Grateful Dear Friend

The speaker meeting for the Monday evening Gamblers Anonymous convened yesterday. Normally the speaker meetings are every other Monday; however; when there are five Mondays in a month the last Monday is indeed a speaker’s meeting. Last night a very dear friend in the program shared their story. This is a person who has done so much for me over the past three years and was a beacon of light while I was incarcerated.

I had gone five months before I received a visitor and this dear friend along with their very significant other made it a point to visit me even though it was a mere 400 miles away. These dear friends didn’t want me to be alone for my first Christmas while being incarcerated. I will never forget what this meant to me at the time and what it still means to me. Here were two people I didn’t know all that well and now they are very dear friends.

It was wonderful watching my dear friend speak and although I had heard the story before I noticed something I hadn’t notice before, my dear friend was very comfortable speaking in front of the group. We have the same amount of time in the program and I do remember their very first GA meeting where not a great deal was said by my dear friend; however; over the course of time the posture eased and the words flowed. This was the case last night and I am very grateful for all of the GA meetings and I think having a speaker’s meeting is wonderful. It gives everyone the opportunity to know the speaker on a much deeper level. Yes, I knew most of the story last night but there was something I learned about my dear friend.

Compulsive gambling does have a “death” grip on some people such as me. I can’t help but to look back and analyze my compulsive gambling as my dear friend was speaking. My dear friend got hooked on gambling relatively quickly in two years. I was hooked when I made my first “real” bet at the ripe old age of 12!!! It took me almost thirty years to quit my denial that I was and will always be a compulsive gambler.

I would characterize my gambling career as sociopathic in a way because it seemed I could pick and choose my opportunities but in reality I just couldn’t stop and all I did was fool myself. I thought if I didn’t place a “large” wager on the Super Bowl that I wasn’t a compulsive gambler because that was “amateur hour” for gamblers; however; I forgot to take into consideration the fact that I had thousands of dollars wagered on the numerous basketball games played on Super Bowl Sunday. Another sad case in point was my wedding day; I said to myself that I wouldn’t gamble on my wedding day because that would be sick so I didn’t. I went a step further saying when I got married I wouldn’t gamble again but that lasted a total of three weeks!!! Thankfully now I have a program of recovery and my denial is a thing of the past.

Listening is a wonderful exercise and something the GA program teaches its members. I have to really listen in order to learn which helps my recovery tremendously. Last night I listened intently and once again my dear friend has aided in my recovery. The program is all about “selflessness” not selfishness and the actions of my dear friend are that of a very selfless person. It is an honor and a privilege to call this person a very dear friend.

The meeting concluded and so did my day. I did some running around during the day getting the house documents signed and other errands so the day went by very quickly. I headed home to another dear friends house. The evening was very non eventful with nothing much happening. I did make a purchase of my dear friend’s vehicle and now I have my own car. I thought I wouldn’t be able to own anything for a long time to come yet now I have a car. This is all do to the kindness of my dear friends. We signed all the necessary requirements and now I am once again a rightful vehicle owner. This was something I have taken for granted seemingly all my life but this does mean something to me. Life certainly goes on and my life in recovery goes on wonderfully.

I retired to bed and once again this morning I decided to add extra hour of sleep. I did make a pact with myself in regards to my working out while I was in prison. I need to be much more flexible and this week I am exercising this flexibility. I did indeed work out this morning but it was another abbreviated workout session which seems to be much better. I seem fresher and more active. I had a great run of 8 miles and instead of lifting weights I just did a session of abdominal workouts. In years gone by I would have to be at the gym for three hours in order to “feel” that I got in a good workout but I know this is not the case anymore. I am grateful for the opportunity provided to me to be able to go to the gym and my workouts are a bonus. I was such a creature of habit and now I am slowly changing which feels very good.

I had to do some car related errands this morning and did get those things out of the way. I had the task of going to the Division of Motor Vehicles which isn’t on anyone’s “must do” list but it was one of those necessary evils. Even at the DMV I reminded myself this is so much better then the 19 ½ months I was incarcerated. Sure there was a wait but I didn’t lose my “inner” smile (I thought smiling outward while at the DMV may creep some people out so I kept the smile to myself!!). The transaction went seamlessly and I am officially an owner of a 2000 Honda Accord, yay!!!!

My day was made when my daughter called. My daughter along with my niece is with my mother at the New Jersey shore enjoying them for a “girls” only outing. They are spending a few days just like they did last summer on the Jersey Shore. My daughter sounded great and it was apparent they were having a great time. My daughter did say she couldn’t wait to hear whether or not I would be able to come to New Jersey next week. She did ask me what if I am not allowed to come and I replied, “That is okay because you will see me very soon.” This is very true and no matter what happens tomorrow I will see my family very soon.

I did receive a great photograph of my daughter sitting in the hotel room with the ocean in the background. This was the same photo my mother took last summer and my daughter is most certainly growing up. Of course, I am very biased but I have to say my daughter is beautiful and blossoming into a wonderful young woman. The time does go by so quickly and yes, I have missed the past two years but I will do my best to make every moment count when my family returns. Every moment will indeed count and there will be many “outward” smiles no matter where we might be!!!!