Good Doesn't Mean Bad

I have used this metaphor before but it is appropriate once again; it is an “Easy Sunday Morning”. I think it was the Commodores who produced the song “Easy as a Sunday Morning” which is what all these Sundays have become. These days are so special and I am savoring every moment. My daughter had a friend sleep over and this is a friend she just made all because of softball. That is the great thing about these activities that our children make friends outside of their school “zone”. There is also a by-product in the fact that my wife and I are meeting people as well. These are good people and even the infamous “Girl Scout Cookie” participant said “hello” to me yesterday. I am so clueless when it comes to people since I had no idea who this person was but when I asked my wife who that was she was quick to explain the whole “Girl Scout Cookie” episode of over three years ago. Everything does work out for the best in recovery.

This morning was a usual Sunday morning where we lingered in bed a little longer watching the “CBS Sunday Morning” program with our son by our side. He is so loveable and cuddly which makes wonderful morning. After this we headed downstairs for the typical Sunday morning pancake breakfast where we had a very relaxing time. We actually had plans today to go to the movies with the children to see “Madagascar 2”. At first I was not going to go but I couldn’t have my wife go by herself with five children. Yes, we recruited two more of their friends so I thought I should join her. I was a bit conflicted because a very good friend of mine who had helped me out tremendously before my sentencing needed help with something. I had to make time for this friend but I also needed to be with my wife. I thought being away only a few hours at the movies would allow me to help later on during the day.

I did my best to help but I don’t believe I was much of a help because it had been awhile since I had done this and my mind was not focused. I apologized to my dear friend that I just didn’t do a very good job. Over two years ago I was doing this on a regular basis and at one point I was really getting the hang of it but being removed for the past two years does have its drawbacks along with having my mind on my current position. I do appreciate all that these dear friends’ have done for me but I would be doing them a disservice since I don’t have the time required to devote to these projects. I probably didn’t do a very good job of explaining this as I did what I could in a much longer time than I anticipated. I do apologize and I do feel bad.

Anyhow we made it to the movies with everyone in tow. The movie “Madagascar 2” was okay and comparing it to the first one I felt this sequel fell short. There were some funny lines such as the “negotiations” between the monkeys and the penguins where the male monkeys wanted maternity leave but other than that there weren’t many funny parts. My 10 year old daughter wasn’t impressed and she also felt it wasn’t a very good movie. It seemed to me that the movie was made with only box office revenue in mind not comedic content. Unlike the “Shrek” series where the movies do stand on their own this just wasn’t very good.

The day progressed and I took time out to go to the Sunday evening Gamblers Anonymous meeting and I am so happy I attended. The attendance seemed down and the “usual suspects” were in attendance but two unusual suspects arrived which changed the tenor of the meeting. I had been struggling with the fact that things are going well for me and I was reminded as someone was doing their therapy that I have to be mindful when things go well as opposed to the opposite. I am okay when things are bleak because I always somehow managed to turn manure into perfume; however; it is the “perfume” stage that I get myself into trouble. I need to realize it is okay when things go well and I don’t have to fear success.

I have stated that my “test” will happen when things go well and I won’t sabotage myself. I most certainly sabotaged myself in the past because things were going great. Yes, they were going great but I had the deep dark secret of my gambling addiction. Thankfully in recovery the gambling addiction continues to be arrested and my life continues to improve each and every day. I need to come to terms that this is acceptable and to not question why. The phrase, “let go and let God” comes to mind even in the good times. I have come a long way in just this year and things are certainly looking up. I should not expect the bottom to drop out because that is exactly what will happen. It is alright for me to maintain the positive attitude through and through. I know everything happens for a reason and I am eternally grateful for everything.