Almost Complete

My second stop on this five-stop journey is almost complete – county jail, reception center, fire camp training center, fire camp and HOME! This morning marked the last time I worked in the kitchen. Last night marked the last time I would have a full night’s sleep in my bunk. I depart early tomorrow morning (2:30 am) for my next destination so tonight won’t be a full night’s sleep. In fact, I am hoping to not sleep much because I would like to do that on the bus ride. I understand it is not the most pleasant experience. I will be handcuffed and shackled once again just like I was on the ride from the county jail. The only difference will be that I won’t be handcuffed to another prisoner. Instead I will be handcuffed to my waist along with the leg irons. Please remember no matter how non-violent my crime, I am treated the same way as the violent prisoners because I am a prisoner just like them.

Here is the last story on the kitchen! I got up at the same time as I have done for the last seven weeks and headed to work. I worked with the same two inmates as yesterday, but we did have an additional helper who will be assigned to the ovens tomorrow when I am gone. The additional helper has commercial cooking experience and I believe he said he was a chef. Interestingly enough for all the experience he was supposed to have he made a very basic mistake when he was loading the ovens. The ovens held 20 3-inch pans and they slide in two at a time with 10 rows. I didn’t believe I had to instruct him on loading the ovens because of all his ‘experience”. As he was loading the oven, I heard a loud crash and as I looked over I saw one of the pans of potatoes had fallen from the top rack and spilled all over the bottom of the oven. After I looked over I told him not to worry about the spilled pan because we would clean up the residue when we cleaned the ovens. However, I did mention to him the next time when he loads the ovens to start at the bottom and work his way up. If he did it this way and a pan became loose, it wouldn’t crash to the bottom of the oven, it would crash into the pan directly underneath. He did say, “Thank you” after I mentioned this. Maybe in all his experience, he never worked with these types of ovens before.

I did find myself a bit out of character, when this inmate was talking constantly, I found myself disagreeing with him because I didn’t care for his “know it all” demeanor. This was the wrong way to go about this and I do know better. I think I was in a mood to be controversial which is certainly out of character for me. Maybe it was the combination of moving on tomorrow – this inmate’s demeanor – and me being a smart-ass. I finally caught myself after this inmate went on for 10 minutes about how the prison system will be reformed in the next three months. I finally gave up contradicting him because it was a no win situation and as I mentioned, I certainly should have known better. This is an example of one-of the many-character flaws I have which is thinking I know better than most people. I think the term for it is conceit. I am not any better than anyone especially in a place like this. I did something wrong –very wrong – and I am being punished. I am no smarter than the next person because we all – no matter the intellect – ended up in the same place. No matter how comfortable I get with my surroundings, I must not fall back into my old ways and become complacent.

I am feeling the effects of not being able to attend a GA meeting because my defenses have come down a little. I do read a “yellow homemade combo book” daily (thanks again, Jane) along with the steps and reflections my dear sponsor has sent me. Additionally, I correspond with many of my GA friends (who are true friends not only GA friends) on a very regular basis, but there is no replacement for the live meetings. It will be awhile before I can attend a meeting which is why I must be diligent each and everyday about my character flaws. Above all else, I cannot become complacent in my recovery which is a living, breathing thing which creates positive energy in my life. I have tried and failed miserably in the past to overcome my gambling addiction because I relied only on myself. Now I am in a place and going to another one where the GA meetings are not available which is why I must remain accountable and move forward with a positive purpose. Thankfully, I did recognize my fault today when speaking with this inmate and as long as I stay aware of my faults and remain accountable, my recovery will continue on the successful path.

After I mixed my last cornmeal mush, I had asked the replacement kitchen supervisor if I could get an evaluation since I didn’t get one last week and today was my last day. She told me she couldn’t do it because she needed at least two weeks of working with me to render a review. After I heard this, I asked if I could have the previous kitchen supervisor do a review because she was directly next door in the central kitchen. She said, “Yes” but before she finished the CO who was standing next to her during the entire conversation interrupted to tell her she could do the review because the he would vouch for me. I thought this was a very nice gesture and I was impressed. I thanked him and the supervisor gave me the review. I received an “above average” which is second on the grading scale, only an “exceptional” is higher. Her comments were, “excellent worker, very helpful, and respectful.” I was pleased with the review even though I was hoping for an “exceptional” grade but understanding the personality of the replacement kitchen supervisor, the grade of “above average” was as high as she was going to go. I am not sure if this review will help me on my next stop, but it certainly can’t hurt and the more positive items I have in my prison file, the better as I move forward.

Here I sit waiting for the “mail call” for the last time. Strangely enough, I have only received one piece of mail this week – on Monday. I didn’t receive anything on Tuesday or Wednesday. I don’t know if my mail is being forwarded to my next destination or I have hit a lull in the mail delivery. As I’ve said so many times (sorry), I do look forward to receiving mail each day and I have been a bit perplexed over these past two days when I haven’t received any. I had to pack up all my writing materials with the exception of some paper, 3 envelopes and 3 stamps so I could continue writing and sending this blog. I also wrote my wife on Tuesday about my transfer. All of my writing materials are sitting in a brown paper bag waiting to be transferred to my next destination.

My final “mail call” came and I did receive 3 pieces of mail which made me so happy! All 3 were postmarked from the San Diego area and the postmark dates varied from October 3rd (very delayed), October 10th (delayed) and October 14th (expeditious) I received all these today which really makes no sense. Hopefully, the mail will be a little more consistent at my next destination.
I have been hearing all different types of information about my next destination and all of it has been very positive. Some of the info is dated and things may have changed, but whatever the case, I am very excited about going to fire camp. I will have a much better understanding of how a “main-line” prison experience functions. Instead of writing about my kitchen exploits, I will be writing about my firecamp experiences. No matter what happens, I do know I am that much closer to returning to my family safely.