"Switch" is Off

The power of the Gamblers Anonymous Program was evident once again yesterday evening. With most of the “regulars” away at Intergroup (the business part of GA) this left the Tuesday evening meeting with a smaller attendance then usual. However; as usual smaller attendance is not a predictor of a lesser meeting. In fact the meeting was exceedingly good in so many ways. Every six months the Secretaries of the meetings change hands in order to give other members a chance at giving back. We are in this period of time and last evening a newer member did Chair the meeting. It really doesn’t matter if a person has 2 months or 40 years in the program as long as the meeting is consistently run the program works so well and last night it worked to perfection.

The beauty of GA is the core principles of honesty, open-mindedness and willingness to do the right thing. I always enter the meeting with an open mind and rarely do I know what I will share that particular meeting. Normally if I have something on my mind I will go near the beginning of the sharing sessions but usually I take it what others say and this usually elicits thoughts I certainly was not even remotely thinking about. This is one of the many favorite parts about Gamblers Anonymous being aware of my thought process in a positive manner.

Over so many years I thought I was doing the right things but was incapable since I never faced my compulsive gambling addiction head on. Of course, I waited a very long time to finally face my compulsive gambling addiction I am eternally grateful for an incredible program of recovery. A “switch” has been turned off in my brain but I know this “switch” can easily be turned back on which is why I want the GA Program in my life each day one day at a time. I tried and failed miserable to keep this switch turned off but I was incapable of quitting gambling by myself. I may be able to run a marathon which requires a great deal of commitment but I cannot stay in recovery without the Gamblers Anonymous Program.

I don’t know how other people fall away from the program and expect to stay “clean”. I know I certainly can’t which is why GA is a huge part of my recovery. I do have a few facets of my recovery program and this blog is certainly one of them. I need to stay honest, open and willing always to do the right things. I have hid away my true feelings for such a long time and put on facades for that same period of time. Now I can be myself and I can be honest, open, and willing which is what I do each and everyday.

There is power in those rooms and power in those people who attend the meetings. I have spoken to a few people who have fallen away from GA because “it wasn’t for them”. I thank God GA is for me because it is the only way for me to live a better life one moment at a time. The wonderful things in my life are a direct result of the Gamblers Anonymous Program and in less then one month I will be reunited with my family.

Speaking of being reunited with my family tomorrow is the day I “officially” ask for permission to travel to New Jersey. I have broached this subject in the past and was met with positive feedback. Today I prepared all of my documents for the travel and I also need permission to travel to the National Conference on Problem Gambling presented by the National Council on Problem Gambling. I have been invited to attend this conference and I was hoping to be able to be on a panel but that doesn’t seem to be coming to fruition. All is not lost because this is the field I ultimately see myself in and gaining valuable contacts in this field certainly will not hurt me even if I am not a presenter at the conference. I can’t imagine (of course stranger things have happened) being denied permission to attend this conference since it is being held in California but it is being held in a different county from the county of my residence which is why I need permission to attend.

I don’t have any preconceived ideas about obtaining the permission to travel to New Jersey next month and being able to drive with my family back here to California. I completed the itinerary for our trip and I can picture all of us driving to these cities and enjoying each moment as a family finally. I do believe that whatever happens will happen for the very best because this is what continues to happen. I must admit I was a bit hesitant to put all the materials together because there is a remote thought deep in my brain that is negative but through positive being I set out the information and expect a very positive result. Changing gears but about the same subject, I do hope I am able to “go” tomorrow morning because if not I expect there will be some suspicions conjured up as it would be the third time in a row of a “no go”.

Of course I will report on what happens tomorrow right here so as they said on the “Batman Show”; stayed tuned!!! Everything is moving along very nicely and a few of those swirling good things have happened at work but we need a tornado of good things to make a difference. I am not downplaying these good things because I hesitate to think where we would be without these good things and I suspect things will continue on this course. I don’t see myself staying in this position over the long run because I do have a plan and I need to get off my “ass” and start to enact this plan. I have put a few of the “wheels” in motion and yes, things will work out for the very best.