Making the Most of It!!

I had a long day yesterday (that is in terms of hours at the office not necessarily work hours but hours at the office nonetheless) at the office and got home much later then usual especially for a Friday. As I have mentioned previously it is technically a four day work week for the office and only one person does work five days. This person is currently on maternity leave and we are short staffed so I did work yesterday and “man” the telephones. There really weren’t many telephone calls during the day unlike there have been earlier in the week. The telephone calls have been a new experience for me this week and I even spoke with a few of my fellow parolees. No, it wasn’t anyone I was familiar with but these folks were indeed parolees. As part of certain special conditions some parolees have to take a 52 week Anger Management class which we provide and it was very interesting speaking with some of these people as they were enrolling in the class.

Unfairly I couldn’t help but to compare myself to these people who seem to be scrambling to enroll in the classes. I believe most of these people are given thirty days to enroll in the class from the time of their release. I know if it were me I would be enrolled in the class after day one of my release. (No, I don’t have a special condition that states that I need to attend these classes nor do I have a special condition that states I need to attend Gamblers Anonymous. This would have been a relevant condition to my particular case but my special conditions are relegated to the fact that I cannot have a checking account nor can I have a job that has direct access to financial instruments.) These gentlemen were pleading with me to enroll them in a class the day they telephoned and unfortunately for them the process doesn’t work this way.

The process is quite simple; schedule an appointment for an assessment and depending on how busy the counselor is this could take a week. The assessment itself only takes an hour but planning on the parolee’s part is imperative. No, the prison system doesn’t give a class on planning and it is sad to see some of these people just given $200 and a handshake while the prison system says behind their backs, “see you soon”. Thankfully I am not the typical parolee and want to do the right thing. I can understand (somewhat) not being able to differentiate between the vast majority of parolee and the atypical parolee like myself because it is easy to stereotype. I do feel at times I have been lumped into the lot but again that is just the way it is. I have one minor hurdle to overcome gaining permission to fly back to New Jersey while driving back with my family. I do hope to garner this permission in the next ten days and I am staying optimistic.

The work day ended yesterday and I returned home. When I returned home the house was empty as my dear friends were still out and this is only the second time in the past three and a half months I have returned home to an empty house (sans the dogs). It was very different but due to the late hour I made myself something to (leftovers from my lunch) and turned in for the evening. As I went to sleep I planned out my day today and my plan went very well. I was up early so I could get in a workout prior to the Saturday Morning Gamblers Anonymous meeting.

I had a very good workout and I can say without a doubt I am addicted to running. I am feeling no ill effects from the marathon two weeks ago and I so enjoy running. I have to admit I am a treadmill runner because I can gauge my routines so much better. I can adjust the speed, incline and intensity with a touch of a button and the surface is much more forgiving then concrete. I have had people ask me how I can run so long on a treadmill without getting bored. I have a great ability to put my mind into the moment and whatever period of time be it 40 minutes or 3 hours I can keep my mind in this place while running. I do watch television for most of my run but usually at the end I constantly play games with myself to stay in the moment. Today I was so in the moment I had to force myself off of the treadmill or I would have been late for the GA meeting.

I did force myself off of the treadmill and made it to the GA meeting with plenty of time to spare. The meeting was well attended and the therapy very good. This was a regular meeting and we had close to 20 people in attendance. I don’t tire of these meetings because invariably someone says something that makes me introspective and this is a huge part of my recovery. I need to be reminded and I want to continue on the positive path of recovery. This requires listening and constantly taking inventory of me. Someone mentioned something this morning that sparked a memory of mine that was over 16 years ago.

I have battled compulsive gambling for over 20 years and really it hasn’t been a battle so much as a walkover by my compulsive gambling addiction. I have tried the “I quit” method several times in my life to no avail, I have tried the “see a psychologist” method several times in my life also to no avail but up until three years ago I never tried the “Gamblers Anonymous” method and I can say this program works. This program works for me and it has been and continues to be a Godsend. I am eternally grateful to the program and the incredible people associated with the program because it saves my life everyday. I am blessed to be a part of this program and I intend to be a part of this program one day at a time for a lifetime.

The meeting concluded and as usual I felt great departing from the meeting. My next plan was to play golf with a good friend from GA and we played golf this afternoon. It was a typical June afternoon for temperatures in the 90’s and with a breeze. I had a wonderful time golfing with this good friend and this good friend really understands GA even though they have only less then one year in the program. This person is so involved that I believe is the “superstar of GA” and God willing this person will be celebrating their first GA birthday next month. I may not be able to attend the birthday celebration because it falls when we are driving back from New Jersey but I suspect it will be a magnificent celebration for a magnificent person.

I played well and I played poorly. I had a very interesting game of golf and I was consistently inconsistent yet I had a fantastic day. I enjoyed every inconsistent swing and I enjoyed every consistent swing. Golf is such a “funny” game and I do believe it shows everyone’s true character. My good friend who I played with today has a very high moral compass as witness by his golf game. I was very impressed and should not be surprised. Just because a person has a compulsive gambling addiction does not mean they have a poor moral compass in fact I do believe the addiction just takes over the brain. Now in recovery the high moral compass rules the way and this was the case with my good friend this afternoon.

I returned home to watch the third round of the U.S. Golf Open and once again Tiger Woods had not one but three “magical moments” as he battled his knee injury. It was obvious he was in pain yet came up with these magical moments. He is a very special player and as these moments occurred I couldn’t help but to smile. I know this is just a game of golf that really has no profound effect on me but it does bring joy to my being. I must admit out of all the sports the only sport I will go out of my way to watch is golf; specifically the major championships in golf (Masters, U.S. Open, British Open and the PGA Championship). I would rather watch these events then watch a Super Bowl especially when Tiger Woods is in contention. He is magical and I believe even though he is a fierce competitor he has a great attitude. He made an improbable shot and he couldn’t help but to laugh this to me means a great deal. He understands when to take himself seriously and when to just enjoy the moment. I enjoyed the moments and was very happy I had the opportunity to see these magical moments.