"Previous" Life Happenstances

I couldn’t wait for the Gamblers Anonymous meeting yesterday afternoon. I was filled with all the knowledge from the conference over the past three days and really wanted to share this information. It was good that I didn’t do much of anything yesterday afternoon prior to the meeting because the down time did me well. It came time for the meeting and I was the first one to share. There were three other members who attended the meeting yesterday that also attended the recovery day at the conference and each one of them were very impressed with the day’s events.

I must admit I was much jazzed with all the good stuff at the conference especially the final day. I can remember attending conferences in my “previous” life and I didn’t put much into these conferences. My mind was certainly somewhere else in all of these conferences. There was one particular conference which was held in Las Vegas and I attended only one session over a three day period. No, I didn’t spend all of that time in the casino because in my deep denial of being a compulsive gambler I wouldn’t allow myself to spend more then a few minutes in the casino. Of course, I was placing all kinds of wagers on the internet over this period and it was clear I was anything but focused. It is so nice to be able to concentrate on the task or in this instance the conference’s session at hand. The more I think about my “previous” life the more I come to realize I was just a fool.

This brings me to a situation which happened at the conference and yes, it had to do with when I encountered a person from my “previous” life. My dear friend seemed to make it a point to introduce me to anyone and everyone even when I wasn’t by my friend’s side. Apparently according to my dear friend was mentioning me to another person at the conference and the characterization of “he is nothing but a crook” came to pass as this person referred to me. My dear friend of course defended me but the person’s mind would not change.

This is very real and something I must deal with the rest of my life. Thankfully I can accept these comments as something I cannot change nor control. People will think what they want to think and it is up to me to continue doing the right things as I progress in recovery. I know what I did was wrong but there is nothing I can do to change any of the past. I focus on today and today is wonderful.

I was having a conversation with one of the world’s most influential gaming attorneys and the conversation surfaced on people doing bad things. This attorney did not know my back story and took the position that once a person makes a mistake they need to be punished and there is little redemption after that point. Once again, I can’t change this person’s mind I can only add what I believe to be true. I believe everyone deserves a second chance after a mistake.

People such as me do bad, stupid and illegal things but that doesn’t make them a bad person. The action is bad but not the person. When the person called me a crook I took no offense because I certainly did a crooked thing however I am not a crook (in my best impression of President Nixon!!). Whether or not people deserve a second chance is not up to me at this point and I tried to rely the fact that people can redeem themselves. I’m not sure if the attorney believed me or had any credence in what I was saying but that is how I feel.

Back to the GA meeting yesterday afternoon which was very good and on the way home I drove with my dear friend and we got into a very good conversation actually a series of conversations. I find I am now forthright more so then I have ever been. I believe this is a combination of my recovery and what I learned when I was incarcerated which are very similar. The key for me is today is all I have and I want to make the very best of it. I don’t want to lie, cheat or steal anymore and living honestly is the way. The conversation was great and made an exclamation point on the excellent GA meeting.

The evening was over and it was time to go to sleep. This is my last week with my good friends and I am forever indebted to them for opening up their home to me over the past four months. It has been a very good four months and now it is time to move on. I am moving on in a very positive manner as my family will return very shortly. I am anxiously awaiting Wednesday morning to find out whether or not I will be able to travel to New Jersey and drive back with my family.

I woke up and decided to take a different tack this morning regarding working out. Normally my day off from working out is today (Monday) but I know at the end of this week I will be very busy moving so I wanted to workout today. Instead of my normal 2 ½ hour plus workout I purposely got out of bed later then usual before heading off to the gym. I did a few things differently this morning but still got in an outstanding workout. I didn’t do cardio for my usual hour plus instead I settled for a very intense 20 minutes and this 20 minutes felt like some of my two hour cardio routines. I am a creature of habit which is why it is good for me to breakout out of these habits with subtle changes. This may not sound like much but please believe me this is a huge step for me.

The workout was over and I headed to the office. I had some work waiting for me when I got in since I hadn’t been in the office since last Wednesday. I gathered up the work and methodically plodded my way through. I was anxiously waiting lunch time because this is when I would sign the lease on the house. Lunch time did arrive and I headed over to our new house. The lease signing went very smoothly and I was given the keys and garage door openers. It was official the house is now ours for the next 12 months and I walked around the house with a big smile on my face. Wow, two years ago almost to the day we were packing up our house and moving out. Now, we are moving in which I will be doing in a few days. The house couldn’t be anymore perfect in terms of size and location. I know everything happens for a reason and we are moving in this house for a reason, life is certainly grand!!