Dishonesty and Honesty

Being busy or really just letting life take its course does have so many advantages. I can’t help but to remember those days where I would wake up before the crack of dawn; get in my workout, go to work which only lasted a few hours and had seemingly the rest of the day to myself as I served my sentence. Somehow I made all of that work out for the very best and those 19 ½ months passed by. There were days that didn’t pass by quick enough but in retrospect this has given me a huge understanding how fast time can go by. Over those 19 ½ months I wrote thousands of pages and seemingly it was about my day to day existence which really wasn’t very interesting.

Here I sit and it has been a few days since I last wrote and yes, most of what (probably all of what I write!) still isn’t very interesting! However; I love the fact that the day can go by and I don’t have to sit and write just to pass the time. I did write to pass the time and along with reading and exercise those activities got me through those 19 ½ months. Thank goodness the “free” world is a great deal more interesting and now there are so many more things to do with my day. Today was a wonderful example as I had an appointment schedule at another “high end” rehabilitation facility to the south of where I am currently located. This took up most of my day which was a wonderful way to spend the day.

I had company on my appointment as I went with a colleague who I have come to admire very much. This colleague shares my views on most things and it is great listening to the stories on the “clinical” side of things. I have been told I should have been and I should pursue being a counselor/therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist many times over my lifetime not only as I move through life in recovery but prior. Obviously prior to I wouldn’t have been any good because I couldn’t have even diagnosed myself!!! I’m not sure how effective I would be at this stage especially listening to these stories of clients who are battling their own demons. I do listen well (I know my wife would argue!!) and have always been a good listener but I am not very good at telling people what to do.

I am a big believer in letting people be adults and to act accordingly. There are times where I take this tack with my children because I believe that at some point they will have to make their own decisions when I am not there to “tell” them what to do. I was this way as I directed my staff so I again I am not sure how effective this form of therapy would be. It was very interesting hearing these stories and hearing how different people progress through recovery. I know this is what was “designed” and sure I would have liked to learn over 20 years ago but that wasn’t to be. Life is an amazing journey and I am grateful for each day on this journey.

This evening I made my way to the Tuesday Evening Gamblers Anonymous meeting since I did not attend Sunday’s meeting or yesterday’s meeting. I had planned on going to this meeting since one of the “stalwart” members was celebrating a 2 year anniversary in the program. As it turns out another “stalwart” member was celebrating their 2 year anniversary as well so it was a 2-fer!! The meeting was very good and I have to comment on how important these meetings are to my recovery. This is my “lifeblood” and as long as I stay connected to the program I know I am on the right path.

Just listening to other sharing is part of this connection and tonight I probably heard the most outlandish therapy in my almost four years in the program but that is all part of my recovery. The member was sharing and as soon as I heard the story I doubted the validity but this didn’t matter; the fact that I was just sitting in the room continuing to practice the principles of the program means everything to me. There are people who will say anything to get attention but the key principle in the program is HONESTY because without honesty there is no recovery. I was dishonest with myself for over 20 years and it led to dishonest ways of operating. Thankfully the dishonesty has turned into honesty all due to the Gamblers Anonymous Program.