Running Through the Raindrops

I was hoping the rain would stop so I didn’t have to be inside the dorm all day. I was able to pass the morning with writing. I waited for the CO to provide the work call unlock and had to wait almost 45 minutes. He finally arrived and I went outside where I instantly started running through the raindrops. My goal was to run 10 miles and to get back inside the dorm for the 2:45 pm unlock. My timing could not have been better because as I completed the additional mile, the CO was arriving at my dorm and the alarm was going off. I was able to get inside before having to get down on the wet ground. I am so happy I got outside because my mind needed the run. When I do any type of exercise, it has certainly become therapeutic. To say this has kept me sane over the past few months would be an understatement.

I received two pieces of mail – one from my younger sister and one from my mother. The letter from my sister was wonderful and she informed me she will be sending the book THE SECRET to me when I get to fire camp. I can’t wait to read the book and I am very excited. She also included a photo of her beautiful family.

My mom had sent me blank envelopes in her letter but some of these envelopes were not passed on to me. These were peel and seal, which as of March 5th, are no longer allowed. Obviously my mother didn’t know this nor did I because a memo dated the 5th of March was circulated to everyone EXCEPT the inmates disallowing these types of envelopes. Now they have to be sent back to my mother at my expense. This sort of bothered me because I was not notified that peel and seal envelopes are no longer allowed. I wrote a letter to the mailroom regarding this, but I doubt it will do much good and I will have to pay for the return postage. The cost is not the issue but the lack of communications is certainly the issue. The memo disallowing these was forwarded to me yesterday and it seems all departments again EXCEPT for the inmates were copied on the memo. It really isn’t difficult to circulate the memo to the individuals who needed this the most, but unfortunately that is not how things operate around here.

Since there was little to do at night and all my writing was complete, I listened to the news report about how Paris Hilton is facing 45 days in jail for violating the terms of her probation. Apparently, Miss Hilton blamed her publicist for her troubles behind the wheel (so much for personal responsibility) and wept openly as the Judge handed down the sentence. Since her violation occurred in Los Angeles County, the likelihood of her spending the whole 45 days in jail is very slim. The overcrowding in the Los Angeles County Jail is one of the worst in the state of California. Typically inmates only serve 10% of their total sentence so Miss Hilton is looking at 4 to 5 days. I recognized the need for jail/prison sentences but somewhere Judges have to come out with means of alternate sentencing. Community service would be a good alternative and I realize people like Paris Hilton have a way of getting out of these things, but it has to be mandatory and be enforced. Is Miss Hilton going to learn her lesson with the current sentence? Maybe, but if examples need to be made - at least give back to the community. Okay enough of my soap box!

Also, today is the day of the Kentucky Derby and the Queen of England will be attending for the first time ever. When I was a kid, I loved watching and I remember being very upset when I was told I had to go to church during the race. Even as a kid my priorities were all screwed up! Now thankfully through recovery I have no idea what horses are running nor will I watch it. My life does not revolve around a horse race, but it took me a long time to realize this. Thankfully, I have, and my life is so much better and my priorities are starting to get in order.

I did my pushup routine by myself because the dorm mate I worked out with last week wasn’t interested in joining me today. In fact, I haven’t seen him do any activities since that time. This brings me to a brief discussion about this inmate. I reported earlier this particular person gave me a bad “vibe” when he first moved in and this bad “vibe” is still there. I have done my best to befriend him but there is something which I can’t put my finger on that gives me this feeling. I have lent him some of my books and he is the only person who has ever asked me questions about the book he is reading. Currently, he is reading the 6th installment of Harry Potter and he has asked me so many questions, it is sort of driving me crazy! Also, he seems to stare at me (still) during the day – it is just plain weird. I thought befriending him would make things better, but it hasn’t. Anyhow, I try to maintain my composure when he asks these questions and I have even lent him a soup. However, I will not go out my way to talk with him. I think my best option is to be cordial – but nothing further.

Social Butterflies

On my way over to the telephone sign-up, I met up with an inmate who I have come to know over these past six months. The other day he asked me to do something for him and initially I had said no. However, I ended up doing what he requested because I felt badly for saying no. This inmate is a bit high maintenance and has asked me to do things for him from time to time. I have always acquiesced and helped him out. He caught me at a bad moment the other day when I had just learned I was not going to be transferred to fire camp this week. I did come to my senses and was able to help him out. Anyhow, he asked me yesterday why I initially turned him down on his request. I explained and apologized. There was more to my explanation but I kept those feelings to myself. I did want to tell him that the only time he talks to me is when he wants something or has to vent his frustrations but I didn’t. What I have noticed is many inmates, with the exception of my friend, are only concerned with themselves. I guess this is a product of their environment but some days it does get to me. I have become a “go to” person with a few inmates who are always unloading their problems or asking questions. I don’t mind this to a point but too much of this does wear on me. I am human and I do try to not let these things bother me but it does happen - thankfully, not that often.

After completing my workout, I made my way over to the telephones to call my wife. As she was explaining to me her very strange car registration story, our 15 minutes had ended. She got most of the way through this story, but from what she was telling me, it sounded very odd. Apparently, since my wife’s car is leased, the leasing company needed additional taxes because the car was being transferred to NJ from CA. I had never heard of this nor did my wife. The leasing company wants a fairly large sum of money so my wife is having someone check on this strange request. She has been dealing with this for a few months now and is no closer to a resolution. Life certainly goes on out in the free world especially for my wife as she juggles - taking care of the children, the mess I created, and finances or lack of. She is doing an amazing job and my love for her grows everyday and I look forward to the day when we can tackle these challenges together.

My wife is going to call the Captain again to see what my status is regarding fire camp. I doubt he will tell her anything different then he has told her in their 2 previous conversations. The conversation should go something like this, “Yes, Paul is ready to go and his file is in the drawer.” My hope is that the file will make its way out of the drawer and onto someone’s desk so I can be transferred. I have asked a great deal of my wife regarding my entire ordeal but especially in these last two months as I wait for the transfer. She has been wonderful and has gone above and beyond the call of duty. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

After showering, I returned to my bunk so I could read the letters I had just received. The letter from my dear friend was wonderful. The letters from my mother were equally as wonderful especially since she sent me pictures of my children. A few weeks ago both of them were in a parade for the opening of the softball and T-ball seasons. My daughter looked so adorable in her softball uniform as did my son in his uniform. My son’s T-ball uniform looked great because he is on the Cardinals and his jersey looked just like the Major League Cardinals.

My mom wrote in one of her letters that my children are “social butterflies”. I was very impressed with this story of how both my daughter and son visited my mother’s classroom. My children are not shy and were able to interact quite well with my mother’s students who are much older than my son and daughter. They had a great time and I am so happy my children have adjusted to their new situation. It is amazing because even though I will be separated from my children for over 1 ½ years they continue to grow physically and emotionally. Things are truly working out for the best and my children continue to be surrounded by love. I have so many things to be grateful for and I am a blessed person. To think my children have developed into “social butterflies” is absolutely incredible! Everything happens for a reason and these reasons are always positive! I felt great after reading these letters and looking at the pictures.

More Bananas

I returned to the dorm much earlier than usual yesterday afternoon due to the inclement weather. Of course I did my laundry in the afternoon and I really need a new pair of workout underwear since I am now down to one pair. I started out with six pairs but the laundry lost four of these and I wore the other out. I have state issued boxers but I much prefer my own underwear to workout in but this lone pair has seen better days. I do wash it everyday which I’m sure adds to the wear and tear. Anyhow, I completed the laundry and waited for “mail call”. However, I only received an internal piece of mail also known as junk mail.

I fell asleep at my usual time and had my usual sleep. I did have a few dreams and when I woke up the first time I remembered this first dream but now (due to old age) I can’t remember it. I was able to fall back asleep and have another dream which had to do with college. I was at the University of Florida (not one of the many colleges I have attended) and weird things were happening. One of those things was that everyone had a set of golf clubs including me. However, no one was playing golf; they were just carrying the golf bags around anywhere they went. There was more but this is the main thing I remembered. Can’t figure this one out. Any guesses?

It was again a late breakfast and the breakfast did have a banana on the tray for the second straight day. Since I took two yesterday, I didn’t want to be greedy this morning. I ate one of the two bananas and thought that taking two out of the dining hall this morning was too much so I decided to take only one. Yes, the Fruit Nazi was once again on duty and it was a good thing I only took one banana instead of two. I placed it in my waistband, but as I approached the Fruit Nazi, the banana fell out of my waistband and ended up at the bottom of my sweatpants near my foot! Thankfully, the sweatpants have elastic at the bottom so the banana did not fall to the floor; it stayed inside my leg. All of this was fortunate since the Fruit Nazi patted me down near my waistband as I exited the dining hall. He hardly ever pats me down and usually lets me go by untouched. However, he does have a sense for stolen fruit and I guess he sensed it on me this morning. Since the banana was near my foot when he patted me down, he let me go outside without discovering the banana. This was a close call but now I have three bananas safely hidden inside my locker. My lunches are set for the weekend and I might even try a peanut butter, jelly, and banana sandwich in the next few days. Wow! The highlight of my day is stealing a banana! But is this really stealing since I am entitled to the banana with my breakfast? I guess it’s a matter of semantics. Oh, my!

When I first got back to the dorm after morning yard, my dorm mates were watching the news at 11:00 am which is very unusual for then. They were watching something on the overcrowding problem in the prisons. Governor Schwarzeneger was signing the bill which is supposed to relieve the overcrowding in California prisons. It is now official as the state is adding 18,000 new beds (mostly bunks) throughout various prisons. This will cost seven billion dollars to implement and is a done deal. This report didn’t mention anything regarding the Federal Judge’s approval of this plan. Come to think of it no report I have seen had mentioned this. I am guessing but I think this new law supersedes the Federal Judge and the prospect of anyone being released early has been negated. Ever since I came to prison almost 10 months ago, the rumors about early release have swirled and now they have come to a standstill since this bill has been approved. Even I had faint hope of being released earlier than February of next year; now I am focusing on getting to fire camp and getting back to my family. Supposedly there are court dates this month and next month regarding the overcrowding but now it appears anticlimactic. It should be business as usual for every inmate and I for one look forward to my release date sometime in February or March of next year.

Start Up the Cycle

Before I went inside yesterday for the 2:45 pm unlock, I sat and talked with my friend regarding the fact that we will both be here at least another week. I said to him, “ This is a very difficult place to stay positive in.” My friend agreed with me but I was not going to let myself fall into a negative frame of mind. I was venting about having to stay here another week and letting my frustration show. I was very focused on getting the notification that I would be transferred today, but unfortunately this did not happen so I have to start up the cycle once again gearing for next Tuesday.

First and foremost, I am a human being, not a robot so I do have human feeling and emotions. I would love to say, “Oh well, I am not going to fire camp this week, maybe it will happen next week,” and then go about my business. I can’t do this because I have those emotions which emit disappointment and frustration. The way in which I process these emotions do define me as a person. Do I wallow in self-pity and say, “Woe is me”? Of course not. Do I lament for a few minutes, feel sorry for myself, and then move on? Yes, I do. I have a process and over the past few weeks, I continued to perfect the process. Clearly there is not a whole lot I could do as the decision to transfer me to fire camp is in the hands of someone else. I can feel badly but not for very long. I have a life to live and I choose to live this life in a positive manner. I am not capable (yet) of staying positive 100% of the time, but as long as I am positive over 80% of the time, I am on the right road. There are so many inmates inside here who are negative all of the time for various reasons and it is very sad. No one should be this way all of the time because this is no way to go through life. I enjoy being positive most of the time and I will continue focusing on all of the positives in my life such as my dear family. I will be okay and get through this process a much better person.

I was glad to get my feelings out talking to my friend as it did make me feel better. I’m not sure if my friend’s plan will speed up our departure, but it is worth a try. I did find out about one inmate who is the same race as me who received a transpack ducat yesterday even though he completed his training requirements 1 ½ weeks ago. I cannot dwell on this because no matter how unfair it seems this is how the system operates. As I mentioned previously, my Bunkie has been waiting 15 weeks for his transfer and God love him because he keeps saying “next week” every week when he learns he has to stay here at least one more week. I do enjoy his enthusiasm and one week he will be correct and finally move on to fire camp.

After dinner I had some letters to write which really helped me to process the feeling I had by not being transferred this week. Ultimately, it is me who chooses between right and wrong. I chose “wrong” which got me into this mess and now through recovery, I am choosing “right”. Speaking of recovery, my friend was able to get me on the list for the Tuesday evening meeting for “Celebrate Recovery.” My first meeting should be next week as it was too late for me to go last night. I am looking forward to this for the simple fact it is a recovery meeting and I am compulsive gambler who is in recovery. My friend attended last night’s meeting and he did tell me it was very good. It was different from the previous week because there wasn’t a band; however, it sounded to me that last night’s meeting had more substance. Hopefully, I will be able to attend.

Last night I was able to sleep all night through. Once every few weeks this happens. I don’t do anything differently and I certainly did enjoy not waking up several times at night. The breakfast unlock arrived later than usual and I headed toward the dining hall for the oatmeal pancake breakfast. This is my favorite meal and I certainly filled up this morning. There was a banana on my tray and my dorm mate also gave me his. I have become bold with the “banana caper” this morning. Normally, my dorm mate would provide a distraction to the “Fruit Nazi” so I can walk out of the dining hall with the banana safely underneath my sweatshirt. However, this morning the Fruit Nazi had company as he was flanked by a sergeant so my dorm mate didn’t want to create a diversion. I was feeling bold and tucked the bananas under my sweatshirt and walked out of the dining hall confidently passed the Fruit Nazi and sergeant. Neither one bothered to check me as I wished both of then “Good Day” on my way out. I’m not sure why I felt so bold this morning but I did and now I have 2 bananas safely hidden in my locker.

Tuesday Already?

The incident on Friday night continued to wreak havoc yesterday afternoon. The yard opened much later than it normally does which meant I stayed in the dorm. The mail call arrived and I received three pieces of mail – one of which was the “Life Line” Bulletin which is distributed by GA. I have been fortunate enough to have been put on the mailing list by my dear GA friends. It keeps me in touch with the fellowship and I look forward to reading the letters that are filled with experience, strength, and hope. These bring so much inspiration and it reaffirms my commitment to GA. I look forward to the day when I can go to a live meeting.

When I was able to go out to evening yard, I talked with my friend about the possible transfer to fire camp. I told my friend I had the relief CO call over to the fire camp assignments office to see where I stood in terms of a transfer. The CO told me I was number 30 on the list! He went on to tell me he called last week for another inmate who was number 15 and when he called again this week, the same inmate was number 20. He didn’t understand this nor did I. The list is so shrouded in mystery because no one ever sees it. I have no idea why I am even on the list since I have supposedly been earmarked for a fire camp through the old coach and the Captain. There appears to be some ambiguity going on involving this list as evidenced by the six people who have already been transferred to fire camp but had finished their training requirements after me. My friend devised an alternative plan in case we don’t get transferred this week. If the need arises, I will outline the plan at a later date.

All week, my Bunkie who has been waiting 15 weeks since he finished his training kept saying, “Tuesday is the day we both transfer to Fire Camp.” I’m trying to remain as positive as possible but hearing I am 30 on the list and possibly looking at another month did not bode well for me. However, I was certain my Bunkie would be transferred if I did not. I am doing my best to stay positive and utilize “The Secret” but there are circumstances beyond my control and others who make the decision to be transferred. I’ve done everything I could to warrant a transfer and I am disappointed and frustrated but it is not the end of the world and my life will go on. As the Serenity Prayer states – “Accept the things I cannot change…” and I do accept it and know there is a reason why I am still here although right now this reason eludes me. One day at a time~

Not Quite in One Day

The pre-summer heat is upon Jamestown over the past two days and the temperature has been in the 90’s, and with little ventilation inside the dorm it feels even hotter. A few months ago, my mother asked me if I needed a fan and at the time I didn’t. Now I am regretting that decision as a fan is most definitely necessary. I already received my quarterly package and by the time I get my next package I hopefully will be in fire camp.

I completed writing and still had about 2 hours before the afternoon yard opened. I spent this time listening to the radio and peaking into the television area where my dorm mates were watching the NBA game. I didn’t have much interest in the game so I went back to my bunk where I listened to the radio. Normally, the station I listen to has a weekly recap of the events of the past week. However, yesterday there was a horrific accident on one of San Francisco’s major thoroughfares and this was being reported. Quite amazingly, no one was killed and only one person (the truck driver) was injured. A gasoline tanker lost control and flipped over. It then caught fire and the heat was so intense it melted the roadway above which caught on fire. This caused the roadway to collapse. This area is one of the most congested roadways in the San Francisco Bay area and averages 270,000 commuters from Monday thru Friday. Since the accident occurred very early Sunday morning, the damages would have been much worse. Timing certainly helps in many events and the timing of this accident was very fortunate to happen when it did. I listened to some of the reports and it looks like it is going to take months to repair the roadways. Much to the credit of the California Department of Transportation and the Governor’s Office, work has already started to repair this area. I have seen the accident on the local news and this was an extremely intense big fire. Someone was looking out for them because the damage could have been so much worse. I was fascinated with the reports regarding this incident.

Since I was going to run during the afternoon yesterday, I needed something to hold me through the run so I broke down and ate half of a power bar. I was saving them for fire camp but yesterday was the perfect opportunity to have one which was my first bar in 9 ½ months! Before I came to this place I would have one every day at my desk after working out. I sure did miss the taste of it!

AS I was doing my run, I noticed my friend walking on the track with a distinct frown on his face which was very unusual for him. As I ran by, I asked what was wrong. He told me why he was upset. He didn’t receive everything he wanted in his quarterly package, Apparently, his girlfriend only ordered half of what he wanted and neglected to tell him.

As soon as I heard this, I told my friend he was fortunate to even receive a package. He really didn’t want to hear what I was saying; he just wanted to vent. I, on the other hand wanted him to focus on the positive. It is so easy inside of a place like this to focus on negatives and this is what my friend was doing. He didn’t receive any food in his package and he was very upset with his girlfriend. I watched him as I ran as he was talking with many inmates regarding this matter and all of them commiserated with him except me. I will not focus on the negative for myself and I told my friend this later in the afternoon. My friend has so much to be grateful for and I can understand his frustration but to me he had misplaced anger issues. I don’t know the entire history of my friend and his girlfriend but I suspect his anger ran deeper than the botched package. I’m not sure if I made any headway, but I did get him to smile.

Overcrowding Bill

After watching the Yankee game, I turned on the radio since I had nothing to read and listened to the news station broadcast from San Francisco. This is one of the three AM stations I receive – one is an all sports station out of SF and the other is a talk show station out of Las Vegas. I heard a very interesting report regarding the newly passed bill for the overcrowding of the prison’s relief. It was an interview with a newspaper reporter out of Sacramento who covers the state legislature. This reporter was saying the bill was pushed through both houses so fast (within 12 hours of final resolution) that he doubted most legislators actually read the bill. He related this to something out of Chicago where they notoriously push bills through without much study. The reporter went on to give more specifics on the bill and also stated that the reason why the bill was pushed through so fast was due to the fact that the Prison Guards Union was against it. If the legislators had more time to decide on the bill it would have failed because the very powerful prison union would have rallied to defeat it. Apparently, the creators of the bill knew this and this is why it went through so fast. He didn’t get into why they are against the bill, but I can only guess and say the bill dilutes their power.

The other interesting fact about the interview was the specifics of the bill. Apparently, it is a two-part plan. The first part includes the immediate creation of 18,000 new beds at existing prisons throughout the state. The second part of the plan is predicated on rehabilitative goods through Programs. Once these goals are achieved, an additional 35,000 new prison beds are added. The entire bill costs seven billion dollars and based on what the reporter was saying, he very much doubts the second phase of the plan will make it since any rehabilitative goals in the past have NEVER been achieved. Finally, the reporter brought up that the core issues of sentencing and parole reforms were not addressed in the bill. These are the real issues for the overcrowding problem and the fact that they weren’t addressed leads me to believe the State Legislature has put a band-aid in place where a body cast was needed.

The one issue I was most wanting to hear regarding how the Federal Judge fits into this new plan was not talked about. From this report, it seems the legislators needed to do something regarding the overcrowding situation in the California Prisons but fell woefully short. I’m not sure how they can add any beds to an already overcrowded situation. To me this is compounding the problem. The situation is already bad and now it is going to get worse. I do wonder if the Federal Judge ever has any jurisdiction over this new plan. Does this mean that this bill is now in place and the overcrowding issue has been resolved? I don’t have the answers to these questions, but something does not seem right. I guess over the next month I will have answers to my questions regarding whether the Federal Judge is set to rule on the overcrowding matters on June 4th. The general consensus inside here is the Federal Judge will see right through the state’s current plan, but these aren’t objective points of views. All I can say is based on what I have heard the problem has not been fixed and will only get worse. No politician wants to release any felon, but what will be the real cost when this problem is finally resolved? This probably won’t happen for another 10 years and hopefully California’s economy keeps streaming along because the potential costs of incarcerating over 200,000 prisoners are staggering and has a potential of bankrupting the state.

Since there was only 35 minutes to the evening yard, my friend and I walked and talked about the overcrowding bill and how he believes the Federal Judge will see through this plan and will ultimately take over the prison system. I’m not sold on this concept because I feel I am missing some information. We also talked about getting to Fire Camp. My friend finished his requirements one week ago and is ready to be transferred. It would not surprise me he is transferred this week and it would be great if we were transferred to the same Fire Camp together! We arrived here over 6 months together and it would be wonderful to leave together. We also talked about a former Instructor who was transferred to Fire Camp last week and after two days, he was sent back here for talking back to a CO. As I told my friend the story about the Instructor, he also agreed that it wasn’t very smart on his part. My friend also subscribes to the theory of keeping his mouth shut in the presence of authority!

Friday Night Fights

While I waited for the unlock, the talk in the dorm again centered on resolution for the overcrowding issue. Apparently, someone heard an interview with the head of the very powerful CO Union who stated that this resolution is very disappointing. I thought this was a very surprising comment from this individual because now his membership will continue to grow and prosper. However, this person went on to talk about sentencing reform along with parole reform which was not addressed in the resolution. I do agree that the problem has not been fixed and I wonder what is going to happen in two years when the additional beds are at capacity and the overcrowding is even worse than it is now.

After I ate, I heard the alarm go off outside. I went over to the window to see if it was another false alarm. I would say 90% of these alarms are either false or have nothing to do with my yard. Well, this alarm was in the 10% category as I looked out the window to my left where I saw a group of inmates fighting. I watched for a minute and then I heard a loud “pop” which was the CO in the tower shooting at the inmates who were fighting. These guns are called “block” guns and shoot blocks of wood. They are not meant to harm any of the inmates; they are meant to get their attention. This one “pop” did get their attention as just about all the inmates stopped and went to the ground. Apparently, I was late to look outside as the “good stuff” happened before I looked out.

A group of about 35 inmates started their own “Friday Night Fights” out in the yard right in front of one of the towers. My first thought was “I sure hope my race wasn’t included.” Heck, this was my only thought, sorry. I didn’t want to go on lockdown because there is only so much exercise I can do inside. I did have a second thought which was – this was the first real fight I have seen in my six months here. This is certainly a good thing and the fact I was safely in my dorm when it occurred also helped. It took the CO’s an hour to sort everything out. This meant the inmates who were not involved but were outside had to stay down on their stomachs the whole time, not a very comfortable position for 60 minutes.

As the CO’s sorted everything out, everyone watched as we all wondered which races were involved. It appeared mostly all of the races except for mine were involved. I did breathe a sigh of relief but it looks like it is back to the “control feeding” for breakfast and dinner which will further delay matters. Also, yard time for the weekend is in question for everyone. I am hoping to have yard Saturday morning so I can call my family, but I learned a long time ago any telephone call I get is a blessing. If it doesn’t happen, there will be another call at another time.

Still at Sierra~

The following blog is not from Paul - it is from me, his mother. I’m just going to take it upon myself to interrupt his blog and write my own.

Anyway, I just received another 46-page blog from him. There are two others pretty much the same length which I haven’t typed (please don’t tell him). I read the pages and detected a sadness about them, especially this blog that I received today. He is maintaining his positive attitude as best as he can, but inmates are leaving who have finished the training after him, weeks are going by while he is still waiting and being told he is transferring soon and nothing is happening.

He writes about his daughter who sent him a letter asking, “Why, Daddy, why did you have to change everything, just why?” It was a very tough letter and he cried when he read it. He answered as best as he could and sent his response to her. He also learned that there is a possibility he might not be able to leave the state of California until the restitution is paid. It’s like being in a state of limbo for him and his family.

My anxiety right now is extreme because of the waiting and the waiting and the waiting. As you all know the sooner he gets to Fire Camp, the quicker he gets out. The old coach told him the Captain said he will be leaving shortly and when his wife spoke to the Captain, he said Paul was number 48 or so on the waiting list. If someone has a specific skill such as an electrician or mechanic, they will be transferred first. Some people don’t have specific skills and are transferred very quickly. I don’t know the answer. I just know this is very frustrating for him and for all of us.

I’m going to list his topics from this blog: Another Week of Waiting, More on My Daughter, Leading the Class, Feeling a Bit Blue, Eating Alone. As you can tell by the titles, he’s a little down. Thank goodness each and every minute, he is working the GA Recovery Program!

Please keep those letters coming to him. And, as I promised the blogs will continue as soon as he gets transferred to Fire Camp.

Love you all!

Thursday was a Day Off

The cosmic prison forces were at work yesterday. A low level inmate escaped from a nearby prison yesterday and a few inmates who reside in the gym here may have contacted TB. I’m not sure if the escape from the nearby prison had anything to do with the delays in the afternoon but it did in the morning. The possible TB outbreak has put the inmates who reside in the gym under quarantine.

A memo was circulated regarding the possible TB outbreak and it sounded promising. No inmate has displayed symptoms of TB as of yet but those inmates in the gym have to remain quarantined until further notice. I have realized that this prison is the giant petrie dish and any airborne illness such as TB can grow like wildfire. I have been in the gym a few times to speak with both the old and the new coach but this hasn’t been recently. I will not allow myself to contact this illness and will be out of here to fire camp next week. The power of positive thinking is truly powerful.

Mail call arrived and I received a partial letter from a dear friend. I am anxiously awaiting for the rest of the letter to find out what the good news is all about! The other item I received was a notice of disallowed mail which was from my wife and according to the notification, the disallowed mail were two “very large” newspaper clippings. According to the regulations, only 3” x 5” clippings are allowed and no more than 5. These will be returned to my wife at my expense, I will need to ask what these clippings were about when I speak with her next.

The possible TB outbreak in the gym has wrecked havoc on every yard opening and the evening yard was no exception. The inmates who reside in the gym were fed last and everyone else had to remain in their dorms completely segregated from these inmates to not possibly contact TB. This delayed the evening yard and cancelled the telephone sign-ups. To make matters worse the alarm went off when I got outside; I was down on the ground for 5 minutes before the “all clear” announcement was made. Yesterday was a lost day due to all the delays and restriction to the yard.

As my friend and I walked, we discussed the big news of the possible solving of the prison overcrowding crisis. My friend didn’t understand how this new law will help not only the immediate overcrowding issue but even the future overcrowding as well. He pointed out part of the problem lies in the parole and the sentencing. I can understand what he was saying as at least 60% of the inmates are here are for parole violations. The legislature had a great opportunity to change the sentencing and parole laws but failed. All they did was add more beds to an already overcrowded system and threw some money at some Programs. My friend was not sold that the Federal Judge would agree to this plan. I’m not sure if part of his response was a little denial but he made some very good points. I certainly don’t know what happens next with this law. I do know I have a release date sometime next February or March and after that I will be with my family. Of course it would be wonderful to join them sooner, but that possibility seems unlikely.

The proposal is as follows: The legislation has passed a plan to add 53,000 new beds throughout the prison system and have added re-entry programs for the inmates. The proposal will be passed on to the governor where he will sign it into law. This will cost 6.1 billion dollars which is much less than the 11 billion dollars proposed from the Governor. Apparently the Republicans and the Democrats compromised on certain aspects of this offer. I am a bit unclear as to how this relieves the current overcrowding conditions because to me this plan should take a few years to implement. Also, I am unclear as to whether or not the Federal Judge will have the final say. It was the Federal Judge who gave the state six months to develop a plan and to implement it. I am very interested to read the specifics of this and very interested to see how the Federal Judge rules in the coming weeks.

The Secret

When the mail call came I received two letters from my mother. Interestingly, one of the letters was mailed from Colorado when she was visiting my sister and the other was mailed from New Jersey upon her return home. I received both of these letters on the same day in spite of them being sent 3 days apart and some 2000 miles apart. The mail delivery can be categorized as very inconsistent which falls into the theme of prison; “the only consistency is inconsistency”. Anyhow these were excellent letters and something my Mom wrote stood out. She was telling me about “The Secret” which is energy in the Universe. As my mother wrote, “Basically it’s energy – what you give is what you get.” An example of this in golf before a particular swing (actually all swings and putts) the great golfers visualize their shot. Tiger Woods comes to mind as he sees every shot before he even makes a swing. In a grander scale – it is a goal which needs to be reinforced every day with visualization. My mom went on to provide me with several examples of people we knew who used this technique – one is my younger sister who has been using this method before it was labeled “The Secret”. Essentially it is the power of positive thinking with visualization – it is affirmative realization.

Practically all of my life I thought of myself as a positive person who is kind, caring, and giving. However, I let my compulsive gambling take over my life and made me a thief who is currently in prison. Reading this letter made me realize I have to be 100% or more positive in all aspects of my life. I should not and will not qualify matters anymore. The adage of “hope for the best but expect the worse” does not hold true for me anymore. I expect the best and will approach everything with a truly positive focus. For instance, I will be transferred to Fire Camp next week not I hope to be transferred next week. Yes, I fully understand there are so many events which are out of my control; however, this does not preclude me from being positive and using the positive energy. Happiness, love, and excellence surrounds me in all areas of my life and now I have to channel the positive energy out. Yes, I messed up but it will not define me as a person. I am a good person and have always been a good person. I made a mistake which is now in the past and I am living a positive, purposeful life with meaning. I no longer exist - I live - with such wonders. These wonders are all of my family. Life does get better with each passing day.

I don’t know if what I am writing about makes any sense to anyone other than me, but this very simple concept of positive energy out equals positive energy back rings so true. I am done apologizing for my behaviors of the past and I am a better person today than I have ever been in my life. I live for today with positive energy in all facets. It felt so good to read this letter from my mother and “The Secret” hit home with me. I have been on the peripheral of the “The Secret” for so long but now through recovery it is no longer a secret but my way of life!

I had to read this letter several times and each time I felt the power increase. I can visualize a great life with my family which we begin when my sentence is served. I have no doubt life will continue to get better each day with the positive energy. Also, I have to mention again, my younger sister, her husband, and her children are perfect examples of this positive energy. Their home and their attitudes have always been positive which shows in all aspects of their lives. They never wavered in their support for my family and me. They are great people and I am blessed to have them in my life. My sister has always focused on the positive and does not allow negatives to creep in her life or her home. This permeates to her children who are so very happy. In the past I have always tried to be positive with my children, but now I no longer TRY – I DO. I have always believed “what I put in is what I get out”. Now I will put in positives and get out positives! I was very empowered by this letter and after my hot shower I started to write. Oddly enough I willed a hot shower and it was indeed hot!

As I was waiting for the telephone sign-up, I noticed 26 cadet CO’s arrive on the yard. This meant one thing; they were going to search the dorms. My only thought went to the two bananas in my locker. Unlike last week when I had the two bananas taken from my locker I was ready for any would be search. I had hidden the bananas in my Tupperware bowl deep beneath the food in my locker. Only a search which included actually going into my locker and moving things around would reveal them. I thought they were safe. The cadets were searching other dorms and arrived at ours. I was sitting on my bunk when the cadet searched my locker. He stood looking inside for a good 2 minutes but he did not touch anything. I breathed a sigh of relief when he closed without incident. This search seemed more like a training assignment than anything else as the cadets found practically nothing inside my dorm. They did find my neighbor’s clothesline and a water bag which is used like a dumbbell, but no one was written up for these items. My clothesline was safely hidden underneath my pillow and out of sight. I was still nervous because I will not let anything delay me from fire camp. “The Secret” worked as I willed the cadet away form my bunk without incident. I can feel the power of “The Secret” and I really like it!

At Least One More Week

I somehow managed to pass the time yesterday during the extended lunch period without focusing on whether or not I would be receiving a transpack (transfer) ducat later. I didn’t even bother to put away the bag of food I brought back from the store in hopes I would be taking it with me. I saw an inmate who delivers the transpact ducats near my dorm. I quickly jogged over to him as he approached my dorm. By the time I reached him he had passed my dorm without stopping to deliver any ducats. I caught up to him and asked if there were any ducats for my dorm or for me and he replied “no” on both counts. There it was in a brief second – I learned I will be here at least one more week. Yes, I was disappointed but not devastated. It was fairly amazing because I waited all week for this moment and it was over in a nano-second. Now I start the cycle all over again. I don’t know what it is with my dorm especially my Bunkie because many of the dorm mates have been waiting longer than me. My Bunkie is now entering his 13th week of waiting. I am only at 7 weeks. Putting it into perspective, I don’t feel too badly.

The evening yard opened 30 minutes later than usual, but I still had plenty of time before my telephone call to my wife. This call was supposed to be the call where I informed her I was transferring to Fire Camp. However, it became the call where I informed my wife I will be at least one more week. When I reached her I did most of the talking early on as I quickly realized something was not right with her. She told me she spoke with the Captain in charge of the camp placements the day before. This was the second time she spoke with him and he basically told her the same thing - that I am on the waiting list. The one positive that I gained from my wife’s conversation was that the Captain instantly recognized my name. I do take this as a positive because at least I am more than just a file.

When I finished talking about the fire camp, I asked my wife what was wrong. It was obvious that there was something very wrong as my wife was extremely down. This is the first time in 9 ½ months, I heard her this down and depressed. She then asked me, “How do you know something is wrong?” I’m not clairvoyant, but I have known my wife for 25 years and I do know when something is wrong by her voice. She told me what is bothering her. My wife is having financial difficulties which are directly related to my actions. However, not once during our conversation did she blame me or say anything disparaging. In fact my wife has never blamed me (at least TO me) or held a grudge for what I did to her and the children. She has been beyond loving and supportive throughout this journey. She has handled everything very well but now the financial consequences are hitting her hard. My wife is not in an easy position but she is always positive toward me. She tries to shield me from the negative as much as possible. I need to hear the negative and last night’s conversation was about the negative effects on her.

Unfortunately, there is little I can do to help her while I am in here, I can listen and possibly offer some input but I am at a loss to really make a dent in these financial consequences. We both know this situation is only temporary; however, right now my wife is feeling all the depressing effects of the reality of this situation. She is doing more than her best and all I want to do is hug her while telling her everything will be okay. My words of “Everything will be okay” won’t make the bills go away so I was helpless. She does have some options but these are taking way too long and she has hit some obstacles along the way. She is not only depressed but frustrated as well. Compared to my wife, I have it easy in here because prison reality is much different than real world reality. In the real world there are bills, soccer games, softball games, chauffeuring the children to their events while in prison there is “Should I go to the dining hall for dinner tonight?” In a way I am isolated from what is real as I live in a suspended state. My wife is being punished more than I am as she has to deal with real world problems by herself.

I didn’t have any words of wisdom and I certainly feel so badly for her. She was so down and depressed and also has to make some decisions which will impact her and the children. To say her life is “not easy” is a gross understatement. My wife has always done her best and will continue. She will get through this and hopefully soon. It hurt hearing her so down but I need to hear this not as a punishment to me but the reality of it all. As I hung up my earlier disappointment of not getting transferred seemed very inconsequential to what my wife is dealing with.

Afterward I met up with my friend who just came back from a recovery program based on the book “A Purposeful Life” which is spiritual and based on Christianity. He came back from the introductory meeting as positive as I have ever seen him! As he was telling me about the meetings, I realized how much I miss the GA meetings. These meetings are open to anyone not just those who are addicted to alcohol and drugs and I told him I would be very interested in going.

The rest of the evening my friend and I sat and talked as opposed to walking. I told him about the conversation I had with my wife and he made a very generous offer regarding the situation. I could not take him up on it but he kept pressing me so I told him I would let him know later on. I really couldn’t believe he would make an offer such as this since I really have only known him for the last six months. Even in a place like this there are some tremendous people in the world and I know one of them. I was deeply moved with the offer and he is truly a friend. The evening yard ended and as I walked back to my dorm, my friend reiterated the offer. I thanked him and said good-night.

My life is good. Here I had a day filled with disappointment and frustration. However, the day ended with hope and generosity along with the excitement of the recovery program. As odd as this may sound, I am so grateful for my life. There is so much positive in my life and I am truly blessed in so many ways. I went into the dorm with a smile on my face knowing life is great!

Tuesday Does Come Fast

I was waiting for the afternoon yard unlock yesterday and I was talking with one of my dorm mates who is also waiting for his transfer. He has been waiting 10 weeks since he completed the fire fighting training class. He was telling me a former dorm mate who transferred to a Fire Camp back in December and was rolled-up (returned) in January. This former dorm mate tested positive for drugs (marijuana) and was sent back here in January where he had to serve 90 days before returning to Fire Camp. I have a very strong opinion regarding these inmates who test positive for drugs. His 90 days are up and he asked the relief CO (by the way this particular CO only works on my tier on Mondays and is a very personable nice man) to call over to the Fire Camp assignment office to see if he was transferring this week. The CO did call over there and he is transferring tomorrow to a different camp then he was in back in December. This is normal procedure because once an inmate gets rolled up from a camp, he cannot return to that same fire camp. When my dorm mate was telling me this I thought I should ask the relief CO to check on my status. I didn’t know these things were done and I did ask the regular CO if he could call over to this same office a few weeks ago but he told me when he calls no one is ever there and my best option was to write them. Hearing the story about my former dorm mate made me realize there is a way to find out my status.

The unlock arrived and the relief CO was at the door. I did ask him if he could call that office for me. He seemed a bit reluctant but did take my information and said he would call but gave me no guarantees. He also told me to come back later to see if he had an answer. It was almost 1:00 pm and this relief CO ends his shift at 2:00 so he only had an hour to call, but I was optimistic. I went over to the basketball court for the afternoon session of the PFT Plus Class. I figured I would participate in the class of 2 students and when it was over I would see the CO. The Monday class is the easiest of the week and I didn’t even break a sweat when it was over. At the conclusion of the class I still had 30 minutes before the CO went off shift and the same amount of time for my scheduled phone call. I figured I could get in a 100 very fast burpees and went over to the CO. As soon as he saw me, he shook his head and said, “I called but there was no one there.” I thanked him for his effort and this really shouldn’t surprise me. Yes, I would have liked to know in advance, but it was not to be.

After hearing this news I headed over to the telephones and saw my friend standing in front of them. I also noticed that no one was on the any of the phones and this is when my friend said, “The telephones are out of order and no one knows when they will be back on.” This is not surprising as well since I wanted to call my wife to see if she spoke with the Captain earlier regarding the status of my transfer. Also, I was looking forward to speaking with my children. Now none of this was going to happen and once again I have until this afternoon to see if I receive a transfer ducat.

The telephones have been relatively un-newsworthy until yesterday and now there is no telling when they will be in operation again. With some good fortune this could be the last time I have “technical difficulties” assuming I am transferred to fire Camp which would be tomorrow. I had two disappointments within a matter of minutes, but I just smile and shake my head while saying, “It figures.” These are insignificant issues in my life and although it sometimes seems as if there is a conspiracy against me, I accept all these non-events. I briefly spoke with my friend as he was holding out hope that the telephones would work so he could make his telephone call. We realized the telephones were not coming back on and I headed over to the Harvard Wall.

I can take solace in the exercise part of my day. In the morning, I essentially did 2 hours of exercise between the PFT class and my person exercise. In the afternoon I did another 2 hours between the PFT Plus and my personal exercises. Taking Sunday off from exercising proved very beneficial, as I had a big exercise day on Monday. I embarked on a 90 minute session on the Harvard Wall. I had plenty of time in the afternoon yard and I was going to stay out for the entire yard by-passing the 2:45 unlock. I did not have to concern myself with the shower because I had priority due to my Instructor job. The 90 minute session on the Harvard Wall went by very quickly. In fact, I play a little mind game with myself – I do 45 minutes bending with the left leg and then another 45 minutes leading with the right leg. I listen to the radio and try to look at my stop watch after counting a specific number of songs. The first 45 minutes I looked at my stopwatch well before the 45 minute change-over mark – switching from one leg to another. However, on the second 45 minute session, I went over by one minute before I finally looked at the stopwatch. This means I was very focused on the exercise and I put those 2 earlier negative incidents in their proper place which was no longer in my mind. Some people seemed to get bored with these types of exercises, but I am always able to play mind games which always helps me to pass the time.

Before I go any further with my afternoon yesterday, I have to mention those inmates who get rolled up at Fire Camp for positive drug tests. These inmates do have to stay here 90 days and do lose some time on their sentence. However, they are always sent back to fire Camp and take priority on someone like me who has never been but has been fully trained. I am all for second chances; however, these positive drug tests are more than second chances. Being in the Fire Camp Program is a privilege – not a right- and it should be treated as such. There are many inmates who return here because of these positive drug tests only to return to test positive again. Some are even given a 3rd chance and are sent back to fire Camp. I don’t understand how this works – this is prison and essentially the Fire Camp Program is a second chance for all of us. It gets us outside the prison walls and we get a chance to give back to society. I understand addiction because I am a compulsive gambler and for me something is wrong with the system if these inmates continue with what brought them to prison. I don’t have the answers, but something needs to change. It is hard to help someone who doesn’t want it, but there has to be something available. Hopefully, with all the discussion surrounding the overcrowding issues and recidivism rate something changes to help these inmates. If nothing is done, the cycle continues for those inmates inside and outside of prison.

I ended up doing 91 minutes instead of 90 minutes on the Harvard Wall. As I completed the exercise, I headed back to my dorm. There was yet another CO relief on duty who actually let me in 10 minutes prior to the closing of the yard. These 10 minutes provided a bonus to me as I got the number 1 slot in line for the shower which was coming on very soon. I’m not sure if it is such a good idea to be first in the shower because the water is scalding hot which stays this way for almost the entire time I’m in the shower. I managed to not burn myself and get through the shower. I used the Head and Shoulders which is very fragrant and gives me a new level of clean.

I have mentioned how I like to cook the rice for a long time and last night I cooked – actually heated – the rice for almost 2 hours. As the rice was cooking, I wrote and waited for the mail call. It arrived but there were only two outside letters for our dorm. Strangely, neither one of these letters were for me. Apparently, the mail delivery is once again very slow.

After writing, I was ready for my rice and tuna fish dinner in mustard. I didn’t go to the dining hall for the Chicken Alfredo because there were no rice or beans. The rice and tunafish dish did hit the spot and I even had some of it with my tortilla – sort of like rice tuna fish burrito. I’m not sure how that would sell at Bagel Express but for the time being, it did hit the spot. My dinner was over and it was onto more writing while I waited for “Heroes” to come on. I was hoping that I would have been at Fire Camp watching the show, but this didn’t happen. “Heroes” has been on Hiatus for the last several weeks – I think the same of amount of time that I have been waiting about 6 weeks to go to Fire Camp and I am still here. I wonder if I will see the final episode for the season here or at Fire Camp?

It took me awhile to remember what was going on in “Heroes” but once I got up to speed I really enjoyed the program. The show concluded and I got ready for bed. I got to sleep a little past my usual time and seemed to sleep 90 minutes before waking up. Thankfully, this only happened twice last night, not like the previous night. I did have a dream I remembered. It was regarding my transfer to Fire Camp and I dreamt I didn’t receive the “transpack” ducat this afternoon. The dream actually felt like a replay of last week, and I waited for the ducat but did not receive one. I guess this is my subconscious way of preparing me for the worst. I sure hope my dream is wrong, but if it doesn’t happen so be it and I will set my sights on next week.

The PFT Class went well until the end. When we were doing the mile run, the alarm went off during our last lap. We are required to stop whatever we are doing and get down on our stomachs. Everyone did this without incident and we stayed down on our stomachs for about 4 minutes. The all clear signal was given and we were up and running.

The class ended just in time for me to wait in line for the store. I didn’t get to the store last month but really I am okay. The process for the store started out slowly but since the CO reversed the numbers, I had a good chance of going in the morning. He called my number and I eagerly approached with a completed list in my hand. I was dressed in my PFT Instructor uniform which not acceptable for this CO. He instantly told me I need some kind of “blue” clothing and wouldn’t accept my list. This was news to me because everytime I have gone to the store in the past six months, I have never had my blues on and I had no problem. When he told me this, I didn’t know what to do because if I ran back to the dorm and got my blues, the CO would have skipped right over my turn. I didn’t say anything to him although I really wanted to and was about to go back to my dorm when one of the inmates standing near the store offered me his shirt. This inmate whom I didn’t know heard the conversation and was about to take his shirt off. Before he did, my friend was standing behind him and quickly gave me his shirt. I thanked the other inmate for his generosity but felt more comfortable taking my friend’s shirt. Apparently wearing the blue shirt over my uniform was good enough for the CO because he let me gain access to the caged in area at the store window. I was so grateful I was able to get in at that time because if I had not, I didn’t know when I would be able to go next. I purchased a pint of vanilla ice cream for my Bunkie and a snickers bar for my friend. I was thinking about giving the ice cream to my friend but he is trying to watch his weight so I gave him the snickers instead since it has less calories. My Bunkie was very happy to receive the ice cream and I also gave him 6 soups since he has very little. He has been a good Bunkie and I am happy to feed him.

Book in a Day

The rain came down heavy Saturday night into Sunday morning. As I walked to the dining hall for breakfast, it was still rainy, cold, and windy. Walking back from breakfast was not a nice weather day as the rain came down. It made me alter my plans and I decided to take the full day off from exercising. Normally, on the weekend day in which I have morning yard, I will run the entire time the yard is open. However, even though I am a fanatic about exercise, I do have some limitations. I’m not fond of running in the rain, wind, and cold. Yesterday morning all three of these variables were alive and well.
I mentally prepared my self to take the entire day off. When the yard opened, the rain had stopped and I was second guessing myself something awful. I felt guilty staying inside the dorm and not going outside to exercise. I had to busy myself with something so I started to write. Thirty minutes after the yard opened the skies opened up and it poured. I did make a good decision by staying inside.

This is something I don’t do if I can help it. However, with the inclement weather, I had little choice. Also, my body needed some down time as I have exercised just about everyday over the past seven weeks. Anything in excess including exercise is not good and the day off was well needed. I didn’t do much all day yesterday. Of course I wrote, I even watched a little of the morning news along with catching a few minutes of the NBA playoff game between the Phoenix Suns and the Los Angeles Lakers. Apparently, many of my dorm mates are fans of the Lakers and were rooting quite vigorously during the game. Unfortunately, they lost and my dorm mates were disappointed.

Most of the day, I remained on my bunk reading the fourth installment in the Left Behind Series. I was able to receive this from another inmate shortly after lunch. I did eat more than I usually eat yesterday probably out of boredom more than anything. The Sunday breakfast had cold cereal ( a knock off of rice Krispies) and eating only this made me hungry an hour later. I snacked on some trail mix prior to making the PB &J sandwich and soup lunch. Even after this large lunch, I felt myself getting hungry a few hours later and I had to snack on some pretzels before making my own dinner. I passed on going to the hamburger dinner as there weren’t any beans on the menu. I made my rice and peanut butter. The key to this dish is heating the peanut butter so it spreads easily. I have never thought of having peanut butter and rice together until I came to prison. Unbelievably, it actually tastes good to me!

As I mentioned, I spent most of the day reading. I started the book shortly after lunch and finished it before going to sleep at my usual time. These books read very quickly, but I was surprised to finish it in one day. Unfortunately, the inmate who gave me this book cannot get the next book in the series until next Sunday. The prison church dispenses these and I should have told him to get number 5 along with number 4, but I didn’t think about it until later. The book was just like the first 3 in the series and the story continues. There is more mystery than Biblical inferences in the book which I believe is good. I was very happy to spend an entire Sunday passing the time reading. I’m not sure if I have ever finished a book in one day before, but now I have. As I was reading during yesterday afternoon, my dorm mates decided to have a radio war. That is when two, sometimes more but yesterday there were only two, thank goodness) radios are played at opposite ends of the dorm with different radio stations blaring. In my opinion, the radio stations couldn’t have been worse as one radio was playing the twangy country music which is not one of my favorites – while the other was playing Spanish/Mexican music – also not one of my favorites. This was unusual for my dorm as there usually is only one radio playing at a time which plays the oldie rhythm and blues station – which I do like. However, yesterday afternoon I was subjected to the radio wars for 2 hours. Somehow I found a way to block out the noise and just concentrate on reading. I’m not sure how I accomplished this, but I did and stayed focused on the book. I guess the book was good enough to block out my surroundings and I wasn’t upset about the noise.

After I ate my peanut butter and rice dish, I waited for the evening yard to open. The rain had stopped earlier in the afternoon and the skies were clear for the evening yard. I was looking forward to going out since I was cooped up in the dorm all day. I put my book down and went outside for the evening yard. I had given my telephone call to my friend since he gave me his on Friday night. Before that phone call, we walked for a few minutes and talked. Once again my friend told me that this was the week I will be transferred to Fire Camp. He has said this every week for the past three weeks and one of these weeks, he will be right. Now that my friend has finished the firefighter program, he is into the waiting game as well. I am fairly certain he will not have to wait as long as I have since he has previous fire camp experience and is a clerk. His job as a clerk provides him access to the Sergeants and Lieutenants who can help him expedite his transfer. It wouldn’t surprise me if my friend was transferred before I was. I certainly hope this doesn’t happen, but if it does we have an agreement which is whoever arrives at Fire Camp first brings the other one the next week. It would be nice to be at the same Fire Camp with my friend as he has served as my mentor and I serve as his listening buddy. Who knows what the future has in store for either one of us and for right now I am happy to call him friend. I signed up for a telephone call on Tuesday evening which will hopefully serve as my last phone call here as if I do depart it will be early Wednesday morning.

The evening yard ended and I went back to finish my book. I only had 60 pages to go and didn’t have any trouble completing it prior to my normal bedtime. I finished the book and because I really didn’t really do anything physical all day, I wasn’t really tired. I had a hard time falling asleep especially since I drank about 2 gallons of water during the day. I made sure to drink enough during the day and I didn’t want to eat all my food so I switched to water. I must have an undersized bladder because I would swear more water comes out of me than goes in! I’m not sure how this is possible but I am always making trips to the bathroom. I finally fell asleep after the lights went off at 11:00 pm but woke up 90 minutes later to use the restroom. This happened every 90 minutes thereafter until I finally got out of my bunk to start the day. I read somewhere that sleep cycles are 90 minutes in duration and this must be true because I wasn’t that tired when I got up this morning. Also, in between those times of getting up my sleep was filled with dreams. Sometimes it seems my dreams start as soon as I close my eyes. They were non-sensical and not very memorable.

Normally when I get up during the night no one is awake. This was the case this morning. I made my way into the television area and had to turn it on. This is where I start my stretching routine for 15 minutes. I wasn’t sure if I was going to early breakfast or not so I kept a watchful eye on the window for my fellow instructors. Time came for the early breakfast and none of the Instructors were outside and I knew I would be going to regular breakfast. Normally there is a menu posted in our dorm every Sunday night for the following week. Over the past few weeks this has been my job. However, the kitchen didn’t pass out a menu last night. I like reviewing it so I can plan my eating accordingly. This morning I headed toward the dining hall not knowing what was for breakfast. When I arrived, I saw other inmates eating their pancakes, sausage, and oatmeal breakfast. It was the very filling pancake breakfast and as I approached the CO, he knew right away to call for a “no-meat” tray. I have certainly been here too long because most of the CO’s in the dining hall know my vegetarian requirement. I have come along way in the last 6 months but it is time to move on.

After breakfast, I headed over to the basketball court to start the PFT class. Once I arrived there, I had to wait another 45 minutes so all the inmates could eat breakfast. The breakfast release is somewhat back to normal even though the one race is still on lockdown. However, the CO’s were taking their time releasing the dorms for breakfast. Normally, breakfast is over by 8:00 am, but this morning it took until 8:30 am. Finally all the 10 PFT students arrived at the basketball court to start the class. Prior to this I was making small talk with the new coach which I am not crazy about doing. I don’t know what it is with this man, but each time I add something to the conversation he seems to change his demeanor. He could be very jovial and I or anyone else for that matter will say something and he tenses up. Upon seeing this, I said very little and tried to make myself scarce. Normally I can get along with most people, but the new coach is a tough nut to crack. My best strategy is to say very little and feign interest.

The one-sided banter with the new coach was over and again I was in charge of the class. I led them in all aspects of the class and everything went well. There was a little mix-up on the burpees but I quickly rectified the problem. The best part of the class for me is leading the mile run and the power walk. The cadences are not what they used to be when there was a 50 man class. Since there are only 10 students in the class, the cadences aren’t nearly as loud. In fact I gave up half way through the power walk because they were too quiet. The power walk was supposed to be 4 miles but only wound up to be 3 miles because the coach had to go somewhere and the class is not allowed to convene unless he is physically there. I was able to cool the class down with a series of stretches and then they were done. This left less than an hour in the morning yard and since I took yesterday off from any exercise I was feeling very strong. My normal routine is to run every other day while doing the Harvard Wall and push-up routines on the opposite days. Since I was feeling good, I opted for a pushup routine and I would do the Harvard Wall later in the afternoon. I had enough time in the morning to do 800 pushups and I finished my last one as the door closed.

Once again it was a very fast morning and a very good exercise session. I was able to do 4 miles in the class along with several calisthenics. It was a good morning and I went inside for an extended lunch period. I needed substance and found that with a peanut butter and banana sandwich, some trail mix, and graham crackers. I spent the rest of the lunch period listening to the lunch period while waiting for the afternoon yard to open.

A Request for Assistance

Paul’s mom here ~

As you know, Paul is awaiting his transfer to fire camp. Several inmates who have completed their requirements after him have already been transferred. This understandably causes much frustration and anxiety for Paul. His wife has contacted Lieutenant Taylor at La Cima in Julian and Lieutenant Jones at Bautista in Hemet. She has also contacted Captain Luna in Sierra. Paul’s preference is Hemet, but right now he will be pleased with either camp.

If someone has any contact with anyone in any of these camps which would expedite his transfer, we will be extremely grateful. We really don’t know who else to call or contact. Thank you for any assistance you might be able to give~

CDC #F38991

Holiday Hiatus

The blog, once again, will be interrupted during the holidays and we will be back when Paul gets transferred to Fire Camp.

A Wonderful Easter and belated Passover to everyone!

And, thanks to all of you who have been reading and supporting Paul~

See you soon~
Monica and Phyllis

Oh, No What Just Happened?

It was time to get up, wash, and brush my teeth. I made my way to the bathroom area and while I was brushing my teeth, I made a startling discovery. I looked in the mirror and saw that there were only a few strands of hair left on my head. This was the same for my eyebrows and upon closer examination, the rest of my body. I had no idea what was happening. My first thought was the new shampoo – had I just had a reaction to using this? I have used Head and Shoulders before and obviously nothing remotely close to this had happened. I thought further and maybe it was one of the gnats (which landed on me during the time I was running outside) which gave me this reaction. This didn’t make any sense since if I had a reaction, it would have been with hives, not having my hair fall out. I went back to my bunk and inspected my pillow and unbelievably there wasn’t any hair to be seen anywhere. Where did it all go? Could my hair have just disintegrated or vaporized? Does this mean it wouldn’t grow back?

I got ready for breakfast and decided to play off my bald head to my dorm mates to see if anyone noticed. Oh, they all noticed and I got some interesting comments – such as – “Now you look like one of us.” to “You look like a cancer patient but in a good way.” I tried to explain to my dorm mates what I thought had happened and all of them were equally puzzled. I certainly hope my hair does grow back because quite frankly, I am a very unattractive skinny bald man! I guess I will give it a few days to see if my hair starts growing back, and if it doesn’t then I will make an appointment with the doctor. I really don’t want to do this since this can delay my transfer to fire camp. On the other hand, if I have subjected myself to some kind of an allergic reaction, maybe something can be done to grow my hair back. I guess worse case scenario – I will remain bald. This should make for a very interesting reunion with my wife when she comes to visit me at fire camp hopefully within a month. Oh well, thankfully I have the Serenity Prayer and I know everything will be fine. I’m sure my resistance against the wind will be less as I run so at least I will become faster!







By the way, Happy April Fool’s Day to everyone! Did anyone actually believe I lost all of my hair? Hope you had a wonderful day! HA! HA!

What is the Truth?

I was still shaking my head wondering what happened with the old “Coach” and how I went from inquiring about my transfer to fire camp status to having a new task for the week while I went back to the dorm for the lunch period. After eating lunch my routine stayed was the same as I wrote for the rest of the afternoon. The mail call came and I received one piece of mail which was from my Mother. My mother was kind enough to include a few “A Day at a Time” reflections which is the daily reading published my Gamblers Anonymous. Before entering prison I would read these each day as I started my day which would put me in the proper frame of mind. Unfortunately, I am not allowed to have this book because it only comes in hard cover. I have been fortunate because my Mother and my sponsor have sent me copies of the daily reflections. Reading these even though the days don’t coincide gives me a sense of serenity and reinforces for my recovery. Each day I do my best and each day I get a little better as my sanity is restored. I have come along way in 2 years but I know there is no finish line. It is not like one day I will wake up and be cured as a compulsive gambler. The cure for me is to stay in recovery which means to NOT gamble and also to be a better person. In two years this method has worked very well and I love the results. My life has more meaning now then it has ever had and each day is a blessing in recovery. Yes, I am currently in a place where I am isolated from the rigors and stress of the real world, however; as long as I am focused in recovery my life inside and outside of prison will be positive.

In spite of the rainstorm I went out into the evening yard to make a telephone call. I initially called my Mother but there is still a block on the telephone. I also tried my Grandmother’s phone (who lives with my Mother) number but she too has a block on her telephone. Since I couldn’t get through to my Mother I called my wife. I wanted to find out how she did with assisting me with the transfer to fire camp. She did great as she not only wrote a letter (along with the assistance of my Mother) to the fire camp which she faxed yesterday; she made a few telephone calls on my behalf. She spoke with someone at the fire camp who was very helpful. As it turns out the fire camp didn’t have any paperwork on me which meant they had no idea I existed. This is not surprising as the old “Coach” obviously did not pass my information along or it is sitting on the Captain’s desk. My wife also called the Captain in charge of fire camp placements and he is out of the office until Thursday while he is visiting various fie camps. She will follow up on Thursday when he returns. I am so blessed to have such an extraordinary woman in my life and my wife is my champion. She is helping in everyway possible and even though I have not seen her in over 8 months I feel closer to her now more than ever. My love for her grows more and more every day. We had a great conversation and of course the 15 minutes flew by. We did have a chance to say good-bye and I love you as the phone call ended. As I got off the telephone there wasn’t another inmate waiting to get on which is always the case. So I called my friend over as he was trying to get on the telephone. He was able to place his telephone call and speak with his girlfriend. He needed the phone call as things haven’t been going so well on the home front. The telephone call did cheer him up.

This morning was a change of routine as I was to go across to the other yard with my fellow instructors to assist the old “Coach” with his PFT class. The old Coach was able to secure the proper signatures as we met him outside of his office. He took us across to the other side where it was like old times. First we met the instructors on this yard and if first impressions mean anything they seem like good guys. I was able to speak with one of the instructors who is also waiting to go to fire camp. As it turns out he is waiting to go to the same fire camp that I want to attend in Southern California. He finished all his training requirements back in September but had a medical issue which was subsequently cleared in January. This means he has been waiting 3 months for his transfer. I asked why is it taking so long and he told me the fire camp has a new Sergeant who discovered the fire camp’s racial make-up was out of balance. Apparently, inmates from my race are taking between 3 and 4 months for a transfer because the Sergeant is trying to rectify the racial in balance. I do know an inmate who was transferred to this fire camp last week who was of my race and had only been waiting one month.

Now, I don’t know what the truth really is since the old “Coach” gave me the same speech of racial balance that this Instructor was giving me. I am not sure if this information is coming from the same source (“Coach”) or for that matter what I should believe. If I have to wait between 3 and 4 months for a transfer to this fire camp I will select another fire camp. There are a few fire camps in the area of where I used to live in Southern California. The key for me is to get there as soon as possible so I can be with my family as soon as possible. This fire camp in Southern California would have worked out perfectly since it is the closest one to where my friend’s live, however; there are 3 others not that much further away. I need to understand where I stand and if I can’t get to this fire camp within a month I need to select a different fire camp. Hopefully, on Thursday my wife will have more information when she speaks with the Captain. I realize these events are out of my control but I need all the facts so I can come up with an alternative plan if need be. I am positive everything will workout for the best because it has so far to this point.

Open the Can of Worms!

I have now established a new routine for the weekend day (which was yesterday) that I have afternoon yard. I start out the day just like any other day by going to breakfast and returning back to the dorm. Since I must stay inside the dorm all morning I try to make the best of my time. Yesterday I finished up my writing for the week which took a little over an hour. At this point I had all morning to myself. A few of my dorm mates were in the television area watching the new movie. I have stated in the past I don’t care much to watch TV let alone a movie which changes every week. The name of this week’s movie was “Pulse” and I had never heard of it and had no idea what it was about. I passed on watching it. As a side note there is one member of my dorm who always looks forward to the new “state” movie which airs on Fridays and Mondays. The movie which airs on Friday will be shown until Sunday. While the movie aired on Sundays runs all the way until Friday. Each Friday and Sunday morning this dorm mate is the first one in the television area waiting for the movie to air. It doesn’t matter what the movie is, he is always there. This is the highlight of his week which in and of itself is very sad. Oddly this dorm mate does not watch much television but he is ready for the first run of the new movies.

I have been going fairly strong with exercising over this past week for a number of reasons. Exercising does allow me to relieve any stress and with my hopeful transfer to fire camp and new “Coach” there have been a few stresses this week. I am not sure but it has been a while since I took an entire day off from exercising. I need to be careful not to over do it or injure myself. I have mentioned my hip a few times and there is a slight twinge but as I exercise any semblance of pain disappears. It does help immensely to pass the time very quickly and yes, the morning went by very fast. I finished in time for a quick clothes washing section and hung the clothes over the post on my bunk as the clotheslines are still not permitted. Then I had a PB&J sandwich for a very light lunch as I still had more exercising in the afternoon.

The yard opened yesterday afternoon and my earlier exercising opened up more time for me in the yard. I was able to participate in the telephone sign up selection. Once again my ID card was pulled very quickly and I was able to get a desirable time. However, there is one telephone which I try to stay away from since it works terribly. I can hear fine on this telephone but the person I am speaking with can barely hear me so I have to scream. This telephone has been like this for several months yet it has not been fixed. The sign up selection is done at random and so is the assignment of the telephone. The bad telephone is #5 and as I sign up the clerk was putting me into this slot. This has happened before and usually I mention to the inmate if I could please have another telephone and they change to another telephone. Yesterday, the clerk must have been in a bad mood because he did not even acknowledge me as he wrote my name down in the #5 slot even though I must have said, “Please can I have another telephone” at least 4 times. Unfortunately, I have telephone #5 tomorrow at 3:30 pm and this telephone is extremely frustrating because I cannot be heard. Also, placing the call through the Bail Bonds Company makes the audio of the call lower and having a conversation on phone #5 is very difficult. Maybe the telephone has been fixed although I doubt it very much. I have no choice so I will give it a try tomorrow.

Dinner time was fast approaching and again the menu was favorable for me with rice and black eyed peas along with cornbread. I most certainly attended dinner in the dining hall and had huge portions of each along with 2 slices of corn bread. Needless to say I was extremely full from this dinner and finished eating for the day. I made my way back to the dorm and spent the rest of the evening listening to the radio all night long. I was able to listen to the audio broadcast of “60 minutes” and interestingly enough one of the stories was about Dennis Kozlowski the incarcerated CEO of Tyco Industries. This man is currently serving a prison sentence of 8 to 25 years for basically stealing 100’s of millions of dollars from the company. I am not exactly up on all of his charges on the case but from what I heard his charges could not have come at a worse time because the Enron and WorldCom scandals were happening as well. Unlike the executives indicted in the Enron scandal, Mr. Kozlowski is in a New York State prison where as the Enron Executives are in a Federal Prison. In terms of “doing time” for a white collar criminal the Federal system is the way to go but Mr. Kozlowski’s charges was a New York State matter. The interview was conduced inside the New York State Prison. It wasn’t an earth-shattering interview as he is appealing his case and said very little. However, he did mention something about sleeping in prison and how he keeps waking up every hour and wondering is it is all a dream. I felt this same way in my first 30 days while I was in the County Jail. Soon after leaving the County Jail I realized this is my temporary reality and not a dream. I still wake up several times each evening but I no longer expect to wake up next to my wife and see my children come into the room. All of this has been temporarily suspended for the next year. I don’t nearly have the time Mr. Kozlowski has but I completely understand his emotional state. I do know that as long as I stay in recovery and remain positive each and everyday I will wake up with my wife next to me and see my children come into the room very soon.

The PFT Plus class went by very fast which was good because I needed to see the old “Coach”. I went in to see if he had spoken to the Captain on Friday. Unfortunately he hadn’t as the Captain was not in. I am at a loss as to what to do from here. I really don’t want to pressure the "Coach” as he can really assist in my transfer but I want to know if he is going to do that. In my heart I believe he will help me but my brain is telling me something else. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any further information and now I just wait. I really have to believe the old “Coach” will help me and my departure to fire camp will come sooner as opposed to later. He is a decent person and unless I am completely misjudging him, his intentions are genuine.

What is Really Going On?

When I heard about the fourth member of my class transferring, I wondered what really was going on. I needed to talk with the old coach but had to wait until the morning. Also, according to one of the inmates who has completed the FTP class and wants to go to the same camp I would like to go to – he had his mother call the Lieutenant at the Fire Camp and found out there are openings for members of my race “all the time”. This news made me somewhat happy yet I am still befuddled about my status. All the walks and talks ended but I was with an inmate last night whowas in my FTP class and he is older than me and has been “down” for almost 3 years. He has overcome many obstacles to get into the fire camp program and now he is in the same boat as me – we are both anxiously awaiting out transfer. He has a very interesting story as his wife and he were sentenced on the same day almost 3 years ago. She has been in the woman’s firefighting program for almost all of that time and she has 3 more months to go. Her sentence was actually longer than her husbands but because she has been involved in the fire camp program she has saved almost 18 months on her sentence. Since it has taken her husband so long to reach fire camp, he will only save 4 months and be out this time next year. As he told me all of this he seemed very calm and both of their charges had to do with drugs.

There are some amazing stories inside these prison walls and it is so easy to cast judgments on people because of being in prison. However, everyone in here is a human being first and foremost. I have serious flaws which led me here, but I am not a bad person just like this inmate I spoke with last night. Yes, he is flawed and made a mistake but I saw a husband and father, as we spoke not a convict. I hope and pray he will be all right when he is released and based on out conversations I think both he and his wife will be fine.

Banana Obtained

No one showed up for yesterday afternoon’s PFT class which is occurring more than ever. Yesterday the bottom tier – the one I reside in – had yard and notoriously the bottom tier has always had poor showings for this class. One of the reasons for the poor showing has been that the inmates who reside (not all) have a medical need. Some of the inmates are not allowed to climb stairs or climb up into a top bunk. I’m not sure of the percentage but they all reside in the bottom tier as required by the American Disabilities Act. A few years ago the California Prison System was sued because they were not in compliance with the ADA. The Prison system thought they were exempt from this Act so an inmate took then to court and won. Now the Prison system must comply with the ADA or face heavy fines from the Federal Government. Due to the medical needs of certain inmates the pool of physically able inmates who can participate in the PFT and the PFT Plus Class is limited especially for the bottom tier. I suspect no one showed up yesterday because of the new coach. However, the inmates should participate in the PFT Plus Class because it will help them in so many ways. With the new coach, I’m not sure how long these classes will be in existence with such poor show ups.

I wrote a few people regarding my transfer to fire camp. I asked the regular CO if he could call over to the fire camp transfer office to see if I was indeed dedicated to the fire camp in Southern California. He told me every time he has called over there no one answers so he gave me the names of the captains in charge and suggested I write them which is what I did. I filled out a “request for transfer” slip. I have had mixed results with internal correspondence in the past. Some officials respond quickly and others never respond. I am still awaiting a response about all the mail I need to ship and it has been over 2 weeks. Hopefully, I will be able to send out all my mail and not have to take it to fire camp. I am still amazed when I look at the laundry bag filled with all of the mail I have received in the last 8 months. One of the inmates said to me, “I won’t get that much mail in the whole 5 years I will be here!” I am truly blessed.

Last night I was catching up on current events and I wonder if President Bush is counting down his days in the White House as I am counting down my days when I am with my family? I’m not sure if the term beleaguered is accurate in describing the events surrounding President Bush but it seems he is having a tough go is to say the least. I finished listening to the newscast and it was time to turn in for the evening. I didn’t have any dreams that I remembered and I did wake up a few times during the night especially when the flashlight came through.

At breakfast, once I saw the banana on my tray, I thought long and hard (I really have nothing to think about!) about how I could get it out of the dining hall since the “Fruit Nazi” is not stationed there. I didn’t know too much about the CO who was standing at the exit. Some of them don’t check for fruit and others are very thorough. I had my hat and thought about placing the banana in it but that didn’t work yesterday as it was an easy target for the Fruit Nazi. I could have stuffed the banana down my shirt, but I really had my back to the CO at the other door and I was worried someone would see me. I decided to use my hat which I placed on the table over the banana which I then moved to my lap in one motion. As the hat and banana sat on my lap, I very discreetly placed the banana in the waistband of my sweatpants and made sure my sweatshirt covered it. This sounds better than having a banana down my pants! As I was walking toward the door, I saw the CO checking inmates as they departed the dining hall. I thought I was going to get caught and thought of just throwing the banana out. I decided to take a chance and walked up to the CO where I received my lunch and walked out the door without having been checked. I successfully obtained the banana! Score one for me!! I know this probably sounds foolish but this is a by-product of my environment. In order for me to eat fruit either I have it for breakfast or try to take it out of the dining hall and eat it when I want to. This is the only fruit I receive each and everyday. There is a diabetic in my dorm who receives an evening snack of an apple, 2 peanut butter packets, and a bag of cheese nips. He sells this for one soup and I have bought them before, but I only eat one apple and peanut butter while giving away the cheese nips. Also, sometimes the apples are not so good. Of course, all of this is coming to an end very soon as the conditions at fire camp are much better.

Speaking of conditions here at SCC, if the current water usage continues, we will have to implement emergency procedures. Part of these is turning off the toilets. Yes, that is correct, we will no longer be able to use the toilets. Supposedly, the prison will bring in port-o-potties and will line the yard with them. Of course we will need an unlock to use these which will supposedly happen every hour on the hour. I sure hope I am long gone before this happens.

Clothesline Saga

On Monday morning the new Lieutenant on the yard did a sweep of the dorms looking for clotheslines. I was out in the yard at the time of the sweep. I was very fortunate because I have an attentive Bunkie who took down the clotheslines prior to the inspection. Some of my dorm mates were not as fortunate. Normally the clotheslines are cut off and that is the end of it. However, the Lieutenant has started to write up inmates with clotheslines. This is called a CDC 115 which is a disciplinary action. It can be administrative or serious. The administrative variety is preferred because it only entails hours of community service doing prison clean up. A serious 115 is not good for anyone hoping to get to Fire Camp. This can delay the process up to 90 days. I would have thought having a clothesline hanging would be an administrative 115. However, the lieutenant has different ideas. These were the serious ones and 9 of my dorm mates were to receive them. Somehow the write-ups never got processed for anyone in my dorm so they dodged a bullet especially those waiting for Fire Camp. Needless to say, I no longer have a clothesline hanging from my bunk and now my clothes hang from the ends of my bunk.

On the subject of Fire Camp, three members of my race from the same FTP class have been transferred this week. They all had outside influences helping them arrive at the Fire Camp of their choosing. One of them was a previous Instructor and according to him, the old coach didn’t expedite his transfer. He took matters into his own hands and got the transfer. Quite frankly, I am disappointed (not devastated) that I wasn’t transferred this week and I really thought the old coach was going to help me. Unfortunately, it is now difficult to speak with him because he is on the other yard.

I really believed the coach’s influence would assist my transfer, but now I am having doubts so last night I implemented Plan B. I wrote a letter to the Associate Warden whom I met last month as part of the protein drink saga. In the letter I mentioned the discussion about the doctor stating that I should be transferred to Fire Camp as soon as possible. I subtly asked the Associate Warden for assistance. I’m not sure if he will help me but it is worth a try. I have also written the old coach to ask if he would follow up on the information he sent to the Captain to ensure that he received it. I am doing everything in my power to ensure my information does not fall through the cracks. I am trying to cover all my options and I have asked my wife to telephone the coach, the Fire Camp Placement Captain, and the Lieutenant at the Fire Camp as a back up and also as a sphere of influence. I do know that one of the classmates who was transferred had his family call the Lieutenant in the Fire Camp directly. There are inmates who are waiting three months for a transfer and 3 of classmates were transferred within 2 weeks. I learned a long time ago that many things in life are determined by who you know and prison is no different.

Well, it finally happened – I got caught! At breakfast I was served a banana which was a bit green and needed a couple of days to ripen. I was faced with a dilemma which was - should I eat the green banana or should I try to sneak it out past the “Fruit Nazi.” He has never caught me with any fruit mostly because I don’t even try when he is on duty. Most days he does a cursory check as I walk out of the dining hall so I decided to take a chance and stuff the banana in my hat. I have done this before and have been successful in getting the banana out of the dining hall. Well, today was not successful and my eyes must have been filled with guilt as I approached him and he looked directly at the hat in my hands. He didn’t even have to say anything as I turned the banana over to him. He was almost apologetic as he took the banana from me and said, “I’m sorry, I can’t let you take the banana out.” I was finally caught by the “Fruit Nazi” and it really wasn’t so bad as he was very nice. My zeal for the banana overtook me, but there aren’t any ramifications like the clotheslines. I doubt if I will ever attempt – oh check that. I won’t ever attempt to take a piece of fruit out of the dining hall when the “Fruit Nazi “ is on duty.

Five Months in SCC

I felt a bit trapped as I walked into the coach’s office carrying the test booklets. He was accompanied by a CO form the yard and the two of them were discussing various recreational activities. The two of them discussed these at length while I waited for the coach to dismiss me. I had to interrupt the discussion since the coach seemed to forget about me. I did speak up and was finally allowed to leave. I waited for an unlock to get out of the gym which is where the coach’s office is located. This gymnasium houses 300 inmates and the coach’s office is on the second level. I looked out across the bunks and only noticed one unoccupied bunk. This meant 299 inmates live inside this gym! Cruel and Unusual – very possible? Most if not all of them are on some type of medication which makes them ineligible for fire camp. These inmates can serve their entire term being housed in the gym. I never get a good feeling when I enter this area and can’t wait to get out.

After the unlock, I headed straight over to the telephones to call my mother. I was reserving this time to call my wife but since I called her Sunday night, I used this time to call my mother utilizing the Bail Bond Company since it has been 2 weeks since I last spoke with her. We had a good conversation, but once again because of the rapid pace, I am not sure what we actually spoke abut. We did talk about my children and how well they are doing. My daughter has the State Tests this week which sounds like a big deal for the school system. I’m sure my daughter will do fine since she does very well in school. My son is not subjected to this testing since he is only in kindergarten. The conversation flew by and I had to give up the phone. It is always great to hear from my mother and I made a good decision to speak with both her and my wife.

Prior to making dinner, the mail arrived and I was blessed with three excellent letters. Oddly, none of these came from New Jersey or California. Instead they arrived from the South and the Rocky Mountains. At mail call as is the case throughout my life, I am blessed with incredible people in my life. Some of these people have always been there and have not abandoned me throughout this difficult time. Others are relatively new to my life, but they are truly dear friends. These friends have been with me every step of the way and I am eternally grateful. Reading these letters is the highlight of my day as it confirms my commitment to recovery. Each letter brightened up my day.

I was once again successful in getting through another evening. I turned in at 9:30 pm and sometimes wonder if this is pointless since it takes me until 11:00 pm when “quiet time” starts and the lights go off as to when I really fall asleep. I woke up a few times during the night when the CO’s came through the dorm and shined the flashlight in my face. My dreams seem to be on fast forward as the sequences happen very quickly and then I wake up. I wasn’t exactly eager to start the day, but the faster the morning arrives, the faster I get back to my family.