One Year

Today marks the one year anniversary of my last bet. This means I have not placed a wager of any kind in the past 365 days. I know this is just a number and it really is a lifetime process but I am very proud of this accomplishment. I am very proud because I have done some very important things in this past year to get me to this point. In the past I have gone 4 years and 5 years without placing a bet but I was not in recovery. I was in abstinence and that abstinence those previous two times was very weak in fact it really was denial of the overall problem.

Now with the grace of God, my family, friends and the Gamblers Anonymous Program I am truly in recovery. Abstinence is one part of the process and yes, it is a very important part; however; what I have learned over the course of the past 365 days that there is a great deal more to recovery. I learned that recovery does not have to be done all alone. I learned there are some great people who are willing to help in my recovery process. I learned there is a road map to a successful recovery and it is called the GA Recovery and Unity Program. There are twelve steps that need to be followed each and every day in order for me to have a successful recovery.

I learned my mind was closed to the fact that I am and will always be a compulsive gambler. I learned when I said the words; "I am a compulsive gambler" to another person it was as if a burden was lifted from my shoulders. I learned if I truly want to recover I must work at it each and every day in my life. I learned that I will NEVER be a normal person who gambles because gambling has caused misery and despair in my life and if I went back to it I would expect the same and it would be even worse.

I learned that fellow compulsive gamblers are NOT bad people they are good people who are doing something about their problem. I learned these people are blessings in my life and I owe my existence to them because without them I don't know how I would go on. I learned I have so many blessings especially my family. I learned I have a remarkable wife who loves me very much. I learned I have two especially wonderful children who give me the breathe in my life. I learned I have some very special people in my life. I learned that two of these people are my mother and mother-in-law. I learned I have a very special bond with my sisters. I learned my sisters are very different people yet love me just the same. I learned my father loves me very much in spite of the things I have done.

I learned I have incredible in-laws and I learned I love them very much. I learned the meaning of the word friend. I learned I have some incredible friends. I learned people are very different and react in very different ways yet are still their for my family. I learned people will be people and I cannot change their views. I learned I can only change myself. I learned I cannot save the world only myself. I learned life is to be lived one day at a time. I learned the past is history. I learned tomorrow is a mystery. I learned today is all I have. I learned I have all that I could have ever ask for.

I learned that fantasy is overrated. I learned reality really isn't so bad. I learned life is worth living in the present. I learned living for today is the only to live. I learned that gambling is no longer a part of my life. I learned I don't ever have to feel the way I did last year at this time.

I learned the court system works very slowly. I learned people do their jobs very well. I learned there are some very special people in my life that weren't in my life over one year ago. I learned I am so thankful for these people. I learned how to find my true feelings. I learned the meaning of honesty. I learned the meaning of open-mindedness. I learned the meaning of willing. I learned I am not a bad person. I learned I did some very very bad things. I learned the meaning of consequences. I learned the meaning of personal responsibility. I learned how to connect with myself. I learned I have many character defects. I learned I have many character strengths. I learned I am ready to have these defect of character removed by my Higher Power.

I learned the meaning of Higher Power. I learned I have deceived myself for so many years. I learned awareness of myself. I learned I deceived so many people. I learned life is meant to be lived with a positive purpose. I learned the difference between religion and spirituality. I learned I didn't have either of these things in my life. I learned that spirituality has helped me tremendously in my recovery. I learned I have so much more to learn. I learned I have not stopped learning and will not stop learning. I learned the battle against compulsive gambling is a lifelong journey and will never end. I learned I love to learn. I learned I am a blessed person.

I know there is a whole lot more I am leaving out and will touch on it in the days to come. This last year has been a roller coaster ride but I am so grateful for everyday. I am grateful because I have embraced my recovery with the key facets of the Gamblers Anonymous Program which are honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. I know I have learned the hard way but the difference this time as opposed to the two previous times is I am finally doing something about it.