Puppies for Sale???

On Friday afternoon after my daughter’s softball practice we drove by a Golden Retriever Puppy which was for sale. This was located in an ideal spot for my daughter to notice and oh boy did she notice!! If anyone has ever seen a golden retriever puppy than you know how adorable they are and my daughter started right in with “I want a puppy!” This continued and still continues today from Friday. My wife is not exactly “pet friendly” and has never owned a dog let alone a puppy. The extent of my wife’s pet rearing was a rabbit and to this day I don’t understand the purpose of having a rabbit in a suburban home. That is neither here nor there but it does illustrate the point that my wife is not exactly keen on having a pet.

I on the other hand was raised with a variety of dogs from Dalmatian to a Poodle and few more in between not to mention the Basset Hound that got lost because he couldn’t pick up his head. I wouldn’t mind having a dog but we aren’t exactly certain if we are allowed to have a pet in the house. The first step would be to contact the landlords to see if we could even have a dog and if we can’t the discussion is moot. This was convened to my daughter along with my son and my son being who is volunteered to call the landlord to inquire about the pet. My daughter said she would do “anything” (with the exception of picking up the dog poop which once again my son volunteered his services to pick up the dog poop) we asked of her if we could get a dog.

Over the course of this weekend my daughter has gone on the internet and searched for dogs. She narrowed her search down to a West Highland Terrier (because my sister’s family has one) in Arkansas. Thankfully she didn’t have access to a credit card because I think she may have ordered it off of the internet!!! I spoke with her and informed her that purchasing a dog off the internet sight unseen is not such a good idea and if we were able to get a dog we would go to the local animal rescue or pound. This didn’t seem to satisfy her need to have the dog now but I was able to persuade her from wanting a puppy because puppies require a great deal of work.

My daughter even presented an essay titled, “The Reasons I want a Dog” which she is still working on. The only reason I know of this is because I saw out on the computer and I was informed this is still in “rough draft” status. My daughter is determined to have the dog and somewhere over this week I think I will pull out the lease agreement on the house and see if a dog is an option. I think having a dog would be a good idea for the family and the dog my daughter wants seems to fit our household. My sister has had a West Highland Terrier for a number of years and my interaction with her dogs has always been good so we shall see what will happen.

Today being a Sunday meant a very leisurely morning but we had “chores” to attend to because we were having our dear friends over for a picnic. My wife first broached the subject of having a picnic early this week and I was all for it even expanding the guest list but as I glanced around the house I realized we weren’t ready for more than our dear friends. I would love to invite all of our friends and their families but the house is not ready. The family room is incomplete and the house isn’t exactly “kid friendly” at this stage. The house will be ready when its ready and we will be able to entertain more than one family at a time but for today it was just our two families.

We had to clean off the patio set outside which had been sitting there for the past two months ever since it was moved out of storage. My wife was in one of those moods where I could do nothing right and thankfully I recognize these moods well in advance. This is something I do need to work on because when my wife gets in these moods I basically stop doing anything that is asked of me. I stop because it never seems to be good enough and my wife always seems to do it herself. I try to interject my “wisdom” which doesn’t go over so well (to say the least!) but I do know my place I just need to keep my mouth shut!!!

Our dear friends came over in the afternoon and we had a great time. These are very dear friends and I can’t believe we have been separated from these wonderful people for the past two years because we have picked up where we left off. After dinner we played a board game and this time it wasn’t my favorite of Pictionary; the game was called “The Last Word” and we laughed all evening long. The children were upstairs and for the most part were being extremely good. There was a minor meltdown by our son later in the evening but prior to this everything was great. The laughter was contagious and there were a few “I am going to pee in my pants” moments which always provide great fun!!!

The evening came to an end and our dear friends took our children home with them giving us a “kid free” evening. This was so very nice of them and yes, these are more than great friends. This was a wonderful way to spend the day and evening with our very dear friends. The moments continue and life continues along a great positive path.

"Hitting Machine"

The evening came to an end with a usual our pizza from our dear friends’ restaurant. Everything continues to come together and the evening was very quiet. We talked about watching a movie but this never came to pass as we were busy doing other things and really the family room is not exactly conducive to watching a movie. We are still without any furniture in the room other than the beat up recliner and glider. These are very sufficient now and my television viewing has decreased tremendously since the conclusion of the Olympics. I did watch a little of the Democratic National Convention which made for some good television.

I am forced to “sit on the sidelines” this presidential election which could be a good thing for me. I don’t know who I would vote for and realistically I don’t know if I could pull the lever for either candidate. My political leanings are more left than right but I try to go for the best candidate regardless of the party affiliation. I see flaws in both candidates and do believe the next four years will be a challenge for either candidate. I won’t go into my political views on either candidate because that would be even more boring than a normal post!!! I will keep my opinion to myself.

I was awake early this morning and off to the gym for an 18 mile run. I am about half way through the training regime and today marked one of the longer runs to date. I had to get to the gym with enough time to get back home in time for my son’s baseball practice. My timing was very good and my run was just as good. I felt great the whole way and an idea about my new position popped into my head while I was running. It is amazing where these things come from because I wasn’t necessarily thinking about the new position yet the idea simply appeared. This is one of those ideas where it probably needed to occur yesterday since it was tied to a conversation I had yesterday. However; all is not lost because I really like the idea and somewhere down the road I will be able to use it.

The run was over and I came home to pick up my son for his baseball practice. My wife would be joining us this morning as well because one of our friends was at the ball field with their son and they wanted to talk. The practice went well and once again I was on the field helping out. There were about half as many boys due to the holiday weekend but this did not deter those in attendance to make the best of the practice.

I was watching my son and I am not sure if baseball is his optimum sport. My son likes to be in motion and today I watched as he fielded his position. Of all the boys on his team he seemed to be the one who was most ready. My son was always on his toes and baseball is a game of patience since some positions don’t see any action. My son thrives on action which is why he seems to excel at soccer. He is constantly running towards the ball in soccer but in baseball he needs to be more stationary. I think he would be better served playing soccer in the spring time which once again presents a conflict. All of these sports run together with baseball overlapping with soccer in the fall and spring. I also believe my son would be very good at football but my wife is hesitant to make this leap with good reason.

Yes, my son was in constant motion at the practice and when it came his turn at bat he didn’t fare so well. There are many moving parts to his swing which causes him to miss the ball. There is nothing that won’t be cured without practice and we will practice his batting. He only hit two balls out of the ten and those two balls were fouled off. I think his eyesight is fine and it does come down to more practice. He didn’t seem down at all after his batting session and moved right back on the field. He does have a wonderful attitude and as long as he is doing something he is a very happy boy.

My son’s baseball practice concluded and we headed home for a few hours before my daughter’s softball practice would commence. The children just relaxed and I puttered around the house for a few hours. Now it was time for my daughter’s practice and off we went again. This is pretty much what it will be like for the near future and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I missed this activity for two years and hopefully there won’t be any complaints from me. I enjoy watching my children and this afternoon my daughter was a “hitting machine”. My daughter’s softball coach is wonderful and has the girls in constant motion. Today was devoted to hitting and each girl took their turn for a lengthy batting session.

My daughter was one of the last girls to hit and I was simply amazed as to how well she hit the ball. I lost track as to how many hits she got but I do know she only missed the ball once. The first pitch from the pitching machine was returned right back up the middle and hit the pitching machine. My daughter was in a “zone” and couldn’t miss the ball. She hit everything pitched and her hits were up the middle, to the left and to the right.

This little girl had it “going on” and took a huge step in her softball prowess. I could hear the coaches saying, “We got another hitter.” Yes, she was hitting the ball great and when her batting session was over the parents in attendance gave her a huge ovation. Everyone noticed how well she hit the ball and she was grinning from ear to ear. Now I know who to turn to for hitting instruction for my son!!! Seriously, it was an amazing display of hitting and she was truly the “hitting machine”!!!!!

Recovery Continues to Improve my Life

One window has closed yet another has been opened as this morning arose. My brief tenure has concluded and this afternoon I have a meeting with my new endeavor. In the meanwhile I am enjoying every moment of every day which during the week starts with getting the children off to school. This year the children are riding their bikes to and from school with mostly my wife following them. We live only two blocks from the school and it is a very brief bike ride along with a very brief walk. The children have yearned for their bicycles ever since they got back from New Jersey. There wasn’t much bike riding in the past two years and now they are more than making up for it with being on their bicycles just about every day. This morning with breakfast completed and the morning rituals complete they were off to school.

I was a bit concerned with everyone this morning because our children went to sleep much later than usual as we arrived home from the baseball game later than the intended bedtime. This did not deter either my daughter or son. My son does emulate me with getting out of bed where he just pops up and starts the day. My daughter also emulates me with her intermittent sleep patterns where the slightest sound wakes her up. I do believe my son has gotten the best of this; however; in spite of my daughter less than “human” attitude in the early morning she does well with her sleep patterns. Anyhow they were both up well within the allotted time to get to school.

They were off to school while I stayed behind tending to some chores. This morning was a relaxing morning for me as I planned to take my bicycle out for a ride while my wife got her haircut. My wife has found a person who comes to the house to cut her hair but I’m not sure how this is going since this person just came last week and is coming back for a return visit. I’m not sure if that is a good sign but all I knew is I had to be out of the house by mid day. This is when I had planned to take my bicycle out for a spin.

I did take my bicycle out for a spin and what was supposed to be a leisurely ride turned into a mountain/dirt bicycling experience. When I was looking for a bicycle I really wanted a road bicycle so I can turn my attention to triathlons sometime next year. However; these bicycles were well out of my current price range so I decided to purchase a light weight mountain bike. It is certainly a light weight frame but I was warned that the fat tires cause more “drag” making the road cycling more challenging. This is not the bicycle for triathlons because this bicycle makes the cyclists work that much harder. However; in the meanwhile it is a great training cycle as at some point in the coming year I will uprgrade to the road bicycle.

Since it is a trail/mountain bike I took it on some trails around our development. I went places I had never seen before and I can see why people get hurt on these bicycles. I attempted to ride up a very steep incline and that really wasn’t the problem. The problem occurred coming down the steep incline as I am not used to the speed nor the balance needed to navigate the ruts in the trail. This was a nice change of pace from running up and down hills but I have to admit I was a bit apprehensive at first. I rode the brakes all the way which wasn’t the proper technique needed. I’m not sure what is the proper technique as this is a certainly a work in progress for me. Thankfully, there weren’t any crashes nor any broken bones along the ride.

I had a great hour ride and because the day was warming up I got in a great sweat. I do equate my activities with sweat level and today the sweat level was high. I can see some differences between cycling and running. I can see why Lance Armstrong the 7 time Tour de France Champion stated that running a marathon is the hardest thing he has ever done. However; cycling especially with this mountain bike is very challenging. I could feel my lungs burning along with my legs. It is a great workout without all the jarring on the joints. There are pluses and minuses to both forms of exercise but for me it was a great change of pace and a wonderful way to spend an hour in the outdoors.

It is no secret I prefer running on a treadmill to running outside mostly due to the fact that I can “control” the running session more on the treadmill. I can gauge my pace and distance much easy from the treadmill but it is wonderful to get outside in the sunshine. I did enjoy the sunshine and my timing was perfect since my wife’s haircut had ended thus it was safe to return home, (I am being factious!) I did return home to a great shower and it was almost time for my meeting with my new employer.

The meeting went very well and I am enjoying this new endeavor more and more. My office will be at home and I only have to come in the office for certain meetings. I had a great brainstorm session with my new boss and another colleague. There appears to be a great deal of opportunity in this new position and I intend to take full advantage. I am responsible for my own schedule and it behooves me to work as efficiently as possible to reap the benefits. These are very intelligent people I am working with and I look forward to learning so very much. I was energized with this meeting and will “hit the ground” running come Tuesday my first official day of work.

I returned home in time to go with the family to my daughter’s softball practice. This worked out very well and the location of this practice is adjacent to the skate park which keeps my son occupied for the almost 2 hour practice. My daughter does enjoy softball and once again she is quite the player. She has great range in the field and a good “batting eye”. My son had a wonderful time with his scooter at the skate park going up and down the concrete structure. He has made enormous progress from last week where he was afraid to go into the structure now he is moving around without any issues. This was a wonderful way to end another wonderful week. Life in recovery is amazing and amazes me each and every day.

AWESOME EVENING!!!!

Today was made possible by two very dear friends of mine. A few weeks ago I wrote about possibly taking my son to a Major League Baseball game. We never made it to that particular game for a variety of reasons one being cost; however; today these dear friends of mine made it possible for not only my son to attend a Major League Baseball game but also our entire family which includes my wife and daughter were able to attend the game. I woke up with great anticipation for two reasons this morning. The first reason was the aforementioned baseball game and the second reason was this would be my last day with my current employer.

Normally I would have given my current employer a two week notice however; this position I have taken ever since I was release turned into more of a “volunteer” work rather than a normal paying job. I thought I would have to struggle through the early months in hopes of things turning round. The case was the opposite because there was some remuneration in the early stages but not very much in the later stages. I would have very much liked this position to have worked out since my boss is a very nice person but unfortunately I have a family to provide for and I do need a paying position. Thankfully through recovery I have found a wonderful opportunity which I commence next week and it is a place I have envisioned myself working even prior to my incarceration.

It is so amazing how things continue to work out for the very best. Prior to my sentencing I was offered a very good job at the Las Vegas Recovery Center but I was not able to take that position because of the sentence. While I was planning for my release I once again had the opportunity to work for this company but couldn’t take it because I am relegated to the state of California for the next 7 months while I serve parole. The position I am starting next week is for a company very much like the company in Las Vegas in fact the foundations are identical in so many ways. The position I will be starting next week is very different than the position in Las Vegas and I am excited since it is very different from what I have done over the years.

I will be entering the “sales” field and really there isn’t much selling as opposed to networking and just getting the information out. The company I am starting with is called A Better Tomorrow and I had done an interview prior to my sentencing from their offices and that interview brought at least three other compulsive gamblers into treatment and quite possibly more. I believe it was my goal to get my story out there in hopes of helping at least one person and it did do what was intended. Now I get to go out in the community and make the greater community aware of the recovery center and the services provided. Hopefully; I will be able to be of service for those in need of assistance. I am not so much selling a product; I am providing a service which will help people in the long run. This is very exciting and I will do my best.

I must admit I have not done my best work over the last few weeks as my morale was very down with my present employer. This is entirely on me because that was my choice and I admit this wasn’t the best decision. I tried to snap out of it but as things got worse in the office I became less motivated as the days passed. I have met so very good people in the office and at least one of them will be moving on with me in the coming weeks. I feel so bad for my current boss because things aren’t so good and the prospects of things coming around aren’t so good. This is so sad since so many people are going to be affected from the employees to the clients. I know that whatever happens it will be for the very best and I wish everyone the very best.

The day ended without much fanfare but there were a few hugs. I have learned a great deal in the last six months and this is exactly how it is intended for me. Without this opportunity I wouldn’t have had the next opportunity and I won’t forget what I have learned. I guess this is how life works when one window closes or as I have read; “when God closes a window He opens another”. I do believe there is a grand design to all this “madness” and I am enjoying each and every day one moment at a time.

The day and thus my brief tenure came to an end without much fanfare but with much happiness. I went home to gather the family so we could attend the Los Angeles Angels baseball game. The stadium is a little less than 60 miles away from our house but these 60 miles can take up to two hours because of the traffic. However; we were going against the traffic and it only took an hour to get into the parking lot. Everyone in the family was jazzed for the game and we looked like displaced fans as my daughter, son and I were wearing New York Mets shirts and New York Giants hats. We didn’t have an extra shirt for my wife so she went with the basic white shirt. We didn’t realize it was the week to the wear red to the stadium so we certainly looked out of place.

Looking out of place didn’t bother my son but my daughter was a bit self conscience hiding her Mets shirt with her baseball glove. In fact she made (it didn’t take much arm twisting especially when I see the look on my daughter’s face!) us purchase her an Angel’s shirt which she quickly changed into. As things turned out my son is on the Angel’s Little League team but didn’t receive his shirt just yet or we would have fit in!!! Anyhow we made our way to the seats which were very good seats. We came with food in tow because bringing food into the stadium is allowed but bringing in drinks is not prohibited. We came to find out later that bringing drinks in boxes such as juice boxes is allowable which would have saved us some money. This really didn’t matter because we had a GREAT time at the game.

The last time I was at a Major League baseball game with my family was 4 years ago as we watched the San Diego Padres play the New York Mets at Petco Park in San Diego. A great deal has changed in four years and all for the very best. Four years ago my eyes were fixated on the scoreboard wondering which of the many baseball games I had wagered on were going to win or lose. Today there was none of this and I was certainly in the moment.

We were Angel’s fans for the evening and what a great game it was. The Angels trailed 5 to 2 entering the bottom of the 8th inning and scored five times to win the game 7 to 5. My daughter was more into the game than my son and was watching every pitch in that 8th inning. She cheered along with everyone else and it was so cool. My son was more concerned with his next “snack” which consisted of a ham and cheese sandwich, peanuts, ice cream, chocolate chip cookie and a pretzel. It is amazing how much this little person eats but he is always in motion so he burns whatever he eats so quickly.

I planned accordingly and departed as the ninth inning started hoping the Angels closer would indeed close out the game. I was correct in this decision as we arrived at the car as soon as the game ended. We beat all of the traffic and an hour later we were home. It was a WONDERFUL evening with WONDERFUL family moments. My dear friends made this all possible which is another awesome benefit of recovery. What an incredible day and life is indeed AWESOME!!!!

Too Much Homework?

There are days that just seem to go by without much fanfare and today were one of those days. Last night my son did very well at his baseball practice and it was very cool watching the six to eight year old do their best at the baseball skills. My son had a good hit which even made it to the outfield and comparatively speaking this was one of the longest hits of the practice. I’m not sure what happens to my son when he steps on the field but he does seem more apprehensive than when we are practicing on the same field. I do suspect he will improve as the season continues.

There were several of my son’s teammates who became slightly bored with the practice that they actually sat down in the outfield. On one hand I am sad not to be an actual manager or coach on my son’s team but on the other hand I am a bit relieved. It is a difficult chore keeping 10 boys at this age engaged for a 2 hour period (which I think is too long and thankfully the practices will only be an hour and a half from this point forward) is a tough task. Also; there are parents who don’t realize that staying silent has its benefits so once again everything continues to work out the way it is meant to be.

This morning was a designed day off from working out since I went very hard yesterday and this “old” body needs the rest. Everyone was okay this morning and my daughter is getting better making her way to the breakfast table with enough time to eat and get to school on time. My son is a joy in the morning and is always at the breakfast table on time and has even enough time to play before departing for school. Everything went very well this morning and as I mentioned it was one of those days that nothing much happened.

When I was at the fire camp my roommate and I would spend so much time together there were points where we ran out of things to say. When these moments arrived we would state, “I got nothing!” Well today I really don’t have anything as well. I am wrapping up things at work and planning for my new position next week. The days go by so quickly and today went by in a flash. I was coming home from the office when the rest of the family was coming home from my daughter’s softball practice.

My daughter has “hit the ground running” with school and is doing more homework than ever before. In fact I think she is doing more homework than I did in college!!! That really isn’t saying much but my daughter is doing a great deal of homework. Tonight I think she had 3 hours of homework but most of this was in advance of tomorrow when we go to the Angels game.

My daughter wanted to have everything done before we went to the game which is why she was doing homework all night long. Even with the advance homework she does have a great deal of homework. This seems to be the complaint of many other parents with children in the fifth grade. I am all for more work if it is truly preparing the child for the future and from what I have seen most of the homework makes sense. I am hoping my daughter gets into a rhythm and the time spent on homework will decrease. It is still very early in the school year and to my daughter’s credit she hasn’t complained once about the amount of homework. I think the parents complain more than the child!

"Life Comes at You Fast"

There is a commercial (I think?) which has a premise of “life coming at you fast”. This maybe a very simple statement but it is true in my opinion. Life does come at me fast but it is up to me to make the best of life in every way possible. I do my best to make the best (okay that was a bit redundant, sorry!) each and every day.

This morning I took my time to not have life come at me so fast in sleeping in a bit late and getting to the gym later than normal. I have made it a point to be home in the morning to help our children with breakfast. At this point in their lives they really don’t need much assistance getting breakfast and my 7 year old son is quite proficient at pouring his own bowl of cereal. However; I enjoy being with them during this quiet period (at least that is the goal every morning!!) each and every day. In the past (which was prior to recovery) I would be up at the crack of dawn and on to the gym and from there on to work not even thinking about coming home until the evening. Now life is so much better making every day very special.

This morning there weren’t any blow-ups or anything of the sort as everyone was accounted for at breakfast. Yesterday my daughter had difficulty in getting out of bed but after a few stern words from me she got out of bed and apparently this stern talk carried over to this morning. My daughter is not the nicest person in the morning (that is an understatement) and she always seems to push my wife’s “buttons” in the early hours. I have tried my best to intervene and so far this has worked. The case in point was this morning as she came downstairs with plenty of time to have breakfast.

The time with the children does go quickly and before we all realized they had to go off to school. Off to school they went with my wife following them. My wife hasn’t found a job yet and this is in part due to the economy and our network of friends seems to be not connecting. I know something will happen and it will of course be for the best. In the meantime my wife is tending to the children and the house. The house is still in disarray with boxes everywhere. My son’s room is the only room closets to being complete as he even has posters and pennants on his wall. Our room is still a mess and my daughter wants to do her own room but with her activity and school schedule there isn’t much time.

The house is wonderful and we are enjoying it. The only drawback would be in the children’s rooms where there aren’t any ceiling fans and for some reason the air flow stops prior to their rooms. Our room is the coolest room in the entire house having great airflow with the windows open and even with the air conditioner on which we try to limit.

In our previous house we went to great lengths to have ceiling fans installed in all the bedrooms and the family rooms. This seemed to save considerably on our electric bill. Our electric bill so far has been very reasonable because we have limited the air conditioner but the children’s rooms are a bit warm in the evening. This being Southern California there is still many weeks remaining with warm temperatures so we are contemplating installing ceiling fans in the children’s rooms. We do need permission and we do need to find inexpensive fans so we shall see.

I was off to the gym where I have modified my workout schedule this week. I have noticed that I need a day in between my intense workout of the week and this is why I made the modification. I got in the intense workout this morning and these are getting more fun as I progress through the training program working toward the Long Beach Marathon.

After the gym I made my way into the office where I am clearing off my desk and my desk is a big mess. This is how I have always run my office and I guess I am just a disorganized organized person. (Does that even make sense?) Anyhow the day was cut short as I joined my son for his first Little League practice and that was great fun!! I was able to assist and enjoyed watching the boys’ field, catch, run and hit during the practice. It will be a great season for my son.

Fantastic Birthday Greetings

As we pulled into the driveway last night from our very lovely dinner I noticed several birthday greetings hanging from the garage door. These were from our dear friends and were so thoughtful. I am continually blessed with so much goodness in my life in so many different aspects. These are great friends who have children the same ages as our children and most of the handiwork on the birthday greetings was done by these wonderful children.

I was very surprised to see these greetings and it brought an even bigger smile to my face. This was a very special birthday in the fact that I was with my family the entire day and we are a family all in the same place for the first time in two years. I am so happy that everything is coming together very nicely.

This is the beauty of recovery when I do the right things somehow the right things begin to happen. The first step occurred over three years ago when I entered that Gamblers Anonymous meeting for the first time in my life. I was well overdue to attend a meeting having denied my addiction for over 20 years but it is never too late. I have always been blessed well before recovery but was too much into myself to realize what I had. This had been taken away from me as I served my sentence and thankfully I am finally realized how wonderful my life really is.

In Gamblers Anonymous the combo book states that “knowing why we gambled is not important” but this I believe is to get the newcomer to focus on not gambling then moving forward in recovery. Patience is a key virtue of the program and thankfully I understand the keys of the program and I do know why I gambled which can be summed up in the “ego” phrase of “because I could”. My damn entitlement led me down the road to disaster but through GA which begets humility I am slowly getting better. I am not entitled to take away the future for my wife, children and myself who are why I live one day at a time. These days are incredible and the very nice touch of having birthday greetings on the garage door brought chills to me.

This morning would mark my last week with my current employer and in spite of all that has happened over the six months I still want to do the right things. I have some unfinished business which I hope to clean up this week before I start my new job next week. These are very kind people and I don’t want to leave them stranded. I do have an obligation to provide for my family and my current position left me no choice. It is very difficult to provide for my family when I was not getting paid. I understand money is not the end all be all but it is necessary to function in this society. If things were going well with my current employer I wouldn’t be looking to move on but I have to do what is best and moving on is what it is best.

I was at the gym this morning and had a very nice run. I have noticed an improvement in my running over the past few weeks as the “easy runs” are certainly easy runs. I ran 9 miles this morning and it was one of those days where I could run forever; however I decided to stick to the training program and stopped at the 9th mile. At this point it was on to the office to complete some tasks. It really is ashamed what is happening because these are good people who will be out of work in the next few months if things don’t change. The definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result”. This is what is happening with my current employer. Change has to occur but unfortunately this change is very slow in coming.

I also understand through recovery that there are certain things I can control and certain things I can’t control. I can only “advise” but it is not up to me to make the decisions and my decision is to move on to a better opportunity. I wish everyone well and know things will work out for the very best.

This evening I attended the Monday evening GA Speaker’s meeting and once again these meetings are very powerful. The speaker this evening was a person who I have known ever since entering the program over three years ago and a person who most certainly “gets it” in everyway possible. The stories of everyone on how they got to GA are very moving and this was one of those stories.

Compulsive gambling is very destructive and has the ability to tear families apart much like other addictions. The main stream media doesn’t give compulsive gambling much “play” for whatever reason but there is some heartbreaking stories. Unfortunately the list seems endless; however; there is hope when a person enters recovery and the speaker last night shared their experience, strength and hope. As always I was very happy to have attended the meeting.

Birthday with the Family, Oh Yes!!!!

I had one of those very vivid dreams last night. This dream seemed so real I woke up with my heart in my throat and was very relieved to realize it was only a dream. The dream had me back at fire camp due to a “clerical error” in calculating my release date. I could see the colors (or lack there of!) of the fire camp and some of my former inmates were still at the fire camp. I had to serve another six months because my release date was calculated incorrectly. The odd aspect of the dream was me going directly to the fire camp by passing all those previous stops in between. In fact in the dream I was dressed in regular clothes waiting on the orange clothing.

I have not had a dream like this since my release almost six months ago. Yes, it is approaching the six month mark (officially it will be six months on Wednesday) and my how this time is flying by. I think I had this dream because I have been thinking about my former roommate who will be released next week. I remember saying to him when I departed that he had only six months remaining and those six months would go quickly. I’m not sure if the six months have gone as quickly for my former roommate as they have for me but in any case his release date is next Monday.

I was up in the early hours thanking God it was only dream because this is something I would label a “nightmare” as opposed to a dream. Thankfully I know as long as I stay focused in recovery my life continues to improve and I will only enter these types of places in dreams. As I woke up I looked at the clock next to the bed and realized it was exactly the time of my birth 43 years ago. Yes, today I turned 43 and it is the best birthday I have had in a long time.

I was very vague with my wife in what I wanted to do today and really we didn’t do much. However; what we did do was be all together in the same place for my birthday which was a huge departure from the previous two years. My stepfather summed it when he said, “I bet you today is a lot better than the last two birthdays!!” Fortunately I no longer bet but that statement is correct.

Two years ago I was in Central California sitting on bunk inside prison dorm with 200 other inmates and last year I was in Santa Barbara on a fire line with over 200 other firefighting inmates. Both years I made it a point not to tell anyone it was my birthday because really it was just another day I needed to get through. In recovery I got through those two birthdays hopefully a better person and today I just enjoyed every moment.

I was greeted early this morning by both my daughter and son. This is a big deal for my daughter because it cut into her weekend sleeping. My son is always coming into our bedroom in the early hours but it is always great to see him. We played around as a family and leisurely made our way downstairs. I wanted to go for a bicycle ride with my son and daughter first thing this morning. We rode our bicycles to a bagel shop and the local health food store. We purchased some bagels and other breakfast items and headed back home.

I purposely took the long way home convincing my son and daughter that this way was better than going up the big hill. I wanted as much time with them on the bicycle and we had a very good time. There was some complaining because the day was heating up and the temperature did go over the 100 degree mark. However; we pedaled our way home and had a wonderful brunch as a family.

The key for today was being a family. I thought about going to the beach and taking our bicycles but I didn’t want to drive so we just stayed home most of the day. I watched some of the Little League World Series with my son and some the golf match as well. We sat together and when we sit together we always enjoy ourselves. I did make my way back upstairs where the three of us (my daughter, son and me) where we had an impromptu game of baseball in the hallway. There was a great deal of laughter as we played baseball with one of those baseball pillows. This is what a birthday is meant to be and once again it was all about the family.

There weren’t any elaborate parties and we didn’t have to go here or there just the way I wanted it. I didn’t want to put any demands on my wife with making dinner or any else which would have taken away from the family. I received telephone calls from everyone in my family which is always very nice and I couldn’t help but to smile all day knowing how from I have come over the past few years.

Prior to my sentence the year I turned 40 I had many things circulating around me but my wife had a very nice 40th birthday party with friends. Today I didn’t want any parties I wanted to spend time with the family. I know I can never get back the time I lost in the past two years but I can make the very best of what time I have today. The best way I know is just being. Life does come quickly and sometimes there is more value in seemingly doing nothing than running around like a chicken with its head cut-off. I will take this doing nothing any day of the week as long as my family is with me.

Laughing, riding our bicycles and having a lovely dinner out were the perfect birthday for me. I received a very nice gift from my family; an Ipod. I have wanted one of these for awhile and now I can run to my hearts content listen to tunes. My daughter gave me the rundown on how to operate this piece of electronics and now I just have to download some songs. I even received an arm band so I can place the Ipod in the arm band as I run. This was a great gift but was not necessary because I had all I would ever want standing beside me in my wife, daughter and son. It truly was a remarkable birthday in every way imaginable; my life is incredible!!!!!

Saturday Splendor!!

Yesterday evening was spent with dear friends at the very “kid” friendly restaurant of Souplantation. We took advantage of the latest coupons from that establishment which made dinner for 8 extremely affordable. I must admit the web offers from Souplantation make it very difficult to stay at home because the pricing was very competitive to staying at home. We had a very nice dinner the 8 of us with the girls sitting together along with the boys sitting together and the adult at the end of the table. It does seem just like yesterday when we had to assist both our children with these types of restaurants (buffets) but now they are very self reliant.

With dinner concluded we continued the evening with a nice stroll around the local lake. The evening air was very comfortable and this is a very peaceful serene setting. Walking around the lake talking was a wonderful way to conclude the evening. There are the little touches that I have missed so much in the past two years and I will continue to savor these touches each and every time.

I had to be up early this morning because another good friend of mine had invited me to a golf tournament in Palm Springs. Palm Springs is about an hour and a half away so I had to leave the house very early for the very early tee time. I was honored to be asked by this very good friend and it was a wonderful way to spend the morning. I had played this same golf course two months ago with two other good friends as we spent the weekend golfing. Palm Springs this time of year is very hot (110 degrees) but the heat didn’t matter to me. Here I was lined up to play in a golf tournament sponsored by a Fortune 50 company. I have come a long way in a short period of time which is all due to recovery.

The golf game went well with only three us playing in the best ball tournament and no real “A” player we finished at one under par for the day. This was a day for the people who work for this very good company and I witness the camaraderie first hand. I have played in countless of these types of tournaments over the years and most of these occurred through my previous employer where my misdeeds happen.

I was going through a box in the garage the other day and I came across a photograph taken at one of these tournaments and in the photograph along with me were high level executives at the bank where all my misdeed were discovered. That is all in the past and all of the misdeeds are now behind me (once again) all thanks to recovery. I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to play in this tournament had it not been for recovery; there are some many “had it not been for recovery” that I have lost count. My life continues to get better all thanks to recovery.

It was a very good day and I made it back home in time for my daughter’s softball practice. We once again attended practice as a family and my son brought along a friend. I stayed with the boys watching them in the skate park while my wife watched my daughter practice. I did catch a few glimpses of the practice and my daughter was hitting the ball all over the place. She was hitting the ball well and talking with her coach after the game she has high hopes for our daughter as the third or fourth hitter along with possibly playing shortstop. My daughter does have very good range in the field and is coming along quite nicely.

The rest of the time I was with the boys as they rode their scooters around the skate park. This is a concrete structure built for skateboards and scooters where a great deal can go wrong which would cause bodily injury but the boys stayed injury free. They stayed injury free because they were so cautious going around the structure. I watched two other boys who were no more than 5 years old go up and down the ramps without hesitation. I guess it is all about practice which builds confidence. This was very fun watching the boys and after they were done with the skate park I followed them around the park on my bicycle.

I am enjoying my new bicycle because after we came home from practice I went on a bike ride with my son and daughter. We went around the very nice lake where a there were a few photo shoots going on as the sun was setting. We rode for almost an hour and returned home to a very nice dinner my wife prepared while we were out. It was a very enjoyable day which started early on the golf course and ended with family, life does get better in recovery!!!

Really; "It is Never Too Late!"

The days of leisurely moving in the morning are quickly coming to an end. Next week I start school for the first time in over 20 years. I am finally getting around to complete my bachelor’s degree and I don’t plan on stopping there as I will continue on to a Masters. I have heard “it is never too late” and I agree with not only my education but also my recovery. It is never too late to enter into recovery and yes, I ignored my compulsive gambling addiction for more than 20 years. However; now in recovery I am eternally grateful and no “it is never too late”.

While I spent over 19 months “away” I had a great deal of time to think about many subjects and one of these subjects was my education. Somewhere time has flown by and instead of having to complete one class I will enter into a 14 month program to attain my Bachelor’s degrees which will also set-up my Masters Degree thereafter. I can beat myself over why this has taken me so long but that would be counterproductive. The same can be said for my recovery. Yes, it has taken 20 years too long for both of these aspects in my life but there is no way I can turn back time. I can only utilize the time I currently have in the most productive manner possible. This is exactly why I will finish my degree in the next 14 months.

This morning with the children off to school I made my way to the gym where I would run over 16 miles. I am in week three of my training for the Long Beach marathon and all is going well. The distance and intensity of my training has increased from the San Diego Rock n’ Roll marathon mostly due to my competitive nature. I am not an Olympic athlete and at best I am a bit above average when it comes to running. However; this is something I enjoy and one of my goals would be to qualify for the Boston Marathon. This requires running 26.2 miles in less than 3 hours and 20 minutes. This would be five minutes faster than my personal best time which is why I have stepped up my training.

I was feeling very good this morning but that was after 10 miles as I completed the run I was feeling a bit fatigued and know I have a long way to go in the next 7 weeks. The Long Beach marathon is in 7 weeks and hopefully I can continue to improve on my training. Today was a very good day but do know I have a ways to go but once again time will pass and it is up to how I deal with this time. I will deal the best way I know which is staying positive.

With the run over I headed into the office where I spoke with my boss about my new position. I have given notice in the past and I do treat this as just business. However; my current employer did give me an opportunity that not many people would have and for this I am grateful. Things didn’t turn out how either of us would have liked and it was one of those “Catch-22” positions. If everything was going well for my boss I wouldn’t have had the opportunity I had and unfortunately things never did get better.

My boss took my departure very well and a very good friend of mine summed it as now some of the pressure was off my boss. I hadn’t been paid in awhile and when I started I was expecting much in the way of pay but had hoped I would earn this pay. Once again unfortunately things did not work out so well and now I am departing. I am grateful for the new opportunity and I am going with a company that is doing very well. This position is something new to me but I know I will do well having the proper tools to work with.

I wish my current employer very well but know they face a long road. I have to think about my family and providing for them which is why I am moving on. It certainly would have been nice if my current position worked out but I have learned a great deal about the counseling business. I will take this with me and this will help in my new endeavor. I didn’t give the customary two weeks’ notice but did volunteer my services going forward. I don’t want to burn any bridges no matter the circumstances and I will do what is right. It is right for me finish what I have started and hopefully there won’t be any hard feelings. I know the current situation is very tenuous but hopefully everyone can stay respectful; this is all I can ask for.

I departed the office and picked a bicycle I saw on Craig’s List. Craig’s List is a great resource for used items and I purchased a very reasonable used bicycle. As fate would have it the person who sold me the bicycle was moving back to the East Coast (New York City to be exact) because they couldn’t make their business work out here. I thought this was very apropos knowing my family has recently done the opposite. Anyhow I now own a bicycle so I no longer have to run along with my children as they ride their bicycles.

Later in the day we ventured out to our daughter’s softball practice where I rode this bicycle with my son as our daughter practiced. It felt great getting on a bicycle alongside my son and we had a great time. I also watched a little of my daughter’s practice and she is quite good. She is little for her age but she has very good eye hand contact. She certainly has come a long way in the past few years and who knows maybe she could earn a softball scholarship to college. Of course this a long way off so I will take it one practice at a time!!!

"Control" in a very Interesting Sense

“Mommy you can’t control me” was the retort by my daughter as my wife and her went back and forth about her bangs early this morning before school. There I times where I need to mind my own business and apparently this was one of those occasions. However; I am learning when to speak and when to remain silent and it does appear I have a long way to go!! I didn’t remain silent and basically became the referee between these two. I can see this is going to be a long road as my daughter approaches her teenage years which won’t “officially” occur for another two years but my daughter has always been mature for her age so we are getting there quicker. As I mentioned keeping my mouth shut would have been the operative thing to do but I did speak to both my wife and daughter. I explained to my daughter that we (my wife and I) as parents have the right to control you anyway we seem fit but do try to let you make her own decisions.

This is the approach I like to take because ultimately mom and dad won’t be around for the big decisions which I won’t list since it is a frightening list and my daughter is only 10 years old. I believe controlling the child is a negative mannerism and I am all about positive. There are times where control is the only way to go but “bangs” may not have been the appropriate subject for this discussion. Nonetheless I tried to impress upon my daughter that mommy is only doing what is best for you and if you can’t see because your bangs are in the way then a haircut maybe in order. My daughter wasn’t crazy with my words and on the same token I spoke with my wife about picking her battles properly. If we get hung up on the “little stuff” and really life is mostly made up of this little stuff; the big stuff becomes really complicated.

This was a wonderful way to start the day with my daughter pouting and my wife in a defiant stance. I did my best to bring levity to the situation reminding my wife that it really isn’t that important which didn’t go over well at first or maybe even second. In any event the two glaring parties calmed down enough to walk to school in relative peace. Yes, this is only the beginning and last night came another one of these moments as we discussed our daughter’s involvement in the band. I am all for trying seeing things and monitoring how things go but my wife is much more cautious.

The band is another commitment for our daughter to go along with the demands from fifth grade, softball and religious classes. Somewhere in between she has to be a 10 year old hanging out with her friends and having fun. I remember the extent of my activities were Little League and basketball which didn’t happen at the same time. I would play basketball every Saturday morning and after school and I don’t remember my parents participating much in these activities. I would go to practice by myself and walk to school on Saturday for the practices as well. Now there has to be a “shuttle” service transporting our children to and fro all these activities. I can see how life moves so fast because everyone is going a million miles an hour.

Apparently my daughter wants to be involved with the band because it is “fun” but upon further inspection I believe my daughter doesn’t want to fall behind since she just started playing next year. Being involved in the band would cause her to miss 30 minutes of class once a week and adds an additional 30 plus minutes of daily practice. We started adding up all the time my daughter would be involved with school and other activities; we had to stop at over 3 ½ hours on top of attending her normal 7 hours of school. There really isn’t much time to be a “kid” with all of this involvement.

The tricky part for us as parents is come across as less controlling than meets my daughter’s perception. I would like her involved with the band as long as she is having fun and learning something. This goes with all her activities. I’m not sure how this translates to religious classes but I think I am adding my own jaded perception to this but hopefully there will be some type of fun in that as well. We ended the conversation with having our daughter think about it and her initial comment was, “I don’t like making decisions” which gets us back to earlier this morning as my wife was too controlling in my daughter’s opinion. This is very confusing for a 10 year old and I would guess there are many parents who would automatically make the decision for their child but I do want my daughter in on the conversation. Ultimately my wife and I will make the decision we deem appropriate for our daughter but getting there is certainly a journey.

My son had his “tryouts” which were more of an evaluation as he had the opportunity to hit three pitches, field two ground balls and catch two pop-ups. He didn’t make contact on any of the pitches and in his defense a majority of the children didn’t make contact and the balls were coming in much faster than a seven year old can throw. He did well with the grounder but the pop-ups glanced off his gloves. I noticed that my son is lacking confidence when he gets on the field. I have practiced with him in the non-competitive environment and he is quite good but something happens to him when he steps on the field. I believe he will gain this confidence with the proper coaching and I’m not sure if he got the proper coaching in New Jersey since my son told me he didn’t like his coach because he was always yelling. I don’t know how true this is but last night none of the coaches were yelling they were there to instruct.

I can go back to my days as a teenager when I umpired the Little League games and couldn’t believe how much the coaches yelled at the players and me as the umpire. There was one coach who nearly came to blows with me as he disagreed with a call I made. I have never understood this and it still baffles me how adults can act younger than the children. Anyhow my son did his best last night and will be put on a team next week as practice will commence thereafter. It was great wonderful watching my son take part in this activity and I got to meet the person in charge of the league and shake his hand for the excellent email.

Finally, today I received word on a job opportunity and this is more of a career opportunity. I accepted and will start September 1st. This is a great opportunity and at the very least I will earn base which I can count on along with a very good commission structure. I am switching gears and getting out of administration into marketing. I look forward to this opportunity because my main job will be talking with people and building relationships. I am very excited and grateful for this opportunity.

"Back to School Night" 2008

The last time I attended a “Back to School” evening was two years ago and it felt incredible attending this gathering tonight. Over two years ago my daughter was entering the second grade. Okay hang on for a second because my math is a little “fuzzy”, my daughter is three years older than my son and is three years ahead of him in school.

When my family departed California two years ago my daughter completed the second grade and subsequently I have been “away” for third and fourth grade. We are now all together as a family (thank God!) and my son is entering the second grade and my daughter is entering the fifth grade. With all that stated when my family departed my daughter ended the second grade and now my son is starting the second grade. Could this be déjà vu all over again???

It may seem similar but all of the uncertainty of two years ago has now subsided and I am certain of recovery which continues to bless my life. Last night my wife and I sat in my son’s classroom at his little desk and listen to his teacher outline the year in front of them. I don’t have anything to compare this to because I was absent for the past two years as my children attended class in New Jersey. I can say my son’s teacher is very much like all the teachers my daughter has had out here in California. There is a level of caring and compassion that I believe is extremely helpful to all of the students.

One of my priorities was to get the children back in the same school that my daughter departed two years ago for a number of reasons. One of those reasons had to do with keeping everything consistent as possible and another reason had to do with the teachers and principal at this school. Once again our children have been blessed with very good teachers. My son’s teacher does seem to care for the children and is all about getting them ready for the next grade. My daughter couldn’t have gotten a better teacher as her teacher is “the toughest” teacher in the school.

This may have been the first time where I really listened to the teacher and paid attention to what was said. The curriculum appears to be consistent with what my daughter went through back in the second grade but what seemed to bother me was the lack of science. I have never been a big fan of science and never really liked it when I was in school; however; I realize the importance. The focus for the children is on math and language arts which does make sense but there does need to be more of an emphasis on the sciences not just a throwaway subject at the end of the day.

I look at my daughter who is a very good student but she does not like science at all. I have read all of those reports which state that the children in the United States are following behind the rest of the world in math and science and now I see why. Language Arts, Mathematics and Science are three very important subjects yet the infamous “state testing” only focuses on Math and Reading. I won’t go on because I don’t have any solutions to this dilemma especially when the teachers in our schools have to pay for their own copies. I found this comment appalling because of my 19 ½ month stint in the California Department of Corrections where there is so much waste.

Yes, the teachers have to pay for their own copies because of the budget cuts. I guess the politicians and the state legislators don’t understand that it all starts and end with education. When I was on my “sojourn” I had to tutor many other prisoners because they couldn’t read beyond a fourth grade level. I am not saying this is the answer to the problems that plague this state in terms of crime but it is an integral part. If someone is lacking in education which many (a large majority of the folks I met) of my fellow inmates were than problems will arise.

This state can spend billions of dollars housing inmates for “public safety” reasons but can’t fork over money for copy papers that the teachers need to teach. This is tantamount to an employer saying to an employee; yes, you can join our company but you need to bring your own supplies and computer.

I had a conversation with another person about this subject and I was told I should run for the school board. This person did not know my pasts so I am a bit prohibited from seeking any public office but something has to be done. Once again I offer no solutions and I am just getting this off my chest because I was embarrassed for our society.

Maybe it isn’t such a big deal and my son’s teacher didn’t make a big deal of this but it is a big deal. My mother was a teacher for over 30 years and I never really understood the inner workers but now with my eyes open and the fact that I may become a teacher in a few years I can see the frustrations.

Okay enough of my bellyaching; the back to school night was wonderful and I was so happy to be there. I will miss the back to school night tomorrow for our daughter because I am taking my son to his Little League tryouts and the times conflict. My wife is going to the back to school night and I look forward to talking with her regarding our daughter’s teacher.

Blessed Dear Friends!!!

I departed the office last night before the Monday evening Gamblers Anonymous meeting. I hate to belabor the point but in my quest for balance I would not attend the meeting last night in favor of going tonight. I wanted to see a very dear friend of mine who had once again “came through” for me and my family.

I had written about possibly attending a baseball game a few weeks ago with my son and we couldn’t make it but through the miracles in the program my dear friend had “somehow” acquired tickets to a Los Angeles Angels (that looks weird!!) game next week not only for my son and I but for our entire family. My dear friend was bringing the tickets to the GA meeting tonight and once again I am eternally grateful for all the friendships I have attained in recovery.

This dear friend not only brought the tickets for the game but “schwag” (a term for goodie bag) for all of us. These dear friends are so thoughtful because in the “care” packages were two backpacks; one for my daughter and one for my son. My daughters backpack contained two large packages of “Cracker Jacks” (a baseball game wouldn’t be complete without this snack!), an Angel’s baseball complete with stand so the players can sign, and an American Girl magazine. My son’s backpack contained the Cracker Jacks and baseball along with baseball cards and fun book on baseball. Also my wife and I were given a very large package of peanuts; once again a baseball game wouldn’t be complete without peanuts!!

I was once again blown away by the thoughtfulness of these dear friends. As if this weren’t enough this dear friend invited me to play in a golf tournament this Saturday and as the “activity” schedule was checked I could attend the golf tournament. These are the same friends who came to visit me when I was in the “real” prison so I wouldn’t have to be alone for my first Christmas away from my family. These were the same friends who made it a point to come visit me as soon as I arrived at the fire camp and many times thereafter. I won’t forget those visits and the incredible selflessness of these dear friends.

These are people I didn’t know over three and half years ago and now they are very dear friends. Actions speak louder than words and these dear friends have very special actions that continue to touch my life so much.

I brought these incredibly thoughtful gifts home to my family and my wife was also blown away. My daughter was very grateful and all my son could say was “cool” as he rifled through the backpack. He quickly opened the baseball cards and was very impressed with everything he had been given. Wow; these are incredible people and I am eternally grateful for all that they have done and continue to do for me and my family; THANK YOU!!!!

Today was a “normal” day at the office and I was awaiting word on my proposal. I did get some feedback and it was positive. I have a very good relationship with this person and I could tell that the proposal was right where it should have been; not too low and not too high. We still need to address some specifics but the end result was “we will work something out”.
The Gamblers Anonymous meeting was very good and once again I cannot say enough about this program. It continues to bring so much goodness into my life and I am eternally grateful to the program and the incredible friends I continue to make. While I was at the meeting my wife and daughter were attending a meeting for my daughter’s involvement in the school band.

Last year she played the clarinet and does seem to like as she expressed interest in continuing to play. Apparently my daughter is slightly ahead of the other children out here because the other children will be just starting to play their instruments whereas my daughter has a year under her belt. This is good and we will see where all this plays out.

My wife informed me today that our daughter’s math level is of the 7th level even though she is in the 5th grade. My daughter has the “toughest” teacher in the 5th grade and we believe this is a good thing for our daughter. This teacher gets the students prepared for the middle school and does provide challenges for the students. My daughter is a very good student and she needs to be challenged. Once again everything continues to work out for the very best in every aspect.

Excellent Written Email

Yesterday was one of those lazy hazy days of summer which just so happened to be just the way a Sunday is meant to be spent. We leisurely got out of bed and instead of my son coming into our room he very thoughtfully closed our door while he turned on the television in the adjacent lounge/left area of the upstairs.

My son is certainly incredible in my view and this is one of those “little things” I would have missed if it hadn’t been for recovery. It was a little before 8:00 am and I noticed our door closing. I soon realized yes, my son was being thoughtful because he thought my wife and I were still sleeping and he didn’t want to disturb us with the sound of the television. This is so very cool and I cannot understate this fact because he is such a sweet child.

I have been blessed with an incredible family in every way imaginable. My daughter’s note to the Tooth Fairy the night before and here was my son thinking about someone other than himself. My wife and did take our time getting out of bed and finally made our way downstairs for a very lazy Sunday. The day seemed to fly by even though nothing much was accomplished. I believe these are the days we will long for in about another month or so as our children get involved with their activities.

My daughter expressed interest in joining the school band since she played the clarinet last year in New Jersey. There won’t be much time for these “lounging” days as softball, baseball and band kick off in the coming weeks so Sunday was a welcomed day. I even took the time to go food shopping with my wife at my favorite food store. This was the case of the store running an advertisement that we couldn’t resist.

The store’s promotion was to spend $15 and get a free burrito at the local Chipotle store and we certainly took advantage garnering enough burritos for dinner the next few days!!! I don’t know if we got the best or worst of this deal but in the end we have food in the house and we don’t have to worry about dinner for the next few days!!

I didn’t attend my usual Sunday evening Gamblers Anonymous meeting because I attended the meeting yesterday morning and this is all part of my “balance” plan. Instead of attending the meeting I did go shopping with my wife which seemed to be the best course of action.

The day came to an end and it was indeed a very good weekend through and through. This morning I was up early and off to the gym for my morning workout. Part of my new routine has me going to the gym but returning home to see the children off to school and to assist with breakfast. This seems to work very well and my run was also very good. I was feeling great running this morning and it was one of those days where I could run forever. I had no aches in my legs and each stride felt great. I did however; encountered a strange feeling in my chest and upper back as I ran. I have had this happen in the past and I have no idea how it happens. The pain stayed with me the entire day and is just one of those things.

I received a wonderful email as an answer to my question of whether or not I would be allowed to be a coach or manager in my son’s Little League. In summary the best course of action is to have me be involved as a parent helper this way I can be on the field with my son and I can build a rapport with the other coaches in the league. I was very impressed with the well thought out email and I feel very comfortable with this decision.

Yes, people do remember my situation but they are 100% behind me and more importantly behind my son. This will and as it always does; work out for the very best. I can be involved with my son and Little League; and this way I can totally focus on my son instead of the other 10 players on the team. Thursday is the day for the evaluations and I can’t wait to meet the person who wrote this email.

Over the weekend I compiled something for an opportunity that has appeared. This is what I have been waiting for and now the decision rests with another person. I know there are certain things I can control and certain things I cannot so I will trust and believe everything will work out for the very best. I should know something by the end of this week and no matter what happens I know I am on the right road to recovery!!!

Dear Tooth Fairy......

Dear Tooth Fairy,

Hi, it’s me; I just want to ask you a question is this my last tooth? I hope not. I don’t want to grow up too quickly. I am getting braces does it hurt? How do I brush my teeth? I am having a good year in 5th grade; well so far. If this is my last tooth this will be the last time you visit me. So thank you for all the money you have given me. I will really miss you. I guess you will come back for my brother next time you’re here. Good luck with the other kids.

Love,
Your friend

P. S. Since you watch over me the whole year; have I been good for Santa?

The above was written by my 10 year old daughter last night as she tucked her tooth underneath her pillow for the Tooth Fairy. This was so touching I had tears in my eyes reading it. She composed this letter all by herself and the only way my wife and I found out about it was when we saw the piece of paper tucked underneath her pillow with the tooth.

My daughter has such a good “soul” and is such a joy to be near. These are the moments I have missed so much in the past two years and now thank God I am here to be able to enjoy these moments in person. This is truly precious and something I will never to for granted. All these moments were put on hold for me over the past two years but now they are here to stay all thanks to recovery. I cannot say this enough that if it weren’t for recovery I wouldn’t be enjoying any of these moments. I cannot get back the time I lost but I can cherish the time I have and I continue to cherish each and every moment.

The Tooth Fairy to respond along with leaving $2 for the wayward tooth; here is the Tooth Fairy’s response.

Dear Sweet Child,

This could be your last tooth because it is tooth number 12. However; some children lose 13 or 14 teeth so I may see you again. Getting braces does not hurt the braces make your teeth look great. You brush your teeth the same way you brush your teeth now only with the braces it feels a little bumpy. This will not be the last time I see you because the little kid in the next room will be losing a few tooth very soon and I will stop by to say “Hi”. Lauren you are welcome and you are very special little girl. Remember you can do anything you put your mind to.

Love,
Tooth Fairy

P.S. I’ll pass on the good words to Santa!!!

I’m not so sure my daughter still believes in the Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus for that matter but seeing these notes does make me believe she is holding on to her innocence a little longer. My daughter is right; growing up does go quickly and time does not stop for anyone. It truly seems like yesterday when my daughter was getting her first tooth and now here she is losing the last of her baby teeth. Where has that 10 years gone?

My daughter was unpacking a box in her room and came across a book my mother put together when she turned one. It was a compilation of emails I sent my mother as my daughter went through her first year of life. The book was titled “All about Lauren” and was great to see. I would write to my mother keeping her updated on my daughter‘s progress those first and second years of her life. This was my first foray into writing and somehow I stopped writing as my gambling progressed. My daughter was enjoying reading the book and it did bring back some very good memories. I am so glad my mother compiled these messages because it was well received by my daughter.

Time waits for no one and I suspect the next 10 years will go even quicker. Thankfully my perspective has changed for the better. I am enjoying each and every moment and these moments mean so much to me, thank you!!!!

In Between Saturday

This is quite possibly the last Saturday in quite some time where we didn’t have anything planned. Softball and baseball kick-off in earnest next week with my daughter starting practice on Wednesday, Friday and next Saturday. My son’s “tryouts” for the Little League team are next Thursday and there appears to be another “tryout” or practice next Saturday as well so today I thought it would be beneficial to go to the Saturday morning Gamblers Anonymous meeting. I had cleared this with my wife because I do want to maintain a semblance of balance and wanted to know if it would be alright if I went to the meeting. I was given the “go ahead” and I was awake early this morning making my way to meeting.

I made it a point to get to the gym this morning because I needed to get in my long run for the week. I think the first two weeks of these marathon training sessions are the hardest because my legs certainly feel it. I have mixed in cycling this week which has alleviate much of the discomfort in my lower legs and this morning I felt very good going for the 14 mile run. Training for a marathon is rather simplistic because on the weekends long runs must be made in order to train properly. Two miles are added each week as last week was only a 12 mile run and next week will be a 16 mile run.

The training schedule calls for the long runs to max out at 20 miles and I know from past experience that this is not long enough and I need to go to 22 or 24 miles. I started to hit the “wall” a little past the 21 mile mark and the longer I run in training the longer it takes to hit the “wall” during the actual marathon so I have added to the training program. As for now I am sticking to what is written and since the intensity and speed is much greater than I have ever done it will take awhile for my legs to get used to this.

The run this morning was very good and I was completed well in advance of the GA meeting. I made my way to the meeting and was greeted by many familiar faces. I haven’t gone to this particular meeting since I departed for New Jersey and before I moved into the new house. I was a bit disappointed that there weren’t many people in attendance but I choose to focus on the positive which is the theme of the GA Program. Yes, there were many familiar faces and in fact I had known everyone in the meeting but in the case of I never know what will be said in meeting came some very powerful sharing.

Usually I don’t have anything in my mind when I enter the meeting but as other member share something usually comes to my mind. This was the case this morning since one long standing member had some very poignant comments. It was stated to me over three years ago when I entered the program that the key is not now but in many years to come. I know the damage gambling has brought to my life and I have no desire to gamble whatsoever. However; I know my personality and how in the past I conveniently “forgot” the entire negative associated with gambling. I would be an idiot if I was to ever gamble again but I have been an idiot in the past. This is why I need to stay connected to the program which means attending at least one full meeting per week.

Yes, things are about to get very busy around work, home and the family but none of this is possible without recovery. It is up to me to make the time for program and I have always heard the excuse of people who are trying to exercise that they “don’t have the time”. I will not make this excuse because it is up to me to “find” the time. I don’t have the time to attend four meetings per week but as we say on page 17 “one meeting per week” is a prescription in recovery.

I was so happy I attended the meeting this morning and the rest of the day was spent at home. We are still unpacking and I think we will be unpacking until we move again!!! It is a slow process and today we tackled the loft area or as the children have named it, the “lounge”. We moved some furniture around and I spent most of the day setting up the desktop computer. I had to load some software and configure the system as well. I am fairly good at this kind of stuff because it is indeed “idiot proof” but when I encountered a new operating system (Windows Vista) I was grounded to a halt. It took me awhile to figure out how to navigate through the system and it appears I have a long way to go. After muttering to myself several times I did get the system up and running. I didn’t figure out how to network everything and I will seek “professional” assistance in this area.

As we were having lunch the doorbell rang and I answered to see three gentlemen outside. These gentlemen were doing a survey on a proposition which appears on the November ballot out here in California. This particular proposition has to do with “same sex” marriage and making the California Constitution “airtight” when it comes to this issue. The surveyors wanted to know where I stood on this proposition and my response was “this is a personal issue and I would like to keep it to myself, thank you”. This could be construed as being arrogant or pompous which wasn’t my intent.

There are certain things I don’t like to share and two of them are politics and religion. This issue hit both squarely so it is easy for me to keep my opinion to myself. I do think that if same sex couples want to share in the same misery that we heterosexuals have encountered since the dawn of time than so be it!!! Yes, that was a joke but I am sure there is someone who could glean some truth!!!

Super Children

Today was the last day of the first week of school for my children and just like I wrote yesterday it was a good thing that there were only three school days this week. The children were awake as they should be this morning but my daughter certainly reverted to her old self just about making it downstairs in time to have breakfast. I have imposed a "no yelling" zone in the house especially in the morning when it comes to my daughter. I have laid out the rules for her and it is up to her to either follow the rules or go against these rules. If she makes it downstairs in time for breakfast she will eat breakfast but if she doesn't than she will go to school hungry. It has been three for three this week making just under the wire this morning.

I made it a point to be home with my children as they woke up this morning but I deferred the walking them to school to my wife. I made them breakfast and my son even had some fruit. This is a minor victory in and of itself because his diet is less than stellar. I think it is the complete opposite of my diet as my son prefers processed foods along with not eating fruits or vegetables. I will take small victories as I try to mix in some fruit hence the banana this morning. I think he has an aversion to an food which is green so I will taking eating the banana this morning!!!

My daughter also shares this same diet but she is even pickier. She is certainly my daughter and has my eating habits when I was her age. I can see it in her mannerisms and how she looks at certain foods. I owe my parents a huge apology for the way I acted when I was my daughter's age and probably even younger.

There was the "jumping out of the window" incident when I was around my daughter's age when I refused to eat the meatloaf. Much to my parents credit they let me act out whatever it was I was acting out and didn't really make a big deal of things. I didn't actually jump out the window but by the same token I don't remember eating the meatloaf. I see this in my daughter and getting her to eat certain things is a huge battle. I refuse to battle because she does have an iron will and this does make things worse. This morning there was a banana on her plate and she didn't to give me any problems. She will eat some fruits but just like my son the vegetables are another story. Oh well I will implement the "one vegetable at a time" strategy and we will see where all this goes.

My children and my wife were off to school walking and I was off to the gym. Fridays in the office are very quiet and the fact that I took off on Tuesday meant I should go in today and I did. However; first I was off to the gym for a very good workout. I am listening to my body and it appears I need to cut back on actual running and mix in more cycling. Today was a cycling day and this felt much better than a run. I am also changing my weight training workout because I no longer have three hours a day to exercise.

I have learned so much in the last few years about working out especially when I was incarcerated. I have lost some strength over the last few years but what I have lost in this area I have more than made up for in endurance. I want to mix in more weight training and did this morning. I no longer have to exercise for an hour plus as I can get more out of 30 minute session than an hour session. Today was one of the better days and I felt great after the workout.

I made my way into the office after the very solid workout and there were more people than usual in the office. Unfortunately the "air" is less than enthusiastic but we always seem to get in a few laughs. These are very good people and my life is so much better since I have started over five months ago. I know things will work out the way they will work out which is usually for the best but for now I will continue to enjoy all the good people in the office.

I didn't seem to do much other than catching up and I only got one of the things on my "to do" list done which is okay by me. I was home when the children got home from school and I continue to be amazed by my children. My son didn't have any pressing homework so he went outside to ride his bike. He rides his bike so hard that when he is done he looks like he just jumped in the pool. He has so much energy it truly is amazing. My daughter on the other hand had homework she "wanted" to do and spent two hours in her room doing this homework. They are wonderful children and I am extremely blessed.

The Day is "Interesting"

This morning was day number two of the school year for my children. I have made it a point to be with them as they wake up, eat breakfast and walk to school. I was curious to see if the excitement of the first day had worn off and it appeared this excitement had indeed waned. My son was awake an hour later than yesterday and my daughter hadn’t all but returned to her usual morning self but was certainly moving in that direction.

I think the school administrators did a good job starting the school year on a Wednesday instead of a Monday. This would have been a really long week for all the children as was witnessed this morning as both our children were much less enthused than the day before. However; both of my children were awake and ready to go to school even being able to eat breakfast before we departed.

My wife and I once again walked our children to school and we have started to see neighbors we haven’t seen since we have been back. This could be awkward but it hasn’t been at all. Everyone has been very supportive and it really is all about the children. Many of these neighbors have children the same ages as ours and we have been welcomed back with open arms. This has been the case all the way through and with the exceptions of the “Girl Scout Cookie” incident and the managing of my son’s Little League team everything continues to move along smoothly.

With the children safely off to school I went into the office. Today was a very interesting day at the office. In the category of I never know what the day will bring today brought a great deal. Of course; at this point in time I am not at liberty to go into any details but I was very encouraged with a lunch meeting I had today. I have envisioned something just like what transpired today for a long time.

I have been given an opportunity by my current employer and I am grateful for this opportunity. Things are not going the way anyone of us would like and I would very much like for things to turn around. However; I don’t have much time to wait because another opportunity has presented itself and this opportunity is the complete antithesis of my current position. I can and will get into things I have wanted to get into for awhile and I believe everything is going to be great.

I do feel bad on one part but in the end I have to provide for my family and currently I am not doing such a good job in this arena. There are a few steps in the process but the process all started today and will continue one step at a time. I am very encouraged with this news and I know that no matter what happens everything will work out for the very best.

This evening my daughter had her first softball team event at a local pizzeria and my wife and I joined in. We met her coach along with players and parents associated with the team. It appears the fall softball league is of a more instructional nature and less competitive. However; the more I listened to the other parents’ talk I would venture to guess there is a competitive spirit inherits in the league. The key for our daughter is to ensure that she is having fun because she is a very competitive person which in and of itself is not a bad thing but balance needs to be achieved. I am sure she will have fun and we will have fun watching from the sidelines. It was a very nice evening and a very good day all around.

First Day of School 2008

It was a wonderful time yesterday with my family from the beginning when I woke up my children in preparation for today through the rest of the entire day. I even enjoyed the “American Girl—Kit Kittredge” movie and I am getting to be a “sap” since I had tears in my eyes at several junctures during the movie!!!! I was very impressed with my seven year old son who sat right through the movie and appeared to be interested.

My daughter certainly enjoyed the movie as there were many similarities between her and the main character. I had no idea what an “American Girl” doll was prior to a few years ago and whoever is doing the marketing is very intelligent because the movie appealed not only to the intended demographic but the entire family as well.

Yes, spending the day with my family did beat going into the office for the day and that was the last day of summer vacation for my children. This morning I was awake very early for several reasons one being I had something on my mind that I couldn’t let go of and the other reason was I wanted to go to the gym so I could join my wife in taking our children to school.

I essentially tossed and turned all night and I know this is just my brain working overtime. I wasn’t coming up with “worse case scenarios” or anything of the sort. I just had something on my mind and my brain wouldn’t shut down. Actually my brain did shut down but restarted after only a few hours of sleep. This is just as well because it kick started my day much quicker.

I was at the gym much earlier than normal and got in a very good run. I had some of the nagging shin problems of the other day but these issues soon went away as I stepped up the intensity. Today was a very intense training session and as strange as it seems I feel better going faster than I feel going slower. On Monday I “slogged” through the run but today I was invigorated and excelled through the run. I have pared down my workout so I could go back home and have breakfast for my children and this is what happened.

I walked into the house and was taking out my smelly workout clothes when I heard someone come down the stairs. Much to my surprise this someone was my daughter who is anything but a “morning person”. It appears all she needs is a little incentive and I guess today being the first day of the school year was that incentive. She was fully dressed and was even smiling. To say this was a departure from her normal morning self would be a huge understatement. My daughter is not a morning person but today she was beaming very early and continued as the day transpired.

I was extremely impressed with her this morning and I had asked her if this would be a recurring event and my daughter responded with a flat, “NO!” I suspect she will be back to her old morning self by next week as the newness of the school year wears off. I did enjoy the new morning version of my daughter because the old morning version is not exactly a joy to be around.

My son was still upstairs when I came in as I prepared breakfast for my daughter (which was another big thing since she usually doesn’t eat until well after 10:00 am). He did come down and was his usual smiling self even at this early hour. I didn’t realize it until a few minutes later that my son was indeed nervous about his first day. He had to run to the bathroom several times and after he came out I asked if he was indeed nervous and much to his credit he said, “Yes”. I did my best to calm him down explaining that it is completely natural to be nervous and he will make friends at school. He seemed to be a little better as it got closer to the time we had to depart for school.

We took the annual first day of school pictures in front of the house and for the first time in two years I was actually in the pictures. The best part is being able to be with them for their first day and I know as long as I continue in recovery life there will be many more of these first days to come one at a time!!!

We made the short walk to school and saw some old neighbors we hadn’t seen since we got back from New Jersey. As it turns out one of our old neighbors’ son is in our son’s class which provided a big relief to our son. Once our son found this out I could see the relief on his face. It is strange (maybe not so strange) that out of 10 second grades and 200 children my son actually has a familiar face in his class and someone he was talking about the other day. I am not big into coincidences and I do believe there is “something” watching out over all of us.

My wife took our daughter to her classroom and I took my son to his classroom. I met my son’s teacher who seems very nice and is in the category of all the teachers my daughter has had at this school which is very caring. I noticed the classroom was well organized and I do believe our son is in good hands. I kissed my son good bye and wished him a great day. Wow; it seems like it was just yesterday I was picking up my daughter from second grade and now my son is entering second grade. Time does move by quickly and thankfully time is now moving in a positive manner. It was a magnificent day and now the school year is underway for our children.