Can't Run from my Past

It was a very fun evening and having our first “guests” (which really shouldn’t be categorized as guests since they are extremely good friends and more like family than friends) went very well. The evening and the day came to an end. I was up early this morning because I had a full day planned. I was up early so I could get to the gym and do a very aggressive 12 mile run in preparation for my marathon training which commences next week.

The run went well and I was even able to carry on a conversation with a good friend of mine. This conversation was very bizarre because my friend was asking about something I thought he shouldn’t be even considering. I couldn’t make any difference so I just listened. I understand that everyone has their own ideas and who am I to “talk” anyone out of anything. I did attempt to make some sense but when a person’s mind is made up a person’s made is most certainly made up.

As the run ended I showered and started my Saturday. Today was the day of my first Board meeting with the California Council on Problem Gambling. The meeting was taking place in a casino about an hour and a half away from where I live. It may seem strange that this meeting would take place in a casino but upon further inspection it makes a great deal of sense. Most of the funds for this association come from the casinos and this could be construed as the “fox watching the hen house” but in the world of politics and this is politics there are some strange bedfellows. It is not for me to question why because the association would not be in existence if it weren’t for these funds.

I made the drive and parked the car. Unfortunately I parked on the wrong side and had to walk through the casino to get to the meeting rooms. I didn’t have any urges walking through the casino but I did have some regrets. I lost a very good career in this same industry and walking through did break back memories. Yes, my life is now better in recovery and this is what I focused on as I made my way to the meeting rooms.

I located where the meeting was being held and I was a few minutes ahead early. I met with one of the principals on the elevator. I have known this person for the past three years and was one of the reasons I was even at the meeting. I was excited about the meeting and looked forward to the start. Slowly but surely the board members entered the room and I knew about half of those members and the other half I have met in other venues.

The meeting started and I was not disappointed. The agenda called for six hour meeting and I was worried the board meeting would become a “bored” meeting. It wasn’t boring in anyway and I learned a great deal during the day. At the end of the meeting came the time for me to tell a little bit about myself and why I wanted to be a board member. I gave the much shortened version of my story and focused on the past three plus years as I progress in recovery. I was nominated for a seat on the board and I had to leave the room as the members discussed my possible place on the board.

I was outside in the hallway much longer than I anticipated and had a feeling what was going on inside of the room. I guess my position is “unique” and I didn’t hold anything back when I gave my background because there are no secrets in my recovery. Yes, I am an ex-felon who stole from a very prominent casino in Southern California which is a donor to the association. I certainly don’t want to upset the “apple cart” and I do understand politics. One of the board members came out and told me what had transpired inside the meeting room. I was told that there isn’t one person on the board that was against me being on the board; however; the legal counsel must be contacted because of my “felony” status and also the executive committee must make a decision on whether or not it makes sense for me to be on the board in hopes of not offending the prominent casino operation where I committed my transgressions.

I was very happy to hear a candid recap of what was said and was very grateful for the opportunity to attend the meeting. I want to help not hurt the council and if I were on the council it could possibly have ramifications. I was told that in a few weeks I will be contacted if I can be on the council and the next part would be a vote in the next meeting in December. The process is being nominated at one meeting and being elected in the next so this is the protocol. I don’t mind and if this isn’t meant to be than it isn’t meant to be.

I have no right nor will I be angry for these circumstances these are things I must deal with and I will. I was greeted with nothing but well wishes when I reemerged in the meeting room. Everyone was very positive and I couldn’t have asked for anything else. I will accept whatever happens and move forward from there. At the very least I had an experience which does help my recovery and I know as long as I stay focused in recovery my life continues to get better.