"Want"/"Need" Conflict

There comes a day during the week where my motivation for running wanes precipitously. Yes, this day is invariably on Thursday which is today so it is no coincidence I had to force myself to get to the gym. This new training regime has me scheduled to run 5 days a week and it calls for 4 consecutive days of running. In the previous training sessions I have run 4 days a week and rarely ever more than 2 consecutive days. It has been an adjustment; however; barring last week I have become increasingly more motivated each week. With that stated I still have a difficult time with the 4th consecutive day of running. I normally take that day off and go back the next day which is a scheduled day off.

This week I had things scheduled for tomorrow and I needed to get myself to the gym. Often times “want” and “need” conflict and lately especially in recovery I have learned that “need” should prevail. Thankfully today “need” did prevail and without much thought I found myself at the gym running for the 4th consecutive day of the week and adding to mileage. It was a very good workout and this week my workouts have included more than just running which has created a much longer workout. Additionally my runs have increased in mileage adding to the total time. Combine all this with the fact that the hot water is still not working and I am still a sweaty mess making my way home for the morning shower.

I am always pleased when the workout is over and today was no exception. I did notice as I completed my 10th mile I was feeling very good. In the past my “warm-up” would take about 5 miles before I would start feeling good and now this “warm-up” seems to last longer and longer as my mileage increases. I think this is a positive because my goal is to qualify for the Boston Marathon by posting a 3 hour and 20 minute or less finishing time for the 26.2 mile endeavor.

I have been close over the past two marathons and I am focused in obtaining this goal. I continue to learn that goals are wonderful but the priorities in my life are my recovery, family, and Higher Power. It would be great if I were to qualify for the Boston Marathon but certainly not the end of the world if I did not. Incidentally I am still uncertain if I will be able to run in the marathon next month because I have yet to receive permission since the marathon is located in Phoenix. Another great phrase I have learned really captures most situations such as this one; “It is what it is.” I have no control over the decision and I continue to do what I believe is the right thing and know everything works out for the very best. My attitude is wonderful and there shouldn’t be anything to alter my attitude since my life is truly wonderful in every aspect.

The day had me going to an impromptu meeting at another recovery center and unlike my last meeting this one was very productive. I didn’t know about this meeting until yesterday and I am very happy I made the trip. The discussion focused on adolescents who are suffering with alcohol and drug addictions. This is such a difficult group and having two children about to enter their adolescent years something I take very personally. The conversation did turn to the parents of these unfortunate adolescents and the consensus was that the parents need help as well. I do believe that in my recovery the 12 steps are incredible and an inspiration.

I realize not everyone embraces the 12 step concept but for the life of me I can’t understand why. I know the whole “Higher Power” concept trips up some people and I would fall into this category as well. I am not a very big “God” person but I know there is something much bigger than me out there. I can’t exactly explain this “big thing” but knowing something exists makes a world of difference. I have often thought of myself as the end all be all and in recovery I know this is just my ego talking. I do my very best to remove my ego from the equation and amazingly my life continues to get better with each passing day. I do believe this is some validly in a 12 step program for people who don’t suffer with addictions and these parents with troubled adolescents would gain some insight by adopting the 12 steps.

The meeting went very well and I had a few other meetings during the day that went equally as well. In my job description I am tasked with marketing our facility and I have been getting out the word. This hasn’t exactly added to our client list but I understand these things take time. I have the patience and attitude to know everything will be wonderful since it already is!! I am enjoying life and I am enjoying every day one at a time.