No Conundrum Too Big

I was reading some old and I do mean OLD postings a few days again. It really is hard to believe that I started this blog over three years ago as I progress in recovery. I noticed that over the past two years especially as I served my sentence the postings have gotten longer and longer. I do understand why I became “long winded” in prison because I didn’t have much to do but this style has carried over the last five months. Really I didn’t have much to do until my family returned and now maybe just maybe I will return to less descriptive missives. Who knows it seems I have a lot say and that doesn’t mean I have a lot to say!!!!

Today was one of those long days and with “top management” on vacation at the office I have become the “go to” person. My ego does relish this role and I must be able to keep it in check. This is what got me into trouble in the past and hopefully now I will be more mindful. I have had to make some decisions this week and some of those decisions weren’t very popular. The position I am in is to say the least very “interesting” in so many ways. I had no idea how a counseling business was run when I started five months ago and really I still have no idea!!! Okay that was an attempt at humor because I have some semblance of how the business operates.

I have worked in a variety of businesses and my main area of business has been the gaming industry. However; really when it comes down to it all businesses are the same. With the exception of governmental entities which are the total opposite of running a business essentially business models for all industries are the same. It is a simple equation; have more revenue company in than expenses flowing out. Also my background has been in the accounting end of things I have witnessed these things firsthand.

I worked for a start-up casino when we lived in Las Vegas and contrary to popular belief not all casinos make money. This particular casino actually had to file for bankruptcy protection and was later sold at a much discounted rate. The management at the casino did most everything wrong starting from the marketing angle to the customer service angle. The philosophy was “if you build it they will come”. Well it was built and no one came because the customer base was alienated. It was due to this failure that I found myself moving to Southern California but that is how life works. There is a plan for me and it wasn’t necessarily a plan I have implemented from the start.

There are so many small things that affect the big picture and having worked at this failed casino was one of those small things. I met many talented people and became friends with them at the time; however; life always seems to move on. Whether this moving on is positive or negative is completely up to me. I continue to learn this philosophy and embrace it one day at a time.

I lost my initial train of thought so please forgive me; back to the “business models” of having more revenue than expenses. This is a very simple equation and some where along the way people do lose track. I have witnessed in these past five months that it isn’t easy running a small business especially when expenses exceed revenues. I do have some expertise but I am not a magician. I can only do what I consider to be the best of my ability and I won’t stop doing this no matter the circumstances.

In recovery I understand that tomorrow is not promised to me and I don’t know what tomorrow will bring which is why I do my very best today. I know doing my very best does bring about a bright beautiful future; however; there are so many other variables beyond my scope of influence. These variables can cause negative ramifications but again it is my attitude that determines how these ramifications will affect me.

Over the past two years and even in the three plus years of my recovery I do my very best to be mindful of what is and what isn’t important. Money is a tricky aspect to this perplexing conundrum. “Lack of money” is the root of all evil and I can understand this saying. However; the pursuit of money can all be the root of evil.

Money is necessary in our society to live because without it and not being in communal society living is extremely difficult. I know that I just need money to provide for my family which consists of having a roof over their heads and food on the table with clothes on their backs anything else is a “do-dad”. It has taken me what can be construed as a lifetime to fully understand this concept but slowly and surely I am grasping it.