Uplifting as Usual

Last night ended very nicely when the Gamblers Anonymous meeting ended I was uplifted. Not that I wasn’t feeling very good prior to the meeting just after the meeting I was feeling even better. This is the power of the program and the power of recovery. I must admit that my life was very good prior to me entering recovery because I had everything I ever needed but the problem was I didn’t realize it. Thankfully I realize this everyday as it was all taken away from me for almost two years. This brings me to something that I have been thinking about lately; regrets. I do regret what I have done to my family and I certainly regret what I did. I don’t regret entering recovery and finding a much better way to live. It is so fascinating how my life has been made better through this program of recovery and I am blessed to have an incredible family along with magnificent friends.

I continue to learn in recovery and one of the things I continue to learn is forgiveness. Yes, I do have those regrets and sometimes I have to hit myself in the head and wonder (as my friend asked me over and over again) “What was I thinking?” The problem was I just wasn’t thinking and I was just doing. I was on autopilot and now that autopilot switch has been turned off and I am enjoying every moment. I had a discussion last night about people who get into trouble because they get too greedy and the statement was made, “why can’t they just stop?”

Well I know I wasn’t capable of stopping and had no intention of stopping until I was caught. I still remember plotting how I would go back to those terrible ways as the world was crashing down on me. I wish I could come up with the right words to describe what was going on in my mind back then but all I can say is I was like a robot and a prisoner in my own mind. Those days thankfully are gone all do to recovery and of course the Gamblers Anonymous Program.

This morning yes, I was back at the gym getting in a workout. This recovery time from the marathon was just like the recovery time from my previous marathon. I was feeling no pain whatsoever and this was an “ibuprofen-free” recovery. I didn’t have to take any Advil or Motrin and this is a big change from my very first marathon where I lived on the stuff for two weeks after that marathon. I had difficulty walking down the stairs the night of the marathon and the next day but today there was no pain going down those stairs. There was no pain at the gym and no, I didn’t run I just cycled and I am considering on doing a triathlon in March.

There is a local sprint triathlon in March and I looked at the distances, 150 meter swim, 12 mile bike ride and a 3.1 mile run and thought these weren’t long enough. There is an “Olympic” triathlon not far from where I live and those distances are a 1500 meter swim, 24 mile bike ride and a 6.2 mile run. Those distances are more like it but I consulted a very good friend who has down triathlons and their suggestion is to go with the smaller one first. Of course I know my “ego” is pointing me to the longer triathlon and I need to get my ego in check. My ego has gotten me into trouble over the years and I will probably take the advice of my friend. I do need to find a road bike if I am serious about triathlons and I do need to get into the pool because this will be the hardest part of the training. I haven’t done any significant swimming in years but I think training for a triathlon will be a nice change of pace.

My workout was over and I had some work to do at home before I made my way into the office. Once again I found myself in a regular office environment. I was working on a project that has been a never ending but I finally received a resolution. I am amazed when dealing with customer service representative that the correct information is solely dependent on who I would speak with. I finally got someone who understood what I was asking and the resolution was at hand. There were a few people working on this same project prior to me taking it over and I was very happy to put the issue to rest. The rest of the time in the office I spoke with a few people about some business ideas and these are always good conversations. I can’t help but to think how fortunate I am to be in this situation and I do owe it all to recovery.