"Disturbing" Evening

The day ended with me at the Monday Gamblers Anonymous Speaker’s meeting. I am so happy that I was asked to Secretary this meeting and last night was my second meeting as Secretary. I haven’t been a Secretary since my first year in the program and that was a wonderful experience. I shared that experience with another member who unfortunately is no longer associated with Gamblers Anonymous. I realize many people come in and out of the program but there are a few people I met in my first year associated with Gamblers Anonymous that I do miss.

I do miss this person I was the Co-Secretary with because we had so very good conversations. I remember one such conversation where the subject was about going back to gambling. My belief is that as long as I am associated with the Gamblers Anonymous Program and follow the principles in the program I will not gamble. The person I was speaking with was adamant that they would not go back to gambling ever. I don’t know what happened to this person and I do hope they have not returned to the insanity. I do know that the only way I can be sure that I won’t go back to the insanity is practicing the principles of the Gamblers Anonymous Program. I have attempted to overcome my compulsive gambling addiction but that only lead me to prison sentence. Thankfully I have been given a second (actually a third chance!) chance and because of the GA Program I am making the very best of this opportunity.

The meeting was very good and yes, I got to know so much more about a fellow member. I was concerned during the meeting that this fellow member did not have a typical gambling addiction but as the talk went on I discovered that it may have not been “typical” but this person was in the right place. This person was in the right place because it is the place to recover. That is the bottom line and the program continues to enhance my life each and every day.

As I was making my way home from the meeting I received a disturbing text message and when I got home I was filled in on the cryptic text message. I realize that bad things happen and when bad things happen to loved ones 3,000 miles away I truly understand the meaning of being powerless. There is nothing that I can do other than listen and pray everything will be okay. I did feel bad and knowing the severity didn’t make things any better. However; the concept of powerless is very present in my life and thankfully the “Serenity Prayer” does come in handy. I have to trust and believe everything will work out for the best.

This was the second set of disturbing news I received last night and once again the first set brought to bear the whole being of powerlessness. I was not equipped for that news and all I could do is listen. (By the way all of this unsettling news is about loved ones.) I was hoping to come up with some “pearls of wisdom” but all I could do is stay silent. Life is indeed complicated and it is an interesting journey. At times life becomes unbelievable journey and thankfully I have the consistency of recovery in my life to understand “things happen”. When I was fixated with my compulsive gambling ways I would do my best to professionalize this behavior but I was only fooling myself and missing the good stuff that life brings. Now in recovery even with the disturbing news I know my life is so much better than it has ever been and gambling is a detriment to my well being. I am fortunate to be in my current position and I do my very best to embrace each and every day even the not so good days.

I thought I may have had difficulty in sleeping but I somehow managed to fall asleep very quickly. My subconscious was having a field day but this was to be expected. The morning came around and unlike yesterday our room was only inhabited by those who normally belong. The morning ritual came and went very quickly and the children were off to school. I returned to the gym to try my hand at two of the disciplines in the triathlon. I rode the bicycle for 30 minutes at a fairly high intensity and subsequently ran 9 miles. I slowed my pace down considerably from my previous marathon training because I am trying something different. I am training for a marathon in addition to the triathlon but I need to watch my intensity. I think I peaked too early for the last marathon and my intensity was much too high. I am dial this back and adding more miles in addition to getting outside for the long runs. Hopefully these changes will translate into making up those few minutes so I can say I qualified for the Boston Marathon.

The session at the gym was very good and I was encouraged how well I felt after completing the bicycle and running session together. I have never attempted this before and now I need to get into the pool to try my hand at swimming. This is indeed encouraging and I have to admit I was becoming a little burnt out on my running regimen but am energized with the addition of the bicycling along with the prospect of swimming. This is a wonderful way to start my day and it was another very good day. I even incorporated my new endeavor into my day’s work and that went very well.