tired at my normal bedtime of 10:00 pm. I was able to fall asleep only to wake at 4:00 am for a few minutes before falling back to sleep. I woke up at 6:00 am but due to the fact that today is Saturday, I had no reason to get out of the bunk. The TV was set to a Spanish station, as it is every Saturday and Sunday. I seem to have gotten over my disdain – somewhat – of the Spanish programs because “it is what it is” and I won’t raise a fuss. The key word for me is temporary and I can get the news on the radio which is what I do. I still have strong feelings regarding English as being the primary language in the US, but I will keep my feelings to myself in here.

Yes, today is Saturday and another one of those marbles that come out of the jar. Unfortunately, due to my current situation I will lose many more marbles (pun intended!) but will make the best of it. Today will be like yesterday where I will write and exercise. One of my dorm mates was walking by my bunk while I was writing and he said to me,
“When I see you, you are doing one of two things – running and writing.” I guess I can’t hide my program from anyone because this is what I do. I guess I could save some time by combining the two, but my writing does resemble chicken scratch now and it would only get worse if I did it while running. I guess the point of all this is I need a program / routine to survive each day and I have found it. The weekends are the most difficult part of the week because there is much more down time - this weekend in particular because I have had downtime since Thursday. I certainly wouldn’t mind working 7 days straight but the coach may have difficulties with this concept!

This afternoon I will sign up for a telephone call as a back up to my phone call tomorrow. Today’s sign up is for Monday afternoon and I should have an opportunity to call after 2:30 pm – weather permitting – it’s supposed to rain on Monday. This brings up another element which again is completely out of my control. It doesn’t appear that it rains much in the area but when it does, I may not be able to walk or exercise. Sure, I am an obsessive-compulsive exerciser but even I am not crazy about running in the pouring rain and besides that the yard remains closed during inclement weather as a precaution. Hopefully, there won’t be too many of these types of days and I can get many more good days as opposed to bad.

I hate to keep harping on the point but on weekends like this I can’t help but to think about my wife and children. I also find myself thinking back to how consumed I was by my addiction. Each time I think back I smack myself in the head for being so ignorant but eventually I thank God for bringing me to recovery. Without it, I couldn’t possibly deal with my current situation at all. Recovery has not only saved my life it helps me everyday continue my life with a positive purpose. I can’t help but to look around at my fellow inmates and see how fortunate I am to embrace my recovery. The stories I have heard regarding drug addiction are frightening and those inmates keep returning to prison for the same reasons. Don’t they know any better would be a good question. The answer is quite certainly “yes” but they still revert to the old behavior is not easy as flipping a switch especially when it comes to addiction. I couldn’t change my behavior over a 20 year period and it lead me to prison. I pray each day that when I am released I can continue my new life with new positive behaviors in order to never have to come back here. The only way I can do this is by following a program of recovery and mine is the Gamblers Anonymous Program. It truly is a simple program; don’t gamble, go to meetings, practice the principles each and every day and recover. Yes, this is fairly simple yet I fought my addiction because I was arrogant and wanted to do it on my own. This mindset got me to a place like this. Now I have found a much better way and will practice these principles in my daily affairs. I have stated this previously but it bears repeating. I cannot attend GA meetings currently due to my incarceration and in my opinion there are no substitutes for meetings. However, through the incredible fellowship of GA I am being provided with surrogate meetings through all the letters I receive. I do feel like I am in those meetings down in Murietta and Temecula, also in Colorado, and NJ. I am constantly being updated on the meetings and the incredible fellowship. This helps to keep me in line. Before I was sentenced, I attended as many GA meetings as possible knowing I would be gone for a period of time. I immersed myself in the Program and it was one of the best decisions I have made. I look forward to many more years of being associated with the GA Program but I must be careful because the only way to get there is one day at a time. Today – actually – right now there is a fabulous GA meeting going on and even though I am not there physically my spirit is in that room with my fantastic friends. Also, my friends’ incredible spirits are with me as I make my journey through the CDC.

As I go back and re-read these passages, it certainly sounds as if I am sad and yes, I am but it won’t overcome me. I have so many emotions and right now the only way to get them out is with this pen and paper. This helps me so much and maybe a great deal of what I write my sound repetitive, but those are my emotions of the day. Somewhere down the line I will be able to let them out but for now, they will remain on this piece of paper.

I don’t know what the next 20 months will bring as my tour through the prison system continues. I do know that as long as I can maintain a positive attitude and work my recovery everything will be just fine. The most difficult part about prison is being separated from my family and the second most difficult part is the extreme amount of downtime. My first 30 days in the county jail was filled with this downtime and it went excruciatingly slow. In the downtime, I constantly think of my family and what I have done to them. As I moved through the system it has become less and less. This doesn’t mean I have stopped thinking about my family, it just means I have other things to do which occupy my mind. Over this weekend my mind is with my family as it is everyday, but it is more pronounced. I must remember that as long as I continue to recover, the future will be bright and there will be many more holidays to spend with my family. In one month from today, it will be Christmas Day. I do hope that one month goes by as quickly as the previous month but nonetheless that will be a particularly tough day as well. I will remain positive and I will get through this a much better person. I cannot get this time back, but I can make the most of the time I have with my family when my journey has ended. I intend on making the most of each day and everyday because it can all be gone in a single heart beat.

No Black Friday Here

Stories from fellow inmates resemble “fish stories” – you know “fish stories” – back in ’68 I caught a 200 pound tuna when in reality it was a 2 pound tuna. I shared a dorm with some inmates who have spent most - if not all – of the 21st century incarcerated and they share their prison stories liberally. They were centered around the Thanksgiving meal and how it is usually the biggest meal of the year. In fact, several fellow inmates made a reference to just last year and how they needed to use two hands to carry their Thanksgiving tray to their table. Apparently, a great deal has happened in the last year because the Thanksgiving dinner tray looked just like the Sunday night dinner tray with one exception. Last night’s tray had a small (emphasis on small) dollop of cranberry sauce. It actually looked more like jelly as opposed to sauce. These prison stories are quite funny because no matter the story I have a hard time believing any part of it as witnessed by yesterday’s regular dinner. The menu had all the required Thanksgiving foods such as turkey, stuffing, etc with pumpkin “cake” not pie. However, the meal was very ordinary. Fortunately for me, my vegetarian special meal allowed me more yams of which I ate a few. I do have a texture issue with yams – they are much too mushy for my taste but I did force some down. As I approached the front of the line, I asked the relief CO for the vegetarian meal and he asked me, “You don’t eat turkey?” as if I was from another planet.

I very politely said, “No, I don’t eat any meat.”

Then he said, “Even turkey?”

My very polite reply was, “Yes, even turkey.” Thankfully, I received my tray quickly which was again prepared by the same inmate who was in the PFT class. I am not sure why the CO didn’t view turkey as meat, but I didn’t want to find out so I said, “Thank you,” and quickly took my tray to a table.

My fellow dorm mates were very disappointed with the Thanksgiving dinner and there was a great deal of complaining. Then came more prison stories about “back in the day” we would get actual pumpkin pie and not spice cake. I just listened to these stories and smiled to myself because it is quite funny. To me the bottom line is I am in prison, sure I should receive the daily-recommended allowance of vitamins and minerals in my food but I am not entitled to any special holiday meal. It would be a nice gesture but it shouldn’t be expected because this is part of the punishment. Apparently, my views are not shared by many of the prisoners which is why I keep to myself. My only true gripe I have regarding the food is not being provided a piece of fruit at lunch. I have no idea how cookies and corn chips provide nutrients yet we get them everyday. I suspect my opinion on this is also in the minority which is why I will never mention it to anyone.

I was able to get through my very first Thanksgiving Day without any contact whatsoever with my family. I got through this day just like I have gotten through the previous 134 (but who’s counting anyway?) days by working my recovery one day at a time and also working my prison program. That includes the following: having a positive attitude, writing, exercising, and absolutely no gambling. As long as I follow these principles, my days do seem to pass by fairly quickly.

Last night I was going to venture into the telephone area to join my dorm mates in watching Spiderman 2 but I didn’t act fast enough and all the seats were taken. I had the option to lay on the concrete floor but I passed. I watched the first few minutes without the sound (no place to hook my headphones into) and all I kept thinking about was my son. He loves Spiderman and he has watched this movie which is not really suitable for a 5 year old but he was able to watch it over a friend’s house. My son loves any action hero and after the first few minutes I went back to my bunk. While I was there I took out the pictures of my family and stared at them for a good 20 minutes. I was wondering what they were doing at that time which most likely was sleeping. I kissed the picture of the three of them and wished them a Happy Thanksgiving.

Being away from my family is not easy and I have been fortunate to be busy enough so the days go by faster. However, the holidays do slow down my business and I have more idle time. A good example of this was waking up this morning and having no work because all the instructors were officially off for the holiday. I again awoke up at 6:00 am and ventured into the television area to watch the early morning news. Of course, the focus of the newscast was “Black Friday”- the busiest shopping day of the year. When I saw this, I immediately thought of my wife because she has a black belt in shopping and even she would stay away form the early morning crush of the shoppers. She would go out later in the day when the craziness subsided. I wondered if she and her mom – who also has a black belt in shopping – were going out today. These are the little passing moments that are so difficult because no matter how temporary my situation may be here I am still losing valuable time. Of course I cannot do anything about it but try and make the best of the situation. It certainly “is what it is” but if I don’t miss my family I certainly have not learned anything. I do miss them and can’t wait to share our lives together in peace and harmony for the first time in a long time.

Today is “Black Friday” to the rest of the world but all today in here is one day closer to my family. As I was walking to breakfast with one of my neighbors he was lamenting on the fact of how much he wants to move on to fire camp. He has completed both PFT and FFT classes, he is just waiting for his fire camp assignment which could come next week or in 12 weeks. As he was lamenting for a countless number of times, I told him to look at it this way, “No matter where you are as each day goes by, you are one day closer to getting out.”

This brings up another point which is even though all the training maybe completed I will still have to wait for my assignment in fire camp. Right now I am a long way away from fire camp and I have some hurdles to overcome so patience is a virtue. All those things are out of my control somewhat. I use the word somewhat because I have a responsibility to stay on top of these hurdles for fear of falling into the administration’s “black hole” of paperwork. I have some things to do but beyond this it is up to someone else. There are times that I have to catch myself from thinking too far ahead and for the most part I have been successful. I firmly believe everything will workout for the best and so fat it has. Some days are better than others and the major holidays are difficult. I will get through and be a better person for it.

After breakfast, I received another cheese sandwich as my vegetarian lunch. Okay, I have another complaint which I have expressed previously about the food. I wonder who the prison’s dietician is because a lunch of enriched wheat bread, yellow American processed cheese, cookies and cheetos can not be found on the food pyramid, can it? I do get annoyed – as you can see – when I received this lunch but again this is part of the punishment. This brings me to something I recently read in the newspaper – yes I do get to see a newspaper which is only a few days old – which is a great deal better than having no newspaper at all. The article was about a sentence reduced by Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Michael Johnson against George Weller.

Many of you on the East Coast may not know about Mr. Weller but four years ago at the age of 85 he crashed his Buick into a crowded Santa Monica street killing 10 people and injuring 63. Mr. Weller kept mistaking the brake for the gas pedal. As if that weren’t enough, he expressed no remorse nor had made an apology. The case went to court and the jury quickly convicted him of 10 counts of vehicular manslaughter. The 10 counts meant he could spend 20 years in prison. The judge rendered his sentence but before had a few choice words for Mr Weller, “George Weller clearly deserves a prison sentence. The devastation he has caused and the indifference he has displayed support no other conclusion.” The judge went on, “The fact that he deserves prison didn’t mean he should get it.” Judge Johnson said, “I believe the courts used to be practical as well as principled, and I don’t see any purpose in sending Mr Weller to jail or prison. It wouldn’t do anybody any good.” The judge sentenced him to 5 years probation. Of course, his age and ill health had a huge bearing on this sentence but the judge used some common sense which in my opinion is good to see. I won’t make any references to my case because it is over but from what I have seen in the past four months other judges would serve the public well if they used this form of common sense. As it stands right now the Prison System is not working and we need more judges like this one. This is by no means a solution for the problems which exist; it is just a small piece in a very large puzzle.

It appears winter is upon us here at SCC because the grass was coated with frost this morning. Fortunately, the wind was not blowing so the forty degree temperature did not feel so bad. I was able to hold my own impromptu workout session with three other inmates. We did my own “super workout” and by the time we were finished it felt much warmer than the 46 degrees because each of us was covered in sweat. The three other inmates did a good job getting through most of the workout but somewhere near the end I was the only one counting the number of repetitions. It did feel great working out this way and afterward I ran 7 miles. I was also able to sign up for a telephone call and hope my wife is available. If it doesn’t happen I will try again another day. The simple appliance of a telephone has grown so very important in my life, yet another lesson learned.

Happy Thanksgiving 2006

This is the first time I have been separated on Thanksgiving from my wife and children since my daughter was born over eight years ago. Unfortunately, I couldn’t even call them today because the yard closed 15 minute prior to making the phone call. Apparently, on major holidays the afternoon yard closes an hour earlier than normal. It would have been nice to know this when I signed up, but now I’ll know better. My wife and children are with my wife’s family for Thanksgiving dinner and I am sure they are having a wonderful time. On days like today I can’t help but to think about my family and how much I miss them. I miss them dearly and yesterday I received pictures of my family which were sent by my wife. I have one of the pictures - which is of all three of them sitting in a pumpkin patch - taped to the bunk so everyday when I wake up and go to sleep, I give them a kiss.

My children are growing up very quickly and by the time I get to see them – hopefully they will visit next summer – they will continue to grow. The pictures were very beautiful and they are doing very well in NJ. Their lives are continuing in a loving and caring environment.

I have so much to be thankful for on Thanksgiving in spite of residing inside the CDC. I am thankful for my recovery which has been provided by the wonderful GA Program. I am thankful for my wife because she truly is a magnificent person and I owe the world to her. I am thankful for my daughter and son because they are outstanding children and I am so blessed to have them in my life. I am thankful for my mother who has shown nothing but love and support through this horrible ordeal. I am thankful for my mother-in-law because she has opened her home and her heart to my wife and children. I am thankful for all my family members – especially my younger sister - because they have been there for my family and me in this difficult time. I am thankful for all my friends for their generosity, support, love, and teaching me the meaning of the word friend. Despite my current lot, I am a blessed person because there is so much positive in my life and I look forward to each and everyday as I move with a positive purpose. I wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!

I forgot to mention a critical item regarding yesterday’s post. I didn’t mention that one of the participants in the PFT class also works in the kitchen and he was the one to give me the additional food. The CO did take care of me but this inmate took it upon himself to give me the extra helpings. I saw him in class yesterday afternoon and he asked me about dinner and when he told me he was the one to arrange my tray I thanked him profusely! The same thing happened last night but instead of going up for an additional tray, my original tray was loaded with rice, beans, and vegetables. Even the jello dessert slot was overflowing all because this same inmate from the PFT class had arranged my tray once
again. I was so full from eating all the beans and rice I had to give away my jello. I guess being a little visible does have its perks. As long as the inmate continues fixing my tray, I won’t go hungry.

Today was an official day off for me and it felt weird not having to go to early chow. It felt strange having to dress up in my blues instead of the sweats in order to go to breakfast. My uniform of sweats is acceptable to wear to breakfast when I am working out, but otherwise I must wear the standard prison “blues” just like everyone else. I woke up at 5:00 am but stayed in my bunk until 6:15 because there was no rush to go anywhere. I attended breakfast with my dorm mates and we received a “special” breakfast of coffee cake and oatmeal with a banana. I guess this is considered a “special” treat for Thanksgiving. My piece of coffee cake was about half the size of everyone else’s and one of my neighbors was kind enough to switch pieces with me. I ate (all about the calories) all the coffee cake which was no where near as good as the one served at the reception center and once I was given the piece by my neighbor I had to eat it.

According to the menu, lunch for everyone was supposed to be peanut butter and jam but being Thanksgiving everyone was given a special lunch. This was some kind of meat stuck inside an oversized dinner roll. My vegetarian lunch was Fritos, oatmeal cookies, French roll, and a piece of American cheese. I inquired of the CO who is responsible for giving out the lunches as to what the special lunch was. He told me the unknown meal is tofu. I took one of these but I couldn’t bring myself to eat it because it looked really nasty. I traded it away for a soup and besides that I have enough extra peanut butter and jam to last awhile. Now I am currently waiting for the “special” Thanksgiving meal which is being served an hour earlier.

This morning was strange, but I used the time to write three letters and it continues to amaze me how writing helps pass the time. My supply of writing paper is dwindling and I have to get some more. I started around 9:00 am and when I was done it was well after 11:00 am. Then it was time to go out for afternoon yard. I need to mention something about one of the letters I wrote this morning. This letter was to my unexpected pen-pal and the letters I receive from this person are extremely thought provoking. I do enjoy them because they seem to always have something in them that is insightful to me. I am experiencing things I have never thought I would yet it does seem to be working out for the best. The true test will come when my time has been served and I am back in the real world. But I know if I can get through this period of lows in my life I can get through anything. All of this has been possible due to my recovery.


Also, I would be remiss in mentioning my wife who sent a hard copy of the Los Angeles Times article written by Ashley Powers. The hard copy version which appeared in the newspaper had a different title than the internet version. The title was “Gambler Bets on Leniency”. There was no bet or leniency or my recovery would be a sham. My hope that the judge would see me as a person, not a folder on his desk and when he did not, it really didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because I still had my recovery which has saved my life. I believe the author missed the most important aspect of my entire case which is my recovery. I will not rehash what I have written on this subject in the past because it wouldn’t make any difference. The article has been written and my news cycle has officially ended but my recovery lives on.

Getting back to my day~ I went out this afternoon and joined the two lead instructors for an impromptu workout session. The skies were very sunny but the temperature was only in the upper 50’s with a significant breeze. We did the workout and after we finished I realized how much cold weather affects me. I don’t like cold weather and I especially don’t like windy conditions when it comes to running. You can call me a fair weather runner especially when it is windy. I was thinking about running but after doing a mile in our impromptu workout I knew I had to do something else. Again, I did the Harvard Steps for an hour and 12 minutes. I had no idea stepping up onto a small wall would be such good exercise but it seems to be a great workout without all the pounding running can cause.

When I was on the Harvard Steps I found out the yard was closing an hour earlier due to the holiday. This is when I realized I would not be able to speak with my wife on Thanksgiving for the first time in 24 years. My wife does understand that there are times when even though I have a scheduled phone call there are events out of my control which prevent me from making the call. Unfortunately, today was one of those days. I will sign up tomorrow to try to call her on Sunday morning, but due to the fact that my wife has no idea when I will call next, she may not be available. If this does happen, I will try again on a different day until I reach her. My planning for the telephone call will be better on Christmas Day, but again who knows will happen.

I have one more Thanksgiving to get through without sharing it with my family. It wasn’t a horrible day, it was just another day. The only difference with today was many inmates were wishing one another “Happy Thanksgiving”. I have given and received a few of these today.

I am doing my best in this situation and in many ways everything is working out very well. However, being separated from my family is very difficult especially on family holidays like today. I was hoping to at least hear their voices but that didn’t happen. I will have to settle for looking at their pictures I have received from my wife and mother. I had no idea how precious it was to hear their voices or to give them a hug and a kiss or just to see them but now I know because all of this has been taken away. This is only one of hopefully many more Thanksgiving Days. I do plan on being with my family after my release date and spending each day giving thanks to them for their incredible love and support. I love and miss them so much. I hope they had a great Thanksgiving in Jersey.

"Flat Tire" - Lost Shoe

This vegetarian meal thing may work out well. Last night I approached the window and the CO recognized me by sight. I didn’t have to mention the meal because she handed me two tubes of peanut butter and a tray without the Kung Pao chicken. Frankly, I was shocked but not as shocked as I was later on while I was eating my dinner. I was eating the rice and vegetables when the CO flashed her flashlight in my direction. Usually this means an inmate is doing something wrong and the CO was getting their attention. I wasn’t doing anything wrong so I wasn’t so sure this beam of light was aimed at me. I looked back to the CO and asked if she wanted me to come up to her. She said, “Yes” and I approached her. When I reached her I very politely said, “Yes” and she then told me that if there wasn’t enough food on my tray she would take care of it. She went on to apologize for not having enough food because when I first came up she was very busy and didn’t notice my tray but as she saw me eating she realized there wasn’t enough food. I was genuinely shocked in a very good way and thanked her and returned to the table. When I went back, the person I was eating with asked me what that was all about and I told him. He asked if I was going to go back up for more food. I took one look at my tray and told him that I was going back for more food. I went up and very politely asked the very nice CO for another tray. I only asked for the rice and the mixed vegetables because I don’t eat the cole slaw. I received a tray with two more helpings of the rice and vegetables. This is the most amount of food I have received since I started the special request of the vegetarian meal. Again, I was shocked to see this much food on my tray, and I thanked the CO profusely! I ate everything and I was completely full. In fact, I had trouble finishing the last forkfuls, but I did. On the way out, I again thanked the very kind CO.

For the first time since I arrived at this Center , I was not starving when I woke up in the morning. Yesterday was a very big workout day for me and I was exhausted last night so the additional calories were welcome. The CO’s came through the dorm at 5:00 am, I woke up and lay in bed until 5:45. I did my job and woke up my two neighbors respectively. Just like yesterday, the unlock for early chow came at 6:30 am. This morning I was able to eat breakfast with three of the other instructors. An interesting fact – currently there are 7 instructors (including me) and 5 of us are the same race and the other 2 are of a different race. Apparently, the coach awards the position of instructor to the person who can pass the very rigorous physical test not based on race. Some of the other instructors fit into the “normal” category and they are good guys. After breakfast we all went to the basketball court to start Day 8 of the PFT training class. This is the last day of “regular” class before the participants take the exam. Due to the Thanksgiving holiday the test won’t be given until next Monday and the regular coach will return from vacation. The delay may hurt some of the participants and I know personally I wouldn’t want to wait the four days, I would want to get it over with tomorrow. However, there is no class of any kind the next two days because we instructors are officially off. The lead instructor referred to our days off as being on vacation, but I very politely offered my opinion which was I not refer to the time off as vacation because I am not going anywhere! He completely understood and corrected himself and said days off.

Once again the class was led through their warm ups and the lead instructor told
me to take the front pace just as I did yesterday. Today we were only doing a 2 mile power walk which is really not enough but I was happy to be in the front to redeem myself from yesterday. I did much better and was only a few seconds ahead of the pace. I recognized something which was very basic and I now know how to hit the exact pace. I need to adjust my pace prior to the hashmark, not after. Something unexpected happened on the third lap. As I was leading the pack someone by accident stepped on my right running shoe. I not only got a “flat tire” but my running shoe came completely off. I didn’t know what to do so I instinctively kept walking with one shoe on and one off. What else could I do? I walked about 50 yards this way when the lead instructor came up to the front and saw what happened. He relieved me at the front as I turned back to get the running shoe. One of the members of the pack behind me actually picked it up and handed it to me. I thanked him and pulled over to the side of the track and very quickly put the shoe back on. It took a matter of seconds and I ran back to the front of the pack where I relieved the lead instructor. I resumed my duties as the lead pace man without missing a beat. The participants on the track in the pack behind me gave me a big ovation as I returned. Also, the lead instructor told me I handled the situation perfectly. I was not angry, embarrassed or even annoyed when this happened. It was an accident and things like this happen and I do believe I handled it properly.

There aren’t any secrets in prison because everyone seems to know everyone’s business. All throughout the day I had other inmates – some I knew and some I didn’t - come up to me and say, “I heard you lost your shoe during the power walk this morning.” Please keep in mind when we were doing this we were the only ones on the track. Everyone else was inside their dorms. So much for being anonymous and keeping a low profile – now everyone knows me. When I received these comments I made light of the situation and didn’t take any of it as an insult. Things happen and it is how I react to them which will define me as a person. I try to act and react in a positive manner – thanks to my recovery. The whole “lost shoe” story may not seem like a big deal to anyone reading this but if it happened to one of the participants or even another instructor the outcome may have been very different. I am glad I was the one it happened to because now I am known as the “lost shoe instructor.”

The regular class ended with a 9 minute mile which I lead along with the lead instructor. No, I didn’t lose my other shoe on this run; it was very uneventful. After the run, the class went through their cool downs and I put away the hose and “water horse”. This has gotten much easier to do over the past two days so I may have a chance of becoming a firefighter. Now it was time for the PFT Plus where I lead the warm-ups and mirrored the lead instructor. I was a little tired this morning so I was content “instructing” the class with the lead instructor. There are two lead instructors – one is close to my age and the other is in his late 50’s. The latter will be leaving in one month and the former will be the sole lead person.

The PFT class ended and it was only 9:45 am; however, being Wednesday and having my tier out for morning yard meant mandatory “kick out” from the dorms. We are not allowed to return until after 11:00 am. I really wanted to rest but didn’t know what to do with myself. Fortunately, the two lead instructors also wanted to rest also so the three of us talked for the next hour. The conversations focused on our individual sentences of which I am serving the least amount of time – and we also talked about the Prison system. We also touched on nutritional information with me mostly discussing my diet. The lead instructor closest to my age was very interested in my diet and was asking about my special meal request. But the bulk of the conversation centered around how we were sentenced. After listening to these two speak, I have no right to complain about my four year sentence which I will serve half. These two are currently ineligible for fire camp based on a variety of reasons. This is very ironic because they are both the fittest and hardest working inmates on the yard. A fire camp would certainly benefit having either one or both of them but as of right now they cannot attend. Both of them are very “normal” and it is hard to believe they even committed any crime let alone the types of crimes they committed. The saying of “Don’t judge a book by its cover” is quite appropriate. The hour passed very quickly and even though my voice was fading fast I enjoyed the conversation immensely.

We all departed back to our dorms for lunch…..Nope, a baloney sandwich….just joking! It was yet another peanut butter and jam sandwich. By the time I am released I will resemble a PB and J sandwich!! After this it was time for the afternoon PFT Plus class where I did participate. I had to do some type of exercise because the morning session was very restful. The lead instructor – the one closest to my age – may workout more than I do but even he called it a day after class. I was thinking about doing this but just couldn’t (I may have a problem?) so I did an hour and 10 minutes of the Harvard Steps before calling it a day.

It was in the upper 50’s today which is the coolest it has been but I was still getting a good sweat. After the Harvard Wall I wanted to test myself by seeing how long I could hang on the high bar. In the regular PFT class the participants must hang on the high bar for 60 seconds after doing 10 minutes on the Harvard Wall. I was able to hang for 90 seconds and did five pull-ups right after. I was pleased and now it was time to head back to the dorm. As I was walking back, I saw one of my fellow instructors. He noticed my drenched shirt and said, “You just couldn’t stop, could you?”

He said this with an smile and I smiled back and said, “Of course not because I am sick in the head.” He just laughed and kept walking. Working out is my salvation in a place like this and to have a job which incorporates this is a blessing. Yes, I maybe a little or maybe a lot obsessive about exercising but right now the benefits outweigh the negatives and most importantly make my days go by faster.

Take The Lead

“Mexican beans” were one of the side dishes for last night’s dinner. These beans look identical to the pinto beans which I don’t like very much. I was given a double helping much to my dismay because it meant no peanut butter. However, I decided to try these beans in hopes of them tasting better than their identical counterpart – the pinto beans – and unbelievably mixed with a little salsa, the Mexican beans were palatable. I ate all of them along with the Mexican rice and I was full for the evening. I have no idea why these beans tasted better than the others but they did. By eating the double helping of the beans, I did indeed get my daily-recommended allowance of protein (for once). I have also started eating some of the desserts. I have eaten the jello with fruit, pudding, tapioca, and a very bland spice cake which resembles cornbread. I still can’t bring myself to eat chocolate cake or any other iced cake. I am very afraid of the sugar content but I can slowly acquire a taste for the other desserts. I rationalized – (normally rationalization is not necessarily good but it may be in this case, who knows?) that I certainly need the calories and the desserts aren’t so sugar ladened so why not at least try them. Maybe prison is breaking down my senses a little.

Last night was my lone television evening and as I have mentioned previously, I have gotten into watching “Heroes”. I usually go into the television area an hour earlier to secure a seat but it is still very hot – the hot air is still blowing out of the vent just like it has been for the past three weeks. The inmates who have to sleep in there blocked off the vent with cardboard, but it still doesn’t stop the heat from permeating into the television area and the rest of the dorm. I entered a little before 9:00 pm and was able to get a seat. I watched “Heroes” and things are happening. It will interesting to see how the events play out but I suspect things will be drawn out. After all, it is a TV series which usually has a beginning but no end. Anyhow, it does kill an hour of my time which is very valuable in a place like this.

Changing gears slightly, I had the misfortune of overhearing a conversation between two inmates where one inmate was very unhappy due to being disrespected by another inmate. This was a conversation which did not include the inmate who did the alleged disrespecting (thankfully) so it did not escalate into anything further. The conversation went on for a good 10 minutes and I was not trying to listen but due to the close proximity of where this conversation took place, I had no choice. Even though the conversation seemed to last a long time the words were the same throughout –“disrespect.” The unfortunate part of the conversation is the inmate who was disrespected is getting his release in less than a week. I don’t know how long this particular inmate has been in prison but I know when I have less than one week before my release there is nothing in the world that would bother me. The other unfortunate aspect in my opinion, is apparently no one seemed to have learned anything during their prison stay. Yes, I know I am taking inventory of others which I should not be doing but I was trying to apply this conversation to myself. I have learned to “Let Go and Let God” but that is just me. I didn’t say a word while the conversation was taking place nor did I want to. The last thing I need to do is put my big nose into someone else’s business. I heard enough and really hope that this inmate comes to his senses because he will be out of this place very shortly. I know I could not jeopardize that fact in any way! The conversation was somewhat of an eye opener for me but in the past four months nothing seems to surprise me anymore.

The fog seems to be a nightly event because it rolled in again after 7:30 pm. The fog cut short the evening yard again. Last night was my tier’s evening yard and it lasted about 15 minutes. I don’t even try to go outside at night anymore because it seems something always happens to cut it short. Also, the only reason to go outside is to sign up for the telephone. However, it’s almost a catch 22 – whenever I do sign up for the phone call, I am disappointed because I don’t get to make it for various reasons. I just stay inside which is much better than going outside. Of course, we had another “fog count’ last night. The interesting thing about these are they come an hour prior to the regular count. Once the fog count is complete the regular counts begins. I guess this is a matter of procedure and deviating from it can cause problems.

I woke up at 5:00 am this morning when the CO’s come through the dorm. They always come through the dorm at this hour, but I just figured out this was a consistent event – I am really not smart! I noticed they were coming through but I couldn’t figure out the time because my watch does not have a light. Over the past three days I have been getting up to use the restroom right after the CO’s come through the dorm and each time is exactly the same. Again, this is part of the protocol and also part of the routine. I did lie in my bunk until 5:45 and then decided to get up. My “bunk neighbor” is in the PFT class and he has asked me to make sure he is awake by 6:00 am each day. He’s usually awake but this morning I had to wake him. Also, my neighbor across the street (actually five feet across the dorm but “we” like to refer to this as “across the street”) has also asked me to wake him because he too is in the PFT class. He is always asleep so I woke him up as well. Not only am I the “PFT Instructor” but I am the “Dorm Wake Up Guy”. I have no problem doing this in fact I like waking them up because they are very appreciative. In the past I have always been referred to as “Responsible Paul”! I kind of blew this out of the water with my illegal indiscretions but it is good to see I’m earning some type of responsibility in here.

Thankfully, there was no fog this morning so I was hoping for an early start for the training class. At 6:45 am the CO unlocked the dorm door and called for early chow. This is the first time we have been given early chow for this training class. I was very surprised I didn’t even have on my running shoes. I scrambled back to the bunk and put on my sneakers and went off to breakfast. I had to sit by myself because the two other dorm members who are in the training class are of different races than mine and also each other. I didn’t mind but I did miss getting the extra hot cereal I normally do. I was able to obtain two tubes of peanut butter because the creamed beef was on the menu this morning. Unfortunately, I was not given an extra portion of the cereal but I did mix the peanut butter into the hot cereal. I was full from breakfast and I was excited to start the training class this early.

After finishing breakfast I went to the basketball court for the start of the training class. I was the first to arrive and then came the two lead instructors. One of them made the comment, “ It is nice to see the new guy made it out here early and I wonder where the other instructors are.” Apparently, they were not ready for the early chow and were a bit late in getting to the class. I happily did my “new guy” duty of getting the garden hose and “watering horse” from their respective areas. The garden hose is located in the coach’s office inside the gym. I am not crazy about going in there because it truly reminds me of the movie “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” but I had my blinders on as I headed toward the coach’s office. Once inside I saw one of the substitute coaches who seemed surprised to see me so early. He asked me if we were ready to start and I said, “yes, whenever you are ready.”

He said, “Now would be great,” and followed me back outside. The substitute coach is very different from the regular coach - almost as different as night and day. I am not saying one is better than the other, they are just extremely different. I have no problems with either one and it seems I have had more interaction with the substitute coach over these past two days than I have had with the regular coach.

We headed back outside where the training class was about to start. The lead instructor lead the group through their warm-ups and then it was time for the 4-mile power walk. As soon as they lined up on the track the lead instructor called my name and said, “Take the lead.” I was very surprised and asked him if he was sure.

He said, “Yes, don’t worry, you’ll do fine.” The lead person paces the group and is responsible for keeping the proper pace which is 4 minutes and 20 seconds a lap (three laps equals one mile so this is a 13 minutes a mile pace, which is very easy to do – jogging but power walking is a little different). I have only walked on the side of the group so I was always going with the flow - not at my pace. I noticed my power walking has gotten much better from the first time I did it last week. But, I was worried I would be too slow which is why I asked the lead instructor if he was sure I was ready. Also, I have tried this pace once before by myself and I was indeed a little slow.

The lead instructor gave us some words of encouragement and I did indeed take the lead in front of the group and off I went. There are hash marks (??) on the track where we are supposed to hit at certain pace times. The first mark is at the one quarter of the lap and it is supposed to be hit at 1 minute and 5 seconds. Well, I hit this mark at 1 minute flat. This would be fine if the first lap was only 5 seconds ahead of schedule. But due to my nervousness and high energy I was 20 seconds ahead of the pace after the first lap which is a little fast. The lead instructor told me (quietly so the class wouldn’t hear) to slow down a little. I certainly understood and by the two mile mark I was 15 seconds ahead of the pace and I finished 9 seconds faster than the allotted 52 minutes. This was not perfect but I thought it was fairly respectable for my first time leading. I was so concerned about going too slow that I went too fast. This seems to be my problem when I am leading the group in any exercise, I will get better as I get more comfortable.

When I completed the power walk, I could have done 10 more miles but the group wasn’t exactly willing so we stopped at the 4 mile mark. I received some very nice words of praise from the lead instructor after completing the power walk. I was energized and again I got to call the cadence for the Harvard steps today. I was much better today according to the substitute instructor – practice does make perfect. An interesting thing happened. There are two groups – one on the left and one on the right – about halfway through calling my cadence, the group on the right was completely out of sync while the one on the left was in perfect sync. I did my best to get the group on the right back in step but they seemed to struggle. I am not exactly sure why this happened but I did find it intriguing.

After calling the cadence, it was time for the PFT Plus class to begin and the lead instructor, and another fairly new instructor, and myself were to lead the class. I was able to do the cold downs and one rotation. I am getting better, nowhere near perfect but definitely better. The class ended and we joined the other class for a two mile run. There weren’t any stranglers which was unusual but the pace was much slower than the previous ones. The class finally finished and headed back to the basketball court for their cool downs. I went back to do my “new guy” duty and rolled up the hose – I was able to unhook the hose much easier today, I am a slow learner but I DO learn – and collect the watering horse. By the time I returned back to the basketball court the class was just about over - my morning session was complete. I returned inside to have some lunch because my food would be properly digested before the afternoon class started.

Again I was able to lead the afternoon class in one rotation and warm ups. By this time my voice was starting to give out because I had been yelling all morning. I was getting hoarse. This class finished but my exercise routine had not. I wanted to try the 4 mile power walk again but this time by myself. I did it but for some reason my pace was 15 seconds slower than optimum. Maybe I was fatigued or maybe there were too many people on the track to navigate around. In the morning the track is cleared of any inmates when we do the power walk. Whatever the case my time was indeed slower. I will keep practicing until I get it right; in the meantime I will keep logging the miles.

My workout routine had ended after I did some exercise. Now it was time to telephone my wife. I was hoping to actually speak with her and I did. She sounded great! In fact, she sounded the best I have heard her in the past four months. I hadn’t spoken to her in over a week and it was wonderful to hear her again. She gave me some great news about my daughter and son. My daughter made the honor roll at school, she had all A’s and one B. My son was selected student of the month for his kindergarten class. I certainly do have a magnificent family and I miss then so very much. My wife also gave me some news on upcoming visits I may have next month. I also have incredible friends! I am a very blessed person and extremely grateful for all the gifts in my life. Our phone call ended as soon as it started but I was able to secure a telephone call for Thanksgiving Day where I will be able to speak with my daughter and son. I wasn’t sure if calling on thanksgiving was possible but it has worked out.