"Semblance of Thought"

The other day someone mentioned to me that they had just started reading this blog and was amazed as to how much I had to say everyday. I too am amazed most days when I get to the end of the posting how much I had to say and sometimes I do have a tendency to go on and on. It is interesting (at least to me!) that when I start I have some semblance of what I am about to write however most days I a thought pops into my mind and I am off and typing. Today could be one of those days or it couldn’t be one of those days since I don’t have much new to report. The days are passing so quickly and having to “man” the telephones at work my day seems to be going even faster. I do believe we could “get by” with a limited staff but there are certain variables within the staff that are certainly beyond my control so I will keep my business acumen to myself.

The GA meeting yesterday evening was once again very good in spite of some of the “regulars” being absent. There was a great cross section of newer members and member with some “time” in the program in attendance. I believe it was a 50/50 split between the newer members and the members with “time”. Of course the only requirement for Gamblers Anonymous is a “desire” to stop gambling and it doesn’t matter if a person has 50 years in GA or only 50 seconds in the program. The program is designed by people to hope people overcome an insidious baffling addiction and in my opinion the program works wonders.

There were wonders in existence last night as I was amazed at the change on some of the newer members’ faces. We are taught not to take inventory of others only ourselves in the program and hopefully my “observations” won’t be misconstrued as taking inventory. I do enjoy observing and taking in my surroundings especially from a recovery point of view. I am forever grateful for everything in my life and did enjoy the fact that the newer members were seeing the value of Gamblers Anonymous. I am certainly not in the predicting business which I gave up over three years so I won’t even guess as to whether or not these new members will still be around for their first birthday or for that matter the first of next month. GA is a day at a time program and I do believe life is a day at a time program since nothing is promised to anything as far as the future is concerned. It would be wonderful if these new people make it to their first birthday celebration and beyond because more miracles are surely in store.

My life is a miracle microcosm all thanks to recovery and the wonders within the program. I was reading an article this morning about the NBA referee who will be sentenced next month for crimes he committed as part of his compulsive gambling addiction. I do know that this person is in recovery and one of the people I know from GA is helping this person but it is a very long road in recovery. When I entered the program over three years there were so many uncertainties in my life but there was and still is a certainty in the GA program for me. As long as I continue to embrace the program which means being involved, going to meetings and doing the right thing my life improves each and everyday. This referee is dealing with a very heavy burden of the crimes that were committed and the accusations that have ensued. I can feel this person frustration as the unknown seems to lay ahead for him; however; in my case as long as I am in recovery and living for today life is beautiful. My life is truly a beautiful life all thanks to recovery.

I was once again up early this morning but I didn’t have to go to the airport I decided to get back on my workout schedule marking the second day in a row I was at the gym in the early morning hours. I have been going to the gym later in the day on Wednesdays and Thursdays in the past but I thought I would be better served going in the morning and it was a good thing I went in the morning. Usually in the later part of the afternoon I have time to myself in the office but due to the short staffing this week I had no time for myself and needed the time I would have been exercising to do my actual work. Also, I must admit working out in the early morning hours is so much better for me because I don’t have the guilt (yes, even after all these years of working out I still get guilt when I don’t exercise, I am a little screwy don’t you agree??) and obsessing over going to work out later in the day.

The workout was very good and I may run the “America’s Finest City” half-marathon in August which is also located in San Diego. This is only a 13.1 mile course and I have done this in the past. I ran this with a former work friend who I haven’t heard or seen in over three years. I doubt I will ever see this person again but that is just how life works. I went down a road that there is no looking back on and seeing this person could be construed as looking back. This is okay by me because I completely understand what true friends are and I have an abundance of true friends both old and new. These are all blessings in my life. It would be great running in this race because my family will be with me and talking with my wife she is certainly gearing up for the move. She has already inquired about the children’s religious education and has that all lined up along with starting to pack. I still have not received confirmation on my trip in spite of leaving numerous messages. This will take care of itself and everything will work out for the very best.

I received a very interesting email from a very interesting person this afternoon. I am going to be intentionally vague because I have no idea what will come of this but I will say I followed the advice of a dear friend and received some very positive feedback. This seems to be a process and I am in the very early stage even though I responded to the email as instructed “ASAP” this afternoon. I don’t know if my response was what the person was looking and only time will tell. I responded with honesty, openness and willingness all key ingredients in the GA Program so who know where this is headed but it appears someone did show some interest and I have to thank my good friend for the advice.

When I started this entry I had a vague semblance of what I wanted to write and now I have written over 1,200 words and I still have a vague semblance of what I wrote!!! This blog is still an integral part of my therapy and just like the GA meetings I feel great when I attend a meeting and I feel great when I complete a blog entry!!!