Taking Inventory (I Know I Shouldn't)

I’m going to do something a little different for today’s entry. I will give the highlights of the day. Hopefully, I will be brief then I will go into some observations I made today. These are of other people and can be construed as taking inventory which I know in recovery I should not. I don’t mean it to be this and if it does come across, please forgive me.

Last night was yet another night I went to sleep at 9:30 only getting up once. This doesn’t mean it was a good night’s sleep. I have discussed how there are 10 different CO’s who interpret the rules 10 different ways. Some CO’s I never notice doing the late night counts; they walk through without much fanfare. Then there are others who walk through during the early morning hours shining their flashlights into the rooms. This is what happened last night and it seems as if it occurred every hour on the hour. I understand the need to account for all the inmates since there aren’t any walls, gates, or locks. However, I would estimate 99% of the inmates here are not going anywhere until their release date. Mostly all of the inmates here want to do their time and go home. I understand the CO’s have a job to do. What I don’t understand is why things are done differently among all the CO’s. The other day I went to inform the CO on duty I was going to run around the track, but I saw he was asleep. He obviously wasn’t concerned with anyone walking away from the camp. Whereas last night I had a flashlight shining on me every hour. Oh well, these are one of those things I must accept and let go. Obviously, I didn’t get a good night’s sleep.

After breakfast, work call came and our assignment was to stay in camp and work on the septic tank project. They have been a mess since I arrived here. We proceeded down to the septic tank armed with shovels (which is never a good sign). As soon as we arrived, the Captain asked for 3 volunteers. I am somewhat of a slow learner, but I have noticed when the Captain asks for volunteers, these tasks are usually better than most. I quickly volunteered along with my friend and another crew member. As it turns out, this was a very easy task. A trench had been dug to house the septic tank pipes. Our task was to ensure the pipes were level and the rocks which were placed on and around were also level. Occasionally, I had to pick up the pipe so we could pile rocks underneath. Other than this I watched as the front end loader did all the work. Normally, I am not fascinated by construction projects, but today the simple digging and filling of the pipes fascinated me. This was mostly due to the precision of the front end loader operator who was an inmate. He didn’t waste one rock and filled in the area quite nicely and made our job very simple.

The afternoon was much like the morning where I watched the front end loader do all of the work. We were working with two civilians from the California Department of Forestry. I will get into these two people later when I take inventory! The task was complete for the day when the pipeline was covered with the dirt and our day ended early at 3:00 pm. We were allowed to go back to our rooms and take a shower. We had to be back outside at 4:15 to check back in. I finished my shower and was about to shave when one of the crew members came into the bathroom and said we had a fire call. It is fairly fascinating when we get a fire call because everyone on the crew kicks into high gear and even the most experienced of our crew gets excited. There seems to be a fine line between excitement and panic. I tend to remain fairly calm and take in most everything. I do hurry because I don’t want to be the last one on the bus. Panic was almost in the air and everyone was dressed and ready to go within 3 minutes. After about 10 minutes of driving, we were cancelled. This is now the third time that happened. I know soon the fires will happen and things will probably be different but for now I will continue to go with the flow.

When we returned back to camp, I heard the announcement that the counselor was in camp. I went to see her and once again she was very cordial. However, she informed me that she did not have the approval for my family visit. She needed her supervisor’s signature which should come tomorrow. Once she receives this, she will fax the approval to the camp which should happen tomorrow. Hopefully, it will then I could make the appointment for the family visit. During the visit, she asked me about my case and it was apparent she read my file. She knew all about my gambling addiction and I took a few minutes to answer some questions which centered on my position at my previous employer and my gambling addiction. I was impressed she read and remembered my case history.

I was hoping to give my wife good news about the family visit when I called her, but I will have to wait one more day (maybe) for this. We discussed once again the exorbitant cost of these collect calls which are costing way too much and her bill is over $100.00 every 3 weeks which is ridiculous. These calls are cost prohibitive and one of the responsibilities of the CDCR is to rebond and rebuild with the inmates family. I will get the paperwork to write a complaint. I was a little down when talking with my wife due to the non-approval of the family visit and the cost of collect calls and wasn’t my usual self. My mood did improve when she told me she made reservations to come out here on the 11th of July through the 24th. I am so looking forward to that!

When I got off the phone I was informed that I had a package waiting for me in the office. There was a quarterly package sent by my friend’s girlfriend. It had to be sent in my name because I have not received a package this quarter, but my friend has. There were things for both of us and the package only took 5 days to get here. It took me 5 minutes to get this which is a far cry from Jamestown which can take up to hours or days. We separated the items and found some things were missing, but I did receive new headphones and more vitamins.

At this point I would like to make some observations of a few people I came in contact with today. The first one is a crew member who I worked with and has been at 8 fire camps in the last 5 years. This is unusual and he did not depart the 7 previous camps on his own volition. When I was speaking with him, he seemed to be reaching out for advice. I am not one to give unsolicited advice, but today I did speak my mind. I won’t go into the specifics but much of what I had to say was to “let it go” and go with the flow. Well, this crew member did not hear my words because he became very defensive. I dropped what I was saying and moved on. I may have been taking his inventory which I should not, but if someone has been to 8 fire camps in 5 years and although he has only been here for 2 weeks, it does not appear this will be his last stop. The question I have is how can it be everyone else’s fault and not his own? When do people start to take personal responsibility and it appears some may never. Enough of that inventory and on to the second observation of the day.

We were working with two civilians who are specialized maintenance workers from CDF. They were both the same age – in their late 50’s – and both shared the first same name. Also, they appeared to have the same expertise in pipefitting. However, these 2 people couldn’t be more different in their personalities. One was very laid back, positive, and a genuine nice person. The other was uptight, negative, and not a very nice person. I was amazed at the dichotomy of personalities between these two. Obviously, I gravitated to the positive person and when the day ended we shook hands and said good-bye. The negative person just walked away without saying anything. Different personalities do make the world an interesting place, but being positive and not sweating the small stuff goes a long way in my book. I do my best to remain positive, but sometimes I do get down which is why I have to remind myself to stay focused and to be as positive as possible. Life is a great journey which must be enjoyed. The saying goes “misery loves company” but I certainly don’t like to be in the company of a miserable person. I’ll take positive over misery anyday.