Truth

I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine this morning at the gym. This friend is someone who I really only know from the gym but we also share another common bond we worked at the same place or more correctly he still works there but I don't. He is a good person who actually embraced me after not having seen me for a few months but knew what had happened. He did not judge or dismiss me because of my actions he remained my friend.

He was telling me about a conversation he had with someone we both know. I will spare the specifics because they are really not important to my recovery but I will say I am certainly not surprised by the remarks. What I did to my previous employer was reprehensible and everyone associated has every right to be angry and disappointed by my actions. However; I must say when certain people are faced with the truth they may never find it because they don't know where to look because the lies and deceit have become part of their being. Much like it became part of my being up to 8 months and 23 days ago.

I am surrounded by people who care and show concern. This does not lessen what I did or diminish what I did it only shows how blessed I truly am. I made a grave mistake but it is never too late to make amends and live life with a sense of purpose and most importantly to live life with honesty. Honesty was not very important to me for a number of years. However; honesty has become my savior. Without honesty I would be living in lies and deceit and I don't want to go back there. This is why I choose to live with honesty each and every day.

The truth has set me free because I no longer think I can gamble like normal people and I choose not to gamble today. Life has a purpose that it had lost for a number of years ago. Living one day at time with honesty and humility has its benefits. One of those benefits is I am feeling better about myself now than I have in a very long time. I know I have disappointed many people and I certainly have disappointed myself. This disappointment can be changed into a positive because I must be accountable to myself, my family, my God and the Gamblers Anonymous Program because without this accountability life ceases to exist. I love my family so very much and I love my friends as well; I will try my best to NOT disappoint anyone including myself today because this is one of the keys to my recovery.

My recovery does not have end only a beginning because it is ongoing. I have the brain of a compulsive gambler and barring a brain transplant I will have this brain until the day I die. Within this brain lies some bad choices made solely by me. I don't want to make any more bad choices this is why I try to make the best choices each day and today I made the choice NOT to gamble and it turned out to be a good day.