That Old "March Madness"

I have made it a point to post a blog daily even though lately those blogs have been written a few days after. Lately with my new positions and everything else that happens in daily life it has gotten increasingly difficult to make the time necessary for the postings. This (the blog) is a large part of my recovery and something I enjoying doing it but it has become apparent that posting daily may not happen on a consistent basis. Instead of going back to those days that I have missed I am only going to report on “interesting” (at least they are interesting to me!) events because let’s face it getting up, going to the gym, going to work, coming home or attending a Gamblers Anonymous meeting or attending my children’s sport activities are the events in my life and there really isn’t anything much outside of those events.

These are very important events to me because I missed two years of my family’s events and now having been given a second chance by so many people and have been afforded this second chance through recovery I am making the very best of each day. Just because I don’t post on a given day doesn’t mean I wasn’t grateful for that day since I continue to learn to be grateful appreciative and blessed for everything in my life. I have decided to write when I make the time and just like Gamblers Anonymous it is up to me to make that commitment and honor that commitment. If I don’t have GA and recovery in my life I will go back to my old ways and those ways just didn’t work out very well. I don’t want to go back to those old ways because I love the new ways of living one day at a time.

I would be remiss to not mention an event that happens annually and for so many years was something I thought I enjoyed tremendously. This event is the NCAA Men’s College Basketball Tournament or more commonly referred to as “March Madness”. I can remember those days early on in my career where I would take off work just to watch 12 plus hours of college basketball and would most likely have placed a wager on all of those games that transpired in the early rounds of the tournament. Not only would have I wagered on the games but I would have thrown an entry or 10(!) into the various pools as the “brackets” have been placed in just about any office across the country.

I had a very big wake-up call four years ago and four years ago when the NCAA tournament started I was sitting in the county jail prior to being very fortunate to make bail on my case. I didn’t want anything to do with that tournament and subsequently in four years I have stayed away from wagering on anything along with filling out a bracket. I realize that there are many people who don’t consider filling out those office sport pools as gambling but according to the definition of gambling as it relates to me in the Gamblers Anonymous program those office sport pools and for that matter a bracket sheet that isn’t in an office sport pool is a road to ruin for me.

This is the first year in four years that I have actually been aware of the tournament and I had to laugh remembering how stupid I was for such a long period of time. I have actually won one of those office pools but that didn’t matter because of the 65 games that transpire during the tournament I am sure I had wagered on at least 80% of them and no matter if I won or lose I always lost in the end. Gambling for me is a losing proposition and now realizing that the next foray would lead to my ultimate lonely death I choose recovery and can only say “No, thank you,” when someone asks me to fill out one of those brackets even if it is for bragging rights. I do realize that no good can come of “innocently” filling out a bracket because inevitably my bad thoughts would re-occur and I would be even in a worse situation. I was very happy to just watch the college basketball game that was on at the gym and thankfully there weren’t any urges that accompanied me watching the game.

This morning was more of the usual as I was at the gym for a 10 mile run which went very well. I had someone come up to me and compliment me on my running while asking how far I had run. My response was “Only 10 miles” and one of the guys who I have spoken with before about running commented with a sarcastic “Gee only 10 miles??” I had to laugh because as I said it I try to downplay the number of miles because to me that really isn’t much of run but to many other people it is quite an accomplishment. It was just another day for me in the many days leading up to the marathon at the end of next week which I explained to this very nice person who was speaking with me. I am very fortunate (actually beyond fortunate) to be able to run and enjoy what I am doing; hopefully this shows.

As usual after the gym it was on to the office where lately getting things accomplishment is getting increasingly difficult. I have taken on new duties and these duties seem to take up a bulk of my time but I do need to do a better job of prioritizing. I did make a mistake this week and thankfully I have bosses who do understand. I have to get used to the idea that I am being given a great deal of latitude along with responsibility. I have had positions in the past but as I re-enter the workforce I have been a bit “cautious” always deferring to those that make the decisions. Apparently I am now once again one of those who can make those decisions so it is an adjustment that I will get through rather quickly. For now I will make mistakes but hopefully those mistakes will be minimized as the weeks pass.